"Mirror, Mirror on the wall . . . where did he go, and why doesn't he call?"

Beware the Christmas Holiday Hookup

It’s that time of year – the holidays. A time when loneliness and the extreme awareness of isolation can creep into our lives. It also happens to be a time of year that those we’ve watched walk away from us, have a tendency to reappear – at alarmingly high rates - for a Christmas holiday hookup.

Beware the lonely holiday hearts club, ladies. (And men, this goes for you, too.) Nostalgia, sentiment and warm feelings will enter the minds and hearts of many over the next few weeks, and many may try to take advantage of this, deliberately or unintentionally. Many may rethink their current situations. Many may long for a life change. Many may need a shoulder to cry on. Many may realize that they’re just plain lonely.

And many – may start ringing your phone or sending the proverbial “Hey” text your way.

Beware the Christmas holiday hookup; a common side effect of the lonely holiday hearts club.

The Ghosts of Christmas Past

When the Ghosts of Christmas Past start resurfacing in your life, you might be inclined to look at it optimistically with hope and a sense of glee. But you need to understand that this person isn’t in your life for a reason. The reason they’re not in your life is because it didn’t work. And you need to realize that a Christmas tree, holiday lights, nostalgic sentiments and spiked egg nog - aren’t likely to change that.

As hard as it may be, don’t back pedal into the past at this time of year. Don’t grab hold of the Ghost of Christmas Pasts hand and take that evening ride that Ebenezer Scrooge took, thinking it’ll lead you to your happiness and your heart like it did for him.

That story is a fable; a fictitious tale. And while a journey of the soul like that can indeed be life altering, the reality is that taking that journey with someone you’re not compatible with at a time of the year when rosy emotions gloss real life isn’t wise. The person who left you previously did so because they didn’t see themselves as part of your story. So don’t fool yourself into thinking they’ll be on the pages that will write your future.

A holiday hookup can be detrimental to your future because it injects itself into your new beginning – a brand new year that begins with a clean slate. If you permit a holiday hookup to happen, it muddies your slate and mars something new and fresh by dirtying it up. A holiday hookup can send you off track, distracting you from your real goals and the things you’re really meant to experience, explore and achieve.

Don’t become derailed by a holiday hookup. Instead, stay on track and make plans for the future that are your own and that aren’t influenced by someone else’s presence in your life. Take stock of all the great achievements you’ve made in the passing year, all the personal growth you’ve experienced and be thankful and show gratitude for your failures.

Express Gratitude and Thank Your "Teachers"

Yep – you heard me right – I said failures; show gratitude for your failures and all of the “teachers” that were a part of them. Because it’s these failures that propel your growth. And if it weren’t for the “teachers” that came along to deliver those lessons, you wouldn’t have evolved into the individual you are today.

People are always going to let you down, folks. They’re always going to disappoint you. And this is always going to happen in all types of relationships – romantic, friendship, working relationships and familial ones – that’s life. It’s part of the human condition. And when this happens, you need to cope, not blame. And you need to keep in mind that it’s these moments in life. . . that help you carve out your new life.

It’s these moments in life that help you drill down to what really matters to you. It’s these moments that compel you to make huge life altering changes. It’s these moments that send you off into entirely different directions from where you first began. It’s these moments that make you review where you’ve been, what went wrong, and help you to determine what it is that you need that will truly make you happy. It’s these moments that make you “clean house” by ridding yourself of the people, environments and situations that no longer enhance your life in a positive manner or serve a higher purpose for you anymore.

It’s in these moments, folks that life - real life - happens.

So be thankful for these moments. Show gratitude for these failures and for the teachers who came along and taught you these valuable life lessons that sent you off in search of brand new horizons. If it weren’t for these people, you wouldn’t be experiencing the human condition. If it weren’t for these moments, you wouldn’t be living real life.

Write Your Own Future

Take stock of where you’re at and of where you intend to be a year from now. Thank all those that have entered your life and shown you what you don’t need and what you don’t want more of – for helping you carve out the vision of your new life.

Wish them well and then send them on their way, to head down their own path on their own new journey, leaving them to write the pages of their future on their own – while you construct yours using the new knowledge, tools and insights you’ve gained.

Do not permit the negativity of the past to enter the pages of your future. Rid yourself of those who do not value you and appreciate you. Rid yourself of all those who do not add consistent positive energy to your immediate environment and bring positive value to your life.

Instead, surround yourself with like-minded individuals that see your value, appreciate what you have to offer, embrace your uniqueness and provide support to you on your journey. The energy of life is an equal balance of give and take.

When the Ghost of Christmas Past comes knocking at your door or rattles your bedpost in the dead of night, acknowledge him, express your gratitude for him having entered your life, and then roll over and keep dreaming about the brand new world about to unfold before your very eyes.

“If you can dream it, you can do it.” ~ Walt Disney

Sweet dreams, folks.

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Msmarvelfreak said...

Thanks mirror I needed to hear that right now. Happy holidays to all!

Anonymous said...

Right on! It's amazing how man go fish this time of year! What you ladies have to ask yourselves is: Why now? how can he live without me this whole time and now I'm very important to him? Simple: because is BS, because is all talk and because is convenient! Take this post very serious ladies. Save your time and sanity from these leeches and make wishes for better things to come your way for the new year! Thank you Moa!

Gem50 said...

This is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Xo

pisces girl said...

Love this great message thanks Mirror xo

Anonymous said...

Well, at first I thought this topic was funny, but you sure weren't kidding! Just as you said, I received my share of holiday "taps" from all the re-appearing men in my life. Gee, I wonder what they hoped to accomplish?! It certainly was minimal effort on their part, yet somehow they hoped to gain some kind of MAJOR REWARD from their itty-bitty little "tap." Annoying, to say the least! Do men think women are vulnerable and emotional during the holidays and hope to "catch us" during one of our weaker moments for a second chance using the SAME LAME, LAZY ATTEMPTS they've made in the past? Anyway, it was funny, and I couldn't help laughing. Especially, when they left scratching their heads. You could hear them thinking, darn it, why didn't that work the way I thought it would??? Sometimes, I think men must think we women are stupid.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Dec 28, 4:27 PM,
It's amazing how they'll crawl out from under the rocks they've been hiding under all year during the holidays isn't it LOL ;-)

And yea, I do think that many men, not all but many these days, do tend to think that single women must be extremely lonely during the holidays and therefore, vulnerable and very emotional - to the point that they're much weaker than usual and more easily manipulated during the holidays as a result. And yea, many circle back around hoping to capitalize on that.

It's kinda' funny in that, beginning about the week before Christmas and through to the New Year - it's like the flood gates are opened - and hoards of men come running out from the shadows into the light of day hoping to score that holiday hookup LOL ;-)

Anonymous said...

Yes, all these seduction communities are teaching men how "desperate" women are for love and are and overexagerating realities so the losers keep on tapping. The sad part is in our hookup culture this tapping works especially online, online dating has ruined the dating pool with hookups and women so willing to hookup with such little effort its scary. My brother had 4 different online hookups just last week, before the holidays hes bragging on, hes not interested in any of them longer term (but he loves the drama of his phone blowing up) If he kind of likes a girl he will go in for a second round of hookup. As much as I love my brother hes unemployed, cant even afford a proper date yet can afford to hookup and with ego. This is the sad reality we have to live with.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Dec 30, 8:42 AM,
Even worse is that these so-called "seduction" communities aren't teaching the art of seduction at all - they're teaching emotional manipulation. Seduction and emotional manipulation are two very different things and in doing this, they are skewing what traditional dating and seduction truly is for young modern men. Meaning, young men participating in these communities probably actually think the tactics shared there are seduction and they probably aren't wise enough and/or don't have much real life experience with mature women to understand that this is emotional manipulation - and not seduction.

Traditional seduction of a woman involves romance, being a gentlemen and treating a woman special. And it involves doing this over a period of time and not in one date for a cheap hookup. It does not involve a lot of BS talk and ignorant behavior meant to trigger a woman's insecurities in order to bring her down to their level so that she becomes an easier "mark" to conquer.

These men looking for hookups are cheap, lazy men. Case in point (as much as I hate to say this dear and I apologize) is your brother - "hes unemployed, cant even afford a proper date."

What these men are truly seeking is a prostitute - but they don't have the money to pay for sex, so they try to receive it for free by being sneaky and manipulative instead. Not impressive at all.

Anonymous said...

yes, I agree it maddening world we live in now. I love my brother dearly but its maddening to see his treatment of women. Whats worse is WHY all the young women falling for these tactics chasing men and being easily manipulated and played and their friends are all giving them advice like CHASE, TRY HARDER, WAIT FOR HIM.. HE"LL BE BACK in another month or so, hes just testing you or hes shy or he likes women who persue.... Thank God Mirror for your site helping to expose all the games. Im in a relationship with someone who treats me like GOLD and wouldn't settle for less, even so I still had a couple of attempted holiday taps from men who KNOW Im in relationship. Its really a sick world.

Anonymous said...

It would be nice to hear from all the ladies the attempt from the men and their lame excuses lol.

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous December 30, 2014 at 12:21 PM

Ahh, but MOA's site has a lot of male visitors and if we give away too many details, the mystery will be gone and that's no fun :)

Anonymous said...

Here's a clue and a recurring theme: if you're really cheap and lazy, men, you know who you are; and ladies, you get the drift!

Sometimes it just gets old ...

Anonymous said...

Hi everyone, it's anon from above re: same **** gets old.

To continue where I left off, if there's anything I've learned this past year, it's probably to make sure that I watch what guys do or don't do like a hawk as opposed to listening to and believing things that come out of their mouths because guys lie and/or change their minds all the time. Hence, the saying "talk is cheap." The only truth can be found in what they actually DO after they're done talking. And if they DON'T DO, then what came out of their mouths was just a big ol' pile of ****!! These days, the more a guy talks, the less I trust him 'cause they tend to be the biggest bull****ters (the ones that have words flying out of their mouths.)

I value and respect consistency, reliability, honesty, and of course kindness more than anything else in any human being btw, because ANYONE can talk/lie. But to match actions with words is much more difficult to do. And that's what separates the men from the boys. I've met waaay too many boys (including the 'boys' that show their age, lol) and this **** just gets old after a while. Why do these particular guys (as in our "holiday tappers") expect women to give them something without lifting a finger? Is that how it works in other areas of their lives? No, so why should they expect that from women? Unfortunately, I think it's a sign that they don't respect us, and they are just out to use us.

As funny as it was, thanks to MOA's warning I knew exactly how to handle them. I didn't think it would actually happen to me personally, but it did. Yeah, those guys sure are sneaky! Just as she says, deep down they are insecure, so insecure that they hide under rocks most of the time only to crawl out when they perceive weakness. That's sneaky, selfish and creepy too!

Nice try guys. Consider being a true gentleman from the beginning so you don't have to do sneaky and/or creepy (and no, you don't qualify for a gentleman just because you THINK you're one, lol! I happen to know too many 'boys' that pretend to be gentlemen, but nooooo, they definitely are NOT gentlemen! They are the complete opposite!) because wise women will not waste their time on immature little boys, whatever age you actually are!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@The Ladies,
Here's a good one for ya' gals. Last night, New Year's Eve, I received a text at 12:30AM - "Happy New Year!!!!!!?????!!!!!" from an unknown number. So I reply, "Who is this."

Silence. Crickets. (Message received. You see, I wasn't expecting an answer or to drum up conversation. My intention was to send a message instead - that I have no clue who the hell you are because I deleted you from my life, and my phone, a looooong time ago. And apparently, they got the message LOL.)

And exactly ten minutes later, I get ANOTHER text, from ANOTHER unknown number. This time an out of state number, and the text says "thanks mellisa"

Think these were accidental texts? Think the timing was coincidence? Think this was an accident that they chose to respond from an out of state number and refer to me as that name? I don't, and I tested this. Because in the dating world amongst men, "Mellisa" is used as a slang reference. Notice the addition of question marks in the original message, as if they're even questioning their own behavior? Notice that when I signaled I didn't know who they were, instead of responding back - as one with good intentions would naturally do - it appears they got an out of state friend visiting to join in on the fun of "toying" with me - and calling me by another name, a wrong name (and also one with meaning, which I'll get to in a minute here), to attempt to insult me as I had insulted them? (I imagine a bunch of guys sitting around drinking on NYE at a bar, wasted, and using this as an opportunity for entertainment - and who am I to be a party pooper LOL).

Anywho, the name "Mellisa" has slang meaning (And that meaning is also provided in the urban dictionary, and for those of you who don't know, the Urban Dictionary is more or less a place where "street lingo" and slang is defined. Words that aren't necessarily always words, but that hold meaning as slang or street lingo are defined there and examples of how it's used are usually provided.) Well, Mellisa is defined as:

"A Mellisa's beauty is inconceivable. The last man to lay eyes on her was Stevie Wonder. A Mellisa does not get frost bite. She bites frost. If a Mellisa is late - time better slow down. Should you ever come across a Mellisa give her a compliment. Just kidding, she wont be surprised - a Mellisa hears thoughts.

The perfect woman. She's one of those girls who will knock your socks off and blow your mind.

Some would call a girl like this radical and moody, but she is strong willed and independent and will stand up for anyone she loves and believes in. Abuse her loyalty, kindness, love and sincerity and risk losing her forever.

"I cant tell if that girl is just really cool or a bitch!"

"dude, shes a melissa."


"i cant fight it cuz she's such a melissa!!!"

"I met a wonderful woman. With my luck, she's probably someone else's Melissa."

Cont. . .

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

That name in slang terms basically denotes a strong, desirable woman - one who is in control and doesn't get bit by the frost, but one who bites the frost herself instead.

Think that's all coincidence? I don't - because I got another response back, which I'll get to here in a minute. Whoever this was knew exactly what they were doing. And me being me, I can't just sit by and play dumb LOL. So my response to the "thanks mellisa" text was "you're welcome Jim Bob." And what's a 'Jim Bob' in slang terms? "The most redneck name ever. . .A moment of immense skill - or a fluke - that is not easily repeated. Nor is it aparent at the time whether it was skill - or dumb luck.

"I can't believe you just jimbob'ed through my defense."

Translation: 'Nice try at jimbob'ing your way through my defense, but I'm onto you and I'll be the coach in this game - touche!' And then this morning, I wake up to a final response - some 10 hours later - that reads "right back at ya"

Apparently - it took some 10 hours to come up with that. . .err, not-so-clever response LOL ;-)

There was no 'oh i'm sorry, wrong number' or 'who is this' or even silence and ignoring it for that matter. Whoever this was, they were attempting to play along, even if poorly doing so. They were NOT questioning things - they were NOT apologizing and explaining an error - they were NOT ignoring things - what they WERE doing. . .was attempting to keep up.

The truth is ALWAYS in the ACTIONS.

If you think these men are stupid ladies, think again. They are not stupid. They are manipulative, cunning and sly, "dumb like a fox" - don't let them fool you.

Anonymous said...

"thanks mellisa"

Hmm, what can I say? Your holiday texters tried they're darndest to return your "Who is this" in the most hurtful, damaging way imaginable but they end up complimenting you! They get two points for that since you are a 'Melissa' alright. I hadn't even heard of

this slang until now, but it seems appropriate for you.

"you're welcome Jim Bob."

Love it.

"right back at ya"

oh dear, "jim bob" must've had too much to drink, is suffering from a hangover, is missing a few brain cells, or possibly all three. If that's the best jim bob managed to come up with, that's the equivalent of admitting defeat playing a game that THEY started.

"If you think these men are stupid ladies, think again. They are not stupid. They are manipulative, cunning and sly, "dumb like a fox" - don't let them fool you."

Manipulative is right, but don't worry, we're onto them, and we aren't about to let 'em fool us.

Anonymous said...

I've been reluctant to share details of my holiday taps as it wouldn't surprise me if some of them lurk around these pages. But for the benefit of the other ladies on here, I'll share a few details from one particularly disturbing and annoying holiday tap

experience: a guy that treated me very poorly, came crawling out from under his rock (exactly as you warned MOA which it why it was so damn funny.) He'd been hiding there this entire time because he KNOWS that he'd treated me badly yet couldn't bring

himself to properly apologize to me (waay too self-centered and lacks any real empathy due to being so focused on himself), couldn't even continue playing his OWN game which HE started (yup, he's one of those insecure players MOA oftens warns us to steer

clear of), and predictably decided that the best time to take another shot at me was to come crawling out during Christmas time to try to fool me with the same old **** he'd tried on me before. Well, too bad he didn't know that I was prepared and onto him.

After being ignored by me, this player, that had allowed all this time to pass by without any sort of genuine apology, stubbornly stuck to the same old tricks up his sleeve, and then, get this ladies, had the NERVE to show up in front of my door hoping to obtain

something from me. It was beyond creepy, but I knew what he was up to and was furious, and of course turned him down flat. For crying out loud, I barely even know this guy and that was NOT OKAY! Is there any reason he should be upset? Absolutely not because this WHOLE THING was started by him, and it's a game HE wanted to play, not me. He was supposedly the man, and I was following his lead when the games began. But if he can't even manage to play his own damn game and is dumb enough to stumble himself up in the process, he shouldn't play at all. It just amazes me that he STILL thought after all this time that he might still have a chance, and his behavior just confirmed what I already knew about him. Which leads me to the other topic MOA has often emphasized on here that men (if they can be called that) these days feel SO entitled, it's ridiculous & out of control. I don't even feel respected as a human being when these types of guys approach me, hoping to gain something for nothing. I'm incensed. I'm fed up with them, and by being more focused on their ACTIONS, I hope to be better able to filter them out and quit wasting time on the time-wasters. Ugh, they really do get on my nerves! Sorry for the rant!

MOA, it's interesting that your holiday texters acknowledge that you're a "Melissa" yet still fail to step up & treat you right. I believe this is where the "cheap and lazy" comes in. They KNOW how they SHOULD treat you because, afterall, they are not completely stupid. However, guys who are not gentlemen (i.e. players) insist on taking the shortcut, lazy way of things. And my hunch is that they do that in other areas of their lives too; I could imagine that being a common pattern in their lives. But gentlemen (I'm referring to real gentlemen, not posers, they don't count!) understand that that is not the road to take, especially to a woman's heart. Players and immature boys will always try to get rewards for little to no effort.

Ladies, let's not waste our time with boys/players and get better at recognizing the gentlemen out there that DO deserve our attention. If we collectively stop wasting our time with boys/players, afterall, we have more at stake here and those boys/players (yes, young ones AND old ones) are nothing but a big fat pain in the ***, things may start to change. MOA, have men already been spoiled and things spiraled so out of control that this ship is nearly impossible to steer back into place? What do you see happening in the future in our society as far as dating and men/women's roles go?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan 1, 10:43 PM,
"that's the equivalent of admitting defeat playing a game that THEY started"

You know what's funny about that is that - that's not the first time I've experienced that. It's actually the 3rd LOL. I once got into a text tangle with a man years ago that was behaving badly. He was supposed to contact me one weekend for a date. That didn't happen, I went silent, and a week and a half later he text me to yell at me for not chasing him down. I told him I would never fall for that game, he denied playing a game, and so I pointed out that he just DID play a game - and that he lost. I told him to buzz off, he text me back and said "good luck" and I responded with "I'm not the one who's going to need it, you are" - and his final response was "I know." He started a game, lost, and in the end - admitted he was the one who was going to need some luck LOL.

On a different occasion some years ago a guy started with the games. When I didn't play along he became rude and angry when I didn't respond to something sexual he stated and instead, told him he was out of his league and I wasn't that kind of girl. He got really mad and to further insult me, he sent me the ole "dic pic" via text. I guess I was supposed to be highly insulted, because immediately afterward, he text me something like "how's that for your virgin eyes" or something along those lines.

I was home alone at the time, but instead of letting him know that, I responded that I was currently on a date and didn't have time for his childish crap - but I also thanked him for giving me, my imaginary date, and all the imaginary guys in the bar a good laugh with his dic pic.

I took it a step further and told him that I had so many dic pics on my phone from dumba*s men like him that I was going to make a dic pic calendar and thought about giving him the month of December - until all the [imaginary] guys in the bar and my [imaginary] date pointed out that he included nothing for scale in the image he'd sent and that, as a result, all of the [imaginary] men decided he couldn't make the month of December in my dic pic calendar and he was disqualified.

And BOY - did this nail his insecurities right on the head and hit a nerve LOL.

He started sending texts through at a million miles an hour about how he could not believe I had shown that picture to a bunch of other men, and how that was just SO wrong, etc. My response was brief and to the point and I said, "what the hell do you think women do with all these dic pics you men send? do you think they print them off and nail them to their bedroom walls? when you send something like that, you put it out there for the whole world to see - you might as well have published it in the paper - and you'll be lucky if I don't decide to put it on the internet."

His response was "you win" - to which I wrote back and said "I always do" LOL ;-)

I'm not sure where the brains of these men disappear to at times, but when they appear to have flown out the window - I make sure I take full advantage of that - so that they think twice before pulling that crap on the next woman that comes along. . .providing a reminder that two can play their games if it's a game they wish to play.

Can't win em' all, ya' know LOL ;-)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan 1, 10:44 PM,
"it's interesting that your holiday texters acknowledge that you're a "Melissa" yet still fail to step up & treat you right."

It wouldn't matter with this one anyway - I think I know who it was. I reverse searched the number and it came up in an area about a half hour drive away from my home. And there was only one man I had dated years back (4 years back to be exact) from that area - AND he was probably the biggest game player I've ever come across. So I could completely see him doing this with his buds and thinking he was going to get a kick out of it. And oddly enough, when I dated him and broke up with him (because of his games), he reappeared 3 months later and DID apologize and admitted he'd made a mistake with me. Naturally, too little too late and that was already over. He's played other games over the years (yes for the last 4 years) at various times, so this is no real surprise from him.

"have men already been spoiled and things spiraled so out of control that this ship is nearly impossible to steer back into place? What do you see happening in the future in our society as far as dating and men/women's roles go?"

Well, honestly dear - that ALL depends on us WOMEN. I don't think as a whole that women understand just how much control they have over this. If women want men to step up and become gentlemen. . .then they have to sit down and become ladies. Meaning, if women want to see the best side of a man, they have to display their best side TO the man. Instead of being so very aggressive about their sexuality, women instead need to slip into the feminine roles (submissive) so that men can step up into their masculine roles (leader, initiator). If women keep taking the masculine lead, chasing men down, throwing themselves at them and dishing out sex on the 1st, 2nd or 3rd dates - then this will only get worse.

That behavior is what has created these little monsters. They don't have to be gentlemen. They don't have to treat a woman special. They don't have to be kind and generous. They don't have to try and impress. They don't have to bring their best self to the plate. Hell, they don't even have to formally date in the traditional manner anymore - to get exactly what they're after handed right to them (sex). They don't have to respect women anymore. . .because women aren't respecting themselves.

You can't demand respect from someone when your actions are that of disrespecting yourself.

The REACTION you get from someone is solely based 100% on YOUR OWN actions. And if your own actions are. . .well, trashy and disrespectful. . .then the reaction you get back is trashy and disrespectful. This isn't rocket science, it's common sense, ya' know? You get what you give. And if you give the impression that you're an "easy" girl, and that you require no special treatment, and that you give yourself away for free, and that you're okay with being disrespected because that's how you treat yourself - then that's how others will treat you. They will follow your lead and respond in kind.

I was watching a show the other day, "Vanderpump Rules" and the men on that show are so effeminate, so feminine and weak as men, it makes my damn head spin and I throw up in my mouth a little bit everytime I watch that show. There's one in particular, Jax, who is 100% a prime example of a sociopath. (If you gals want to see what a sociopath is in real life, check out that show and watch the self-defeating behavior of Jax - the man without a conscience and no empathic bone in his body who, by the way, happens to also be an overgrown man-child whose daddy still pays his bills at the age of 34).

Cont. . .

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Anywho, Jax was on vacation with his buds, staying in a room that his GIRLFRIEND got for him for the weekend, and naturally, he brought other women back to the room - and he had sex with one of them in the bathroom (of the room that his GIRLFRIEND got him). And what brought this entire scene of debauchery and deplorable cheap behavior on? Well Jax claims that this woman was grabbing his crotch in the bar while dancing. When he asked what she was doing, he claims she said, "I just want to see how big it is."

Now, if any of this is true (with Jax you never know), then this girl got exactly what she asked for. She was treated like dirt, she was only good enough for bathroom sex, and the other guys said that immediately after the sex (they could hear it in the bathroom), that Jax sent her home - sent her away. As a matter of fact, one of the other guys Tom said exactly that "It was basically assisted masturbation. This girl meant absolutely nothing and was the most bootleg girl in the club." These men are such disgusting examples of men (and honestly, the women are all whacked too), that Entertainment Weekly wrote up this bit about the entire weekend (which is hilarious by the way LOL):


I force myself to watch shows like this because they give you a good peek into the mindset of this part of society and the youngsters that comprise it. Anywho, as you can see ladies - this is all a big game to these guys. These women mean absolutely nothing to them, and they are downright disrespectful when referring to them. And much of this is because the women carry themselves in a disrespectful manner, and their actions are also disrespectful. I mean, who the hell wants to have raunchy sex in a filthy bathroom? Is that every girls dream? And what kind of a girl agrees to cheap sex in a filthy bathroom with a total stranger? The kind of girl that doesn't love herself. The kind of girl that doesn't respect herself. The kind of girl that doesn't feel she deserves better for herself. The kind of girl that doesn't look out for herself. And when you have loads of women running around behaving like this and agreeing to settle for being used like an object, like a tool to aid a man in achieving sexual gratification. . .what do you expect, ya' know?

Me personally, I see this modern day situation with men resting ENTIRELY in OUR hands.

It will change - if WE change. If we as women stop behaving so very aggressive and "starved" and desperate about our own sexuality, then the men will have no choice but to follow suit in order to get what they want (or they can choose to begin paying prostitutes, whichever works for them, because even a prostitute isn't stupid enough to give herself away, free of investment). And if you speak to men from other countries, they will tell you that while this epidemic does exist to a certain extent in other countries (sexually aggressive women) - it does NOT exist to the astronomical extent that it exists here in America. The sexual aggression of American women has scaled off the charts and through the roof. And a couple of years ago, the topic appeared in pieces that went viral around the subject of "French women don't date." Here's one of them:


And it reads:

"l. Men pursue women actively: Vanessa McClure, a striking American redhead studying in France, observes: "A French guy gets your number and calls right away; it's not the three-day rule practiced by guys in the States who play hard to get and want to make the girls anxious."

Cont. . .

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

2. If you act the way French women do, you won't get hassled: According to Nidal Kersh, a Swedish student in Paris, "French girls never get harrassed the way foreign women do, because they know the rules. They don't even pretend to be nice; they just cut you off if they don't like you. Parisian girls don't look anyone in the eye unless they want to initiate contact." Which leads us to the rule's corollary:

3. If you act American, you WILL get hassled, says 34-year-old Allison Lightwine, an American who was a single woman in Paris: "If an American woman acts like she does in the US, it's seen as extremely aggressive sexual behavior."

One naïve young American student who wished to remain anonymous said that her friendly, open conduct led to a situation in which she had to literally push an overeager French fellow out of her apartment. "He was really surprised and angry," she says. "He told me he thought American girls were faster, like the ones he'd seen on MTV!" (She learned her lesson, adopted Parisian habits, and is now with a charming French man who, she says, is nothing like that wannabe paramour from her past.)"

The full article is interesting and worth a read. And in the end, I personally believe that the future of dating rests 100% in our hands - women's hands. If we want to see that change, then WE have to change - because change ALWAYS starts with YOURSELF.

Anonymous said...

"a week and a half later he text me to yell at me for not chasing him down."

Oh lordy, these guys need help. So basically he ended up admitting that he was waiting (like a girl) for a week and a half and unleashed his craziness on you because HE didn't do HIS job? Yeah, that all makes a lot of sense... it's almost like these guys WANT to lose by starting these games. If guys are gonna start playing stupid games, at least know how to play! Frankly, I'm tired of dealing with all these emotionally, physically and mentally weak men. I may be biased, but women are stronger in many ways. Once a guy demonstrates that he is a wuss, I lose all respect for him...and the attraction plummets.

I'm curious to know why guys tend to keep shooting themselves in the foot? Especially, players? Is it just all a test to see if a woman can hold her own? Do they WANT to lose for some reason? Otherwise, it just seems like some of these guys either aren't too bright or WANT to be cornered, lol.

" When I didn't play along he became rude and angry"

Typical little boy behavior which reminds me of a child, not a grown-up man, what's wrong with these guys??

"he was disqualified. And BOY - did this nail his insecurities right on the head and hit a nerve LOL."

Yeah, and now suddenly HE'S the victim right. That logic would never work in real life somehow he thinks because he's dealing with a woman, he might be able to get away with it. I experience this a lot with guys. They think because I'm "just a woman" he can try and spin stupid non-sensical logic on me. Well, he needs to remind himself that you never asked for that pic, HE was the one that decided to harrass you with it in the first place of his own free will so yes, you win. These guys, they are just so juvenile. I can't believe I'm hearing about grown a** men.

"I'm not sure where the brains of these men disappear to at times, but when they appear to have flown out the window - I make sure I take full advantage of that - so that they think twice before pulling that crap on the next woman that comes along. . .providing a reminder that two can play their games if it's a game they wish to play."

PERFECT. These idiots totally deserve what they had coming!

Anonymous said...

"he reappeared 3 months later and DID apologize and admitted he'd made a mistake with me"

I guess your guy was able to do at least ONE thing right. Some guys I know behave badly yet absolutely, positively REFUSE to ever admit their mistakes or offer an apology.

The "holiday tapper" I wrote about above never made a sincere apology and just swept things under the rug. He tried to pull a fast one on me though by using the holiday season to see if he could catch me at a time when I would likely be in a good mood or feeling lonely - not so fast, buddy. So you are absolutely right MOA when you say that these men are not stupid. They know EXACTLY what they're doing and are extremely predatory and sneaky. Nothing beats preparedness when dealing with these bastards!

Unfortunately (or not so unfortunately), these guys are kind of dumb though in that they try to take the shortcut way or try to manipulate their way around and end up ruining everything for themselves. In the case of my holiday tapper, he drove HIMSELF right into the ditch all by himself with every bad step that he took. I was simply the observer in all of this where it all just blew up right in his face. Because it appears that taking shortcuts is such a common way of doing things in his life, he just kept digging himself further and further until he finally blew any chance he ever had, so that was really just the end of that. And when guys are dumb enough to do that to themselves, as in engaging in self-defeating behavior you mentioned somewhere else on your site, all you can really do as the observer is to shake your head or roll your eyes. Hey, it's not my job to teach men how to lead a better life!

"Naturally, too little too late and that was already over."

Yeah, it's a shame.

"He's played other games over the years (yes for the last 4 years) at various times, so this is no real surprise from him."

Why would a guy want to keep humilitaing himself over and over again, only to have to go hide or disappear again with his tail between his legs? I guess if he were of a normal brain capacity, he wouldn't play games just to lose in the first place. I'm not sure what else to say other than not too bright...

"Well, honestly dear - that ALL depends on us WOMEN. I don't think as a whole that women understand just how much control they have over this. If women want men to step up and become gentlemen. . .then they have to sit down and become ladies."

I agree 100%.

"Anywho, Jax was on vacation with his buds, staying in a room that his GIRLFRIEND got for him for the weekend, and naturally, he brought other women back to the room - and he had sex with one of them in the bathroom (of the room that his GIRLFRIEND got him)."

This is sad.

"A French guy gets your number and calls right away; it's not the three-day rule practiced by guys in the States who play hard to get and want to make the girls anxious."

Yeah, I dated a really attractive European guy. He asked me out as soon as he met me, asked for my number right away, and called me that night! It was refreshing because he was so honest and direct and there was none of the stupid "game-playing" that American guys tend to do. It was simple and refreshing.

"They don't even pretend to be nice; they just cut you off if they don't like you."

Hmm, that sounds a little harsh. Afterall, men have some emotion too, however, I could see the efficiency of this method becoming something I could get used to! It's probably good for the men as well because they have their answer right away.

Anonymous said...

I worry because there are so many dumb and desperate women falling for these games, it seems men don't even attempt to go after the women they really like anymore. In the area I live men are sleeping around (with women) easily and courting transsexuals... they think they are more lady-like because although seemingly sexy they are slightly bitchy and don't put out easily, men look at them as the "exotic" fruit really because they are harder to get than most women and men don't have the negative asssociations with them the same as they do with women who put up with crappy treatment and have no sense of self.

Anonymous said...

Oh great post..... I met this guy on new year's eve, he hit on me and I liked him but he told me that he is dating a stripper for a while. when I asked him do you love her, he said """"Oh it is not necessary love, it is only friendship""""!!!!! who say that about his girlfriend?????....

really no offense to anyone but why men are so obsessed about dating strippers? Is it a part of the game they are playing and to prove that they can get any girl? Is dating strippers that hard?? It was disgusting for me but MOA I really want your opinion about this and how women have to look to men who dates strippers?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan 5, 6:21 PM,
When a guy talks like that about dating a stripper, he's signaling that he's a man that looks at women as objects - conquests - and basically, a stripper at that point becomes like a "bucket list" item. Meaning, a right of passage of sorts for emotionally immature men who place a value on that type of conquest. Trouble is, and no offense to any strippers reading here because I understand you're probably making a living as best you can, but lets face it - dating a woman who is used to regularly disrobing for strangers isn't really that much of a conquest. It's actually just a childish game that gives the goon of a man some bragging rights with his buddies is all. And that gives away the fact that he's emotionally immature, particularly when he's referring to her in the manner he is.

But there's usually a big coup de grâce at the end that provides some humor for those watching all of this take place in the man's life - because the stripper, in one way or another, is usually savvy and ends up overthrowing the man in some embarrassing manner and coming out on top eventually LOL. I've seen this happen a lot. Guy dates stripper, guy brags about dating stripper, guy talks about stripper like she's a trophy, an object and not a person, guy's very self-assured about it. . .but then you find out the stripper practically robbed him blind of any savings he had and milked him dry, and the entire time, she was rotating half a dozen men and doing the same with each of them.

In the end, the joke usually ends up on the man in these situations. He thinks he's special to her, and she's just another conquest to him. Meanwhile, the stripper has learned a thing or two about men from being in the business, and in truth -- she doesn't CARE if she's special to him or not -- because he's just another guy to HER. Another "mark" with a target on his forehead LOL ;-)

Anonymous said...

Yup... that's pretty much it.... he was sweet at first but now he is so rude to me, teasing me in a very rude manner, pulling my chains... pushing my buttons then return to be cool and keep going on this track being rude then being nice. I am really pissed of thinking I am not that kind of girls and he knows it. don't know why being rude at one time then nice in the other, is that a game he is playing with me????

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan 6, 1:11 PM,
"don't know why being rude at one time then nice in the other, is that a game he is playing with me?"

Yep - sure is. It's called the Random Interval Rewards System - and it's such a successful formula, the whole of Las Vegas gambling is based on it.

"The reward varies in size, and the interval that it's administered varies in size, just like a Vegas slot machine. So a bad boy shows up, calls all the time, takes you on a great date and it pays off in a big way. . .but then he disappears - and you get dribs and drabs of rewards - he calls once in a while, texts a bunch of times, meets for a date here and there. . .and you're left waiting for the next big date. He gives his attention in a random way, at different intervals, and gets you "addicted" to his random rewards."

That's quoted from this two minute video by Dr. Wendy Walsh:


Anonymous said...

Loved the video.... I was reading your previous posts and I feel like I'm riding in a roller coaster .... I'm really learning here..... I am wondering so if he bothers to play this game on me does this mean he is interested or just playing !!!! when he is nice I'm being nice and when he is rude I'm just ignoring it.... But MOA, what should I do with him now?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan 7, 10:15 PM,
"if he bothers to play this game on me does this mean he is interested or just playing"

I hate to say this, but I'm going to because I think it will help you to better understand how "players" work and think and see things. . .the answer to your question is - he's just doing what players do - playing :-(

A man who is genuinely interested SHOWS it - and not by playing games. A man who is genuinely interested - takes things seriously. Only men who don't give a crap about the end result are the ones who play games. Only men who feel they have nothing to lose, and aren't worried about losing the thing they do have - take the risk and play games. Only men who aren't serious - play games :-(

"what should I do with him now?"

You need to not focus on what to do with HIM, and focus on what to do with YOURSELF. Meaning, you need to really think about whether or not this man is truly capable, and WILLING, to make you happy and fulfill your needs. And you need to think about whether or not you WANT to continue to play the game with him - or forget about it because it's a waste of time, and move on to more greener pastures for yourself, ya' know?

You have two options. You either stay and play the game, or you decide that this is not making you happy and you leave. Because you're not going to change him. And you can't control him.

Besides, it's not your job to do so. It's not your job to take on a man as some sort of "project" and then waste years of your life "waiting" for him to come around to your side of things. You don't wait for a man to "pick" you dear - instead, you take control and you decide for yourself what you need to make you happy, and then you go out and find it:


Anonymous said...

Totally make sense.... thank you MOA for taking the time and giving me these precious advice

Anonymous said...

What's the best way to respond to a guy when he gives you a backhanded compliment/neg?

For example, "you seem nervous but it's cute" ( when I'm not) or "your such a good girl" ( when he doesn't know me well) . I respond by being emotionally calm and detached like it's no big deal. Do you think it's best to use humor or should I give him a neg right back? Also, do you think being a bit cocky and sassy is a good thing for women? Men my age ( in 20's) are so incredibly full of themselves- I feel like down to earth, sweet girls need to fake a little arrogance and meanness.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan 24, 12:07 AM,
"Do you think it's best to use humor or should I give him a neg right back?"

Give it right back to level the playing field (so you signal you're not the type of girl he can emotionally run over).

"you seem nervous but it's cute" - "I'm not nervous, you just don't know me - but maybe YOU are and you just needed to get that off your chest." (Then laugh after you say it, so he's confused as to whether or not you were serious or joking. Give HIM something to think about.)

"your such a good girl" - "Oh yea, and how would you know this?"

When men lead with statements like that, they're basically sizing you up and judging you out loud already. And those responses signal to them that you're onto what they're doing, and that the judgments they're making may - or may not be - incorrect or correct. Meaning, those responses signal that they don't really know what the hell they're talking about. . .because they don't even know you well enough yet to be making snap judgments like that about you.

Don't respond with malice - throw in some laughs and get THEM confused. Give THEM something to think about, question, and wonder about ;-)

Anonymous said...

Thank you! You comebacks are so effortlessly cool .)

Anonymous said...

Any advice on how to stop getting taken in? I'm getting better in dating but this one situation threw me for a loop and now I'm left feeling confused, hurt and stupid. Thankfully I did not sleep with him (scorpio, I emailed you about him) but I really liked him. I'm annoyed that I waver between feeling good and strong with occasional bouts of "why didn't he like me?!" I especially hate the self-doubt moments. How is it that a strong, independent woman with an excellent bs radar can fall to pieces like this? ~A

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

"How is it that a strong, independent woman with an excellent bs radar can fall to pieces like this?"

Most times, I feel this happens because emotion is used to make decisions rather than logic. Think of it like this. When you're at work and you're making decisions, you are using logic to make them. Your heart is not in it and therefore, logic reigns.

However, many women, when it comes to their personal lives - tend to throw logic right out the window and instead, make all their decisions based on emotions.

If you can separate the two and learn to use logic to make decisions in your personal life as well, removing your emotions from the decision making process, nine times out of ten you start making better decisions for yourself - because you're no longer giving the benefit of doubt and instead, you're using hard facts to make decisions.

"occasional bouts of "why didn't he like me?!"

I understand that happens but - who cares what this guy thinks of you. He's just one man on a planet full of millions of men. In the grand scheme of things, his opinion matters about as much as some strangers on the street.

Your self-worth does not come from a man. Your sense of value is not derived from what men think of you. And you don't need a man to validate you as a woman. All of these things - you already possess. You don't need a man to grant you any of them.

You are as valuable as YOU feel. You are as worthy as YOU feel you are. You are validated as a woman only as much as you give YOURSELF credit for. None of these things come from him dear. And as a result, he cannot take these things from you - only YOU can do that. He isn't making you feel this way, YOU are making yourself feel this way - and low self-esteem is the cause of that.

Many women do this so you're not alone. But you do need to understand that you're beating yourself up for no reason. All this guy did was walk away from you, which happens every single day to a lot of people, it's nothing unusual. We all have to rely on our own personal coping skills to get us through moments like that intact. And the only way we lose a little bit of ourselves is when we LET other people determine our worth FOR us. . .instead of US determining our self-worth instead.

I think this piece will better explain:


Anonymous said...

Thank you, MOA. This one felt different because he hit on many notes within me that hadn't been hit in awhile. I didn't realize that I have this sort of perverse desire to be taken care of by a man. It makes sense I guess, since I've always taken care of myself. He just threw me for a loop and I tripped over some feelings that have nothing to do with him. I brushed that crap off though, no worries. NEXT!!! ~A

Anonymous said...

MOA~ I recognize that I have self esteem issues but it's far better than before and improving every day. What gets me is the way this dude latched onto me and settled into the protector role so comfortably and in such a genuin way. How dare he say things like, "let me take care of you...I WILL take care of you," and "my actions will prove it to you," and then later say OOPS, never mind! How can I trust what any man says now? It is exhausting to be on my guard at all times and not be myself. I find it easier to handle men that I don't feel a strong attraction for. But when I really like someone, that's when i throw all logic out the window, as you said. Emotions are annoying! /rant over ~A

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

"How can I trust what any man says now?"

Well, it's not just men - these days, you can't trust anyone, man or woman. . .until they have actually PROVED themselves trustworthy first. And this is done through:

1) Repeated ACTIONS (Instead of empty promises and TALK.)
2) Consistency
3) Reliability (Their words actually align with their actions and they follow through.)

Once someone starts taking action instead of simply talking about what they're going to do, and once they have exhibited those actions consistently and prove to be reliable - then and only then - can you start to trust them.

And even then - these things need to continue to happen on a regular basis. If someone starts off great with these things - and then suddenly starts to drop the ball - that's a red flag that it's time to pull back. . .until they start to become consistent, reliable and take action again. If they don't do that and start to become unreliable and inconsistent and "all talk" - then you stay away. By that point, you have already pulled back so you simply do so even further and then just stay away from them.

If they start to become consistent, reliable and their actions follow through once again, then you can start to pull closer again. BUT - the minute things start to become inconsistent, irregular and unreliable with no action - you always pull back. . .instead of issuing them the benefit of doubt. No one gets the benefit of doubt when they're really not "vetted" fully yet as trustworthy. And that takes times and observation over the course of months, not weeks, in order to truly get to know someone.

You have to look at dating and trust as a dance of sorts - when things are reliable, consistent and actions are following through. . .you get to dance closely together. But. . .when the music stops (meaning, when things become inconsistent, a bunch of talk and no action, and irregular) - you remove yourself from the dance floor to sit at the table a while alone and take a break.

If the music starts again (if things become consistent, regular and actions are taken), then you can get up and have another dance. But if not, you stay seated - or you find another dance partner.

And mind you - this "dancing" should go on all night long (meaning, for a really long time - months) before you really even start to think about whether or not this person is worth inviting to the finals (spending a lifetime with).

The "get to know you" period should last months and it should include consistent, regular, reliable actions. If it does not, when those things stop happening. . .then it's time to pull back and leave some space (so you don't become too emotionally invested in someone that's not doing the same with you).

These days, you can't expect dating to start great on day one and then just BE great from that day forward. Instead, you have to accept that it will include a long length of "get to know you" time, lots of ups and downs, some periods of "space", and the ability to stick together through all of that - before someone earns the title of boyfriend (or girlfriend).

Trust is earned - not gifted ;-)

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much, MOA! Went on a date with a virgo last night and it went very well! I'm following all your rules. Scorpio was too intense for me, very controlling and stalkerish when he was interested so he did me a favor when he walked away. This aquarian girl needs her air. ~A

Fire&Water said...

Yep, I realize it's not the holidays anymore (yes, I was born late, but not quite that late), but I have been going through the 5000 comments in the original Disappearing Men post one page per day and - you've guessed it - I reached the December posts lol. Reading them made me want to share something I do, and I want to do it now while I am thinking of it. I'm single but most of my friends are in relationships, so yes, the holidays can be REALLY hard. A few years ago, I missed Christmas and one of my best friends wanted to celebrate with me so we began a tradition we call "Our Christmas". It doesn't have a specific date. It's whenever we can both make it during the couple weeks between Christmas and Little Christmas. She comes to dinner at my house. I cook, we talk and look at the decorations (I do the house differently each year). Sometimes her boyfriend comes, sometimes not. But, it gives me a reason to decorate and puts me in the holiday mood - I know she's going to come and see it and that we'll have a great night with lots of laughs. And it takes my mind off of being single because I feel like I'm not alone. I look forward to whatever night she comes, and that's Christmas for us :) We've done this for 4 years now.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Fire & Water,
" it gives me a reason to decorate and puts me in the holiday mood. . .it takes my mind off of being single because I feel like I'm not alone."

I'm a BIG advocate of following through with holiday traditions such as decorating, baking and putting up a tree when you're single.

Think about it - what could possible be more depressing and remind you more that you're single than having a sparse house without a tree or any great holiday scents in it???

And once you've gone through the trouble, you are more likely to invite others over to enjoy it and share bake goods and holiday food with them and have a few drinks, etc. I enjoy the holidays - full tilt - whether I'm single or not. Being with someone has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on whether or not I put up a tree, bake, etc. I do this for ME no matter what, and every year I thoroughly enjoy it. I listen to holiday music, and I make a weekend out of all the preparations and it's great, I look forward to it every year.

And when I enter someone else's home who's single and they've done nothing, I get so depressed for them LOL.

I mean it just feels like blah and I think to myself "no wonder the fact that you're single is on your mind. . .there's absolutely no sign of life here whatsoever." There's no joy or holiday feelings to act as a distraction. You don't have to have a family to celebrate Christmas. Those that are single are entitled to enjoy it as well. So long story short, I'm always pounding on my single friends to put up a tree at the very least and enjoy the Christmas lights. . .so they've taken to calling me Mother Christmas as a result LOL.

I've spent many a holiday single, and I've also spent many a holiday married and/or in a relationship and either way - I have no less than 2 trees in my home every year. One in my dining room and one in my living room - always. And once you've done that, it's only natural that you think to yourself, "Maybe I'll have so-and-so over". . .and before you know it, you're celebrating Christmas. But the first step starts with you :-)

Fire&Water said...

Absolutely right, Mirror! I hadn't really thought about it, but if she couldn't come, I probably would start inviting other friends :). It's definitely worth the effort to get into the holiday spirit! .. "Mother Christmas" - I love that!!

Anonymous said...

I recently went on a date with a man I met 2 years ago. He no longer lives in New York but flew here for the holiday to spend time with his parents. We dated for about a month 2 years ago and the connection faded. He was fun, generous and didn't play games but wanted to get down to business really fast but it didn't happen because I came up with excuses that time to avoid sex.

We were supposed to meet today. I was invited to help him bake holiday cookies in his apartment but I canceled. Going over would mean I am okay with hooking up and if I don't it's teasing him. He's also going back to California in a week and I am not cool with a holiday hookup. I admit I was tempted in the beginning because of the loneliness but I can't ignore my intuition.

MOA, do you think I should have that talk with him about how I'm not looking for a holiday hookup? I was debating that this morning but instead just came up with an excuse to cancel the date. However, a part of me didn't want to because he lives in California and felt it was unnecessary since he flew to NY to his parents not me. I almost wish I didn't go on that date with him few days ago because I have a feeling he'll contact me again to make plans. I also feel emotionally vulnerable at this time of the month and don't want to start revealing how I'm feeling inside you know?

This article really puts everything into perspective about what I'm dealing with right now. I rather be lonely than put myself in a brief hookup to escape from reality. If I was okay with a hookup then this is the perfect opportunity but I know that I will have regrets and feel depressed after he leaves.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Dec 23, 2:54 PM,
"do you think I should have that talk with him about how I'm not looking for a holiday hookup?"

I wouldn't bother. You're not obligated to him in any way, therefore, it's not necessary to explain yourself to him. Besides, doing so will only grant him the opportunity to attempt to "sweet talk" you or flat out lie to you in order to get his way. Men are not above telling women what they think they want to hear in order to achieve success with them. And in this case, you don't know this man extremely well, so it's entirely possible that could happen.

"I also feel emotionally vulnerable at this time of the month and don't want to start revealing how I'm feeling inside you know?"

Then don't do that. Because like I stated previously, you're not obligated to this man in any way, shape or form. He didn't come here to see you, he came for his parents, and you're not in a relationship with him, nor are you regularly dating him. Therefore, explanations are unnecessary.

"If I was okay with a hookup then this is the perfect opportunity but I know that I will have regrets and feel depressed after he leaves."

Exactly - don't do it. Instant gratification is fleeting. It's not worth risking your feelings or your emotional state and happiness for weeks/months in the future. . .for a few brief hours of temporary enjoyment.

Think about yourself here, and don't worry about him. If he doesn't get laid while he's in NY visiting - he'll live LOL ;-)

Anonymous said...


I am the Anonymous you just responded to.

So I told him that I don't want to hook up because it was hard for me to ignore his text about another date. I didn't really go into detail all I said was I didn't want to and he took it well. He didn't try to sweet talk/convince me into changing my mind. All he said was "wish you told me sooner". You were right he'll live without getting laid while he's in NY. :-)

Thank you again!

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