"Mirror, Mirror on the wall . . . where did he go, and why doesn't he call?"

What is The Game: Spot a Pick Up Artist

There’s a phenomenon that’s taken place ever since the book, “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists” was first published in 2005. The Game was written by Neil Strauss and is a book about his journey of transformation into his Pick Up Artist (PUA) alter-ego "Style," as guided under the tutelage of “Mystery” – also a self-proclaimed Pick Up Artist.

You can now find hundreds of forums and websites dedicated to PUA teachings; teachings that advocate sociopathic behavior and thinking processes in men. And The Game itself goes a little something like this. . .

The Game

The Game advises men to approach a group of women and lead/lean on every woman there by telling them a previously rehearsed exciting story (Phase One: Attract) - every woman that is, except the one that the man is truly interested in. That woman, yea he’s supposed to ignore her and insult her with what is called throwing a “neg.” And this is after he goes waltzing in there “peacocking.” (And if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, you’d be correct. The man is supposed to dress like a kook in some way or to wear/carry a “prop” so as to garner your attention. And if you’ve ever seen the cartoon character that is Mystery, then you know I’m being kind by only applying the word kook.)

You see, in this Pick Up Artist process, the man is basically instructed to emotionally manipulate the woman and walk her, like a dog, through a roller coaster of three stages that are all designed to weaken the woman by undermining her value in order to make her more vulnerable - to sex. Because naturally, after the man swoops in there looking like a circus side-show act and pays more attention to all of the other women in the group and then insults and ignores the girl he’s really interested in – he then moves into Phase Two: the “Comfort” phase – where he provides the neglected, insulted woman a shoulder to cry on and attempts to lift her back up so that he looks good. (Awe, how chivalrous of him.)

Once he’s undermined his intended target’s self-esteem and self-confidence, he is then instructed to move into Phase Three: Seduction. This phase basically involves charming the woman with a bunch of bullshit so that he comes off looking like some kind of savior and the woman is so grateful to finally receive the man’s withheld attention that she just can’t help herself and she jumps right into bed with him.

It’s basically a roller coaster process of “deconstruction” – tearing a woman down (negs), then lifting her up (comfort) and then pouncing when she's in this confused, weakened state (seduction). Sound familiar gals? (I imagine alarm bells are ringing in your head right now.) This emotional manipulation process is meant to affect the woman’s self-confidence and make her weak. It’s meant to turn women into easy prey or VC’s – Victim Chicks – as coined by Pick Up Artists.

There are 3 main components to the Pick Up Artist’s tactics:

• Attract
• Comfort
• Seduction

And then each of those 3 components is then broken down into 3 separate steps for a combined total of 9 steps. That’s a pick up artists total investment ladies – 9 steps, otherwise known as “The Mystery Method” (PDF).

And believe it or not, this step by step process was first created as a way to aid the cartoon character known as Mystery (Erik James Horvat-Markovic) in his day job at the time – that of a professional magician (shocking, I know).

In all honesty though, what else could you expect from a group of men with names like Mystery, Spoon, Sin, Kosmo, Matador, J-Dog and Style? Are these male strippers? Are they members of the Chippendale Dancers? No. “Style” is actually Neil Strauss, author of The Game. Not only are these cartoonish characters advised to dress like circus side-show acts, they are also instructed to name themselves as such.

And what do these buffoons consider “the ultimate challenge?” A stripper - yes, a stripper. A woman who sheds her clothing in exchange for money is somehow considered the ultimate challenge to these men. Seriously, how hard is it to get a stripper to disrobe for you? (No disrespect to any of you female dancers out there, I realize you’re simply earning a living and most likely trying to care for your children, but it is what it is.) The simple fact is – all it takes is money – dah, it’s their job. Yet somehow, these cartoonish fella’s consider this a real challenge? A woman who sheds her clothing for money is a real challenge? A woman whose personal boundaries are already much less than that of a woman who is not used to doing this easily or regularly – is a challenge? A woman whose inhibitions are much less than that of a woman who isn’t as comfortable disrobing for a man – is a challenge?

Okay, whatever.

The Language of a Pick Up Artist

Now let’s take a look at some of their language; a language all its own, yet one that can give you a real glimpse into the mindset of a Pick Up Artist:

Neg, Negging – A backhanded compliment meant to insult the woman. Stunts similar to the ole’ “who is this” response from a woman’s communication attempt, where the man pretends he’s deleted the woman’s number but knows full well who’s contacting him. (Know this ladies, a player/PUA will NEVER delete a woman’s number as he associates the amount of female contacts in his smartphone with his masculinity – in spite of the fact that the rest of society does not). And how these men feel that insulting a woman and decreasing her overall value as a human being is a feeling that she will want more of, I’ll never know.

Peacocking – A tactic that makes you stand out above the rest (because you look like a freak). This basically includes “props” such as a fuzzy hat, goggles, fuzzy jackets, brightly colored clothing, a goofy necklace (preferably one that lights up), fuzzy pants – lots of fuzz, feathers, fur and outlandishness will do.

PUA – Pick Up Artist (I’d like to spin a female take on this one. PUA – Stinky (PU) Ass. Thanks Gemini50 ;-)

IOI – Indicator of Interest

AFOG – Alpha Female of Group

AMOG – Alpha Male of Group (naturally, a big adversary to the PUA).

AK – AMOG Killer (BOOM, my charisma will kill you!)

Set – The “stage” of the situation, as in “theatrical production” – ready on the set ladies!

ASD – Anti-Slut Defense (when a woman attempts to convince you she’s a nice girl, because naturally, any woman that is comfortable with her sexuality is instantly deemed a slut and, therefore, needs an anti-slut defense).

AI – Approach Invitation (a smile, eye contact, etc.)

BHRR Bait, Hook, Reel, Release (basically, the disappearing man; the ole’ “sweep her off her feet” and then POOF, he’s gone method).

BAFC – Below Average Frustrated Chump

AFC – Average Frustrated Chump

BS – Bitch Shield (naturally, this is an unapproachable woman - because any woman who’s smart enough to see past this charade MUST be a bitch – she’s not intelligent, she’s simply a bitch.  I know another meaning for BS - Bullshit).

BD – Boyfriend Destroyer (because a PUA erroneously believes that the fastest way to success is through bad intention).

CR – Canned Routine (need I say more?)

CP – Comfort Plan (“There, there, it’ll be alright. I’ve decided that I suddenly like you; put your head in my lap and it’ll all be okay dear.”)

DHV – Demonstration of Higher Value (similar to a marketing/PR campaign).

DDBL – Doggy Dinner Bowl Look (a compliant woman, “Please, please, please pick me.” *Sad eyes*)

DTF – Down To F*ck (the PUA’s entire goal.)

EE – Eject and Explain (When you’re getting nowhere so you bail, “I'm outta' here, my friends are leaving; catch me later.” I’d like to add my own spin on this one, ladies. Eject and Explain – Prematurely “eject” and then attempt to “explain your shortcomings” away.)

Fatty (Tuna) – A woman who doesn’t look great, but is still doable of course.

FGOP – Fat Girl Overhead Photo (creates an illusion of being thin, because naturally, it’s only looks that truly matter to a PUA).

FTOW – Find and F*ck 10 Other Women (wishful thinking and a fast track to the free clinic for treatment of all of the STD’s you’re also going to “Pick Up” along the way. Hey, I’d like to coin a phrase myself, “DD - Dirty Dick.”)

MLTR – Multiple Long Term Relationships, MTLR Cubed (3 LTR’s simultaneously), MTLR Squared (2 LTR’s simultaneously).

SDL – Same Day Lay

STMD – Sealing the Mother Effing Deal

SNL – Single/Same Night Lay

VC – Victim Chick (the need for the use of this terminology says it all).

WPU – Work Pick Up (shared place of employment)

ZNR – Zero Night Stand (immediate casual sex).

Okay ladies, disgusted yet? Regrettably, there’s more, much more - a full list of this crap, “849 terms and counting.”

The Reality

So just how far does this false illusion of “awesomeness” go? Oh my Lord ladies, you’d be surprised at just how deep it goes.

Don’t believe me?

Take a look at Neil Strauss here, Author of The Game, err. . .my bad, take a look at “Style,” Author of The Game, in this “after and before” shot. The left is the “illusion” and the right is the “reality.”

Now do you see why there’s a need for a fake getup, an alter ego identity and a bunch of schmuck tactics that only work on insecure women? Now do you see the need to prey on the weak and single them out from the pack? The need stems from a complete lack of self-confidence. And the fact is, I’m quite sure there’s more than one woman out there who would’ve accepted this man for exactly who he was had he just worked on his social skills as a human being - instead of caving to low self-esteem and creating an entirely false identity to hide behind.

Which then begs the question, how long can one keep up this charade? Not long as inconsistency, insecurity and false bravado will eventually give way to truth.

I feel sorry for men using these tactics because what they don’t realize is that these tactics only work on insecure women with low self-esteem – like attracts like, folks. And are those REALLY the women men want to date? Are insecure folks with low self-esteem really the folks that ANYONE wants to date, male or female? I realize we all have insecurities, it’s a human condition. However, when you let them guide you, guide your decisions in life and your perception of yourself – you end up with this.

These tactics basically leave men to “slum it,” deep in the depths of the dating ghetto, down in the bottom of the barrel, trolling the clubs and bar scenes for the perfect - Victim Chick (VC). These tactics advocate victimizing women and exploiting their nature – predator versus prey. One of these Pick Up Artist idiots even has what he calls a "rape van." It's crystal clear that these are mentally damaged individuals.

And many of the techniques pick up artists advocate are shameless yet completely obvious once you’re onto them. For instance, many of the online Pick Up Artist forums and chat rooms advocate that men ask random beautiful women in public, complete strangers, to take a photograph with them (be sure to point at the camera so you look cool). Advocating that "Women will find you more attractive, than if you were with a group of guys." That way, the man can then display these images online and give the false illusion that he’s pulling some awesome tail in the real world.

By the way, yes, that's Mystery in the image, furry hat and all.

The Game also advises men to compliment women on things like shoes and handbags as a way to look appreciative of the ways and efforts of women. I don’t know about you ladies, but if a man ever complimented me on my shoes or handbag, I’d secretly be wondering if he was 1.) homosexual or 2.) a closet cross-dresser 3.) married. I mean really, why else would a man be well-versed in women’s fashion? For me, that’d be a big red flag and a sign of a man that’s trying way too hard.

Pick up Artists also wrongly advocate seducing married women and women in relationships. In otherwords, they advocate setting out with bad intention – to break up marriages and relationships, simply to “prove” something to themselves; to prove that they can do this, which in and of itself signals low self-esteem is present in these men because insecure men always feel the need to overcompensate (macho) for their lack of confidence by proving things to themselves for no apparent reason other than – to make themselves feel better about themselves.

Confident men do not feel the need to prove themselves to anyone. Confident men don’t need a “prop” to garner a woman’s attention because it’s their masculine, leading energy that garners all the attention they need. Confident men have the skills necessary to please women, sexually, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Confident men have honed social skills and respectful dating skills and don’t have a need for manipulative tactics.

And many men agree that confidence is key. Here is “Magic” explaining why negs are NOT the way to win a woman over. As much as I hate his name and his overall persona, I have to agree with him that undermining one’s value is not a recipe for success, nor is it going to make a woman want to spend any significant amount of time with a man:

The Game is all about sex. It has nothing to do with real relationships, genuine human interaction or true bonding. Nor does it teach men how to be good lovers. I’d bet my bottom dollar that these PUA’s haven’t a clue what to do with a woman once they actually get her undressed, other than permit themselves to be serviced in some crude manner so as to take the pressure of performance off of themselves and place it squarely on the woman’s shoulders.

The Game teaches men absolutely nothing about what it takes to make (and keep) a real woman happy and standing by a man’s side.

It’s no real "Mystery” – it’s a loser’s game.

Related Posts with Thumbnails


Gemini 50 said...

@ Ms. Mirror,

I've read this piece and the links a couple times over, and... EWWWW! Really? Reeeaaaally?? What an eye opener; I had no idea the depth of disgust that is being cultivated in the dating world. It's a lot to digest.

Obviously this is a full-powered industry earning money by convincing insecure men to treat women poorly in order for them to feel good about themselves via power plays and orgasms.

To any Stinky Ass (great job, Ms. Mirror, turning my StinkyShit to Stinky Ass (PUA)slang -- oh, and by the way, I was disappointed StinkyShit did not come back with a rebuttal -- guess that shows he had nothing - all flash, no substance), anyway, to any Stinky Ass who thinks this crap is the way to live, remember Karma is a Bitch -- life always pays us back for our negative deeds. Always.

Guys, don't listen to the StinkyShit's and Stinky Asses... Treat everyone with respect, believe in yourself and be yourself, that is the man a woman wants to be with. ;)

And Ladies, Holy SHIT! Read, read, and read some more so that you are ready for these assholes as soon as they appear on the radar.

oh, and Ms. Mirror, remember the Landlord that asked my friend if she thought I'd sleep with him? I told her this week that his comment bugged me. She said his motto towards women has become, "The 4 F's: Find them, Feel them, Fuck them and Forget them."

And he's a 50-something yr old man with a teenage daughter.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Gemini 50,
I felt this was a very important message that needed to be shared. Most women hear "pick up artist" and blow it off with a smirk because it's something a man labels himself regularly. However, this is no longer something to take with a wink and a smile. This is a "movement" taking place - an epidemic. And a very serious one if you ask me. It represents the degradation taking place in society and if women do not counteract this crap, they're going to do down in a ball of flames.

No longer can women say, "Men are stupid." No. They are not, nor have the ever been. This is being taught, being taught to men of all ages and you know what?

They're eating it up. They're living it. It's a lifestyle, not just a technique. And it's starting to penetrate society.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. There's so much more to this industry than I could ever begin to share here. And industry that advocates poor treatment of women, objectifying women, manipulating women - harming women basically. And the damage than can occur for a woman on a emotional level after experiencing this type of treatment is immense.

Men are being taught to treat women as non-human - and society is accepting it.

This is not just a secret society, it's a plaque. I'd advise any woman reading this to do a little research of her own just so you can see how much of this is out there and how many men of all ages are gobbling this crap up as gospel.

Seriously ladies, protect yourself from this garbage.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Thought you might like to know - naturally - there's a Facebook page for the 4 F's:


VirgoPal said...

With the rise of narcissism and psychoapths, this articles ties in nicely into the epidemic. Honestly, I have no problem deciphering a potential pick up artist. They are so obvious from the beginning. The ones that are tricky,in my opinion are the men who narcissistic and/or psychopathic. You will need to date these guys for MONTHS sometimes years to see who they truly are. They blend in so nicely because they "sweep" women off their feet with their charm and deception. However, in my experience, there are red flags that women need to pay attention when dealing with these types. My disappearing guy that I talked about before is probably a clinical narcissist with psychopathic traits.

Ladies-if a man is too good to be true or try to rush you in a relationship or in bed, take a step back to look at the situation.PUA will leave you alone quicker if you don't sleep with them. That's why its so important to withhold sex from men until they earn it. Make sure their ACTIONS match their words. I know Mirror says it so often, but it is so true. A good man will follow through. He won't lie, cheat, or manipulate you.

LayLo said...

Wow, Mirror! Thanks for opening eyes, including myself.

That is totally disgusting and not human. SICK people. SICK!

Vee said...

I agree with my fellow Virgo VirgoPal. I have been the target of narcissists all my life. I have to feel good about dodging one rather than wasting 8 or 10 years wondering WTF?
The damage is profound. I don't even know who "myself" is sometimes because the last one left me so damaged and I didn't even know it. And Virgo, it's the COVERT ones that get me - not the obvious bragging creepy narcissist.
Looking up narcissist and red flags etc is what led me to this site.
I was swept off my feet by all the attention. I have a hard time because I have no idea what a normal guy is like regarding attention etc. My guys latched on and never let me up for air once they spotted me. Miss MoA's description of a normal guy's communication at least lets me know what to expect and contrasts nicely with the narcissist love bombing.

Vee said...

Oh one more thing. My most recent mistake of nine months. He spoke aloud one time right after our first time together and said "I would have waited a lot longer to sleep with you". I had made him wait two+ months so with this type even time doesn't much matter. He was very used to gauging women and how to get what he wanted.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

If the covert ones are throwing you for a loop, try to hone your skills of recognizing patterns in their behavior.

For instance, if you notice that a man is throwing slight insults at you and when/if you call him on it, he then plays coy and attempts to "butter you up" - alarm bells should start ringing. Because that's a pattern - Negative (neg), butter you up (lift up, comfort).

That pattern right there, slight insults combined with comfort that follows. If you notice that a man is slightly insulting to you but then spins that into something playful or attempts to relieve you of the negative feelings he's created by doing so - that's a pattern.

A pattern of UP and DOWN, DOWN and UP, UP and DOWN, DOWN and UP - it's a roller coaster.

If your gut starts telling you or you start experiencing feelings of being on an emotional roller coaster with a man and you have a sense that this is being done on purpose - RUN.

It's much easier to learn to recognize patterns than it is to remember exact behaviors.

And if the pattern is UP and DOWN - just get the hell away from the man. No one wants to be around someone that makes them feel like that regularly anyways.

Anonymous said...

superb response... Once you find yourself on a roller coaster, RUN! From my experience I can confirm that your feelings will never change, you´ll always doubt yourself with a man like this. There´s no point whatsoever in giving him a chance.

Vee said...

Miss MoA,
I'm still not sure of what with this last guy. He didn't throw out the negatives and empathy is probably the strongest indicator. I watched TV with him a couple of times and it pained him (gut reaction with him making a sound when something was sad) that made me think he COULD have empathy. His emails show a process - he recently apologized for sending something inappropriate with AN EXCUSE that I was just too sexy.
No, the covert narcissist is a master at making you feel special. I would love to be able to give women a guide written in language that is clear about how that overt but flattering attention is so dangerous and should be a warning red flag. Do normal guys ever get carried away by emotion to be so attentive??
I lost 15 lbs because I was so anxious and it was my weight loss worries that finally drove me to think about myself and my health and how bad this was making me feel.
Gamers, well they don't seem to have the intensity of interest because they are too worried about how they come across. Narcissists think they rule the world and come across as confident and manly.
My gamer (text only) responded to my (ok I was bored and wanted to play) text where I called him a player with hooks - who is this - why won't you tell me your name - what is your screen name - OK you tell me i'm a player but you hide. These are all hooks to get me to respond to DEFEND MYSELF and let him get in a one-up position if he met me that I had done something "wrong".
I don't defend. I don't explain. Miss MoA has given enough information to me that I feel confident just sitting on my hands and waiting. They reveal themselves for what they are if you pay attention and sit still.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

"No, the covert narcissist is a master at making you feel special. . .overt but flattering attention is so dangerous and should be a warning red flag."

It is DEFINITELY a red flag dear. Any time a man is trying too hard, it's a red flag. Any time a man is "laying it on thick" is a red flag. Any time a man starts insinuating he wants to move fast, it's a red flag.

Basically, too much of a good thing is a red flag dear.

"Do normal guys ever get carried away by emotion to be so attentive??"

That depends. A mature man that can articulate himself in a mature manner and express his feelings in a genuine manner can be attentive. But none of this should really start happening immediately. I call this "fantasy talk." I've had one man refer to it as "fun talk." Either way, men fantasize A LOT and many times, those fantasies fly out of their mouth, LOL. So when you start hearing too much of a good thing too soon, you should not take it seriously. Chalk it up to fantasy talk and don't view it as reality.

Because most men, most well adjusted mature men, will not begin to express themselves so openly so quickly. Instead, they'll take baby steps towards it, revealing things in small bits over time.

As well, as a woman, if you're falling for the feeling of "specialness" right away and too soon, it's a sign that you're vulnerable. If that appeals to you immediately and you begin buying into it immediately, then you're a bit vulnerable and you should guard yourself a bit more.

Because when a woman is really vulnerable and immediately buys into the illusion that the man is initially attempting to create (he's painting a picture of what life with him MIGHT be like), it can leave her wide open to the scum bags of the dating world.

There should be a few "barriers" in place. Meaning, a woman should place some barriers between herself and the man - barriers that the man needs to cross - to prove himself as genuinely interested.

If you're not running men through a barrier or a "filter" of some sort, then you're leaving yourself wide open - without a front line of defense.

It's the equivalent of walking onto a battlefield - without a weapon.

Vee said...

@ Miss MoA,
"If you're not running men through a barrier or a "filter" of some sort, then you're leaving yourself wide open - without a front line of defense."

Another post I can't remember which article you gave an example of some leading questions that could be mixed into conversation to feel a guy out.

I'm actually hesitant to ask for more examples given that PUAs haunt these blogs looking for more information on how to manipulate women and could practice how to answer them, but I really need/like advice on how to ask questions in a way that reveals these guys for what they are.

I do pick up on and dismiss the fantasy talk - my radar has become sensitized to that. I also pick up on the whole moving too fast thing now.

I don't like and don't ask personal questions early in dating now, but then I get stuck on when/how to get a guy to reveal more of himself in a healthy way once a few dates have gone by and it starts to look more serious. Sitting on my hands (no forward texting/calling) letting them come to me does weed the players from the pack if they are not experienced, but in my experience, the ones that hook me now know women and have real understanding of women and know how to play a better game...

Update on most recent "mistake" he is processing his emotions and thoughts just as you predicted for men. Two weeks no contact three weeks since last meeting and his latest email was an invitation to go to a nursery garden with him. His last flake out was when I mentioned wanting to maybe use his greenhouse.
I still am in no contact - didn't respond to a last minute invitation, but he is still confidant that I am reading his emails and just changing the hook to one more appealing. You are correct - until he realizes that he totally disrespected me and is motivated to change it is not going to be anything but more of the same games until he sees that I am different and he actually wants to open himself up and be more vulnerable by admitting he was wrong.
Thanks again for all the advice and help. I feel much stronger and more aware of my own value.

Anonymous said...

@Vee, I have just met a man online who is pursuing very fast. Maybe my observations will help you:

- I feel under pressure to do or write what he expects me to do although he is complimenting me all the time;

- Although we are middle-aged, he is doing this fantasy talk, as Mirror calls it, for instance he writes we will definitely get on well, I am a nice and special person, etc., but we haven´t even met face to face yet;

- He writes long e-mails full of compliments but he hardly ever asks anything about me, it´s obvious that he isn´t genuinely interested to get to know me, or any other woman I guess;

- When I ask him something about his life, he writes what he wants first and only when I ask the same question in the following e-mail, he responds, but tentatively and vaguely.

I could continue but the point is, this man is not interested in a real woman, he is pursuing a fantasy of his, meaning his only real interest is him. In his last e-mail he invited me to the theatre writing that it´s been a long time he hasn´t been to the theatre because he can´t stand going there alone. No question whether I like theatre or what my interests are, it´s been all about him.

My resolution: He is dumped even though we´ve never met in person.

The reason: The prevailing feeling of pressure.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Thank you for sharing that Anonymous, I think it'll help Vee to understand the concept. And it's also a good lead in to a point I'd like to make about it. And that point is - this works both ways.

That feeling of "pressure" you're referring too is the SAME EXACT FEELING that a man can get when a woman is SHARING TOO MUCH with him. Sharing too much of what she's thinking, too much of what she wants, too much of what she expects, too much of what she's feeling.

When you dump that into a man's lap, they feel pressured because it gives them the impression that ALL OF YOUR HAPPINESS RESTS ON THEIR SHOULDERS. And it creates a very uncomfortable feeling in men, the thought that every single little thing they do is somehow going to relate to your level of happiness because you've given them the impression that THEY are included in everything that makes you happy.

Gemini50, an active community member here, has made this observation previously. To give a man the impression that your happiness rests squarely on every little move he makes - is NOT a good thing, nor does it create positive feelings about the future of where his further efforts will lead - because suddenly, everything is dependent on HIM.

So as you can see in what Anonymous shared above, this guy is sharing too much and he's not taking what SHE wants into consideration, he's leading with what makes HIM happy - thus placing all of his happiness square on her shoulders without considering what makes HER happy into the equation.

Basically, as she picked up on, it's giving her the impression that ANY WOMAN WILL DO. And when women do that to men, it gives them the same exact impression. It doesn't make them feel special, it makes them feel like, "Well she clearly wants a man in her life and not a special man, just any man will do."

It's like there's an open position that needs filled, a void, and anyone willing to fill it will do.

This man's saying to her, "Hey, I have an open position right now for companionship and it needs filled. I don't care about what you want or about what you need, I just need this position filled. So whadaya' say, wanna' fill this open position? Wanna' slip into that slot and fulfill MY needs for me?"

And it's the same exact feeling that "dumping" too many emotions and expectations into a man's lap all the time can create as well.

Peter said...

"Do normal guys ever get carried away by emotion to be so attentive??"

We all have faults. I have my passionate nature, and I guess..sometimes that's a fault in me. I am very competitive because I'm passionate. I am determined and strong willed because I'm passionate. It gives people the impression that I'm excitable or impatient. It can surprise some people.So yes men have a heap of faults.

Anonymous said...

Wow I wish I would have found your blog two months ago. I stepped out of the dating seen for a couple of years and then started connecting with a dating site. I should not have shared I had not dated for awhile because I ran into a narcissism with psychopathic tendencies in a LDR . The red flags for me were he studied my profile and liked the way I answered questions pertaining to to joint bank accounts. he was constantly quoting my profile back to me or viewing it. He had been married three times and all three women cheated on him (his words)and he had raised his daughter alone since 10 months. He said God had placed us together. Yes I was scammed and I found out when I mentioned I believe in prenuptial agreements and even though the cookie was given I told him I knew this was not going to work. I questioned the bond between him and his daughter which was a little strange. My final thoughts were learn how to enjoy yourself, don't buy the God story, and the single dad line. I am puzzled about one thing , I keep running into men from different states that are so eager to relocate and I get told this within a couple of weeks. I find myself always getting chills when I hear them state they will relocate.
By the way your 'in my face' advice is appreciated.

Peter said...

@MoA and Ladies

Just to show you what men are doing and being encouraged to do in male publications and society these days.

Thought I would post what was in this months edition of a publication for men that came out today. It's a health and fitness magazine with a target age group of 30-45+ Males. However this kind of material is on the increase.

"3 Steps to Quick Seduction"

1-Imagine how you would treat her if you had sex already. Use that to fake confidence and no pressure attitude. That enables you to use a gentler approach to getting her guard down as will be nervous feeling seduced.

2-Learn how to project "Entitlement" like a NARCISSIST. She needs to think your a man who is entitled to and used to getting what he want. It will make her more likely to find you charming.

3-Give her the illusion of a "right to choose" by using the phrase "you can disagree with me, but..." then tell her whats going to happen and why.That phrase makes her more likely to agree with you.

An article in a the magazine...

How to have sex with your Ex or go back one more time

This article aimed at Ex's will also work with women you've have had a dating involvement with.We know it's quite low when a woman you're involved with doesn't reply to your contact and it be a blow,but we're here to show you how you can control her, manipulate a reduced rejection situation and remove the stress and effort of pursuing her.

We call it going for the low hanging fruit, with little effort and high returns. If you do get rejected then using this you won't feel bad because you never cared about expectations with her in the first place.

Here's what you do if you want to manipulate your ex back or that women you've been involved with that just wont come around....

-For women who had stronger feelings for you use "I've been thinking about you" as your opening text to increase some hope of a renewed situation.

-When her interest in you fizzles and she "disappears" and refuses contact use "I need to to talk" or "can we talk". This will make her think you have something serious to say to her.

-To the quick fling "are you in town?" or "Are you free sometime soon?"

Aim to manipulate her into falling into a fantasy situation. Your first move will be to build trust and use phrases which move along the lines of "I've had time to think".."I was in the wrong place and with time I have come to know I have feelings for you"..You should aim to act in a way that incubates a fantasy in.her head, but that you can build manipulate and fine tune. Then remember it's only sex and you will find it easier to distance yourself after the act than she will.

Peter said...


For the women in a relationship manipulate her feelings to remind her of her youth or days gone by. Use phrases like "It's great seeing you. Again soon?"..try to fake friendship interest and not fall into the friendship zone. Keep it light a no pressure in friendly way but always with the intention of aiming for sex. Remind her how good it was seeing her, take a feigned interest in her adult life. Wait until you get messages of "it was really good seeing you" and she agree's to do it again then use "before you get committed or find a husband we should do this now, we would never be able to feel this way once your're married/committed". You should aim for a no strings day or weekend time slot and whatever you do don't pay for anything you do with her split the bill at most.

There is no effort to this and few strings. This way is preferable to "full strings" every time.

Here are some extra tips you can use depending on the women:

For the one that got away or disappeared- leverage her friends against her and get them to encourage that she break her silence then get her on your level.

For the one that wanted more-aim to manipulate her trust referring to "passing time".."time to reflect on how you really feel".."I've acknowledged my true feelings".

When it was the situation-Learn to to say the right thing based on your knowledge of her so you can shift the blame onto the situation and she will be yours.

When you did a bad thing-Learn to pass her emotional first hurdle then you can move right in by manipulating her need for honesty. Use phrases like "I'm not playing games"..."You mean to much to me" and feign acting "open" and you're right back in.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Thanks Peter! This is going to be fun, LOL ;-)

Well ladies, needless to say, I see many interesting things here. But first, let's look at the repetitive use of the following negative buzzwords: manipulate, feign (fake), no effort (easy). Right off the bat, it's easy to see that being a douchebag is being encouraged by some imbecile here.

But this is good - because now I'm also going to point out how the "MOA way" for lack of a better term, will eventually filter a man like this out and expose him for the fake loser he truly is. Let's explore, shall we?

"She needs to think your a man who is entitled to and used to getting what he wants."

Nope, no way. Entitlement reeks of selfishness and is super easy to spot. If you subscribe to the MOA way, you already know it's a red flag that signals an insecure man (as this article clearly proves). Any and all macho behavior signals insecurity and entitlement, ladies. Entitlement is not a good quality in a man and if you "call out" an entitled man, you can easily punk him down in a heartbeat and send him packing like a scared little boy. Entitled men are hollow and full of air and have no real substance as men.

"Use that to fake confidence and a no pressure attitude."

I would zero in on this and it wouldn't sit well with me. Over-confidence requires extended "observation" to see where it's coming from, if it's valid and if it's been earned. So I would be looking for additional measures of confidence to back this up and if I didn't see them, I'd ultimately conclude it as being fake.

"'you can disagree with me, but...'. .That phrase makes her more likely to agree with you."

Yea, if your brain is made of mush. Listen up here ladies, this is an extremely important one. YOU ALREADY KNOW you can disagree with someone, you don't need their permission for that. When someone states the obvious, something that's "a given" in a sense, it's a big red flag. It's a "convincing" tactic.

Here's an example. I'm an honest human being and because of that, I don't feel the need to try to "convince" someone I'm honest, I show them I'm honest instead. People who are NOT honest use convincing tactics and state the obvious by saying things like, "you can trust me" and "I'm not a liar." If that was true, you wouldn't have to try to convince someone of the opposite - you would just BE it, you wouldn't feel the need to overcompensate for it by convincing someone it's true. It's overcompensation and overcompensation is a red flag according to the MOA way.

"use "I've been thinking about you" as your opening text to increase some hope of a renewed situation."

This is somewhat laughable. I guess women are so stupid that one silly little "I've been thinking about you" is going to do the trick? When a guy tells you he's been thinking about you ladies, you take it as exactly that - he's simply been thinking of you - nothing more, nothing less. Don't read into it and don't make assumptions that it means more than it does. All it means is exactly what it states - that he's been thinking of you - nothing more. Don't get your hopes up. Observing a man's overall behavior and repetitive pursuit of you is what gauges a man's interest in you - ACTIONS, not a bunch of silly WORDS.

Cont. . .

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

"use "I need to to talk" or "can we talk". This will make her think you have something serious to say to her."

Okay, score one for the player here, LOL. Yep, this will make her think you have something profound to say. But guess what? Any woman with a damn brain will actually be waiting for you to SAY SOMETHING PROFOUND. If you only use that as a tactic and then find yourself at a loss for words - you're going to look like an ass to the woman and she's going to question why you wasted her time and even bothered to contact her in the first place. She's not going to jump right into bed with you simply because you expressed you wanted to talk. You're going to actually HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING here, LOL.

"To the quick fling "are you in town?" or "Are you free sometime soon?"

This would never work in my world, that of MOA, because I don't believe in casual relationships for women. Period, case closed.

"Your first move will be to build trust and use phrases which move along the lines of "I've had time to think".."I was in the wrong place and with time I have come to know I have feelings for you"."

That's great. However, in the world of MOA, it's only a bunch of WORDS. In the world of MOA, ACTION speaks louder. As a result, I would expect to see the WORDS followed up with ACTION. If that didn't happen, it's just another bunch of BS.

"manipulate her feelings to remind her of her youth or days gone by."

Honestly, if a guy did this to me, as an older woman, him focusing on my youth and days gone by would ONLY MAKE ME FEEL OLDER. Dah.

"try to fake friendship interest and not fall into the friendship zone."

All of the ladies here already know that that signals "hanging back." And when a man hangs back, if you use the MOA way, then YOU hang back too. You don't give way to your insecurities and try harder and jump right into bed with the man.

They're really insulting women's intelligence here. But let's move along, shall we?

"Keep it light a no pressure in friendly way but always with the intention of aiming for sex"

Again, using the MOA way of doing things when dating, observing the man's actions over an extended period of time will suss him out as a fake and he won't be good enough to cover the fact that it's only sex he's after in the long term - because you're making him WORK for it if you use the MOA way.

Cont. . .

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

"Wait until you get messages of "it was really good seeing you" and she agree's to do it again"

Again, if you use the MOA way of dating, you will NEVER do this as it's considered pursuit by many men. You don't send a message after a date like that and make contact and signal that you want a second date. It's somewhat desperate. Instead, you wait for a man to initiate contact and for HIM to ask YOU out again.

See how making a man prove himself repeatedly via ACTIONS and not WORDS can save you from these fakers, losers and users, ladies? I'm telling you, it works and you should ALWAYS, always, always make a man prove himself to you. Did I say always? I meant ALWAYS, LOL ;-)

"then use "before you get committed or find a husband we should do this now, we would never be able to feel this way once your're married/committed"."

I'm speechless over this one. If this actually came out of a man's mouth, I'd laugh right in his face and I'd immediately question WTF that was supposed to mean, LOL.

"whatever you do don't pay for anything you do with her split the bill at most."

Men always have the option to behave like this, however, the MOA way signals this as a bum, a guy seeking free and easy sex and a user. It signals a man that isn't willing to lift a finger for you - and how the hell men think that's going to get them laid is beyond me, LOL. If a guy doesn't pay on a date and instead, he takes the feminine, passive route of letting ME pay for HIM (i.e. he becomes my bitch) - then there is no second date, let alone sex, LOL.

"leverage her friends against her and get them to encourage that she break her silence then get her on your level."

This is why you never listen to all of that silly (but well-intentioned) advice from you girlfriends ladies, LOL.

Cont. . .

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

"For the one that wanted more-aim to manipulate her trust referring to "passing time".."time to reflect on how you really feel".."I've acknowledged my true feelings"."

Again, that's great. But the MOA way requires this to be accompanied by ACTION as well. A bunch of BS words alone gets you nowhere.

"Learn to to say the right thing based on your knowledge of her so you can shift the blame onto the situation and she will be yours."

You can blame the situation if you like, but that doesn't guarantee you that you get the girl, LOL. Because if she's using the MOA way, she'll be secretly observing you and all of your ACTIONS to form her overall decision. Again, words are just words.

"When you did a bad thing - Learn to pass her emotional first hurdle then you can move right in by manipulating her need for honesty. Use phrases like "I'm not playing games"..."You mean to much to me" and feign acting "open" and you're right back in."

LOL, who do they think they're dealing with here? A bunch of 12 year olds? Again, stating the obvious is a HUGE red flag. If someone says "I'm not playing games" and then doesn't explain why they did what they did in an honest fashion, then guess what? They're playing games. And they're stating the obvious yet again and attempting to "convince" you that they're not playing games (which signals that they actually are playing games).

And if a guy tells you "you mean too much to me" that's fine. But in the world of MOA, you're going to also have to PROVE that via ACTIONS as well. Again, a bunch of BS words isn't going to cut it.

And there you have it ladies. A prime example of how every single concept I share here will COMBAT losers like this and will PROTECT and GUARD you against falling victim to them.

Here's your buzzwords for the day, gals:

More Actions
More Proof
Repeated Long-Term Observation

This isn't rocket science. Follow that very simple common-sense approach and you'll rid yourself of cretins like this and live happily ever after, LOL ;-)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Gemini 50,
The information Peter shared is worse than you think. The author actually went through a list of old girlfriends and convinced three of them to sleep with him again..as a experiment for his article..with the help of a psychologist.

One of the women was about to get married and he left her crying in the hotel room afterwards. Then he wrote the article and printed the women's real names..effectively destroying her impending marriage I'm sure.

And all to prove a point to himself...simply that he could do it.

This is out there and it's why I stress to women always...YOU first. Forget bout these men treating women poorly...they don't deserve second chances and thy don't deserve sympathy or affection. Hen a man treats you poorly...always love yourself enough to walk away from him :-)

And we all need to thank Peter for assisting and looking out for each of us as well. I know the information is disturbing...but education is preventative medicine :-)

Vee said...

I'm disturbed. I find myself very easily moved by words and these manipulations would cause me a lot of pain. I'm learning not to act on my emotions and to sit back and observe, but man this guy would have seriously cause me a lot of distress to sit and listen to all of this - feeling hopeful, longing for things to be like his words promise.
What a messed up man. I'm really disturbed.
Thank you Peter for posting this and mirror for reinforcing the fact that words are wind and actions are needed.
For someone as sensitive as me I would have been hurting for weeks after just listening to this garbage and walking through the firestorm it would have lit in my heart as I dealt with the emotional fallout.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Modern day dating now requires logic to outweigh emotion dear. It's sad, but that's the reality. If you vibe off of emotion when dating nowadays instead of using logic, you're going to get run over and left for dead many times over unfortunately.

Dating "gurus," particularly men advising other men, are encouraging sociopathic, narcissistic behavior in men - rather than advising them to actually BE MEN instead - to just "man up."

And this is why you're seeing a wave of women that don't enjoy dating and opt out of it completely these days. Men are turning women off with their feminine ways (wanting to be chased and courted like women) and with their sociopathic behavior and manipulation tactics. Many men are now being encouraged to be solely focused on sex rather than ways to actually form healthy relationships and bonds.

As a result, and this is just my opinion and only time will tell, but I firmly believe that our society in the next 25 years or so is going to see a rash of older men that are single, lonely and angry - and a rash of women that are single, fulfilled and happy. Because I think men handle being single when they're young better than women do - but I see repeatedly time and time again that as they age, they DO NOT handle being single as well as women do.

As a woman, and I'm just speaking for myself here and many of the women I know in my age range and older, as you age - you worry less and less about a man being in your life. Sometimes, you even find yourself happier without one.

However, based on the men my age and older that I see, as they age - they begin to QUESTION why they are alone and single and it causes depression, anger and frustration. And they seem to want a woman in their life more and more the older they get.

This is a dynamic in society that I currently see unfolding and, as I've said, only time will tell. But it wouldn't surprise me one bit to see this dynamic actually manifest a couple of decades from now as these younger generations behaving badly and not developing healthy social skills ages.

In order to find fulfillment and happiness and form healthy relationships, you have to have honed social skills and personality skills to do so - so that someone WANTS to spend time with you.

And frankly, I just don't see any of the younger generations nowadays working on their social skills and/or personality character traits at all.

And there WILL be a consequence for that someday in our society.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

And as a follow up to what I've just written above ladies, first let me say - I am not a parent, I have no children. However, I am aware that many of the ladies here do have children.

Ladies, teach your daughters to value themselves and to not compromise themselves. And teach your sons to BE MEN, real men. Teach them the true meaning of what it means to be a man. Having male genitalia and getting laid repeatedly does not make a man - a man.

Show your daughters the importance of self-love and self-respect and the value of being feminine and tapping into their feminine "self" and the power in that. Teach them the value of strength in the ability to say no. Teach them to assert themselves, as opposed to just smiling all the time and being a nice little girl - give them A VOICE - and show them how to use that voice in feminine ways, while still maintaining the ability to posses masculine ways outside of the home, such as in careers. At home, always be a woman. Outside of the home, it's okay to be exhibit a bit more masculinity - but teach them how to appropriately balance the two and encourage them to have a voice of their own and instill the right to say "no" in them.

Show your sons a positive example of a male role model. If you're a single mother and your child does not have this male role model in his life in the form of a father or grandfather or uncle - consider a "Big Brother" program for your child. Screen this individual heavily and also make sure they posses the masculine traits you wish for your son to have. Those of character, morality, leadership and confidence. A man that will teach them to wield a hammer, fish and hunt, how to sow the land and the value of respect that comes from hard work. Do not shelter them.

That may sound corny, but those activities are character building activities that build confidence in young boys through achievement and success. A young boy might think there's no value in throwing a hammer, however, when he builds his first birdhouse at the age of 9 all by himself and sees the joy it brings to his mother or grandmothers face - he will have succeed, accomplished an achievement and this will build his confidence and make him feel happy - happy as a young man that is able to "provide" with confidence.

Cont. . .

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

These may sound like traditional old school ways from dead eras gone by - but there's value in those old school ways and nowadays, that value is being lost and those activities in young men are no longer being encouraged, which leaves young men feeling a bit helpless and confused about what being a man is really about.

Help your sons and daughters be the men and women they were meant to be.

And most importantly, do not SHELTER your children. I know this goes against the grain nowadays, however, bear with me here. The reality is that life is tough and full of suffering, setbacks, obstacles, challenges and heartaches.

If you constantly swoop in and shelter and protect your child from any consequences from their actions - then they are NOT learning the coping skills that are necessary to get them through life's ups and downs that they will most surely be hit with in adult life. You are doing them a big disservice by not letting them experience failure and consequence. Without the development of healthy coping skills necessary to weather the setbacks that life will surely throw at them as adults - they will suffer greatly and end up on your doorstep at the age of 35 with all of their belongings in a trash bag - because life threw them a curve ball that they didn't have the skills to cope with and work through - and since you've always sheltered them from that - YOU are going to be their shelter later on in life as an adult as well.

That's called "enabling" folks - and it's not a positive thing. Step back and let your children experience a fall once in a while. And instead of swooping in to protect them from it - be a responsible parent that instead teaches them HOW TO COPE WITH IT.

They will thank you for this as adults :-)

Peter said...

@MOA and Ladies

I'll add this from the same publication as its relevant to the article...

The Mens Health Lab-Proving Seduction can be taught...why the "Pick Up Arts" are the way forward.

Many PUA's claim you can manipluate manipulate into sex with you in just 20 minutes...we set out with one writer to prove you can.

We take a group a of hopeful men into a club surrounded by beautiful women and make them all into different men using tactics from a legendary PUA guru. Around women these men would normally be void social cripples but with the tactics they learn the men now have somethiing to offer and are different men.

An hour into the class before the bootcamp begins and half of the other students can't even speak to me and I'm not a woman.

To start with the PUA offers a series of trick manipulation tactics to ensure it is women who have to invest in you. He uses the word "or" to dazzling affect "are you a student or..." and "Is this a celebration or...." by using the 2or" technique you are making her do the engaging and taking that off you.

Like wise lines like "I can only stay a minute" are used to engage and ensure she knows you can walk away..she must provide attention and is insecure over your itrest in her. She must engage you.

Then there is the "sex and city method" these men are encouraged to fake charm and give the impression of interesting communication skills. "you remind me of sex and the city" when they show interest you ask "which of you is samantha?"...many PAU's have found that women who associate themselves with that character are the easiest target to manipulate into sex.

Another one is the snap out technique a PUA will approach a woman ask something like "whats good at the bar?" she then asks "what kind of thing do you like?" the snap out method is designed to change the thought process..here she expects him to name a drink..but he says "adventure" at the same time as touching her in a provocative way. I see a PUA do this minutes later her tongue is in a womens mouth and they're moving off out of the bar.

Time and again the students are encouraged to use manipulative, suggestive and sometimes cheesy lines. Every one of these men has scored as promised and is out of the bar.

Take these methods and use them right now on any women you meet...

Ask her an opinion question designed to force her to think and invest by saying more one of the most effective "on a scale of 100 how bad is the dj and why?" The more she talks the more likely she will step up that investment with sex.

Make her use her time...offer no drinks..ask no names..or for no numbers until a minimum of 2 minutes into a conversation. She must impress you before she is worthy of this.

Increase your height with yoga and wear cloths to make you taller..height is sexually attractive and women are more likely to enjoy casual sex with taller men.

Ensure she meets your standard..once shehas impressed with the above 2 minute limit..make her continue to impress you by asking pointed questions "do you eat healthy?"..."do you enjoy this kind of sex?" she if she fails to meet these standards.Showing you have standards makes her more likely to find you sexually attractive.

Be more confident and increase testorone. Workout before going out and take substances to increase testosterone. Use male hormones to make her believe you are more masculine and attractive.

The verdict ...MENS HEALTH APPROVED the Pick Up Arts are the way forward.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...


MEN'S HEALTH apparently approves MENTALLY UNHEALTHY MEN - what a joke. And ladies, you wonder why men constantly disappoint you, LOL.

They disappoint because they're being encouraged by publications like MEN'S HEALTH to be BITCHES:

"making her do the engaging and taking that off you." (Of course, because it's not like we'd expect you to actually MAN UP or anything.)

"she must provide attention. . .She must engage you." (Yea, because you're an insecure attention whore and it's all about YOU, not the woman).

"Make her use her time...offer no drinks..ask no names..or for no numbers until a minimum of 2 minutes into a conversation. She must impress you before she is worthy of this." (Yea, because you're the bitch here while she's required to be the real man and MAN UP - because apparently, you can't.)

"Increase your height with yoga" (Yea guys, do yoga - because it's very manly.)

"once she has impressed" (Translation: Once SHE has MANED UP because YOU CAN'T bring yourself to do it.)

"do you enjoy this kind of sex?" (Yea, because discussing sex within the first two minutes of conversation almost never signals you as a completely desperate perv, LOL.)

"if she fails to meet these standards." (MEN'S HEALTH is apparently assuming these men actually HAVE STANDARDS, LOL).

"Use male hormones to make her believe you are more masculine and attractive." (Yea, because you're such a bitch that your body isn't naturally producing male hormones, so you have to take supplements and FAKE IT instead, LOL).

"Every one of these men has scored as promised and is out of the bar." (Yea sure, and I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'll sell you, too, LOL.)

Now ask yourself, if it was that easy and ALL of these men behaving like sociopaths got laid from this - then why the hell would there be hundreds of thousands of men seeking advice daily on how to get laid, LOL? If it's that easy, why is MEN'S HEALTH writing article after article on how to accomplish getting laid, LOL? If this works, why then are men repeatedly requesting more advice about it, LOL??? Wouldn't this article be the answer? And if this advice is THE ANSWER, why then would there be more questions, LOL???

I'll tell you why - because none of this is working the majority of the time. And when it does, it only works on really young naive women or very insecure ones. And the reason it isn't working is because the men that need advice like this LACK SOCIAL SKILLS - PERIOD, CASE CLOSED. And no amount of manipulative advice in the world is going to help them build the social skills necessary to achieve success with women.

Hence, the need for more articles, more advice and more manipulation - because they're failures. Socially unskilled failures.

Don't believe the hype ladies - anyone can make claims of success and we all know that PLAYERS and SOCIOPATHS and PUA's lie, lie, lie, lie and embellish, embellish, embellish, embellish and exaggerate, exaggerate, exaggerate, exaggerate their success in life.

Illusion, manipulation and faking it are their tactics - nothing about them is real - yet we're supposed to believe they're finally telling the truth for once - about their success? Yea, right, LOL ;-)

Basically, MEN'S "HEALTH" encourages sociopathy and mentally UNHEALTHY behavior in men:

"Take these methods and use them right now on any women you meet"

And be sure to put on your best dress and finest pair of heels first guys, LOL ;-)

Vee said...

Hi mirror,
Want to thank you again for this blog - it's wakened the researcher in me to learn more about user guys because I am a trusting (too trusting) sort of gal and I tended to fall for many of the tactics guys use to bait and hook trusting gals because I was ignorant of the deception. Anyway, I came across this blog:


For those gals that want to see how these guys think and what specific tactics are taught to the PUA and the rational behind how they work, this site is a tutorial to other guys and stories of how the tactics worked. (warning some of the stuff is very graphic)

Playing on a woman's emotions is dirty pool and I want to be very aware of how men that know women (and yes I think some guys do this naturally without tutoring in technique just their instinct) use our natural reactions to certain signals to take advantage of what makes a woman a woman to trick us into feeling attraction and trust.

I hope the ladies learn more about themselves. I know that I am learning. I recently went out with a pretty nice guy that took me on very nice dinner dates and was very attentive and touchy. He held my hand and stroked my arm during a movie (kino escalation) and normally that would have primed me to be very receptive to him because I would have thought he was very attracted to me (and he probably WAS sexually interested). I used mirror's advice ladies and held back on the texting and calling etc., and guess what? Usually crickets with a sprinkling of texts when he is in an airport somewhere with nothing better to do. No date invitations for weeks. I think he is half interested but if I had done my usual and chased him a bit I'm betting he would have done the "sleep with her and disappear" act. So thanks again mirror for helping me to weed out a half interested man.

Vee (a late 40's mature fan)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

I'm so very glad you've found this useful. I feel this is one of the most important informational pieces on this site - because this is becoming a way of life for men - a lifestyle - and it's happening daily and damaging women extensively in emotional ways.

And then once women have been hurt and used and suffered emotional damage, many men then turn around and call them "crazy." When meanwhile, if they experienced emotions as women do and the confusion and pain it leaves them with (the feeling of being an object as opposed to a human being), I don't think they'd be so apt to use these manipulative techniques. Particularly if women turned around an manipulated them emotionally as men (which is possible to do by the way).

As human beings, we're all susceptible to manipulation. Which is why ACTION, not WORDS, is the name of the game when dating men. Forget the emotional ploys - the words, the touching, the smiles, etc. You can give those things weight when dating a man, but you cannot look at them as THE (only) indicators of interest. If those things are taking place yet no real action is taking place or follows that up - bail on the guy. Just walk away.

And it really pains me to see psychologists and professionals participating in this industry. As physicians, they're required to take a Hippocratic Oath that basically requires them to conduct themselves with morals and ethics when using their knowledge. But apparently, this oath is being taken lightly, even leading up to some major controversy over whey they were present during U.S. military interrogation sessions:


That gift of knowledge is not meant to induce and/or bring harm to others. And to see psychologists participating in "experiments" with women that they KNOW will cause these women emotional harm - it's just disgusting to me.

Personally, I think the psychologist that participated in the experiment that Peter shared from Men's Health magazine should lose their license to practice.

Ladies, educate yourselves on this topic, as Vee is doing - and it WILL open your eyes and give you an entirely new perspective when dating. You'll pick up on this crap immediately - even in the slightest speech or mannerism.

I'll give you an example. About a year ago, I went on a date with a man. He was an Aries so right away, I was prepared, LOL ;-) Anyway, on the second date, he said something very "telling" to me. He said:

"I help my friends get girls."

And then I saw an ever so slight "Billy Idol smile," a slight smirk, creep across his face that only lasted a second or two. That smile has been coined "duping delight." A slight smile that only lasts seconds and may only include one side of the lip as being upturned into an actual smile.

When he said that to me, I IMMEDIATELY knew what he meant. So, me being me, I immediately "corrected" him and I said:

"Oh, you mean you help your buddies MANIPULATE women."

He was STUNNED. Literally, his jaw dropped and he just stared at me for a second, mouth wide open. I laughed right in his face and he immediately began backtracking on what he had said:

"No, not really. That's not what I mean."

Yea right pal. That was enough for me. That was the second - and last date - with this man that I ever accepted. I didn't stick around to give him the benefit of the doubt - I walked away.

And I'm quite sure I saved myself a ton of headaches by doing so, LOL ;-)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

I've been provided with the names of the psychologists that participated in that PUA article in Men's Health that left one woman in tears and the others hurt deeply I imagine by the realization that they were mere guinea pigs in some psychological experiment and the use of their real names being published in that piece of crap article as well:




Why these folks still have a license to practice after using their expertise to manipulate women in an openly public and nefarious fashion is beyond me.

Anonymous said...

I'm a 37 year old single woman. I realized the other day when I was walking back from the gym that I've not dated in 2 years now, and I've never been happier. I have no man there to make me cry, play games, ask me for money, wish I'd died in my accident, knock up other girls, etc. It's sad that I'm finally happy, and it's because I DON'T have a man.

Anonymous said...

I love the advice you give...

So, I have a guy I've been knowing since I was 15 we are both in our 40's and recently we connected and on the first night slept together. After that he continued to pursue me but was clear that he didn't want to be in a relationship which was cool with me since I'm newly divorced. To be honest I just wanted sex with no strings attached. My question is when I don't call or text him or take to long to text or call him back than he immediately thinks I'm mad at him or I'm being a stranger. So, I'm confused about the signals he is showing me. I think he's a player yet when I don't show him I'm interested than he gets in his feelings and when I talk about other guys around him he makes jealous comments but is quick to say he doesn't want a relationship if I try to talk about us... I don't know I'm just confused about this guy and I don't really have the energy to play games since I thought we were being honest with each other. So, today I responded to his email he sent me and said, "I'm not mad just frustrated with the mix signals" I don't call or text him yet when he does reach out to me its always my fault on why we don't talk... Please help me out...

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

The next time he opens up about this or causes a stink, take that opportunity to calmly and maturely say to him, "You don't want a relationship, yet you expect "relationship style" communication and instant access to me. Is it a relationship or is it casual?"

And then don't say another word. Sit there in awkward silence if you have to and let that roll around in his head. End the call on that tone or walk away if you have to. Leave that question with him and give him some space and time to think about it. . .and see what comes of it.

Anonymous said...

You give the best advice you need a TV show. Please let me know if this is drag. A guy I'm dating said he has crazy work hours and sometimes forget to call me cause when he comes home he just wants to chill. Yet, when I ignore him and don't respond in a timely manner he starts tripping... calling me, facebook, emails, texting until I respond. Yet, he says he is not ready for a serious relationship sometimes I feel like he wants me although other times I feel like he doesn't... What should I do?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Well first off, this man is extremely insecure and when he starts acting up again, you might want to casually work that word into conversation regarding his behavior. Plant a "seed" so-to-speak for him to think on regarding his behavior there.

Second, he doesn't "forget" to call you. If that's true, then that means you're incredibly insignificant to him. And based on his actions when you don't respond as timely as he'd prefer, I'd say that's not the case. So he's not forgetting, he's CHOOSING not to contact you.

And that's a signal that you're a "convenience" to him. He's treating you like something he pays attention to when it's convenient for HIM. He's selfish and he's also a control freak in a sense. That acting up and acting out behavior when he doesn't get the response he expects is control - him exerting control over you.

So the next time that happens, you may want to casually remind him that this isn't a relationship. When he's tracking you down, respond with something like, "You chose to maintain a casual dating situation with me, yet you expect relationship type treatment and attention in return."

Remind him that this is casual by HIS CHOICE and that if that's what he truly wants, then he has no right to expect communication similar to that of a relationship.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the advice. And OMG! I agree 100% he is very selfish and lazy when it comes to a relationship when he does text me he's asking me to call him back??? Really why didn't you just call me before you text me. He's always saying how special I am to him and how no matter what I will be his girl. Yet, the minute I express my feelings he is quick to remind me that he's not ready for a serious relationship. When I do check him he's quick to say 'good move I deserved that I'll do better' but he doesn't. I have strong feelings for him and when I try to keep it moving which I'm no doormat and can walk away from this although there is a part in me that feels like his heart is in the right place . I will follow your advice .

John said...

When I lived in DC and The Game first came out, I was intrigued. I spent $2000 for a 3 day Mystery Method Workshop like Neil did in the book. It was awful! It felt like improv class. After the first day I asked for my money back. The main thing these techniques accomplish is they give the guy confidence.By being this "other" person like Neil becoming "Style", it makes the whole experience of rejection and approaching women impersonal.You ladies are just so darn intimidating! lol

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Thanks for sharing your story here and your honest experiences with these folks :-)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, sorry but im going to have to challenge women's pedestal on this one. I KNOW how women talk about men and all the dirty secret sex they have with their friends. I have made a point of understanding women and the disturbing truth is there is little to no difference between them when it comes to this kind of stuff. Women have been reading their own version of the game weekly since the mid 70's with the advent of women's magazines. Women's magazines are full of shit about how to run mind games, when and how often to give your man a blow job. The thing I personally found most remarkable is women's ability to lie to themselves about nearly everything. They don't want to admit to themselves that they broke up with a guy because he has a small dick, no, no, its really because "your too different" or some other excuse. The plain truth is that women don't like to perceive themselves as mean or shallow so they lie a lot. The difference between men and women in regards to dating... call out a man on being a slut "ok guilty, I just really like women. Calling out slutty woman, "Your honestly asking me why I slapped you across the face!?". Really women you have to quit these retarded double standards.

Important footnote.

Women absolutely crave alpha male personality traits, no matter how much your hopelessly insist your just looking for a nice guy bla bla blah, you will choose the "bad boy" every single time, I have never seen anything counter to this. Women pick the men they say they want AFTER they have been impregnated and abandoned by the man they were most "attracted" to.

Little soul searching is in order.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous July 8, 10:47AM,
You're off point here my friend. Yes, of course there are many women that are shallow and base their decisions on men as such - but the point of this piece is to highlight the DELIBERATE INTENTION to MANIPULATE WOMEN that is encouraged in the book.

It's one thing to be shallow. It's an entirely different thing to set out with bad intention from the get go as a tool to satisfy selfish sexual needs. Sure, men and women out there are both guilty of such, but using terms like "VC" for "victim chick" - come on, that says it all right there.

The entire point of the book filters through the lens of how to victimize and emotionally manipulate women - it's not about how to make women happy or how to treat them well or how to be a gentleman - it's about how to get over on them. Then guys like you show up and attempt to justify those actions by saying generic stuff like, "women are mean, women are shallow." The difference between those two concepts is:


2) One is the result of a shallow personality.

Of course, the second reason is still not the way to be, however, setting out with bad intention to deliberately manipulate others and victimize them is really stooping.

Men like to come here and comment and say stuff like, "Women need to stop acting like victims."

Then they turn around and create an entire way of dating that makes use of terms like VC's - victim chicks.


And this statement below simply isn't true, unless of course, you're surrounding yourself with shallow women that are vibing solely off primal needs and nothing deeper than that:

"Women absolutely crave alpha male personality traits, no matter how much your hopelessly insist your just looking for a nice guy bla bla blah, you will choose the "bad boy" every single time, I have never seen anything counter to this."

If you've never seen anything counter to that, then I'd suggest that you cease slumming it in the dating cesspool that consists of bars, nightclubs and many online dating sites geared strictly towards hooking up and instead, step out into the real world and meet a woman of substance. One that's mature, knows what she wants, is done with the bar/club scene and is independent, self-sufficient and confident.

I guarantee you if you meet a woman like that as opposed to the immature, shallow types you seem to be keeping company with - she will definitely hold herself to a MUCH higher standard in comparison.

And this:

"Little soul searching is in order."

Take a look around this site and read the comments here and you'll see plenty of women doing just that my friend.

And as far as this goes:

"I KNOW how women talk about men and all the dirty secret sex they have with their friends."

Speak for yourself - all women are NOT the same, just as all men are NOT the same. You have gentleman and you have players. You have real women, and you have divas.

Maybe it's time for you to increase the QUALITY of women you keep company with - instead of the QUANTITY.

Anonymous said...


Just to clarify some things before I begin, I do not preach, condone or practice any of these unbelievably lame ploys for female attention. For me it stands somewhere between laughable and grotesque. Personally I aim for classic gentlemen and have always been cool with girl because I take them for people and they always respect that.

I also agree that this kind of material is for a certain variety of man...

but would also like to present you with the following evidence.


(I would also like to add that the website was referenced by a third party news-feed)

Now that stuff about women having a tendency to be shallow, admittedly its pure conjecture, based on my own biased opinion. I also know a lot of very cool girls and guys that find all this PUA stuff really amusing and... generally agree that its exclusively for those who suffer from interpersonal difficulties.

"Women absolutely crave alpha male personality traits"

Admittedly on refection this seems a little sensational. But I still stand by the sentiment, I know what kind of guys are going to get a more attentive reception before seeing them interact with any women and all man-faces look the same to me. You just know, like women, just know.

Attraction of the most part is pretty subliminal and we're all hopelessly human in some areas of life. I'm just pointing out that both women and men have the potential to be predatory in their actions, they may uses different tactics but the intention is the same.

Also try to remember a lot of the guys are (to use "PUA code") AFC

I dont think women fully appreciate the plight to the "AFC", If you were perpetually ignored by the majority of the opposite gender you might resort to these "methods". You have to take a little pitty, its not like he can just wait at a bar for a few hours and wait to get laid like almost all women can (and sometimes do times do).

My opinion is basically that its funny. If you can't tell a guy is "spitting game at you" then that also is equally hilarious, I see it all the time though! and honestly I hate to tell you but I see it work. I used to cringe but now... Well anyway.


Your really hot, I like the way you write. But I hate the things you write. Want to grab a drink sometime?

BOOM - Its like magic!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Male,
Well, the article you shared, while entertaining, really has nothing to do with dating. And that's the MAJOR problem I see nowadays, particularly with the younger generations. They confuse hooking up with dating. Hooking up is not dating. And dating is not hooking up - they're two entirely different things. And the article you reference, in my opinion, is geared towards hooking up. (The girl admittedly considers sex on the 3rd meet up "waiting" LOL. .umm, okay.)

I mean lets face it, a lot of men will accept sex when it's offered - and then lack respect for the woman secretly afterwards. So if you're seeking a relationship, sex will not lead you there. And men that are seeking relationships but pressure women for sex and invite her to telephone, call, text (basically invite HER to be the MAN in the situation and take the lead role) - end up becoming unattracted to the woman quickly once she does what they've asked. And many men don't even know why this happens. Many men don't even understand that the fact that they handed over the lead role, the thing that makes them happy and makes them feel like men, to the woman is what actually ruins the experience for them.

Maybe a lot of men feel like AFC's, however, as a woman, I disagree that that's what they actually are. I believe that this feeling persists in many men because - they're simply FAILING at being MEN. And by that, I mean, they are not manning up, grabbing the bull by the horns, pursuing and impressing and going after what they want. Instead, they are acting passive about dating nowadays. Sitting back, inviting women to call, text and pursue THEM, instead of it being the other way around. As a result, they don't feel like men and this is because - THEY'RE ACTING LIKE WOMEN. They're expecting WOMEN to court THEM instead of it being the other way around, as Mother Nature's natural gender roles intended.

And once this dynamic sets in place - the guy ends up feeling insecure. He lacks confidence about his masculinity and that's because he's not honing his masculine skills and instead, he's honing his feminine skills, his feminine passive energy, by trying to take the easy way out. In the end, he's the one who pays the price for that. The consequence of that approach is lack of self-confidence and lack of self-esteem and they end up with a bunch of unstable, "crazy" women stalking them, all of which they are unsatisfied with in the long run.

Because the only women these tactics really work on - are insecure women. The tactics are aimed at capitalizing on those insecurities. So what happens is, you end up with a "like attracts like" scenario in that, insecure folks are attracting insecure folks. You end up with insecure guys attracting insecure women and that dynamic creates a toxic dating environment for both parties.

All that's needed is an overall improvement of social skills, not manipulation tactics - and dating in the traditional manner (courting) can aid men in honing those skills and will cease the passive AFC victim mentality that many of those men carry as well, "Women are mean, women are shallow" - yep, women will be mean to a douchebag and yep, they will act shallow with an overtly passive man (because many women desire a leader and if the man isn't leading, they WILL step into the lead role as they feel someone needs to do it).

Like this:
"both women and men have the potential to be predatory in their actions"

Cont. . .

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Very true, but with women, this goes back to the "someone should lead" expectation that they have of men - so many times what happens is when a woman crosses a passive man's path, she WILL lead if he's not man enough to do it and if he's overtly passive, she'll secretly lose respect for him (the same as men secretly lose respect for a woman who sleeps with them too soon) and he can get trampled as a result.

But is that HER fault - or is it HIS own doing - a consequence for not stepping into his God given gender role that ultimately creates this dynamic?

Because sometimes, we invite our own problems onto ourselves without even knowing it. Because you see, there's always an "energy" balance present in relationships of any type - yin and yang - masculine and feminine. And if the man is going to play the feminine role (a too cool for school player type or a meek man type), then the woman will play the masculine role (diva, vixen or emotionally unstable insecure controlling type). So if a guy is being chewed up and spit out by women - it could be that that's because he's emitting the passive energy in the relationship as opposed to the leading energy and he's creating this dynamic unknowingly.

And that's what most players do - they play the "too cool for school" route, which basically turns them into the woman in the relationship - even though the many arrogant types would vehemently deny this and be unable to see that that's what they're actually doing. "Hey baby, call me." "Hey baby, shoot me a text when you get home." "Hey baby, let me know when you want to have a drink." When he should just be DOING those things himself instead of passively sitting back and inviting the woman to take the lead and ending up run over or passed over as a result.

Just about every woman on the planet has a desire to be desired and when these PUA's and players act like they could give two shits, it's like throwing a blanket on a woman's attraction for them - that is, unless of course, you're an insecure woman that will do anything for male attention (which is usually the type of woman that these guys end up having success with).

And ladies, check this out:

"Your really hot, I like the way you write. (Attract) But I hate the things you write. (Throw a "neg") Want to grab a drink sometime? (Comfort and Seduce)

BAM - there it is!

Head's up gals, LOL ;-)

And thanks for sharing your views. Even though I can be snarky at times, I do appreciate the discussion and encourage mature participation from both male and female points of view.

Anonymous said...

Here's an alternative that makes sense and blatantly calls the bullshit on the PUA...


The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous July 30, 11:46PM,
Thanks for sharing that my friend. I didn't have a chance to read the entire ebook, however, early on you hit on a point that I've made before, which is - lack of consistency exposes the truth in time.

Pretending to be a real man and actually being a real man are two different things, and it's this lack of consistency the woman instinctually senses over time that gives these men away.

Anonymous said...


I’ve been reading your blog for so long, and in the past I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve said out loud, “Damn it, why didn’t I listen to Aphrodite! I knew this would happen.” There’s that. Now, I met this man (exactly a year younger than me), immensely successful, confident, and is in business. So, I’m not naïve to the whole marketing, product placement, buyer-be(freaking)ware tactics he uses. We hung out the first night, and he wouldn’t let me leave, playfully, always recommended something else. “Oh, let’s play cards!, etc.,” but I eventually had to. He text asking the next time I’m coming over and I responded with “When you invite me.” I don’t know if that was the right move. However, he asked again the next day. The following day, I text him him: “When are you meeting me at “so-and-so” restaurant?” And he said, that it was on me, because I’m “Ms. Busy.” I told him to ‘ Stop the games and tell me.’ And he responded with “5:30” and I said “See you soon.” We met and hung out later at his place, and it got late and he was mentioning how he had to do this and do that, etc. So, I cued it up, and gathered my things and shoes, etc. I was getting ready to leave, and he looked upset, but whatever. He followed me down the steps, as he realized I was seriously leaving, the way down I kept saying “why are you following me? You’ve got so and so to do. “ and I thought he was going to give me a hug, as he’s done previously, but he quickly reverted his energy to focus on the door, and said see that—lock, that’s how it goes, goes down—that’s why I followed you. Of course, it was shitty, and indicative and great data. I didn’t like that—I text him “Jerk.” And he said “I’m the jerk? You’re the one who ran away—I wasn’t done with you yet.” I responded sarcastically, “Oh, I had no idea.” So, a day goes by and he texts me again, “Don’t ever run out of my house like that again.” I responded “Don’t let me,” and his response was “Deal. I’ll catch you like a little rabbit.” And that’s where I’m at. I haven’t responded.. I don’t even know how to. I feel like this is a marketing con-artist. He hasn’t been anything but kind. The first date he paid for everything, and every adventure, but this time I paid for my own stuff. If I pay, I don’t owe a man any favors, or any expectations of a kiss, etc. That’s my mentality. Help me!!!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous July 31, 12:35PM,
Yea, being in marketing, he's definitely going to take the route of trying to "sell" you on whatever illusion of himself he'd have you buy into.

I'm sensing a lack of authenticity here and a whiff of entitlement. He seems resentful in a sense that YOU are not pursuing HIM and it's leaking out in subtle ways in his actions:

"He text asking the next time I’m coming over and I responded with “When you invite me.”

“When are you meeting me at “so-and-so” restaurant?” And he said, that it was on me, because I’m “Ms. Busy.”

"he was mentioning how he had to do this and do that, etc. So, I cued it up, and gathered my things and shoes. . .I was getting ready to leave, and he looked upset"

“I’m the jerk? You’re the one who ran away—I wasn’t done with you yet.”

“Don’t ever run out of my house like that again. . .Deal. I’ll catch you like a little rabbit.”

There's an underlying tone of resentment there - I sense he's resentful that he's not being chased by you (as he probably experiences 99% of the time).

So he's got a little game going on, where he's taking small digs in an attempt to make your insecurities surface, so that YOU will CHASE him (so he has all the power and control):

" I was getting ready to leave, and he looked upset. . .You’re the one who ran away—I wasn’t done with you yet."

You see, that was a little game. He felt that if he acted "too cool for school" and like he had much more important things to do, your insecurities would surface at the thought of being pushed out the door - and you would jump into bed with him in an attempt to distract him from doing so instead.

It backfired.

And now he's resentful:

“Don’t ever run out of my house like that again.”

He's playing games, they're backfiring and now, he's kinda got a "I'm going to punish you" air about him:

“Deal. I’ll catch you like a little rabbit.”

And this was the same exact tactic:

“When are you meeting me at “so-and-so” restaurant?” And he said, that it was on me, because I’m “Ms. Busy.”

He wanted to again act "too cool for school" here and became blase' about the time (most likely because he was irritated that he had to initiate the date in the first place) in an effort to make your insecurities surface (oh no, is he losing interest?!) so that you'd "jump" and CHASE him.

"I feel like this is a marketing con-artist"

Yea, and his ACTIONS are lining up with that, too - smoke and mirrors.

You did the right thing here dear and you're handling him the right way - don't let this man bowl you over. Make him WORK at this in order to PROVE that he's GENUINELY interested in you.

Otherwise, this is the type that will be all charming (while delivering veiled ignorance and attempting manipulation) - up until he gets what he wants. And this is also the type that, once they're finished - become VERY RUDE and VERY IGNORANT.

They cry about how badly you're treating them or say/do things to insinuate that you're so mean and horrible and blah blah blah (all because you don't become the easy girl) but when they're done - they're some of the most ruthless, ignorant and deceitful men on the planet dear.

Don't fall for his tricks. I'm not saying he's a horrible man, I'm simply saying that the writing is appearing on the wall - so pay heed is all and proceed with caution.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous July 31, 12:35PM,
And notice this, his insinuation that you're "prey" that's about to be gobbled up (he really gives himself away here, LOL):

"Deal. I’ll catch you like a little rabbit."

And then look at the image at the top of this piece here:


He's the cat (hunter), you're the rabbit (dinner).

Proceed accordingly dear because you're being "tracked" right now - as prey.

Anonymous said...

Gosh. Thank you! Awesome insight. Awesome.

I responded back to the "catch you...rabbit" message with a "That's what all the men are trying to do." And he responded back with a 'Not actually. ;)" and I said "Good--I'm way too quick anyhow." So, I don't know.

I did forget to leave out that before I ran out--he text "2 dates and not a kiss goodnight."

I'm aware of the potential and what road this could lead me down--I just don't want to willingly walk down it, while thinking "Why didn't I listen to Aphro...." Hahah.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous July 31, 3:10PM,
LOL, oh he's a hoot alright, and more predictable than he realizes:

"That's what all the men are trying to do." And he responded back with a 'Not actually. ;)"

Once again, it's a "neg" - a veiled insult. One minute he's going to catch you, then the next - he's not even trying, LOL - what a riot.

That's how you handle this one, don't let these insults and slights he's dropping affect you one bit. Instead, roll along with them as you have (because they're meant to chop you down a bit, so don't let that happen.)

"2 dates and not a kiss goodnight."

There it is - the entitlement, LOL.

Because he's taken you on two dates, one of which you paid your own way for too boot, he's now standing in a position to "receive" from you, as if your obliged to provide sexual favors of any kind here, even a kiss, as a result - of his ONE real date, LOL.

He's keeping tabs dear - and he's expecting for you to feel obligated to him - and he's a tad resentful that you're not jumping into his lap at this point - by the second date, LOL.

Yea. . .be VERY careful with this one dear. The sooner you sleep with this cat - the quicker he'll be gone.

soulsoprano said...

@Mirror...I couldn't help but look up a couple of these shameful psychiatrists with the links you provided. I found this page to be very interesting. Right away I noted two distinct things. In this "about me" section of his practice website, he reveals that he himself is in psychotherapy as a form of "self care". In other words, he allows some one else to do his thinking for him.

The second thing that blew me away was towards the end, where the article proclaims that Dr. Mike is in a committed relationship. Ladies, why would we need to know this doctor's relationship status? Shouldn't his listed genre of therapies dictate that he should be a professional, well prepared to handle any inappropriate transfer of emotion during care? Why does the wording in this article indicate that, if any attraction occurs between himself and a patient, it would be the PATIENT'S FAULT. Because after all, he TOLD you ahead of time he was COMMITTED to someone else! LMAO (and also sad too)He is not only advocating this potentially dangerous, life impacting behavior, but he is also PRACTICING IT!

My eyes are wide opened on this one. I wonder how many more of these types of "profiles" we can find on the internet, and report them one by one...eliminate as many scumbags as possible from the dating pool.

Anonymous said...

Hi Aphrodite
I've known this guy for 3 years. We met at my friends engagement party. We've always been friends. Within the past 2 years. We have become very close, like best friends. I started to develop feelings, so I backed off a bit because for starters I didn't know how he felt about me and there was no way in hell I was going to approach a guy and say I have feelings for him. I figured if he likes me back he'll come to me. In the mean time I didn't let him hold me back. I dated other guys lived my life, but was always still there for him as a friend,

About a few months ago he admitted he's had feelings to me for a while and wanted to transition into something more than friends. Although I really liked him, I kept it cool, because my gut was telling me it was spur of a moment kind of thing. So when he asked me to tell him how I felt about him, I told him he was an awesome guy, and I was willing to give it a shot. If something comes from it great, if not that's great too. He even asked me if at one point I hoped for him to bring it up, and I responded by telling him at one point I did like him, but let it go because if something were to happen it would happen naturally.

We talk casually for a few days. then 5 days go by and there is no contact. I don't contact him and he doesn't contact me. I strongly believe that the guy should be the pursuer in the beginning. I talked to my brother about it, and he said since you have been best friends with this guy go ahead shoot him a casual text. So I did just that. I kept it short and sweet. I asked how his final preparation was going. He didn't respond until almost 4 hours later. We ended up talking that night, but I could feel he was distant. So I asked him if he felt weird about the conversation we had the other day about us being together. He told me he felt uncomfortable and wants to remain friends because he doesn't want anything to get in the way of our friendship. I honestly felt played at this point. It almost seemed like a game. After that conversation, he disappeared then appeared a few weeks later. he kept initiating contact, sometimes I would respond more than half of the times I wouldn't if I didn't think it was necessary. When we did talk I was still respectful because he did admit he's never approached a girl before, he was always used to having girls throw themselves on him. I was still there for him as a friend, though it was hard for me.

Anonymous said...

He recently asked me to come visit him. I live in New York and he lives in Michigan. I told him that I was not comfortable with the idea of flying to another state to hang out alone if we were just friends.

Even if we were dating, if the guy wants to see me, he better come to me. There is no way in hell i would ever go to him unless I was in a serious committed relationship.

He could sense seomthing was off so he begged me to talk about it. I opened up to him and it took a lot out of me to do it. I couldn't just go back to being best friends with him, so I told him that I was concerned about this friendship of ours and I didn't want either of us to hurt each other some how that turned into talking about 'us' again. Although I didn't want tht to happen, my intention for bringing this up was to merely distance myself from him not to talk about us. He told me he wanted to get to know this girl he saw at a convention. At first he told me tht he promised he'd hang out with her, but then few days when I stopped responding to his messges, he clamis he hasn't even talked to this girl. He keeps contradicting himself, and although I don't say anything, I think he's mistaking my silence for my stupidity Anyway, . He asked me a question that really made me sick to my stomach. He asked "if tomorrow I come bck after getting to know this girl and want to get to know you,would you slap me? what would you say?" He also said that I have no flaws in my looks personality etc he just wants to be 100% sure of this becaue he's claming that he doesn't want to play games with me or lead me on since I'm 'so special to him' But don't you think this is a game??

I felt so insulted that he would even think to ask me that question because I felt as though I am just a girl on the side. I told him I have to go. He's been trying to contact me and sometimes I entertain it sometimes I don't. We talked about it and he realized what he said was extremely messed up. I feel as though he is taking me for granted, assuming I'll always be around. At one point he even said 'at least before even though you wouldn't respond to my messages I had a peace of mind knowing I had you, but now I'm so ancy I feel as though I'm losing you."

I need advice as to how to deal with him only because we have been close friends for 2 years. He told me until he finds someone he wants to keep things as is, but when he finds someone he wants her to be his best firend. I am extremely insulted by this statement. I don't deserve this. I want to teach him a very good lesson. So he knows not to mess with me again. He's on vacation at the moment, and I haven't and don't plan on contacting him. It's been 7 days since we've had any communication going. Should I apply the no contact rule here? I am a really nice girl, but at the same time I warned him from day one not to cross me because I don't put up with bs, and disrespect. Any help would be greatly appreciated on how to deal with a guy like this. I hate the fact that I still like him even though I'm not showing it to him. He's a Capricorn and I'm a scorpio. Idk if that helps. Everything just seems very shady. Please help!!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

"if tomorrow I come bck after getting to know this girl and want to get to know you,would you slap me? what would you say?"

Basically he's saying that your second best there and he wants to see if there's anything better, which is very insulting. (And the reason it made you sick to your stomach.)

"at least before even though you wouldn't respond to my messages I had a peace of mind knowing I had you, but now I'm so ancy I feel as though I'm losing you."

He has definitely taken you for granted dear and now he realizes that you're pulling away, as you should be.

"He told me until he finds someone he wants to keep things as is, but when he finds someone he wants her to be his best friend."

WTF is wrong with this guy?? He's basically telling you that you're a "backup" - and "option" that he doesn't want to let go of until he finds the right one - which apparently isn't you. Is he out of his mind???

"Should I apply the no contact rule here?"

Absolutely, no less than 30 days, no contact AND no response.

"Everything just seems very shady"

Not only that, but honestly downright ignorant considering there's a two year friendship here as well. He needs a consequence dear - give him a month long one.

Anonymous said...

"if tomorrow I come bck after getting to know this girl and want to get to know you,would you slap me? what would you say?"

"Should I apply the no contact rule here?"

Absolutely, no less than 30 days, no contact AND no response.

"Everything just seems very shady"

Not only that, but honestly downright ignorant considering there's a two year friendship here as well. He needs a consequence dear - give him a month long one.

Hi Aphrodite.
I want to thank you for your advice. I really appreciated it. So far he hasn't contacted me and I haven't either and don't plan on to.

Lets say for he doesn't contact me for the month I'm disappearing from his life. Then he suddenly reappears. Do I respond a month later? How do I handle this? I want to teach him a real good lesson. One he won't forget. We haven't talked in 2 weeks since he's been on vacation so I'm thinking of extending it month and a few weeks.

I want him to think 10 times before he tries to pull this with me or any other girl again.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous August 28, 12:57PM,
Well, this is a personal decision dear. However, if it were me, I'd be hard pressed to EVER speak to this man again. And in most cases, I suggest that the woman remain NON-RESPONSIVE until one or more happens:

1) He contacts you with an apology (this signals he realizes what he's done, has given it thought, and is ready to humble himself and have an honest discussion about it.)

2) He contacts you with a request to "talk" (again, signaling that he's thought about this, realizes his role in it and is READY for a "talk" about it.)

If you don't receive an apology and/or he doesn't express a desire to talk things through, then he's a waste of your time dear.

He's not learning from his mistakes - nor will he.

Chances are, he will simply continue living a very selfish lifestyle at the woman's expense (expecting you to behave as if nothing happened, he's done no wrong and feeling entitled to treat others poorly without consequence.)

VooDoo Pork said...

Love your site. These articles are well written, articulate, and funny as hell...along with having the ring of truth to them. I'm 100% a feminist in terms of career, education, and living an independent life, but it seems like some of the unintended consequences of that movement gave (some) guys more of an excuse to act like pigs while dating, lol.

The whole PUA thing would be funny, if it were not so sad....no, it's funny anyway. Who ARE these people? Seems like anyone with a bit of sense would be able to see these losers coming from a mile away. If a guy ever came up to me and tried any of that nonsense, I would laugh in his face. Nice hat, bro.

Then again, I wonder if any of them stop to consider that maybe they're not actually putting anything over on women- that maybe some women just want to get laid as much as they do, and they (the so called PUA) just happened to be the only game in town that night. Although I'm sure that we could all do better than some chump in a knockoff Diesel jacket and a major sense of entitlement...right!? :D Come on ladies, let's start cutting these suckers off!

Brett Vaughan said...

This guy sounds like a total freak and he needs to be shut down! It's guys like this that give other PUA a bad rap. Some of the others are really trying to help people get real dates that could turn into real relationships, not emotionally beat a woman to death and then swoop in for the kill. That's taking advantage of women and that's way outta line!

This guy is a looser witha capital L. He sounds like a real duche bag who teaches trusting men to be just like him... a complete A$$hole!!

Anonymous said...

The guys who send cheesy one-liners on dating sites are mostly doing it because they don't know any better, but the dangerous ones open with original messages that are usually longer in length (based on the messages I get).

It always involve some kind of story that makes you laugh and go "What the F#?"

One guy messaged me yesterday with a ridiculous story about us getting together, meeting my parents, and divorcing over the weekend. He then ended the message with, "How many messages like these do you get? :P"

I decided to bust him and replied, "Haha, 5 in the past week. Bet you're all studying the same PUA."

He wrote back, "Okay you got me. I used to study PUA stuff. Hope I got a laugh out of you, maybe you can return a laugh. What's the story behind ?"

Even after admitting he studied PUA material, he's still trying to run game and qualify me - and thinks it will work on me. Ridiculous, LOL.

But I know these messages work on other women... otherwise the guys wouldn't keep recycling these ridiculous messages. They're a dead giveaway that the guy knows and runs game - and has taken the time out to LEARN and refine their skill. Very dangerous.

- Vivian

Anonymous said...

I have a question I'd love your opinion on. I'm online dating, and 3 weeks ago I went out with a guy. We wound up having a great time. We made plans to go out the following Saturday, and he was in contact for the week leading up to that. He called on Saturday to cancel. He had spent the entire day moving and running around, which was believable as he'd mentioned he was moving a couple of times, and understandable. He said he would call to set up another date and he really wanted to see me again. A week later, I hadn't hear from him. I shot him a ''feeler'' text, and he responded saying a lot was going wrong at work and he was still stressed about moving. I responded politely and left it at that. Another week went by without a peep until again Friday, when he texted to ask how I was doing. I don't understand modern dating, but in the early stages of dating, I still feel like a guy should be in contact if he's interested, so I take his silence as a lack of genuine interest. Would you respond to him at all? If so how?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous October 5, 9:00AM,
There could be legitimate things going on in his life that are distracting him right now, but I do agree that yes - interested men remain consistent in contact.

You can respond, but don't put all your eggs in his basket. Meaning, continue to explore your options because his behavior is signaling that he's distracted right now and possibly not interested. So don't get too caught up in this one particular man.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for responding (Oct. 5 question), and thanks for your advice and all the articles on your site. It's easy to feel lost and guidance and reassurance really helps ~ Elizabeth

Leliana said...

Mirror, please write a book if you haven't yet! (I stumbled on your blog just now and this is the first article I've read, so if I have missed the fact that you already wrote a book on dating... I'm sorry, I will check the rest of your blog in a minute and I'll find it soon enough!). I really enjoy reading your advice in the comments.

Personally, I'm clueless about dating. I've always fallen in love with people who were my friends first, so I've never actually gone out on a date. I've also only been asked out once by a guy who was definitely not for me (a neo-nazi who had some serious emotional issues).

The other times that I have been asked out, it was done as mockery. I don't think I'm considered even average in attractiveness, but I have no idea how attractive I really am. I do get frequent looks and
eye-contact, maybe even a smile, but nobody ever comes over and starts talking to me. This really doesn't leave me a lot of options. I'm 21 and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 14. I'm quite okay with living alone most days, but it can also be difficult because every remotely cute guy I come into contact with is immediately interesting to me - I'm very vulnerable.

Only yesterday in the gym there was an instructor helping me, and to point out a certain muscle-group he stroked his hand over my back... (Not in a creepy way. He was just an instructor being an instructor.) Now
I can't stop thinking about him. Thank God that I can at least discern that it's an irrational reaction on my part. (Ha ha, and there I was judging the nazi for having emotional issues...)

Sometimes I think that even if I were to be asked out, I'd refuse simply because I don't trust the whole dating
thing. I'd rather be friends first, because I have good experiences that way.

Hmm... Speaking of which, do you perhaps know a way to 'meet' guys in a friendly way while also not
friendzoning them? It's nice to ask a person to go somewhere because I want to get to know them better
(as a potential friend), male or female, but males might get the wrong idea. I can sit around and wait for
some guy to ask me out, but I don't think that'll ever happen to me. I don't have my looks going for me, it
seems. Not enough for a guy to risk rejection.

Also, it's amusing that after reading this article, I actually can evaluate guys I've met in the past who have been doing this to me and I didn't even know it. There was one who did the negging thing and even though
I did not know the word back then, I was very aware of it the moment it was happening. He started comparing me to his ex-girlfriend, and said something like: "She was perfect. You are not. But then again...
I'm no longer into that type of girl." Then he coughed and said that it was meant to be a compliment.

Because nobody likes perfect, right?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous October 12, 4:18PM,
"I've always fallen in love with people who were my friends first, so I've never actually gone out on a date."

Dating should always start out as friends first dear. So you can date and start as friends, too :-)

"The other times that I have been asked out, it was done as mockery. I don't think I'm considered even average in attractiveness"

Mockery? By some idiot I imagine. Don't let that type of experience dictate how you see yourself dear. Do not let others behavior and opinions dictate how you value yourself. And don't ever put yourself or your looks down dear, because there are a ton of beautiful people out there that are absolutely horrendous individuals. Beauty is not only on the surface, it also lies within.

And how YOU value YOURSELF, is how OTHERS will value YOU:


So always speak highly of yourself, regardless of what others have tried to convince you of :-)

"Sometimes I think that even if I were to be asked out, I'd refuse simply because I don't trust the whole dating thing. I'd rather be friends first, because I have good experiences that way."

Dating should always start off as friends first dear. You don't have to avoid dating altogether simply because you prefer to begin relationships as friends first. That's the way it should be done when dating anyway :-)

"do you perhaps know a way to 'meet' guys in a friendly way while also not friend-zoning them? It's nice to ask a person to go somewhere because I want to get to know them better (as a potential friend), male or female, but males might get the wrong idea."

Yes, men will make a lot of assumptions about a woman who asks for their company, which is why I don't advocate doing that type of thing. It can turn a woman into a "victim" of sorts from day one.

"I can sit around and wait for some guy to ask me out, but I don't think that'll ever happen to me."

Well, you need to "put yourself out there" a bit - you need to step outside your comfort zone a bit, and you will see that yes, it does happen to you, too. And what I'd suggest for you to do so, is online dating. Bear with me here though, because I'm NOT suggesting that you do this to find a mate. I'm suggesting you do this to:

1) Build your confidence
2) See that you do indeed receive male attention
3) Step outside your comfort zone
4) Get your feet wet in the dating world

But what you need to realize first is that there are many men there that are "predators" sexually. So you'll need to filter them and you'll need to NOT take them seriously at first. You'll need to go into it and a date looking at it as if you're simply there to make friends, socialize and meet people - that's it, nothing else. And if you go into it like that, and you get comfortable with it, with dating and with male attention, you'll see your confidence build and it will begin to shift your perception of things in a positive manner.

Cont. . .

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

But I do not suggest sites like Plenty O'Fish or Zoosk or any of the free sites. They're loaded with men that are very upfront about seeking hookups only. They're rather "trashy" sites if you get what I mean. Probably the best site for doing what I'm suggestion you do, would be Match.com. While it still suffers from those types of men, people there have to PAY to be there, and that makes a bit of a difference in my opinion.

And even if you never go on one date there, having a profile there that's active for 30 days will show you that you do indeed receive male attention when you're willing to step outside your comfort zone.

"There was one who did the negging thing and even though I did not know the word back then, I was very aware of it the moment it was happening."

Yes, many times, women find that their guts are signaling to them that something's not quite right with a man, but they just can't put their finger on it. Well, when that happens, I say LISTEN. Because women will instinctually be able to pick up on things that don't seem quite right. But what happens is, because they can't pinpoint exactly what that might be, they have a tendency to dismiss those feelings.

I say don't dismiss your gut. It's a built in survival mechanism that's been with us since primal times and it hasn't gone anywhere since - it's still with us. Trouble is, with all of this over-stimulation of the senses nowadays with technology and advertising and all the crap we're bombarded with daily, people have a tendency to dismiss is and not hear it about all the "noise" that's in their face.

But when your gut is signaling to you, just listen to it. Don't try to figure out if it's right or wrong, don't try to figure out what exactly it's trying to tell you - just listen to it, acknowledge it, acknowledge that it's signaling "warning, danger" to you - and then act accordingly.

"He started comparing me to his ex-girlfriend, and said something like: "She was perfect. You are not. But then again... I'm no longer into that type of girl." Then he coughed and said that it was meant to be a compliment"

No one is perfect dear. Even someone that's perfect on the outside will have flaws if you look closely, both inside and out. So that's a load of crap from him right there. Additionally, that is such an ignorant thing to say, that it signals he lacks character and that he's a very superficial individual that lacks substance. So screw him, LOL ;-)

Wish I would've been there, because I guarantee you, I could've found PLENTY of imperfections about HIM to bring to light, LOL.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mirror!
This article is right on the money...The PUA GAME stuff is endemic.
For example, this seemingly sweet guy began talking to me and pursuing me.
I was told by a female friend of his that he was totally smitten with me, etc.
Anyway...he asked me on several dates and to "hang out". Many times I couldn't go bc I was really busy with work. Anyway, all of a sudden, he started pulling these "negs" and passive-aggressive behavior: Like asking for last minute dates when he KNEW I wouldn't be able to make it. Then, he even turned down offers from me (made as counter offers to his offers, etc.) Then, the disappearing act...only to return a month later like noting happened. I know for a fact that he had been talking to jerky male friends...who were coaching him in this kind of behavior! It was really sad...bc he want from being really nice to super mean. I think he expected me to freak out and ask him what the hell he was doing/where he went! He got nothing from me...total NC. Anyway...you are right. Men, even "nice" ones, are doing this now.

Anonymous said...

Don't think there all bad. Remember you have to imagine yourself in someone else's shoes before you start hating. That's what GREAT PUAS do. A great PUA/PLAYER/ what ever you want to call him/ her does it because it can provide GREAT energy to the WORLD. Not just a person/ or group.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous November 16, 12:19AM,
"Remember you have to imagine yourself in someone else's shoes before you start hating. That's what GREAT PUAS do."

No disrespect, but are you kidding me? Does a PUA imagine himself in a woman's shoes that's on the receiving end of his "negs" and veiled insults that are MEANT to make her FEEL BAD about herself? Hmm, let's see. If I remark about your bald head, or your spare tire, or your lack of a six pack, or your small member or you mediocre performance. . .and then follow that up with some "comfort" to "seal the MF deal" - are you going to feel good about yourself afterward? How about that, can you image that? Can you imagine what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that? Can you imagine what it feels like to have all of your faults spotlighted in a "neg" that is INTENTIONALLY meant to make you feel bad about yourself?

And do you honestly want folks to believe that an industry that refers to women such as this actually has good intentions:

DDBL – Doggy Dinner Bowl Look

DTF – Down To F*ck

Fatty (Tuna) – A woman who doesn’t look great, but is still doable of course.

FGOP – Fat Girl Overhead Photo

FTOW – Find and F*ck 10 Other Women

VC – Victim Chick

"A great PUA/PLAYER/ what ever you want to call him/ her does it because it can provide GREAT energy to the WORLD."

This is downright laughable. And provides clear validation that that industry appeals to sociopaths. Great energy to the world - via "negs" . . .which by the way, is a word that is short for NEGATIVE. So tell me, how is it in the warped world of PUAS that emitting NEGATIVITY INTO THE WORLD - is actually providing great energy to it? WTF?

An industry that coins tactics around neg-ativity - is NEVER going to emit positive energy into the world. How is it that the neg-ative energy that you guys emit somehow miraculously transforms itself into "great energy" into the world? At what point does that miracle occur? At what point do the neg-ative tactics used by PUAS somehow miraculously transform into positive?

That's some seriously warped thinking.

Lioness of the Sun said...

I've had men try to use this crap on me. I haven't read The Game yet but should so I can spot more of these tactics from early on. Usually I can see right through it. Instead of men learning cheap tactics on how to "win" over women into bed with immature insults and pretty words that have no action to back them up, men should invest more time in understanding women's general needs in relationships and dating.

90% of dating guru advice caters to women on understanding men. What about the other way around? They always argue that men don't read self help books as much as women, but some men do read it. I think continuing to cater to women only is just encouraging men to feel that they don't have to make an effort to understand us better. More blogs should provide info for BOTH sexes. I'm glad this one does have some advice to men. Enough men DO post on women's dating advice forums. I guess these dating gurus are just too concerned with their profit above all else and the money is in women, not men.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Lioness of the Sun,
I hear what you're saying but I think the issue with much more being published geared towards women than men may depend on two things:

1) how you look at it (your perspective and your needs)
2) women seek self-improvement much more than men

If you search on the internet for dating advice as if you're a man - there's tons out there.

But if you're on the receiving end of that (operating a website), you quickly realize when analyzing data and metrics that a much larger (drastically larger) portion of the searches - are generated by women and not men.

And what that means is that women are seeking the information more than men - approximately twice as much:

1) Women are searching for the information more than men
2) Women are seeking out self-improvement methods and advice more than men
3) Women are analyzing things a lot more than men

So anyone running a site quickly realizes that the demand for self-help/relationship advice stems largely from the female population versus the male population.

And at that point - it becomes a supply and demand issue.

The demand for self-help/relationship advice from women far outweighs the demand from men. As a result, to meet the hefty demands from the female population seeking insight and advice, many site operators then turn their focus towards the female population and perspective - in an attempt to supply that large informational demand generated by the female population.

I don't think it has much to do with women being "wrong or needing more help" and men "not needing assistance and being right" as much as it stems from women simply having a greater demand than men for that type of information.

And it makes sense if you think about it - women tend to naturally analyze things and go much deeper into thought about them than men do. Women are the more emotionally complex of the two creatures and as a result, will have greater informational demands to assist them with that analytical thought process :-)

Anonymous said...

@MOA- Great article! I lost my first comment, which was phenomenal, but this will sum it up.
It's hard for us girls to remember every trick boys have up their sleeves, but it's easy to remember this.

PUA goal: sex by any means necessary
Female countermove: anchor panties to bra

It's so not rocket science. Ladies, pull your heads out of that dark, smelly place and open yourselves to experiencing an epiphany. It's not benefitting you to behave like a wife toward a man (e.g. easy sex, home cooked meals, laundry service) without a commitment or a title.

The PUA may be difficult to spot, but he is easy to defend against. No self respecting PUA is willing to stick around while a woman clenches a nickel between her thighs and avoids all date locations that don't require an investment on his part (e.g. his place).

PUAs may present a problem on the dating scene.
Solution: Less desperation, more self-control.

Happy Hunting!

WomenPower said...

Dear Mirror of Aphrodite and ladies.

I'm a regular reader here. Thank you MOA for your exceptional voluntary job: sharing your wisdom and warm generosity; your painful experiences which have become diamonds; doing really brilliant analysis while commenting and responding. Many of us read books, articles concerning men & dating; lived some terrible issues but few of us made your conclusions and decisions...in a such open minded and psychological/gender deeper perspective.
Changing mind of women bringing them a rational alternative how to date a man: claiming our dignity and power. Dansing a sublime danse of genders... which has exact rules and steps. Our female "role" is to understand and see that "secret" gender code in order not to suffer...

I live in Western Europe and travelled a lot, meet many people from various countries and I can say that MOA's analysis and descriptions of a "new" dating patterns are a universel experience; not only in the U.S. Ladies, how similar are our problems while dating...

I found an interesting "soft" article from a gay guy: "Why Men Objectify Women". As a bonus there is a funny song parody on Robin Thicke song - Blurred Lines. Enjoy!


Greetings from Western Europe :)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

EXCELLENT piece dear, thank you for sharing.

Ladies, it's a "must read" - seriously.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mirror, just wanted to share a recent conversation:

Had one guy write, "Can you keep up with a guy one year younger than you? :P"

Hahahaha, seriously?

I replied, "Haha the question should be - can a guy younger than me be man enough to gain my respect and admiration."

He replied, "Looks like we're both jousting for power. I like your confidence. But I've dated girls a few years older than me and they weren't disappointed."

Stinks of a player. Barf. Just another day in online dating, LOL.

- Vivian

Steve said...

I stopped reading this part way through. You have a number of things wrong here. For starters the fact you think that "bitch shield" is suggesting the woman is a bitch means you can't even have looked into what the term means.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Yea, you're absolutely right, I made them all up. . .WTF?

And yet with all these things you claim wrong here, you didn't bother to enlighten us or provide the correct interpretations...player. You swing in here, drop a neg comment, position yourself as a pua with expert knowledge by pointing out errors, yet you don't bother PROVING any of it...then you leave.

Yep, sounds about right...another pua pretending to be something he's not. I imagine that's a similar experience to dating you..a big disappointment that's full of bs.

Peter said...

@ "Steve" Which lets face it is not going to be your real name. and the ladies

I don't comment here often anymore but after this seeing this at the top of my comment feed while I was working I wanted to reply to this. I guess I wanted to show women here that other men do hate this too,and that this damages a lot of things for both men/women. My mood this morning was such that this post hit a nerve regarding how I feel towards people like you right now "steve".

You and men of your kind really are pathetic to me I don't just mean you PUA's..I mean men who cheat..men who devalue and abuse women..mistreat women..fake and insecure men. I recently lost something I consider to be something special with a woman who I believe to be a "once in a lifetime woman". However due to people like you..men like you in her past(cheats, lairs and players) she no longer feels that a relationship is what she wants. I may never get that chance again with her because of guys like you. I really despise you and your kind.I had a friend(not really a close friend more a hanger on) like you, and I say had because he is no longer welcome in my social circle I cut him out. He moved to a different city and I am actually glad on reflection that he's gone..because he is one less moron who I have to listen too spouting rubbish like you probably do. I also see he actually did nothing but follow me around and try to feed off whatever success I had..he had none himself. PUA and the playing mentality attracts men of a certain type that has been talked about here on this blog before.

If women do need some kind of "shield" it's because guys like you no longer make the dating scene or being in a relationships that matter..safe places for women to feel and be safe doing so with full trust. Instead you give the image that women are sex objects and not only that but that they're also stupid..I can tell you now no decent women will respond to your fake rubbish. These are people with intelligence not programmable robots.

Do you know what you do to women when you do this? A LOT of damage that's what, or do you think making paranoid of good men..distrustful..fearful of being used and ran over is the key to long lasting relationships? Yeah ask someone who married for happily 40 years and I bet none of those words don't come up. I'm happy MOA posted this make awareness for the women here, but I dislike you guys having a forum to spew your rubbish.

You're also that stupid that you don't see a damn link with all the PUA terms posted on this very article. Yet claim it's not researched? what an idiot..were you born an Idiot or did you take lessons?well you probably took the master class.Then again I suppose that's why you need lines and game..wouldn't want you people busting your one working brain cell trying to think of something to say..what a tragedy that would be for us all.

Your type looks in the mirror and sees "old school" seducer like a James Bond type..ACTUAL old school guys look at you and see pathetic little kid wannabe who they can't respect as fellow men..women look at you and see deeper still..desperate ass insecure man boy. That's not something and amount of classes can cover up that's a human failing as a man by your kind.

I hope one day karma catches up with your type. I feel the principles I hold are less and less relevant as time goes on precisely due to the modern culture we live in. Ladies just so you know men hate this too,because it's disgusting. If my view makes me a dinosaur in more ways than one then fine I'd rather be single than lower myself. At least I can then respect myself act with dignity and conduct myself with humility without associating myself with your kind.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mirror,
Want to thank you for this blog. I’m happily married for 20 plus years. I was introduced to a co-worker during working hours and within 15 minutes I could sense something was different about him. By the end of the day I was very attracted to him and couldn’t figure out way. I’m around strong successful men all the time and I had never felt this way before and if I was single not the type of person I’d be attracted to. It took me 4 LONG months to figure out he was a PUA. I finally hit the right google search and there it was in black and white. By this time I had already taken an emotional hit. Not sleeping, not eating, losing weight. I was in emotional turmoil. Looking back I can remember him using these techniques:
Push and pull
Run on sentences with constant changing subject/trace words (meant to confuse a women’s mind)
Hypnotic induction- I couldn’t find a lot on the internet. But here is some of what I found:

• The technique works before you speak, and while your speaking back and forth. If you don't keep the conversation going and haven't turned it to an intimate subject, this technique will turn off the girl, as her conscious mind will get a chance to catch up. The easy way to stop is to look away from her when conversation is slowing down--if you've done it right, she should start the conversation back up to recapture your attention. It's a perfect way to tell if you've completely captured her attention.

The Hypnotic Gaze is known as the soft stare. If you've been on Youtube and seen the Hypnotic thief in Italy, you've seen an example of the hypnotic gaze. It is the simply looking someone in the eyes while allowing your eyes to become unfocused. In the right context, if you have her attention, you will keep her attention, she will feel as if you have an intimate understanding of her, and the more you talk about her world the more she'll give you the keys to her world. And she'll follow you anywhere. Add to this, some mirroring and leading, and she will be putty in your hands.
I think if I was single I wouldn’t have taking such a hard emotional hit…with having this feelings and knowing I was married. So married women please be careful. By the way, he was married too.
I’m so thankful that I found this blog because I felt so alone and that no one would believe me or think I’m crazy. I’m so glad I don’t have to date in today’s world.
Does anyone know of a website where we can “out” these men? Within 48 hours of meeting this man I google his name and noting came up. This could have saved me 4 month of emotional distress and the cleanup afterwards.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jun 13, 9:20 AM.
I'm glad you found this useful dear :-)

"Does anyone know of a website where we can “out” these men?"

You can do this on the Don't Date Him Girl social channels (their website is being redesigned right now):



chk61 said...

Online dating provides the perfect mechanism for men to play "the Game", especially intelligent, attractive and educated men. Men complain that online dating is skewed towards women and perhaps that is true, some women will only date a man who is 6 ft or taller, but for men who photograph well and appear to be a "catch" in their profile, it's like being a kid in a candy store.

Take this piece I saw on TV the other morning and also read his article on the Huff Post:


Online dating is making dating and relationships extremely difficult. Men are provided satisfaction of their primary fantasy, which is access to/potential sex with a never-ending variety of women. The link below is to a book from the 1980's but what the author states remains true about men's primary fantasy (the exact opposite of women's primary fantasy: security with ONE man.) Of course, internet porn (which did not exist in the 1980's) has also fed into this new social problem:


(Yes, there are always exceptions. There are men who want one woman, who want a family, who fall in love with one woman. They are still men, however, and they are built differently).

Some of the men dating online who ostensibly fit the "catch" category, who may have been wounded in their divorce, are deciding against further "relationships", and getting their primary fantasy met with a never ending string of new women, new faces, new bodies, and none of that messy emotional stuff.

The women also have needs/sex drives, and yes, often they are having sex with these men...usually in the hopes of having a relationship. Yet often, they have been "gamed". These men have no intention of a relationship. The woman he dates is just another notch in his bedpost, a stroke for the ego, and he will quickly lose interest and go back - sometimes the very same night after he has had sex with a beautiful woman - to peruse the literally hundreds of pretty faces waiting to meet him, who are hoping to have a relationship with him, and he, fresh from a successful hunt, is just looking for his next "meal", his next conquest, and the lovely woman he just bedded is discarded.

These men are getting away with it because the current climate can make women go LONG periods of time with no physical affection, I'm talking years (I've lived this). And a woman can easily be influenced or manipulated by a good-looking smooth talker who really seems to be "into" her. I'm not blaming women, I am one and have fallen prey to this. We woman are only human. But with internet porn, online dating and other forms of social media, we are up against a tough situation for finding a mate.

Men are entirely different creatures. One male friend told me that having sex is like "brushing my teeth, just something I have to do". The woman they fall for is usually the one who rejected him, who did not make it easy, who used her own feminine charms and wiles and was somewhat unavailable. Men can easily jump from one woman to the next with apparently little concern for the woman's feelings. They can justify it with: "hey, I never promised her anything. She has free will."

It happened to me.

The current climate with the rise of PUA and "The Game" is making the dating landscape (which is mostly online for busy professionals) extremely inhospitable to women. Yes, it CAN happen. You CAN meet a great guy - three of my friends did. But ladies beware, there are a LOT of players online with the same mindset that this guy in the piece has. And they don't lie awake at night feeling guilty. They have read "The Game" and they want to play. They want to compete and they want to win. They are just "boys being boys".

purenkool said...

Wow! Insightful helpful information for all of us women. Forewarned is forearmed. Being tricked emotionally is just as tough than compromising yourself sexually. Some of these losers play the victim card so well they should have their own one-man/boy show on Broadway or West End. Thankfully I did NOT let a narcissist have his way :) with me physically so I won! Yep. I said NO! And boy did that git fall hard on his lame ass. Let that be a lesson to the lil' man- bitch from the real Queen Bee - me. Poor thing...NEXT!!!

purenkool said...

I am a Gem who's got Aries guys chasing after me. What a bunch of spoiled babies/players/bullies! Sadly for them I am a defiant, confident, sarcastic woman who puts them in their place. I practice No Contact: my actions speak volumes. Silence is golden. It's easy!

Michelle said...

I am still trying to feel this new guy out. I have read many of your articles and I love the advice. I do try to follow some of it, but then sometimes I wonder if I am reading too deep, and or if I am being overly paranoid and mis trusting. At the same time I know that you have mentioned that a guy that comes on too fast and too strong is a red flag. I am concerned that I might be dealing with one of those guys?

I agree that we should judge actions over words and I am not sure if things are adding up.

I met him on Eharmony, he was quick to ask me for a drink. I said that based on past experience dates where the man doesn't try to get to know you first, tend to not go as well. He was actually good about addressing my concern and talked to me a lot for a week. Then we went out.

Now hold on because everything else happens in less than one weeks time....

Last Sunday, we go out for a pretty good date. He takes me out to eat, then to my favorite drink spot, and then for more drinks. The date lasted from 7PM-4AM. He spewed all the typical guy stuff...how beautiful you are, kept touching my leg, leaning in, and seemingly tried to make endless future plans with me. We should do this, I should take you there, oh i'll get you that. We kissed he walked me home like a gentleman and and planned the next date for Thursday.

Monday-Tuesday there was zero contact. He went to Pittsburgh for work. I don't know if he would have initated, but I texted him on Weds afternoon to see if we were still on. He responded quickly, had a bit of small talk, asked where I wanted to go, we agreed on another favorite place of mine.

Thursday we go out. Another good date. He stares at me the whole time, I have 100% of his attention, he gives me a lot of sweet talk, future plans, we already have the next date set up, etc. Date lasts from 8PM-3:30AM A few things on this date stood out as a red flag to me. One comment he made "we should have a lot of sex", and he didn't want to leave. He somehow made his way into my apt, but was only briefly. I was quick to get out of that situation, but he really tried to sleep with me. He asked if he could stay the night, or if i could sleep over his house. I rejected the offer, he says our next date on Weds is too long and plans to see me the next day for lunch. He tells me to text him if I'm up for it and he will be waiting.

I text him, and Friday we go out for lunch. He is more removed, but is also on his phone trying to talk to someone for work etc. He had a business call after our lunch. A bit distracted, and not as talkative, and maybe a little hung over from the night before. Goodbye wasn't as intense as others.

So I saw him 3x in less than one weeks time. He tells me I'm perfect, etc. I feel like all of this is happening too fast, and he seems to sweet talk a lot. Yet this week I feel like I'm the text initiator, (asking about our date, and the lunch) and if I don't reach out there is dead silence. For someone who claims to be into this so much and so intensely I feel that it is odd, that he is not reaching out in between these dates.

I am concerned that this guy is just a sweet talker trying to fast track to sex?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

"I am concerned that this guy is just a sweet talker trying to fast track to sex?"

Your gut is attempting to tell you something - and you should listen. Gentlemen DO NOT make "pressuring" comments such as this "we should have a lot of sex." Nor do they wear out their welcome and linger on a date until 3-4AM in the morning. To me, that sounds like a man that's "working" on you and your resolve, hoping that if he sticks around long enough, works on you long enough, and/or gets you drunk enough...he receive sex by "default" - because he's there, you've been weakened and now you're vulnerable...so he wins.

When a man words do NOT line up with his actions, it's a big red flag:

"He stares at me the whole time, I have 100% of his attention, he gives me a lot of sweet talk, future plans, we already have the next date set up, etc....Yet this week I feel like I'm the text initiator, (asking about our date, and the lunch) and if I don't reach out there is dead silence."

His ACTIONS (or lack thereof) are telling you something - and they're not lining up with his WORDS.

"For someone who claims to be into this so much and so intensely I feel that it is odd, that he is not reaching out in between these dates."

It is odd, which signals that his words are probably BS. Because men that are genuinely interested go after that which they desire. And when they're moving to fast and the woman slows them down, gentlemen oblige the woman's wishes and do not attempt to speed things up or apply more pressure.

Michelle said...

You were right as usual. This one vanished as fast as he appeared, although I really didn't think this one would give up so quickly. He did invest a lot of time and money into it. Nonetheless it boggles my mind, that no matter how old we get, men still seem to pull the same tricks they did when we were in our early 20's. I am grateful for your articles and am happy I didn't completely let go of common sense on this one.

Nonetheless, I won't be shocked if I wake up with a random text from him one day with a lame excuse explaining why he vanished.

Peter said...

@Ladies and MOA,

This was on the news here today. The British people taking a stand and making sure an American PUA can't get into the country to keep his teaching going:



The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Unbelievable - and the real shame is that young men are probably out there looking up to this douche bag. I think it's hilarious that he won't be permitted into the country LOL!!

Anonymous said...

MOA! Please help! After 9 years of yearning of his love without seeing him, we reconnected three months ago, then he used 'pick up artist' skill hunt me down on the sexting, then disappeared...only find out just yesterday on FB, he was digging another woman at the exactly same time when he was digging me 'emotionally playing' via email...I saw the together picture on this girl's cover picture of FB! Although I stopped contact him way before I saw this...but I am hurt so bad! Men do not understand women in general...when a woman in love and emotionally invested for that long time, no one understand what its like being cheated, played and emotionally manipulated. I am so angry! I want to drop a line like this to him: You threw my trust and true feeling in the garbage...what's goes around, what's come around. Although I knew the SILENCE is the best thing to protest the anger, but I just feel this deep and strong anger towards his behavior. What should I do now? please tell me so. thank you!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Mar 30, 9:09 AM,
"What should I do now?"

You should disconnect from him on social media and never respond to another contact from him again, never accept another telephone call from him ever again, never respond to another email from him ever again - and never contact him ever again.

He is not deserving of your attention dear - so don't give him ANY of it.

Anonymous said...

I have to admit, I've just been 'played' by a PUA. All the warning signs were there, and I recognised them, but was enjoying the attention, until the little negs started to build up, and he was also playing his game with other women, while we were on a date. In the end, he was a lame root. I just don't get it though. He put all this work in, but didn't even seem to want the root he got in the end. It's just the game that matters. Get the most surface-level connections as possible in one night. Make a bunch of shallow connections. I find it strangely pointless, and a little sad. But recognising the game he played makes me feel better, because the insults did sting a bit.

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