"Mirror, Mirror on the wall . . . where did he go, and why doesn't he call?"

Experiences With An Aries Male





I'm a female Taurus and I'll be honest, every new friend, male or female, I seem to make over the years is . . . you guessed it, an Aries.

It's a funny thing and many say that Aries, in particular, seem to be inexplicably drawn to Taurus folks. Anyone who is versed in mythology knows that Ares (Aries), the God of War, and the Goddess Aphrodite, a.k.a the Goddess Venus (planetary ruler of Taurus), bore a child together - Cupid. Being familiar with the Aries personality, many times I can't help but think it's because they underestimate the Taurus personality and tend to think Taurus is someone who will put up with them - and their giant egos, both male and female.

Anyone who truly knows the Aries personality realizes that I didn't just insult them there. Many an Aries will readily admit that it's all about them and this is especially true for the Aries male.

A previous post about experiences with a Taurus male has generated so much interest and discussion that I thought it'd be fun to explore the world of the Aries. But first, I'd like to note that I'm going to tread into some murky waters here and before all you Aries that are in denial begin to bash me for it, let me just say that I know plenty of wonderful Aries, men and women both. So as you continue to read this, please keep that in mind.

The Aries Male




The Aries male is a "mans man" for sure. A macho type that perceives himself as a knight in shining armor. If you ever hear a damsel in distress wailing for assistance, you can be sure that the men charging towards her are going to mainly consist of the Aries breed. And why is this you ask? My opinion is that it's because of their inflated sense of self. In their mind, if they rescue that damsel, she'll be so thankful for him having done so, she'll place him on that pedestal that he feels he so deserves.

You see, Aries men love nothing more than to be the center of someone's universe. Err, let me correct that. The Aries man loves nothing more than to be the center of - the entire universe. And for those of you close to an Aries male, I'm sure you can agree with that statement and your Aries man, most likely, will too. Aries men carry quite the sense of entitlement and many will readily admit to "deserving" things. Especially anything that they feel they've worked hard for. And work hard they do. The Aries male is no slouch. They like to enjoy the finer things in life and they aren't afraid to work for them. As a result of this tenacity and determination, the Aries man is generally a successful man - and they aren't shy about that. They love to hear themselves talk - about themselves and their successes.

You know the old Charlie Brown cartoons? Remember how it would sound when the teacher would speak? "Wah, wah, wah." That's what the Aries male generally hears when others are speaking - nothing but background noise. But when it comes his turn to steal the floor, and steal the floor they will, the spotlight comes on.

If dating an Aries man, on his good days, you'll encounter quite the gentlemen. He prides himself on this but watch out ladies! Aries men are quite the charmers. He'll be happy to have you by his side, he may lather you up with plenty of wonderful compliments and he'll always pick up the tab. After all, he's "the man." The Aries male will watch out for you, he'll defend your honor, and he'll open doors for you. But there's a price to pay for all of this - and that is that you will be his and only his.

Aries men can go so far with this entitlement behavior that you may find yourself unable to have a friendly conversation with any other male on the planet - ever. Psychopathic behavior and furious rage may ensue and when it does, don't make the mistake of confusing this with jealousy. It's about the competition and beating rivals, it has nothing to do with you. And beware, many an Aries man loves to compete with his best bud for a gal, especially if his best bud really likes her. When this happens, once again, it's not about the gal, it's about the competition. It's simply to prove who the better man is and many Aries men can be downright man-whores.

And ladies, when the Aries male rings your phone, you'd better answer and you'd better make yourself available to him. You could be meeting with the Pope and it wouldn't matter - your Aries man had better come first. These guys need lots of attention, from you and from the rest of the world. You see, he's the superstar in his universe and you'd better be his biggest fan at all times, or someone else will move into your worshipping position and right quick.

And my last point leads me into those murky waters I referenced earlier. What's worse than an Aries not receiving the attention that they feel so deserving of? Absolutely nothing!

Being the first sign of the zodiac, you can liken the Aries personality to the babies of the zodiac. Watching an irritated Aries man act out is like watching a two year old throw a temper tantrum. It's like that old saying, "The bigger the man, the harder the fall." This is particularly true for the Aries male.

Aries Male Game Playing and Story Telling


Which leads me to my next point concerning the Aries personality in general, male and female alike - game playing. Just as children love to play games, so does the Aries persona.

 As a matter of fact, it's admittedly one of their favorite ways to pass the time. It's almost as if the world exists simply for their entertainment and everyone in it is a character that can be easily manipulated by them for their own enjoyment.

Many times, without giving any thought to the fact that these people they're toying with are human beings, with real feelings. They don't mean to be mean, it's just that they're so caught up in their own world all the time, they don't ever seem to take much time to consider others.

All the Aries head games we're about to delve into won't come as a shock if you understand astrology. You see, their body rulership is that of the head. Eyes, ears, mouth, brain. So it comes as no real shock that head games are so intriquing to them. And one interesting observation is that many an Aries male keeps his hairdo top o' the list. Many sport the "jar head" look - a crew cut or very finely tuned crisp cut, a military look of sorts. I'd venture to guess that Aries men visit the barber twice as often as the average man.

I have a great example of their zany game playing that's just for kicks. I met this one particular Aries male about 5 years ago during a business encounter. He was from the neighborhood so I was somewhat already aware of his background. I already knew what he did for a living and, as is typical of Aries men, he had a great job and a successful career. You'd think that'd be enough to tout about, right? Wrong. This chap happens by my house one day and we get to talking on the front porch.

Nothing heavy, just friendly small talk. And out of nowhere, he says to me, "I used to be a DEA agent down in Chile." (Really? That's funny because I already know that you were a trouble shooter for a big company nearby.) Before I can get one word out, he's elaborating on this fib and watching my reaction closely. Me, being a Taurus, I chose not to call him on his ridiculousness that particular day. I just let him dig himself deeper as this story of his became more elaborate and dramatized by the minute.

But before I go on, let me back up here a minute. I actually hired this fella to do some work on my home. (Hmm, an undercover DEA agent that moonlights as a contractor - interesting, LOL.) Anywho, the day he showed up to do the job, it was about 58 or 59 degrees out, a breezy Spring day. I saw him go up on the roof, fully clothed, and about an hour later, he was knocking at my door, clipboard and invoice in hand - shirtless.

Yes folks, shirtless and half naked on a 58 degree day - in the clients living room. He's standing there with a big grin on his face and when he sees me approaching, he lets himself in, in typical Aries fashion, before I even make it to the door. And I swear, when he stepped inside the house it was like the Flight of the Valkyries was blaring in his head. "Da, da, da, da, DAH - da, da, da, da, DAH." It was like he saw himself as the lead character in his own movie about to perform his Oscar winning performance.

Needless to say, we were never involved other than business and my friends and I now affectionately refer to him as "the naked contractor." Ok, now back to the DEA story. At a later date, he ended up boppin on by again - another infamous Aries male trait - coming over when they're not invited or expected (to spy on you). Only this time, I decided to confront him in typical Taurus fashion about the DEA bit. I said, "Tell me again what you do for a living?" (Aries translation: Talk about yourself more.) His response? A big smirk began to display across his face, he looked down at the ground like a little boy kicking stones (awe shucks), and said, "I was a trouble shooter." And he just about cracked himself up over the whole thing.

You see, it was all for kicks, a game, and he was gunning for a big reaction to stroke that giant ego of his. "Oh wow! Really?! You were a big, bad DEA agent in another country (which doesn't even make sense in and of itself) - oh boy!! You must be the worlds most interesting man alive!" That's what he was shooting for anyway. That isn't the reaction he got from a Taurus, however. We rarely ever play our cards on the first few rounds.
 

The Aries Male Dark Side


That particular story is one that relates to playful Aries games. However, they do have a darker side, as do we all, and believe you me, they love nothing more than a good skirmish with someone. A girlfriend of mine that was involved with an Aries for more than 40 years claims that a heated debate can be much like foreplay to them. Like one of those scenes in the old fashioned black and white movies where the woman's telling this guy what she really thinks of him, she's really letting him have it - and then he suddenly and unexpectedly grabs her and lays a long, passionate kiss on her.

That's the stuff of Aries mens dreams. If you want to see an Aries man come alive, start a heated debate. But a hurt Aries male and the games that will ensue afterwards are something of an entirely different nature indeed. Ladies, beware. These guys can be downright cruel, especially during a breakup.

The Aries male motto concerning love and relationships just has to be, "All is fair in love and war." And to the Aries male, love IS war. I've seen many an Aries man, within days of a breakup, strut another woman in the previous womans face - and with great delight, like they just won the World Cup. I've seen them come up with ways to make the previous woman jealous that you wouldn't believe, gunning for that big reaction. You know, the kind where the woman just looses her mind and goes all crazy ape on the guy.

An Aries man won't be put off by that behavior, he'll be thoroughy entertained by it and he'll be sharing that story with his buds. "You shoulda seen her, she went nuts. It was great! I wish you could've seen it!" Yes ladies, these guys will "stoop." They'll play dirty and throw all the rules of etiquette right out the window - and into your face. Speaking of games, other favorite dating past times of the Aries male include doing silly things like sending a slew of texts and then - poof, disappearing for hours once they get you to respond.

 They also get a big kick out of making plans and then cancelling at the last minute. Much of this is to test your emotional strength. Will you go ballistic? If you do, they got your number - let the games begin! If you don't, you're a challenge. Again, let the games begin!

Maybe some of the above has happened to you and, dare I say, you seek revenge on an Aries. If so, play it careful, ladies. Once you engage these fellas, it's on.

Aries Male In A Nutshell


Are you getting what I'm throwing down yet? See the theme developing here? Games, challenges, conquering and warrior like behavior tinged with worship. It's even better when it all ends with a "rescue" of sorts.

The Aries male is a true gladiator and when you think things may be going badly, chances are - he's having the time of his life. This one loves a good bit of drama. Which I believe is the reason you see so many Aries/Gemini pairings. We all know the Gemini personality tends to be a split personality of sorts. The continued drama, worry, nervousness and indecisiveness of the Gemini persona seems to keep the Aries interested and continually challenged over the long haul. Drama, drama, drama and a pure love of the thrill of the chase. So much so, that once they catch you - all too often, they then quickly disappear.

Why behave like this, you ask? It's about the challenge. If that disappears and they've figured you out, as much as I hate to say it, you become boring to them. If you're gunning for an Aries male, my advice to you if you'd like to snag him would be to run in the other direction. Just run, run and then keep running from him. He'll chase you like there's no tomorrow and he'll love every minute of it.

What woman is the woman that usually captures the Aries man's heart? This is funny, but most times, a woman that's been with an Aries man for a while will tell you, "When I first met him, I didn't like him." And he knew it - and that's when the chase began, he stumbled - and then fell in love. These chaps are funny, the more you dislike them, the more they like you and the harder they set out to change your mind.



And don't let the macho masculinity of this sign throw you - they love a woman that speaks her mind and isn't afraid to put them in their place every once in a while. You may think you're going to upset them by speaking frankly, but the fact is, they'll be thoroughly entertained by your tenacity and find you even more intriquing.

 All that being said, generally, you can always count on the Aries male, regardless of your history together, friendship or otherwise. And once all the game playing and worshipping comes to an end, 90% of the time, you can look back on it together and have a laugh. When you've reached that point, feel free to poke fun at the Aries male for all his zany behavior and crazy story telling - I do it all the time with my Aries friends, male and female alike, and they can, indeed, laugh at themselves.

And then eventually will come the day they actually admit to "the game" - and they'll be quite sad it's all over.

"For Zeus wept when there were no worlds left to conquer."

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873 Comments:

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The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@JT,
I wouldn't have contacted him, but it's your situation and you can do as you please here.

Keep that old saying in mind, however, "Careful what you wish for" LOL ;-)

Anonymous said...

What I wish I'd done is split and had a few months of no contact instead of getting back together at that time. Because he and I had our own major personal problems the second time we got back, but we didn't communicate them. That was the problem...so it wasn't as pure love as before...there was more unsuitability, fear and doubt and that eroded the relationship away. His problem was coming away from Christianity and the pressure of others on him when that happened, and then going back to it when we split.

I wish I'd stayed away, not gone through it with him, but waited till he got his life's meaning sorted back to being a Christian. But no regrets as they just hurt.

What is your experience of an Aries who has said he doesn't love a woman unconditionally, probably never known any who come back romantically?

He came to the conclusion, that a man in love gives unconditionally to a woman, and the last few weeks of our relationship he had stopped giving a lot to me (like he had before), and so therefore, he concluded, he couldn't love me like a man should love a future wife. It's quite a Christian viewpoint.

I should also say, it wasn't the talk of the future only that split us up, it was because it included talking about having children, that ended it (for him).

If he hasn't found someone in a few months, I think he may say hello again...if he LIKES me still and misses me....that I've not blown it....or then again, perhaps some of what I said may resonate with him. Who knows.

Anonymous said...

@anonWoman
To MOA

"So it may be several months, but chances are, you're paths will cross again in some manner."

Sorry to ask again, do you think this in general, or in my specific case given how much he used to love me and it was a proper relationship?

Thanks MOA. Your site is utterly insightful and incredible. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

From @AnonWoman
To
The Mirror of Aphrodite,

Hi, Thanks for reading my posts.

"However, it takes men MUCH longer to miss people, process feelings and realize they actually like someone."

Like me? Gosh. I want him to actually love me, but liking me again for me to be in his life is a start I guess. I very much doubt our paths will cross in the physical sense out of the blue, as we don't live near each other as I am in the capital and him in the countryside. So it would mean him calling or texting me.

I only said one short email of negative things about how he hurt me, and then the rest of the communication that was swiftly followed was very much massaging his ego. That's why, possibly, we had so many long phone calls about our break up as even though I was disappointed, they were peppered with lovely compliments about him.

He said I was the 'best thing that ever happened to him', 'I don't want you, I need you'. 'You've changed my world'. His actions at that time, were so backed up with his words.

But when we hit trouble, it went spiralling down. Now, had I known to play him at his own game (my instinct told me to, but I didn't follow it), we may have survived. Because when I gave him a piece of my mind in a ballsy way when he upset me once, he was all over me for a week after showering me in love. I should have been stronger like that more consistently. I kinda am naturally. But I guess because I'd had some silly tarot reading saying he and I would marry, I let the power struggle when he was having a crisis, I let him take me for granted because of the tarot prediction, whereas I would normally have put him straight. So we might have made marriage, but done it in the way I normally would have without third party interference, if that makes sense. As we both agreed up until the end, there's no point trying if it's not forever.

However, we learn as we go along our lessons in our own time.

We were civil for a quite a while since the breakup for sure, he was still charming to me but not leading me on. But I felt he missed me. Well initially he told me he did.

However, since then, as I said, I have had an outburst getting it all off my chest. This could have put him off for good. Although he is a forgiving man. So I can see him contacting me a few months, BUT whether that will be romantic reconciliation, I don't know. I'll just have to see. I will play it cool and let it unravel in the way that is the real me, and that's what attracted him to me in the first place, me being the real me.

Do you know any Aries men that have told a woman they don't love her anymore, and still come back?

Well after we first split, he told me he didn't. Then we got back together and he said he did. Then when we finished he said he didn't...but he'd still be in touch and love contact. I wonder if he just needed more time to develop a deeper love, or, my not being stronger towards the end, made him fall out of it.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Dec. 18, 6:28PM,
"Do you think this in general, or in my specific case given how much he used to love me and it was a proper relationship?"

I think most men come back. Not all, but most of them do.

And I'm not sure what this distinction is that's being made here about a "proper" relationship. What's proper? And who decides what's proper? Isn't that decided between the two people involved? Don't they determine what's proper for them and what's not? Because you can't open up the dictionary and look up "proper relationship" and see a definition of it there.

Proper is how you treat someone. An improper relationship is one that is hurting the people involved or other people around them. An affair is an improper relationship because it will hurt the people being cheated on. A 45 year old man dating a 17 year old girl is improper, because the young girl can get hurt and the age difference is improper. A man who is staying in a marriage that he's unhappy in just for the children's sake is improper, because it will hurt him and the wife he doesn't love.

A "proper" relationship is one that involves two people who care about one another and treat each other as such. So I'm having trouble attempting to understand this label of "proper" here. Because it sounds like he's permitting someone else (or something else) to make that determination for him - like organized religious beliefs, instead of his own heart.

"He came to the conclusion, that a man in love gives unconditionally to a woman, and the last few weeks of our relationship he had stopped giving a lot to me (like he had before), and so therefore, he concluded, he couldn't love me like a man should love a future wife. It's quite a Christian viewpoint."

I'm not attempting to hammer on organized religion here, however, "he couldn't love me like a man should love a future wife." And how should that be? And who is telling him how a man should love a future wife? Is there a manual or a handbook out there somewhere with instructions, LOL?

I think, frankly, he's getting confused here. A man doesn't need to necessarily "give" unconditionally when in love - he needs to LOVE unconditionally. When you love someone unconditionally, that means there are no conditions involved to receive the love. Meaning, it's not "I will love you if you do this" or "I will love you if this happens" - those are conditions. The love is received depending on whether or not a condition involved happens or takes place.

Unconditional love can be seen in pets. You're dog loves you unconditionally. If you kick it, it still loves you. If you have a different color skin, the dog doesn't care, it still loves you. If you make a mistake and forget to feed it, it still loves you. If you accidentally step on it's tail, it still loves you. If you can only give it a home in a cardboard box, it still loves you.

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, THE DOG STILL LOVES YOU.

That's unconditional love. And quite honestly, it sounds as if he's placed "conditions" on your love here. And the condition he's placed on it is - how much he gives.

He's saying, "I've determined that I don't love you, because I don't give to you."

So the condition here is, "I will love you IF I give freely to you."

He's placing a condition on the love and the condition he's placing upon it is the amount of "giving" being done. The condition is the big "IF" here.

I will love you IF I give to you. And IF I don't give to you, then I must not love you.

He's making determinations about things being proper and unconditional . . . yet his behavior is improper and there are conditions placed upon the love?

I think he's confused.

Anonymous said...

Still exhausted. Anonymous - October 30, 2012 12:37 PM.

Dear MOA, you were so right. He did bang me across the head and drag me into his cave with a big smile on his face.

With 9 months of him chasing and me saying no, and him scratching his head, going away and then coming back again, I finally gave in.

I feel loved up right now, bcos so far so good. I got what I wanted --- not FWB, but GF. :)
I still have my life though, I can't count on his crazy schedule. He's crazy-running-about-the-place-schedule, literally giving him painful calves. He's quite scatter brained, brutally honest, has so much energy like a puppy bouncing around wanting to play, brutish, really brutish, but yet a gentleman - think beauty and the beast, has a funny sense of personal hygiene (as in I'm always surprised to see him using a deodorant with gusto, and he uses shampoo to shower), but I am happy. He also talks in his sleep - that freaks me out. Sigh... What the hell did I get myself into.


The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
Holy crap, I think we've dated the same guy, LOL!

I dated an Aries male back in May. He was whacky, LOL. He ran around like a chicken with his head cut off, he was always crazy busy, totally scatter brained, childish and brutish - and talked in his sleep and it freaked me out, LOL.

For example, on our second date, he phoned at around 2PM that day, "I'm leaving work now, going home to get my truck and then I'll be down. Probably in about an hour."

Ok cool. At 5PM, LOL . . yes, some 3 hours later. He phones again, "I'm on my way home now, I'll be there in about an hour." WTF, LOL?

I'm like, "You said that 3 hours ago, LOL, what are you doing?" He said, "Oh, I stopped to look at kitchen cabinets, I've decided I want to remodel my kitchen." Ummm . . okay. Did you just decide that on the drive home, LOL.

He got to my house at 7PM that night. At that point I was thinking to myself, "there's no way in hell I can put up with this crap." It took this man literally hours to focus on reaching his destination . . it was nuts, LOL.

Then one night, he spent the night and woke me up, talking - and I started answering, only to realize he was actually sleeping, LOL. I was like, "WTF?" He was having entire conversations! Then I got scared. I'm laying there thinking, "Oh dear God . . please don't let him start mentioning other women's names. Please don't let him start talking about personal stuff or I'm going to sleep on the sofa." I was so frightened something wild was going to be divulged. Then, outta' no where, he grabbed me - still sleeping - it was a total caveman grab, LOL . . he put his arm around my waist and slid me over to him. He wrapped his legs around me and said, "Do you know how crazy I am about you?" I'm like, "WTF? Do I answer this, LOL?" So I say, "Umm, yea?" Cause I'm not sure what the hell is going on here. And next thing ya' know, he's snoring, LOL.

Man, what a ride that one was. I mentioned it to him the next morning and he's like, "What do you mean? I was talking to myself?" Ummm, yea! Entire freakin conversations.

I have a girlfriend who dates an Aries. And she ALWAYS says this about him:

"He reminds me of a puppy, a labrador retriever. He's always running around, bouncing into walls."

And he freaks out over everything. Every little thing is a level 10 emergency with him. One day, she got up before he did, she left her two dogs there and went to get them some donuts. He woke up, saw she was gone - and started ringing friends, "I woke up and she was gone! Have you seen her! I don't know where she's at! What should I do!?"

He's hyperventilating on the phone with a mutual friend of theirs and the friend calmly says, "Yea, I spoke with her. She's at the store getting donuts for you two, you dumb ass."

He's ready to call in the national guard to chase down the woman at the donut shop, LOL. Running around the house with one leg in his pants, freaking out on the phone, yelling at people - all because she left to go get donuts.

Sigh.

They're a kooky bunch, LOL.

Anonymous said...

@MOA from @anonwoman

I totally agree with you. I like your dog analogy. Unconditional love is also like the love you give a child too, in some ways, but perhaps not as much as a dog.

When I said proper relationship - I guess the reason why I said proper, was because I reading lots of posts about men just circular dating and using women on your site, and I was meaning, our relationship wasn't like that. I guess I should have used the word 'loving committed' relationship instead.

So yes it was committed....but when we hit some problems and reunited after the first break up, it was faithful but not as loving in terms of there was less contact and less involvement in my life the second time round, and because he had lessons to learn after he ended it with me first (like me not doing the 30 No Contact rule on him for instance)....then he took me for granted more. I didn't do much mirroring either, when his actions weren't as positive as they used to be. Again, to my regret and partly because of the tarot reading (but lessons learned big time my end so never again.)

When he told me his 'he therefore can't be in love with me' theory - I did say 'I agree with some parts of it' and he said 'I hope in time you will agree with it fully.'

So I didn't go further into it at that point. I think at that point would have been the best time as he clearly went off moving on (but still in touch) and feeling along those lines, rather than seeing an error, as you say, in his thinking because it wasn't robust enough to take on board giving love.

His unconditional/love conversation was said to me quite a few months ago now ...last week in July... as I said, I've seen him three times since then, we never named ourselves as friends, but that's what it was...(although in early November the last one was dinner in that he paid for in a romantic French restaurant that he organised, the first one was again a nice restaurant he chose, and the second time was picnic in a park)...but anyway, it was still not as a couple.

In November was the 'hashing it out all' on my side - yeah talking about love etc....but I feel that he is really moving on now...he told he had 'almost moved on'.

Perhaps it may have worked if I'd have done 'mirroring' so he could be taught some lessons not to hurt people who love them. Because being available to meet as 'friends' after a break up.... I don't feel that was a good idea because it's not cutting off the blood supply immediately so to speak so that they really feel the loss. Being friends means that it is gradual and therefore making it easier for the man. Plus he still needed more time to 'figure things out' in his head I imagine.

Anyway, whilst I would do things differently now, if I had another chance to repeat the past, with the mirrroring and non friends bit.....it can not be undone.

The break up point is a very important time I believe, and if that's mucked up and the wrong choice is made through a woman's actions, I believe it can scupper an romantic reconciliation for life in most cases. Perhaps mine too unless mine is an exception to the rule.

Therefore, the only way to really see how much this man still cares about me, is to leave it and see what he does. I am on day 15 of No Contact. I am now starting to feel better too as like your blog says, no point communicating with the thing that is giving you pain - and boy it's sometimes (most of the time) been painful for me staying in touch with him after the breakup as he no longer gave me what I wanted from him or what I used to have. It was like going from a Rolls Royce to a bus that had a flat tyre and got stuck in a ditch.

The longest we have ever gone since breaking up is 17 days and then he contacted me - but that was before my 'clearing the air'. I feel though, he won't be in touch in 2012.

Anonymous said...

From @AnonWoman to @MOA

I have some hope in my heart but also am realistic. I also don't know if it would work or not reuniting after all the hurt he gave me saying he doesn't love me anymore but I may be able to get over that as I do agree about his confusion over it.

He ended it the first time for one hour then we talked it through and sorted it back.
Second time I ended it and then had to wait three weeks till he'd see me. (I changed my mind the same day and tried to sort it but he wouldn't talk after the first phone call) (fair enough)
Third time he ended it

I think you will agree with me, that it is unlikely he is coming back romantically but there are exceptions to patterns in life - be they rare or not.

The main thing is/lesson, for a woman like me, is NOT to have allowed myself to go through so much pain at the end by being in contact with him and let him know I was so sad, as that means:
1) I now have to heal from that indulgence of pain I went through and I have to live with the consequences of it being in my brain's memory bank and it can return at any time
2) The relationship could at least have a chance of reconciliation
3) OR just be a lovely memory of a lovely relationship that ended because we weren't right at that time.

Now it's peppered with painful emotions and confusion. But with No Contact I will get through it, I'm sure. I know some people never get over someone, but I pray that won't be me. That I will always love him in a small way, but that I get over him if he's not coming back, that's my mission.

Sorry my posts are so long!

Thanks MOA.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@anonwoman,
Never say never. Especially when it's a relationship where the two people did genuinely care about one another. If there were feelings there on his part, he might think he's able to shrug those off, but with men it's funny. Because it's different how they process feelings and emotions.

With women, they miss people and grieve the loss right away. So a month or two after a breakup, the woman is already doing much better and is, most times, moving on.

But with men, the first few months, they're running from their feelings, ignoring them, sometimes sleeping with other women using them as a distraction of sorts, out partying with the guys or just basically, in some form or another distracting themselves from feeling anything. Then, months later, all of a sudden, these feelings creep up on them and no matter what they do, they can no longer ignore them. And it gets worse, and worse and worse.

So 4 months later, when the woman is now dating some other man - here comes the old flame, outta nowhere, missing the woman and pleading and begging for a second chance. Because he's just now starting to feel and process all of those emotions he's been distracting himself from and running from.

I read an article once that stated that's usually 4 months later. They go from sitting at the bar with their buddies, laughing and joking and gawking at other women . . . to suddenly sitting there, pouting in their beer, whining and feeling guilty and confessing to their buddies that they miss their ex terribly. And the buddies pat them on the back, tell them it'll be okay - and then together, they all devise some whacked out plan for getting the girl back, LOL.

He's confused right now and chances are, he's probably distracting himself and running from his thoughts and feelings in some manner or another.

But eventually, those feelings are going to creep up on him - and that's when you're phone will be ringing.

And yes, it's not good to be friends after a breakup. Being civil towards one another is fine, meaning, if you see each other it's okay to say, "Hi, how are you? How are you doing?" But to hang out together - no, not good. It's painful. And there's no reason to prolong the pain.

You can either pull the bandaid off slowly - or yank it off quickly. Either way, you feel the pain, but if you pull it off slowly, you prolong it.

And yes, being friends with a guy after a breakup like that, and going to dinner, etc. with him - does indeed make it easier on him. It relieves him of guilt if he sees you're doing okay with it. It comforts him to be able to spend time with the woman, without being required to feel anything for her. Generally, it's not a good idea.

You want him to experience the consequences of his decisions. And if his decision is that he no longer wants you in his life - then HE needs to LIVE with that.

Don't sacrifice yourself or your happiness just to make things easier on him.

And sit tight . . he'll probably be back at some point in time. It may not be right away, but several months down the road, you may hear from him.

And if you hear from him any time soon - don't answer and don't respond. Ignore him. He's chosen not to be with you, so you let that sink in. You let him live with that right now.

The only way he's going to miss you - is if you're not there, and you don't make yourself available to him. In order for him to miss you - you have to be gone.

Anonymous said...

To @MOA from @AnonWoman

Thanks for your message and I FULLY AGREE and will be implementing every single recommendation, because I agree with it instinctively myself. Totally. I would have done some of this earlier had I been following my instincts (which I didn't listen to fully and act on at the time) and read your articles.

Also, another reason not to meet up with an ex over dinner is, because you aren't as happy inside as it's painful so that radiates outwards. Not a good place at all or attractive to the Aries.

When you say four months, as an example - in my case would I count four months from last contact rather than four months from break up?

Anonymous said...

@AnonWoman to @MOA

I will say one last thing right now that is upfront honesty, the last time he spoke to me two weeks ago he said: "I don't have those feelings for you, I don't want to say anything on what I think as I don't want to hurt you."

So, he is either talked/felt himself around to that, OR, because we've been in contact, he hasn't had chance to LIVE with me OUT of his life....and feel the emotions of regret and love later.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@AnonWoman,
"In my case would I count four months from last contact rather than four months from break up?"

In your case, I wouldn't contact him at all. I meant he'd probably take about 4 months to contact you.

I wouldn't go to this one. I'd only wait for him to come to you. And if that doesn't happen, move on because there's a good chance it's over for good then.

Anonymous said...

@MOA
from @ANonWoman

No I meant if the average is four months that guys realise their emotions and that they miss you with the POTENTIAL to come back, did you mean four months from break up or four months from when I last spoke to him after our break up given we stayed in touch for four months post break up, that he MAY come back, if at all? I'm in No Contact now and forever as I'm no way going to contact him sister. Ever. No way.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@ANonWoman,
Four months from last contact (because they can't start missing you until you're actually gone ;-)

Anonymous said...

@MOA
From @AnonWoman

Thanks for clarifying. I love your website.
I will let you know if he contacts me.
Even if he contacts in a few months, I may not reply straight away, leave it, see if he tries again. He could wonder: "Has she got a new man? Maybe, that's why she's not responded."

But I figure, if he was re-contacting me to see how it went romantically again, he would contact me a second time even if I never responded to his first. If he wasn't contacting me romantically, he may not bother with a second contact.

I will let you know anyway.

Thanks,
Me

Anonymous said...

Interesting read including the cooments.

I am an Aries man. I can see some of this in myself when I was a teenager and in my early twenties. In my 30s now and would say I am quite a bit more emotionally grounded, I definitely have the need to lead. That could be difference, older wiser and over confident :) In my (our) defense, I am a hot blooded person and never had any complaints when it is channeled in the right direction with my girfriends lol.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Aries Male,
Well, well . . lookie who's here, LOL ;-)

Very brave of you to show yourself here my friend - comments are always welcome (and I bet many of the women here would love to pick your brain LOL).

I commend you for acknowledging that you can relate to some of this. And for not showing that Mars fueled warrior here by attacking me (I get the proverbial "you're bitter" statement quite a bit - even though half a dozen or so of my friends are Aries, LOL.)

Yes, I would have to agree with you about the early years in life versus the latter years. I call that concept "progressed versus unprogressed."

I feel that all signs start out in a rather unprogressed stage and gradually, as one ages, moves towards a more progressed stage - i.e evolved. So when folks are young, they have a tendency to display their signs "darker" traits. As they age and progress, they begin displaying their signs better qualities.

"I am a hot blooded person and never had any complaints when it is channeled in the right direction with my girfriends lol."

How very Aries of you ;-)

Anonymous said...

I would like to make sure that i'm playing the game right. I am a pisces and met an aries 3 mos ago. for the first month he was very attentive, called and text everyday and we spent alot of time together. He calls me his "baby". Lately, although he still calls and texts every day we don't see each other as often as we used to. He'll say he's working or doing something with family. When he says this I tell him that his work and home is his first priority and to take his time. He'll then call the next morning to tell me what happened and why he didn't call or stop by. Now we spend 1 day a week together instead of 4 days. Out of the three mos that we have been together, we've had sex 2 times. When its time to out to a party or dinner he has no problem going out with me, it seems to me that he wants people to see us together because as he says "we look good together".(trophy gf?)I have began to turn the tables.. NOW when he calls I say hello to him and then I cant talk right now because i'm busy with family or doing something and will call him back. When I first did it, he called and text constantly the next day and told me that things would get better. I said ok but i'm not making myself available to him and I am the one making excuses why we cant get together. The good thing is..he continues to call and text:). I would like to keep this up but don't want him to run away. Any advice on this?

Anonymous said...

Hiya,

Do you know any real life cases with Aries men that were in a committed, loving relationship...and then things started to go wrong and they ended it for the woman to do the No Contact rule for 30 days and the couple still got married in the end?

OR equally,

Do you know any real life cases with Aries men that were in a committed, loving relationship....and the Aries started playing up, as they do, (mind games, bluntness, pulling away) and the woman started mirroring their actions (as your mirroring article indicates) and the Aries man rose to the challenge, and went back to being loving and committed and asking for her hand in marriage?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
You're doing the right thing. Mirror his behavior. If he doesnt' come forward and put forth more effort in time, then so be it.

What you're doing here is protecting yourself and keeping things fair and balanced - but more importantly, you're not allowing him to run you over, call all the shots and control everything.

So keep doing what you're doing. The way I look at this is - the fact that you still communicate with him, is all the green light he needs right now to proceed. He doesn't need you chasing him or hunting him down to show you're interested.

You're there, willing and waiting. He just needs to step up to the plate.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Dec. 21, 9:18AM,
Well, out of all the Aries men I know - only one is actually married. The others are all still looking for love - in all the wrong places, LOL.

But yes, the one that is married - was dumped by his girlfriend. Two years went by . . . and then he sought her out again.

They are now married and have been for about 4-5 years or so.

Anonymous said...

@MOA

Nice story but so the one that is married - HE was dumped by HER. Which means he possibly spent two years pining after her still.

Rather than, him dumping her, and then him getting her back.

Thanks

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
Well, in order for a woman to follow "no contact" - the man has to be contacting her at some point, to which she then does not respond.

If a guy breaks up with a woman, and she's using "no contact" to wait 30 days before contacting him, chances are that won't be successful. Why? Because she's still the one contacting him.

No contact is generally meant for the purpose of not contacting a man back for 30 days.

Because if the woman is still the one pursuing the man - except now she's waiting 30 days in between her contacts - in the end, it's still the woman pursuing the man. Which is never really a good thing.

You can attempt to perform no contact that way, but you have to be prepared for the fact that there's a chance that won't work.

And the couple I was referring to. .they each dumped one another at different points. First it was her, then months went by, they got back together. Then it was him, and months went by and they got back together. Then it was her again . . two years passed and then they got back together and got married.

And there was very little, if any, contact during those break up periods. But he was the one initiating it again each time, prompting them to get back together.

Anonymous said...

Good point.

How many weeks / months in between the first two break ups did they have apart before he got in touch?

And, lol, what is her star sign?

I can see theirs is a lovely story in the end....but rare I imagine...still nice that someone was looking down trying to get them back together afterall.

although a tale for all of us women - never chase a man or initiate contact for the main part (few exceptions) as it really never really works out that way marriage wise. (friend with benefit or girlfriend he never marries then yes)

Anonymous said...

Well, my last sentence, more precisely, when it comes to Aries men anyway! lol

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
It's been a long time since this all took place back in the early to mid 90's . . but there were many months in between. They weren't short periods of time, they were 6 months or more. One time, I think it may have been a year or more.

She's a Sagittarius.

Aries do well with Sag's, Leo's and other Aries some times. Air signs merge well with Aries, too. I know of a lot of Aries/Gemini combos.

Because Air signs are quite flexible and, as a result, can tolerate the Aries ways a bit better than say an Earth sign, such as myself. I don't do well with all the running around, panicking and last minute impulsive decisions that comes with the territory, LOL.

And every so often, Cancer will merge well. Cancer is a water sign and because of the heavy duty emotions that tend to accompany that sign, Cancer tends to be very understanding (i.e. tolerant, makes excuses) of the Aries ways.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
And I should clarify the difference between an Air signs tolerance and a water signs tolerance.

A sign like Gemini is tolerant because - they really don't care, LOL. I mean, they care. But Gemini's have so many things going on all the time, they can be a bit flighty and they generally encite lots of drama around themselves, being the sign of the twins with varied personalities . . that they're too busy to care what an Aries is up to, LOL.

A sign like Cancer, a water sign of loaded emotions, tolerates the treatment because they tend to be overly understanding, put others happiness before their own and sacrifice alot. But they don't like it. Gemini doesn't care, but Cancer cares. So it's somewhat like a bitter pill to them - they'll swallow the treatment, but they don't like it. And they tend to overlook it and make lots of excuses for it.

Anonymous said...

I know TONS of Aries/Gemini combos...it's quite ridiculous actually. Equally from Aries male/female to Gemini male/female. Where as with some signs, like cancer...I see more female Cancers with Aries males.

I also see Aries males with Scorpio females here and there (watch out!)...as well as Aries female with Pisces men.

Anonymous said...

I have acted like a Cancerian in some respects. Compassionate, understanding, tolerant, but there was pain.

I wonder how many Aries have got back with a woman who has been overly emotional and sad with him over a few weeks after he's finished with her. If only we noted the numbers down or did an online questionnaire into such matters :-) as I can't think of anyone I know.

Anonymous said...

Virgogirl27*
Update-- Hey :) I'm back to tell you what's been going on. Well I've been talking to different guys. A Sag, Virgo & another Aries guy. There was a CAP guy but he wanted to have sex that same day we hung out. So I told him off! The new Aries guy is cool & nice but I don't see nothing happening. Even though he said he likes me, I just flirt with him. But he's been telling me that I don't care if someone leaves or stay in my life. I never had a guy tell me that. But I've just been talking to the 3 guys, my Aries guy came back Dec 4th he sent me a text saying I just disappeared, I text him back 2 days later. Ever since than he's been texting me, joking around like we always do. Than he started calling me but I missed them. Than he started texting me saying answer his calls or else ( He always say that or he leaves voicemails ) but I just text him. So last night he called me & I answered, he was packing to come home. Now were catching up, & he started telling me he misses me & how I make his day & how he never gets tired of me ( I just said awwe ) Than he asked me what I wanted for xmas so he can get it. So as were talking, I checked my calendar & I noticed last night 1 year ago he said the same thing but he was holding me. I was having a bad headache & I was upset because he was suppose to been came over but he kept making stops & calling me at every stop -__- .... *Back to the phone call* He's now telling me that he wants to see me I said that's fine THAN He said yeah because I have to go see a girl before I go back to school. I wasn't jealous, I was calm because I am talking to different guys. BUT I was mad like u can make a move on some new chick but you can't tell me how you feel? What the HELL? I almost told him to delete my number but I was calm I just said ok cool & than he said I act like I don't care if someone leaves or stay in my life!?? I was like really now? Than he said Im not emotional?! I just laughed. But my feelings was hurt a little, I never heard him say that. But I didn't sweat it. Even though he said he know Im talking to other guys, but Im not calling them my dude?! I know we're friends but still.... I care now :( Maybe we aren't meant to be. Its pointless for him to want to see me, maybe if we were having sex but we don't. I don't even have sex. We both go though alot of guys/girls but now that I can finally say I want to be with him & that I care he's with some chick? That's crazy, The new girl isn't the problem, the problem is how did that happen? Smh. Ugh I give up on that loser. Well there's my update. I already know if I tell him I don't want to see him, he's going to show up unannounced, like always.. But ill be back next year ^_^ Love your blog
Virgogirl27

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@VirgoGirl27,
Lots of red flags here, sweetie:

"He's been telling me that I don't care if someone leaves or stay in my life."

Translation: "You don't chase me."

"Than he said I'm not emotional?!"

Translation: "You don't call me and cry."

This guys looking for a weak woman that he can push around and manipulate and push her emotional buttons to make himself feel reassured and manly.

He's insecure.

And insecure men DO NOT make good boyfriends, husbands and lovers. Their behavior is always off, they suffer from depression at times and they constantly play games to reassure themselves. They don't know how to make anyone else happy, because they're unhappy themselves.

In order for him to feel like a man - he needs to make you cry and chase him. So that he can feel good about himself, he needs for you to feel bad about yourself. He needs to be able to upset you, push your buttons and cause you worry and anxiety.

Good qualities in a boyfriend, husband or lover?

Absolutely not.

Let him go tinker around with some other chics head and heart. You don't need to be inviting any of that into your life.

Stay focused on the other men in your life and your future. This guys out to cause you nothing but grief. And I bet your not the only woman he's toying with like this either.

He'll suck the life out of you. You don't want someone like that in your life, trust me.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@VirgoGirl27,
I should clarify . . basically, this man has realized that you're a strong woman:

"He's been telling me that I don't care if someone leaves or stay in my life."

Translation: "You don't chase me."

"Than he said I'm not emotional?!"

Translation: "You don't call me and cry."

And it's not sitting well with him. So he's zeroing in on a weaker woman.

In the movie, The Breakup, there's a scene where Vince Vaughn enters a nightclub with his buddies. And the player in the group turns to the others and says:

"Okay guys. Let's go separate the weak one's from the herd."

Steer clear of men with that agenda. There only out to cause you pain.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your advice! I agree with you but he's the only guy that takes me out or spend time with me. Every guy I've met only want sex. And since I don't give in, we stop talking. Some flat out and tell me they just want sex and nothing more. I've haven't had sex in over a year and Im 21. Yes, I go though alot of guys but its not like that with the Aries guy. For some strange reason I attract guys who only want sex which is crazy because I've only had 2 sexual partners. Yes Im talking to 3 new guys but their dropping hints that they want sex. And its way too soon, so yes Im happy that the Aries guy came back. I do agree that Im strong and I can hide my emotions but I don't want to spend my days alone 24/7 ? Its hard to explain. Im not scared to be alone ( I was for a year ) & Im a very pretty young lady but its like I want have a boyfriend ( Finally lol )...But I do love my Aries guy :)
Also when he said that Im not emotional and that I act like i don't care if someone leaves or stay in my life, he wasn't rude. I was just shocked lol. Now I don't know what to do :( Stay alone for another year? Cut the Aries guy off again? This sucks, I just wish we could work. But thank you again, your great....
Virgogirl27

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@VirgoGirl27,
I get that you don't want to be alone 24/7, but you also don't want to settle for someone either. Especially someone who's going to make you feel bad 24/7.

It doesn't matter if his tone was rude with you or not when he made that statement - you have to read between the lines with men, you can't take everything at face value. He's been testing you.

Modern research indicates that today's woman has to kiss, on average, 75 frogs before she finds her Prince.

That means that 74 frogs will leap away from you.

Which is fine. Because they're not your Prince Charming.

When a man genuinely likes a woman and is seriously interested in a relationship with her, he will:

- Ask her out on dates regularly.
- Spend weekends with her.
- Attempt to dominate her time.
- Communicate with her regularly
- He will initiate the communications
- He will want to talk about your private life, your interest, etc. to get to know you better
- He will focus more and more of his time on you
- He won't ignore you
- He'll make attempts to impress you

Every woman deserves to be treated well by a man and should never settle for anything less.

You can't make a man want to be your boyfriend. You have to wait for a man to come into your life that WANTS to be your boyfriend :-)

Anonymous said...

Ok me and my aries been dateing for four months now it was love at first site we spend damn near everyday together I was with him for Thanksgiving and met all his family everything was going great into later that day I kinda felt a little unsure how we was moveing so fast so I I told him I dident see a future with him and wasent ready for a relationship he started crying and left later on that night he called me saying he over reacted and he's willing to take things slow and if he could come back and see me I said yes but ended up going to the club and we never hooked up the next day I texed him apologizeing for standing him up then asked him if we was going to walmart cause I needed a new phone and he replied wait till next week and I got upset and never responded back to the tex he replied so I see tipe of female you are and I never replied back I let to days past by and thought about my actions and called him and his number was disconnected so I went by his house and I new he was home but he dident answer so I started facebooking him this went on to days and still no response so I gave up then he replied with his new number and I tex him hey he replied hey and nothing after that I was expecting more of a response being that I pored my heart out with the Facebook messages I left him so I waited a day and went by his house and he opended the door he was so happy to see me we made love right away and was back in love again but then my vagina started itching and burning just to find out I had a yeast infection so I blamed him and said some harsh things and now wear on the out again I dont want to chase him but I'm worried this is it. Leo lady

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Leo Lady,
Oh lordy, LOL. Well first of all, the infection was not his fault. That has nothing to do with an STD. Those infections happen to women regularly and are caused by overgrowth of normally present bacteria. The over growth can be caused by many different factors such as antibiotics, weak immune system, tight clothes made from non-breathable fabrics, low estrogen, too much sugar and condoms just to name a few.

And what has happened her is similar to an old story about a dog. If you call a dog to you and it comes, then you kick it. The next time you call the dog to you, it won't come. Because the learned response is telling the dog "I'm going to get hurt if I go" - so the dog won't come to you anymore because it doesn't trust you, the trust is broken.

I don't want to sound harsh or anything honey, but you're here asking so I have to call it like I see it. But you haven't treated him very well. When men treat women like this, they're bad guys, women rail on them, etc. Well, it works both ways honey. You're not going to make someone like you or fall in love with you when you treat them with disregard, push them away and say mean things, ya' know?

My gut is telling me this goes deeper than just you and him though. I'm getting the feeling that there's some sort of trust/commitment issue here with you. Because your behavior is passive/aggressive towards him. One minute you're fine (passive) and the next minute, you're not (aggressive). And that is indicative of a deeper issue here.

You might want to take some time to consider what is causing this behavior and then address that issue. If you don't, you may have trouble having a relationship. Not with just him, but with anyone.

Sit tight and don't chase him. He's hurt so give him some time and let him heal a bit. Once he's had time to do so, he may come around again. And try not to act on your emotions if at all possible. When you get worked up or angry or scared or worried - don't take any action while you're in that state. Because when we act on our emotions, it's always regrettable behavior that we're sorry for later one. So when you're feeling like that, don't act on those emotions. Let them pass before you do or say anything.

He's taken a few blows to his ego here and that's not something that Aries men recover well from. So there's a 50/50 chance here he'll return. You're just going to have to wait him out and see :-(

Anonymous said...

Scorp here...

A mutual guy friend of Aries and mine (actually his bff) messaged me on FB asking to bring his jacket because Aries won't shut up about it LOL. God, this is some immature ass shit. I haven't responded yet or done anything with the jacket yet. I got this message last night. Suggestions?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Scorp,
Wow, this guy's a hoot. And he's so insecure that he has to turn this damn jacket into a game. The point of his game? Well, based on his behavior here, I'm quite certain that the point of his game is - to make YOU come to HIM. To make YOU do ALL of the work. (This guy really wants his ego stroked, I'll tell ya, LOL.)

But you don't go to him or he'll play even more games. So what you do here is, you stand strong and remain calm. You lay this crap game of his right in his lap.

Remember you said this:

"I've text him twice before our whole argument asking him to get it, but that was also a game within itself. Who doesn't respond to you when they're asking you if you want your stuff back?!"

So you respond to the friend like this:

"Hi ____. I've text him twice for him to come and get his jacket. He never responded. But it's here, I have it. Anytime he'd like to get it, all he has to do is let me know."

And that's it. You don't say anything else. You've done two things here:

1) You've signaled to his friends that it's HIM that's acting childish here

2) You let his friends know that twice you've already contacted him

3) You're reminding Aries guy that this is HIS doing, all of this damn game playing

4) You're taking his crap game - and flipping it on him, holding HIM accountable for HIS behavior here

If you send that response, there is absolutely no excuse for him to continue running his mouth about it with his friends. They'll simply say to him, "If you want your damn jacket, just go get the freaking thing and shut up about it."

So it turn, his friends will then also begin holding him accountable for his childish behavior as well.

And if the friend writes back and says, "Please just bring it to him." You write back again and calmly say, "I'm really busy, but if he'd like to come and get it, all he has to do is make arrangements with me."

I know this may seem petty, however, the message here is bigger than the stupid jacket. The message here is that you are onto him, you're going to hold him accountable for his childish behavior and he's going to have to man up here and he can't push you around.

And if he attempts to continue to do that, you're going to continue to hold him accountable is all.

I discuss the concept here. I'm not sure if you've read this or not yet, but if not, this will help you to understand what I'm talking about and why this is so very important:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/how-to-say-no-dating-life-consequence.html

Anonymous said...

Ok...I've sent the message and hopefully this will paint a nice picture for him. However, I still feel he'll find more ways to game play *sigh* LOL.

I have read that article back when you recommended it to me in a previous post and it's all very true. However, I was tempted to just take the damn jacket so I wouldn't ever have to hear from him again, nor give him an excuse to reach out to me. Also, to end all these games.

But I'll just make him man up and have to swallow his pride if he wants his damn jacket. It is getting mighty cold over here too LOL! Thanks! I'm sure there will be an update to follow in the near future!

Scorp

Anonymous said...

Aries and i have been going out for 3 mos. on Sat we went out dancing and he pulls out 500 and gives it to me and says merry christmas. I was very shocked because it was in the middle of the dancefloor. I gave it back to him and told him that i really preferred a gift, something from the heart. He said ok he understood. Said he thought women preferred money over material items because they can purchase what they wanted. I told him I prefer a gift from the heart. He said ok he understood and i received a dress as a gift for christmas which is lovely. Did I make the correct decision?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
Yes, you did. You were modest and you proved to him that you're not after a sugar daddy. And I think a dress for the first Christmas together is a fantastic gift.

He did good - and so did you ;-)

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much, I was feeling that giving me money was the easy way out and I wanted to know that he cared enough to at least "shop around" for me:)and not make me an afterthought..like oh..here's some money for christmas:(.

Anonymous said...

Scorp here...

I just wanted to get your opinion on something. Me and a few of my girlfriends were talking about this infamous jacket. They all agree that Aries is insecure and acting very immature about the whole thing. They also think it was wise that I didn't go and take the jacket when his bff asked.

However, we all came to the conclusion that this jacket kind of keeps the connection between me and him going. As long as I have this stupid jacket, it gives him a reason to come back. Quite frankly, at this point, with all I've witnessed, I don't want him to come back. I feel as long as I have it...he'll continue to use it in some way to get my attention or play games.

One friend suggested I drive 80 miles down a country road and toss it out the window (she's an Aries LOL), but I'm just not that cruel, unfortunately LOL. However, I did do something bad :( I drenched the jacket in perfume...it's bad, really bad. But I did warn Aries prior when trying to reach him that it would come back smelly girly if he didn't come get it. Unfortunately again, although I'm not cruel, I'm still a little crazy in the head.

Anyway, I know there is a bigger lesson for him to learn here and I get that. Which is why I thought maybe if I wait a couple weeks then drop it off at his job when he's not working, would suffice. That way I don't have to see him, and waiting the couple weeks to basically show him that despite his friend asking for the jacket, I'm not gonna come running to bring it, and also just finally getting rid of the damn thing so now he'll know he has no reason to contact me. Also waiting the two weeks because I know him and a bunch of mutual friends are going to Tahoe this next weekend, and I be damn if he has it before then so he can so conveniently use it! I will wait till AFTER the trip...when the jacket's use is less needed.

So these are my thoughts. I would have loved for him to man up and ask for the jacket himself. However, I don't think he will, nor is he that evolved as a person to do so. He will continue to be immature about it and play games. I'm quite sure he's too prideful to ask for the jacket, no matter how much he needs it. I just want to be done with it all, wash my hands of him, and just move on. I HATE that I even have to be the one to be mature about it and even give it back. But, I do just want him outta my life....him and that jacket!

Thoughts?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Scorp,
Well, he certainly has given you an eyeful here hasn't he?

This speaks volumes about his character, his integrity as a man and his insecurities and pride. Not to mention, there's a ton of spitefulness and ego here with him.

These are the kinda guys that, when you're in a relationship with them and a breakup occurs, this is the kinda jag that would be so spiteful about it that he'd screw a girlfriend of yours if he could. I know a guy like that. He's so spiteful, he goes out of his way to cause pain to women by seeking out other women they know and becoming involved with them. I watched him friend 15 women on FB in one day - all women that his ex knew.

These guys with a ton of ego and pride issues are dangerous to women, frankly. The damage they can cause is unbelievable.

Anywho, I'm sure you've already gathered that by now, based on his actions and maturity level here.

And I'm assuming that his friend never responded when you told him that you already offered twice previously to return this damn jacket and he ignored you?

If that's the case and you really have no desire to ever speak to this man again - then wait two or three weeks from now, and drop it off at work. Don't give it to his friends, don't give it to him and don't rush to give it back. If he really wants it before this trip, he can man up an come get it. It's not your job to run around and make jacket deliveries for this douchbag, LOL. So don't go out of your way to do so.

Wait SEVERAL weeks - then drop it at work and be done with it and him.

And don't be surprised if you hear from him after the jacket drop - I'm sure he'll find fault with YOU and the way YOU handled this somehow, LOL. I wouldn't be surprised one bit to see him get up on his high horse here, seeing that you finally gave in to him and brought the jacket back, and he'll then find fault with that somehow. Either it took too long, or he'll want to "school" you on how YOU handled this LOL, or he'll want to whine about something or point the finer or something extremely childish.

Or maybe you'll get lucky, he'll just disappear - and the infamous jacket story can be passed down onto your daughter or niece or something someday as a story with a moral about men, LOL ;-)

And the moral of the story is . . . "You see honey, men are childish - and they never grow up . . ."

Hehe ;-)

Anonymous said...

Yes, he certainly has given me an eye full LOL.

No, his friend never wrote me back again asking for me to just bring the jacket. I get the feeling it was never about the jacket, and was just a game, a ploy...for what? Who knows! Because if he REALLY needed that jacket, he would have hit me up by now, or had another one of his friends asking me to bring it. Even my male cousin is good friends with him, he could have even gone that route if he REALLY needed the jacket.

It's quite upsetting because we share the same friends, and he also works at the same watering hole, stomping grounds we all frequent. He's a bartender, which ladies I don't recommend EVER dating a bartender! They are the male equivalent of a female stripper. I know many bartenders, and they're all the same...whores.

I've found myself avoiding this place, and mutual friends events because I know he'll be there. I've been tryna be MIA from him. However, I can't keep this up and WILL NOT keep avoiding my fav spot or my friends because of him. I'm going to have to bit the bullet and start showing face again. But I know it'll be awkward, since me and him can't even have a friendship at this point. I've tried very hard to be friends with him, but all we do is fight, argue, bicker, and annoy one another in each other's presence...hell, even away from each other's presence!

Thanks again for all your help! You are a god send! :)

Anonymous said...

So I am a cancer girl and this aries guy really likes me and I love being with him he makes me feel really secure and happy and excited.. he tells me that I'm the one for him and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.. he doesn't pressure me to do anything with him.. he respects me and makes me feel beautiful and really important to him and secure.. he treats me like a gentleman does so polite and courteous.. in the two years that I've known him he has not hurt me at all... I know our signs aren't compatible for many reasons... I know he likes to be very independent while I could be clingy sometimes and I have really tried to give him space and I have suceeded in doing so.. :) I really trust him I know he wouldn't hurt me intentionally.. so I want to know how w can I help our relationship in the future... when we start having problems.. what can I Do to avoid those clashes in personality.. I know I have to baby him and treat him like the center of my universe. And let him be independent and trust him and have faith in him support him in all he does.. and kep up with his energetic activities and let him be the leader in our relationship and I his faithful loyal submissive sidekick
But what else can I Do??




our relationship and just go along beside him...

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Cancer Girl,
Don't focus on what might go wrong or problems in the future or you may manifest them into being. Focus your intention on positive things in the future and keep doing what you're doing and all should be well.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it :-)

Anonymous said...

figured out where to login here,good.aries guy here,close to 50 now.yes,alot is true about the sign must admit.maybe few thoughts can help some.when was younger,if i really liked a gal,or felt she was the 1 a wild bull wouldnt stop me from trying atleast.lost alot of times,used alot of times and yes,besides some who knowingly play games we are 'strong backs,weak minds'lol.guys,least use too beleave if you want anything down the road,u must secure the means first.ie;education,career,job skills and alot of us did become 'perfectionest'atleast in those areas because being a 'rock'sign we were just smart enough to figure someday maybe we meet somebody who could make good use for both these assets..wrong.world changed,people too.no use going into that further (yep,thats me too) but deep inside me still,still lookin maybe i havent changed some stuff.just keep us comunicating,not arguing and u have the vantage.we feel pain,not expressed openly to many.if we love,we accept death,our own,in protection of the ones we love,freely if we truly love them.and,as you get older,love in us doesnt popup easy,or quickly.enough my 2cents. bash away.

Anonymous said...

Hey MOA,

@AnonWoman here from 18 December.

This is a rather long post because I wanted to give you the detail you need to be able to answer if you've a moment.

Well, it's been four weeks today since last contact. This is the longest we have gone with no contact since we broke up four months ago. He kinda suggested No Contact to me when he heard I was in pain on the phone. A week late I pretended I was OK and didn't need it anymore and we had a chat or two and the last contact was a text sms about a creative project I was working on saying I didn't need his help on it anymore so that was good. It's since then. It's really kicking in now. The feeling of loss. I miss him so much. I really do. Given I'm in my mid 30s, i think, Oh no, I've got lots of experience with men, a fair amount of men ask me out on dates....but I've never met anyone like my ex before. If I was 19, I might think more positively that the whole world is ahead of me, but as I've already dated over one hundred men, I kinda know what's out there. (ugh)

I just feel in despair! Awful I know that I've allowed a man to do this to me (do it to myself).

I don't know any of his friends as he was always the gentleman coming over to my house/my neighborhood or at the odd time we met central city and he lives 50 miles away....so I don't have anyone to ask (except his work mates and I'm not doing that!) if he has moved onto anyone else, nor are we facebook friends so again I don't know whether he has met someone else. Part of me feels, even though it would upset me, it may be better to learn this so I can really move on. Then again then all hope would be gone. Unless he dated her and realised he liked me more. Anyway I'm just making stuff up here as I've no idea what he is doing or who he is with.

It's so hard dealing with loss as both my mum and brother died the past six years, and my grandparents...so this feels like a heavy loss of someone I adored so much and almost saw as near perfect - as in everything about him, personality, looks, spiritual views, adventure, the whole bang lot. He has never had any close deaths in his family, he had just had a broken heart from a girl once that took him two years to get over - I wish his heart was broken over me then we'd have a chance.

The thing is, I keep going over our conversations in my mind and have regrets. I can't seem to stop thinking about the conversation about the baby that he cut me off and didn't want to talk about it and just ended the relationship.

Surely this just shows, if he couldn't have the open discussion (I was not pushing for one, actually I was going to say I'm not fussed either way, whatever happens...and kinda did but he ended the relationship the sentence before so I couldn't really talk properly about it)...Ulitmately, if a 28 year old man thinks being in a relationship is scary because he is not ready for a baby or marriage yet....then it just means, he didn't love me deeply after all right?

I decided to give it a go as he was so into, the dates he organised were so thoughtful and well planned, I did nothing but just turn up and be lovely and he loved every minute of my company. He chased me too. I decided to forget the age gap as he was so mature (it seemed), talking of marriage, also looks mature and sounds it as he has a deep voice and is intellectual. I'm younger than my years so I thought, after a couple of weeks, that we were a great match and gave it a go.

Cont...

Anonymous said...

We had agreed after a few weeks into dating we'd only date if it was attempting to lead to marriage. His actions showed how much he loved me and he told me frequently too.

This is either me, him or us or natural readjustment but then something changed and he became less into me at exactly the same time he lost his way about what the meaning of life was after figuring out it wasn't about God after all and he started to open up and say: "I won't be ready for fatherhood for another four years and I don't know what I will want then". I must say I was a little aggressive in my response to that (as in I'd almost had enough) but actually he did respond positively to my self respect and womaness. (He's Aries). He is eight years younger than me, initially I had a big problem with our age gap and he said: don't you be ruining this relationship just because of our age because this has never happened to me before.

I was delighted and feel more secure. He did too.

My response was: I can't keep going that long with you and then you leave me then as I hate building things up with foreign friends and becoming close as it is because then then leave me and go back to their home country. (clause: I love foreign people dearly do, that's why I make mates with them cos I wouldn't if I didn't like them!)

He agreed with me after thinking about it for a week.

Cont....

Anonymous said...

But I know that the issue of kids ran deep with him as this is what ended us. It's like he has let me go to find a man who can give me a kid now, rather than risk being with him for four years and then he won't know if I'm the one or not.

Part of me wished I'd said: Let's see about the kids, see how it goes, I'm open to options and if I have them I do, if not, then so be it. There are options of having kids for more older women now. But, I wouldn't go out with you for the next four years unless we got married!

That would give him some stability in this thinking.

I wonder if he daren't bring up the kids thing that loomed over us (after our initial chat) because he thought I may end it and he had a fear of losing me.
I wonder this because he did say being in a relationship was a massive deal because one should only be in one if you are giving it a go to be together forever.

I wonder if he was afraid to really talk about family as that "talk" could lead to it actually developing. Words are powerful, and as soon as the discussion is even opened up, it can turn into the event occurring (or other evens like the relationship could go south at that point). Since it's his second proper serious relationship he had opened his self up to me, risking, vulnerable... and doesn't want to cause anything to go wrong. So, he finally reaches a crisis in the relationship where his ego (or self concept) is scared that HE will be left and he can't handle that so he ends the relationship to avoid that. Preserves his power, although it is based in fear, so he is now running, and this could be setting him up for a pattern in relationships until he understands what is motivating him to run away from talking about it.

So, yes the thought is scary for him as his "personhood" may not be strong enough to handle someone else walking away.

He couldn't even discuss it openly with me, but choose to dump me instead, before I did to him (not that I would have). He was enjoying our time together too much, but with no consequence of commitment. Perhaps he needed more time as we were only together six months but ten months in total we've been in each others lives as we did four months of contact at the end.

Cont...

Anonymous said...

I dunno.

At the end of the day, topline on all this is that if he really loved me he wouldn't have ended it though would he?

Like you say, perhaps four months of NC and he will be back once he lives with the consequences that he doesn't want me in his life as a girlfriend. As when you've known someone ten/eleven months, to then not have that attachment is surely a hole for the dumper as well.

Some women get dumped and move on and wouldn't even entertain the idea of getting back with an ex who trod all over their heart. I am not one of those (sadly?) in this case because I do love him. Ugh. I guess I know there are some cases where it still works out a second time around that's why.

Ugh I so wished I'd just cut off when we ended, not made it easy for him by still being there for him, communicating and being friendly - as that has weened him off me slowly and without guilt for the terrible thing he did by dumping me and hurting me. It was like I rewarded him for dumping me by allowing him to still contact me and be friendly and by me contacting him trying to figure and work at it. For FOUR months.

Hurts real bad I must say.

He is a strange lad as he does love my company and I know would not have ended it then had I not brought up kids.

Any advice you can give would be so helpful. I just hope this hasn't scared me for life. It probably has as I deeply love him. I feel a loss for life and that I would go at snail pace if I ever met another guy.

One thing you don't need to worry about is that I will NEVER contact him again..... no point. Could only be counter productive as well. E.g. me rewarding him with love despite the way he treated me by dumping me. Although he always made himself available to me 100% when I needed to talk it through with him on the phone/text and answered every phone call but not quite every text message unless I put a question in it....still, it's still awful of course. Hmmm. During these past four months he's contacted me too but not as much as I him. As I say, now it's tumbleweed! Probably as it got serious in how we couldn't be in contact anymore without his love for me as I wanted more.

If there was one thing I could wish for and that would be to go back in time one year.

Sorry for the long post.

I hope you can help.

Anonymous said...

The reason I would go back one year is I'd change my words, (not just the baby talk but three other f' ups I made after month three), and I would walk away with dignity if I was getting dumped. Not three months after being dumped then go into the painful process of why with the man. Because that time apart is so important for the Aries man to reflect if they chose to dump you. And you should let a man go if he wants to go as that's what would make him happier....and then will love you more for it, and maybe fly back when they're ready to commit.

I can't imagine any men or many men, who go back to a girl after she has shown she's in pain and not begged, but reasonsed and persuaded by saying things with an ulterior motivation (that being, to get back together with her) - as I did.

Anonymous said...

I know some men can try to sweetalk, not beg but you know, go to those depths, to get back in with an ex girlfriend , but I don't think it works the other way around with an ex girlfriend doing it to an Aries male. I would love to know if anyone on here it has though!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Aries Male, Dec. 30, 2:45PM,
Another Aries male reporting in - glad to see it and your comments and thoughts are always welcome here.

Honestly, I don't think there's anything to bash here, LOL. You were very honest here, admitting some shortcoming and claiming some strengths - and we all have both. We're all only human. If we were Gods, we'd all be perfect.

And yes, I agree, Aries is one sign where, if the guy likes the girl - he'll stop at nothing in his attempts to win her over. Which is the reason why I advise women commenting here NOT to chase an Aries male. If he wants you, he'll seek you out.

Aries are, indeed, very driven and determined to attain success, particularly in their careers. And one thing I'd like to add to your thoughts on that is I believe they do this, not only to make good use of it someday, but also to be a good provider someday - for family and loved ones. That's VERY important to an Aries and very rarely do you meet an unsuccessful one. And if you have, that's an Aries that simply hasn't found his "groove" yet is all.

The only thing is, when you say "just keep us communicating, not arguing" - well, that's a bit difficult for many women. Because the thing is, many times, it's difficult to keep an Aries communicating (interested) without arguing becoming part and parcel of the process, LOL. It seems many times, even when women want to do this, the Aries male will find ways to start little conflicts. And I think it's simply their way of keeping things fresh and exciting. However, it can become very exhausting and appear much like a game to women over the long run, LOL.

And I would also agree with you that an Aries, when is love, is a truly committed man. I would also agree, however, that getting a mature Aries male to actually fall in love with you - is a daunting task later in life, LOL.

And I think the reason for that is because an Aries male works so very hard in life to attain his ultimate success that, as a result, he feels entitled to the very best woman he can find. So he may have a tendency to pass over lots of good women - seeking that ever elusive golden butterfly gal that he considers to be "the one."

It's a search that can last a lifetime for him - sometimes being fulfilled and sometimes - never finding that "golden girl" he seeks - resulting in him spending his days alone, sulking and licking his wounds from his failed search for perfection.

So maybe the answer here, for many Aries men reading this and reading all of the comments here from women beating their heads against the wall, attempting to attain an Aries male . . maybe the answer here for Aries males is - give a good gal a chance - and you just might be surprised at the "perfection" you find in her elsewhere ;-)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@AnonWoman here from 18 December,

A couple of quick observations, from a non-biased, 3rd party point of view here:

1) You say you're not focused on marriage or children, however, reading through your entire comment - it's ALL that you're focused on.

2) You're not using your period of "no contact" to be good to yourself, but rather, you're using it to reflect and beat yourself up

3) You have a false impression that people don't walk away from the things they love - and they do indeed walk away

4) Even though you don't see it or intentionally attempt to do it - you're pressuring and laying down ultimatums

5) You're putting the horse before the cart here. You're saying you won't date someone for an extended period of time, unless it will lead to marriage. However, the reality is that you HAVE to date someone for an extended period of time - to even decide IF you want to marry them.

Basically, the vibe I'm getting here is that your entire focus is on the future - the end result - marriage and children. I can hear your biological clock ticking, LOL - and if I can, so can the men in your life. You're completely future focused as opposed to living and focusing on the moment - the today, the here and now.

Serious talk of marriage and children shouldn't really take place in a relationship until after one to two years of solid, committed dating. Sure, you can have generic conversations about it prior to that - but you CANNOT lay down ultimatums prior to dating that length of time. Ultimatums like, "I can't date you for four years if you won't marry me." Saying that after only 6 months of dating to a man . . how can he know if he WANTS to marry you four years from now when he's only dated you for 6 months? At 6 months you're warning him you won't date him for four years unless he'll marry you.

Why not date for two years and then draw that line? Six months is WAY to early for ANYONE to be deciding if someone is marriage material or not, let alone someone you'd like to parent children with on top of it all.

And yes, people can and do walk away from people they love every single day. Why do they do that? For many different reasons. And in his case, it's because you're so focused on the future, you're putting so much pressure on him about the future (children and marriage) that you're not permitting yourself or him to have fun together as a couple in the here and now - to see if there even IS A FUTURE someday. I mean, if you can't just simply enjoy each others company in the here and now and have fun, without laying all the pressure of the future onto it, the how are you going to enjoy each other enough to even WANT to be together in the future? It's too much pressure and too much focus on the future - when you should be focused on having him enjoy his time together with you in the here and now - so that he WANTS to be together in the future with you.

The horse comes first (enjoying each other's company and having fun in the here and now) and then you tie the cart to the horse (marriage and children years later down the road, IF the horse is still living ;-)

But it's like you're pulling out a gun and shooting the horse - because you're so worried about hitching up the cart to it.

Cont . .

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

In order for this period of "no contact" to be beneficial to you, you have to engage it. Meaning, you need to focus on yourself. I mean, how is something supposed to work for YOU, when YOU won't focus on YOURSELF here, ya' know? You're focus is still on him and still on the future. As a result, both YOU and the "here and now" are suffering.

If you read this article here:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/06/disappearing-reappearing-man-what-to-do.html

Particularly the recent comments from women about their use of no contact, you'll see that many are seeing men reappear - and some are not, but they're using no contact to work on themselves, to be good to themselves and, as a result, they're experiencing one of the best periods of their life.

They're losing weight, working on new looks for themselves, spending time with friends, casually dating other men - and they're enjoying every minute of it. And because of this, they're thinking less and less about the man - and more and more about themselves.

And THAT'S what's making them feel good. It's not a man that's making them feel good - it's THEMSELVES that are making THEMSELVES feel good.

My advice to you is - speak no more of marriage and children and do not focus on it yourself. Begin doing things that make you happy. Shop for a new wardrobe, get a new hairstyle or hair color, start going out more with friends, start attempting to communicate and date other men, start writing or journaling - do things that make you happy and don't wait around for a man to do those things for you.

Your happiness is not dependent on a man. Yes, a man can ADD to your happiness in life - but he should not BE your happiness. A man should not be the "end all, be all" to your happiness, he should only add to it.

If you don't learn ways to make yourself happy and to quell the thoughts and intentions of marriage and children so much . . . you're going to be miserable because you don't have them.

Release that. Let it go. Worry about it 4 years from now.

But today - enjoy the here and now. Enjoy being a girl. Enjoy being single - and you will find that you will then ATTRACT the happiness you seek TO YOU.

Rather than you spending all of your time, energy and focus attempting to hunt it down.

Make yourself happy, radiate that positive energy and happiness like a warm ray of sunshine - and it will ATTRACT that right back to you.

If you keep focusing on and projecting unfulfilled wishes, desires, wants and intentions into the universe - that's what you're going to attract back to you - unfulfilled wishes, desire, intentions and wants.

Focus on yourself and positive things, thoughts and desires - leave the worries and anxieties about the future behind you - and you will ATTRACT positive things, thoughts and desires to your doorstep :-)

Anonymous said...

From @anonWoman to MOA

Thanks for your responses :-)

A few things stood out to me:

A) If you keep focusing on and projecting unfulfilled wishes, desires, wants and intentions into the universe - that's what you're going to attract back to you - unfulfilled wishes, desire, intentions and wants. Focus on yourself and positive things, thoughts and desires - leave the worries and anxieties about the future behind you - and you will ATTRACT positive things, thoughts and desires to your doorstep :-)

OK - I will really try to change my thinking. It's all in the thinking. Your thinking creates your reality.

B) Ultimatums like, "I can't date you for four years if you won't marry me." Saying that after only 6 months of dating to a man . . how can he know if he WANTS to marry you four years from now when he's only dated you for 6 months?

I never actually said that, I just thought it. The thing is, why would he even say he would be ready for marriage in four years? - seems weird logic to me. It's not like he's 19.

What I did respond strongly face to face was - which I think you'll think is fine?:
"How are you going to know how you are going to feel in four years time? No one on this earth does, I certainly don't. Can we just see how it goes. We need to stop this talk and just do stuff, and I mean more like activities together rather than just meals out which is what we're doing at the moment. Because doing adventurous stuff bonds people and is alot of fun! Also, I can't say I can stay with you if you're going to leave in four years! Why would I invest the time, because i've already spent years getting closer to my foreign mates and then they leave back to NYC or Paris or Amsterdam and it's not nice."

He pondered thoughtfully and said: "yeaaah, you're right I know what you mean" (when I mentioned the foreign friends bit as he's done it alot too, and you miss them) and then the next weekend he organised a fun day out on the Saturday. It was the week later after that Saturday, that we had the break up conversation.

Hmmm. To be honest, I never even mentioned marriage to him at all, I just used to look at him and smile sweetly or knowingly that I understood what he meant when he kept bringing it up in a roundabout way (e.g. 'building something to last forever' rather than the M word....'let's try for forever and if we f*** it up we do, but let's try forever', 'when I'm 75, you'll be 83', 'I've been brought up that you should only date if you're thinking she could at least be the One' and so on).

I guess the change in him freaked me out with fear, anxiety and depression (I only realise now how bad all that was as I've read loads of non-fictional books since)....that's he'd seen me as potential marriage material but changed his mind as I seemed to be more of a casual girlfriend to him after the change. He no longer spoke of a forever love. We were still faithful both ways but the attention wasn't the same or as frequent. So I feared that he was going to dump me in four years for another person he thought of as a potential wife?

Cont...

Anonymous said...

.....cont

from @anonwoman to MOA

Sometimes when you have these deep conversations, it takes days/weeks to sink in, and miscommunication may have happened, and then later you think about it and you're like: huh, or did he mean that? And he's like, or did she mean that? and so the actual conversation isn't fully understood by each party at the time at all.

You know, I if I'd understood properly I would have said: What are you saying you're going to dump me in four years?! (which no way would I have continued! f*** that!)

Part of me wonders if that's what he was saying - which was the big worry. Or was he opening up saying: I may or may not marry you, I'm not sure yet. (which would have been cool and understandable) - I don't know is the answer.

I think Aries too has put the horse before the cart, as you say, and we've both done it haven't we.

With my ex fiancé I only mentioned marriage once and that night he proposed.

I guess, with this Aries one, it was such a big deal to him because of his religious upbringing that you shouldn't be bf and gf unless you're aiming for forever, it also rubbed off on me. I don't date unless I see a potential to marry but I never (well, twice with a couple of ex's - the ex-fiance and then my ex ex, who actually suggested I would be his future wife anyway) mention marriage. I just think it normally. I guess it's also traditional, which my ex Aries man is. I realise you need to date to find out though. But like you say, an Aries man goes heaven and earth for the perfect woman he wants.

I've changed my hair (massive change in colour!) but yes I could do with working out and I realise the feel good endorphins too. I work out like once a month. No wonder I feel crap as I used to be very sporty :-) I'm also about 10 ilbs overweight so the exercise would help there too.

Thank you very much :-)

Anonymous said...

From @AnonWoman to MOA

Ps. B) Ultimatums like, "I can't date you for four years if you won't marry me." Saying that after only 6 months of dating to a man . . how can he know if he WANTS to marry you four years from now when he's only dated you for 6 months?

Even though I never said it.....I thought it, and yes regretted not saying something like that....but now you're saying that would have been a bad thing anyway....

So I will ponder on your advice in that matter further - thanks :-)

But since the breakup yes I have said to him in a letter I want to be married to a man I can love and support, in general, I must admit that honestly. (yikes)

Anonymous said...

Apologies to send another message but P.P.S. All his talk of marriage....obviously led me even more being into that mindset, and I end up maybe just giving off commitment vibes from my own thoughts and dreams on it at a point when he changes his actions! (negatively)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@AnonWoman here from 18 December,
Well, if it's him bringing up all the focus on marriage and children, then if I were you, I'd quickly change the subject. Not in an obvious way, but I would just avoid the conversation as it's too soon.

When you said, "The thing is, why would he even say he would be ready for marriage in four years?"

I don't think he was saying he'd be ready for it in 4 years as much as he was saying "I'm not ready for it now." So he pushed it off for 4 years as some random number he's chosen is all.

For some unknown reason, there's an awful lot of focus on the future here with you two instead of the here and now. Regardless of whether it's him or you, I'd steer clear of those conversations as they tend to be pitfalls of sorts, as you've discovered.

Additionally, you can never really pay attention to what men say because they'll say anything they think you want to hear. They can lie, they can fib, they can feed you false truths and false beliefs - it's all only talk and talk is cheap. Actions are what matters.

So if a guy talks about marriage and children all the time but doesn't act as if he's ready for marriage and children - that's a red flag that somethings wrong there. His actions aren't lining up with his words and that's a problem. It makes you wonder, is he trying to sweet talk you here? Is he sincere? Does he really mean it? Because when he says one thing and then does another - the indication is that he's not speaking the truth then.

It almost sounds as if he's seeking a sure thing here. Like he wants some sort of guarantee. Which makes me wonder if he might actually be insecure.

Either way, there's clearly something off about his behavior and his words - they don't line up and that's a problem.

But even if that's the case, I still say - focus on yourself here. Start doing positive things that make you happy. Don't worry about him, let him worry about himself. You focus on yourself here and you begin to use this time wisely.

Use it to manifest your deepest desires into being - and the rest will fall into place.

And it could just be that once he sees you radiating such positive vibes, looking great, feeling great and doing well without him - he may be attracted to you all over again.

So just keep the focus on yourself here and begin incorporating positive thoughts, intentions and actions into your daily routines - and you will find that the happiness you seek - will find YOU :-)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@AnonWoman here from 18 December,
Also, during this time to yourself here, why not start a vision board, to help you to stay positively focused and to help you begin manifesting the life you want for yourself.

Because there is something to be said for the Law of Attraction and the human brain actually DOES experience changes from such. Check out this piece here to explain how that works in the human brain:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2009/10/law-of-attraction-vision-boards.html

Anonymous said...

From @AnonWoman here from 18 December,

OK I will do the vision board as you're the second person to mention that :-) If you've seen it work, then I will give it a go.

He never brought up kids he only brought up a forever life....'e.g. we'll get there' when I told him how small my apartment was...and all the stuff I mentioned. I never did (except in the letter).

Sadly, it was me who mentioned kids, three occasions. The first time was fine it was a swift two minute chat, no damage. Then the second time because my male 'friend' instilled it in me the Aries was too young to be a father (This male 'friend' fancied me and I realised later had manipulated me) and unfortunately I took that fear into the relationship and discussed it with Aries. The third time you know about.

Perhaps marrying me was something he could handle for now, but the kids thing freaked him out doubly.

Your blogs have drilled it more into me about actions. His actions were matching his words for a few months, then they stopped.

I think he is insecure in some ways, anxious at times when things were bad between us yet a cool gentlemanly, fun exterior in another way, intellectual, perhaps a little odd (in a way I liked, maybe a little insane), but full of passion.

"It almost sounds as if he's seeking a sure thing here. Like he wants some sort of guarantee. Which makes me wonder if he might actually be insecure."

I think he has done that yes, during another conversation we had before. But, I didn't want to show him I was a sure guarantee, even thought I felt I was, because I didn't want to show him he'd got me fully committed and knew me heart fully, without putting a ring on it? Don't you think? Unless you just respond with a flighty: "Oh yes darling, forever. Fancy a cuppa?"

And leave it at that.

You see, part of me thinks, not sure what you think, a man should ask a woman to marry her if he for sure cares and for sure wants to find out if she'll be with him forever. How is a woman supposed to respond?!

Actually MOA, you've hit the nail on the head in a way, as after another chat when he said: I take us very seriously you know, do you think we can last forever?

I said: do you?

He said: I do but it won't be easy all the time.

But I mumbled something back, can't remember what, wasn't a flighty response, and then it went weird after that, and there was a change. I tried to backtrack when our conversation nosedived and said: what if I'd said: yes we can forever? He responded: I'd have felt more stable and my ego would have liked it too, but you didn't did you.

and he wouldn't allow me to back track almost....

Anonymous said...

From @AnonWoman here from 18 December

Although he did mention my ticking clock at that point too....and he knew since then how much I loved him and wanted to be with him.

Anonymous said...

I'm a Sag (Dec 16) in a relationship with an Aries (April 4). This article is dead on! My Aries guy is one of the most egotistical sensitive controlling man child I have ever crossed paths with. Our relationship works because I don't take his SHIT.....he will lie and make up any excuse he thinks you'll believe, much of our relationship is me mirroring his behavior. Often he does the magic disappear act and I don't flip out....the moment he tries to contact me Im unavailable, he only tries harder. It works like a charm. He is very intense in emotion whenyou can get him to be vulnerable and open up. When we first.started seeing eachother he asked me to marry him two weeks into dating. Can we say head over heel for a reaction! He is very passionate yet insecure....his ego must be stroked regularly. I love him to death because he will go to the end of the earth to see me happy and know that he facilitated it all. Words of wisdom have your own life, be preoccupied, it will make him want you more. Do Not give him a reaction unless it is rightfully deserved.

Anonymous said...

@anonymous Sag 16 Dec,

Out of interest....was it a proper proposal or just a big hint they were his intentions? How many weeks in did he do his first disappearing act and how long did it last? And, how long you been with him now?

Just asking and curious as it sounds a lot like my Aries man (April 5th) a lot!!!!!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

I kinda feel for your ladies dealing with those first week of April Aries . . they're so exhausting, LOL.

However, if you can hang tough with one, they can level off at some point in time with the antics and become good boyfriends, lovers and husbands.

But it'll definitely be a wild ride full of ups and downs before getting there. For some unknown reason, those first week of April Aries men are particularly challenging ;-)

Anonymous said...

I think the first week of Aries men are so challenging because they have so much to give, are so in demand, are so into love so they want the best, can be so devoted and would make incredible boyfriends, lovers and husbands. But like you say, it will be easy for the first few weeks then better hold on tight for a while before they become devoted princes. I looked in a born and it says that week 3rd to 10th April is 'The Week of the Star' with many admirers.

I wonder when the other ladies experienced when the wild ride began and how long it lasted for before 'they got there' to the good boyfriend/lover bit.

Anonymous said...

Hiya

@NYE here.

I went out on NYE and thought it'd be nice to give my number to a guy if I met one or have a small NYE kiss.

Anyway, a handsome Aries guy approached me and when the clock struck 12 we had a small kiss.

Later in the evening, his friend's brother starts chatting me up. I'd already spoken to the friend before the kiss and liked him.

Anyway, then we go back to his friends house, and we all have a few drinks and Aries friend's brother is so coming onto me asking to take me out to dinner and get my number. Aries man is listening and fuming later asking me if I wanted him to punch the guy. I said no! Aries saw I was enjoying the company....poor guy....but yes, I really was enjoying the other guy.

Thing is, I actually like the Aries friend's brother too, he is also more in my age group, intellectual and tall (as I'm tall) which are both important to me (Aries is none of these but has other nice qualities), so Aries friend's brother is more my type as an actual potential boyfriend, rather than the Aries. Aries is nice but he was more just a NYE kiss. But I'm not sure yet. Aries has since asked me out again.

I didn't give his mate my number as that seemed disloyal, but after a few hours with Aries, I'm not ready to be loyal and at that point it was just a kiss as the clock struck 12. It's an awkward situation but I actually do want to go out with his friend but I didn't give him my number. I do know where he lives, have seen him on FB.....

Shall I just leave it or message him on FB saying "you asked for my number on NYE, here it is"

Or leave it as I could seen as a bad ass. I dunno, I do like his mate's brother and would like to go out with both so I chose the right one for me! (maybe none of them are right in the end). Can I get around this without being a schmuck?

Yeah, I should have given him my number. Because he may have forgotten about me and not followed it up anyway....I don't like initiating stuff and wonder as I didn't give him my number it's doomed/not meant to be.

Anonymous said...

IM A TAURUS FEMALE .IVE BEEN GOOD FRIENDS WITH AN ARIES MAN SINCE HIGH SCHOOL AND LOVE HANGING TOGETHER WE CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING , ASK EACH OTHER FOR ADVICE.WE'VE BEEN CHEATING ON OUR SPOUSES WITH EACH OTHER FOR THE PAST 9 YRS ,BUT NEVER GOT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH EACH OTHER (BAD TIMING) . IDK WHAT TO DO .

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@NYE,
Go ahead and send it to him in a private message on FB and see what happens. If you don't hear from him, don't contact him again.

Anonymous said...

OK cool. He ended up adding me as a friend on Facebook this morning. I didn't accept his friend request but I just privately messaged him back a 'hi'

Bbydoll said...

Hi, ive been dating an Aries man for over two yrs now, I have a four yr old son to my ex partner. My ex who is a Virgo and my Aries man Don't get along, my ex wasn't happy seeing me and our son with another man in our lives etc so basically they DNt get along even though they gave barely spoken two words to each other.
Anyway recently my car broke down and I asked my ex to try and figure out what was wrong with it so he did, I let my Aries man know about it becoz I wanted to be honest with him and not sneak behind his back, anyway he saw me with my ex going to where my car broke down and he basically lost it, he txt me laters and told me it was over...
I've always felt he is very immature about things and we have had a very difficult last yr, constent fighting, never agree on stuff, I'm an Aries also but on the cusp with Pisces.
End of the day no relationships are perfect but I love him, I want to work on things I just DNt know how to handle this situation right now. Do I beg for his forgiveness, even though it's so childish or to I leave him be as he has asked. He seems at the moment to be quite hurt by it, he didn't like seeing me in my exes car. It's not like he offered to help me fix it or whatever... Too worried about his own shit I guess, I dunno. Shld I just leave it be and leave him alone!
My Aries man is a true Aries man, all the stuff u have written is him all over. Except I havnt experienced the break up stuff yet and I hope that isn't the case! At least I know to just ignore him if he tries to aggravate me.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Bbydoll,
He needs a cool down period, a good week or two. So I'd sit tight for the next week or two to see what he does and to give him space to think and possibly regret his rash decision.

If you don't hear from him in two weeks, normally, I wouldn't advise a woman to contact a man, however, given this misunderstanding, tap him in two weeks ONLY if YOU don't hear from HIM first.

So sit tight for two weeks first and give him some time to cool off and calm down. Contacting him any sooner while he's still upset could result in even more troubles.

Anonymous said...

Scorp here...

I was just wondering...how do you permanently get rid of an Aries?

Last weekend, me and some friends went to our stomping grounds (the bar where Aries works). As soon as I walk in, he asks me if I brought his jacket, I stated no....and he says, "That's cold. Well, can I have it?" I stated, "Yea, if you wanna come to my house and get it." He then proceeded to say he doesn't have my number anymore. I didn't say anything and walked to the other end of the bar. Then he calls my name from across the room and says, "You know what, you keep it!"

I was DONE at that point. I literally left the bar and took the 10 min drive back home to get his jacket! I just wanted him, that jacket, and this whole situation out of my fucking life! I didn't give two fucks about how it looked (me leaving to get his jacket). That's when you know you stop caring...when it's no longer about a power struggle, trying to prove something to someone else, and you just stop giving a shit about demeanor. I was just OVER IT! When I gave him his jacket, I shoved it in his face and I guess he got a whiff of it and says, "Yea, it smells like you, I know." I told him I was DONE fighting with him, and he said, "We'll talk about this when you're sober." Sorry but NO, we are not!

I'm glad to finally have that jacket off my hands, but now I noticed a couple days ago that Aries has conveniently unblocked me from FB now. I can already see where this is going...

MOA, seriously...I've done sooooo many mean things, crazy things, been the ULTIMATE bitch to this man...all with the intention to push him away, far away. I knew the moment I developed feelings for him it was not a good idea, hence the harsh treatment towards him, so I could protect myself. But still, I feel this man circling around me.

How do I get rid of him for good?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Scorp,
Ahh, the freakin jacket, LOL.

Well, I hate to tell you this, but because he now feels he's "won" and he got you to "jump" for him - he's coming back, this ain't over.

He's an arrogant one, that's for sure.

And if it were me, I'd have said to him, "What does not having my number anymore have to do with it? You know where I live and the jacket is at my home dumbass."

But since he saw he rattled you and made you jump, this jag now thinks you care. It's the old, "test for the response" trick, LOL.

This was a complete and total battle of wills on his part - he was testing you and your will towards him.

And now, your new-found bitchiness combined with your ultimate giving in to him is going to bring this dumbass right back to your doorstep, LOL. Aries love a challenge, honey ;-)

But the way to defeat them is to take control. Do not give in again. Do not respond to calls. Do not answer any of his friends inquiries or questions about him. Unfriend him on Facebook and block him from your profile there and change his name in your phone to "piece of shit."

And when he suddenly and miraculously locates your phone number again (and he will, because I don't think he ever really deleted it and probably wrote it down somewhere) and calls you, you don't ever return that call.

When he texts you (and he will), you simply respond by saying (because you've his name in your phone to "piece of shit")

"Hmm, I have so many pieces of shit in my phone. Which one of my mistakes are you?"

And then just go on with your life and steer clear of his drama at that bar when he's on shifts there.

Male bartenders are whores who like drama, attention and toying with people.

Anonymous said...

Good Morning! I am the scorpio woman that fell in love with the aries that had the spinal cord injury. Just wanted to let you know he contact me via text and said "Just saying Merry Christmas", I responded back "Merry Christmas to you also". WOW I thought maybe he was coming back around but hadn't heard a thing since. However his family still contacts me thru FB, and today a friend told me they saw him on Plenty o Fish....talk about a big blow !!! I can't believe it. With all our plans for the future and he is already movin on or trying to find something he will never find. All because I hung up the phone instead of argueing with him.....UNREAL

Anonymous said...

hey this is the Tarus female .. u never responded to me??!! what should do or go about things with my Aries

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Scorp in Love with Aries,
Oh God, Plenty o' Fish? That site is disgusting. Men openly troll for no strings attached sex there. It's foul.

I know you thought he was a nice guy, but I'm convinced now that he isn't. Everyone who goes on that site knows what's up there.

And I don't think this had anything to do with you hanging up on him now. I think that when you did that, he realized you were going to be too smart and you'd catch onto him eventually. So he used that as some sort of lame excuse to back out is all, with his ass still in tact, LOL.

At that moment, honey - he knew his bullshit wasn't going to wash with you much longer. So knowing he's a bit of a scoundrel of sorts, he retreated is all. Before he got his ass handed to him.

When men troll for sex but pretend to want relationships in order to get it - they steer clear of strong women that they know they won't be able to get away with that with forever.

He knew you were going to catch onto him is all.

And it wouldn't surprise me one bit - if you eventually hear that he's actually off his butt and in his car - traveling to see them.

If I were you, with this new knowledge, I'd be patting myself on the back right now. That moment of strength when you hung up on him - saved you a TON of future pain.

Trust me on that one.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Taurus Female,
I'm sorry honey, no disrespect, but I don't answer questions or advise people on how to conduct themselves in nefarious manners - to be successful at cheating on their spouses.

I'm not judging you, I just can't participate in that is all. My moral compass won't permit it and I believe in conducting myself with a code of ethics - that is for the good of all, and harm to none.

Advising you would create harm to others and, as a result, I can't participate in that. I'm focused on positive, non-toxic, healthy relationships here on this site. So to advise you would be going against my personal beliefs is all.

And I usually just have one thing for women in your situation to consider, and that is:

If he'll cheat WITH you, he'll cheat ON you.

I've seen it time and time and time again. Regardless of how "special" he tells you that you are. They all say what they need to say to accomplish what it is that they want to accomplish.

In the end, I've watched many, many, many women in your situation - simply become the mans dirty little secret that he attempts to bury under the rug someday.

As Stevie Nicks sang, "Thunder only happens when it's raining - and players only love you when they're playing."

Regardless of my personal beliefs, I wish you much luck and do hope that you find your way.

Anonymous said...

Heya Mirror,

From @AnonWoman from a few weeks back. Hope you don't mind me writing to you again.

OK, so, you have the backstory and you know Aries man finished with me. We ended in August 2012. Been in No Contact now for five weeks.

It's been painful for me of late, as you may recall, because my instinct told me to pull back but the dating advice/psychic tarot reader all advised me to keep going out with him, even though I felt it wasn't right at that time and I was in pain with him (as I loved him so much but could tell he wanted some space/wasn't so into me as madly anymore for a few painful weeks).....Anyway I could go on but that's not my point.

My point is, as I was dumped from a man I thought was perfect (yup), and this is hard to take, should I mentally try and change my attitude as I feel being told it's over means the person being let is MUCH MORE in the Long Run (RIGHT?!) than the person who initiated the break up.

So I figured, well, if I'd not had that advice advising me to go out with him those times when I was wanting to pull back (those nights ended up being awful memories that I still think of sadly), I would have followed my instinct and not answered all his calls, I would have cancelled the odd date, I would have met him a few weeks later on a few occasions, bla bla. Remember Aries men can be less loving and cruel if you're too available and they are all over the place in their head on what they are doing/want/anxious.

Yes my actions may have speeded an ending on, or maybe my actions created an ending, but the point is, if I had NOT listened to the advice,done what I normally do in those situations and follow my gut well I'd have done the above which would have meant he would have been more into me/I wouldn't have thrown myself into the fire so much with him so I wouldn't have those bad memories to remember and heal from.

Having these bad memories is the worst when it's not like I didn't need to learn a hell of a lot of stuff as my instinct told me what to do (I'm more of an expert now though, more fully polished off after reading your blog of course) so to heal quicker, do you think telling myself I ENDED IT WITH HIM, would help me heal better? Almost like lying to myself? Lie to myself that had I done it my way originally, I figure he'd have come around and still be into me and we'd still be together. Or, if it ended anyway eventually, it just wouldn't have been so bad for me memory wise as my instinct told me to cancel aload of the dates anyway.

I wonder just how much worse it is for the girl being dumped, than the guy ending it, so much worse so I wanted to try and trick my brain, if it's possible. Because being dumped plays on your ego, it means you are no longer in control or part of the party, you've been sacked, the mental oneupmanship the guy who ended it has in his mental restoration of healing must be so much huger in comparison to the poor soul who was let go. The stigma in that too, so I bet a lot of people's pride is hurt rather than having genuine love for the guy/gal. In my one case here, mine is probably all that but almost certainly a true love too.

Hope the gobblygook above makes sense.....it's kinda crazy, I know so it's not easy for an outsider to understand. :o)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@AnonWoman,
I don't think you should beat yourself up like this or attempt to fool yourself. Instead, focus on the lesson here and view THAT as the POSITIVE in all of this.

Here's the lesson for you - ALWAYS listen to your gut.

And I'm not saying that had you done that, you two would be together right now. Because that may or may not have been the case.

But you know what would've been avoided?

All those painful memories and this second guessing yourself that you're doing right now.

And you know what might've come of it, even if it had not worked out had you listened to your gut?

You'd feel empowered right now, having made the right choice. Even if you listened to your gut, didn't do what you did and he still walked away. At least it would've been your choice, you protecting yourself.

So stay focused on that, that's the lesson here. Don't get caught up in playing Monday morning quarterback here.

You can't live in the present when you dwell in the past.

You simply tell yourself that:

1) This just wasn't meant to be
2) You learned a valuable lesson
3) You're becoming a better person for it

Stay focused on that :-)

Anonymous said...

Scorp here...

I don't really have much of an update, but I like coming on here and sharing my story with the other women, because I like seeing how their situations are progressing.

I saw Aries this past weekend. Unfortunately, when I say the bar he works at is our stomping grounds, it really is. Think of it as the TV show "Cheers" if you've ever seen it...EXACTLY like that. Also, he happens to work on the good nights, Thurs-Sat. A male friend of mine who use to bartend there (he is now a teacher), was doing a rare fill-in at the back bar. He told me to come by after dinner with our friend.

As soon as I walk in, I greet one of the other bartenders, (as they are all like brothers to me) but don't make eye contact with Aries and just walked straight to the back bar with my girlfriend. Sure enough, 10 mins later Aries walks to the back bar (where there is a storage room), does his thing in there, and goes to give my girlfriend a hug (who he knows) while also saying to me, "Thanks for spraying the fuck outta my jacket." and walks over to give me a hug. All I asked was if he washed it...and he stated he had to because the smell was overpowering LOL ;)

It's weird because I didn't get the sense of arrogance or that he brought it up to be spiteful and start up drama (like he had at the BBQ). It seemed like he just needed a good enough reason to say something to me. He seemed...happy and even a little bashful. I avoided him the rest of the night, didn't speak to him...but the one time I was over by his bar, he was attentive to what I needed to drink (which is normal), but he seemed...nice. Like on his best behavior kinda nice. I left the bar without saying bye to him...something I never use to do.

I went ahead and blocked him on FB after noticing he unblocked me...it will stay that way. I like having that disconnect from him, it actually feels nice.

I also just wanted to share this - This Aries is probably one of the first men I've been interested in but haven't given into. Usually when I like a man, whether my gut tells me he's wrong for me or not...I always followed how I felt. It got me nowhere.

I was once that woman who pursued men, gave in too early, never stood up for myself because I didn't wanna come across as nagging, also because I felt it would push a man away. However, they say the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. So I made a decision to stop being that girl. At age 29 (which is way too late if you ask me), I finally got it through my head I can't be that way anymore.

cont...

Anonymous said...

Scorp - cont....

Aries is the first man who came along where I could test my will to change. When I say I don't care anymore...that's not to say I don't care about him, because I do (even though I know I shouldn't). I just don't care to make it work with him. I care more about protecting myself despite how I feel for him. So I will do whatever I can to make sure that happens. But it does make me sad how everything kind of ruined our friendship a little. Sad also because I like someone I know I could never be with. Sad because I'm doing things to push him away when all I want is for him to be close.

But I'm also very proud of myself for not giving myself to him, only to be hurt. I know for me...sex is an extension of how I feel for someone. So when I like a man, I'm more than wanting to have sex with him...I crave it. But I won't use sex as a means of keeping him close to me, because that too got me nowhere.

Like they say - "Women use sex to get love. Men use love to get sex."

So this whole situation with Aries is a HUGE learning experience for me...probably one that will shape the rest of my life significantly. Even though I only go out or to that bar maybe once every few months, the smart thing to do would be to avoid that place all together. But I don't want to revolve my life around him, and I want to know that I'm strong enough to face him without falling weak to him. Once I've mastered that, I'll be golden for the rest of my future relationships. To help, I didn't and will not drink alcohol there LOL, until my feelings for him are completely gone. Alcohol + emotions = :(

So I totally understand how every woman feels here and across this website. I've been there multiple times, with multiple men. It's hard, very hard...but building strength of character can't be easy, right? Sorry, I rambled LOL.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Scorp,
Well dear, you're growing and evolving ;-)

And I have a feeling that once he got that damn jacket back, his friends took a few jabs and pokes at him over the way he acted about that.

And I have a feeling that made him feel stupid and it also made him respect you more.

But again, I warn you, LOL - careful of his charms. That's how men work women over.

But I think at this point, you're able to separate the BS from the truth.

Anonymous said...

To Scorp,

"Thanks for spraying the fuck outta my jacket" and walks over to give me a hug"

That cracked me up laughing out loud reading that comment! I would have wanted to laugh my ass off if an Aries I was trying to be cool with said that to me. Nice he still went to hug you. I do like Aries men.

Sounds like you've had a similar experience with an Aries to me - in terms of they've tested you and you've grown to never f*** up again with an Aries at least.

I wish I could turn back the clock and TEACH my ex Aries man a lesson. After a wonderful start, when the boat got rocked, sadly I don't think I did teach him many lessons as I rewarded him for bad behaviour it seems upon reflection (when he went MIA).

He taught me so much, I wish I could have said the same so I could be someone he always remembers fondly or what he learnt from me. Maybe he learned a thing or two, But the biggest thing he needed to learn, sadly I didn't teach him. Oh well. I just don't know what other stuff he learned from me. All I know is he said it was a whirlwind romance - yeah, I know, sounds good, but he's deep and wants real love so whirlwind romance ain't that good...but there will be nice memories chucked in for him I imagine.

That's it though, we both have regrets but now we can move forward wiser and with more strength for the future to sustain a longer term relationship. You're 29, actually, that ain't a bad age to have learnt to be honest. Be grateful for Aries entering your life to teach you. I mean, they say God puts people on your path and each one of them can teach you a lesson. He came into your life and taught you one :-) Start looking at everyone you meet, like that. You will be teaching them something, and God will have put them on your path for you too.

From @AnonWoman - I am going to change my name to @Flowers as I really don't like the name @AnonWoman anymore :-)

Anonymous said...

Flowers...

I wish I could've laughed, but inside I was thinking, "That's what you get!" LOL! But to be clear, I warned him his jacket would came back smelling the previous time I contacted him to get it. So...I just followed thru on my word ;)

Yes, one thing I do love about Aries is how forgiving they are. They really can move on with a quickness and without holding a grudge. And yes, he came to hug me...but that's just a part of his charm. This man LOVES to hug people, men or women...that's just him.

He's not all a douche bag, LOL...when you look at him as JUST a friend. He's warm, nice, generous, affectionate, protective, fun, and is always smiling. However, he also is manipulative, an attention-whore, plays on woman's feelings, and isn't a faithful lover. He's very good at trapping women into FWB situations. If he wasn't so insecure and a whore, he could quite possibly be the perfect man, but with matters of the heart it's best to steer clear of him.

I can't really say I have any regrets with him in terms of questioning myself and what I did to fuck things up. Because ultimately, that's exactly what I was out to do...push him away. Yes, I could have just ignored him and I definitely went about it in a dramatic sense...but I felt I would easily fall weak to his charms like before hadn't I completely just revolted him. And it went on for quite a while after I realized he wasn't genuinely interested in me, as he took each attempt of me being mean on the chin like a champ. Hell, it's STILL going on.

With your situation, I consider you lucky. Lucky, because I read that during your last convo with your Aries, he was honest and told you he didn't have feelings for you like that. Some men will not do that, out of cowardliness of not wanting to hurt the other's feelings, or because they still want the option of having that woman later with no intention but to use her. That would have been all I needed to hear to move on.

My Aries has not and probably will not tell me he doesn't care about me like that. Despite all this back and forth he does, he's in it for the drama, attention, excitement, and circling (he doesn't chase me, he circles me). Other than a friendship, he could give two shits about me and is just out to toy with me. So be thankful you didn't fall in love with someone like him!

But like you said, I am grateful for my experience with him because it has shown me a lot and taught me a lot as well. It's still continuing to teach me things...things about myself. It has been quite eye opening :)

Scorp

Anonymous said...

This is Taurus .. I was simply stating we HAVE CHEATED but never gotten together , BOTH SINGLE NOW.. & wanted to know if we were so close what could be done to get closer

Anonymous said...

Hi MOA :) This is Aquarius female wrote you on November 9th 2012 2:22 ..

Ok I am finally moving out this week. It has been a mess. I wish I could of left sooner but finances did not let me. Well shortly after last time I contacted you we were doing ok being civil. I went with him to Thanksgiving with his family since mine are not here. He had asked a long time ago and I could not go home so went as friends. We got a hotel with kids that he was seeing but basically the whole time I felt ignored and family now knew we were not together because he kept introducing me as roomate. Even though he did not do that when he came home in september and I met them. Then when he gets back I see some online messages to the girl and I contact her told her everything.. She says what they have is special and does not believe anything.. He is mad and we barely talk for a long time..We both decide I am moving soon. He admits all this is his fault but basically says get over it. He does not love me. He goes off for Christmas.. Continues to drive down to visit her and right before he goes off for christmas he starts to flirt again. When he gets back 11 days later after the new year he acts happy to see me and wants to hug me. He then gets us dinner and really serious making out. This happens a few more times. Then the weekend he posts some marriage pic on her Fb page about being married is getting to annoy someone for rest of your life. I see and was upset go back to bed. He comes to check on me twice and once asks if i was crying. I said no.. Hes like looks like it. Then he later flirt again. End up having sex. Next day hes friendly still but no flirting. He has made dinner all this week and made sure to tell me he has dinner planned out everyday except tom when he has somewhere to be. Now I am moving out by Monday or Tues next week. His attitude has been very friendly since he got home. He is still seeing this girl and wondering should I just stop contacting him once I move out??? I just wonder if he will come back once I move??? Dont know how serious it is with this girl but know hes spent time with her family and the marriage pic he posted really upset me. This is most definitely the stranges relationship or whatever it is I have ever been involved in. I still care and love him . Also it was funny what you posted at the top of page about them worrying when you were not around.. ( getting donuts) I was at the beach this summer while he was deployed. Did not answer messages for one day when i was upset and he contacted all my fb friends asking if they have heard from me or if I am ok. I sometimes wonder if he does stuff trying to get a reaction out of me. Like posting that pic or if he really just does not care.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Taurus,
I hate to say this honey, but I know several Aries men that have had mistresses. And when they got divorced, they didn't chose to be with the mistress, they moved onto someone else.

Which is why I said that women in situations like that only become the man's dirty little secret that they attempt to sweep under the rug someday :-(

If a man genuinely likes you, he will seek you out. If he doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Aquarius Female,
I'd steer clear of this one and I'd initiate no contact the minute I moved out. I'd ignore any attempts he makes for at least one month to make him prove himself to me.

If you continue on the path you're on right now with him, you're going to end up a friend with benefits to him.

Anonymous said...

This is soooo freakin on point...OMG. Hes an Aries and Im a Sage....supposed to be compatible right? Well we started out good, really friendly, sweet, a complete gentleman. As soon as i became "available" he changed,started acting like his shit didnt stink, when i wouldnt respond to a text fast enough its "Oh you're not speaking today" or "where are you?" if i didnt answer he would call...well this grew old quick...at one time i thought i was pregnant by him...Thank GOD that turned out to be a false alarm because having a child with an emotionally unstable psycho who was still in love with his ex wife would not have been good. So we stopped talking for a little while. Next thing i know he adds me on fb (facebook) so im like ok, i know him so its cool with me...Well there wasnt any correspondence and he eventually deleted himself......ONLY TO TURN AROUND A LITTLE WHILE LATER AND ADD ME AGAIN....lol lol i still laugh....Now this time i think maybe hes doin better because he has a fiancee and he looks so happy....and im happy for him....but its funny that i get the cute little comments on my pictures and he comments on my comments and gives me compliments....AT 5 IN THE MORNING....im thinking where is your fiancee dude?....maybe im reading too much into it but i didnt think that if we were ever in a situation where we were alone....I honestly think he would try something.

Anonymous said...

@moa auarius female.. Thanks Yeah that is what it has pretty much been fwb but he goes hot cold and acts like its more then switches and says we are just friends so you should not expect more. I will do what you said. Hoping he will miss me and want more when I do leave. We have had this pattern for about 2 yrs or so. Do you think he could miss me and want more once I leave??

He was gone for 1 yr deployed and we contacted each other every day and i moved in while he was gone and he came home september.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
Sure, he'll miss you - if you're gone - for a LONG time. It takes men MUCH longer to miss someone than it does women. It takes men months.

Stay away for two or three months and he'll miss you.

Anonymous said...

I read previously that you said it takes about 4 months give or take for a man to miss a woman, but this has to be with NC initiated right?

My friend broke things off with her fwb of almost 2 years a couple months ago; however, she still talks to him via text. She doesn't see him, sleep with him, but they do still communicate. Do you think he's able to still miss her while keeping in touch, but not seeing each other?

Also, she deleted him off FB, but not blocked him. But since she cut him off, she has made all her statuses and pics that she posts now public...so essentially he can still see what's going on with her. I told her this was stupid and she should just be completely MIA and not allow him a glimpse into her life. However, I think she feels that by showing him how happy her life is without him...it'll make him wanna come back. She has even changed her profile pic to her and a bunch of guys.

What do you think? Do you think that by seeing her happy and moving on, that it'll spark his interest to come back?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
Honestly sweetie, I think a man looks at actions like that as obvious ploys to get them going, to drum up jealousy. It's emotional behavior and men are very keen to pick up on that.

And no, remaining in contact after a breakup does not make a man miss you. He can't miss you unless you're gone. And if he's speaking to you, he might as well be seeing you. And by giving him a glimpse into her life, he has nothing to worry about or fear or think about. His mind can't wonder. And all these actions look obvious and as a result, end up reassuring him that she still likes him and she's acting out in her behavior.

I think seeing someone move on in a genuine manner can spark interest, but not when it looks fake..like a ploy.

What signals to a man that you've moved on is when you quit speaking to him, ignore him, block him from your life...and genuinely move on.

Anonymous said...

Okay MOA I've been reading this for months now and ready for some "Here's what you do with this one" :) 
You can call me Aqua :) 
He is a 41 years old Aries - April 10th... I am a Cap/Aquarian cusp - January 20th and am 29. He's never been married. I was for 8 years. 
I met him a couple years ago but I was in a let's have fun and see where it goes mode after recently getting out of a long relationship and after a while he said "You need to go date for a while and realize what a good man is and maybe we can connect another time when you can appreciate a man like me." hahaha how very Aries of him. So I went away, at one point I started wondering if I should have put more effort and not been dating so much so I tried to peruse him a bit and he played some games for a while and then I decided I was over it and stopped responding. A few months ago he resurfaced after yes drum roll 4 and a half months after I cut off communication. :) it was surprising to me and I can't say I didn't get a big smile when he did. I am very physically attracted to him, he's spiritual and we talk faith a lot, he owns his own business, tall, sexy and previously we did have sex and it was off the charts. He makes me of course feel like the sexiest thing to him! Ok ok typical Aries charm, I get it! When he contacted again we had a pretty long conversation about what went wrong previously and the difference in the approach we both needed to put effort in to start dating again on the right foot. I hadn't been dating at all. Right after that conversation I started googling Aries males and found your site.  Which I'm sooo thankful for. So we started flirting and chatting...I little by little set the expectation of we will not have sex unless we decide to be in a committed relationship, no pressure lets take our time.  You be the leader...I havnt pursued seeing him, waiting for him to make the move. I don't respond right away all the time. When he tries to pull his last minute lets hang out I even at times pretend I'm busy when I'm not. Explaining I'm really busy u need to plan a date a few days before. This all started back in early November. 
Continued....

Anonymous said...

Okay so here are my questions and concerns. Do Aries men tend to have a private nature? We live about an hour and 15 min from each other. I have a son he has a daughter and we both have very demanding carriers. Time is difficult and I know my schedule is difficult. I have had concerns about how slow and private he is. I've expressed those concerns and he has assured me give him time to warm up and it won't be an issue. He's pretty paranoid about his business and I told him I googled him and he pulled away. (by the way i met him online) He said he has been stalked pretty crazily by a woman and he just is cautious. I am no way a stalker but okkkkk. We have only seen each other a couple times since November and nothing in the form of an official date.  He has reached out mid week asking about the weekend and doesn't really follow through or he text me Saturday day to hang out that night.  I'm playing pretty hard to get and at times have pushed away a little nervous about how much I do like him and how it's been a lot of talk between us and no action.  I havnt probably stroked his ego much and possibly not reassured him of my interest. I rarely initiate contact first and I've been wondering if we havnt seen each other because I'm playing too hard to get. At this point I'm just frustrated and don't really see things moving and have been thinking of stopping communication again. I sense that he doesn't ask to see me only hints around what ami doing because I said no too many times and it's hurt his ego. I'd like to give it a bit more time but also make it clear if he doesn't put more effort into it, I'll be moved on. Any advice on dealing with an Aries? Btw he is very responsive to my text, calls me often. I don't think his privateness is anything too weird like a wife or something but it is a constant concern. Please know I grew up with a pathological lying mother that makes me paranoid sometimes of people that are dishonest. I've probably pushed him away with my continuous assumption in a moment of him maybe not being honest. He pulls away every time but then comes back around with a sympathetic assuring  tone that it's going to be okay and he understands my concerns but if I'd just give him some time he promises he will satisfy my concern but if I keep "freaking out" it will be hard for him to open up too.
I more then I ever have with a man find myself saying just forget it it's too frustrating but I like him a lot when we are together and not sure how to get what I want which is to see it through but not sit around waiting for him. Even typing this I'm frustrated haha. Appreciate your Aries man input. :) 

Aqua 

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Aqua,
"Do Aries men tend to have a private nature?"

Yes. But all men tend to.

" it's been a lot of talk between us and no action. "

Careful with that, it's a red flag. You're BS detector should be going off, LOL.

"been wondering if we havnt seen each other because I'm playing too hard to get."

No. When an Aries man wants something, they go get it. Period. Case closed. Aries love a challenge.

"he doesn't ask to see me only hints around what am i doing because I said no too many times and it's hurt his ego."

I see it a bit different. I see a man seeking something easy here and testing the waters to see if you'll jump on him. If a man doesn't put forth effort and sits back waiting for a woman to carry the relationship along, it's a red flag for a man seeking free and easy sex without lifting a finger.

"but also make it clear if he doesn't put more effort into it, I'll be moved on."

Don't use words with men - they only hear action. Save your breath, don't communicate your emotions - and simply disappear and ignore his attempts at contact.

" I don't think his privateness is anything too weird like a wife or something but it is a constant concern."

If you haven't been to his home and he acts shady about seeing you in public, there very well may be a wife or a girlfriend somewhere. Additionally, you gut is trying to tell you something here and women's intuition is rarely ever wrong, so you should listen.

"my continuous assumption in a moment of him maybe not being honest."

Again, I think this is your gut speaking to you. But then logic comes in and dismisses it. Your gut is the first thing you feel or sense in the first 3 seconds of something. After 3 seconds, logic kicks in and skews your intuition. And that's when folks begin rationalizing things away that they should've instead paid attention to.

"but if I keep "freaking out" it will be hard for him to open up too."

This is why communicating in words and expressing emotions with men never works. Emotions frighten them, they only hear ACTION.

"not sure how to get what I want which is to see it through but not sit around waiting for him."

You can't force someone to want to be with you. And you don't sit around waiting. You continue dating and if he mans up, then so be it. If he doesn't, then you haven't skipped a beat.

Anonymous said...

Okay I agree with with part about Aries enjoying a chace, but huge ego? I am an Aries women, and I have also date Aries men, and so what if Aries are confident? Aries have a lot of options when it comes to picking a date, and if they do leave that person...well it is because they are boring. Whoever wrote this just sounds like a bitter woman who was dumped because she was probably dull. Then goes on to say how possessi they are because her pride was hurt.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
Sorry dear but you've got this one all wrong. I have never been dumped by an Aries, however, I have dumped 3 of them - just in the last year as a matter of fact (their ego's didn't fit through my front door ;-)

And as you can see, there are 300 comments here from other women, most of whom can identify with what I've written here about Aries men.

"so what if Aries are confident?"

There's a big difference between confidence and ego. Ego makes you behave in selfish ways that are hurtful others, that make you look like a childish, immature individual, without giving any consideration to another's feelings.

Confidence is an asset, but ego and pride are a liability. And if Aries men would take a moment to look in the mirror at themselves and at how others perceive them and their selfish, ego driven behaviors, they may see that the behavior they project onto others does not align with their glorified vision of themselves.

And yes, I also have half a dozen Aries friends, male and female, as well. All of whom have red this post and find it to be an insightful look at themselves. We've shared many laughs over it.

I'm sorry you didn't find it to be insightful, however, there are literally thousands of peaches and cream astrology profiles on the Net about Aries that will make you feel better.

So go take a look at those ones, it'll be a nice ego boost. ;-)

Peter said...

@MOA

As you know I'm a Virgo male. I gave you a star chart and have been researching it as you suggested. My question relates to influence of Aries male feature on Virgo.

I was informed that somethign called N.Node is 21 degrees Aries. According to what I can find that means I get very intense bursts or energy or determination when I'm going after a specific result. I should also look to open up an express leadership more.

You know I am still studying this and I have been reading some of the Aries qualities on here from an Aries male. Parts ring true for me in this.

I just wondered what this N.Node thing means and exactly what will that do from Aries standpoint if anything really to influece the Virgo.

The lady wo resently returned to me after she initiated NC is an Aries. You can see the theme for me in attracting fire sign females.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Peter,
Well, this is where astrology becomes a bit more complex. Many astrologers believe the North Node are positive qualites (light) and the South Nodes are negative ones (dark). Regardless of how you look at it, it's clear there's "fire" there, LOL.

So you could consider Aries an "opposite" of sorts. But it's an opposite that contains qualities you'd like to contain yourself or already do to some extent. Like Yin and Yang. What one doesn't have, the other does and vice versa. As a result, the two can "balance" one another if paired.

It's a bit complex, but I found this bit that explains it in understandable language:

"North Node in Aries represents a karmic drive to embrace your identity, to make your own decisions and live your own life. You will find fulfilling relationships only when you embrace your own desires and wants (Aries), take the risk of being your own person, following your impulses. Only then can the right relationship appear."

So basically, the North Node represents "direction" to an extent - much like the North Star that always leads one home. Meaning, follow the tendencies of the sign in your North Node - Aries - and begin to exhibit their behaviors - and you will your way :-)

Great . . that means you get to act like an Aries warrior, LOL ;-)

Anonymous said...

@Girls,

I'm online dating at the moment, started this week.

Just checking out an Aries 41 year old. Summed up an Aries man, he knows himself well!. His profile, copy and pasted below as follow:-

You: intelligent, 100% alive.

Me: sunny disposition with a darker streak. Direct, passionate, impulsive

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
Yep, he's certainly in touch with himself, LOL.

Careful with that one, he's warning you he's got a dark side.....and he's stressing that he wants live victims.....who will put up a good fight, LOL!!!

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous, from January 14, 2013 at 9:09 AM

Dying to know what star sign the lady who has dumped three Aries males are?

Anonymous said...

Women of the aphrodite net,

I'm having fun with a young Aries at the moment. He liked me and made his intentions known. I thought he was OK (handsome, but personality not a match). We made out (I had nothing better to do that night, neither did he probably). He showered me with attention each and every day after when I was depressed (I liked him a lot and the attention but knew he wasn't the one, and vice versa it turned out).

Anyway, we had an argument. He was possessive over me but when I reciprocated it was all out war from his end. So I NC'd him.

Now I've accepted his friends Facebook request (who was jealous of as his friend paid alot of attention to me) and he has responded to that by putting an old photo up of himself being kissed by a woman.

Hilarious....

May the fun and games commence! At least whilst I am single and I've time to play them

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
LOL, well if you're referring to me...I'm a Taurus - the stubborn bull ;-)

And to be honest, I actually liked each of them for a minute LOL. I get along smashingly with Aries men as friends...I half a half dozen or so in my life and a BFF of two years was one also, a female.

But notice I said "was" - past tense LOL?

I can't take the games, the drama, the ego..it's exhausting and honestly, knowing them so well...their behavior becomes predictable after a while and I get bored with it all.

And all my Aries friends...all we do is bust balls and bicker constantly...but with love - if that makes any sense LOL.

I think they actually like that I give them a run for their money. And there's yet another Aries male that's been playing games with me for 7 years now...yes, seven years ;-)

Anonymous said...

Mirror,

Hadn't realised it was you!

Yes your Aries male that was born in the first week of April, IIIIIII remember.
Were any of the three you dumped, born in the first week of April?

Do you want the guy who's been chasing you/you've like/whoever chasing who.... as a BF in the future? Or is it too hush hush to say.

My sister is May 18th Taurus, she couldn't hack an Aries I'm pretty sure as she is far too 'you see what you get' and straight up.

Thing is, get an Aries to adore you and forever, it's like winning the Disney movie lottery I'm sure!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@ Anonymous Jan. 15, 9:58PM,
That's EXACTLY what I'm talking about....drama LOL.

It's predictable after a while. It's always "look at me, I'm great" and when you don't drop your life and make yours revolve around them, they get a bruised ego and they pout. Then when they pout, it's war. And when it's war, it's all strategy and predictable moves on their part.

I mean...he's sooooo giving himself away there about how he feels. You can see right through it, LOL. But they're confidence, ego and pride make them think they're slick about it. And when you ignore them, the behavior gets worse.

It's entertaining and exhausting all the same ;-)

Anonymous said...

hehe

Mirror, this Aries is like, 26. I'm older than him. But yeah, they are quite girl like in some respects...baby like (first sign of the zodiac so they can't help it), very cunning (whether it's intentional, probably?).

But once they have you, you have them...surrrrely it's then all plain sailing Disney movie time? Surely, surely the games don't go on, if you play their game and show them how much you adore them, and vice versa, they gotta settle abit to being devoted and more balanced, surely?!! lol. Give me some hope as I do want one long term! haha (I THINK) lol.

They certainly fascinate me otherwise I'd not bother talking about them.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan. 15, 10:13PM,
Would you believe me if I told you two were...and the other was damn close. March 31st. And now that I think of it, there were four - two of them had the same birthdate, March 31st, LOL.

I often joke, I'm like an Aries freakin magnet. I can't figure it out. Maybe it's my outspoken nature, I dunno...but it's baffled me for years. And my Taurus girlfriend..she had a first week of April Aries in her life for 40 friggin years. She's a riot and like a second mother to me. He's long gone...and she's with another Aries right now...that she swatted away for 4 years before giving in, LOL.

I would probably try dating that Aries man because he's one that's actually "thrown" me...meaning I get nervous around him. But I've often joked with friends about him, " careful what you wish for" - I'd wait 7 years to date him, then an hour into it, I'd prolly tell him he was an ass and walk out, LOLOLOL ;-)

And I'm sure there could be some Disney effect if in love with an Aries....trouble is, I can't make it that far with them LOL.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan. 15, 10:26PM,
Well..read through the comments here. There are ladies who have commented here that are or have been long term with them. Some left them, some stayed and say it goes on and on, others have been left by them...and some say theirs drive them nuts but they love them anyway LOL.

Anonymous said...

Mirror,

And I'm sure there could be some Disney effect if in love with an Aries....trouble is, I can't make it that far with them LOL.

Totally know what you mean. Same here. Been with three in total. Dumped two but not the third.

I've been in a two year relationship with a late March Aries...wasn't the same as the April 6th Aries. Hell no! There were many similarities, but the April 6th Aries was more balanced, sultry and more debonair, had more of the star quality about him. They can go off though and be so independent Aries, like Aquarius who ate known for their independence, but different. Perhaps as they give off so much emotional heart and mind felt fire they need to cool down. Whereas Aquarius are just nice to everyone and so then need their space.

No way would you dump your roofer after one hour after seven years, no wayyyy!!!! You're kidding yourself with that one ;-)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
LOL, well..if I didn't dump him after the first hour then I imagine it could easily become a love/ hate situation. Because there have been times I've thought, "what an ass, LOL.

Like the times I ran and ignored him after doing something stupid...he'd get upset and blatantly ignore me back, LOL.

It's been nothing but games, headaches and laughs the entire time. I'm happy with that laughs (although I'm not sure he's always laughing LOL)...which is why I don't push it.

And I've turned the tables since those days...last time I saw him, his hands were shakin, he almost left his keys on the counter at the gas station, and when he lingered and turned to face me to speak with me...he could hardly look me in the eyes ;-)

He was visibly shakin LOL.

Anonymous said...

@Mirror,

Gosh, what a turnaround. Just shows, patience works and couple that with the right emotional intelligence and tools to turn things around and make a man putty in our hands. It's the old push pull theory.

It's cool you get to actually see him often to actually play these games/have this 'relationship' as many people in cities don't get the chance :)

good (for you) how you said headaches not heartaches.

Anonymous said...

Me Taurus too. I had a relationship of 5 years with an Aries, 10 years ago and it ended so badly cause he wanted me back but I went on, we meet one day he called me and we got drunk and suddenly he just got all crazy when I told him I was going home alone.....anyways years has pass and he called me, and we met but nothing from me, cause I am in love with this other Aries , he is younger than me, and a real gentelman when he wants to , and we have the best sex and fun and long conversations...lately he started the dissapearing thing, I told him nothing, just met him when he reappear, then he asked me what did I want from the relationship, I say I did not know yet I just wanted to meet more and just date him, and get to know him better, he went along with that, but then he said he could not promise he would not see other girls, I said I understand, but I don´t like it, but that we are free people, and I need time, we never talked about that again, that was a year ago, now we met again after he contact me after he was abroad for two months, and it was amazing, dinner, he tok me to his work, home , hotel dinner again and u know the rest, I left , he contact me again, he had to wait 4 weeks to see me cause I was busy with work, we met, all amazing again, and then he was gone on me after we exchaged messages. He said how sorry he is we had so little time to spend together, I went me too, but that is the way it is, but it will get better when I move back to same city he lives in, anyways we agree we like to spend time together and so on, he send me the sweetest messages, then I did hear nothing, nothing for xmas, then I send hin a short good vibe message on FB before new years eve, and hear nothing (we are not friends on FB but he subscribe to me) then I hear nothing days go by no happy new year no nothing, so I blocked him on FB because I just feel his actions show me he is not into me after all. But then after reading almost all of this post, I wonder if it is a game he is playing to see what I do? I want to be realistic and think when somebody loves you they go after you, but his hot hot hot behavior and then cold ghost really confuse me....Was me blocking him the right thing to do? I am working hard on forgetting him and trying to meet new people, and taking care of my self. I just wonder if me blocking him makes him feel YES she is in love game over?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Taurus,
"I just wonder if me blocking him makes him feel YES she is in love game over?"

It's possible, because you played your cards there. That was an emotional reaction and men know exactly what it means when a woman does something like that.

As a woman, you're much better off remaining mysterious and hard to read. If you act on the emotions you're feeling at the time, nine times out of ten, you regret those actions later down the line.

It always pays to just sit tight, do nothing. Let men come to you.

Anonymous said...

Thank you MOA, I know it was emotional,but as a said I did never react to this before , I always give him space and let him come to me. But now I got tired of it and I blocked him also because he was the one having access to my public updates by subcribing to me and having friends of friends (since we are not FB friends) I just feel is unfair that he should get all that info about me and still he keeps me in the dark sort of by not contacting me. I am trying to mirror his behavior. I never pursued him, I just send him one message this one time. I guess I am a tomboy :-)lol

Anonymous said...

I'm a 28 year old cap who just recently ended a relationship with a 29 year old aries. We've known each other for a while. He used to come to the diner I worked at and we'd chat it up here and there. He was never my type but nonetheless a sweet charming guy. Very intelligent and well traveled. I married and than divorced and each time he came in it was harmless fun. Forward this summer he finds me on Facebook while he is serving in Afghanistan. I was cold at first because quite frankly I couldn't remember who he was. He messaged her and there and I just simply replied cooly. Finally he laid it on pretty thick and I went along with it. Chatting for a month and a half before he came home. When he came home in July we met up and literally fireworks went off. He was a total Prince Charming. We hit it off right away. We were together ever since. Texted me everyday the sweetest most romantic things. How lucky he was. The best woman to enter his life

Anonymous said...

Continued

I work two jobs and didn't have time to constantly bother him and he loved that. So we date and everything is perfect. The last month he started acting fishy as hell and I called him out on it. Not wanting to meet up and said I was acting like the others. Needed room to breathe. Our once a week dates were two much. Wtf? So I backed off. Meanwhile he starts partying every night and friending 18-22 year old girls on Facebook. Starts deleting my posts and pics. Called him out on it. Said he was just doing it to piss me off because I've been giving him shit lately. I'm highly intitive and he just seemed odd and distant. So the Wednesday before NYE i go to break up with him because I'm not a clingy person and I'll be damned if he's gonna make me like one. I told him if this is the new person he was the going out with his boys every night hanging out with little girls let me know because I can't do this emotional roller coaster anymore. He stated that there is noone but me. Loves me. The only girl he's considered marrying. Blah blah. Not ready to let me go. So we leave it at that. We need to work on our communication and to not jump to conclusions.

Anonymous said...

Continue

Fast forward that Monday NYE he doesn't want to hang with me because he's going to a party that isn't suitable for me (I've loved a sheltered life) and decided screw it I'm going out with my friends. Long story short we end up at the same party. Lol. And I see him walking in holding hands with this 20 year old girl I asked him about from Facebook.

Confronted him and her. Told me we've been fighting he single. I introduced myself to he girl as his gf. She simply smiled and said nice to meet you. I screamed at him. Told me she's just a friend he loves me blah blah blah and spent over and hour talkin and tryin to CONvience me its nothing.

I found her friend and asked her wtf was going on. Turns out they've been talking for over a month. Kissed. Probably more. Spend the night as his place. All that. And she takes me upstairs to where they are and I see him holding her and trying to convince her that I'm just a psycho ex.

Sorry this is sooooo long haha

Anonymous said...

Continue


So i go ape shit on him. Not my character at all. But I do. I leave and he sends me a lame msg. I send him something in reply. Three days later he sends me a song all we are by Matt nathanson. I don't respond. Then exactly one week later he contacts me asking where he can drop of my stuff. I finally respond and go pick up my stuff and drop off his dog tags and love notes off. He looked like trash. Keep shutting off the lights. Couldn't face me and was ashamed for his actions and reverting back to his ways. Wouldn't let me go and even went to kiss me. In figured I loved him so much we'd at least try to be civil and friends.

He called me after I left and told me he loved me and thanked me for meeting up with him.

So now he sends me random texts. I came across a pic on fb that he was with the very girl who he cheated with last Friday and texted me the next day. On what would be our 6 month anniversary (I know I know super gay) he sends me another song david gray please forgive me. I texted give me time and he replies what up girl???? Wtf?


So I'm just lost iI guess. What is he Doing. I'm a pretty strong person I don't tolerate bs because I'm just too busy but this jackass really gets to me. I then called him this Tuesday about my car that he said I could take to his cousin and he was sooo cold. After saying call me whenever you want. I hung up because he was being a perk about me being stubborn. I than send a message saying forgot I called And other things and wrote lady chill call me anytime. I have yet to hear from him and i refuse to write him or call again.

My question is what is he achieving by chimming in every few days and will he ever regret what he did. I've come to find out he's cheated before on others but I'm the first that caught his ass.

Anonymous said...

Cap here again.

I forgot to mention after our first meeting since the NYE bash. He called a friend got emotional on the phone crying saying he lost the best thing that has ever happened to him. Do you think he was genuine or just manipulating people to feel sorry for him?

Btw I'm surprised you're not a Capricorn. You are so wise. Lol and I absolutely love that I stumbled upon your blog.

:-)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Cap,
What he's achieving here is...stringing you along. He's a cheat, a liar, a manipulator and a con artist. He'll never make a good boyfriend, husband or lover.

It's time for no contact and consequences:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/how-to-say-no-dating-life-consequence.html

Anonymous said...

Hei Cap, one thing I learn, when a person is not doing good with themselves they can´t have a good relationship, and many men like that will just do the having many girls thing,(young girls too) just to make it look like they could have whoever they want, when in reality they can´t even take care of themselves( emotionaly). do the no contact, and take care of yourself. I went so far as to block the Aries I was seeing, because I guess I needed to show him this ones, (I feel hurt about by what is going on between us, and I need to protect my self) it´s been a few weeks now, and even when I do miss him, (his good sides) I feel better now that I know if he does come back, he then will know that I will keep contact only if and when he treats me good. They way I am treating my self now. Good luck and stay strong. MOA thank you again for this blog,your advise helps me a lot!

Anonymous said...

Hei MAO, A friend of mine just made me aware that this A guy I blocked, has another profile on FB where he advertise for his business and we happen to have some friends in common, the thing is that I have many things on my profile open for friends of friends, because in that way I also advertise for my business. My question is should I block that other profile of his too? or just ingnore the fact that he can still see some of the things I am up to, if he whishes...and that maybe I will get curious and track this profile of his... to be honest I asked my self the same question and this time around I just don´t know what to do, cause I don´t want to play anymore, but this sosial media thing is so difficult..if u have some advice I would be most grateful! wishing you a wonderful day! Taurus2

Anonymous said...

Hey Mirror,

I'm on seven weeks today with No Contact with my ex Aries.

I must say, today I feel like I am missing him...was hoping to bump into him near his work as I was one mile away from his office, I wondered along the streets between meetings, hoping to get a peak he may have popped to a meeting or a coffee, alas, no chance.

I feel now I really want to see him or talk to him. I kinda feel, I was so awful to him after I went emotionally crazy at the end (he ended it), that that's why he's not in touch now seeing how I am. I also know it's cos he knows we need space as he saw I was hurt. Part of me thinks I should apologise for all I said to him. However, I did that at the end of the crazy spell so there's no point again now. I really regret what I said to him...but yeah, I did apologise before.

I really feel like I've lost him, my buddy, the guy I love, but I should hold back from contacting him, I know that deep down, however much I miss him. I need to see how much he misses me and see if he contacts me one day again, don't I?

Goodnight

@AnonWoman

Anonymous said...

THIS IS SO ON SPOT ITS SCARY! WHO ARE YOU!? GIRL I NEED YOUR HELP BAD. LOL. YOU ARE RIGHT I ALWAYS THOUGTH MY ARIES WAS CUTE, EVEN CRUSHED ON HIM A LITTLE BUT IT WAS NEVER AS DEEP FOR ME AS IT WAS FOR HIM UP UNTIL YR AGO, HE WENT FROM SEEING ME EVERY ONCE BLUE MOON TO SEEING ME EVERYDAY, DUE TO OUR FAVORITE COUSIN MOVING AROUND THE CORNER FROM HIM, WHICH GAVE HIM A WAY TO ME EVERYDAY AND HE CAME ON STRONG EVERY CHANCE HE GOT. AFTER 8 MONTHS AND COUNTLESS YRS OF CHASING ME THROUGH OUR CHILDHOOD YRS, I FINALLY GAVE IN. BIG MISTAKE, OR BITTER/SWEET I SHOULD SAY. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYONE TAKE ME UP TO CLOUD 9 THEN DISAPPEAR AND JUST WHEN IM FED UP WITH HIS NONSENSE AND TELL HIM IM DONE HE'S SHOOTS ME RIGHT BACK UP TO CLOUD 9 AGAIN. SMH I'M SO LOST, AND IT SEEMS I SIMPLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I'M IN LOVE BUT I GIVE UP. HONESTLY. THIS MAN REALLY REALLY CONFUSES ME, BUT INTRIGUES ME MORE THAN I'V EVEN BEEN IN YRS AND TO TOP IT OFF HE'S 3 YRS YOUNGER ONLY 21 AND IM 24, WELL HE'S ABOUT TO TURN 22.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Taurus2,
Hey sista' Taurus :-)

Well, with social media, it's kind of a mixed bag for me. I mean, on the one hand, I don't think it's wise for a woman to play her cards and show emotion by blocking or unfriending someone.

But on the other hand, if a man has just been ignorant, rude, disrespectful and/or the woman is initiating "no contact" with him - in that case, I think it's necessary.

So I guess the question you need to ask yourself is, "Does he DESERVE to have ACCESS to you?"

If he's been ignorant, then the answer is "no" and he needs blocked. If he's not been ignorant in anyway and things just fazed out, then I'd leave it be.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@AnonWoman,
"I need to see how much he misses me and see if he contacts me one day again, don't I?"

That's your gut speaking to you, dear - don't ignore it. It's a valuable asset.

If you reach out and he ignores you or rejects you, you're going to set yourself back to square one and you're going to relive the pain and rejection of this all over again.

It's not worth it. You're what's important now. Not him. Protect yourself and don't put yourself through that.

You've come too far.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan. 21, 5:49PM,
"WHO ARE YOU!?"

LOL, I'm the Mirror of Aphrodite. And this is where folks come to take a look in the mirror ;-):

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2007/03/about-mirror-of-aphrodite.html

"I'M SO LOST"

Don't be. Start by educating yourself a bit and begin reading through the articles here in the "love and relationships" category. These two are good for starters:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/how-to-say-no-dating-life-consequence.html

And:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/dating-when-why-how-use-no-contact-rule.html

"IT SEEMS I SIMPLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE."

It will start to become clear if you read those two pieces I referenced above ;-)

So begin to absorb the message there after reading those and feel free to return with any questions.

Anonymous said...

@Mirror,

"That's your gut speaking to you, dear - don't ignore it. It's a valuable asset."

You're right :o)

"If you reach out and he ignores you or rejects you, you're going to set yourself back to square one and you're going to relive the pain and rejection of this all over again.:

Thanks for those words, I hadn't thought about it in that way. They were what I needed to hear right now.

"You've come too far"

You're right, I don't want to start at zero once again, re-healing, opening up old wounds and having a poke around with a stick.

Thank you my virtual friend, you're an Angel. You should get a CBE or OBE for your work, hey, maybe one day after thirty years service in the UK of doing something so groundbreaking as your site is, you might ....

@AnonWoman aka Virgo, your earth sister :)

Anonymous said...

I'm a Virgo with Leo Venus and mars, aqua moon and virgo merc. Been dating this Aries man wth Aries Venus, sag mars, cancer moon, Pisces mercury for 4 months.

I can tell he's been hurt in the past he refuse to label or relationship even we are obviously in one as he stopped adding random promiscuous looking female as friend voluntarily. Recently I asked him where we stand as its only fair to ask since its been 4 months. He keep saying he doesn't believe in labeling a relationship I then said does it mean I can start dating someone else? He goes yrs I don't have the right to tell you not to. I said alright I will, and I can see the disappointment in his face.

Last week we had a big fight and its his first time showing me that infamous Aries rage. He swore at me loudly and ask me to leave his house. But we ended up talking things through. He ended up giving me a gift (I wonder when he got it) cooked dinner and did the dished afterwards. I take it as his way of makig it up to me. Normally he is sex crazed but that night we only cuddle to sleep. He said he is too upset.

The next day we did it and when he drove to drop me off he was silence. I had my hand on his lap so I moved and he grab my hand to put it right back on his lap. When he said bye to me he said take it easy. I hugged him and say I will miss him, and I said we are dropping the games so now I'm not afraid to tell him I will miss him. When I arrive home I send him a txt with his picture in it and no reply.

He hasn't contacted me since and he added 2 promiscuous looking women as friends. Is he making a statement hebis ending it with me?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan. 22, 7:01AM,
I don't think he wants a relationship with you honey :-(

A man does not consider himself to be in a committed relationship with a woman unless HE has asked her for the commitment. If that hasn't happened, then he doesn't consider himself to be in one. Which is why he told you that he doesn't have the right not to tell you to date other men.

If a man doesn't tell you he loves you or ask you to be in a committed relationship with him by the 6 month mark (or 18-24 dates) - he's never going to and you need to move on.

Anonymous said...

well I guess it's been a mix of things fading and him being ignorant, and kind of self centered. In my case he was the one saying he missed me first, asking me out, asking to come to my place and so on, for then dissapearing like a ghost and coming back when it was ok for him, in the first stages it did not bother me, but it´s been more than a year now, and then in my opinion, he is not that into me, so yes is fading and yes he shows it in an rude way. That is why I got emotional, because I do love many things about him, and specially that we could always talk about things, and the last time we met he was a perfect romantic and kind gentleman. Anyways is a long story, but I think this time I will just ignore his other profile and just go on with my life in the very best way possible, after all it is just facebook. May we all find what we are looking for! peace&love Taurus2

Anonymous said...

If write a message on that contact thing will it go to you?

Anonymous said...

HI Mirror of Aphrodite. I emailed you at your gmail account as my story is way too long for your blog.lol. Its title my Aries Man. I hope you can respond. Thanks in advance.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan. 22, 1:06PM,
Regretfully, I do not respond to email questions and there are a couple of reasons for this:

1) I spend approximately 2-3 hours a day responding to question posted on the blog

2) If I answered email questions, my time responding would be increased to 4-5 hours a day

3) It benefits other readers here to see the stories and responses posted, so that they can then apply whatever insights gained to their own situations. It's for the benefit of the entire community :-)

4) I grant the "anonymous" comment function to grant the peace of mind of anonymity

If the comment is too long, just place "Cont . ." at the end of the first one and post the remainder in a second comment :-)

Anonymous said...

Lord knows I’ve told this story more times than I care to count, but I’m honestly hoping you can shed some deeper insight on my relationship with this Aries man. For starters I just turned 24 this past September, and he’s about to be 22 in April. (April 23rd.) He has a Cancer Moon, and I have a Pisces Moon. I’m Libra sun, and He’s Aries sun. Not sure if this helps. He also has Taurus in venus, and I’m a leo in Venus.

Anyway we met when were about 6 or 7. His uncle married my aunt ( No relation to me). Nonetheless from the very first time he saw me he’s chased me. I mean we would go years without hearing from one another because we were kids, didn’t have cars to see each other or anything like that, but anytime our families gave a function it was public knowledge that he was plum crazy about me. I liked him too, but it just never got that deep for me when I was younger, because I never knew when I would see him again. He would always want to exchange numbers, and tell my cousins to tell me how much he liked me. Then just recently our mutual favorite cousin happen to move right around the corner from him. My mom and my aunt are super close to naturally I go visit this particular aunt very often because I’m most close to her. Aries would be over almost every day too because he’s close to our mutual cousin and he’s like a 2nd son to my aunt because Aries and her son are super close. We all are. Once we both started going over there a yr ago he chased me harder than he did when we were kids. Its crazy that he would pursue me but he was so shy around me. He admits it now that he was very shy, and had never been shy around a girl until me because I was older. I knew he was shy so I used to pick with him. Lol. Silly I know, but it was the only way I could get him to open up, by making him laugh and giggle. Before I knew he was basically an open book and so was I. I would go over my aunts soon just to see him. I was still dipping in and out on him because he openly admitted that he was dealing with someone but they weren’t official, my fam confirmed it so that was one reason for me not to let him in emotionally. Plus I liked someone else at the time, but I was smart enough not to tell my Aries that.

Anonymous said...

Continued: The way he would pursue me was by always asking me to come over my cousin house, or he would have my cousin call me to come over. We would all spend hours over there. It would be a bunch of us. Aries and I would fall asleep on the floor after talking for hours, usually until at least 2-3am in the morning. We would laugh and talk about everything we could think of, from love, marriage, to war world 3 and what I learned in school that day. Then I’d up and leave. He’d get all huffy and ask when I was coming back or when he would see me again, I’d never tell him because I was so busy I really didn’t know lol. One time he told me that he never wanted to go more than 2 days without hearing from me and that he wanted to see me at least once every day. He said he didn’t even have to be in the same room, but he wanted to see me. Crazy and cute I thought. Anything I wanted to talk about he seemed naturally into hearing it and sharing his opinion, these are the times when I started to fall in love. I noticed I could be myself with him my true self. I’m very goofy and stylish and smart. I’m independent, and I can be very smart at the mouth sometimes. I can also be moody, my Aries loved it all. Once I asked him if he could change anything about what would it be, he told me he loves everything about me. I’m the exact type of girl he would want to be with. One reason I didn’t entertain a serious relationship is he didn’t have a job or a car at the time and I had both. I didn’t want a man depending on me for everything. (been there done that) I wanted a man to be able to meet me half way. (Never told Aries this). Plus, he openly told me he wasn’t looking to be in a committed relationship for those 2 very important reasons. WOW right?! Well, it didn’t stop him from wanting to take our relationship to the next level if you know what I mean. This caused trouble. Don’t get me wrong, we’d get all the way to the point where I was bare below and so was he, passionate kissing holding, touching and then I’d stop him. Bad me, I know.

I was a complete no, for two reasons, we had never been on a real date yet, and the other is him not wanting to be a relationship yet, and like you said women do NOT have casual sex. Eventually we want more, I fit that category to a CAPITAL T and I told my Aries this. I never just lay with anyone, I’m very picky, and there has to be a connection. Well as you know Aries, are very physical and this did not sit well with him. At first I just waived him off. But after a while he would get real huffy and say “It’s about to be a yr later (which it was) and we still haven’t taken our relationship to the next level, I’m trying to have our relationship grow and you keeping it in the same spot.” At this point I went off on him. No one bosses me. I told him if he couldn’t respect my decision to wait to be intimate until we are official then he could step off and we don’t have to kick it anymore.

Anonymous said...

He didn’t respond at first, then he said he was sorry and he didn’t want to lose me or anything we’ve built and he was willing to wait. And so he did, for 3 more months (which is when I told him I love him, he didn’t say it back because he said he wanted to be sure that’s what he was feeling and that he doesn’t use the word lightly.) Out of embarrassment I told him to forget I said it, he said he didn’t wanna forget and he knows I mean it he just wants to mean it too. Eventually a month later I gave in physically. Its one yr later and we are in the same spot. He has a job a car, still lives at home and he’s staying out of trouble now. However when he was younger he got into trouble with the law a lot, and now he’s paying for it. He’s getting back on his feet, and wants to be able to take care of his woman he says. He’s always saying no one will get the spot of being his girl before me, but I don’t feel that way. Last yr I was with him every major holiday, now here it is Valentine’s Day is around the corner and I asked him if we could spend it together that Friday because Thursday (the day of) I have class plus he’s gets off house arrest on that day. He says he kind of had plans that Friday and Saturday with this being his first weekend off house arrest, and that we could work something out for Sunday. I told my home girl that I’m embarrassed for asking I want to tell him never mind about Sunday, or possible tell him I’ve change my mind and that he should be with his friends. She’s begging me not to, but I just feel I’m tired of things being on his terms. I feel if he didn’t know when he’s going to see me again, or when I’ll have time for him again, he’d make time for me on Friday even if it’s after he hangs out. The other bigger reason I wanna tell him no about Sunday, is I don’t even know for sure if he’s going to be with his boys or another girl. Granted I’ve spent a lot of time with him while he was on house arrest but I wasn’t there ALL THE TIME. So who knows right? It breaks my heart just thinking about it.

If your wondering if I’ve ever tried leaving I have, but every time I say I’m done and I think we should just forget about it and let it go so I wont get hurt, he says but I like you just as much as you like me, I like us. I don’t want to forget about our feelings, and I don’t want to forget you. I just need time. When he says it I believe him, he sounds so sincere, but other times I just wanna run in the opposite directions so I don’t get hurt. Please help. I’m soo terribly sorry for this long email. Thanks again.

Told you it was long. lol. Thanks Girl!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
This guy THINKS he wants a relationship, but he doesn't. He wants to do what he wants to do FIRST, and then squeeze you in where it suits him. Additionally, I imagine his idea of a relationship amounts to casual dating. Whereas your idea of a relationship amounts to real commitment and making someone else happy. Both of which I can tell he's not about to do.

He's in his early 20's. He's about to experience a "get out of jail free" card by being off house arrest - and he's going to make the most of it. THAT'S his priority right now, not a relationship.

He's trying to get you to do things his way, he wants this to be easy on him. And when it comes to men, no WORDS, only ACTION. They don't hear words. They transfer as "emotion" to men and they tune it out as nagging.

So instead of this:

"every time I say I’m done"

You do this:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/dating-when-why-how-use-no-contact-rule.html

And you make him deal with the consequences of his choices and decisions:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/how-to-say-no-dating-life-consequence.html

I know your girlfriend has your best intentions at heart. But if you listen to her - you're going to become this man's doormat - QUICK.

When you pull back on a man - they spring towards you. It's a fact. So if you want to draw him towards you - the way to do that is to pull away from him.

Watch the video in the "no contact" article I referenced in the first link I included here. That's a man singing about the VERY THING I'm talking about here.

He didn't realize what he wanted or needed - until he saw "the end."

You need to establish boundaries with men and you need to show them how you expect to be treated via you ACTIONS, not WORDS.

And as far as the Sunday of Valentine's day goes, it's HIS CHOICE NOT TO SPEND THE TWO MOST VALUABLE DAYS OF THAT WEEKEND WITH YOU.

Do NOT reward him for his poor treatment of you by making yourself available to him that Sunday. You have plans, you're busy that day. Whether you are or not. If you agree to this, you can bet your bottom dollar he's always going to place you low on his list of priorities.

"Never treat someone like your priority, while they're treating you like their option."

Word ;-)

Anonymous said...

Internet Crush:

Hi Mirror. So I've sort of developed a little crush on this guy on the internet. (Instagram actually) lol. I feel silly. He's soooo cute, and just the sweetest and funny guy. He's likes my pics and we've on said i few words to me. He found me. I dont wanna creep him out, ALOT of girls like him. He's friends with a friend of friend, well i'm sure you know it goes lol. Anyway, i dont want to put myself out there, but i want him to notice me. lol. But i dont want to fall into the groupie category because like i said alot of girls like him, he's never been rude to them even the ones thats aren't cute.lol. I dunno. Any advice on what you would do if it were you? I dont know him so i'm not head over heels but i do think he's cute.

Anonymous said...

HI MOA,

I read one of the post on here, dont know where she went, her name is MMO or something like that, but she told how she walked away from her Aries and she had to throw fear out of her heart in order to do it. When she said she removed it with "FU*K HIM" I damn near jumped out of my seat (i'm at work) to cheer her on!

It has been a year, and I've been so scared that if i left he'd give some other girl everything i ever i wanted. I'm the one you posted to at Jan 23rd 4:47pm yesterday (Valentines Day and whatnot)But her post and reading your other comments have completely changed my mind.

I am definitely turning him down on that Sunday. My friend and my cousin may not understand, but it has to be done. Whether we end up together or not, there's gotta be something better than this. With or without him. Thank MOA.

Anonymous said...

Hi mirror,

What are your thoughts on a Libra woman and an Aries Male?

I'm Libra sun with a pisces Moon and Leo in Venus. He's Aries sun with a Cancer Moon and Taurus in Venus if that helps.

Anonymous said...

One more thing Mirror,

(Valentine Day blues story again)lol. If and or whenever this Aries decides to call and see if we are still on for that sunday, how do you think i should word things? Should i tell him why i want this "whatever we have" to be done, or should i just drop off the face of the earth and let him figure it out?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@InternetCrush,
Hmm, I don't know about that one. Honestly, I'm not even sure he'd make a good boyfriend or even date. If he's receiving that much attention from other women online, how can ANY woman that's with him truly develop trust in him.

The answer to that is more than likely - she CAN'T.

And I don't believe in picking men. Meaning, yes I pick through men - that approach ME. I don't go out and literally pick a man to set my sights on and then pursue.

Because statistics show that women who enter into relationships with men that were attracted to them first - have a MUCH better chance at becoming a long term relationship.

But when a woman picks a man, he sleeps with her, then moves on, to PICK his woman.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan. 24, 4:14PM,
Aries and Libra are opposite signs on the Zodiac. Meaning, they have much to learn from one another - much to teach one another.

It can work, if both want it to, but it can also be short lived and go wrong:

http://www.llewellyn.com/journal/article/2156

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Valentine's Day Blues,
"If and or whenever this Aries decides to call and see if we are still on for that sunday, how do you think i should word things? Should i tell him why i want this "whatever we have" to be done, or should i just drop off the face of the earth and let him figure it out?"

Don't say anything "heavy." Don't share your emotions. You simply say, "Sorry, something came up and I'm not going to be able to make it."

That's it. You don't explain yourself and you don't answer to him. He's not your boyfriend or your husband. You say only that and you let him figure out the rest.

And if he pries to know exactly WHAT you're doing that day, you simply say, "I've already told you, something came up and I've made other plans."

That's IT.

You leave him with that thought - the wondering, the worrying - much like men do to women every single day.

Because it's those thoughts and that worry that have the best chance of snapping him out of taking you for granted. It's those worrying thoughts that make men realize they actually do care for a woman.

So you leave him with plenty to think about.

Anonymous said...

Im Aquarius female who is dealing with an aries man.. and when i tell u this has be the longest 2 n a half years of my life smh.. but he very selfish and arrogent.. im not the type to play games at all.. honesty i dont even know i how.. he plays too many to the fact i start believing everything i was in a dumb state of mind dealing with him even tho i kno im smart i just couldnt shake it i need to kno how do i reverse this and make it better for me?

Anonymous said...

i guess ill finish every detail.. in the begining everything was great thigs ive never experienced we started off as friends wit benfits never throught i would last two n half years. will thingd started going wrong i was always giving him things and being there when he needed me and that continue then he started doing disrespctful things and every trip i forgave him for all of it like everything just faded everything got boring we always into it he does reverse pyschlogy and make everything my fault i was the blame for everything even through i knew better i was in a dumb state of mind.i dont play games so what should i do?

Anonymous said...

Do Aries bother seeing a girl if he is completely done with her?

We had a fight last week he hasn't contacted me for 5 days so I contacted him and call him out on that and say if you are done I want a closure.

He says its best meeting for a closure, let's catch up for a coffee sometime next week as I'm very busy this weekend.

Have a good weekend (he called me by all the pet names he gave me)

I'm not worry about him bailing cos from my experience with him he always do what he says.

I'm just wondering if he is trying to be nice to meet up or he was hoping we can have another shot?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan. 25, 12:20PM,
"what should i do?"

Take control of your own happiness rather than passively settling and waiting for a man to grant it to you.

Read these pieces and begin to deliver consequences to this man for his actions towards you, hold him accountable for his treatment of you and set boundaries with him. If you don't do that and begin demanding some respect for yourself, then you're only going to have yourself to blame for the fact that you PERMIT him to treat you this way and take you for granted:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/how-to-say-no-dating-life-consequence.html

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/dating-when-why-how-use-no-contact-rule.html

Ask yourself? If your dog peed on the floor, would you reward the dog with attention and affection? No. You would deliver a consequence to the dog.

It works the same way for humans. When a human treats you poorly, you do not reward them with attention and affection and by making yourself available to them.

Positive treatment receives your attention and affection.

Negative treatment receives consequences.

That's how you demand respect for yourself, that's how you avoid being taken for granted and that's how you set boundaries :-)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Jan. 25, 5:04PM,
"I'm just wondering if he is trying to be nice to meet up or he was hoping we can have another shot?"

He's not meeting up because HE wants to. He's only doing that because you said "if you are done I want a closure."

As a result, I believe he's simply giving you what you've requested - or he's going to see if he can manipulate you into a "romp in the hay" here - in which case he will most likely then disappear all over again.

Anonymous said...

Hi love ur website!! I have a question or jus in need of advice...Im a Taurus been close friends with an aries..we have always had a flirty friendship and now we are becoming more intense.. But i know he is very manish in other words a player but he was always faithful to his gf..we always talk to one another about our relationship problems..but now we are kinda getting involved with each other..but my real question is how do i ease this into a good lasting relationship, because we are good friends and i dont want to mess that up ?? Please help..CONFUSED TAURUS!!!!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
Slow is the name of the game here. First of all, assuming he no longer has a girlfriend. If he still has a girlfriend, I would not advise this. Because a man that will cheat WITH you, will also cheat ON you.

Given that he's no longer in a relationship, hang back with him. Do not always make yourself available to him (Aries love a good challenge and enjoy the journey of the chase). And do not pursue him in any way.

Let him come to you and set the pace here. Slow and steady wins the race.

Anonymous said...

Iam taking it slow and no he doesn't have a gf . I just don't want to miss my chance by being to slow or hurt his ego ya know.. But thanks for advice

Anonymous said...

Mirror of Aprhodite,

You are so amazingly awesome! This site gives me a little extra peace of mind and strength. Of course what brought me here was my own Aries male issue. To sum my little story up, I, Gemini woman, laid eyes on him, Aries male, and had the oddest feeling of knowing and familiarity, a feeling unlike anything I'd ever known. "Do I know him?" I asked myself constantly for months, knowing that I had not met him in this life. As the months rolled by and our paths crossed, I'd find myself peeking at him and he'd be peeking at me to see if I was peeking at him. Not long after I'd first laid eyes on him, I saw him at the mall with a woman and sadly assumed he was married. Finally, about six months later I found that whenever I was near to him in proximity, I became emotional and would begin to cry. I was very baffled by this and at first did not know he was the cause of my emotional outpouring. It took several instances of being near him and experiencing this phenomena that I finally realized that it was him causing this emotional response. Finally, I'd decided enough of the staring games....I would at least speak to him and once I did, it was on like gangbusters.

Anyway, he was so constant and on me, that I could barely keep up. In fact, he scared me a little with his intensity so I did an initial back-off. In my experiences with him, he very early on would issue ultimatums. I would ignore them of course. He did that to me twice and both times I either ignored him or cut him off relationally. We had another upset where he was texting an on-off "friend". He apologized for his behavior which was fueled by intoxication but I felt that continuing with him was like co-signing on his behavior and that worse behavior would surely result from this event. I proceeded to leave him alone. He called and texted a few times with no response from me and then I gathered that he thought that he would teach me a lesson about not calling/responding to him by not contacting me. After one month, he texted to know why I'd shut him down. Instead of ignoring his question, I responded to him with words laced in love although I made no other moves towards him.

Three months later I was no better. I still missed him the same as I had at the beginning. It got no better. I ran into him twice, with the first time being able to steer clear although I was just happy to see him. The second time I said "hello" because we were at first on gym floor with people all about and then the people seemed to clear out just like the parting of the Red Sea. It was so strange. I then merely said hello and he grabbed me into the huge hug and tears that I did not know were there filled my eyes.

Kokmah - continued.....

Anonymous said...

continued from Kokmah:

He moved us very quickly and me, of course, back to his bed. I did not listen to that voice that said I needed to make him slow down. Needless to say, he is back at the games which started weeks and weeks ago. I think I was not showing him enough needing of him. One day he text me at 4 in the morning while preparing for work and uses to words that threw me. He referred to me as a stud and at the end of the email he called me buddy. I was very baffled and yet I found that it cracked me up. I was very slow to respond and when I did, I asked what a stud was and to the comment about "thanking me for being in his life buddy", I said that is what friends are for. Well, apparently that is not the response he was looking for and proceeded to tell me that I was being mean. Now, I was just downright confused after that. It made me cry (not in front of him, though). Then I realized it! It was straight game. When I played his game, he did not like it. It upset him. I ended up reassuring him of my affection I suppose but the games continued. Our last "quarter" came on the heels of the friend comment that he brought up yet accused me of upsetting him by saying it. I did not bring it up, however. He did. I just laughed and said yeah, BFFs. I teased him two days later by jokingly asking him if he was texting his real GF and this is when he let me know how much I'd upset him the two days prior with the friend comment (that I never actually made). He told me that I was going to learn. As he was walking away, he said "call me." I was soooooo confused. I made the mistake of calling just a few minutes after that. He did not respond and I did not like that. I liked even less that my voice broke as I was leaving a message, indicating hot emotion and tears. I quickly hung up the phone. This was a week ago. I've since changed my phone number and quit my little part-time job at the gym to keep myself away from him.

Aries men are a mess! I thought this man was my soul mate, my Twin Flame, but his qualities are perplexing and draining. It hurts to try and leave him but it hurts to remain. I guess I will see him in Heaven. I have to look at it this way. It is so sad yet so necessary.

Again, your site gives me strength and I am thankful for your insightful and loving responses. In a world where people are so damaged and hurtful towards one another, receiving kindness and loving support is so necessary. It makes me cry to read the sad stories of people's lives on this site and on others. Digging for more love inside myself seems to be the only thing I can do for myself and those around me. Thank you again!

AnonWoman said...

Hey Mirror,

You know I told you my Aries ex (yep, likes a challenges, mind games) viewed my business profile on the anniversary of the day we met, do you think this is a game?

Given I kinda, 75% of the time, initiated contact with him after we ended, and now I've cut off totally for 9 weeks today, that him viewing my profile was not reckless on his part but a deliberate action on his part, to get me to contact him again?

As I said before, he knew that I would see his view as it shows up in newsfeeds. I have not viewed him back.

I mean, clearly he is at least feeling sentimental isn't he.

It's whether he makes a move though, is what I am wondering....whether he misses me enough to do that, when he sees I won't be contacting him...or if he was just looking and feeling sentimental.

Best,
Virgo

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@AnonWoman,
Well there's really no way to tell what was going on in his mind at the time, be it simple curiosity, sentimentality or otherwise.

Only time will tell.

AnonWoman said...

Hmmmm yeah. If it was "simple curiosity" then his action was reckless, because of all the thoughts I've had about it. On the other side of the coin, I was touched he looked me up on our anniversary.

I want him to hurry up and contact me as firstly I miss him and love him, but secondly, he taught me some lessons, and now I want my chance to teach HIM a lesson, before I take him back.

Wishful thinking, but you never know!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Kokmah,
" I think I was not showing him enough needing of him."

No - men DO NOT like needy, clingy women. Particularly Aries men. Aries men love a challenge and they love "the chase." It's usually the woman that wants nothing to do with the Aries - that the Aries wants to be with.

"He referred to me as a stud and at the end of the email he called me buddy."

He was attempting to toy with your head and your emotions there, hoping to make you feel insecure and worried.

"Well, apparently that is not the response he was looking for and proceeded to tell me that I was being mean."

Exactly. Because the truth is, HE was being mean there, and he KNEW it. The reaction he was attempting to receive was one of tears, pleading and crying. He wanted to HURT YOU. Not a good man, sweetie.

"Then I realized it! It was straight game."

Exactly. Manipulation.

"He told me that I was going to learn."

Careful. He's out to HURT you.

"he said "call me." I was soooooo confused. I made the mistake of calling just a few minutes after that. He did not respond and I did not like that."

See what I mean? He's a head tinkerer and an insecure guy that likes to hurt women by pushing emotional buttons and making them feel insecure. He wants a woman to plead, beg and cry - so that he can reject her and feel like a man.

And that's EXACTLY what he did there.

"Digging for more love inside myself seems to be the only thing I can do for myself and those around me."

It's the BEST thing you can do for yourself. Be kind to yourself and love yourself. If you do that, weak and insecure men such as this Aries can NEVER break your spirit ;-)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

And THAT story right there by Kokmah, ladies . . is precisely the reason that I cannot tolerate Aries for anything other than friendship.

And even then it's a struggle, LOL ;-)

So to you women out there with Aries men as partners - kudos to you gals, I don't know how the hell you do it. But hey . . . better you than me, LOLOLOL!!!

Because let me tell you, when an Aries and a Taurus decide to go up against one another, it ain't pretty.

The little ole' ram beats, beats, beats his head against the Taurus, attempting to bring the bull to it's knees.

And the Taurus smiles and keeps the snickers hidden from view - and never moves one damn inch ;-)

And the ram finally realizes - you can't push a bull, you can't pull a bull - you can't make a bull do anything it doesn't want to do.

And that's ONE time when typical Taurus stubbornness is actually an asset (a positive) - and not a liability (a negative), LOL ;-)

AnonWoman said...

@Kokmah,


"....laid eyes on him, Aries male, and had the oddest feeling of knowing and familiarity, a feeling unlike anything I'd ever known."

"I thought this man was my soul mate"

Maybe you were married to him in a past life, or had an affair with him in a past life, and the marriage/affair went bad.

Maybe you hurt him in the past life, and this is just karma and the natural order of things. Or maybe you are simply repeating the past, as it was before - him being controlling and you walking away.

If you had such a strong feeling about this man, chances are you met in a past life and it was unfinished business.

Anonymous said...

Well, Ms. Mirror, I do not know if we were married or whatever in a past life but something beyond the naked eye exists. I used to cry whenever we made love and then the days thereafter I would have that pregnant feeling. It felt like life was inside of me which could not technically be possible since years ago he'd had a vasectomy. A composite of our charts say that our relationship has a fated quality to it and that the pain of separation would be nearly unbearable. I can attest to that but I guess leaving him once before was not enough for him to "get it."

In Esoteric Astrology, his quality to overcome is anger, and the lesson for him to learn in life is to love. As a Gemini, mine is to overcome restlessness (mostly overcome) and to learn "control of the mind" which is a work in progress. So, I feel that through him I will learn "control of the mind" and perhaps through me, he just might learn what real love is.

Thank you for noticing quickly that he is a gamer. I left out quite a few significant points about his behavior. Even recently as two weeks ago, he asked me to come over (at 8:00pm)right on the heels of my telling him that my 4 y.o. would be on a TV show on TLC at 9pm. I could not believe that he would do that. I did not even know how to respond. He asked me if it was too short of notice. I did not even respond until way later because I thought "how ridiculous!"

My "feelings" for him are way beyond anything I could dream up. Once I awakened from sleeping and experienced uncontrollable crying during a time when nothing was wrong in the relationship. Another time, I called him on the phone and burst into uncontrollable laughter for no reason. I wasn't even talking to him. It was voicemail and I had to call back two more times, fighting back the hysterical laughing just to try and say I'd call later when I could manage a sentence.

As far as past life Karma and hurting him, I could not really even guess. I'm very sensitive. Empathic, in fact. And if I did hurt him, then a turning of the tables would be highly appropriate. Since my Ascendant indicates that my past life was about living through my marriage with a heavy dependence on it, I think that perhaps this life is about independence. I've never been married. I've been asked but once a person has shown an abuse of power by careless mistreatment of me, my ability to trust them with my heart fades as well. I cannot tolerate abuse or unnecessary harshness from people. I think that we, in general, are experiencing a veil of forgetfulness that keeps us from remembering that we should love one another. If not love, modest respect will do.

And, you are right, he was trying to upset me by calling me buddy. I knew that. I didn't try to turn it back on him on purpose. I just said that I would just go with it, and say whatever he said. He was probably really upset that one day more so because he saw a man talking to me and because I did not wait for him or call him immediately upon leaving the gym. He said I really upset him but I know it couldn't be the BFF agreement comment. He didn't even appear upset on the day this stuff occurred which was another reason I was baffled. I guess I will just have to see him in Heaven.

Thank you, again. ~ Kokmah

Anonymous said...

She cried everytime she saw him before she even knew him. If i were him i'd run. I'm sorry but she sounds wayyyyy too emotional for me and i'm a damn Libra.

Anonymous said...

"Chokes my cola" Did you just say soul mates in a past life. Oookay, can we all keep our feet planted on the ground. WTH

Anonymous said...

Hi There Mirror,

I’m writing to you with not the best spirits. I’m ashamed to say I’m the girl that wrote about my Aries and wanting to spend Valentine ’s Day and how he pushed it back to Sunday and all. (I know you read a zillion stories a day) so I hope you remember me.

Anyway, that was about 3 weeks ago and I haven’t heard from him since. The last time we went this long without speaking was on my terms. Heck, maybe this is on my terms too, because I’ve purposely not texted or called him. However this is no 30 day rule or anything, I really want to let this man go. I’ve read the post on here, I’m very wise in my own mind and I know its in my best interest to let go. I’m almost in tears while writing you because…well I fell in love by myself in this case or at least that’s how I feel. He used to look at me with a glow. I’m not joking, seriously. He used to look at me and make me feel like I just brightened up his whole day just by walking in the room. It felt like magic between us, I mean it. And without sex. I felt so special when people would tell me how passionate he would be when he spoke of me which was ALL the time. I told my cousin he doesn’t make me feel that way anymore, the magic is gone. She says, it sounds like he was in love. She believes I can get it back. But I’m not even so sure anymore. I think if he wanted me then that’s how it would be.

I know I have no one to blame but myself and the crazy part is I’ve been hurt way worse than this before. My ex (horrible sagg) was a nightmare on legs. This Aries was honest, and I just…I don’t even know. I know he did not set out to hurt me intentionally, but the things that really messing me up is I predicted that this is how things would go between us from the beginning. This is why I held out on him for yrs without ever giving him a shot. I even told him time and time again, I’ve tried talking to him, and I’ve even tried leaving but he’d always “Say” things, and even “do” things to get me to stay, and I wanted to be wrong about my prediction so bad because I loved him so much that now, I just feel stupid because I feel I could’ve prevented it.

Anonymous said...

continued...

I’m sorry to sound like grey cloud, but I don’t even feel comfortable talking to my family about this because some of my family is mutual with him. I’ve been praying and asking God that if I must get over him, that can he wipe away my feelings for him so when the times comes and he’s with someone else I wont feel a thing, because right now it would rip my heart in two because he’s always said he didn’t want to be with anyone right now, and if he did it would be with me. I don’t know how much truth there is to those words, but I never believe that statement from guys because it seems so complicated. Men either want you as their woman or they don’t in my opinion. They are simple like that.

Nonetheless like I said, I’ve dealt with break-ups. I go through the motions, I take the situation for what it is, and then I start a self-healing process which consist of wiping out all text messages, photos, anything that reminds me of the person. I call it “Cleaning house”. Then I stay away from places where I know I may see them, at least until I’m emotionally able to handle their presence. But with this, its different Mirror (Sad face) so very different. My worst fear is that I’ll be at a family function, and in he walks with a girl. And I just see myself walking out the function, and then driving off with tears streaming down my face. I’m so scared that I don’t even want to go around that side of my fam until I’m over him. Lately this is the first time I’m actually coming out with my feelings about all this. Lately I’ve been trying to stay busy and not think about it, but truthfully, honestly I don’t know how to not think about it.

Your thoughts are appreciated. Thanks again.

Anonymous said...

"Wait to see him in heaven" Is he about to die or something? I'm not trying to be funny but foreal? Or is this just a figure of speech? I'm just curious.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Feb. 5, 4:11PM,
There's nothing I or anyone else can say to make this magically go away.

We all have to walk through our pain, sweetie. It is what it is. And when you come out the other side of it, you're stronger for it.

Just take the journey and walk through it. You really have no other choice.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Anonymous Feb. 5, 5:40PM,
LOL . . are you a woman or a dude? You seem baffled by the expression of emotion so I'm leaning towards the fact that you're a man.

But then again, you may be a woman with a sense of humor. I don't mean to laugh at anyone's heartache here - and I'm not - but I AM laughing at the fact that someone here is COMPLETELY befuddled by the emotions being expressed here, LOL ;-)

If it ends up that you're a dude - I'm gonna' lose it and fall off my chair cracking up, LOL!!

Anonymous said...

To the anonymous folks who commented on my expression, let me just say that I forgot that the average person has difficulty grasping certain things in life. I saw the comments about "seeing him in Heaven" and crying before I knew him. Seriously, the crying before I knew him had me mystified and I am a caring and educated woman. On the other hand, if you can't relate to an emotional response, don't worry about it. As far as seeing him in Heaven, what you don't understand in life you may understand in Heaven. It's about seeing the big picture. No, he's not about to die. Try to think in metaphors and simile. Geesh people, expand your heart a little or at least your mind....LOL!

~ Kokmah

Anonymous said...

I get that you’re exploring the positives and negatives, and not sugar coating things… But (coming from an aries female) a lot of this is very negative and I think you’re misinterpreting some things. Aries are not heartless like you imagine them to be. To the contrary, we are very emotional, sensitive people. It’s not that we have huge egos and want to be worshipped… It makes me really sad to hear that actually. Aries are huge softies inside… Always scared that no one likes them, and that no matter what they do, everyone else is better than them. Yes, aries do love attention. It reaffirms our sense of self-worth, as sad as it is to say. When people ignore me, I feel very hurt and take it very personally. I am always worried that I’ve said or done something wrong, or that I’m being too forward or upsetting other people. Aries are always trying to prove their worth. What we desire is to be desired and feel valued by others. It’s not that we want to be treated like a celebrity or worshipped like a god… It’s just that we want to feel loved, and worthy, and equal to others. We have crazy inferiority complexes and unimaginable amounts of insecurity. What we want in a relationship most of all is passion and elaborate displays of love and desire. We are filled with a raging fire of emotions we need to express, and we are generally very honest people. We do like to play, and we love people who are fearlessly playful. I don’t mean this as an attack or a challenge of your thoughts… I mean if that’s the way you see aries people… people in general for that matter… that’s legitimate. It’s your perspective. But it really upset me to read this. I think you misunderstand aries people a lot.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. On this one, I guess we'll just agree to disagree, LOL.

You see, you're an Aries woman - VERY different from an Aries man. Women and men display their energy in completely different manners.

Women accept:

"I feel very hurt and take it very personally"

While men project (to overcompensate for their shortcomings):

"A macho type that perceives himself as a knight in shining armor."

So I'm not sure why this upset you to read it when it doesn't apply to Aries female.

If you'd like a breakdown of both of the signs and a new perspective on the zodiac - 12 signs instead of 24 - read the book Sextrology. It's one book that covers the differences in the display of energy via male versus female very well.

Additionally, keep in mind that how people tend to view themselves - IS NOT how the rest of the world generally perceives them. People on the outside can only see what is projected - not what's going on in your head ;-)

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

My bad . . I meant to say 24 signs instead of 12. Not "12 signs instead of 24."

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I wrote the comments about the crying when you saw them. No i'm not a man, but its funny you should mention that i sound like one. My friends tell me that sometimes when i give them advice. I dont mean to sound masculine, i've cried over dude before dont get me wrong BUT, not if i dont even know him. It just sounds weird to me. But i guess thats just her. Then you have people like "Oh well you'll see him in heaven, and maybe you were soul mates in a past life" 0_0 yes, that one made me laugh. You see stuff like that in those old pre-historic shakespear type of stuff in my opinion. But again to each's own.


I still cant believe she was crying over him before she met him. That's still crazy to me.

Anonymous said...

What is crazy to one person, isn't to another! And it depends where they are in life. I don't think she had cried before with other men, this was a one off by my reckoning.

We are all crazy people now and again. Life would be DULL and BORING otherwise, no?!! And the good thing about this site is, it is a forum to confidentiality express our craziness and learn from it. Not that I am saying in the example you gave, that the lady crying before she met him was crazy, as I don't think it was.....

As long as you evolve and change eh.

Ciao chickadee / She male ;-D.

Anonymous said...

So true about an aries,i dated an aries man for 8years,at first i was so not interested,but he was the hunter and he gave chase,untill i gave in,once he saw that,he totally changed,he became selfish,agressive,demanding,controling,insensitive,rude and manipulative,we have a three year old son,and we just recently broke up,for the 4th time,and all those times before he always came back,begging,because during those break-ups i never called him,so this time,i am not even sure what will happen,i told him exactly how i felt,and how selfish,rude he is,i just went bam,oh he is such a mommy's boy.

I am also a very stubborn aries woman,we both born towards the end of march.I am so exhausted.

Anonymous said...

LOL. "Sheman" because I dont understand crying over a man you dont know? Okay i guess i'll take that. I didn't say she was crazy i said the act seems crazy and IF i were a guy emotional fits like that would prolly run me away.

Secondly, you are yelling in your comments BECAUSE?! You need to chill the fuc out. lol

Anonymous said...

I know this Aries girl, for 20 years now, she calls me her best friend, and she is the one coming in and out of my life all the time wanting to know what I am up too and all, ( I am a Taurus girl and no we are not lesbians) anyways I found after Facebook came along that she calls almost everyone their best friends when she wants something from them or whenever she feels she can kind of shine throu them. She is sweet and warm , but when things don´t go her way , you are no longer her best friend and her sweetness changes into Cruella de Biatch de Lux LOL. I am always gone when she is Cruella, but I know of other people she hurt really bad. What I like about her is that she is so transparent about it, for better or for worst , a real Drama Queen. What I´ve learn from her is life is too short to not play with it a bit, and have some fun, nd learn to take chances, therefore I don´t mind being her best friend among her other hundreds of best friends, just for the fun of it LOL ;-D

cont....

I have also been madly in love with Aries men, and it always end up in them coming after me, cause whenever they had pulled my Taurus Horns hahaha you know Olé!!! My point is I like Aries people, and of course Aries men and women are different but they both have that fire..... <3

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous @ February 7, 2013 at 8:34 p.m.,

I feel compelled to tell this story one more time since there seems to be confusion. It's like this: I encountered Aries male in the Summer prior for the very first time. My first impression was an intense "Do I know him?" I felt so strongly that I knew him but I knew that it had to be impossible. I don't forget people that easily. I saw him in passing quite a bit for about 6 to 9 months around 6 a.m. usually or Saturdays at the gym. We never spoke but there was always eye contact. I'd never been close to him in proximity but on the first occasion when I was physically near him, I felt overcome with emotion and was very weirded out. I had no idea why I was having the experience or what sparked it. It happened a second time and the only common denominator was him, so I concluded that there was something about him that was causing me to have an emotional response. As a Master's level student of psychology, my first thought was that it was a fear response. I laughed about it as the thought came into my mind. Shortly thereafter, we introduced ourselves to one another. The emotions were not just my own. His heart raced like crazy when we were near. He was emotional too, but he is a man so he's not typically going to confess such a thing.

For the person who doesn't get it, why would you, especially if you've never had such an experience? Not only am I not crazy, I am super reserved and can typically take people or leave them. This experience was once in a lifetime and relates to no other experience I've ever had. He was a 50 year old man and I was 45.

I'd never believed the stories I'd heard people say about love at first sight or of having that super strong feeling of knowing someone although they were a relative stranger, yet there I was having that experience.

I hope that clears it up. No one needs to chill out but just because you've never had the experience, do not put down someone who has. No one is crazy, either, except for maybe him. (-;

~ Kokmah

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Feb. 7, 7:31PM,
I have MANY Aries friends . . too many, LOL. There are at least 6 Aries men in my life that have been in my life for years.

But I don't date them, LOL ;-)

They're wonderful friends and we have love/hate relationships I guess you could say. They love to hate me - and I hate to love them, LOL. But amazingly, we get along pretty well. I make them think and look at themselves in the mirror and they like to tinker and toy with me and try to push my buttons.

It's all rather entertaining, LOL.

They're not bad people and there is someone for everyone out there. Some folks are better cut out to deal with certain personalities of others and as far as love relationships go, Aries get along well with other Aries, Gemini's, Sags and Leo's.

And realize, what's being discussed here in this piece is the portion of their personality that I don't see being discussed in other online profiles - which all tend to be warm and fuzzy, peaches and cream types of profile descriptions.

I feel that we've heard and read those a million times over - so I chose to differentiate myself a bit by providing a different perspective and a different focus on my observations here - which by the way - I tend to be misunderstood and slammed for rather regularly, LOL ;-)

Anonymous said...

This description fails to factor in an Aries male suffering from Asperger's Syndrome. Most of the social behaviors that were elaborated upon are void when the Aries male is not social at all. I would say I fit 50% of what was mentioned but as far as emotionally hurting a woman, I would never do that and for a self absorbed Aries...I have a very low self esteem. That puts a twist on a rather accurate portrayal from my perspective.

Scotland said...

To Anonymous Aries woman going out with Aries Man born late March
From February 7, 2013 at 6:29 AM

Interesting story. Did he end it each of the times that you didn't call him....and then he comes running back begging you to go back with him? Or did you end it every one of the four times?

How long did each break last?

Anonymous said...

Aries men are not worth the trouble.. Selfish needy ego inflated idiots..Why anyone would even want to keep a chase up with these thrill seeking shallow fools is beyond me... The wind blows and they are gone.. Nobody will ever be as good as they think they are..You wanna be a somebodys fool..date an Aries male

Anonymous said...

So I got involved with a Aries Man... I'm leo. Hated him at first, everything about him got under my skin. It's been fun and exciting and moved fast. been together about 5 mths. We use to work together when he was laid off 2 weeks ago. He's having a hard time with it and I am trying to be supportive. Lately, I feel like he is pushing me away. He texted less often and he is so focused on finding work that he wont take time out for even a quick visit. The other day he texted he loved and missed me. I haven't heard that in 2 weeks. I told him I thought I had lost him. He said temporarily you do... I don't want to push or be to much. I want to give him his space to focus on his career.. How can I let him know I'm here without being too much. I text him when he textes. once inwhile will do thinking of you text. Yesterday, I didn't get a text all day, so last night I got Hey stranger, hope you had a good day.. I feel like I cant win. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous Feb. 10, 2:58PM,
"How can I let him know I'm here without being too much."

Give him the space and time he needs. Don't contact him, let him contact you.

"I didn't get a text all day, so last night I got Hey stranger, hope you had a good day."

That's fine. Let him come to you. If he makes quips about it, so be it. Give him the space he's asked for and before you know it, he'll be wondering what's going on.

And when he asks, you simply remind him that he asked for space, and that because you care about him, you gave him what he's asked for.

Don't fall for those typical Aries ploys "Hey stranger." They love to tinker with a woman's heads, hearts and emotions. Blow it off and ignore it. He's tinkering with you and it may be because he's frustrated right now over his personal situation.

Ignore it and let him come to you.

AnonWoman said...

Leo going out with Unemployed Aries man,

You have him. He texted you saying he loved you and missed you. He is also being honest saying you have temporarily lost him as he can't focus fully on you as he is focusing fully on finding a pay check. He just needs to concentrate on his career. Men need a reason in life to live and their career is their calling card. Nightmare for a man not to have the funds to provide too. They wander what they can give a woman.

So just be positive rather than negative (no more I thought I'd love you's :0)

Just bide it out....I wouldn't show too much support...perhaps the odd "I'm here for you" if he shows he needs you, if you doesn't show he needs you during the difficult time regarding his career, I wouldn't say much more than you usually would.

Key thing is be careful not to over support him and mother him. I did this with an Aries man that was having a life crisis problem, and he went further and further away from me and we never got back to where we were.

Looking back, I should have kept the focus on me. Hope you can learn from my mistake.

That's my two cents worth anyway! Good luck! You'll be fine with him, I am pretty sure you've your head screwed on and just follow Mirror's advice as she is 99.9% always right!!!

Alana said...

@Leo w/ Unemployed,

I completely second AnonWoman's post here - in fact, I'd even put his confidence back in him by saying something like, "You're a smart guy, I'm sure you'll find something better" or "I'm sure you'll figure it out" etc. Guys prefer that women *believe* in them than helping them solve their problems.

Then I'd give him space and distance to go do that - like MOA and AnonWoman said.

-Alana

AnonWoman said...

Leo going out with Unemployed Aries man,

TYPO: (no more I thought I'd love you's = actually meant = No more I thought I'd LOST you's) :-)

Anonymous said...

Hei MAO!

I am the Taurus sista that blocked the Aries guy on FB almost one month ago(when I was an emotional wreck) the thing is a friend that can see his profile told me he can see he has not deleted my business page from his profile, and that made me somehow think he´ll be back...anyways I am writing this because I miss him like crazy, and it entered my mind to unblock him, but then I asked my self, why make it easy on him? and what kind of message will I send him if he discovers that I did unblock him? Here I am again, not hurt anymore...or here I am again come hurt me ones more…?

I just wish things were different, but I guess if he missed me he will not let my blocking keep him away.

I just need some moral support here, even when in my heart I know I must keep NC, and just move on, I FEEL THIS STUPID URGE to do something. but at the same time I feel I deserve better too. It´s been two months now...
and I was listening to Sade love is stronger than pride….made me cry like a baby…

But I will keep NC, no matter what.Thank you again MOA for having this wonderful and helpful blog!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

@Anonymous,
LOL, well. .that's one of the reasons that I often suggest women not to take action on something when they're in an emotional state. Because often, it leads to regret.

But regardless, the action has been taken and at this point, I wouldn't take any further action. Because if you start this sort of back and forth thing with your actions, honestly, it'll only confuse you more and you'll get sucked back into the vortex of confusion and indecision.

Let your focus remain on yourself for the time being - if that's where it's being directed - you can't go wrong :-)

Peter said...

@MOA and the Ladies

"I often suggest women not to take action on something when they're in an emotional state"

I’m going to introduce you to a concept here that was supported by research into jury studies, sales, sports advertising and many more areas. It’s based around "deciding emotionally then justifying logically”. I will elaborate on this I feel important to understand what can happen when you get into that emotional state.

It ties into a lot of the suggestions I end up giving to my female friends who in the early stages of dating and in a relationship already. As it’s never entirely the case that a guy can simply "take only what you give him" because that cuts out the emotional side. Some of the lowest and most manipulative men will go for that emotional weak point on you every time they can find it. The key is you don't give them that chance.

Here's what I tell my female friends:

1-Set boundaries as early as possible. You know this but as I'm going to point out it’s not enough just in itself.

2-OBSERVE everything he does OVER TIME. Use the 3 date rule or whatever to draw this period out. Just take your time. Quite a few men "take what you give" and reason your behaviour "into" signs of interest to justify them pushing onto you. It’s like this "ok we can meet but only as friends"..."ok we can do that I respect your decision(but really you're meeting me so you obviously want me)" See in brackets there what can be going on in his head? Why you need to be careful. It’s that same process that happens when you say hello and he thinks he's "in with you" because you said hello first.

3-The last part is and this is very important you must look for signs of emotional commitment FROM HIM FIRST. I would say if you don't get this after 3 to 6 months more than likely it won’t happen. As man I don't like women to say "I love you" first. This is a man’s job he should have the courage to put himself out there. For one it shows he has the courage to do that whether you love him or not. Also for me I don't like to give any lady I'm with any doubts of my feelings or compromise her in anyway. I hope you understand what I'm getting at there. Although I am probably alone or in the company of few men in terms of my beliefs on that.



Peter said...

Cont...

I tell them to be strict on it and don't "give" on that emotional level TO FAST. Again don't expect men to just take what you give them. Do give yourself that back up that is your own observation and gut feel

If you don't guard your emotions you could easily end up used by a player who knows all of your emotional weak points. What happens when he pushes your buttons is the following.... You are stimulated on an "emotional" level and so will decide emotionally already before even thinking about what the right decision is. You then justify this with logic no matter how stupid that logic sounds later on. This is exactly the same for you when you emotionally commit to a man. You become open to that trick of manipulation.

In relationships that concept shows itself in ways like this "oh he can me feel so loved when he’s ok so I know he never means to lash out I make him lose his temper I can be demanding it’s my fault really"...."well I know he does love me and he is only bad when he drinks so it’s not that bad" can you see what you have there? You are justifying his bad treatment of yourself. It won’t matter what you give him because he knows you will do the same next came. You're then finding reasons yourself to support him doing more than you let him.

I had a very good friend come of a relationship recently and the process above is exactly who it was. She justified to herself his bad treatment and self-destructive behaviour. She was left an emotional shadow of the fine lady she was. He played her every time on that emotional level. Those examples of statements above in that last paragraph are exactly the type of reasons she used for staying with him.

Anonymous said...

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/02/10-things-i-find-sexy-in-a-woman-that-have-nothing-to-do-with-looks-damien-bohler/

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