Experiences With An Aries Male

I'm a female Taurus and I'll be honest, every new friend, male or female, I seem to make over the years is . . . you guessed it, an Aries.

It's a funny thing and many say that Aries, in particular, seem to be inexplicably drawn to Taurus folks. Anyone who is versed in mythology knows that Ares (Aries), the God of War, and the Goddess Aphrodite, a.k.a the Goddess Venus (planetary ruler of Taurus), bore a child together - Cupid. Being familiar with the Aries personality, many times I can't help but think it's because they underestimate the Taurus personality and tend to think Taurus is someone who will put up with them - and their giant egos, both male and female.

Anyone who truly knows the Aries personality realizes that I didn't just insult them there. Many an Aries will readily admit that it's all about them and this is especially true for the Aries male.

A previous post about experiences with a Taurus male has generated so much interest and discussion that I thought it'd be fun to explore the world of the Aries. But first, I'd like to note that I'm going to tread into some murky waters here and before all you Aries that are in denial begin to bash me for it, let me just say that I know plenty of wonderful Aries, men and women both. So as you continue to read this, please keep that in mind.

The Aries Male

The Aries male is a "mans man" for sure. A macho type that perceives himself as a knight in shining armor. If you ever hear a damsel in distress wailing for assistance, you can be sure that the men charging towards her are going to mainly consist of the Aries breed. And why is this you ask? My opinion is that it's because of their inflated sense of self. In their mind, if they rescue that damsel, she'll be so thankful for him having done so, she'll place him on that pedestal that he feels he so deserves.

You see, Aries men love nothing more than to be the center of someone's universe. Err, let me correct that. The Aries man loves nothing more than to be the center of - the entire universe. And for those of you close to an Aries male, I'm sure you can agree with that statement and your Aries man, most likely, will too. Aries men carry quite the sense of entitlement and many will readily admit to "deserving" things. Especially anything that they feel they've worked hard for. And work hard they do. The Aries male is no slouch. They like to enjoy the finer things in life and they aren't afraid to work for them. As a result of this tenacity and determination, the Aries man is generally a successful man - and they aren't shy about that. They love to hear themselves talk - about themselves and their successes.

You know the old Charlie Brown cartoons? Remember how it would sound when the teacher would speak? "Wah, wah, wah." That's what the Aries male generally hears when others are speaking - nothing but background noise. But when it comes his turn to steal the floor, and steal the floor they will, the spotlight comes on.

If dating an Aries man, on his good days, you'll encounter quite the gentlemen. He prides himself on this but watch out ladies! Aries men are quite the charmers. He'll be happy to have you by his side, he may lather you up with plenty of wonderful compliments and he'll always pick up the tab. After all, he's "the man." The Aries male will watch out for you, he'll defend your honor, and he'll open doors for you. But there's a price to pay for all of this - and that is that you will be his and only his.

Aries men can go so far with this entitlement behavior that you may find yourself unable to have a friendly conversation with any other male on the planet - ever. Psychopathic behavior and furious rage may ensue and when it does, don't make the mistake of confusing this with jealousy. It's about the competition and beating rivals, it has nothing to do with you. And beware, many an Aries man loves to compete with his best bud for a gal, especially if his best bud really likes her. When this happens, once again, it's not about the gal, it's about the competition. It's simply to prove who the better man is and many Aries men can be downright man-whores.

And ladies, when the Aries male rings your phone, you'd better answer and you'd better make yourself available to him. You could be meeting with the Pope and it wouldn't matter - your Aries man had better come first. These guys need lots of attention, from you and from the rest of the world. You see, he's the superstar in his universe and you'd better be his biggest fan at all times, or someone else will move into your worshipping position and right quick.

And my last point leads me into those murky waters I referenced earlier. What's worse than an Aries not receiving the attention that they feel so deserving of? Absolutely nothing!

Being the first sign of the zodiac, you can liken the Aries personality to the babies of the zodiac. Watching an irritated Aries man act out is like watching a two year old throw a temper tantrum. It's like that old saying, "The bigger the man, the harder the fall." This is particularly true for the Aries male.

Aries Male Game Playing and Story Telling

Which leads me to my next point concerning the Aries personality in general, male and female alike - game playing. Just as children love to play games, so does the Aries persona.

As a matter of fact, it's admittedly one of their favorite ways to pass the time. It's almost as if the world exists simply for their entertainment and everyone in it is a character that can be easily manipulated by them for their own enjoyment.

Many times, without giving any thought to the fact that these people they're toying with are human beings, with real feelings. They don't mean to be mean, it's just that they're so caught up in their own world all the time, they don't ever seem to take much time to consider others.

All the Aries head games we're about to delve into won't come as a shock if you understand astrology. You see, their body rulership is that of the head. Eyes, ears, mouth, brain. So it comes as no real shock that head games are so intriquing to them. And one interesting observation is that many an Aries male keeps his hairdo top o' the list. Many sport the "jar head" look - a crew cut or very finely tuned crisp cut, a military look of sorts. I'd venture to guess that Aries men visit the barber twice as often as the average man.

I have a great example of their zany game playing that's just for kicks. I met this one particular Aries male about 5 years ago during a business encounter. He was from the neighborhood so I was somewhat already aware of his background. I already knew what he did for a living and, as is typical of Aries men, he had a great job and a successful career. You'd think that'd be enough to tout about, right? Wrong. This chap happens by my house one day and we get to talking on the front porch.

Nothing heavy, just friendly small talk. And out of nowhere, he says to me, "I used to be a DEA agent down in Chile." (Really? That's funny because I already know that you were a trouble shooter for a big company nearby.) Before I can get one word out, he's elaborating on this fib and watching my reaction closely. Me, being a Taurus, I chose not to call him on his ridiculousness that particular day. I just let him dig himself deeper as this story of his became more elaborate and dramatized by the minute.

But before I go on, let me back up here a minute. I actually hired this fella to do some work on my home. (Hmm, an undercover DEA agent that moonlights as a contractor - interesting, LOL.) Anywho, the day he showed up to do the job, it was about 58 or 59 degrees out, a breezy Spring day. I saw him go up on the roof, fully clothed, and about an hour later, he was knocking at my door, clipboard and invoice in hand - shirtless.

Yes folks, shirtless and half naked on a 58 degree day - in the clients living room. He's standing there with a big grin on his face and when he sees me approaching, he lets himself in, in typical Aries fashion, before I even make it to the door. And I swear, when he stepped inside the house it was like the Flight of the Valkyries was blaring in his head. "Da, da, da, da, DAH - da, da, da, da, DAH." It was like he saw himself as the lead character in his own movie about to perform his Oscar winning performance.

Needless to say, we were never involved other than business and my friends and I now affectionately refer to him as "the naked contractor." Ok, now back to the DEA story. At a later date, he ended up boppin on by again - another infamous Aries male trait - coming over when they're not invited or expected (to spy on you). Only this time, I decided to confront him in typical Taurus fashion about the DEA bit. I said, "Tell me again what you do for a living?" (Aries translation: Talk about yourself more.) His response? A big smirk began to display across his face, he looked down at the ground like a little boy kicking stones (awe shucks), and said, "I was a trouble shooter." And he just about cracked himself up over the whole thing.

You see, it was all for kicks, a game, and he was gunning for a big reaction to stroke that giant ego of his. "Oh wow! Really?! You were a big, bad DEA agent in another country (which doesn't even make sense in and of itself) - oh boy!! You must be the worlds most interesting man alive!" That's what he was shooting for anyway. That isn't the reaction he got from a Taurus, however. We rarely ever play our cards on the first few rounds.

The Aries Male Dark Side

That particular story is one that relates to playful Aries games. However, they do have a darker side, as do we all, and believe you me, they love nothing more than a good skirmish with someone. A girlfriend of mine that was involved with an Aries for more than 40 years claims that a heated debate can be much like foreplay to them. Like one of those scenes in the old fashioned black and white movies where the woman's telling this guy what she really thinks of him, she's really letting him have it - and then he suddenly and unexpectedly grabs her and lays a long, passionate kiss on her.

That's the stuff of Aries mens dreams. If you want to see an Aries man come alive, start a heated debate. But a hurt Aries male and the games that will ensue afterwards are something of an entirely different nature indeed. Ladies, beware. These guys can be downright cruel, especially during a breakup.

The Aries male motto concerning love and relationships just has to be, "All is fair in love and war." And to the Aries male, love IS war. I've seen many an Aries man, within days of a breakup, strut another woman in the previous womans face - and with great delight, like they just won the World Cup. I've seen them come up with ways to make the previous woman jealous that you wouldn't believe, gunning for that big reaction. You know, the kind where the woman just looses her mind and goes all crazy ape on the guy.

An Aries man won't be put off by that behavior, he'll be thoroughy entertained by it and he'll be sharing that story with his buds. "You shoulda seen her, she went nuts. It was great! I wish you could've seen it!" Yes ladies, these guys will "stoop." They'll play dirty and throw all the rules of etiquette right out the window - and into your face. Speaking of games, other favorite dating past times of the Aries male include doing silly things like sending a slew of texts and then - poof, disappearing for hours once they get you to respond.

They also get a big kick out of making plans and then cancelling at the last minute. Much of this is to test your emotional strength. Will you go ballistic? If you do, they got your number - let the games begin! If you don't, you're a challenge. Again, let the games begin!

Maybe some of the above has happened to you and, dare I say, you seek revenge on an Aries. If so, play it careful, ladies. Once you engage these fellas, it's on.

Aries Male In A Nutshell

Are you getting what I'm throwing down yet? See the theme developing here? Games, challenges, conquering and warrior like behavior tinged with worship. It's even better when it all ends with a "rescue" of sorts.

The Aries male is a true gladiator and when you think things may be going badly, chances are - he's having the time of his life. This one loves a good bit of drama. Which I believe is the reason you see so many Aries/Gemini pairings. We all know the Gemini personality tends to be a split personality of sorts. The continued drama, worry, nervousness and indecisiveness of the Gemini persona seems to keep the Aries interested and continually challenged over the long haul. Drama, drama, drama and a pure love of the thrill of the chase. So much so, that once they catch you - all too often, they then quickly disappear.

Why behave like this, you ask? It's about the challenge. If that disappears and they've figured you out, as much as I hate to say it, you become boring to them. If you're gunning for an Aries male, my advice to you if you'd like to snag him would be to run in the other direction. Just run, run and then keep running from him. He'll chase you like there's no tomorrow and he'll love every minute of it.

What woman is the woman that usually captures the Aries man's heart? This is funny, but most times, a woman that's been with an Aries man for a while will tell you, "When I first met him, I didn't like him." And he knew it - and that's when the chase began, he stumbled - and then fell in love. These chaps are funny, the more you dislike them, the more they like you and the harder they set out to change your mind.

And don't let the macho masculinity of this sign throw you - they love a woman that speaks her mind and isn't afraid to put them in their place every once in a while. You may think you're going to upset them by speaking frankly, but the fact is, they'll be thoroughly entertained by your tenacity and find you even more intriquing.

All that being said, generally, you can always count on the Aries male, regardless of your history together, friendship or otherwise. And once all the game playing and worshipping comes to an end, 90% of the time, you can look back on it together and have a laugh. When you've reached that point, feel free to poke fun at the Aries male for all his zany behavior and crazy story telling - I do it all the time with my Aries friends, male and female alike, and they can, indeed, laugh at themselves.

And then eventually will come the day they actually admit to "the game" - and they'll be quite sad it's all over.

"For Zeus wept when there were no worlds left to conquer."

910 Comments:

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The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: I let that link come through in the comments because it's a good read, gals. And it's written by a man that's discovering that certain things that used to perplex him about women, or that used to put him off, are actually appreciated by him now.

He's a man on a path of growth and self-awareness, much like many of us here are - learning via experience :-); February 18, 2013 at 5:53 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi Mirror,
I’m the Libra that wrote about spending Valentine’s Day weekend with my Aries, and how he told me Friday and Saturday he had plans because it was his first weekend off house arrest and that we could set something up for Sunday. Well, he didn’t contact me after that text for a whole 4 weeks. And I didn’t contact him. The whole time of course I’m like well dayum, was I wrong for trying to do something special for him. I was hurt, but nevertheless I KNEW I was not going to contact him regardless if we ever spoke again. It would’ve hurt but I never chase.
Then out of the blue the day before Valentine’s Day he text me asking me if I still had my aunts number that braids his hair. I didn’t respond right away because I was in class, but I figured I wouldn’t be childish and simply gave him the number and kept my mouth shut. As far as I was concerned he just wanted a reason to say something anyway because he could’ve got it from our mutual cousin whom also goes to my aunt. Anyway, he said “thank you” still I said nothing. Then the next morning (Valentine’s Day) he text me “Happy Valentine’s Day”. I told him thanks same to you. Then later that day I was in class and he texted me asking what I was doing. I said “Leaving class” very cut and short. He says, “What you about to do” (This is his way of trying to see me, he always ALWAYS does it that way. Ask a million questions until I say “Why what’s up? Then he’ll ask to see me) However this time I shut it down and said “Going home” and I stopped texting.; February 19, 2013 at 3:39 PM
Anonymous said...: Continued...Then comes Friday. (The day he got off house arrest, and was supposedly too busy for the special evening I was going to have planned). He tried to see me again. I had to stay strong. But I will admit I was two seconds from ditching my cousins to be right up under him. But I had to remember that, I ASKED for this weekend and HE told ME he was too busy. Then Saturday I ran into him over my aunts I could feel that he was nervous. I find it funny that I still make him nervous like I did when we were kids. (He admitted it). Anyway, I spoke to everyone. And chatted with my Aunt. He was on his way to work so he said bye to everyone then later when he got off he tried to see me again. I didn’t shut him down but I didn’t offer either. I told him I was at home chilling. I want more. I didn’t offer him to come to my home, because I want a date. A real one. I’ll never get it if I allow him to chill with me all the time. Anyway, I cried the night of Valentines Day because I knew he was trying to see me and as bad as I wanted to see him I had to tell him no. I was sad the other 3 times I told him “no” too, because I love him sooo much and I want us to work. But I guess Aries love a chase right? Am I doing the right thing; February 19, 2013 at 3:39 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous,
Honey, I think you did the best thing you could've ever done for yourself here. Kudos to you for being so strong :-)

Because the reality here is - he's not making you a priority and he's being lazy as a man. He's not showing you that he has anything to offer you as a man - other than to come over and plop himself down on your sofa and then expect sexual rewards for his less than stellar efforts.

You deserve much better than that, dear. And you should be VERY, VERY proud of yourself right now for standing up for yourself the way you did. Very proud indeed.

You definitely did the right thing here, without a doubt.

(Ladies, might you come over and lend some support to this women here if you have a moment and commend her on her strength :-); February 19, 2013 at 6:42 PM
Anonymous said...: This is an aries speaking to defend my honor. Lol. Granted this maybe way too late to respond, but I find your observations accurate on many things and some farfetched . Its quiet ammusing. Dont mean to be rude or meant as disrespect but which Aries has pardon my vulgar terminalogy "screwed you over." Yes I can be direct but my perspective of the Taurus women ive dated were incredibly materialistic, naive, and self absorbed. That plus the mentality of not caring for anything or anyone and lack of ambition. By the way a friend asked me to give a opinion just for fun. You seem amazingly self assured. Care to join me for a drink? Lol.; February 19, 2013 at 6:43 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous,
And if you doubt in any way that what you've done was not the right thing to do, please read this piece that was shared in the comments here on a different post, it's written by a man:

http://www.singleblackmale.org/2012/04/25/do-men-ever-step-up-without-a-womans-words-or-actions

I think you will see, after reading that, that you have done the right thing ;-); February 19, 2013 at 6:45 PM
Anonymous said...: Oh and the Taurus women I dated after a breakup flirted in front of me clearly respected her freedom and when I did so to flirt or meet someone I turned out to be the bad guy and shouldnt flirt with anyone. Granted hilarious but why a double standard? Didn't mean to hurt her or be vindictive just best to move on.; February 19, 2013 at 6:47 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Aries Male,
Well, well . . lookie what we have here, LOL ;-)

Please realize that much of what I've written here represents the tendencies of an Aries "dark side" so-to-speak (unprogressed, non-evolved Aries). If you're looking for one of those peaches-n-cream puff pieces to stroke your ego, you can find thousands of those elsewhere on the Net - but at least you found some amusement here, if nothing else, LOL.

Now . . . to address the "screwed you over" issue, you know, 90% of the men that show up here make the same accusations. (Why can't you men think of something more original to say, LOL?) So to set the record straight:

1) I have broken up with 3 (if not 4, I lost count, LOL) Aries men in the last year. THEY did not break up with me, I ENDED IT with them.

2) I have at least 6 male Aries men in my life that I have very close, long term friendships with (35+ years). We have love/hate relationships. They love to hate me - I hate to love them, LOL ;-)

3) None of what I've written here has been done with the intention of malice behind it. As a matter of fact, it's the exact opposite. Much of what I've written here was written from a place of good intention - for purposes of self-growth, self-improvement and self-awareness - to take a look at oneself in the mirror for purposes of self-improvement and growth.

Now, to address this:

"my perspective of the Taurus women ive dated were incredibly materialistic, naive, and self absorbed."

Sounds to me like you're meeting what I call "unprogressed" individuals - meaning, women that are displaying their "darker" (less evolved) zodiac traits rather than progressed women that are displaying their "light" (evolved, higher traits).

And to address this:

"That plus the mentality of not caring for anything or anyone and lack of ambition."

Again, you're referring to a less progressed, non-evolved Taurus woman. I like consider myself a somewhat progressed, evolved Taurus woman (and yes, it took many years of hard work towards self-improvement before I could honestly say that) - and if you read through the comments here on this site - I think you'll find that I'M ANYTHING BUT a woman who doesn't care for others and lacks ambition.

If I didn't care for others, I wouldn't spend upwards of 4 hours per day answering questions here, supporting others here, helping folks on their path towards self-improvement and giving of my personal time freely and without monetary reward.

Just some food for thought, my friend ;-)

And sure, I'll join you for a drink. . .take a number and stand in line, LOL ;-)

You can love to hate me and I can hate to love you, LOL!; February 19, 2013 at 7:11 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Aries Male,
"Granted hilarious but why a double standard?"

Well again, I believe you're dealing with an unprogressed Taurus female - one that isn't displaying her "light" so-to-speak, but her darkness.; February 19, 2013 at 7:14 PM
AnonWoman said...: @Libra who likes Aries man,

Incredible strength you are showing. It's painful, I can see that, but, I promise you, keep up the No Contact for many weeks, and you will become to heal from this pain. If you keep in contact with him whilst he is not making the effort, it will reinforce the worthless (kinda) feeling he is giving you. He is your pain. Keep seeing him and it will be like pulling a plaster off slowly (it hurts right...) or rip it off quickly, (by not seeing him now) and the pain will hurt like hell, for a much much shorter amount of time.

Unless he shapes up, you ship out.

See if you can heal on your own and talk about it with someone....then see if you can gently start seeing other guys.

Well done on your strength - because, if you hadn't have been strong and chased him - then you would have regrets in your head whirling around doing your head - so I think you're very smart and preserving yourself real well.; February 20, 2013 at 4:21 PM
Anonymous said...: To Aries male, materialistic, naive, and self absorbed? would you expand on that? I ask because two of the 4 Aries man I ´ve dated had been self centered,sneaky players and very much into their pockets LOL someone is doing some mirroring here? happy I dated them for a short short time LOL

Anyways MOA is saying something very important here, about being evolved or non-evolved in your sun sign, that apply to all sun signs and human beings as well.

And in my opinion when you use the term "screw you over" lol I can´t help but think of the "winners and loosers" actitude many immature not evolved men display on the dating/relationship scene. Very destructive if you ask me. My english is not so good , but I hope you get my point. Good luck in your evolution. LoL ;-)

Libra girl!

I know what you are going throu, and I admired what you ´ve done here. Stay Strong. If he loves you, let him come to you.

I love this blog! <3; February 21, 2013 at 2:47 PM
Anonymous said...: Aries men believe in purity,loyalty and love.These games you speak of are the means by which to test those qualities.Aries man wants a woman not a whore.Cancer women are Goddesses,but very sensitive.Try to communicate more Aries with Cancer,Aquarius,SAGITTARIUS,Pisces..Try to delve outside the code of knighthood and try to understand that women are human not celestial/angelic beings and more thsn likely there may have been others before you.Stay away from lazy,stupid,liar Taurus.Never date another Aries; March 1, 2013 at 3:05 AM
Anonymous said...: (Not sure where to comment, but since it's about an Aries male I figure I'll leave a comment here.)

Mirror, this has been bugging me...

I met this 33yro Aries man off POF (I know this site requires a lot more filtering with the sheer amount of casual daters, so I was careful to take my time).

He seemed sincere, wrote me long e-mails, was highly interested in what I did, and this continued for a little over a month.

Then he started dropping hints about a meeting. I was feeling more comfortable so I responded with hints that I usually hang out in 2 specific neighborhoods. He suggested coffee in one of them, but I had no idea the coffee shop was in HIS neighborhood.

Anyways, he gave me his # and asked me to text if I was still interested in coffee sometime that week. I texted him the next day (probably a mistake??).

We ended up meeting at this coffee shop. I was running late, so by the time I got there, he was already sitting down.

He was very friendly, and gave me an amazing manly hug. I started taking off my scarf and coat, then he asked, "Are you going to get something?" I'm like "Yeah."

I gave him ample time to offer to get me something, but he NEVER OFFERED!!! WTF. He was glued to his seat, kept flipping through this spiritual/health magazine and said he wanted to show me an article later.

I was stunned. In all the years I've been dating, I've never encountered a guy who didn't offer to get me anything - even if it was a friendly meeting.

Agh I was so turned off, but stayed to talk because he asked me questions, and we had an interesting conversation.

When he pulled out his phone an hour later, I took that as my cue to ask, "Oh is it 4pm yet? I really gotta go soon, have to meet up with a friend." He looked a little surprised and slightly rejected (and I could tell he was attracted to me).

We talked for 5-10 minutes, then we walked out, he hugged me tightly, said our goodbyes. I never heard from him since. (I also found out during our conversation he was going to do some extended travelling in South America.)

Mirror - how could I have filtered this guy out? What was the red flag I should have paid attention to?

Was he a natural cheapass, or was it that I didn't make him text me, or choose a place that would require effort on his part - so he didn't respect me as a potential dating partner?

I've dated an Aries before who refused to let me pay for anything. I know not ALL Aries are the same, but in general I felt that they were all manly types who like to provide.

I felt like I wasn't even worth a cup of coffee.

- Vivian; March 1, 2013 at 7:20 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Vivian,
Grr, you're gonna' hit a live nerve with me here today, LOL. I've been irritated over this very topic all week. I mean, where do these guys get off with this shit? Yea, it does make a woman feel worthless. And the best part is, jags like this are usually pretty proud of themselves, thinking they've just scored big on a date. I imagine he's assuming there's going to be a second date too - and he's so special, he's going to get laid on it...and all without lifting a finger.

Truthfully, you did filter him out...you just didn't catch it is all. Because as I was reading your comment, I got to one part where I winced before I finished reading...and it was the part about him asking you to contact him.

That was it right there dear. The first move of a man that's never going to lift a finger for you.

He further added to that by making you come to him. Next time a man throws his number at you and asks you to contact him, give him your number instead and invite him to call you.

It is odd behavior not typical of an Aries, but I will say, I have seen this in Aries men on occasion. One of my male friends is an Aries like this. And surprise, he's single, LOL. Not a player either, not even close. And another shocker, he's a first week of April Aries...some of the worst, LOL. He's simply a snot.

This ones a loser dear. If he can't buy you a cup of coffee, he'll never be able to make you happy...he'll never do a thing for you. And he's probably a selfish crappy lover too.

You're not worthless dear, you just found a dud, that's all, LOL. The universe hands us each a couple duds here and there. A week from now, you won't even remember his name. You'll refer to him as "the dud" LOL ;-); March 1, 2013 at 8:10 PM
Anonymous said...: Awww, Mirror! Thank you so much for making me feel better. :)))))

I rarely mess it up with guys I don't give a shit about. I was talking to this business guy for 2 months and he repeatedly asked how else to contact me off the dating site.

One day I decided to give him my number I use to text on my iPod (to save $). He was like, "Huh? Texting number? Lol what is that. Here text me: xxx-xxxx."

I thought, "Yeah right I ain't texting you", and stopped talking to him. He kept messaging me after that, but I was uninterested.

But I wouldn't in a million years do such a thing to Aries man, because I'm more interested and perceived him to be higher status than this business guy (Aries man is muscular, an interesting painter, and writes well) - and I didn't want to risk losing his interest.

I think my actions were perceived as pursuing him - so he probably WAS thinking he was going to get lucky and would hear from ME after our meeting. *shaking head*.

I guess that's why he had this shocked look on his face when I brought up I had to meet up a friend; he was thinking... what? I thought she was SUPER INTO ME! WHY IS SHE CUTTING THE "DATE" SHORT? LOL.

Back to filtering, filtering, filtering!

- Vivian; March 2, 2013 at 9:27 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Vivian,
You let fear steer the wheel there dear - fear of him losing interest. Do not doubt your value to a man. Because when you do that, you give away your power. Holding back actually piques a man's interest and compels him to step up to you. When you shift the power dynamic, it actually becomes the woman that steps up to the man, the woman that goes to the man and the woman that does the work.

A woman's behavior from day one sets the tone for the balance of the entire relationship, as you can see. So it's crucial that, from day one, the man comes to you, the woman. If it doesn't begin that way, it'll never be that way.

And I know this sounds counterproductive, but consider this. Consider behaving as if you're uninterested in every man that displays an interest in you. Because you see, you were actually having success with the businessman, that you weren't showing an interest in.

Might I ask that you consider giving him a chance? One date can cause no harm. Because you see, I think maybe your placing value on things in men that really have no value - or a minor value at best.

Let me explain. I know that looks are important, as well as common interest. But they're not what's really important. What's really important is the man's level of interest and his willingness to please you and make you happy. And this is how good men get overlooked.

I know many women who when asked how they met their husband say, "When I first met him, I really didn't like him. But he was persistent and he pursued me and won me over."

I hear that so very often. And I firmly believe that THAT'S what women should focus on with men - his willingness to make them happy and his level of interest. Because it is 100% possible for a woman to fall in love with a man that, upon first appearances, she wasn't attracted to.

It's just happened here actually, on the disappearing man post, with a woman named Lonnie. She met a man she really wasn't interested in, but gave him a chance in the hopes it would distract her from the man she WAS interested in at the time.

Well, the man went out of his way with a really nice gesture of flowers for her - and after that - after the way he made her feel about herself, she found that she started to like him - because of his willingness to please her.

Giving a man that is genuinely interested a chance to prove himself can reap real rewards. Like I said, one date can't hurt anyone. Consider focusing less on looks and common interests and more on the man's level of interest and willingness to please you. That's the sign of a "good guy" when dating.

Don't let the illusion of swagger, handsome appearances and minor issues like common interests skew your view. Because what's really important, what really matters and what really makes for a happy, healthy, long term relationship - is the man's level of interest and willingness to please you, as a woman.

Consider giving the businessman a chance to prove himself to you ;-); March 3, 2013 at 2:03 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Vivian,
I should add though, that if you consider giving the businessman a chance - make sure HE comes to you. When he suggested that YOU contact HIM, I'd respond with something coy and playful such as, "You have my number, let's see if you know what to do with it ;-)"

And then see if he steps up. If not - NEXT, LOL ;-); March 3, 2013 at 2:06 PM
Unknown said...: How can you call us babies? Being first shows we are older than any other sign of the zodiac. We are leaders not babies. We're intelligent as well as smart. Yes we can be sometimes stubborn but most of the time I personally have been right about my decisions. Being self centred is a decision. I know that is a factor but I've also learnt how to school my feelings. You ladies should stop portraying us as inherently bad guys.; March 8, 2013 at 7:40 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: "Most of the time I personally have been right about my decisions. Being self centered is a decision."

Spoken like a true Aries, LOL ;-); March 8, 2013 at 8:25 AM
Anonymous said...: Holy cow mirror you have given me so much to process and think about.

Unfortunately the thing with the businessman was over a month ago and he hasn't contacted me again since... so I can't give him another chance.

But you're right on that I do evaluate men based mostly on looks and common interest - over his willingness to please and his level of interest. I will be more mindful of that in my future filtering.

It's definitely challenging because I auto-categorize men who are too interested as not good enough.

So...I have a question... but it's about my Virgo ex. :-0

I broke up with him about 5 years ago and regularly get into NC cycles every few months.

On Friday, 2.5 months of NC later - I caved and sent him a text message because I woke up in a lot of pain, and I felt like only he could comfort me.

I couldn't tell if he was concerned but he asked me a lot of questions to try to figure out what was wrong... and advised me to try drinking ginger ale, etc. We talked for a while until I fell asleep. Later I went to ER, and I updated him.

This whole time he was VERY polite with me. Nothing like the fun-to-talk-to guy I've been used to - even though I made a joke about what an ER nurse said.

His politeness made me feel he wasn't ready to talk to me again (otherwise he would have initiated), so I didn't reply his text message ("Hope you feel better!"); it didn't seem to require a response anyway.

2 days later, I got a text, "Are you feeling better?"

I scratched my head thinking huh? Why is he asking?

I respond saying, yeah feel tired, but I'm ok.

Once again, he sent another text saying he hopes I feel much better soon, and things are resolved. I haven't responded to that text yet.

I'm confused mirror - he doesn't sound like he wants to talk to me (he didn't try to contact me in the past 2.5 months and now he sounds polite and formal), why does he keep asking me if I feel better?!

Is HE confused because he thinks I want him again, but then I disappear without asking how he's doing?

Should I go NC again - and then wait for him to initiate, so I'll know for certain he wants to talk?

Or is it safe to keep talking to him now, and gradually transition to "how have you been doing"? I feel like he's expecting me to ask.

- Vivian; March 12, 2013 at 9:41 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Vivian,
Id keep doing what youre already doing here. Be polite, responsive on occasion or when need be and approachable. Dont become eager, dont make yourslf too available just yet because with the history already in place here, hes going to have to build up some trust again.

So right now, pull back on the rubber band around both your waists a bit, and see if he springs towards you. If he does and hes consistent with it, then ou can bend forward, towards him ;-); March 12, 2013 at 10:16 PM
Anonymous said...: Thank you mirror!!

I kind of doubt he will spring back; he might think I'm playing some sort of game because I am ignoring what he is saying and only responding when he asks a question (I've NEVER done this before).

But we shall see... we do have a history. Feels like business as usual!

- Vivian; March 13, 2013 at 6:52 PM
Anonymous said...: Wow! Scary accurate indeed! I dated an Aries man in another country for almost two years. In the beginning, I wasn't attracted to him, but his charm won me over. Despite the fact that he's narcssistic and manipulative, he was always able to reel me back in after I ended things. I ended things for good recently and cut him out of my life because I was sick of his games. He's not a bad person, just not a good boyfriend, and I'm so glad I'm where I am now!; March 16, 2013 at 2:49 AM
AnonWoman said...: Hi MOA,

I went out on a cocktail drinks date tonight with a 4/4 Aries male. Well, he asked me out, he suggested a place near his house and I said could he come to my area and he was more than willing, then he chose the bar (my local finest cocktail bar), then he ordered three cocktails each, the bill was $65.00 - HE SPLIT THE BILL WITH ME.

He said: Shall we split the bill? I said: what?
He repeated, then I said, yeah sure, and he said: I think it's first date protocol.

(I didn't say anything)

Then we left and he kissed me both cheeks and said: see you soon and I just smiled. He has since texted me saying he had a fun night and I hope that I found it entertaining too.

I haven't written back but deleted our entire text chain.

Such disappointment. He sounded brilliant on text, on the phone call, his photos (online site) - the whole lot. I was so surprised as I've met a few off the net, I couldn't believe how I got it so wrong with him.

His profile did say he didn't see the first meeting as a date, but if things went well then a special second date should be organised.

But still, I mean....if he liked someone....he's clueless, unless he just doesn't fancy me... weird and really insulting! But I'm over it now, one hour later!

If he'd had paid for a burger for me and a coke, I'd have been so happy, but asking me to split the bill....well I never....a tight Aries - that's a first, I've always found them generous.; April 1, 2013 at 7:23 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @AnonWoman,
I know...there's no bigger turn off than a cheap man. They don't get how it's not about the money...it's about their masculinity. And being cheap and petty and unimpressive certainly does not add to it :-(

Cheap and wimpy is a deal breaker for sure. He completely snuffed out your spark for him and I don't blame you, I'd have been just as turned off by it as you were.; April 1, 2013 at 9:53 PM
Peter said...: @MOA and AnonWoman,

These types of man annoy me a lot. It really des get to me when a man won't stand up and provide. In dates, gifts, home building etc.

AnonWoman you were right to let this guy go here. A guy that fails to see what dates mean in the larger picture will always make a woman feel as you have been made to feel. That feeling you have tells you what you need to know about his level of thought for you and his interest in you. That weird and insulted feeling is what you get left with is wrong to me. How could he be proud of leaving you like that, and he never had a thought that his action may leave you that way? He's not showing you any respect there at all when he should be seeing the bigger picture here of the woman in front of him.

I'll never understand why men have so many hang ups about money and providing. You know these kind of men are probably the ones who would never hesitate to spend hundreds of $ on something for them if they wanted it. I see it all the time with men my age and just a bit older, it’s something that frustrates me and I just don't get it.

Personally I believe that a man pays and should never be paid for by a woman. It's very simple everything a man does with money and resources while he's with a woman says a lot about him. It also says a lot his view of her worth, her value and it states his interest in her. As a man I get a kick of providing. I've always said to MOA that money is nothing compared to the lady that you would be gaining. Who she is and having her there is worth everything compared to money.

I never give women anything cheap, for free or using discounts. For example deals or offers on food are not dates. Paying half is not a date. I make it clear to a lady I take out for a date. A day trip or whatever it may be that while she's with me she won't need her money. I won't have her bring any out.

I could never feel good as a man to have a woman pay it would feel wrong to me and be ashamed of that as a man. If I had no money I would never date, I'd rather not date than date and not be able to provide.

It gets me mad just reading about how he went half. I've taken much bigger gits on dates that lead to nothing and then left the baggage where it belongs. Then I read this guy splits a bill for $65. Just pay he should be in control of whole date and he should ask either he should do it.

The same is true for things like gifts I see it all the time in my guy friends they buy cheap or they buy with little thought. Whenever I give a gift to women the no matter where it came from it would be meaningful, thought out and always paid for in full. It gives me a kick as man to do that because I know I provided. I know I did something meaningful for her. I also know it put her first and it says to her that here is man who will provide, values you highly and wants to give you everything you deserve. I work off the principle that if I see something a lady I'm involved with will like and enjoy then I treat her to it and I take pride in doing that. Again it’s something I see in men my age and a bit older, I don't understand why they have hang ups about it.

And this guy is arrogant enough to tell you he will see you again? I don't think so don't waste your time here. He said himself it was first date, now the first of ANYTHING with a lady is a massive thing. First date, first gift etc all of these things say a lot. He clearly won’t view it this way for you.

Rant over now LOL!! These guys really annoy me and when I see it from friends I just don't have respect for them as men.

I completely get why you feel that way MOA and AnonWoman. Tight, wimpy and soft men are hard for me to respect. Unfortunately I have friends like that and it's a talk that leaves me frustrated may times over.; April 2, 2013 at 6:44 AM
Anonymous said...: @AnonWoman
I understand your feelings of disappointment and agree with MoA and Peter´s comments. Something has ocurred to me: maybe this man felt that he wouldn´t get another chance from you, so he told himself "I´won´t spend money on her". It doesn´t excuse him, but the woman feels better when we look at this from this perspective.; April 2, 2013 at 12:20 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: Regarding the issue of being asked to split the bill on a date, particularly a first one, I'd like to add a bit more from a woman's perspective.

You see, it's very easy for men to get in an uproar about the topic, and then label the woman a gold digger and write her off into that little compartment of his. But this entire issue is a conceptual issue that men fail to understand.

Because the reality is....that type of treatment from a man makes a woman feel worthless. She's not even worth a dinner or a few drinks to the man. Why the hell would a woman want to spend any additional time with a man that makes her feel worthless?

Answer: She wouldn't.

No one, man or woman, wants to spend time with anyone that makes them feel worthless and valueless. That's a fact. It's the reality. In addition to that, it signals to the woman that he's selfish, unwilling to please her, and feels no need to impress her...yet he arrogantly feels entitled to a second date...after sending all of those negative impressions to the woman. And if she refuses because of it, the man rarely holds himself accountable for his own actions. He childishly labels her a gold digger and moves on.

Guys, just a little friendly FYI on this topic from a woman's standpoint. We can buy our own dinners. We can buy our own drinks. Don't be arrogant or foolish enough to think that we "need" you to pay for drinks or a dinner....because we don't. We can provide that for ourselves. We don't need to waste hours of our time sitting across the table from an immature man, putting ourselves through the grief of doing so, for some stupid dinner or a few drinks and then walking away feeling like crap about ourselves because the guy, via his actions, signals "you're not worth $60 bucks to me."

And then expecting access to her body, as many men feel entitled to, if you do happen to do so....for a lousy $60 bucks?

That's an awful high price to pay for dinner and drinks, all of which we don't need you to supply in the first place. It's much easier for a woman to spend her time and money on herself, enjoying an evening with her girlfriends instead.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression :-); April 2, 2013 at 12:37 PM
AnonWoman said...: Hey MOA, Peter and Anonymous,

I agree with all of you. Every single word.

The whole experience scarred me, made me feel like crap, and yes, putting myself through all his questions to then split the bill, this has never in my entire life (I'm in my 30's) happened to me. It was horrid. It's put me off dating others now. Maybe just for a while.

Yes he could say i'm a gold digger but it goes deeper than that. You guys all get it, need I say more.

I wonder if he does that to every girl and wonders why none of them want a second date with him....who knows, who cares, he is history that I am trying to get out of my mind which he is, and once I date again, the damage he did will not be affecting me anymore :) But it's certainly made me rethink.

Either way, he now feels crap because I haven't responded to his text and so his little brain and wonder why now. Hmmmph.; April 2, 2013 at 7:58 PM
AnonWoman said...: MOA,

On a seperate note...you know my story about Aries man born 5th April that left me....I'm sure you can recall. Well, I am still missing him but it's been four months today and I've not heard anything.

Now, my psychotheraprist friend who has decades of relationship experience, said I should speak from my heart and send him a note saying: "hey, I've been thinking of you a lot and miss you. How are you?"

But, will this ruin any wake up moment he might have in a few months or am I living in lala land? What are the odds if I email him this/text him....it will ruin it for me?

I would probably say: "Hey, I've been thinking of you....how are you?" (I daren't say I miss him)

Because if he offered to meet me...I can then do things the way this blog suggests....but I don't want to ruin that wake up moment (that may never come)....I think I could handle the rejection too....

I was his girlfriend on his last birthday so it may make him think about me this week, it may not....I imagine it will.

I am not going to do anything hasty but think about it for a few weeks....

My pyschotherapist friend said some of her patients had got back in touch with men before and the men had gone out with them.

But, as we were in a group, I never got chance to ask who ended it with who and whether it lasted the second time or it was just ego....I will ask her.

But I value your opinion highly, and I need to gather some opinions before I make any move....what do you think Mirror?

I still love him and think about him every day (not all day....just everyday)

Thanks,
AW (Virgo); April 2, 2013 at 8:05 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @AW,
I think your psychotherapist friend needs to think about YOU.

Why would you risk putting yourself through all of that hurt, pain and rejection again when you've come so far?

If you contact him, you give him the power to reject you all over again. The power to hurt you all over again. His silence tells you all you need to know dear. Don't read anything further into in that that.

A genuinely interested man will seek you out. Period.

If you contact you, you completely put yourself at risk of getting hurt again. And I cannot believe that your psychotherapist friend is recommending that you risk your well being like that.; April 3, 2013 at 8:52 AM
AnonWoman said...: MOA,

I'm not if she is recommending it as such, as were at dinner and then the waiter rocked up and interrupted the flow....I think she just thinks I should speak from the heart and say what I suggested.

Hmmm. I dunno. I can see both sides as part of me wonders in myself that if I hear from him it may help me move on or help me heal as it's nice to be in touch with those you care for. Hmmmm. I don't know if his silence shows he cares for me as he doesn't want me as a lover, or what... and whether if we struck up conversation we could be friends or just at least heal this awful silence.

Bloody nightmare thinking a man is perfect (yes, first time ever) and then it goes tits up with third party interference and you always wonder what could have been....you date other guys and no one is good enough....maybe I just need more patience but at the same time I would like a baby if possible and clock is ticking but I don't just want to have a baby with any of the interested guys who might want one with me as I don't fancy or love any of them. Anyway it's not just about babies, I do love my ex still and that's that.

I will speak to another source this Friday who knows my case history better than my mate and talk to her about the valid point you raised - and see what she says as my psychotherapist friend is always busy late into most evenings 'psychotherapisting'. As talking to my mate is a bit bitty, a bit here and there snatching the odd moment during the chats.... but it's dragging it on like this...

Thanks Mirror....; April 3, 2013 at 9:53 AM
Peter said...: @AnonWoman

Forget what your friend said. Never let anyone reject you twice. Do you want to try again with a man that can't see your worth and potential the first time around?

You said it in your post above that he left you.Now there are different forms of therapy that suggest we romove negative triggers and situations from our life. Rejection is like that when a man rejects you then remove him and let him live with the consequences. Even more so when he left you. Once you learn to remove negative people from your life like that it gets easier. As MOA says don't risk yourself again, in this situation by approaching him you're inviting him a potential trigger for another negative experience back into your life.

Never let a man reject you twice.; April 3, 2013 at 5:46 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi MOA! Hope you have been well! I wrote to you back in October. The post date was: December 10, 2012 at 11:53 AM.
I wanted to go through the new year positive and drama free but unfortunately that wasn't the case. Long story short, he cut off all contact with me that same week. I was so confused as to why one minute he was so sweet and then cold, it threw me for a loop.
Turns out he "heard" that I was gossiping about him and "telling everyone about his affection for me" at our workplace. I was beyond shocked because I value privacy very highly and gossiping about him and myself was never something I did! I even made it clear at the beginning that I wanted us to be discrete because gossip mills at work can be dangerous.
I came to find out that the women in my workplace fancied him very much and maligned me to him. Turns out they didn't like me because I had his attention.
The dislike got to such a degree I had to bring it to HR's attention because they threatened my job. Turns out the head of HR(a woman) is friends with this Aries man and told me that he manages to spoil every relationship he's every been in and that he's very insecure. In addition, she went on to say adamantly that in time he will apologize for his actions.

It hurt that he took some petty women's words over mine. I let him know that and that I expected for him to at least come to me for an explanation before cutting off all contact. He allowed his insecurities and immaturity to get the best of him, I suppose. And I was willing to overlook all of that because of the strong attraction I felt for him and because I really expected more from him.

Anyway, after no calls or texts for about 3 months we found ourselves in the same place at work and he struck up a conversation with me. He asked how I was, what I was doing that weekend, told me how nice I looked. The entire time we were in that office I can tell he was very aware of me. He even helped me with a few tasks. He seemed very eager and super nice.

It caught me off-guard because I found it came out of nowhere. It even made me wonder if he was going to call to FINALLY apologize so I could get my closure. And the apology never came.

I know it's probably dead in the water and I'm silly to keep expecting that apology. But I feel I deserve it.

I pride myself on treating others with respect and kindness and it's what I'm known at work for. How can he not see that?! I never meant to hurt him. I'm the last person in the world who would! I just... I'm confused.

I'm working on letting him go. But why come back and be so overly sweet to me if he has no intentions of reconnecting that friendship?

I feel like a fool for hoping.; April 5, 2013 at 9:06 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Apr 5, 9:06 AM,
"How can he not see that?!"

You answered your own question dear. . .

"insecurities and immaturity to get the best of him"

And along with being insecure and immature - comes SELFISHNESS.

"But why come back and be so overly sweet to me if he has no intentions of reconnecting that friendship?"

Because he's insecure and was probably hoping you'd stroke his ego and jump right into his lap, LOL ;-); April 5, 2013 at 6:33 PM
AnonWoman said...: Hey MOA, Peter,

Well I've decided so far, not to contact him....I dunno, I just think if he ignored me, it'd hurt too much. But then, I can't see him ignoring me as he is not an unkind man. But if I contact him I may always wonder if he would ever have contacted me. I know some women re-connect to ex's and they get back together...but in this case, I don't feel comfortable with it. I hope I am making the right decision here and not living in pain thinking of my love lost, and he is too and if only one of us had made the move.... no, I am thinking maybe he is either still undecided, totally over me, over me, well, just those things really. I doubt he's spending night after night missing me, yet not contacting me...; April 8, 2013 at 6:02 AM
Anonymous said...: Sounds like you're describing a NARCISSIST. :); April 8, 2013 at 1:25 PM
AnonWoman said...: To Anonymous April 8, 2013 at 1.25pm,

A narcissist, what makes you say that....?; April 9, 2013 at 7:30 AM
Anonymous said...: hello
scorpio here
here is my story with ''my'' aries man.. would appreciate your comments as I couldn't find any similar story here to compare..
we met in 2006 and it was a love at first sight. we had a great time together, in every way.. he was super romantic, kind and playful, a true giver.. about a couple of months later i met my ex. i still loved him very much, we spent 10 years together, and one thing led to another, i he started pursuing me and i gave in.. when i decided to talk to my aries, he was devastated.. he wrote me letters, used to call and hang up in the middle of the night.. i felt terrible at the time but my heart told me to go with my ex.. all these years we kept some kind of ''friendship'' with the aries, never talking about other relationships just keeping it basic..i finally broke up with my ex a couple of years ago, so we started going for a coffee every now and then but he is always very distant and cold.. if i call him he always picks up and if i suggest we meet to catch up he's always there but never does any move although i have clearly showed my interest in him.. i may sound a fool but i do have feelings for this man even after all these years..
we haven't talked for some months now, and his birthday is coming in some days. i wrote him a huge email explaining exactly what happened back then, my feelings for him, and i end the letter by proposing a new date. a first date after all these years like we never met before..
but i don't know if this would be the right move from my part.. i read a lot about not calling an aries and all, but in my case i am the one who hurt his ego, he would never do any move after i left him for another man, although i often feel there is tension between us whenever we meet..
any ideas? thanks guys for listening to my story :); April 9, 2013 at 1:28 PM
Anonymous said...: I have read this post before, just when I was starting to be friends with an Aries. We have never physically met.. but calls, texts, chatting etc. goes on all day. We met 'online', to be friends, on a social networking site...if that makes sense. When I read this article months back, I readied myself. Now I am facing a perfect Aries. One, who point blank told me today, "No, I just like to annoy you" when I asked him whether he liked another girl. Not that I cared, I just asked him. And this is what I got. I suppose thats because I get annoyed when he shows interest in my female friends. Sigh.

I'm a libra girl. He is an April born aries. He has a gf, but they can never commit (reasons personal to them which I wouldn't disclose here). He chose to stay single for this girl his entire lifetime.
We met afterwards. He is a good friend. Keeps on telling me that he wants to know me completely. That I'm interesting. Recently I did something I've never done before. I opened up to him, told him about me, my past, things that shaped me and made me who I am. Not everything though. This shook me. Why did I do so? He is, after all, a nobody in my life. I had a troubled past and I am inwardly quite messed up, I told him all that. He listened to me patiently, like he always does. It seems like he is genuinely interested in me, my life. Is it all fake? Or am I really someone he cares for? I try not to pay attention to the matter of falling in love with him - he says thats the one thing that will ruin what we have - and I believe falling in love with him is just not possible until we meet. Whats your take on this Mirror? Whats happening here? With me? And with him? And most importantly, should it ever happen that I fall in love with him, will that be a mistake on my part? Help me.; April 9, 2013 at 7:18 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Scorpio,
I understand that he probably needs an explanation for closure, so he can put the unresolved stuff from the past to rest.

However, I'm not sure an email is the appropriate method to deliver that explanation to him. Reading a heavy email like that may appear overly emotional to him and a bit overwhelming and unfeeling in a sense, because it's an email and not a face to face encounter.

I very rarely suggest that a woman contact a man, however, considering the history and the lengthy friendship here, I think an explanation from you would be appreciated by him in a mature manner. If I were you, I'd go about this a bit different and not so "direct." I'd tap him and attempt to open the lines of communication so that eventually, I could hint at getting together. And then once together, I'd offer a face to face explanation.

But the key here is, you can't expect anything positive to come of it. You simply have to make the goal one of closure for him and then be okay letting the chips fall where they may. Otherwise, if you think that any rejection or lack of initiation afterwards on his part may hurt you, then I wouldn't walk head long into this situation. I'd let time pass and wait for the appropriate opportunity instead.; April 10, 2013 at 8:10 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Apr 9, 7:18 PM,
It's too soon to tell dear. This is all in the very early stages and time spent with one another is required to provide the answers you seek.

So you need to proceed while keeping your guard up. Do not let him know there may be feelings developing and simply observe him and listen. In time, he will reveal himself for the man he truly is - be it good or bad.; April 10, 2013 at 8:21 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi MOA,
I commented on Dec. 3rd 2012 @ 4:37am and I accidentally sent an email meant for a friend to the aries male. When I realized the mistake, I emailed him explaining and apologizing. He answered saying I sounded like a busy girl and that it was good to hear from me. I emailed a short note back and he did not respond. I can't stop thinking about him, where do I go from here? I have not contacted him or anything but I want to. Would it be wrong to friend request him on facebook or something? When he said he had a girlfriend, he said something like 'an offer of friendship' and I said that no contact would be the best.; April 14, 2013 at 3:07 AM
kristine said...: Any advice for aries & aries relationships? I'm an aries female- April 5 (27y.o) and he's an aries male -March 25 (33 y.o).
He's crazy. He tells me after 3 months of dating that we should move in together, to his house of course! Which I will not do for various reasons, number one being three months is too soon & number 2 being I don't need him having that type of control over me in HIS house.
However, he won't even spend more than a couple hours at a time with me, he's always running off to do something else & acting like he was gracing me with his presence. He is also only really willing to spend the night about once a week. I don't understand why he would want me to move in. I don't understand much about him to be honest.
He tells me he loves me but then he never returns messages until much later--- it's all a control thing I suppose but it's very frustrating for me.
Are aries and aries compatible---or just a case of fighting fire with fire?
Thank you :); April 14, 2013 at 3:10 AM
AnonWoman said...: Hi Kristine,

I do know two Aries - the female with your birthday and a male the week after, who are happily married. I know another happily married Aries couple.

There is a great book that tells you if you are compatible with his week, your week is The Week of the Star, he is born in the Week of the Child. The book is called The Secret Language of Relationships.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Secret-Language-Relationships-Personology-Relationship/dp/067003262X

This is what is says about your two weeks.

personality of this relationship...

It is unlikely that the world of deep feelings will figure prominently in this very social relationship, whether its tone is cool or fiery. Love or close friendship may be ruled out here, then, but common bonds relating to a shared hobby, sports activity or other interest may create a certain amount of trust and permanence. The desire to explore nature, particularly if it is out-of-the-way and unusual, may find an outlet in adventuresome activities of all sorts, particularly those involving groups or clubs.

If Week of the Child and Week of the Star people are siblings, they are likely to fight, since both guard their spaces and their prerogatives closely. Should their aggressive and competitive instincts get out of hand, particularly if they are siblings of the same sex, the family unit may be highly stressed, even torn apart. Relations between either combination of Week of the Child and Week of the Star parents and children may remain harmonious as long as the parent does not show tyrannical tendencies, which will invite rebellion. But the relationship does not usually show a well-developed nurturing side, or a love for the everyday chores of homemaking, housekeeping or child-rearing. Marriages are not particularly recommended here, then, unless the spouses can allow each other a good deal of independence to pursue separate careers and spend long periods of time apart.

As far as working together goes, the Week of the Star personality demands attention, and to be at the center of things. This may not sit well with Week of the Child people and their egos are likely to clash; if so, the Week of the Child person may withdraw, feeling hurt or neglected. If the relationship manifests at an executive level, however, where these two must share the planning, organization and general leadership of a business or company, they may be able to drive dynamically, shoulder to shoulder, toward common goals.

Says you are ideal for TEAM PARTNERS but not friends.
Strengths:
ORGANIZATIONAL
SOCIAL
ADVENTURESOME
Weaknesses:
AGGRESSIVE
COMPETITIVE
NON- NURTURING

You are very compatible with Virgos as Aries are the second most popular sign for them to marry. I know 10 Aries and Virgo marriages that have lasted years so far and a study was done looking at 10,000 couples to look at which star signs they are with and that was where I got that stat from.

I will let MOA answer the rest though regarding your individual sentences but in general there is my response to your one question asking what sign you're compatible with.

I'm a Virgo BTW,; April 15, 2013 at 4:38 PM
AnonWoman said...: Hi Mirror and Hi Peter, (and hello everyone else)

Remember I told you my ex Aries looked at my business networking online profile on the day of our anniversary - that was the end of January?

Well, I held back and then looked at his the end of February.

Heard nothing since.

Anyway today he looks at my profile again. I am not going to bother looking at his as it tells me his company name before me needing to look at his so I know he has not moved companies, so I don't see the point.

What IS he doing? What is HE playing at? Is he just curious? Missing me? Waiting for me to browse him instantly so he can feel comfortable to make a move on me again and if I don't he won't make a move? Or is he just being careless?

It's been four months with no contact now. Four months and one week actually and as you recall, we had a bad breakup.

Love,
AnonWoman; April 15, 2013 at 4:44 PM
Anonymous said...: Im just wondering if you have any advice for me. I am a Taurus, and am really into an Aries man. The problem is, we are just acquaintances. We knew each other from high school but never hung out. We have a TON of the same friends, but never seem to run into each other. A few months ago I ran into him at a bar. He actually came up to me and said hi, and seemed to be somewhat interested in me (I didn't even notice him until he said something!). I was with my boyfriend at the time though, and he was with a group of girls. I started thinking about him after I saw him. A few weeks ago, he friend requested me on facebook but I was still in a relationship so I didn't say anything. I am now recently single, and he randomly commented on my photo the other day. I don't know him well enough to just ask him if he wants to go out for drinks or something, and It seems like he is the type of guy (from what I read on here) who would be turned off by that anyway. So my question is, how do I approach this? Should I just suck it up and ask him to get drinks with me sometime? Or do I need to wait for him to make his move? Is there a way to find out if he's even interested??? I've known who he is for years, and am extremely attracted to him. I just don't want to mess this up.; April 17, 2013 at 7:55 PM
Anonymous said...: Hello,

I am writing because I have been involved with an Aries male for a little over six months. He had been separated when we first got involved for seven months and now his marriage is officially over. At any rate, I am in love with him but he has become extremely distant. It's like lately, I have to initiate contact, which I hate to do. He says I wouldn't understand what he's going through since the marriage has ended. He doesn't want a serious relationship, and I get that and I am willing to be his friend until maybe something more arises, however, I do not like his distance. It's almost like he has disappeared on me but I see him once a week at work, so I am not sure how to react. I mean, I asked him flat out if he wanted to see other people, and he said, no, I just don't want a relationship. So, I am so confused and I am not sure what to do.; April 19, 2013 at 1:37 PM
Anonymous said...: Part 1: Dear MOA, I've been dealing with an Aries bucking bronco for nearly 5 years and he ain't saddle broke let me say! We both met gaming He has been a constantly sarcastic, occasionally cruel and regularly insulting member of our group although we all love the jackass. lol I have described him as the "alpha" many a time as he tends to be the loudest, rudest, crudest and (in his mind) the most perpetually right-about-everything male in our group. He gets into regular battles on mic in our gaming group about every possible topic and his outrage knows no bounds. lol He also likes to talk trash (and I mean crude sexual comments for the most part) and continues to do it almost daily despite how many times I have asked him not to do it when I'm around.

Over the years, we have fought many a time, all of this pretty much taking place in group since we don't talk much one to one and what convo we do have one to one is on mic or the very occasional and short email. Let's just say we are famous among our group of friends for our skirmishes over his porn-style talk. Despite all this, I have pretty much adored him from early on because hey, I am a Virgo Sun, Taurus Moon with Cap rising and Mars and Venus in Leo and Mars sitting in my 7th house too (which is ruled by Cancer)... I am obviously very attracted to an alpha type male and I openly admit it. But this man is the type to never give away his feelings and to pretend he is not attached to ANYONE! To play on his emotionless facade (well except for anger, he has plenty of that lol) I have taken to telling him I love him when he is pissed... it actually does seem to calm him down some but he half doesn't know how to take it at the same time. lol I say it in such a way that it sounds half-serious and half-teasing but he does know I care about him.

So this Arian wild child is a March 29 baby with a Moon in Scorpio, supposedly a Libra rising (although I see none of that,) Mars in Aquarius (I am thinking this might be part of the reason for his indifference to relationships) in the 5th house (you think that could be the reason for so much aggression?) and Venus in Taurus sitting in his 8th house(conjunct my Moon.) Everyone around us has approached me at some time over the years to say that they think he has a thing for me/loves me (and most of the people we know are men so this is men saying this) and well it's become common knowledge through the years that I care for him too. He knows I have problems with him flirting with other women because I will just go quiet and sometimes I will leave the room but he also tends to go completely quiet (and he's a loudmouth so that's weird) when I talk about a male friend or someone who has been following me around online trying to get my attention, etc. He has gone so far as to start sarcastically referring to any guy I've talked about positively as "your boyfriend" so I do believe it bothers him and one of our mutual friends tells me he can see it really bothers him too.; April 21, 2013 at 4:15 PM
Anonymous said...: Part 2: I have asked him so many times to please not do the graphic trash talk when I'm in the room and he always balks and expresses annoyance, says no one is going to tell him what to say/not say, and repeatedly does it although some times he will backpedal and stop when I say I am going to leave (and he does sound very concerned/upset when he knows I'm about to leave the room.) Many of his sexual comments are directed at me personally and I am usually the only female in the group (although sometimes there might be another one there.) He seems to think I should accept that men talk like that and not ruin his good time by asking him to tone it down when I'm around. I find it really disrespectful and am hurt by his willingness to continually do this when I've told him how it makes me feel. This issue came up again the other night and I left the room. I have not seen him since and really feel like I should do no contact (which I have done before at various times) except that it's extraordinarily hard since we belong to a mutual group of online friends so I can't really stay away from him unless I deprive myself of all their company. Any suggestions on how to handle this jackass in this situation? ;) They unfortunately also get on his case because they don't like how he treats me at times but then he has one or two that constantly reinforce the idea that he shouldn't have to tone down what he says for anybody so that eggs him on to be belligerent.

By the way, neither one of us are young...he's middle-aged with no kids and never married and he has never dated in the 5 years I've known him either! I have dated during 3 of the 5 years but I am currently single. Our friends like to regularly tell us to just get damn married already because we sound like a married couple when we fight and that we obviously love each other (although I am really unsure of that, I am perhaps just great entertainment to him.) He did crawl back to me once when I did not contact him for about 3 weeks but that was a long time ago when we didn't have all these mutual friends and it was more of a one on one situation. You're a Taurus, I think you will have a feeling for where I'm coming from as a triple Earth girl with Moon in Taurus (but I still have the fiery Mars and Venus in Leo that responds well to his Aries dynamics. lol)

Ventressa; April 21, 2013 at 4:15 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Ventressa,
No positive rewards for negative behavior. Meaning, negative behavior receives consequences, not rewards, and those consequences are your attention and your presence.

So when he begins to act rude, you're done. Make an excuse and remove yourself from the situation. Don't explain why, don't answer questions and don't react negatively - just leave.

Do this repeatedly until he connects the dots. Until he realizes that his rudeness equals your disappearance. And that his kindness equals your presence.; April 22, 2013 at 8:32 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi MOA, it's Ventressa. Thanks for the quick response. If you can believe it, 2 days have gone by since I've seen him (and he usually goes into group nightly) so I think the jackass is trying to "do no contact" to me but that's ok because I've been lieing low and not entering groups if he's around. I find it pretty funny that he was the one who was rude and yet he's trying to do no contact to me now. Such a Ram!:) Ventressa; April 22, 2013 at 8:55 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi MOA. You responded to me on Apr 5, 9:06 AM. "How can he not see that?!"

Thanks so much for responding! Turns out this insecure Aries has now texted me and said that he needs to talk to me. I responded a few hours later and simply texted back "Sure."

It's going on the second week and I haven't heard back from him. And this makes me think he wanted me to jump and ask him "Where? When?!" Or it's, once again, his insecurities rearing it's head and he's now unsure because my response seemed so lacklustre?

I was going to employ the "No contact" tactic after he texted me initially but because I did want to hear what his explanation is, I did respond with that "Sure."And I said nothing else.

I am employing "No Contact" now. And I figure that if he wants to meet with me and talk about what happened he should then follow up. Thing is, now that's it going on week two, I'm starting to doubt whether he was sincere in his request.

If he felt seriously about meeting with me then he would have followed up. I have no designs to contact him or ask him if he's still interested in talking with me. I feel that if he really wants to, he'll reach out.

Any advice? Am I doing the right thing?

Sorry about all my questions! :/ But I appreciate your wisdom.; April 22, 2013 at 6:04 PM
Unknown said...: My comment is in parts because it's so long. I'm very sorry in advance, but appreciate your input and taking the time to read it!:

Hi, Aphrodite! GREAT blog. My story is long, so please forgive me. My Aries ex dumped me in the beginning of February after we dated for almost 2.5 years, which was both my longest relationship and also his longest relationship, and I’m just wondering what I can do, if anything, to win him back because I miss him greatly, even though you will probably think I’m nuts for feeling that way after reading this. I met Travis (born April 16, 1986) back in November 2010. My birthday, by the way, is July 3, 1985 (Cancer). We connected immediately. He took me on some fun dates, but never kissed me goodnight, telling me he wanted to take it slow so that he wouldn’t screw things up with me. But that didn’t last long. Once we finally shared our first kiss on our 4th date, we became serious almost immediately, establishing our “boyfriend/girlfriend” title within just 10 days of meeting each other. Within the first few days of meeting, we had already began discussing moving in together. We eventually did move in together, but it took us a year and a half to finally be able to afford to do so (he lived on his own when we met, but was barely making it and had to rent a room rather an apartment, and I still lived at home with my mom). During the first year and a half (prior to living together), we spent pretty much everyday together, or at least 5 days a week at the minimum. But over the course of that year and a half, he broke up with me several times. First, it was after the first 2 months. He didn’t call or text me at all after he ended it abruptly, but then we ran into each other at a local favorite spot of ours about a week later and wound up getting back together that very night after he cried and told me how much he’d missed me and made a huge mistake. Then things were good…until another 2 months later when he did it again for the same reason (we fight too much because apparently I pick too many arguments). Three days later, we had a talk and got back together. Five months later, same crap again. We spent the week being “friends” and just hanging out. By the end of the week, he wanted me back again. Eight months later, breaks its off AGAIN, as we’re apartment hunting, finally.; April 24, 2013 at 12:43 AM
Unknown said...: Part 2:

Ten days later, he texts me and wants to talk. We get back together under the condition that he moves to North Carolina with me (from New York, where we lived and met) because I was going to move with or without him and gave him the option to come with me or stay behind and we would be over for good. He chose to come with me. And when we first arrived in NC, he wanted to get my ring finger measured. We rented a house together for 7 months there. Over those 7 months, we often discussed the next step, meaning an engagement. But, despite that, he broke up with me more times that I can even recall…at least once a month. And the break-ups just became more and more frequent and “serious” as he would have what seemed like more and more hesitation to get back together every time, but then always would eventually decide to work things out, saying he is lost without me and blah blah blah. After the lease on our house was about to be up (the 7th month), he breaks up with me AGAIN. Tells me this time it’s over for good, that the love isn’t there anymore, etc. Nothing that I hadn’t heard all the other times he broke up with me. This time, we stayed broken up for a month. I was sure it was over this time because he had went ahead and made plans to move to Oklahoma where his family lives, so I went ahead and started apartment hunting for myself. This seemed to bother him greatly. Suddenly, after I had a fight one night with my sister over the phone, he comes into the bedroom to comfort me and then asks me to move with him to Oklahoma, saying as usual that he’s made another mistake and is sure this time that he wants me “forever.” Unreal, right? And what do I do, being that fool that I am? I move there with him. At this point, I’m sure the break-ups over. I almost didn’t go with him because I was so scared that he would break up with me again and I’d be stuck in the middle of nowhere, alone. But he convinced me that he would “never” dump me again, no matter what. We arrive in Oklahoma and move into his family’s home with them, and within 2 weeks...; April 24, 2013 at 12:45 AM
Unknown said...: Part 3:

he dumps me. We get back together a week later. Two more weeks pass, and yet another break-up. And yup, you guessed it…we’re back together after a week. And now, we near the end (finally)…things are going great between us. We’re fighting less, smiling more, understanding each other better, he is being more communicative and open to discussing his feelings, etc. We even started a little daily ritual where every morning when we’d wake up and every night before we’d go to bed, we’d tell each other one things we love about the other. One night, he hears me crying in the bedroom and comes in to comfort me. He tells me that he loves how great things have been between us and how we’ve been through so much together and come out stronger because of it. The next day, we end up fighting all day over non-sense. He breaks up with me. Five days later, he spends two nights in a row with a mutual female acquaintance of ours who’d we met through a mutual friend about a month earlier (twice). Suddenly, he is being harsh to me every time he sees me, being very hostile and unfriendly, and is spending every waking moment with this girl. I finally decided that enough was enough after he packed his knapsack with some clothes just 4 days after they’d started dating, went to her apartment and simply never came back (and left our cats for me to take care of too). I booked a plane back to NY and was gone within 5 days. He never contacted me after I left, nor did he say goodbye when I did. Two months pass and now we’re in present day, basically (meaning from a few weeks ago through today) and I decide to move to Colorado with a friend. But then I realize all of my furniture is still in Oklahoma. So I have to book a moving truck to go pick up my stuff and take it back to Colorado with me. I call his grandpa to let him know (because his grandpa has the storage key) and his grandpa tells me that Travis will help us move the furniture. The day I arrive, Travis has an “emergency” and can’t come help with the furniture, but swears up and down that he will be able to help the following day. The next day, he stays true to his word and comes to help. Upon seeing him, he says a very sad “hi” to me and I return the same. Things start out pretty casual between us, only discussing which furniture I’m taking. But then we start having some friendly banter and warming up to each other. I then find out from him that he wasn’t able to make it the previous day because his girlfriend, who he is now living with and had basically moved in with as soon as I moved back to NY, had a nervous breakdown and needed to be taken to the ER. Note that this girl was pursuing him heavily before we even broke up and also happened to be best friends with a girl that disliked me strongly.; April 24, 2013 at 12:45 AM
Unknown said...: Part 4:

This girl also has 2 kids from 2 different men and the two kids (1.5 years old and 3 years old) live with her and Travis in her apartment. Just throwing that out there. Anyway, so then we continue being friendly and then he informs me that he has pot if I want to smoke with him. I say sure. After we finish up with the truck, we head back to his family’s house, find a private spot and start smoking together. We talk a little bit about some casual things, then somehow wind up discussing what happened between us. He asks me about my living situation in Colorado and I tell him I live with a friend. He asks me when I’m getting my own place and I tell him probably in a couple of months. He seems rather interested in when I’m going to have my own apartment, plus he mentions something about how he can’t believe I moved to Colorado because “we” were supposed to move there together but I didn’t want to when we discussed it. He also compliments my hair and looks at me more than I can ever remember him looking at me when having serious conversations in the past, as I’m discussing my new life and talking about our past and what I’ve learned from it, etc. (he used to always be doing something else while I’d be talking to him, but this time he looked me in the eyes the whole time and seems to be listening intently, for once). But then he spends a majority of the conversation mentioning his girlfriend: we’re getting a puppy together, we’re going to England together next year, we’re saving up for a bigger apartment, I’m reading parenting books, we go out as a family, I love the kids, the kids love me, she likes all the same crap that I do, look at the diamond watch she bought me for my birthday, etc. Just absolute freaking torture. Couldn’t seem to keep his mouth shut about her or her darling kids. I then mention something about how love is a commitment, not a feeling, and he says “Well, I know that now” and I said “Well, at least she’ll get that” and he said “Well, who knows if we’ll last forever.” Okay then. And then at some point he admits that I was right about her being manipulative and her purposely trying to hurt me, but then defends her and says she is honest now so it’s okay and that they talk 3-4 hours a day about their feelings. What the hell?; April 24, 2013 at 12:45 AM
Unknown said...: Part 5 (last part, lol):

He also informs me that he quit smoking (something I always wanted him to do), wakes up early to clean the apartment everyday (always wanted him to do that too), exercises regularly and is losing weight, etc. Basically just can’t get enough of telling me about how much better of a person he’s become, I guess from being with this chick and her kids, or so he made it seem. Mentions how with her it’s “all or nothing” because she has kids and he knew that right away. I mean, I feel like he spent 2 hours talking about how wonderful his new relationship is and it honestly really hurt. But I kept my cool and acted happy for him, discussing how I’ve chosen to single because it’s time to take care of myself. He then says “I never got that time. I jumped right into the relationship with her.” Yes, I know. Well anyway, let me end this since it’s now 3 pages long, lol. We say goodbye to each other finally and he hugs me very tightly, holding me for a good 10 seconds. I then say “Well, if we never talk again…” and he says “We will talk again, I’m sure of it.” We leave our little spot, and then before I get into my truck, he hugs me goodbye again and says “We’ll talk again…at some point.” And I just act like that’s cool and I leave. And that was basically it. I went to a few psychics, including an expensive one that came highly recommended by basically everyone on the East Coast. He was very accurate with his reading (he knew without me telling him that Travis is with someone new who is manipulative and hurt me on purpose and he knew that his name started with T and also knew the letters of the first names of other guys I had been casually dating at the time) and told me that the chapter isn’t “quite closed yet” and he expects that they will be over soon, he will be moving back in with his family and soon after, contacting me. The other psychics told me the same thing, saying he is going to call me in the near future and loves me “quite a bit,” as one psychic said. I’m at the point where, as you can see by my overly-long post, I’m losing my mind because despite all of the crap he put me through, I still absolutely adore him and miss him dearly and want him back. But I honestly don’t know if I should trust what these psychics have told me and believe that he’s playing typical Aries games and biding his time with his new little adventure. Note that he was with another woman with two children 2 years before he met me, which had been his most recent relationship when we first met (so he was single for 2 years before he met me), and he also moved in with her and her kids as soon as they started dating and they ended up lasting almost 2 years with her, but broke up with her because she supposedly hit him one day and he never spoke to her again after that. Well anyway, I just want to know what you think of all this. Will he soon realize, as usual, that he’s made a mistake? Or is he is simply finished with me and more than likely won’t ever contact me again? What is your take on this whole huge long thing that I’ve just written? lol. Thank you times a million in advance.; April 24, 2013 at 12:46 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Samantha,
What can I say dear - he's an Aries, LOL ;-) This is who they are and that's why, for me personally, I have a funny thing I like to say about me and Aries. . .they love to hate me and I hate to love them, LOL.

Only time will tell. An Aries goes after that which he desires. The best thing to do is disappear off his radar completely and begin to ignore him. Don't take any calls, don't respond to any texts - just run. Seriously. Aries enjoy a challenge and love a good chase. Flat out silence drives them bat sh*t crazy and gets them thinking about you non stop. Trust me on this. Every Aries I treat like crap only came on stronger, LOL.

Give him 30 days of no contact, no response:
http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/dating-when-why-how-use-no-contact-rule.html

And with this one, you start the 30 day count on the first day he reaches out. So the next time he contacts you, you give him no response and you start the 30 day clock and you remain silent and non-responsive for a full 30 days from that point on - and you RUN, RUN, RUN from him ;-); April 24, 2013 at 5:33 PM
Anonymous said...: @Samantha,

You have the tolerance of Job - what do you ultimately want from this relationship? I think once you determine that it will help you decide how you want to proceed.; April 26, 2013 at 12:27 PM
Anonymous said...: I've had the worst experience with an Aries male. He passed along an incurable STD but denies his testing ever shows anything but a negative. He's since distanced himself from me and when he does make contact it's always to get a rise out of me or to provoke an angry response. I can never be defenseless or caught off guard by him because I will get taken everytime. He is absolutely no one I can EVER give the benefit of doubt. He is constantly playing Jedi-mind tricks and I can never take him at face value because when do I am always the worse for it. Oftentimes I don't even realize until later that what I thought on the nose was the issue was never really the issue in the first place. I'm sure he is always off somewhere laughing and enjoying my frustration at his doing. He is THE MOST insecure human being I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. He's truly pathological. The best thing I can do for myself from this point forward is to completely eradicate him from my life and never look back.; May 3, 2013 at 12:27 AM
Anonymous said...: I was involved with an Aries man for 7 years and he turned out to be a total jerk. I found out he had been lying to me from Day One...and I mean Day One! He also turned out to be a slacker who avoided real work, but spend money like water he didn't have. His answer to any 'discussion' was, and I'm quoting him, 'It's my way or the highway and if you don't like it, get the fuck out.' Once I found out who he really was, I did just that. He then had the nerve to contact me 5 month's later from 1500 miles away telling me he missed me. I told him to get lost.; May 10, 2013 at 8:42 PM
Anonymous said...: I can't believe I have found this site and wonder if you can help me at all?
I have been dating an Aries for 9 years. 2 Years ago we moved in together, I left my home town and friends and family to do so. I left my grown up daughter in my house temporarily to move in to a house he had just bought. Now my daughter is ready to move on and I suggested we might sell my house and I could invest is his to help pay for the needed renovations. He reacted with fury staating that this was his house and no part of it was for sale.I then questioned where we were going and said I had assumed we would marry one day. Again he reacted with anger and cruelly dismissed the concept. I know this man really loves me, and after 9 years I think i deserve a bit of comitment. He seems very hurt, baffled and confused. I have moved out but am due to see him on Wednesday. He is adamant about not marrying and to be honest I could live with that but he wants us to share a home with no investment for me, although he expects me to invest emotionally. I do not want anything from him financially but do expect a bit more than he is currently offering on the comitment front - Help!; May 19, 2013 at 10:54 AM
jaylo said...: Mirror. PLEASE Help ME.

My aries man brokeup with me a week ago on Friday. We dated for almost three months. He was a nice man, and never played games.
He said he was stuck and felt he could not grow. We had no fight.
I kind of felt it coming cause i was feeljng empty in the relatioship for not getting much affection from him. A day after the breakup, he text me at night (Saturday)to say : I hope u love ur new place, and then acting jealous when he thought I was at a movie and not responding right away and said. : "Oh enjoy ur date!"
And then, two days later another txt checking if everything was good with my moving. Yes, he brokeup with me a day before my big moving to a new condo.
Although i was feeling empty before, today i miss him so much. Tomorrow, will be one week from his last txt and thrm no more contacts.
Should I just keep quiet and desappear at all like I am doing? He was never a bad man, he just left me when I needed him around :-(.
He was emotional when breaking up. Holding tears, face a little shaky. He said i was giving more than he could give me. I deserve better bla bla bla. He couldnt be a boyfriend!

Please, advise me. I guess i Like him and i didnt know. I miss him badly

Jaylo; June 3, 2013 at 2:11 PM
Anonymous said...: @Jaylo
Maybe he just needed some time for himself and not knowing how to deal with this need, he broke up with you instead of doing something wiser. I think he will be back.; June 8, 2013 at 2:38 PM
Anonymous said...: My aries ex started dating a virgo girl in september and she got him stuck by getting pregnant in march (only after 6 months together..) and he doesnt realize she did it on purpose. He's 21, she's 20. I've never seen him eat out of any one's palm as he does with her. She is like a fireball pitbull who always speaks her mind and puts everyone in their place. I'm a capricorn and really upset by her and this whole situation. What are young aries like as dads? He seems to be happy about the pregnancy and supporting her, but I feel like this initial energy will die down like things always do with aries. Any ideas on how they will be or how he will be as a dad? They are both so immature too.. i just .. would like some insight; June 13, 2013 at 2:09 AM
Anonymous said...: Samantha can I know your highly recommended east coast psychic? I would reallyyyy need one right about now, this aries has really messed with me and his new gf is pregnant. And well I would very much appreciate it.; June 13, 2013 at 2:24 AM
CrystalWaters said...: To Anonymous Capricorn, June 13, 2013 at 2:09 AM

Bad news - Virgo is the second most popular sign (after Gemini) that Aries men fall deeply in love with.

I and my friends alone, we know 15 married Aries/Virgo's couples, who have lasted the distance and are very much in love. The books say they are not a match, well some do, some don't, but they are. I am Virgo and very much fell in love with an Aries male and we had (mutually) the best time of our lives and he ate out of my hand too with the food he provided for me.

OK - so me and him ended - I reflected on it and it was largely my own fault because of my actions why we never got back together (had I found Mirror's site earlier and had I followed her advice before it got too bad I believe he would be back in love with me again or regretting it more) I mucked it up thereafter.. (I've regretted my actions ever since)... but I can't see there is anything you can do.

I'm very sorry for your situation. In fact, I know you may be feeling pain. But I suppose I am trying to help relieve your pain in to say, it's an attraction that is written in the stars and not many can stop it. So it's not your fault. When a baby is involved...there is nothing you can do....

Maybe that person you mentioned can help you....be careful and good luck.

With love,; June 13, 2013 at 5:07 PM
CrystalWaters said...: Hi Mirror,

I'm writing a few posts today aren't I. I guess it's because I am reading back at some interesting comments in your forum today. If you get time to respond to me, that would be cool.

On April 22 you wrote:
"@Ventressa,
No positive rewards for negative behavior. Meaning, negative behavior receives consequences, not rewards, and those consequences are your attention and your presence.

So when he begins to act rude, you're done. Make an excuse and remove yourself from the situation. Don't explain why, don't answer questions and don't react negatively - just leave.

Do this repeatedly until he connects the dots. Until he realizes that his rudeness equals your disappearance. And that his kindness equals your presence."

As you recall from last winter november, me and my ex aries broke up and then in may 2013 we met up again. he was hot and cold. we kissed. not that the kiss means anything.

To cut a long story short. apart from the nice things he told me that it was the best time of his life with me, he also said some cruel things. I stood my ground and responded. he responded immediately (with no reflection time to think about what I'd logically said) with the same stance almost but ended his email that he was 'in no rush to meet yet' (but still wanted to one day 'I have not discounted seeing you again'.

Anyway, because he said some hurtful things to me a second time with the same stance (mixed with a little bit of nice things). Rather than disappearing. I stood my ground and told him where I am that I have no interest in meeting him whatsoever unless he is going to reflect on what he has said for longer and that any further contact with him is emotional abuse and I would not stand for it and that I have finally reached my cut off point and that if he immediately responded again, I would not be reading it because I'd have deleted it first.

Luckily he did not respond at the time.

This was just over two weeks ago.

Now, given I really have cut off from him and I WILL NEVER EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE initiate contact ever again with him, but given I'd TOLD him what I've told him...I suppose my not giving him my presence and attention and running away, will not have the same affect on him as you mentioned to Venessa because I've told him enough is enough? Or can it still have some effect but it just may take longer? (if ever, not holding my breath). I just had to stand my ground man, enough was enough. I couldn't have left it. But now I can. I just wonder if it will have any effect or whether the effect will have weakened because I told him I was cutting off from him now? What do you think?

Thanks for your amazing website, as usual.
Best,
CW; June 13, 2013 at 5:50 PM
Anonymous said...: Thank you CrystalWaters for sharing your story and the advice. I guess I don't understand how Virgo and Aries can be such a perfect match, bc as a Capricorn I have a lot of virgo best friends (my first love was virgo and we were identical) and we are extremely similar. What is it about Virgos that Aries love so much and how is that different from a Capricorn? - Sara; June 13, 2013 at 5:53 PM
Anonymous said...: Dear Mirror, It´s been a while since I ´ve been on your site, but it did help me a lot to read your post and get your advice last year, when this Aries guy just went MIA in dec. and I was just sooo hurt. The thing is after he went MIA I blocked him from fb, and I just went on with my life, now six months later I just got this message, saying he is been thinking a lot about me lately and that he wonders how I am and how life is and so on, he writes short but very warm and ends the text with lots of love and pink hearts ...Well first I went LOL wtf and like just said to my self forget it too late! But now I ´ve been thinking about him again, and even when I feel like six months is a lot of time to take to say hi, he is not only saying hi, it is kind of a interested in me more than friends message and I do miss him, but I don´t want to go down that road again. My question is , should I give him a second chance? after six months? And he is an ARIES!; June 19, 2013 at 2:38 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous,
You're free to do as you please here dear. Ultimately, the decision is yours.

However, I'd suggest that, given he's a disappearing/reappearing man - you make him WORK FOR THIS and PROVE that he's GENUINELY interested.

Because you're assuming that he's GENUINELY interested when the reality is, his interest may only be sexual in nature and less than genuine. And the only way a woman can know if a man is genuinely interested in her is to see if he pursues her - repeatedly - and then follows through with ACTION and not just a bunch of worthless WORDS and pink hearts.

If you jump right back into this without requiring this man to prove that he's genuinely interested - then there's a VERY high likelihood that you're going to have an identical repeat of your first go-round with this man. He'll talk you up, charm you right into bed and then POOF - gone again.

And if that happens, you're only going to have yourself to blame - for blindly walking right back into it without requiring PROOF of his level of interest first.

I'd suggest that you spare yourself and not let that happen a second time. And if he doesn't step up and prove himself, walk away because he's not genuinely interested.

A genuinely interested man will pursue the object of his desire.; June 19, 2013 at 3:12 PM
Anonymous said...: Thank you so much Mirror!!!
You are so very rigth and I know that in the bottom of my heart, Action speaks louder than words and Pink hearts!!!Thank You!:-) Blessings and tons of love to you!; June 19, 2013 at 3:36 PM
Anonymous said...: Dearest Aphrodite,

Was just reading your post on June 19, 2013 at 3:12 PM and I wondered something. Not necessarily linked to the girls case you were advising, but the two comments got me thinking of a similar scenario on a man returning.

Say a man returns after a few months, because he has been thinking of his ex, let's say you, and he missed her. At that stage in this example, he may or may not know whether he wants to be with her forever - simply that he missed her and had thought back fondly and had enjoyed the sex.

So, do you think, if he is thinking maybe casual but unsure or had no plan, and you trigger things in him that would create him chasing you again -- perhaps by being a different woman perhaps by being a challenge again like you were in the beginning, ensuring he pursues you this time around, watch his actions, that all that can make it fun for him again and re-ignite his interest and CHANGE his initial reason for contacting you to realising what he is missing again so much so that he starts to formulate in his mind, he wants to commit to you second time around?

Say all the above after a bad breakup when, after a nice committed relationship where he initially pursued you, when it went wrong, you took on the masculine role and pursued him, prior to the break up - where you also contacted him first after he dumped you.; June 19, 2013 at 4:23 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous June 19, 4:23PM,
"simply that he missed her and had thought back fondly and had enjoyed the sex"

Well, first of all, none of that is a good sign and it signals a half-interested man (causal). Missing her and thinking of her fondly because he enjoyed the sex reeks of non-genuine interest and is more akin to a hook up type of situation (infatuation and not real feeling).

Because a man that was truly interested, would have missed the WOMAN - her voice, her face, her sense of humor, her company, her interests and all the things that make her who she is.

"So, do you think, if he is thinking maybe casual but unsure or had no plan, and you trigger things in him that would create him chasing you again -- perhaps by being a different woman perhaps by being a challenge again like you were in the beginning, ensuring he pursues you this time around, watch his actions, that all that can make it fun for him again and re-ignite his interest and CHANGE his initial reason for contacting you to realising what he is missing again so much so that he starts to formulate in his mind, he wants to commit to you second time around?"

That would only be proven by his repeated attempts and follow through with ACTION to make things happen, which is especially true if he's a disappearing man. If the man was repeatedly attempting to contact the woman, even in spite of the fact that she's not responding, and then he follows that up by taking ACTION (saying he's sorry and inviting a "talk" to take place), and then asking for dates, making time for the woman, doing special things for her, taking her to nice places, initiating regular communication with her - then that acts as proof of genuine interest.

Which is why it's necessary to not respond, pull back and see if he pursues and makes repeated attempts at contact and ultimately apologizes and initiates a "talk" that is THEN followed up with more ACTION and attempts to move the relationship forward.

Anything short of that is lack of genuine interest and a waste of the woman's time - he'll hang around a while, a few weeks, talk sweet and be charming - but it's only a matter of time before he'll POOF again.

If you fall for the WORDS, there will be no action. If there is no action and you jump right back in, there will be no pursuit. If there is no pursuit, there will be no challenge. If there is no challenge, there will be no interest. And if there is no interest - then there is nothing.; June 19, 2013 at 5:29 PM
Anonymous said...: Pt. 1

Hey Mirror,

I came across this site and was really interested in all the insight towards the Aries male. This is a long story! Being a Scorpio girl (nov 9) I have had one particular Aries (april 11) that I was not only fascinated by, but held a long standing friendship with for many years growing up. Over time, with being so young a lot of hormones raged. My best friend was fascinated by me and kept trying to pursue me for many years, however being so young at the time, my interest towards him wasn't what he typically expected. Being an Aries, he obviously loved chasing and trying to be a knight and shining armor, however I simply only viewed him as a good friend. He was very hurt and rejected, however he kept remaining close.

I would get hurt by many guys over the years, and when I was always at my lowest and emotional state (that being from my sign) he felt the need to swoop in and attempt to make me give him a chance. I never accepted only because we had such a close friendship that I was worried I would hurt him if I just agreed to date him, without any real feelings. He never realized or accepted this as true, because every other girl he would flirt with and sweet talk fell for his every word and move.

He dated a Taurus girl, and being impulsive as he is, fell very hard and very quick without really taking things slow. He broke it off with her after only 4 months because he saw some flaws in her personality and simply couldn't "handle" her anymore and she didn't appear fascinating to him so he dumped her. I warned him not to do this, as he appeared very selfish and immature towards her feelings.; July 1, 2013 at 3:54 AM
Anonymous said...: Fast track years later, we were both still close and always catching up whenever we could as best friends. Suddenly, a new guy came along that ultimately turned our friendship to the worst! I had started to like this new guy’s attention, but I did not fall for him. My Aries however, got close to him as a new best friend. After establishing that this guy wasn't interested, I was in an emotional state, and once again my Aries best friend would be there to comfort me. He secretly was happy that I had gotten rejected, as he thought I would see his point of view now.

Just a month after that, I had gotten over all the feelings of the other guy entirely, and started to fall for my Aries. I didn’t want to pursue as I felt we should see how things go, knowing how hurt he was in the past and to make sure my feelings for him were proper. He suddenly decided to make some moves and say we should see how things go, so I finally agreed to give us a chance. For just about one week, he pursued me and we were happy with how things were working. He kissed me and all was going great and felt very new yet strange and rushed. Suddenly, he decided to stop chasing and said we should remain friends. I was hurt and asked him for a reason, and he simply stated that I had hurt him too much in the past and he didn't want a relationship. I had told him that that was a long time ago and we are both more mature now, and that I shouldn't feel bad for rejecting if I didn't have feelings at the time.

He whinged and whined and for the next year started flirting with other girls in front of me, would still manage to text me all these nice sweet things and basically turned into an arrogant prick with a new found confidence. I was upset and thought that these new girls would replace our bond, so I began to become possessive. He didn't like this and told me to back off so I did. He kept saying that everything was my fault and I shouldn't have tried to go after him, especially since I liked his new best guy friend before. He felt used and mistreated, where as he was the one who initiated all this in the first place and knew that I was emotional like always. He can NEVER admit he hurt me as well or has made a huge mistake by leading me on, and simply will not talk to me like before. He says that I should be lucky he even stayed friends and talked to me all these years, when I was always loyal and never gave up on him! Now that he's off with another girl to boost his ego and give him attention, I have stopped texting or calling him and it's been months since we have spoken.; July 1, 2013 at 3:55 AM
Anonymous said...: I don't know whether to leave him to deal with his selfish ego and realize later that he made a mistake, or to talk to him about it and reconcile? My other best friends seem to think that he has gotten way too immature and selfish, and that he should never had disrespected me in this way, because he led me on. I understand that he has given up the chase with me for years and needs closure, however I can't be blamed entirely for my feelings. He insulted me and my self-esteem has become low.; July 1, 2013 at 3:55 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous July 1, 3:54AM,
"I don't know whether to leave him to deal with his selfish ego and realize later that he made a mistake, or to talk to him about it and reconcile?"

No, do not initiate a talk here. If you do that, you'll make things worse and it'll be like walking into a firestorm. A confrontation like that at this time could sever things for good.

Time heals dear. And sometimes, people just simply need time. Give him time and space and let this die down a bit. Let the emotions die down and wait until the time presents itself.

If you enter the battlefield with an Aries when you're already wounded - as sweet as many of them can be at times, they still smell blood and will strike you down.; July 1, 2013 at 8:28 AM
Anonymous said...: I'm an auarius woman in love with an aries man and of course i had to fll for a guy 8 yrs younger than me...lol Well it started as FWB and it was very easy to see we were both falling. We broke up about 6 times in the run of the year we werre seeing each other and everytime it was because we were getting too close. Either he would break it off or i would and he always came back. I finally told him i have fallen in love and i knew it wasnt suppose to happen because he wanted kids and knew i couldnt give that to him besides he is italian and his family would kill him if he was with an older woman that couldnt give him a family. Anyways i guess he kept comimg back cuz we had great sex and he didnt want to give that up, but i actually believe he started to feel bad for staying because he said he didnt want to hurt me so he made it final and ended it. 18 days lated started texting me again of course i was happy to hear from him but as the days went on he started to fel bad again and said thats it i dont want to hurt you!! then he deleted me off BBM....i was shaocked cuz he luved to chat to me but i think it was hard for him to do at least thats what i think. Anyways it beem 2months since we talked and 3 months since i seen him and its killing me :( im so sad ...love really does hurt. He is 44 and i am 52 and madly in love but he is staying away. I think its between his strong sicilian upbringing and the fact that he says he wasted 10 years of his life with an older women and his family disowned him because of it that he cant have a relationship with me. I honestly know he is hurting too, do you think he will ever come back to me???? i wont chase him he has to want me. i appreciate anything you can tell me...Thanks; July 2, 2013 at 9:39 AM
lovingmom2007 said...: With an Aries man, you have to play the game if you want piece of mind. I am a Leo woman, in a relationship with an Aries man. I swear that if I wasn't the type that enjoyed a challenge, this would be a match made in hell. But fortunately, I do enjoy the game so, we're a perfect match. He even admitted once, that he loves the fact that I can give and take. He's a wonderful guy that knows his worth, and I am the typical royal Leo woman. I don't like a boring relationship. So the fire and ice is cool with me. All of this is made worthwhile, when he bends and submits, without out even knowing it, and I willingly submit, because he is the only man I have every met that lives up to the challenge and deserves to reap the rewards.
I love my Aries man, but for all the ladies, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen, but if you want and love that Aries man, you would be wise to learn all the rules to his game. Can you say, checkmate!; July 9, 2013 at 2:36 AM
Anonymous said...: Can someone please shed some light on how aries (male) and virgo (female) work so amazing together? Mostly everywhere else on the internet says they are not good, but apparently they are and I would really like to know how it works out so good. why does an aries bend down and eat out of the palm of virgo's hands without games? how is a virgo able to make an aries male do such surrender, as I have never seen aries do to any other signs. usually they are all about only the chase and those hard games, but with virgo..totally different story and I guess I just don't understand it.; July 14, 2013 at 9:32 PM
Anonymous said...: Voice of dissent. Love-wise I used to be a pretty typical Aries (at least I recognize my past self in many of the postings), until... Seventeen years ago I fell head over heels for a Taurus woman. We have been married for fifteen and I am still madly in love with her. I would never, ever be unfaithful to her. She is still drop-dead gorgeous, she is smart, and she is charismatic. Btw, we are in our early forties. No children.; August 11, 2013 at 9:03 PM
Anonymous said...: I would just like to say, I am an Aries woman who has been giving an Aries man a run for his money. Prior to my relationship with him, I would be pure bored. I have had most of my relationships with Taurus and some Virgo men. My Aries and I are born on the same day, same year, 38 minutes apart. I am having a ball with him. My Taurus men would grow tired of the mental stimulation (you refer to as games)but my Aries likes me to keep them coming like a kid on the playground and I enjoy coming up with more to utilize my creative side and remain excited. Thus far this is a wonderful match, he say's himself all the time. "I have met my match, holy goodness I have met my match" When he tries to play with me, I immediately see it as an invitation to play chess and we have a great game. I always win, for I am more slow and methodical and he is more apparent. I would love to hear your thoughts on and Aries , Aries combo where the intire charts are almost identical.

Aries Man's Match; August 20, 2013 at 2:39 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Aries Man's Match,
Aries/Aries, Aries/Sag, Aries/Leo are always pretty compatible matches as each are Fire signs that are intense in nature and do have a love of "sport" (games of sorts) if you will ;-)

Additionally, Aries/Gemini can be very compatible as Gemini is an Air sign that can easily blow in the breeze and go with the flow. Additionally, Gemini can have "two faces" if you will, meaning they can swing easily between emotions and identities of sorts, which Aries finds stimulating. As well, Gemini can be "flighty" at times and Aries finds this indecisiveness challenging.

But for you and him, having almost identical charts - the ultimate challenge to overcome would be one of "competition" with one another, probably without even realizing it.

If two people are always taking on battles (challenges) of sorts to "win" - it can be very easy to slip into the role of "adversary" and fall out of the role of "equal."

So the obstacle could become one of remaining a challenge. . .without becoming the full-on adversary standing on the other side of the battlefield ;-); August 20, 2013 at 2:55 PM
Heid said...: My disappearing Aries is starting to reappear after several weeks. I am beyond cautious. I've been following your posts, articles and advice to a "t". I am a Libra... any helpful suggestions for Libra/Aries dynamic? Very much appreciated!!!; August 24, 2013 at 4:04 PM
AA said...: Hi Mirror,
I really like your blog and have been reading it for the past few days. Some information about me. I m 29 yr old pisces and has nv been in a relationship before. know this 36 yr old aries (2 or 3 April) from a government dating website in last yr dec. we are both Asian (Chinese) and had been dating since 2 feb. But we were nv in a relationship. We had weekly meetup but had nv held hands before. i.e. zero physical contact. His profile states that he is trying to find a lifetime partner and hates mind games….. Throughout this few mths he would initiate message to me almost everyday

He kept dropping hints abt a meetup. I was irritated with his wishy-washy and I was the one who decided on the date for meetup.

He was 20mins late for the 1st meetup. He apologized and gave a reason. I looked at him, didn’t bother to shake hand, rolled my eyes and said ‘nevermind, it’s ok.’ He suggested dinner. At that time I was at starbucks. I had only a cup of coffee on the table. I glanced at the table and told him I am too full to have dinner. He looked very awkward. My heart finally softened and agree to have dinner together. He treated me dinner and I treated him ice cream.

A few days later he suggested a second meetup. On the day of the meetup he whatsapp me at 12pm and asked me if I am ready and he will pick me up from my house. I said he never confirmed the timing with me, I thought he didn’t want to meet anymore and I already had my lunch and will be going out with my family. He went quiet. Feeling apologetic, I suggested to meet up the next day (12/2). His tone was fine and doesn’t sound angry at all after I apologized.
He didn’t contact me 1 day after the meetup (13/2). However, he initiated message to me again on 14/2, asked me what am I planning to do for V day. After a few hrs of beating ard the bush he finally asked me out for V day dinner at 5.30pm. I rejected saying that was too last min and jokingly asked if he couldn’t find other friend for dinner. He replied that he is offended that I think of him as such a person and I am the only girl that he wanted to ask for Vday. I apologized, he cut me short by wishing me a nice evening. But he still continue to whatsapp me the following day.

In end april he asked me out on Friday. I replied that was too last min and suggested to meet on sat, saying that at least we have more time to go shopping. He didn’t seem to like the idea, after a few hrs later he asked me agn ‘so you are really not meeting me tonight?’ I said yes. At 2 am he asked if I still want to meet on Saturday. I was already asleep by then and had only saw his msg at 10 am sat morning. By then he msg me a few more lines, seems impatient, complaining on why I don’t on my hp and cant contact me if anything happens. He ask me where do I want to go. I replied that I am still thinking and wonder if I should see doctor for my cough. He replied “Miss AA doesn’t know what she wants to do. I am not going to do nothing and sit at home waiting for you like a dummy”. I felt offended and replied ‘I will rest at home today. You carry on with your sat programme’. He apologized for his tone, wished me a gd day and I wished him back. And he stopped contacting me till 9 days later.

He msg me ‘u seem busy’ I replied ‘I think you are busier than me’ (I was annoyed that he didn’t bother to show concern on my cough). He replied ‘I think you are irritated by me so I gave you space.’ He asked me out and I went agn.

In May he sent me a whatsapp screenshot on our dialogue. I was surprised to see that he saved my name as . Before that, a couple of mths ago he was using an old hp and my whatsapp name was saved as my name.; August 25, 2013 at 8:40 AM
AA said...: I was disgusted to see the display name and immediately wished him gd night . he continue to message for the next 3 days, which I nv reply. I only replied gd night at the end of the day. He asked me whats wrong and I told him. He explained and apologized for another 3 more days. I continued to ignore and reply gd night and told him it is his freedom to save my name in whatever way he wants. I am just feeling uncomfortable that he is placing so much emphasis on physique. He ended by saying that he can see that I don’t give a damn about his feeling.

He stopped msg for 2 days (sat and sun) he cont agn on mon. by mon I finally reply him as usual again. On thur he asked for meetup on fri and I agree.

On fri we met. Everything was sweet till i caught a glimpse of his whatsapp contact hist and that he message another person with the similar display name. i.e. (till now I wasn’t sure if I saw wrongly). I immediately went quiet and stopped talking throughout dinner time. He asked me why am I behaving weirdly again. I glared at him and asked him ‘what do you think? what is making me behaving this way?’ he evaded the qns. I think he was distracted by it and a while later he scalded his hand with tea.

During shopping I raised my voice at him.
He said he want to watch movie. I said I want to watch superman. He said that show wasn’t nice but will watch if I want to. I said nvm, since there isn’t any show we want to watch then lets just go home. I walked off first with him following me behind. He was sulky and dragged his feet, hitting his finger on the departmental stores window and seems deep in thought. I ignore tat and kept quiet throughout 30 min of journey in his car. He knew I was having menses that day and asked me to drink warm water.

I didn’t receive any msg from him the next day. Feeling remorseful for my behaviour I msg him on Sunday night. He immediately reply and asked me why did I del his sat msg. told him the watsapp msg only had 1 tick, I did not receive it at all. Then we conversed as usual.

He did not initiate msg on mon. so I initiated on tue. He said I always bottle up my feelings, don’t know what I am thinking and thinks I am going crazy. I replied ‘I apologize. I know I have a stubborn character.’ He replied that I don’t have to apologize cos he is just a nobody. I replied ‘well, sometimes I may have offended anybody without knowing.’
He initiate msg agn on wed & thurs but sounded cold.

After a few days of no msg from him I msg him at night and asked if he is ok. He replied yes and said good night. I said ‘I don’t know what it is your mind, unless u tell me or the situation cant improve.’

He didn’t reply. I waited 8 days later to msg him. ‘I don’t understand why u say u are nobody. Do you want to meet up for dinner? I treat you your fav food.’
He didn’t reply.

2 days later I couldn’t stand it and call him while he was on whatsapping. He ignored my calls. (I called twice in a row.) I msg him and asked whats wrong. I went on to say I am worried abt u. he then say I don’t have to worry abt me and thanked me for the concern. I asked him ‘u don’t want to talk me ever again?’. He went on to say I m always in my own world and always in a gaze. He said he obviously know how to read people but he couldn’t read me. I explained that I came from a strict family and I don’t have experience to interact with guys. Aft a few dialogues exchange I replied ‘thanks for letting me know. I feel better now.’; August 25, 2013 at 8:41 AM
AA said...: He msg me the next day (fri) asked me if I want to meet. We met but he was cold. Asked me if I still want to watch superman. I was surprised that he still remember I wanted to watch superman 20 days ago.

He still don’t initiate msg to me. On mon I asked him out and we met on wed. I told him the reason why I behaved weirdly. And told him to let me know asap if he found a friend online. Asked him if he has anything to tell me, he moved backward, smiled sheepishly and shook head. I asked him whats the reason that he is behaving this way. He shook his head, refused to say anything and blurted out ‘I have lost my pride.’ And he stood up ready to left the restaurant. I pretend that I didn’t hear it and asked him to repeat agn. He refused to.

When he sent me home, I turn off the car radio volume and reiterate myself agn. Asked him again for the reason for his behaviour. He looked amused and say ‘no, no. its ok now.’
so i sent him a good night msg

"i've told u my concern and the reason for my behaviour. Sometimes, i wonder if i'm just a Friday slot girl to u. whether u decide to clarify or not i will leave that up to u. Good night and take care."

(for the last 4 weeks he been asking me out on fri only)

he replied the next morning.
"Morning..... for all concerns which u wish to voice out loud.... just bring it on. Gd day and take care too."
I asked him ‘I thought I have already brought it up yesterday?’ he ignored.
I asked him out again. He replied, if he go out with me I will say I m a fri slot agn
I say i wont that say anymore

He "so please think otherwise. cos if u not interested to meet.... i can just go home.... i m knowing more friends but not desperate ok.... n not sick pervert people"

During fri dinner he said to me ‘u do not have good temper. Your tolerance level is very low. I have very high tolerance level. But once it reaches my limit then it’s ….’ He went on to tell me how his family does not tolerate tantrums and how he was brought up by beatings from his dad.

He went on to other stuff and showed me his brother watsapp conversation.

he seems happy to be with me. He tried to poke me several times with his umbrella and pretend to protect the popcorn from me during movie.

During this period of time I been sending him morning and night greeting. Tried to initiate conversation but his reply has been mainly few words ans. So I only said morning and night to him.

couple days later he told me he was caught by police and might be jailed or fined.
I tried to console him but was scolded. ‘I know u are try to help me. Thanks. But its USELESS ITS HOPELESS. IT’S ROTTEN. Nothing will help. Good night.’

I initiate msg agn the next day. He replied. asked him why and did he had his meal on time. He thought I was going to bring up the police case agn and ended conversation with ‘nite’
I was pissed off and stopped initiating msg. he finally initiate a good night msg to me.; August 25, 2013 at 8:42 AM
AA said...: On thurs night I asked him out on fri night.
He replied ‘what day is it?’
‘friday’
‘seeee. Will you be sensitive’
‘cos you like fri. How? ’

We met agn. But both were in bad mood. He was due to the police case, I was pissed off as I was offended by his whatsapp tone.

During dinner he asked me to decide for him what meal he should take and passed his food to me cos he finds it nice.

Halfway thr dinner he compared me with his subordinate and brought up an anecdote. He said he reprimands them harshly and yells at them. I was annoyed with this topic.

He asked ‘why do I sense resentment here?’
I frowned, rolled my eyes and answered ‘because I am not your employee’

‘I don’t care, if they can find a greener pasture then just leave.’

‘ya.. there should be’

He seems slightly taken back by my ans.
He cont ‘u can demand a lot from me, I will also demand a lot from you’

During shopping he was about to pay for the clothes he chose. Asked for my opinion and obediently put the clothes back.

He suggested movie. But I rejected cos I will dozed off in mid night movie. He seemed upset saying I am always asking him how? How?
He was speeding on the way home. I told him to slow down.

He ‘u see this bike? I m going to tailgate him’
‘y are u trying to stress him? Just let him be’
‘no~ becos u don’t allow me to speed so I tailgate him. If not you will scold me for speeding agn’
‘just drive the way u want’
‘no~ if not you will scold me again’

I was exasperated by his behavior. And he seems happy abt it.

I cont with the morning and night greeting. Sometimes he reply, sometimes he don’t.

Few days later I asked him out on fri. asked if he prefer sat instead. He said sorry he is out of town.; August 25, 2013 at 8:43 AM
AA said...: I was upset that he didn’t bother to tell me he is out of town. I told him to enjoy his trip. Asked him where he went, he said ‘nvm’. Few hrs later he told me the town. I wished him a happy journey and ended.

2 days later on sun, he msg ‘so tired’. I started the conversation and he sent me a photo he took during the journey. To my surprise, he started initiating morning msg to me from mon till wed. he said nothing else besides morning and sometimes night.

Wed night I said gd night to him.

He ‘good night. Tired. Sleeping too’

Tat was on 14 aug. both of us has stopped initiating msg to each other. our last met up was on 2 aug. we usually ask each other out on Thursday. I already expected him to stop msg by wed night.

I been feeling guilty that I have been mistreating him. Wonder if it was my fault. He is a thrifty person yet willing to spend on me for food and movie.

Do you think he will ever come back again?

Should I initiate msg to him again?

So sorry for the loooong winded post.

Currently I m in contact with a leo. He is not as persistent and generous as aries. We first met in grp on 3 aug and went out 1-1 once. Grp date twice. So far he has been messaging me few days a week. I have never initiated msg to him. He asked me out twice this week but I couldn’t make it. Should I ever initiate message to him? Thanks a lot!; August 25, 2013 at 8:44 AM
Anonymous said...: Hello, what an enlightening blog I've come across! Just read through the entire thread of this Aries post, am impressed at what I've learned and your knowledge of this sign, and hope you might have time to chime in on my Aries saga (although the last post was so long ago)!

I am nearly 40, Aquarius to the core. He is 42, Aries to the core. He has had me stumped and fascinated for nearly 25 years. It started out in school, we both were attracted to each other but nothing ever materialized, just insecure flirtations. I was a geeky late-bloomer, he was an attractive athletic guy, I assumed he had no interest, although he always joked that some day we would be together. He left for college, we stayed in touch, I went off to college 2 years later. He ended up joining the military and moved abroad, I visited him there a couple years later and sparks flew, we fell for each other and despite my hesitations about a long-distance relationship he convinced me we should try. I didn't sleep with him though he wanted to. Two weeks later, I was back at home, he stopped all contact, was nowhere to be found, a classic disappearing act. After months and months of tears and humiliation I was able to coax him into admitting to me he had met another girl and was head over heels in love with her. I was hurt but relieved to have an answer to why he was acting so cagey, eventually got myself over it (ok it took 3 years!) and moved on. My last year of college I ended up moving to his country for a year abroad, with no concrete intentions of getting together with him although I admit the fantasy was in the back of my head. It didn't happen. During that time we met once- he was still with his GF, and we just talked and made peace with how things had turned out. Shortly thereafter, I met someone else (Capricorn), began dating him seriously and ended up staying and still live in this country. A couple of years later Aries' GF broke up with him, he was devastated and came running to me. He claimed he was in love with me all along and wanted to be with me. I was skeptical, not wanting to be his rebound girl, but the attraction was there. I asked for some time to figure out my thoughts as I was still with the Capricorn, and he started to pressure me so much, assuming it was a sure thing, that the situation exploded and we ended up fighting and not speaking for 2 years. That was the last time I saw him, 12 years ago! I got more serious with Cap. in that time, Aries eventually found a new girl, things smoothed over, we got back in touch and had a few years of casual friendly chatter back and forth. I ended up marrying Cap. with whom I have a much calmer, sometimes (for me) too earnest connection. I admit Aries is always in the back of my head. He stayed with his new GF for 3 years, and she dumped him, he was devastated again, moved back home and settled down there and has (as far as I know) been single for 7 years. Over the years, we've kept in email contact, sometime very intense, with regular vanishing acts on his part. He vanishes often seemingly in the middle of an intense email conversation where he opens up or the discussion gets less superficial. It feels like someone walking away in the middle of the conversation- very humiliating for me. He usually stays away for about a year... (Cont.); September 6, 2013 at 4:49 AM
Anonymous said...: ... and then reappears via email with some "hey, I was busy doing XYZ, what's up". Up until now I was always relieved to hear back from him and then careful not to say or do anything that would push him away, but after the last reappearance I let him chase me down a bit. He knows that I am married with kids in the meantime. We ended up texting back and forth on a friendly, more superficial level, and talk on the phone once in a while. Mostly talking about old times, our families growing up, etc. I do not discuss my marriage with him, he knows it is stable and I will not jeopardize it. This last round of communication has gone on for almost a year. I have not seen him in 12 years, although several times we have had appointments to meet and all those times he either did not show up (then disappeared for a year), or cancelled with a very lame excuse at the last minute. This time, after our most "normal" and comfortable round of text/phone chatting since we've known each other, I suggested we meet next time I am back home visiting family. He showed some hesitation but could not explain why, however, he assured me we would get together this time and he would not disappear. We had a date set, I checked in regularly to gauge his comfort level, he assured me it would happen... then the day before, he told me "sorry, I don't think it's going to happen..." and gave me some lame excuses. I demanded a better excuse this time and would not let up, and after much back and forth, he said it was too much of a "test" for him because he still has feeling for me that he has managed to suppress until now, and he is afraid he will do or say something stupid and out friendship will end. I accepted that with a touch of shock and a touch of pleasure, because the unspoken tensions have finally been admitted to. He said he could not see me but we can still text and talk, and he just wants to remain friends. Then he disappeared. I texted him a few times (very superficially, nothing heavy) and got no acknowledgement. Two days ago I sent a last text telling him his behavior is disrespectful and unkind, and has happened so many times over the years that I do not want to deal with it anymore, and I will not contact him again. He did not acknowledge that. In retrospect (after reading this thread) I guess that I just made it easier for him, because that is exactly what he wanted.
Anyway, it is all so pathetic, firstly because I have been "chasing" this guy for so long, and because I am not ever totally able to move on and focus on now. I am happily married, though there are some aspects of my Cap. man that do not satisfy my need for spontaneity and silliness. Still, I cannot deny that this guy stole my heart years ago and is holding it hostage by way of his intriguing yet utterly frustrating behavior.
Anyway, I don't have a concrete question for you, I guess I'd just like your take on the situation and any hints you can give me on how to deal with this. I am not sure I am totally ready to cut the line here.; September 6, 2013 at 5:04 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous September 5, 5:04AM,
"I am not sure I am totally ready to cut the line here."

You should be dear. I mean, what's it going to take? He's shown you nothing but inconsistent, disrespectful, arrogant and ignorant behavior for 25 years. More than enough time for you to get a peek at what this man's character is truly like. Not to mention the fact that BOTH of his long term relationships with women ended with the WOMAN breaking up with HIM. So what's that tell you, ya' know?

Clearly, this man is NOT relationship material and I imagine that those other women suffered from his inconsistent, unreliable and unstable behavior and treatment as well. Do you want that to be you dear? I should hope not.

See this man for what he is. Don't glamorize him in your mind and forget the connection of many moons ago in your youth. Those days are gone, that fantasy is not the reality here. This is the type of man that would probably have no problem destroying your marriage (although he'd SAY he felt really bad about it) only to string you along endlessly with promises of commitment and a future - only to end up disappearing, acting flaky, unreliable, inconsistent and probably reckless with your feelings in the end. He's the kind of man that swings into a woman's life, promises great things and then falls flat on delivery - just as he's done with you for 25 years dear.

That's the reality. And it'd be wise for you to release the long-held fantasy regarding him as a result.

Do not take the good man you currently have for granted. Good men are hard to find dear. If your husband isn't spontaneous enough for you, that's okay. Because the trade off is - he's RELIABLE, he's CONSISTENT and he's STABLE. Yes, at times that seems boring. But when you compare it to a lifestyle of unreliability, inconsistency and instability - it's by far the much wiser choice.

This guy would never do anything other than what he's already shown you over the last 25 years. . .he'd ALWAYS disappoint you dear. Always.

Don't wish for that, don't long for it and don't glamorize it. Thank your lucky stars that you ended up with a good man, accept that everything happens for a reason - and do your best to leave this Aries where he belongs. . . .in the past dear.; September 8, 2013 at 11:01 AM
pisces girl said...: Mirror I feel like that describes my situation with an Aries to a T!(only not married) and im still trying to get over him after years of him being in and out of my life. Its hard at times but you said something that really resonated with me-stop glamorizing him,stop fantasizing about what could be and see him for he is and what he's showed you over the years meaning don't lie to yourself-the inconsistent unreliable poor treatment-mine was extremely selfish and I would always hold out for bits and pieces of his time and even then he was never fully present he was just there physically and your right that's not something we should long for EVER...even if there is a strong sexual, physical attraction-at the end of the day its not worth all the heartache, disappointments and tears-you are a God send mirror (hugs)xo; September 8, 2013 at 4:11 PM
Anonymous said...: Interesting stuff! I'm a Taurus/Aries cusp and my current interest is an Aries/Picies cusp. I've been friends with him for a while and am well aware of his Aries tendencies with women. I see that he gets bored so easily and goes through women like tissues lol! It doesn't seem to be with malice since he is loyal to them when he's with them but then just like that, it's on to the next! What's crazy is I see all this and still want him and the challenge of getting him to want me. It's nuts but I love Aries men and many of my female friends are Aries too. I was in this nearly 10 year on and off relationship with an Aries and he was the biggest jerk ever yet it was moth to a flame.; September 9, 2013 at 5:31 PM
Anonymous said...: From shinaaz: Hey there MOA, 1stly let me jst say tht this is an amazing site and ur wisdom has helped me through a very difficult time. Here goes with my story, all the way from sunny south africa lol.so I met this aries(17april dob) on a dating site 3and a half months ago and 2 months after chatting we agreed to meet in person, I had bn putting it off not meeting immediately. In the montth prior to meeting he was persueing me relentlessly even figuring out where I live and funstalking me by mesaging things like knock knock I'm at ur front door whch wd freak me out n he wd laugh he's head off. I found it extremely intrigueing how he wnt after me and enjoyed the attention immensely, well I agreed then to meet up personaly at mmy house for the 1st time. Things went very well and we hit it off very well. He even took to helping a friend build he's house near to my area so he cd be nearer to me for visitng. Whn we started chattng he had ttold me that he's in the proccess of buying a very exxpensive machine whch wd cost him a good couple of million from germany tht he is now going to sttart a new busness wth and he wd be one of only 3companys in the world tht wd hav this machine, most of our talks wd be about he's settng up" looking for bigger premises and he's general very obvious excitemnt about startng this new venture. We have met at my house about a dozen times and had good convos, made out quite a bit but he has always bn very respectfull in my decision not to have sex so soon, infact I got a bit carried away once and he stopped it and said we should calm down, so I know he was genuine in respecting my decision. These all happend in the last month. Continued; September 10, 2013 at 2:54 PM
Anonymous said...: From Shinaaz:. Continued: Now to the reason why I'm writing. About 7days ago, the day after we spent a nice afternoon tog I hdnt heard frm him like I usualy do and watsapp him a greetng whch I got no response from, mesaged an hour later asking whatts wrong n gt no respnse again, then was quite hurt and ddnt mesage again, tht was the saturday, by th mmonday I heard nothng still n was feelng quite rejected hurt and disrespected, decided to just get it over wth n mmesaged him saying if he was just not tht into me then man up n say it I can take it but this confusion is drivng me nuts, he respnds immed saying sorry he hasn't chatted for few days but he's mmeetng lawyers in an hour n he will let me know what happeng asap. By the evenng I still haddnt heard from him n decided he prob a coward n not wanting to tell me he's done, so I mesage him the following day, saying I'm sorry I'm so dumb n hom not gettng back to me shud b obvious to me, so I wish him a good life n everythng of the best, just wish he had the balls to tell me strate so I cd start moving on with mmy life. He then responds immediately wth this text. Hi S, I am so sorry for not chattng to u over the last couple of days, mmy ex has gotten wind of the project I am busy wth and wants half of the money that it is worth (R16million) her lawyer is a pitbull and is fighting her case very hard and means I will not be able to start this new busness and also not able to purchase the machine from germany. Me bn quiet has nothng to do wth u, iur an amazing women and I want to b wth u, but these last few days has bn hell wth my and her laywers. I mesage him back wth this mesage: I'm so sorry to hear this as I know how important this is for u. I cannot imagine waht u are going through, u do not have to apologize for not chatting as tht is irrelevant compared to how u disresepcted me by not replying to my texts. However let bygones b bygones and all is forgiven. If u need someone to talk to or just listen u have my nr and u know where I live, feel free. Stay strong and keep the faith. He responds wth " thank u for understanding and a kiss. That was 7days ago and I havnt heard from him again. Although I see him online on watsapp off n on. I had initiated no contact since my last mesage figuring I hv extended a frednly shoulder so the balls in he's court, so MOA, do I believe this guy? He never gave me reason to think he doeznt like me, and has bn the perfect gentleman, or is this yet anothe aries game? If true I know he must be devastated, do aries men isolate whn stressed, why then not even a hello on watsapp in this 7days,? So many thngs going through my head, I also know he's an only child from parents thst both only kids so he's kinda alone in this world, he has good friends though. He's singleparent to a son of 9 and bn div for about 5yrs, the ex is fighting that he hid this money at the time of div so she wants half. Pls pls tell me wht to do and if u think he will b back. Or if this is just a cock n bull excuse to fade away. I just dnt understand why he's not just saying hello whn he's clearly on watsapp now n then, I did get the impression in this last 3mnths tht I was the onlly one he chattted to via watsapp. So maybe think he comes online only to see if I'm online. My frend said to gve him time as he mmay be havng a tough time wth he's very bruised ego in not bn able to start this very important busness ie he's work, whch is very important to aries males.what is ur opinion on thisan pls pls do tell. Thanx sooo much; September 10, 2013 at 2:55 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi Mirror, Anonymous September 5, 5:04AM here!

Thank you for your response... I admit it was hard to swallow. I do realize this guy has been stringing me along for so many years and has not treated me as I deserve to be treated, but I always seem to find an excuse for his behavior... he has had some traumatic things happen to him as a kid, has moved around a lot in the military in the past 20 years, and when we do talk, he makes it clear that he is suffering emotionally, though he cannot bring himself to talk about the details of it. He tells me his behavior towards me has nothing to do with me, it is a result of his own issues. So I feel sorry for the guy, and feel like somehow I can help him.
Honestly, I wish he would just find a good woman to love so that I can accept that he is not available in any way to me, know that he is in good hands, so that I can focus on my own life.
He explained his inability to bring himself to meet me this way: He has had ongoing strong feelings for me, he respects my marriage and obligation to my kids, and seeing me might cause him to do something that would jeopardize my current stability. I, on the other hand, feel that I have come to terms with the fact that although I have feelings for him, I accept that we cannot and will not be together, and wish that I could see him in person so that I can stop glamorizing. (In the past, seeing him in person was always a wake-up call for me, I was able to see all his faults right there in front of me and I was able to move away from glamorizing). Now that the contact is never in person, and always interesting and fun while it's happening, he can hide his faults to some extent by simply disappearing, I cannot find a way to stop this pattern of making excuses for him.
I see that you are right- I need to move on... but HOW? I feel empathy for him, and responsible as the oldest friend he has to try to help him. I could cut the line if I were angry enough at him to do so, but my empathy for him always overrides my anger, and I can't bring myself to do it.; September 11, 2013 at 4:04 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous September 5, 5:04AM,
Well it might help dear to first figure out why you feel such a responsibility to this man. Particularly one that doesn't treat you well. Do you need to feel needed possibly? I'd give that some thought.

Next, you need to accept that you cannot "save" people. Many women believe this is possible and they take on men as a "project" of sorts. They believe they're different and that through that, they have the power to change/save/help someone - that doesn't even want their help. It happens with drug addicts, alcoholics, abusers, etc. and when you find yourself making excuses for their behavior you actually begin to fall into the territory of an "enabler" which is someone who, via making excuses for the individual all the time, actually unknowingly "enables" the individual to continue doing whatever self-destructive thing it is that they do.

By making excuses for him, you are enabling him to continue to swing in and out of your life at will, never holding him accountable for his treatment of you and giving him a free pass to continue to abuse your friendship. Know what I mean? You can't move on because you keep making excuses not to. Things like "he has had some traumatic things happen to him as a kid, has moved around a lot in the military in the past 20 years, and when we do talk, he makes it clear that he is suffering emotionally, though he cannot bring himself to talk about the details of it."

We've all had traumatic things happen to us dear and we've all suffered or are currently suffering emotionally and find it difficult to discuss. But that does not provide us with excuses to go around taking advantage of the kindness of others and then having no accountability for those actions - that is, unless of course, someone close to us provides us with that excuse - in which case, we are then granted a free pass to behave as an opportunist and treat others poorly.

In otherwords, the behavior is only permitted when an individual grants us the excuse.

If you haven't been able to help this man in 25 years, if he has basically refused your assistance for 25 years, why then do you feel that will miraculously somehow change now? Could it be because you somehow feel YOU need HIM? Could you be cloaking your need to feel needed with his needing someone to provide excuses for him? He needs someone to need him (so he can get away with what he does) and you may need to feel needed - does that make sense or resonate with you at all? Could it be that your stable lifestyle leaves you feeling unnecessary in some manner? Meaning, everything is going fine and you don't feel you're needed in the equation? And then comes along this man, who has a need, and you need to feel needed, so it kinda "clicks" for you and feels more like a "fit" in some way?

If any of that resonates with you dear, please recognize that that is a very unhealthy connection and one based on "neediness" - dependence - versus independence and health. It's what's technically termed co-dependence and most people that find themselves in the position of an enabler with someone else are actually co-dependent themselves.

And please realize, none of that is meant to be insulting. It's no sin to be an enabler or to be co-dependent. I imagine we've all been there at one stage in life or another because the reality is, we're all human and that type of behavior is a tendency of human behavior. You just need to recognize it for what it is if you think that's what's happening here and then accept that it's not in your best interest and begin to change your thought patterns with regards.

Don't give too much of yourself away freely dear to those that are not appreciative of the gift they're receiving. Remember that - do not give yourself away freely. You are valuable, what you have to give is valuable and as such, you guard that. It is not free, it is earned :-); September 11, 2013 at 8:09 AM
Anonymous said...: It's Anonymous Aquarian September 5, 5:04AM again:

Thanks MOA for your frank advice. I know you are right. Maybe it is a need to be needed somehow. One odd thing though is that although I like to feel I am able to help others, I feel stifled and even a bit repulsed if they cling or show constant neediness- that is, if I can't choose when I dedicate my time to them or not, I can't deal with it. Maybe that's the difference here... I see the need for help but he refuses it. It's an interesting challenge to me.

Still, for the record, it's not just the "helper syndrome" that attracts me to this Aries. It's his energy, his humor, his way of thinking that is so different than mine. In fact, I have very often been attracted to Aries men (but never actually "caught" one!).

Anyway, I do see that this is going nowhere and sapping my energy.

What is your advice for me when he eventually does get back in touch?; September 12, 2013 at 3:10 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi Mirror,
I'm having a 'relationship' with an Aries man- he pursued me for three years but I was never that interested eventhough he kept telling me he was 'mine'. We got things together at the beginning of the year but I have some issues so I've been really hestitant with him. We've had our rows as he's a bit flirt. He knows lots of other women but he always comes back so I'm beginning to trust him a bit more. I'm a Scorpio - I really adore him when he's with me but am not really pushing the relationship forward. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not!! Any advice?; September 12, 2013 at 6:30 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Shinaaz,
"do I believe this guy?"

I wouldn't dear. There's no proof yet as to what he's saying, nor is there an explanation as to why his wife would want half of the debt for a million dollar machine. Because the reality is, he doesn't own that machine free and clear, so what he's saying about her wanting half, makes absolutely no sense - because all he's going to have from that machine is debt. He doesn't OWN it, he will OWE ON IT - and his wife wants half the debt for a million dollar machine??? Doesn't make any sense.

"the ex is fighting that he hid this money at the time of div"

If that's the case and she wants half, then she is absolutely entitled to it dear. And what you should be asking yourself is, "Why would I want to be with a man who treats a woman he loved like this?" Because that could be you someday, chasing him around after finding out that he's hidden things from you that you're entitled to. It says a lot about his character and it's not good dear. If he can hide things from her and he loved her - then he's definitely capable of hiding things from you just the same.

The whole thing sounds a bit shady and convoluted at this point. It's still too early to tell, but I would NOT buy everything this man is feeding you at this time. He's already shown you that he's capable of deceit and deception (hiding stuff from his ex wife) - and that's not a trait of a good man dear :-(; September 12, 2013 at 12:33 PM
Anonymous said...: Hey there MOA its shinaaz again. Its bn 9days since I started the no contact rule and as such have not heard from him again. a lot of my corrrrespndence wth clients is done via watsapp unfortunately so I cannot practice the dissapearing off the face of the earth method there as he can see whn I'm online. I get the impression he watches whn I'm online wondering why I'm not greetng as I always have before. He stays online for only as long as I am online( I go peep few second after I go offline so I know) I think he's wanting me to make the 1st move , whch I wnt) thanx tto u:) so aphro, do u think he will make contact again? If he doez what do I do? How do I greet? I am totaly clueless. Oh and in ref to the machine, he is quite well off and negotiations was in place for the purchase of the machine not via credit. He also has full custody of he's son and tthe ex lives in another state hardly ever sEeing the son I believe she was quite a bad ass and still is wth him according to fam of mine that lives in he's area and know tthe ex's fam. Pls let me know what ur thoughts are as to what u thnk he will do and whatt I shud do if he contacts me again, and also what do I do when I "poke" him as I read u mentioned somewhere?thanx again; September 12, 2013 at 5:28 PM
Anonymous said...: Wow..I'm an Aries male and much of what is written above is very accurate. I can agree that we are a pain to argue with bc we won't let the other person "win", we...or I should say, I, am definitely passionate in a relationship and like jumping in with both feet. The time spent together is usually amazing but breakups...yeah, a bit vindictive. We are dramatic and do talk a lot. However, I can definitely poke fun at myself as she suggests and I am a hardworker and dependable...a good friend. She seems to relate Aries men to a those with a narcissistic personality...which is not even close to me. I tend to be loud, but passive. I don't like to put others down and don't make it about "me" nearly enough. In fact, putting everyone else before myself and making it about them is a flaw of mine which has caused a huge lack of respect from a rather large group of "friends". Regardless... although my personality overall is not exactly as she outlines in regards to " narcissism", I certainly see why she describes us as such. We are a fun, wild ride but when the rides over we can be dramatic and annoying; September 13, 2013 at 4:54 AM
Anonymous said...: I spend my time reading all the comments from on this site and it like if Aries are really bad boyfriends, husbands to be with. We are all different but (I don't want to be rude) be happy with what you got or let it go.

I am 26 years old male, Aries and my girlfriend is 22 years old Pisces. We have been together for 4 years and it been 3 months not talking or seeing each other.

I ‘m always faithful to her and i believe she will talk to me again...but, When? I mean...she’s a Pisces and Pisces take ages to recover i can wait as long it take and if she’s dating someone else. I will do anything to show that my life worth much more than i was with her.

I never believe in horoscope but i haven’t yet found any fault in what i read that matches me.

She’s always happy with me and she knows who can make her laugh, happy, whatever she need when she need it. She like chilling most of the time reading book, course work and watching TV.

I am a sprinter and it always fair for her to lock me inside but it nearly always and argument to take her out. I have to fight to get her out the house. It does make us laugh when we talk thinking back our argument we had but this time she goes i am slaving her that she can’t do anything and she complains she miss going out, clubbing and spending time with her friends...etc that her freedom is mine. Wait a min I’m the one who always have to drag you out.

I find it easy to admit things but i hate when someone comes in my way defending her, talking and acting like they know everything went on when she can talk for herself and i am listening....I mean her female friends.

I got angry and I was rude to her and she stop talking and seeing

For everything i have done for her, how can she blank me? Why is it only her who is allow to be rude and mean... I don’t get it.

Can you help?; September 14, 2013 at 5:49 PM
William said...: I am an Aries male. After reading through a lot of these comments I must say, this has definitely reinforced my decision not to date again. I'm 20, And a lot of these comments i see just drain the hell out of any thought of dating and discourages it quite a bit. My ex was a Pisces and it took me a few years to get over her, but Ive honestly never been happier with her now gone. There was always something in the back of my mind telling me something was wrong. Come to find out she was cheating on me, she was hiding problems from me and never wanted to open up(which were serious health concerns), but most of all, she was damn near a pathological LIAR. I was VERY patient with this young woman and whenever she wanted to talk i would always listen and never turn her away. 2 years of friendship 1 year of intimacy then 2 years of partnership. All down the drain. I remember sending her a care package with very HIGH quality chocolates, a few gifts, some flowers, a card, a letter, and a teddy bear from build-a-bear workshop. Yeah that's right, i loved her that much, that me, an Aries, just as manly as the rest , went into a build-a-bear workshop and made her teddy bear and even put a little beating heart in its chest, so when you hugged it, the teddy bear would vibrate with an artificial heartbeat. love truly does make you do ridiculous things. She ended up leaving me. I guess she gave into her dads pressuring (he never liked me from the start because i called him out on how he treated my ex). I sent her an email telling her if i hurt her or anything that i apologize and if she needed anything i was still here. I moved on since then and its been almost 3 years. A huge and most part of me does not want to date again after that, and i don't, especially with how the way things turned out last time because that really sucked ass. I'm fine with being single if that means i don't get my heart broken and screwed over again. That was too much to deal with at that time with everything that was going on in my life then, so i prefer just to be friendly with everyone i meet, man or woman alike and stay just friends.; September 16, 2013 at 2:56 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @William,
There are many out there in the same boat as you, male and female. But don't let that discourage you from love my friend. Yes, barriers to our hearts must be put into place for safety, but if you are patient and have an open heart, the right individual will find it's way into it.

I'm sorry that you've experienced what you have. As you can see, you're not alone in that. But you can't let one disappointment or one heartbreak stop you dead in your tracks. And you can't label all women "bad" women, just like women can't label all men "bad" men.

The men we discuss on this site do hail from the "bad" guy category - but that's not to say that there aren't good men still out there and much of what I share on this site is geared towards weeding through the idiots and users to only let the good ones pass through.

And you can do that too. You can weed through the users and the liars, and only let the good women pass :-); September 16, 2013 at 8:58 AM
Anonymous said...: Husband is Aries with Scorpio rising, Cancer moon - I'm Virgo, Gemini rising, Capricorn moon. Probably a match made in hell - feels like it! So - the question - Experiences with Aries male....

Selfish. Narcissistic. Superiority-complex. Unrealistic. Defensive. Childish. Insolent. Uncompromising. Game-player. Sex-obsessed. Hypocrite. Controlling. Bully. Passive-aggressive. Cruel. Liar. Drama Queen! Oh the dramas never end.
10 years of this, 7 years of marriage and I'm a shadow of my former self. He has drained me, changed me, called me Boadicea at first because I "dared" to walk into the restaurant first, thereby not allowing him to open the door. I should have run away at this point. His good points are loyalty, faithfulness (as far as I know), high morals and standards.
He runs rings round me verbally - I always said he should be a lawyer. Everything is always a big deal. Told me that HE should be "my number one" and always put him first (his mum told him that). Also demanded 100% respect, ALL of the time. Not enough space here and some of the memories I'd rather keep buried.
Suffice to say I am now pursuing divorce. I need to find myself again and I need peace in my life.
Will never go near an Arien again - ever.; September 17, 2013 at 9:27 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous September 17, 9:27AM,
Good luck to you dear. I have a feeling that you're going to really enjoy discovering yourself again :-)

Don't worry, your former self is not lost. It's only been overshadowed by a very selfish man whose needs became first and foremost. With him gone, you and your needs, wishes and desires can now be truly explored.

Enjoy EVERY SINGLE BIT OF IT dear ;-); September 17, 2013 at 10:04 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Nelson,
Well my friend, let's explore this a bit. And bear with me here, I don't want to offend you, I want to help you and in order to do that, we have to explore what went wrong, what she was unhappy about.

First let's look at this comment:

"I never believe in horoscope but i haven’t yet found any fault in what i read that matches me."

I gather that you're agreeing with what was written here. And if that's the case, then you admit to being a bit self-centered and a bit controlling.

Next, you say:

"I have to fight to get her out the house. . .she goes i am slaving her that she can’t do anything and she complains she miss going out, clubbing and spending time with her friends etc that her freedom is mine."

Then you say:

"Wait a min I’m the one who always have to drag you out. . .she can talk for herself and i am listening"

But ARE you REALLY listening to her? I don't think so. Because if you were really listening to HER, listening to HER NEEDS and what SHE NEEDS from a man to make HER HAPPY - you would've caught this:

"she miss going out, clubbing and spending time with her friends...etc that her freedom is mine."

She's telling you that she misses spending time with her friends - ALONE. And that you are controlling her, controlling her freedom, because you don't let her go out with her friends - ALONE - and the only time she gets to go out is when she's with YOU. You are controlling HER FREE TIME.

Then you say:

"I got angry and I was rude to her and she stop talking and seeing. . .Why is it only her who is allow to be rude and mean... I don’t get it."

I must be missing something because I don't see where SHE was rude or mean? Did she try to control YOUR FREE TIME? Did she try to tell YOU that you can't go out with your friends WITHOUT HER? Did she try to control who YOU spend time with and WHERE you spend that time with your friends and WHEN you're able to do that?

She was telling you that you were controlling her free time and that you weren't allowing her to spend time ALONE with her friends - and you didn't HEAR that and you were only permitting her to spend time with her friends, when she was with YOU.

She needed some space my friend, and you didn't give it to her. She felt controlled by you and she felt like HER life was more about YOU than it was about HER - because you were not attempting to fulfill HER NEEDS of free time with her friends.

"how can she blank me?"

She did that because you were not fulfilling her needs my friend. You were not hearing what she was telling you and you were controlling who she spent time with and how she spent that time and you were insisting that it was with YOU and her friends, when she really wanted to be ALONE with her friends sometimes. Get what I'm saying?

If you want to speak to her again, you might try contacting her via email or text (since she won't respond to your calls) and apologizing to her for being a bit controlling of her free time and who and how she spent it and then asking her if you two could talk about it. Tell her that you've seen the error of your ways and that you understand that her needs were not being fulfilled and that you'd like to talk about it.

And then wait and give it a week or two and see if she responds. Telling her that you now finally see what she was saying and apologizing to her might make her realize that you've given this some proper thought and you're taking it and her seriously and that you'd like to repair things with her.

It may or may not work - but if you care for her, it's worth a try my friend. Good luck!!; September 17, 2013 at 10:25 AM
Anonymous said...: First I'll get this out of the way- Yes I'm an Aries-
But for the record - Anybody can act as selfish and childish and psychopathic and...ect no matter what sign you are. Any of these traits, you'll see anywhere, if you look hard enough.
Yeah- we can be real jerks. I'd like to say something cool like "It's never a good idea to play with fire" but you know what? If the Aires was wrong then they were wrong. Nothing more to it right? Also, my hair happens to be long (Had to throw that one out there...sorry)
I liked your "talking" comment about us. Because I can talk my ass off but.. It's a lie. I'm the most anti social person I know. (Not because I have a Better-than-you attitude) it's a wall. My charm, My deceit and my rage are not for me. It's to keep you (anyone I don't trust) out. I guess in that way I am pretty sensitive. Almost like a child. But my "Love" is never selfish or demanding. I mean I can act like a monster worthy to be shot down on sigh- But I do, without a doubt care very, very much.
Maybe I have a some self recognition? No. I grew up with a Cancer. Who really should be a Scorpio. And I picked up a TON of water sign traits. I also never get jealous to the point of rage. I just feel down or out right ignore the person and pretend I'm better than them. It's a mask. I feel the complete opposite And people usually fall for it. But I am no baby. no matter how "selfish" and "Infantile" I'm always in control and grounded of myself. I need to because I can't think fast on feet. Not because I'm any natural born leader. And you don't hear anyone saying every Taurus is a Hitler right? I don't care about the criticisms. I agree with most of them- Like the contractor who lied to impress. I've done that a lot. Badly. Much, much worse than your guy. But never for my own glory or recreational purposes. I just didn't know any better and lying was a way to get people to like me. I didn't need to be told I was the best or anyone to compliment me. I jut wanted to be liked, like everyone else does. In hindsight- Yes. Bad idea. Lying isn't a way to help yourself with friends.
My point though is that any star sign can victimize another. I'm no better or worse than any other star sign out there. So there's my rant.; September 19, 2013 at 10:55 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Aries Male,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts my friend. One clarification however - the post is titled "experiences" with an Aries male. . .MY experiences. Naturally, online horoscopes and/or sun sign horoscopes will not apply to every single individual on the planet because - we're all unique.

As a result, these are general tendencies and characteristics - that I've noticed about Aries men that I've encountered. And while they have their positive traits, I feel it's necessary to differentiate myself in my observations and instead of providing another "fluffy" peaches and cream profile, like the millions of others out there, I chose to address the lesser discussed traits.

With that out of the way, I like this:

"you don't hear anyone saying every Taurus is a Hitler right?"

Again, naturally every profile does not provide a cookie-cutter insight into every human being as all are only general traits. However, as a Taurus, I am fully 100% aware of the "rage" trait, much like that of a charging bull, that Taurus folks can posses, LOL. It's a known fact that Taurus individuals can indeed "see red" when enraged and any Taurus individual that denies that would be lying to themselves.

And speaking of Hitler, did you know that he's an Aries/Taurus cusp? A cusp that is one of, if not the MOST, intense cusp of the Zodiac - and a cusp that I, myself, fall only two days from, LOL ;-) It's very often referred to as "The cusp of power."

But as you can see, I've accepted that truth about myself, I'm at peace with it, I'm aware of it and I'm not offended by it. It is what it is.

"I don't care about the criticisms."

Don't get confused my friend, this profile isn't an attempt at criticism - it's meant to help Aries "see" themselves as others do, so that they can become "self aware" and be mindful of the impression they send to others via their behavior. In other words, these insights are intended for purposes of self-growth - not criticism, and I am often misunderstood for that.

"Yeah- we can be real jerks."

"I can act like a monster worthy to be shot down on"

"I just feel down or out right ignore the person and pretend I'm better than them"

While you've provided your explanations for this type of behavior (and I thank you for that), on the same token - are you able to truly understand and perceive how that type of behavior appears to others?

That's the purpose of this post my friend - not for criticism, but for insight meant to generate inner growth and development ;-); September 20, 2013 at 11:24 AM
William said...: @themirrorofaphrodite

"And you can't label all women "bad" women, just like women can't label all men "bad" men."

Where in my post did you get the impression? I don't see anything in my post that would broadcast that mindset or statement. I guess you misunderstood?

I do the same thing with myself. I shun the spotlight. I do not desire to be the center of attention, i just dont like being around many people in general. Your average person is a moronic nightmare with his/her head so far up their ass their adam's apple is their nose. Id rather surround myself with people who arent a chip off the old block and who can think for themselves, without spewing subjects from a magazine or t.v. show or facbook. I like intelligence, i like intriguing conversations, i like substance and personality and character. You don't see that as much anymore. Most people are zombified by t.v.,social media ,and smart phones that think for them. Its a major turn off. Id rather talk about how to build a club house or go zip-lining . I dislike hearing about what hair salon this girl went to, to get her nails done, or how Joe blow brags about how he can bench press 600 pounds 20 times.

As far as dating is concerned, that wasn't my first rodeo. However, its not that it ruined my choice to not date. I just don't want to have to go through that again EVER. I dislike being vulnerable, and that made me very much so. In this day in age, you cant let vulnerabilities slow you down or they will eat you from the inside out and contribute to your downfall. I want to be successful in a career and in physical as well as monetary wealth. Do i need someone else to accomplish this? no. So therefore the only liability is yourself and the choices you make in life with no one to blame but yourself. That's why being a single man is appealing to me. My ex didn't ruin anything, except my opinion of her. If i wanted to, i could get another woman, i wouldn't even have to date. It could be a one night stand. But i'm not like that. That would make me feel to vulnerable and empty inside. The greatest strength of all comes from within ones self.

"fall seven times, stand up eight." ~ Japanese Proverb; September 21, 2013 at 11:38 PM
aries said...: omg i'm aries female and you have described me lol tho i have to say i prefer to see it as testing people rather than playing games. i am 100% loyal but only to the worthy and i weed out the crap. i've been dating an aries man and i've learnt so much about myself because of him an his crazy ways. He is a male me and frankly it has been a real eye opener. I am changing my ways lol; September 29, 2013 at 7:46 PM
cazknits said...: Hi MoA, it is cazknits again. Aries male is in my life, not dating, but talking to me. It's like I'm on the north pole one minute, south pole next minute with him and personally...I want to be on the equator! I'm trying very hard not to fall in love with him. I am in love with him. He greets me and my kids and sometimes my kids just run to his kids at church.

I enjoy his kids more than him sometimes... lol They are quite fun to be with but I think I goofed up this past Sunday. I believe he asked how we were, another girl he speaks to frequently and me. I didn't say much. I spent my time playing with all the kids at the church party we were at. I observed his behavior but I have genuine care for him. I'm afraid I will be deceived by him so I'm taking baby steps.

He stopped the warrior like behavior and started to become nice to me but I still have this fear of being attacked by him if I give his daughter a birthday present. I've known his kids for years but I'm still unsure after the May flare up by him.

My gut tells me to give the birthday gift. My daughter loves his daughter and vice versa. I don't want to give him too much interest and lose him. I'm not sure of how to play it. What do you think?; October 1, 2013 at 5:52 PM
Anonymous said...: Another Aries here. Two months ago I was informed in graphic detail that my Taurus wife of 15 years has been having a 18-month affair (with a married Leo guy, they were "so much in love"). I was pretty wild in my youth until I met my wife and I have never been unfaithful to her. I have worshiped her, treated her like a princess, professed my love to her every single day, and I am great in bed. But I wasn't her "soul mate". Urgh.... Anyway, as soon as the affair was discovered, the Leo man threw her under the bus and ran back to his wife. A typical emotions-for-sex story, what can I say. It's astounding how naive and stupidly flattered a Taurus woman can be if a man, any man, complements her and showers her with expensive gifts and meals. She is beyond remorseful now and hasn't tried to hide any of the details regarding the affair. She is brave enough to own up to her shit, I give her credit for that. She is still stunningly beautiful, but I realize now that she is also shallow, naive, and self-centered. She totally agrees with my assessment but says that she has always been like that, I just chose to blindly trust her. I still love her like crazy, but I am trying to detach. I will detach and move on. She broke my heart, wasted a good portion of my life, and caused me so much emotional damage that I was physically ill for several weeks. I am going to divorce her. Screw me if I ever even look at another deceitful, self absorbed, idiotically naive Taurus woman.; October 2, 2013 at 4:48 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Aries Male,
I'm sorry that happened to you and I thank you for sharing your story. While I do not believe how your wife handled her unhappiness was the right way to go about things, I will say, as a woman and a Taurus, that it's much more complicated than dinner, compliments and naivete. Most likely there are much deeper issues surrounding value and appreciation swirling around.; October 3, 2013 at 12:14 AM
Anonymous said...: @The Mirror of Aphrodite,

"Much deeper issues surrounding value and appreciation swirling around?" Please elaborate. I really don't get it.

I have been nothing but appreciative of her, literally worshiped her. What on earth could she have been missing? Actually, I know what. In the past couple of years we have been in debt, due to unforeseeable circumstances. I admit that getting out from under has been tough. Not been able to spend money as she wishes and economizing has been literally killing her. She has said it more than once. The other guy is loaded (mergers and acquisitions) and showered her with expensive attention. I have a job in the academia, which I love, but it doesn't make you exactly rich. All my life I have pursued knowledge and new experiences -- we've visited more than two dozen countries on three continents -- and she was happy to follow. Until she had had enough and wanted to have a glamorous glitzy life like all her former friends from the exclusive college she attended.; October 3, 2013 at 10:42 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Aries Male,
I could be wrong here, and I don't mean to offend, if I do, my apologies in advance, but I'm going to speak freely here to dig into this a bit so bear with me.

I get the impression that you've associated her with "stuff" - meaning, materialistic. And while yes, Taurus has a love of nice things, it's not about the "stuff" - it's about the "senses." Taurus are very sensual and anything that stimulates the senses is admired, meaning, scents that stimulate, sights that stimulate, textures that stimulate, touch that stimulates, food that stimulates - it's about the "feeling" evoked.

If a Taurus is not experiencing stimulation, they feel stifled. Now don't get me wrong, a Taurus's life doesn't consist of fine wine, furs, big houses and fast cars - small thing can provide just as much stimulation and evoke just as many positive feelings.

Having said that, my comment of deeper issues of value and appreciation swirling around meant - I sense she may have been feeling a bit stifled emotionally. Meaning, she may have felt a lack of feeling and/or intimacy in her life. She may have felt undervalued and under appreciated. And if that was the case, when someone else comes along and stimulates those areas for her, areas of appreciation, value and emotional intimacy - she easily fell prey. I'm not condoning that behavior from her, I'm simply attempting to reach the "complicated" issues that I feel are underlying the situation possibly. What she did wasn't right, however, that may possibly be the reason she did it.

If a Taurus or a woman, any woman for that matter, makes her entire life about someone else, supports someone, follows someone, sets her wishes and desires aside for someone - she doesn't mind doing so, IF she's receiving an "emotional" payback for that. Meaning, if she's appreciated, valued, cherished and is experiencing emotional intimacy in return.

However, if for years her life has been about someone else and she is NOT receiving emotional intimacy in return and experiencing stimulation of the senses in the form of romance, appreciation, loving closeness and feeling valued for her support - she and anyone else on the planet for that matter can fall prey to someone who comes along and provides those things, thus filling the emotional void in her life.

Again, not making it the right thing to do - but just explaining why it does happen at times unfortunately. And that doesn't mean it's all your fault if that is indeed what happened. It takes two to tango and her job as your mate was/is to communicate her needs to you and to communicate any unhappiness to you that may exist to give you the opportunity to attempt to fulfill her emotional needs and do your job as her husband.

Cont. . .; October 4, 2013 at 8:53 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: There's a member of this community, Gemini, and she may be able to further add to the concept I'm attempting to share here. Gem, if you're reading and you can relate, feel free to jump in.

Because lack of emotional intimacy, lack of feeling valued and lack of romance and feeling appreciated can also lead to what is termed as an "emotional affair" - where the individual has their emotional needs fulfilled by an outside party while remaining in their marriage and being physically faithful to their spouse.

Either way, generally with women, not always but many times, cheating signals a lack of emotional intimacy, connection, romance, feeling valued and feeling appreciated. Which is why I tend to think this wasn't about the "stuff" this man provided necessarily. It was about the "feeling" and emotional fulfillment that his special treatment of her may have provided her, filling an existing emotional/intimate void in her life that may have possibly existed. This treatment may have made her feel sexy again, desired again, valuable again, appreciated again.

Once more, I'm not condoning her behavior and none of this is an excuse for it - but it could possibly be the explanation for it, ya' know what I mean?

I hope this helps to some degree.; October 4, 2013 at 8:53 AM
Gemini50 said...: @ Aries Male,

I read your post the other day and heard your frustration and anger. I can’t respond to the “Taurus woman” thing; all I know is me. I’m a 51 yo Gemini woman, single, was married young (to an Aries) and divorced young. I raised my kids for 8 yrs alone until I “lived in sin” with a Sag for 15 years.

I am not proud to say that I had two emotional affairs during my time with Sag, but it’s the truth. I did not allow it to get physical, but I certainly fell for these men emotionally. And the reasons I became emotionally involved with these men are exactly how Ms. Mirror explains it. I was not getting my emotional needs fulfilled w/Sag. It was not his responsibility to make me happy, but in the same breath, it WAS his responsibility to work equally hard at keeping our hearts connected. Instead he became comfortable and lazy, and I FELT the load of the relationship was on me – and it was exhausting.

Yes, I tried to talk with him, to let him know how I felt, but instead of changing with me, as some people can, he dug in his heels. And because I was afraid of ending it with him – what will people think? – how will I manage everything financially? -- And sadly: what do I owe him for helping me and my kids so long ago? -- I didn’t end it at year 8 when I wanted to. And instead, when I met a man on a business trip, we became friends. And he was able to make me feel connected to a future w/happiness again.

But I did not allow the relationship to get physical; that was my line in the sand for “cheating.” And so it ended.

Then I met another man on a work trip a couple yrs later, and we became long distance friends for 7 years – and again, he filled my emotional needs. His comfort 1,000 miles away made me feel safer than coming home to the Sag every night. And with this man, there would be months that we didn’t communicate. But we knew we were always there for each other to talk to, to share a laugh, to listen and to support if we wanted/needed it.

I think Magic is when two people change and grow together. Please don’t blame this on “Taurus” women, or all women. I believe that everything we experience is because we are meant to. And sometimes the things we go thru are not directly meant for us, but the ‘powers that be’ know we can handle it. Maybe this is something that the wife needs to go thru; and unfortunately, you are on the receiving end of it right now.

You have not wasted 15 years. You have been living a life. I understand you are angry, hurt, disappointed, embarrassed, fucking pissed! right now. If I can give you one piece of advice from your post, it would be to NOT listen to any more of the wife’s “details” of her affair. What happened between her and the married man is none of your business. This is stuff she is going to have to figure out, just as you figure out your life.

Take life one day or hour at a time and do not add to the pain the wife has caused. If you have kids, be the best father you can be for them.

Please keep in touch. We’ve been on the receiving end of your experience as well. My x-husband was also a cheater and he was cruel as he made sure I found out about his escapades. The first man I was involved with after my divorce was also an Aries and a liar/cheater. We know what you are going thru.; October 5, 2013 at 4:45 PM
OneReal1 said...: I am an Aries male born on April 19th I believe this is day before Taurus the Bull. I myself useto like the chase/ hunt. As I became older the Games Stoped... I like to be honest some people say I'm brutally honest because I pull no punches and I focus all my power on good in all honesty I will fight for those who are not strong enough to fight for themselves. I don't sugar coat anything for anyone. For me to chase doesn't last too long because if you are not interested I will move on to the next deserving woman who would be interested. I am an Aries male but without a lot of the foolishness and games. I do like to laugh and enjoy living life.; October 6, 2013 at 2:05 PM
OneReal1 said...: I don't like to draw a lot of attention to myself. I am built for survival!!; October 6, 2013 at 2:11 PM
Anonymous said...: I have recently met an Aries male. I'm a libra female. The chemistry between us when we first met was AMAZING. I'm a huge flirt and i LOVE being single. I didnt even care to take him seriously. i came to him for sexual needs and company. After a week or two, i caught myself started to be "Caring". I have a busy schedule, and his schedule is SUPER busy. We only see each other once a week.. or. whenever he's free, which is very unfair . Anywho, we have been arguing like crazy. almost everyday. he's like a sweetheart by day, and a jerk by night . I would end things and he would come after me begging for chances over and over again... yet all of those pretty, lovely, beautiful words didnt mean a thing. He's selfish, insecure , controlling and very self-centered. He wants me all to himself, but he wouldn't do anything to "sweep me off my feet". He cant keep his words , doesnt remember his promises, and always... ALWAYS believe he was right. The stuff he have said to me are cruel, rude, mean, and heartless... and then he will just say he misses me like nothing happened.

I have recently told him to leave me alone. i dont have time for this . He is a handful. i guess he can go and find "the real woman" of his dreams... or should i say.. anyone stupid enough to put up with it. i am officially done, and it has only been two months of talking... or... in this case, ARGUING. So immature. He can;t stand the fact that i have my own life, and that i am as popular as he is. He wants me to stay home while he "hustle". Forget that, im a Libra, i love meeting people . lol. Its hard to just ignore him though because i did catch feelings. but i believe i am strong enough.; October 25, 2013 at 9:48 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi there. After reading all this I am a little scared of my aries man. I am a cancer female and dating very briefly, an aries man. Literally a little over a week. We met online, my first online meet ever. I swear it was love at first sight. For both of us. We both got a little intoxicated on our second date, had a blast! But the L word was used. He went out of town for work and is coming back tomorrow. He is telling me he wants to be open and honest; he was seeing a few girls prior to me and has since cut contact with all but one only because he promised to take her out for her bday tomorrow. I understand it's so new between us and I am cutting ties to previous guys I was just talking to as well but him telling me this and telling me he sees where it's going and he's excited about it and saying "I love you" to my name.... And says the sweetest things I've ever heard.... Is this an aries game? Or is he truly feeling this now but won't in a week! Ugh, I'm going crazy. I just want to protect myself or give in to what I'm feeling...; November 15, 2013 at 4:30 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Nov 15, 4:30 AM,
It's way too early to tell dear. The only way a woman can know if a man is genuinely interested is to see if he pursues her (and treats her right and does what he says he's going to). So you need to date him more and observe his ACTIONS (ignore his words) to find out if he's the one.

And be careful - men readily participate in a lot of fantasy talk.

I'm not saying that's what's taking place here, but honestly dear, how can you be in love with someone after two dates? How do you even know the person after only two dates, ya' know?

I'd take talk like that that starts way too soon and very early on with a grain of salt. In all reality dear, it's a red flag. Things that start off fast and quick and hot - usually burn out equally fast. So just be careful, ignore his words and focus ONLY ON HIS ACTIONS at this point. (And if I were you, I'd reconsider committing yourself to this man at such an incredibly early stage in the relationship - after only two dates. Because the reality is that you don't know him, you don't know his intentions yet, you don't know if he's lying and you don't know if he'll even be around a month from now. It's way too early dear.); November 15, 2013 at 10:51 AM
S said...: Dear Aphrodite,

Thank you for existing ,for sharing your experience and for being such an inspiration to all of us.
I'm a Leo woman 29 years and I met an aries guy same age about a month ago. We used to work in the same building and one afternoon he waited for me and asked me for a drink. At the beginning I was in shock like but decided to give it a go . From that first meeting he told me how he's observing me for the last 2 months( and I knew it was true as I saw him looking at me so many times )how beautiful I am and how much he liked me . I've made it clear that I'm not ready for a relationship as I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I can offer him my friendship and he still wanted to exchange numbers. So he started to text me every single day ..and in the next 2 weeks we went out twice for dinner , movies and long walks and he kept asking me if he can kiss me. But there was no kiss as I felt to early to kiss a stranger. On my 3rd night out with this guy I made the biggest mistake ever and let him kiss me. And i was quite impressed the way he hold my hand and hugged me like he was inlove LOL. He seemed to be over the moon and so was I , I felt like it was something special, but it wasn't at least not for him. Even if he told me how much he likes it ,how beautiful it is and how much he'll miss me and that he wants to see me whenever possible. Last week we met up again went for dinner,kiss again and boom.. Here he invites me to his place as it was freezing cold outside, begging me to trust him as we are friends... Of course I turned him down and went home. He texted me that night thanking me for the great time and so the second day but I felt something was wrong . And then silence.. And that is so frustrating u know cuz I feel he hasn't been honest to me and probably his only thought was to sleep with me . I just can't understand how a guy can change so quickly from" just enjoy every second of me, we can go for a walk,movie,dinner,a laugh or even a kiss and I don't wanna loose your friendship or however is called " to complete silence. So last night I've decided to phone him ... He picked up the phone and apparently was sleeping but he seemed quite surprised and happy.. He told me his lifes a hell at the moment with such bad days at work and how really sick he is ,back problems and cold in the last 2 days, he had to stay home. He even apologied for not being in contact in the last days and that probably he'll text me later, but he didn't . What do u reckon was he honest when apologising? please what's your advice as I really wanted him to be my friend as I had a good time with him every time we went out. But I guess he cant see me as a friend and doesn't want to see me again and i cant understand why he cant say it clear.Many thanks in advance; November 16, 2013 at 6:36 AM
S said...: Omg. This blog is so inspiring; November 16, 2013 at 8:08 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @S,
"I just can't understand how a guy can change so quickly from" just enjoy every second of me, we can go for a walk,movie,dinner,a laugh or even a kiss and I don't wanna loose your friendship or however is called " to complete silence."

Those are just words dear - talk. It's a man's ACTIONS that signal his intentions. And his action of attempting to get you to go home with him early in this relationship, signaled his intentions. And you were wise to say no to that.

"He even apologied for not being in contact in the last days and that probably he'll text me later, but he didn't."

Again, all TALK, no ACTION dear :-(

"What do u reckon was he honest when apologising?"

He may have been - at that moment. But then moments, hours or days later - he didn't care enough to follow through. Once a man that's seeking sex figures out that it's going to be more difficult than he first anticipated, that he's going to have to WORK for it - he'll disappear. Because players like things as easy as possible for themselves. They don't want relationships and therefore, they don't "invest" in them by working to attain them.

"i cant understand why he cant say it clear."

Think about it dear. If he's straight with you and tells you what his true intentions are (sex) - then he looses you as a sexual opportunity. So why WOULD he do that, ya' know? He's thinking about himself here, not you. As a result, he's going to do whatever he needs to do to make sure that this remains an option for himself. He knows that telling the truth would destroy that, so instead, he strings you along with a bunch of sweet TALK - while he follows through with very little to no ACTION whatsoever :-(

When a man's words do not align with his actions - it's a big red flag dear :-(; November 17, 2013 at 8:56 AM
kia said...: Moa, I am a virgo woman and my husband is a aries male April 11... We have been married for 4 years and it has been an emotional roller coaster. My husband has beaten me up n I stayed... Cheated and I stayed... Everything everyone pretty much mentioned... Recently we have decided to call it a quits... We have no kids together but we do have monthly obligations to pay together bein that our names are on things together.. I have his name tatted on me as well... He recently lost his license before we calle a quits so I take him back and forth everywhere... The night that really got me going while we were separated was we got into a little spat about money... I never ask him for anything cuz I'm quite successful on my own.. While we were separated I made the mistake of letting him spend the night at the house and kissing and loving on each other but during the separation we had a spat about gas money and he flipped sayin I never wanted to be in this marriage all because I old him I have been letting him slide by without having to use his money for anything except his half on the bills. Anything else like food, things he want cigarettes gas nothing else he pays for I pay for it... So the one time I ask for gas money since we separated he flipped.... Am I wrong? He always makes me feel like I'm wrong... He always flips the script when I'm confronting him of something and always find a way to match a situation in the past to a current situation... He knows I need him... He knows I depend on his ability to c things for what they are and us virgos tend to live in a reality world..; November 17, 2013 at 11:03 AM
kia said...: Continue
How do u say can't see the forest from the trees? Lol... Well when we had the discussion about the gas money later that night he asked me to pick him up from a friends house n I did but when we got home he started to gather the little things he left since he stayed a couple night since the separation and got to the door and said I hope u have a great life... Me n u r done cuz do u think u can continue to say wut u want without consequences? He left and I have no spoken to him in 2 days? Wut am I to do? We are married... We have monthly obligations... Please help me!; November 17, 2013 at 11:08 AM
S said...: Dear Aphrodite
Thanks so much for replying .
To be honest I felt he's inlove with me.. But he's just a coward and can't admit there can be nothing
between us and afraid im making fun of him.I've told him from the beginning I want no relationship not to mention sex.
I just don't know where the real men are... Is so hard to find a normal guy these days.

Many thanks again and take care !; November 17, 2013 at 4:25 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Kia,
"My husband has beaten me up "

"Cheated"

That right there is enough to call this marriage quits. What do you do? File for divorce, immediately, and alimony if necessary as well, to use towards the bills until the divorce and marital debt is separated and settled in the divorce.

Additionally, YOU need to show HIM consequences for HIS actions. If you continue to treat this man as a "husband" and your responsibility, when the reality is that you are currently legally separated, then he is going to continue to abuse you, abuse your trust and abuse your kindness. . .because you are letting him dear :-(

People can only treat you as poorly as you let them.

If you're separated, he is no longer your responsibility. If he asks you for a ride, you say no. If he asks you for money, you say no. And you remind him that that is the consequence of his behavior and his own decisions - if he treats you poorly, he cannot expect you to treat him kind. Period.

I'd go straight into no contact and no response with him and I'd cut him off from me immediately. I would then go file for divorce and ask for alimony if necessary. I would then close any open accounts and credit cards that are in both names by informing the lenders that you two are currently separated (so he can't run them up behind your back like my ex did during our separation, leaving you to then pay his accrued debt). The courts will then ask you to work out an agreement about the remaining debt. If he refuses to cooperate and split that 50/50 with you, then you let the courts do that for you and THEY will MAKE him responsible, whether he likes it or not.

In the meantime, do what you have to do to keep a roof over your head and the heat and lights on. If that means defaulting on credit cards or personal loans, then so be it. You pay the rent/mortgage, electric, gas - and let the rest go until the divorce is hashed out. Yes, your credit will be affected, but the reality is that many are forced into the same exact situation when faced with this. You need to do what you have to do and the reality here is that what you have to do - is survive. And to survive, you need a home, electric, heat and food - the rest can wait.

If you continue to permit this man to treat you as he does, and you continue to permit him to be a part of your life while separated, then dear. . .he's going to continue to take advantage of that and you, because YOU are permitting him to. You are the only one that has control over that and if you don't attempt to control it, then yes, it's going to spiral out of control as it already has :-(; November 19, 2013 at 4:59 AM
Anonymous said...: I've been dating an Aries for the past 2 months...well we've hit a rough patch and I broke things off with him.

Some background....I know he's serious about me and likes me. I've met all his friends, he invited me to his bff brother's wedding, met his dad, I have the code to his garage so I can be in and out of his house anytime and he knows it. We do tons of things together, he texts me every morning and night when waking or going to bed. Yes we've had sex and it's a great sex life. I really do believe he has incorporated me into his life as a man who genuinely likes a girl. But this is where we went our separate ways...

Me and the Aries are over as of yesterday. I've been pretty distraught over it...crying and all. A week or so ago he went out of town to LA, I asked him where he was staying and he said with a homegirl. It bothered me, but I didn't say anything and I probably should have at that moment. Anyway, every time I thought about since it would continue to bother me so I finally said something. I basically told him that it bothered me that he stayed with a female not knowing their background or ever having met her. I then asked if it was something he'd be ok with if the roles were reversed. I said I'm sorry if we don't see eye to eye on this situation, and if you think I'm overreacting then perhaps we should rethink this.

His response was that of "are you serious?" Then he went on to say that I stay w/my brother and his roommate all the time and it doesn't bother him. That perhaps we should rethink this because it's ridiculous. I responded by saying that of course it wouldn't bother him because my brother lives there! I also asked him again if he would be mad had I spent the night w/a guy friend he never met and knew nothing about. His response, "I'm not going to entertain this."

I told him fine...then we should go our separate ways and he said ok, sounds like the best thing. Then said, "Smh...you have trust issues for no reason." He then text me 30 mins later a pic of the girl he stayed with (who I think is a butch lesbian bc she looks like a man) and said, "This is who you threw away whatever we had for." I responded by saying I have no idea who that is and that I didn't throw anything away and to not throw it in my face like I did. Twenty minutes go by and he responds by putting a whole bunch of laughing so hard they're crying emoji faces and then says...that's the girl you're tripping on. Grow up. I never responded back. Geez, talk about a cold Aries...

cont...; November 26, 2013 at 9:56 PM
Anonymous said...: Cont...

Experiencing the coldness of Aries is rough and hurtful. It's weird that he got so defensive it makes me wonder why? He's always been pretty honest with me, perhaps that girl was who he stayed with, but why not just say that from the beginning instead of getting all worked up over it?!?

I feel like he's an Aries that doesn't wanna give up his freedom and independence to be able to go and spend the night at a homegirls house without it being questioned. Unfortunately, that kind of blind trust can't be built in less than 3 months and I feel it's unreasonable to think I should just be ok with him staying at a girls house without at least knowing some info about them.

I wished I had asked first what the deal was between them, etc. before I just came at him the way I did. But oh well, what can you do. So yeah...that's the end of that. So stupid and I feel a lot of this bullshit could have been avoided. However, I can't be with someone who can't at least accommodate my feelings and see where I'm coming from with this because I know damn well he wouldn't like if I stayed with a guy out-of-town he didn't know, hence why he couldn't even acknowledge the question! It's more hurtful that he couldn't just reassure me it wasn't someone to worry about instead of just getting all mad. A part of me believes him and that he's just tired of getting questioned (I've done this before), but then a part of me thinks he's guilty of something.

What should I do? I haven't heard from him since, and to be quite honest...I have a feeling I might not. I refuse to reach out to him because I think it's ridiculous how he's acting about this. I'd rather just not be with him than for him to think that's ok.; November 26, 2013 at 9:56 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Nov 26, 9:56 PM,
"His response was that of "are you serious?". . .That perhaps we should rethink this because it's ridiculous. . ."I'm not going to entertain this."

Hmm, that sounds suspiciously defensive. For a man, or anyone man or woman, to not be understanding of their significant other might be concerned about this, is a bit insensitive to me. All he really had to do was reassure you that it's a friend. The fact that he was unwilling to do that makes me suspicious because that's not a normal reaction from someone with nothing to hide. Someone with nothing to hide says, "Oh don't worry. I understand how it may look, but don't worry, we're long time friends and if it makes you feel better, I'll call you when I'm there."

That's how someone with nothing to hide would generally react to that. With understanding and reassurance. When someone gets defensive and simply refuses to provide that understanding and reassurance, they've either got something to hide - or they're just incredibly insensitive. And if they're that insensitive about it, chances are, they won't make a good boyfriend or lover or husband. Because understanding, sacrifice and reassurance are all things that two people who care about one another - are willing to provide to each other.

"Smh...you have trust issues for no reason."

Umm, his reaction gave you a reason. Had he done like I suggested above and responded as someone without something to hide and someone willing to meet the needs of their significant other - I imagine you wouldn't be lacking trust for him. In order for you to trust him, he has to be willing to make small sacrifices in order to PROVE himself to you and EARN your trust.

Trust is earned, not granted.

"This is who you threw away whatever we had for."

That's manipulation and his attempt at making you feel guilty. When again, all he had to do was explain this, provide you the reassurance that you needed and be WILLING to make that small sacrifice in order to earn your trust and prove himself as a man that is willing to fulfill your needs and do the WORK required to make a relationship viable. When people speak of the WORK required in relationships, this is what they're speaking of. Situations like this when we sometimes have to make small sacrifices and do things we may think are silly or unimportant if it simply makes our significant others feel better.

"responds by putting a whole bunch of laughing so hard they're crying emoji faces and then says...that's the girl you're tripping on. Grow up."

That's typical Aries male behavior. They can be incredibly cutting and cold and cruel when they don't get their way. And they can turn on you on a dime and become very "warrior" like and very mocking, much like a child, hence their association with the age range of 0-7 - infant and toddler years.

"It's weird that he got so defensive it makes me wonder why?"

Exactly. Someone with nothing to hide doesn't react that way. If there's nothing to hide, they are more than willing to elaborate.

"perhaps that girl was who he stayed with, but why not just say that from the beginning instead of getting all worked up over it?!? "

I agree, and it very well may be her and there very well may be nothing going on at all. BUT. . .this is a signal dear, that this man isn't emotionally mature enough to do the WORK and sacrifices necessary to make a relationship work out.

Cont. . .; November 27, 2013 at 1:08 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: "that kind of blind trust can't be built in less than 3 months"

I agree. Again, trust is EARNED, not granted automatically. And this was the perfect opportunity for him to build trust with you and to prove himself a man that is mature enough for a real relationship. It was actually an opportunity for him to bring the two of you much closer together. And instead, he acted like a typical Aries, LOL ;-)

"I can't be with someone who can't at least accommodate my feelings and see where I'm coming from with this "

I agree. I couldn't either. And if the roles were reversed, I'd gladly spend the time elaborating and making my significant other feel comfortable and reassured while I was gone. If I cared for them, that'd be a no brainer.

"A part of me believes him and that he's just tired of getting questioned (I've done this before),"

And that may be dear. But again, that's life and these moments happen in relationships. It's to be expected, man or woman, that when in a relationship, there's now someone to answer to so-to-speak. And if you care for that individual, that shouldn't be a problem - to provide reassurance and understanding when needed. These situations happen and it's how you handle them that makes or breaks the relationship - as you've clearly seen here.

Now if you've gone off half-cocked about this or in the past, then yea, he may be a bit gun shy here. When you question someone, you have to do this with respect. And when you get your answer, you have to be happy with it and let it go. You can't keep beating a dead horse. If you do that, then yea, communication from that point forward will be hampered.

"What should I do?"

Not a thing. Put this one on ice for a solid month or so, with no contact, no response. Let him think about the part he played in this for a bit. Ignore any communications from him prior to the one month time frame so that he really understands this response isn't acceptable to you and that he should be more caring in the future. After some time passes and he doesn't immediately get you on the line, he may have calmed down and communication may resume in a more understanding manner afterwards.

"I'd rather just not be with him than for him to think that's ok."

Exactly dear. You want a mate that is willing to do the work and make the small sacrifices necessary and that cares for you and your peace of mind and that understands and is willing to put ego and pride aside. But more importantly, you want to be with an EMOTIONALLY MATURE man that is actually READY to do what it takes to make a relationship work. And sometimes what it takes is patience, understanding, sensitivity, sacrifice and - a lot of love :-); November 27, 2013 at 1:08 PM
Anonymous said...: Well it's too late lol, I already tried reaching out to him last night to talk about it because I wanted to apologize for the way I went about it - texting rather than calling, and giving him an ultimatum of ending things so quickly without at least asking who the person was or for further details. I gave up on the relationship quickly without letting it be a disagreement we could have possibly worked out.

However, he didn't want to talk. He said, "For what? What's done is done. Glad I was exposed to it early on." So I just apologized for my part in it and asked if he was really done with us...to which he didn't respond. I gave it some time and asked again...and again he didn't respond. So I made my peace and told him that I at least tried and again I'm sorry for the way I handled the situation. That he's a great guy and made me happy during our time together, and thanks for everything we shared. I wish him the best and hope we can stay friendly, and there's no animosity on this end. Goodnight.

He's right, what's done is done. I thought we could talk it out maturely, but he still wants to be cold and insensitive about it. I could have trusted him and should have, but I just don't think he wants to see my side and it's unfortunate. Anyway, despite this and how he's handling it...he was still a great guy who treated me well and I honestly want to view this relationship as a period that made me happy, because outside of this situation...we were always able to reach a mutual understanding about our disagreements and get over it.

I don't want to be spiteful about it because it'll get me nowhere. He has to see his fault in this situation on his own, if ever. In the meantime I have a life to keep attending to so I need to focus on that. This was def a learning experience...one that will benefit me in the next relationship for sure, and maybe that's why this Aries entered my life...to prepare me for something better. There are a ton of good men out there, and this Aries def helped me to see that despite the way he's acting. He' just not the one that's for me...and that's ok. Not until he can realize what he's doing here and talk it out anyway...

I'm surprisingly satisfied with it all and I'm not devastated like I thought I would be. I feel completely fine with the way things turned out and I'm still...happy! :) Like I genuinely know in my heart that I don't need this man lol. I mean it's sad, but it's not something to dwell on. Life goes on and gets better ;); November 27, 2013 at 7:52 PM
Anonymous said...: Well he just text me and said...He's not mad and he's not trying to be mean but he said before it was a deal breaker (the jealousy) *insert eye roll* He wishes me the best in life and hope everything works out for me. I wrote back and said, "You too hun, wish you the best as well and hope you continue to be blessed. Take care."

Well at least we're cool now and on the same page.; November 27, 2013 at 9:07 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Nov 27, 7:52 PM,
I'm glad you feel good about this dear, that's all that matters. But I'm sad to see that you willingly walked into a situation that offered him yet another opportunity to reject you :-( Which is why I do not suggest that women initiate contact after a situation like this. He had no time to miss you, to wonder where you were, what you were doing - and his part in this. Instead, seeing you come to him gave him the upper hand, the power here, to simply reject you all over again :-(

"I gave up on the relationship quickly without letting it be a disagreement we could have possibly worked out."

I disagree dear. I think you reacted as any woman who knows her value would have to that situation - to his insensitivity and lack of understanding. And I don't think you should be beating yourself up over this. Because the reality here is that HE could've avoided all of this by being a real man worthy of a real relationship - one that is understanding and sensitive to the needs of his mate.

It wasn't the woman that caused this or your questions about her. It was HIS REACTION to that from you. Had he simply elaborated a bit and reassured you, as a good mate does, I doubt you would've given the ultimatum. Questions about spending the night alone with someone of the opposite sex when you're in a committed relationship with someone else - is to be expected dear, man or woman. And if you react to that like a 5 year old and refuse to show respect and consideration, then you simply prove yourself an unworthy mate, as he's done.

"I made my peace and told him that I at least tried and again I'm sorry for the way I handled the situation."

Yea, and notice that this "good man" didn't even give you the same consideration when it was all said and done - no apology for his part in it. And that should tell you something.

"I thought we could talk it out maturely, but he still wants to be cold and insensitive about it."

That's because it was way too early. He had no time to think about his role in this, how he reacted, what he could've done differently, he had no time to miss you and/or realize he has feelings for you. He's still acting childish and upset and when someone is in that frame of mind, communication is hampered.

"he was still a great guy who treated me well"

I don't think this situation is the example of a man that treated you well dear. You questioned him spending the night alone with another woman, he freaks out like a child and refuses to reassure you and build trust by doing so, you walk (as you should have), then you apologize - and HE DOES NOT. Then you wish to work it out, and HE DOES NOT. If he genuinely cared dear, he'd do the WORK necessary to have a real relationship with someone that includes understanding, caring, sensitivity and love.

"I don't want to be spiteful about it because it'll get me nowhere."

You don't need to be spiteful - but you DO need to see this situation and his reaction to it for what it is, which is childishness and ignorance and lack of sensitivity and understanding. And you need to consider this his loss, not yours.

Cont. . .; November 28, 2013 at 10:06 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: "I'm surprisingly satisfied with it all and I'm not devastated like I thought I would be."

That's good to hear dear. And I think that's because deep down inside, you're in agreement with a lot of what I'm pointing out here about him. About how this situation gives a peek into what life with this man would be like in the long run. And his behavior signals that life with him would mainly be. . . .well, about HIM. Without much care towards you, your feelings and your needs.

"Like I genuinely know in my heart that I don't need this man lol."

Exactly, you don't dear. And to be completely honest, I don't think this man could've made you happy. Frankly, I'm not sure this man has the relationship skills necessary to make any woman happy. Because his view of life and situations stems solely from HIS perspective and how things affect HIM. He's not worried one bit about anyone but himself. And that makes him non-relationship material. Someone who cannot think of others, be sensitive and understanding towards others and make the sacrifices necessary to keep a relationship afloat - is simply not relationship material. Because all of those things are necessary for a relationship to work.

"He's not mad and he's not trying to be mean but he said before it was a deal breaker (the jealousy)"

That's okay. Because your mate spending overnight stays with another woman that he refuses to elaborate on for your peace of mind - is a definite deal breaker in my book. And it should be in yours, too.

This guy needs to "cook" a bit more before he's ready for a real relationship dear. If he thinks he's going to be able to date women who never question his overnight stays with other women that they don't know and haven't met and that he refuses to elaborate on for reassurance and to develop and build trust. . . .he's in for a rude awakening dear, LOL ;-)

He'll be back - you watch. He's Mr. Big right now, having a good time and not dwelling on this and probably feeling rather powerful right now, secretly thinking that when he returns home, he can ring you if he so chooses and you'll jump and be right there, very willing to work this out, as you've signaled to him in that last communication. So basically, you gave HIM reassurances that you'd like to work this out and that you're still there in a sense, which is why this isn't bothering him. He figures when he's ready, you'll be there. So now he's Mr. Big Shot, walking away. But you watch, he'll be back. In a month or two, he'll be back. And when he returns, if you jump on that call or text, you'll be in for a repeat here with him maintaining all of the power in the relationship. As a result, when he begins to come to you, you need to stay silent. Let him work at this a bit, let him prove himself a bit, before responding.

Because when he comes home and he hits a dry spell - he'll be ringing your phone. You watch ;-); November 28, 2013 at 10:06 AM
Anonymous said...: So it seems like Aries is singing a different tune now. He ended up texting me this afternoon. He sent me a pic of an inside joke we have (Hello Kitty, but in Thanksgiving attire) and stated, “I couldn’t help but think of you when I saw this. I just wanted to say hope you have a good day and I’m thankful for having you in my life, and thank you for everything you have done for me. Enjoy.” I didn’t respond. I don’t really know what to say to that and I don’t have much of a response.

I’ve cried myself to sleep the last two night, and I feel I’ve mourned the loss of the relationship that at this point, I’m ok and have accepted that things are over. Unless he wants to apologize for his wrongs in what happened and is willing to compromise on our issue, I can’t be with someone who is gonna have a “my way or the highway” attitude about things. That’s not the kind of relationship I want.; November 28, 2013 at 9:06 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Nov 28, 9:06 PM,
I knew he'd be back, LOL ;-) The one's that act as if they don't need you, always seem to be the one's that are guaranteed to return the most.

This is just beginning dear, so buckle up and hang on for the ride. He'll be back - and you just keep remaining silent - until he amps things up, man's up and apologizes. Then and only then do you respond - once he's realized that he's played a part in this and is willing to accept accountability for it. Don't respond until he signals this via an apology.

He's expecting you to chase him and to jump on his responses. You need to catch his attention this time by showing him that YOU are not afraid to walk from HIM if he treats you poorly and takes you for granted. You need to show him you're different from other girls and that if he can treat you with indifference, you'll walk too.

Get ready, I'm sure there's more to come, LOL ;-); November 29, 2013 at 12:06 PM
Anonymous said...: I haven't heard anything from him today. I know you're right about everything and I know that just continuing to move on with my life is the best thing. Today was a rough day for me...I cried a lot and kept running so many questions into my head as to what happened, because it really is just so stupid and was so easily solvable. However, I know it's not gonna do me good to question everything, but I also want to accept that there will be easy days and hard days....today was hard.

So I'm just gonna keep strong and do what I have to do to put this behind me. Thanks for the help and support, because I really need it right now.; November 30, 2013 at 12:10 AM
Anonymous said...: He just sent me a text and an email asking to talk!! What should I do? I'm not gonna respond till tomorrow because I get off work late, but should I just stay silent until he tries again?...IF he tries again?; November 30, 2013 at 11:56 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous November 30, 11:56PM,
If I were you, with this one and how cold and ignorant he became over a very expected question and need for reassurance, I would not even respond to his request to talk right now. He really needs to think about this. To think about his part in it and how he could've helped avoid this as well. You tried to talk the other day AND you apologized, which he did not.

As a result, I think I'd be waiting for the apology here.

Additionally, when a man does this and you take them right back within a few days and without forcing them to prove themselves first, your chances for a repeat increase greatly. For all you know, he could be wanting to talk about how wrong YOU were. This may have nothing to do with him because he hasn't signaled any wrong doing on his part here, ya' know? And given his cold attitude, I'm not sure he's ready yet. I'm not sure that that's what this conversation would be about. It may simply be him laying down his ground rules once again, his dealbreakers, and pointing out how wrong he feels you were. I don't think I'd walk into that just yet.

You're free to do as you please dear. But just keep in mind his attitude here - and make sure that this isn't simply about rubbing your face in it. If I were you, I'd hold off because you don't want to signal to him that he can treat you like this and then just swoop back in days later and you'll be there. If he's genuine, he'll try again and he'll signal some sort of remorse or regret or an apology. You can try talking to him now if you like, but I have a feeling he's still in "warrior mode" here and that this will simply be a conversation from him pointing out how wrong YOU were, with him never issuing and apology for HIS part once again.; December 1, 2013 at 9:02 AM
Anonymous said...: Ok…I didn’t respond. Idk…I couldn’t bring myself to do it even though I wanted to.

I feel like I’ve made such progress in moving on and it’s gonna take more than him wanting to talk to get me to backtrack at this point. I do miss him dearly though. However, I know I’m just as okay without him.; December 1, 2013 at 6:42 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi, I'm a scorpio girl and just started dating an Aries guy. We have met for dinner 3 times in the past month. We get along great and had an instant attraction to each other.

He owns his own business and works 7 days a week. He isn't in constant contact and I'm not sure what to think about this. Is this typical of an Aries guy? We are new to eachother and I feel we are both enjoying and want to go forward. We've been getting together once a week but a couple days will go by before he will call or text. I have texted him first and after a few texts back and forth he'll say "Have a great night" to kindof end our converstation for that day. I am restraining from texting now until I hear from him but I'm not used to this and being a scorpio maybe I'm over thinking things. And I tend to go full on in relationships so I'm trying to just take it as it comes. I'd love some thoughts on this. :); December 10, 2013 at 11:44 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous December 10, 11:44AM,
"He isn't in constant contact and I'm not sure what to think about this. Is this typical of an Aries guy?"

That's because you're casually dating at this point dear. And the definition of "casual" is:

"relaxed and unconcerned, not regular or permanent, in particular, something done irregularly."

So when dating casually, it's 100% normal to not be in touch everyday, all day long.

"I'm not used to this. . .And I tend to go full on in relationships"

It's okay to go full on in relationships dear. . .when you actually HAVE one, a committed one. This is not a relationship dear, this is simply a dating situation. No one is exclusive here, there has been no request for a commitment from him, no one is in love and no one is obligated to either here yet.

You can't expect "relationship" treatment from a man you're only dating and not yet in a committed relationship with yet, ya' know? You have to try to control your expectations and make no assumptions. Do not assume that simply because you two are dating - that this is a relationship. It's not. And it won't become one until I love you's are exchanged or dating exclusively as a committed couple is brought up by him.

You've only seen him 3 times in one month and that's casually dating. It's not a relationship. When or if things progress, then they actions will progress as well. But you can't put the cart before the horse dear. You can't expect relationship treatment when only casually dating. Those things take time to work up to and when they start off that way, all up in each others face 24/7 and at lightening speed - most times, within 3 months, it's over. And that's because things that start off fast and hot. . .tend to burn out just as fast. Diving right in before each has proved themselves to one another very rarely ends in success and a lifelong commitment. There are certain stages of progression that relationships that stand the test of time need to go through - when you skip over those natural stages - you basically end up skipping right to the END.

Be patient. This is the "get to know you" period and it's meant to be enjoyed, not rushed through, and it also serves a purpose - the courtship phase serves the purpose of giving you an observation period with the man, so that he can prove himself to you, prove that he can earn your trust. Skip over that period, the courtship phase, and you're not going to have a clue as to who this man truly is because you'll be cutting out your observation period (which serves to PROTECT YOU):

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2013/02/courtship-dating-benefits.html

Do not rush, do not pressure and do not expect more than the situation dictates - keep it all in perspective and take it one step at a time and it'll begin to feel right :-); December 10, 2013 at 12:36 PM
Anonymous said...: You've helped to put things in perspective and are totally right. I need to slow down and just enjoy as it comes and see what happens.

Thank you so much :); December 10, 2013 at 2:24 PM
Anonymous said...: Honey, you hit the nail on the head. I'm a Pisces with Mars in Aries and he is an Aries with Venus in Pisces. Our relationship is a chess game lol!!; December 17, 2013 at 9:26 AM
Anonymous said...: I had a fling with an Aries man. He broke things off with me because he felt I wasn't right for him. I totally kept my cool and didn't speak to him for a while. I was absolutely broken hearted and he knew it, but I never showed it. I truly love him, despite all his short comings. Why does he still try to contact me? He sends me texts every now and then to see how I am doing. I never reply, just because I can't be friends with an former lover that I still love. I think its just one of his many games, where he can get the satisfaction of drawing me in just to leave me out cold again. I will continue to avoid him in hopes that he will forget about me. I'm a Sagittarius female, so running is what I like to do. Can somebody help me understand him please.; January 3, 2014 at 5:53 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Jan 3, 5:53 PM,
Re-read this article dear as I think it will provide you with the better understanding you're seeking :-); January 4, 2014 at 4:42 PM
Anonymous said...: Anonymous Cancer/Aries Continued...

... That is until I met him. I told him I'm introverted. I told him I'm quiet. We even talked briefly about signs and I told him I was true to mine. But did he listen? I'm not sure. On our date, I noticed he was energetic as H, E, double hockey sticks. And, the man loves his coffee, which I'm sure he doesn't need-- but whatever. He told me that when he was a kid, he couldn't keep still. I believe it. And, I don't mind it. I like being able to keep up with someone. He was nice to me. I'm an art major, so I really enjoyed when we visited an artist's studio that was nearby. I corrected him on one the artists he was talking about, and I'm not sure if he liked it. I am not going to dumb myself down for anyone who I would like to date. I am not with you to be weaker, but stronger. And, I mostly said it to show him I'm smart too (he's an engineer major).

Anyway, so we ended up at his place to watch a movie. He asks me if I was comfortable with being in him room (I like that he asked), and I was. We have a good time in there playing games after the movie, talking about his life, his exes, my life (he likes my red shirt), and then night time hits, we've already agreed he is going to take me home. But! He has been messaging my hand and telling me I seem nervous, caressing my wrist. I tell him, I'm not nervous. And, I'm not. I just know what you're up to. He sits next to me and I say "You like me, don't you?"
He says, "Yeah, I like talking to you. But I want to take it slow." He starts kissing my hand, so I asked him, "If you wanted to take it slow, why are you kissing my hand?" He tells me that he meant in regards to sex. So, we started kissing and I'm all in my head, not in the moment (one of us has to be so I can not be a hoe). He's attentive. If I'm not comfortable with him going up my shirt, he won't do it. I liked that. But it was moving way to fast for me. I mean, what are your intentions? Emotionally, I feel secure with him, but physically, I need someone with more patience. I tell him this on the car ride home. I ask if he can take it slower, he says no, that he can say that he will in messages, but being with me is another thing. I was disappointed. He says that it's okay and asks if I want to be friends (he says he was expecting it). He says he'll still talk to me.

So, he wishes me Happy New Year before he goes to bed on the 31st and we text a bit on the 1st, but he hasn't responded to my text since that day. And I called him once two days in a row-- no answer. Is this dude trying to ignore me? I only called him to tell him I had thought about it and didn't want to take things that slow anymore; that making out would be fine with me, as long as he would teach me. This way, I would have control over my situation and he'd have his fun... dumbass. But yeah, today is the first day without contacting him, and I mean not to.

Is he playing that mind game? Because, I had a Libra who loved to disappear. I don't stand for that anymore. Or is he wounded by me thwarting his sexual advances?; January 4, 2014 at 6:55 PM
Anonymous said...: Aries= Satan; January 5, 2014 at 10:26 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi MOA,

My experience with an Aries man was quite a run-around and very draining. I met this Aries man online and were I guess you could say "seeing each other". I was seeing him for about 3 months and he was quite different from other guys I had came in contact with. At first he was very sweet and knew exactly what to say and when to say it. I actually was not even that interested in him when we first started texting and talking on the phone. But with him, it was like he jumped right into wanting a relationship. Well, it seemed like he did because he had this whole plan in his head about how it would be if I were to be with him. I admit, I did fall for his words. It seemed like a lifestyle I would have wanted. He's in the military so that was another plus for me. It seemed too good to be true, and it was. He would also not contact with me for days at a time and pop up out of nowhere pretending like he wasn't in contact with me for the past 3 days or so. I know he can be quite busy and work long hours but I'm sure if you were really interested in someone there would be some kind of effort to contact me even if it was a simple text. So I'd mirror his actions and be gone for days at a time also. He was pretty complicating. I really don't know what I was to him. I felt like I was being used for just someone he needed when he felt lonely. I also would always drive to him and he would never set up actual dates for us to go out. I think within that 3 months we only went on 2 actual dates. He would never call unless I disappeared on him or if he wanted me to come over late at night. Just a few days ago he texted me and asked if he could call and I told him he could. At first he asked me if I could come over because I sounded bored but I refused and I guess he got a little mad. He started saying I was bipolar because I would be all giggly and one point and change my mood right away. I think he was mad I said no, usually I'd be up for it. Then he started asking me all these questions that I don't even remember because he was ALL OVER THE PLACE. Like he was pointing out every bad thing about me. He was saying something about how he was scared about me. Like WTF?! I don't even know! All I was doing was acting just like him and mirroring him. He said I was "buying time" whenever I'd take my time to answer ALL his questions. I really don't understand where ALL of that came from. I was so confused, I didn't even know what to tell him. Earlier that day I was thinking about telling him that we should maybe stop talking to each other because I really don't know what I was to him. I ended up telling him that and that I felt like he didn't really "like" me like he says he does because his actions did not match up with what he tells me. Then he told me that it would take a while for me to be a GF to him, which I understood because I just got out of a relationship and I was not into any rush. But the thing was I didn't feel like he was wanting to genuinely get to know me. Then he ended up telling me we shouldn't talk anymore because he didn't know about me. And that was it. He would do this to me before and call right back, but this time he didn't and it's been a couple of days. I'm wondering if he'll come back around and how should I approach it when that time does come. What do you think about this whole situation? I'm hoping he does come back just so we could try again but at the same time this guy drained me. Please give me some insight on this situation.; January 5, 2014 at 11:24 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Jan 4, 6:55 PM,
"he said that he was just surprised and usually gets bored talking to people this long (or something like that)."

He gets THAT bored THAT easily? That's a big red flag dear. He's most likely an excitement and/or love junkie that's always chasing the next adventure (i.e. he often disappears).

"He told me that when he was a kid, he couldn't keep still."

Again, kind of a red flag dear - this man is easily distracted it seems.

"He says, "Yeah, I like talking to you. But I want to take it slow. . .I ask if he can take it slower, he says no"

Another red flag dear that he could be expecting to fast track you into the bedroom and then POOF - disappear off to his next adventure. He doesn't appear ready to settle down into a relationship :-(

"Is this dude trying to ignore me?"

It's more likely he's slick player that tells women what he thinks they want to hear while attempting to fast track them into providing sex - and when he doesn't get it - as most players do, he refuses to do the WORK necessary to EARN that and disappears.

"I only called him to tell him I had thought about it and didn't want to take things that slow anymore; that making out would be fine with me, as long as he would teach me. This way, I would have control over my situation and he'd have his fun"

Careful with that approach with a man like this dear. Do you really think you can stop him in his tracks once you're alone with him and he gets rolling? I'd be very careful with that.

"Is he playing that mind game?"

I think he's an adventure junkie that's a player and likes things fast and easy and when he realizes that he has to work for it or earn it - he gives up easily like a chump and just disappears :-(

Be thankful for that dear because most likely, he would've used you sexually and done this anyway. So be thankful he didn't get that from you before disappearing - you dodged a bullet here with this user looking for a free ride.; January 6, 2014 at 12:44 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: Anonymous Cancer/Aries

(Sorry I think the first part of your comment was deleted accidentally)

Hi! So, I really enjoyed the stories posted on here and was just seeking some of your excellently worded advice The Mirror of Aphrodite.

I am a Cancer-- before you may shut me out, I must add that I had no choice in that matter ;). No, but as true to my sun and moon sign as I am, I don't let it stop me from liking other signs (no matter how much they hurt me). Well, I had been talking to this Aries male online for a good month. He contacted me first with an intelligent and witty message, in which I replied back in the same fashion. That same night, he said he was having a movie night with friends and that I was welcomed to join these movie nights of his (how open! how inviting!). On my profile, I mentioned that I dabble in poetry, so he later wanted to read some. I didn't feel comfortable with this. I did not know him well enough yet and he did not know me. You know, many people don't realise that Cancers have another side to them just like every other sign. I know I WISH I could be as reckless or as flighty as some other signs (but no thank you). A lot of my poems were too intimate for me to show him. He was fine with it and said that he'd show me his own. His was personal and long. So, this month of talking, we shared information about family, his son, schooling. He shut down on me briefly a total of two times: Once when he found out he failed a class and the other time when I gave him my number. He seemed not to want my comfort about him failing his class and he didn't seem enthusiastic about receiving my number (which is big for me). So, since I didn't like how he responded to the number thing, I was very short in my response and stopped talking to him. He wrote me back about two days later and everything was smooth sailing from there. When I told him about his response to getting my number before, he said that he was just surprised and usually gets bored talking to people this long (or something like that).; January 6, 2014 at 12:46 PM
Anonymous said...: December 2012 I met an Aries guy online. I was in the process of moving to a new state and hadn't dated in more than 8 years. I knew very few people where I was moving to and this guy was in the state of my destination. Without knowing it, I moved 10 minutes away from him. We dated the same week I arrived, had sex, and it's been a roller coaster! I talked to him throughout the move and he kept in constant contact but during the days before New Year's and into the days of my birthday (10 days) he disappeared. He reappears with some excuse and after I calmed down...I was irate at the disrespect...We dated more regularly. He told me he loved me but quickly retracted to 'like'..."I'm in LIKE with you", after I returned the sentiment. ( I didn't love him yet but didn't want to leave him hanging) That's when the disappearing took place. Fast forward to our current situation, recently he went AWOL.

Same time as last year, after the holidays and during the days of the New Year and into my birthday (which he's always known) he's nowhere to be found. The last time I talked to him, he called me 4 times within the span of 2 hours. It was the weekend and he was out and about shopping for his elderly mom, which he always does, and calling me in between driving or at the checkout line or other time where he should not have been calling me. He had to keep interrupting and call be back because he was busy. The last time he said, I'm sorry babe, I'll call you right back, he was in a dispute with the grocery clerk about the price of a food item. I was like...why are you on the phone when you can't talk? That is what I mentally said. Well, the call never came. that was 8 days ago. NO warning. I've decided that I'm not going to let him miss another birthday and take it lying down (no pun intended). I'm also not doing what I did the last time and call and text him. He has until the day after my special day to call or he is deleted out of my life. Why so cold? Because I have broken things off with him 2 times already for incompatibility reasons. I want a relationship and he still acting single. He was not spending any time with me that would be normal to get to know a person but he would call and text all the time, which I considered wasting my time. I don't need a phone pal. We had recently gotten back together with his initiation ( I blocked him from text and phone) after about 20 days. This guy is the most creative chaser I know. He has gone so far as to get a phone with an area code of my hometown to call me because he knew I would pick up and when I did he let me have it! In the same breathe he turned sweet and sappy and beggy voice...but always says he won't apologize. I think that's his favorite line. He made things better. He acknowledged that he wasn't doing enough and he would step up. Which he did. I was in heaven. He initiated all texts and calls and planned and kept the dates (2) until I moved further away. I've moved 3 times since he and I met and each time after he would distance himself from me and I would call things off with him. I don't get this guy. I know he cares for me more than he admits. I feel this in my gut and when he gets serious and talks about (he can't help who he falls for) I know it's not a game. I know it wasn't easy for him and that is all I was gonna get for now. He proclaimed our exclusivity last month and made sure I understood to the point of having me repeat him that he would be highly upset and hurt if I were to be with another man other than him. Something that appeared in his character towards me that wasn't there before was protectiveness.; January 8, 2014 at 3:13 AM
Anonymous said...: He got very protective and hovering and would map out my schedule and navigate the area I was moving to before I moved there. He would call to make sure I was safe and would always be sure to tell me to be safe and watch out for the guys and yadda yadda. Before he could care less. We did not argue and he was saying he needed to come over and see my place and he needed to see me. He asked me 5 times in one week for my available times to get together. and now he is gone.
I have not initiated contact and I will not initiate contact. If he is gone then he is gone. If you were able to make sense out of anything I wrote and you have a clue what is wrong with this Neanderthal...then I am all ears!

Thank you very much, I am enjoying reading through the posts and your advise is very wise. I know we all appreciate it.
cont'd Anonymous new to state...
He asked me if I was attracted to my long lost relative who has been helping me since I arrived to the state and who continues to be a strong support to me. He has asked me that more than once. This is the only thing I can think of that he could possibly have issues with. I am not attracted to my cousin but I need and depend on him because I am a student and am still settling in. it's only been a year.; January 8, 2014 at 3:13 AM
Anonymous said...: cont'd Anonymous from out of state...

I forgot to add that I am a Capricorn and we are both in our mid and late 40's, also both single with no children.; January 8, 2014 at 3:17 AM
Anonymous said...: Anonymous from out of state....
This morning he texted, happy new year stranger. Made the deadline for my birthday by one day. I have not responded because I honestly don't know if I want to. Please advise if you think I'm wasting my time with this one. Thanks; January 8, 2014 at 9:47 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Jan 8, 3:13 AM,
"He reappears with some excuse and after I calmed down...I was irate at the disrespect...We dated more regularly."

I hope you provided obstacles to yourself that he had to overcome prior to taking him back after treating you poorly. Because if you don't do that, it basically signals to the man that he can treat you poorly and you'll still be there, no matter what - and then you suffer a repeat because the man thinks it's okay with you to treat you like that (when he doesn't have to suffer any consequences for doing so).

"He told me he loved me but quickly retracted to 'like'..."I'm in LIKE with you", after I returned the sentiment. ( I didn't love him yet but didn't want to leave him hanging)"

Always be your TRUE self dear and don't worry about being overly "nice" when dating because when you're overly "nice" you're not your true self. Your true self didn't want to return that sentiment, yet you forced yourself to be less than your true self and return the sentiment, even though you didn't really mean it. Always be your true self and don't be afraid to disagree, not respond, not comply, etc. Men are attracted to women with a mind and a will of their own and if they think you're too "nice" then many times, regretfully, they label a woman "boring" and "safe" (non-challenging) and move on :-(

"Same time as last year, after the holidays and during the days of the New Year and into my birthday (which he's always known) he's nowhere to be found."

He should've suffered consequences for that treatment then and he should've also suffered them this time around too. And those consequences are NO CONTACT and NO RESPONSE from you:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/dating-when-why-how-use-no-contact-rule.html

When a man treats you like that, he should NOT have access to you. He should not be REWARDED with your time and attention for treating you badly. Instead, he should receive consequences for his actions:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/how-to-say-no-dating-life-consequence.html

When your dog pees on the floor, you do not reward it with a treat. Instead, you place it outside and away from you, signaling to the dog that this type of behavior inside the house is not acceptable and needs to be done outside. And similarly, when a man treats you poorly, you do not reward him with more of your time, attention and affection. Instead, he receives a consequence for that poor treatment and that consequence is NONE of your time, attention and affection. That's how you signal to a man that that type of treatment is unacceptable to you. If you do not issue consequences and you do not signal that that type of treatment is unacceptable to you (via your ACTIONS, not your WORDS), then the man will do it over and over and over again because he realizes he can get away with it.

Someone can only treat you as poorly as you permit them to dear :-(

"I've decided that I'm not going to let him miss another birthday and take it lying down (no pun intended). I'm also not doing what I did the last time and call and text him. He has until the day after my special day to call or he is deleted out of my life."

That's exactly what you should do dear so don't question that or yourself for one minute, just do what you need to do to stand up for yourself and protect yourself and don't worry about hurting him because he clearly doesn't worry about hurting and disappointing you :-(

Cont. . .; January 8, 2014 at 10:12 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: "always says he won't apologize"

Big red flag dear and indicative of the fact that this man simply isn't emotionally mature enough for a real relationship because real relationships require sacrifice, compromise, compassion, etc.

"He asked me if I was attracted to my long lost relative who has been helping me since I arrived to the state and who continues to be a strong support to me. He has asked me that more than once. This is the only thing I can think of that he could possibly have issues with."

I'd be concerned that this man is somewhat of a control freak in relationships dear. Consider this as well:

"He got very protective and hovering and would map out my schedule and navigate the area I was moving to before I moved there. He would call to make sure I was safe and would always be sure to tell me to be safe and watch out for the guys and yadda yadda."

I know that seems sweet and sincere dear, but in reality, it's a bit controlling, particularly when an immediate switch flips in this man's mind once a commitment is made.

I'm not sure this man is relationship ready dear, not sure he's relationship material as having a relationship with another requires certain skills that this man seems to struggle with. He's non-apologetic and refuses to acknowledge when he's wrong or has treated you poorly, he's a bit controlling, he's inconsistent in his behavior, he's unreliable and disappears - none of that dear is going to make for a good partner, spouse or boyfriend.

You need to find a man that's ready for a real relationship and that's emotionally mature enough to have one. I'd suggest you leave this guy to deal with some consequences of his treatment of you (silence and no response) and don't respond to his communications (because they will eventually come again) until he's either apologized and/or requested to "talk." If he doesn't do either of those things and simply just keeps trying to call, text, etc. and sends lame "Hi" or "Hey" texts - don't respond. Because if you do, you're just going to have a repeat of the same experience with him all over again.

Stay strong, stand strong, respect yourself and do NOT give your time and attention to those that don't do the same for you :-); January 8, 2014 at 10:12 AM
Anonymous said...: Anonymous from out of state....
Thanks so much for your advice and for providing those other links to further help me. I'm so grateful for direction because this one is a charmer and I believe people too much and give them too much benefit of doubt. He's a hard chaser and will do anything to get my response. He's already texted, called and left a message. He's never been over my new place but he knows where I live and honestly, I expect him. I was changing phone service soon and he knows that but now I'm really looking forward to it. I'm not in love with him because he never gave me the chance to be with his unstable behavior. I'm a Capricorn for goodness sakes! He won't be hard to leave but he will be difficult to avoid. Thanks again. I'm moving forward. I'll consider this my birthday gift!; January 8, 2014 at 2:00 PM
Unknown said...: Dear Mirror:

I'm a Sag girl and dated an Aries male for a year. Mind you he didn't call it dating until after we broke up. He persuaded and chased me to the point of insanity. I hated him for it and I found him irritating, but then I saw the fun, endearing child like side to him. I have to admit, the sex was great, in fact I still catch myself thinking about it and desiring him. He was very generous in bed and so damn hot. To make a long story short he broke things off with me. He totally caught me off guard. He still wanted to remain friends and kept calling me and making himself constantly visible at work. I told him I did not want to speak to him, I was very hurt because I fell in love with him. He continued to pursue me post break up, but this time just for a hook up. I told him to dream on, that I no longer want anything with him. In fact, I didn't want the friendship either. After then, he makes himself always present in my radar. He has become friends with my collegues, always makes himself visible around me, talking out loud or asking me for a pen and paper etc. On top of that he always flirts with other women, hits on them and now is bragging about dating the gorgeous girl who nobody knows. I act as if this doesn't bother me, although some times it does......I just pretend it doesn't. Though I do not want to be with him, I am spiteful and I want to get back at him. I keep seeing him every so often, so I just go the opposite direction or try to convince myself he is not there. When he looks at me he smiles and has a smug expression on his face. I totally ignore him, acting all cool and enjoying my day. I speak to everyone, but him. My face has no expression when he is around, I am totally cold, unless a colleague is there to make me laugh. I totally give him the silent treatment. I don't even make eye contact. He called me and texted me, but I have not returned any phone call or texted him. I hate the fact that he broke things off and still wants me around, not taking into consideration my feelings. I was hurt in love, but now I am hurt in anger. How can I get back at him, with dignity, respect and sophistication? I just want to irritate him enough to feel satisfied for a few minutes, then move on. I want him to know that I don't need him, there are better men and my eyes will never look down again, lest I end up with someone like him again, to which point I think I would shoot myself. Aries men are amazing and terrible all at the same time.; January 22, 2014 at 2:48 PM
Anonymous said...: you sound really bitter, brushing over the positives and focusing on the negatives. not to mention your "examples" were rambling and nonsensical. I have been married to an aries man for years and I feel your preconceived notions are clouding your judgment.; January 31, 2014 at 6:53 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous January 31, 6:53PM.
Yep, I brushed over the positives and focused on the "murky waters" on purpose - and made clear mention of that early on in the piece (probably during one of the "rambling and nonsensical" portions that you mentioned):

"But first, I'd like to note that I'm going to tread into some murky waters here and before all you Aries that are in denial begin to bash me for it, let me just say that I know plenty of wonderful Aries, men and women both. So as you continue to read this, please keep that in mind."

And the reason I did that on purpose is because....there are literally hundreds of thousands of those SAME EXACT "peaches and cream" profiles plastered all over the Net. I'm differentiating this profile from those by purposefully going in the other direction and discussing more obscure aspects.

Everyone who doesn't like what they read here is unoriginal in thought, instantly throwing out the word "bitter" - it always brings a smile to my face (because I know I've touched a nerve, I've roused an "emotion," if you take the time to post an emotional response, a comment on an article you claim not to like, simply to dish an insult out to me, LOL.)

If I were as bitter as you claim me to be, I wouldn't be able to do what it is that I actually do on this blog...which is some real POSITIVE stuff. (And I also wouldn't bother keeping more than half a dozen Aries in my life - which, by the way, I do - pain in the butts that they are and all, LOL.)

Lighten up a little - go read one of them good ole' assembly line produced "peaches and cream" profiles - that all repeat the same boring things. . .over and over and over again - and you'll be fine. This site isn't the place for extremely sensitive types - a hardy sense of humor is needed and a bit of a tough skin.

This blog is named the The Mirror of Aphrodite. And the Mirror of Aphrodite (the green circle over the cross symbol in the site logo) is a symbol that is also viewed as a wand and represents an ability to cast one's designs onto the world, urging others to look at and deeply examine their own principles. This blog is a place where we all sit back and take a good, long, hard look at ourselves - in The Mirror. It's a place where we tread into areas that others fear to tread - we "go there" - for purposes of self-awareness and growth.

(BTW, I've differentiated the Virgo male post here, too - and guess what? I date a Virgo male. . .scandalous.); January 31, 2014 at 7:40 PM
Anonymous said...: First of all, HATS OFF to MOA!! Just look at her, reading through the gigantic paragraphs that people write and then replying to each one of them so sincerely, like a genuine friend and not just for the sake of it! I'm amazed at your level of patience MOA.. and may God bless you for that! xoxo
I've been reading this blog for the past few days now, trying to relate it all to the confusing situations I'm facing.. but heck no, now I feel I'd like a personalized solution too hahah
So here goes... (call me DOA haha)
This Aries guy studies in my academy in another faculty.. He is from country A, me from country B and we’re studying in country C. Now that I look back, in our first year, we incidentally met when he entered my class by mistake! and that first meeting of the eyes was so intense, it was like both of us went "Oh!"
I didnt see him after that incident (he wasnt even on my mind the next day) until in our 2nd year we started bumping into each other more often, and then he was everywhere! In the bus, in the canteen, in the hospital.. everywhere! The exchanging of glances gradually turned into exchanging of smiles.. until i totally started crushing on him and began keeping a track of the times he entered the canteen, & then I somehow found out his name and one night I sent him a friend request on a social networking site! He accepted, and when we bumped into each other again next morning, we made small talk (the first time!)
We didnt really chat much online.. and when we did, it was usually me who initiated it! (silly me, i had no clue that aries dont like to be persued)
Anywho, I am a person who doesn’t chase either.. if I’m hanging around its usually coz I’m getting some reaction back in the first place! He would check me out from afar, gaze continuously and then wave to me if I would turn and look at him. Then one day out of the blue he pinged me online and asked me to come over to his room to join him for a movie! I jumped so high I touched the ceiling haha
I couldn’t believe it… And the movie night was amazing! He was such a gentleman, even though I stayed there till 3am he didn’t try touching me.. I felt safe! He asked me personal stuff like “Do you have a bf?” “Have you ever been physical with someone?” etc etc … and though I felt it was bold of him to ask me such stuff on our first meeting.. I felt happy that he cared to ask! It made me feel like he likes me and maybe wants to ask me out… I had such a good time! And when I returned home, I was in love!
The next morning I texted him “Good morning… have a nice day” to let him know he was on my mind! Nope, I got no reply. Later when I confronted him about it he said he had no credit in his phone that’s why!

To keep things short, he was on and off like this for 3months.. making me feel special and miserable at the same time!
I just let it be.. Until some days before New Year’s eve he asked for my help with studies and we started talking every single day… I thought I should take matters in my own hands and told him that I liked him. BAM! He looked so surprised (I wonder why, I kinda made it obvious I liked him already) and said “Oh, you are such a beautiful girl, you are smart, and you are so different from all the other girls here from your country, you dress well and …
Me- come to the point, will you?
He- I don’t want to break your heart when we graduate and its time to go back to our own country..
Me- why do you say so, couldn’t we make this work?
He- oh well, where will you work?
Me- well, If I love you couldn’t I move where you are?
He- *panicks* uhmm.. I havent told this to anyone here, but I already have a gf back home. We’re pretty serious about each other and she loves me .. you are an amazing girl, and if I were single I would have definitely asked you to be mine. Please I don’t want this to affect our friendship, lets begin on a new leaf))
And so thus, he broke my heart that night.. I wasn’t really sure about the whole “gf back home” story. Nevertheless, I decided to move on.

contd....; February 1, 2014 at 12:29 PM
Anonymous said...: contd... (DOA)

But he just wouldn’t let me! Over the months.. he became so friendly! Cared for me… frequently sent “hello’s”… even surprised me on my bday at midnight! and it all made me think that he regrets making up that story and wants to approach me, but is afraid that I have moved on!
And so, (kick me for it!) to ensure him that I was still there.. I sent him a message saying how I waited for him all these months.. and that I know he has feelings for me, that I see him checking me out all the time!
and his reply crushed my heart again (duh!) he said – whyyy would you think that! I told you I have a gf.. I am really serious about her, its true we’re fighting now but I have told you the truth right from the start!
I didn’t reply to that message.. and after a few days he sent me “Hey! Everything cool between us?”
Gaaah! Why does he have to show all this care?!

I told him everything was cool yeah… but after this episode I stopped showing my feelings and became the friend that he wanted me to be! And this is when I actually started all the research on the Aries zodiac sign.. I realised how many mistakes I had made. And started correcting them. I live my life now, and I can see he wants to be a part of it!
I told him I was going to anoher city during our vacation, and if it was a good idea to live with one of our mutual friends who lives there. At first, he went all “whyyy do you want to go there”. “You can go some other time” etc etc.. I invited him to come along but he politely changed the subject… I am too used to his antics now so I decided to go forward, with or without him! (even though I was reluctant to live all by myself with that guy in another city)
But Holaaaaa! When I landed there, guess who picks me up from the station! Yes the Aries guy!!! (he completely disappeared on me 2-3days before my departure)
He made sure I was safe there and didn’t have to live with some guy…! But also, when I jokingly asked him “so u came all the way for me?!” he just looked down and smiled and changed the subject.
You see what I mean? How can I move on when he does such sweet things for me, making me feel wanted and cared for! Maybe us being from different cultures freaks him out, and he doesn’t want to begin anything that he cant finish?
Its been like this since jan 2013 ( that’s the day he told me about his so-called gf”)
He makes sure the communication lines between us are open by asking my help for silly stuff.. sometimes I feel its just a reason to talk to me! And some days, he just shuts me out, ignores all my messages but that’s to your blog I don’t show him my anger, so he doesn’t get the entertainment he is trying to trigger.. I kow he is testing me!
Gosh! I’m starting to get tired.. but I think of the reward for all this patience, that there will come a time when we will be together, and I hang on…

I know I have typed A LOT! (wow it feels good) and if you have read it till here MOA, please tell me what to do….; February 1, 2014 at 12:30 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Feb 1, 12:29 PM,
Well dear, this probably isn't going to be what you wanted to hear :-( It's not bad, but it's not what you're going to want to hear either.

Here's the thing - the reality. This man simply isn't available to you. He's unavailable. He's in a relationship, he's remaining in it, and he's made it clear that he's chosen to do so. He's telling you he's unavailable to you as a mate. That's the reality here :-( And because of that, you cannot assume this:

"I think of the reward for all this patience, that there will come a time when we will be together"

That's NOT a guarantee dear :-( At best, he's a good friend to you. He's emotionally involved with another woman, which means he's emotionally unavailable to you. Now that may or may NOT change someday. But THIS is what you should NOT do dear:

"and I hang on…"

Hang onto what? False hope? A fantasy? Something that isn't real? Something that isn't available? I know it's tough and I know this probably hurt you and I'm sorry for that. But I'm attempting to keep you from becoming emotionally invested further into something that's emotionally unavailable to you. It's like setting yourself up to fail dear - chasing and waiting for something you may never have :-(

NEVER EVER wait on a man dear - EVER.

You could spend years doing so and in the end, NEVER receive one reward for it. Sure, he may break up with his GF, but then what? If you step in, you risk being used temporarily as the "rebound" girl, until they reconcile and resume their relationship once again. OR - you risk that each time you guys fight, she's right there waiting in the wings, as competition to you. Because long term relationships very rarely, if ever, simply just "stop" dead in their tracks. Many times, the two hang onto each other and "slowly" part ways (date others, then get back together a while, then break up again, then get back together again). And in the process, a break up process that could take months for them to truly part ways once and for all - YOU are the one experiencing the fallout of their relationship turmoil.

It's not a good place to be dear and I wouldn't wish for it truthfully :-(

BUT - here's the bright side. This man has proved himself capable of being a genuinely good friend to you. And these days, that's HUGE. So that's a true triumph there - it's a win. Even if this doesn't end up in a romantic situation, it's still a win and you've still made a genuinely good friend here.

And because of that and the situation overall, if these two break up, you'll have the opportunity to support him as a friend in return - which could draw you closer. But before you get excited, LOL, the "closer" I'm referring to is still - as FRIENDS. You will still have to only maintain a friendship with this man throughout his breakup "process" so that you don't become part of a love triangle, with them reconciling, breaking up, reconciling, etc. - and YOU caught in the middle, getting hurt.

Cont...; February 1, 2014 at 1:09 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: However, if you are able to maintain this man's friendship throughout that breakup process, should it ever happen, and you prove yourself a good friend to him by doing so...he's going to have a LOT of respect for you dear. And that means that when the breakup "process" is finally over and these two are done once and for all....you're probably going to be the first person he comes to, the first person he trusts, and the first person he'll seriously consider getting emotionally involved with once he's severed his emotional attachment to his GF once and for all.

But, and here's the big but, LOL...you're going to have to remain a friend until then, and you're going to need to date other men as well. And you're going to need to do that, to protect yourself from getting hurt, used, and or sucked into the drama of a love triangle. You're going to need to date other men to keep it all in perspective, to not become emotionally attached to an emotionally unavailable man, to keep your options open, to not make commitments to a man that isn't committed to you - and most importantly, to avoid a heartache.

So for now dear, continue being a good friend, continue basking in the friendship he's offering you, keep your options open, date other men, do NOT wait on a man, do NOT believe that someday he may be yours (because you really don't know if that'll ever come true), be patient, live your life, be happy, warm and welcoming to him....and see what happens dear. Patience. Slow and steady wins the race :-); February 1, 2014 at 1:09 PM
Anonymous said...: Its DOA here! :-)
Wow that was really quick.. thanks so much for replying))))

But i would like to say (maybe i didn't emphasize on it earlier) iI dont really think there is a gf on the scene! I think he's just told me that coz he didnt wanna make me feel bad about myself..
I feel he's keeping up this gf story meanwhile so he can know more about me, he type of girl I am and see where our relationship is headed to.. Why would a guy who wants to be friends ask me questions like "have you been sleeping with anyone?" "do you drink/smoke" ... he is an Arab guy and such things matter to them!
gahhh i dunno.. maybe I've fallen too deep and I'm saying all this just to keep my hopes alive! The worst thing that would happen would be that he realizes that I am the one for him but i have already moved on! (this has happened to me before); February 1, 2014 at 1:59 PM
Anonymous said...: hello, I am totally into this aries guy, but i'm not sure if he feels the same! Can you please tell me some of the things that aries guys do when they like a girl? Also, does it affect their feelings if the girl takes the first step?; February 7, 2014 at 11:16 AM
Cat said...: I met an Aries a little over 6 weeks ago. I had heard
from mutual friends that he liked me and we have seen each other around at
parties last summer. I never really showed him much interest, as at the time
I liked someone else. Mutual friends were always trying to push him on to me
and saying "he's a great guy" etc. The night I got together with him I was
quite drunk, I saw him at a club and again his friends were trying to
matchmake. He asked me to dance and then if he could kiss me and as it was
New Years Eve I said ok. At the end of the night I left him outside the club
and he asked where he could get my number, I said mutual friends and then
left him. He chased me down the road and like an idiot I let him into my
house. We didn't have sex but there was a bit of fooling around and I did
feel a bit pressured and asked him to stop bargaining with me. We talked for
10 hours and it was great. I didn't initiate contact with him again, he did
(at least on this score I have been ok, I never really initiated contact).
He came over to see me the next day, didn't jump on me, brought me medicine
for my cold. He asked to see me again and we arranged he would come over to
my place for dinner a week later (I know, foolish, set myself up for him not
trying to take me out). We had sex and afterwards he practically ran, it was
stupid of me and I initiated it because I was sort of frightened, but he
contacted me the next day and tried to come and see me at work the day after
but I wasn't there. He then came over for a cup of tea (his idea) a few days
later when he was passing by, we just talked and he left as he had plans. He
sent me some quite racy texts the day after which made me feel
uncomfortable. Anyhow I got fed up that he (obviously, since I slept with
him and all) wasn't making an effort to take me out on a date at all, it all
seemed to be based around him coming to my house and didn't suggest going
out anywhere and I didn't like the racy texts and I wasn't into the idea
that he saw me as a fuck buddy, so I messaged him to say this and that it
made me feel disrespected and that the way I felt at the moment I could take
it or leave it. I said I didn't know what I wanted but that I just wanted to
go out and have some fun. nnHe said he was sorry for offending me and that
he was just flirting, then came clean and said that he wasn't ready for
anything heavy (not that I'd asked for this, I just wanted to go outside my
four walls in his company) as he'd just got out of a relationship where his
heart had been broken as she'd slept with someone else. He said his
confidence was zero and that he was often depressed. I kind of think it's
true and kind of think it's a convenient card to pull when he feels like
things are not going his way or he feels threatened.

cont...; February 9, 2014 at 9:59 AM
Cat said...: He said he'd meet up
with me a few days later and then when he did he said the same thing to my
face but said a) if I wanted him as a booty call ever then let him know (I
didn't reply but moved away from him and stayed away feeling really really
insulted though I didn't say anything - we had been hugging but no kissing)
and also that he still wanted to be friends with me. I said very coolly and
with no emotion that this was all fine with me, friends was ok. I was still
kind of desperate at that point but didn't show it. We then talked about
past relationships and quite personal stuff for a further 5 hours, I kept
expecting him to leave but he didn't. He said he wants eventually to get
married to someone and have children but he wants to do that after he has
proved himself. I talked about two past relationships where I left the men
because they didn't make any effort (subconsciously I think it was to let
him know that I am not a pushover - trying to paper over the fact that I had
let him sleep with me too early I think). I told him about bad experiences
that happened last year with 3 different married men hitting on me that
offended me and made me depressed about men and not trusting. Eventually he
left saying that there was loads he didn't know about me and he understood
me better. I gave him a frat-boy fist bump and a peck on the cheek and sent
him on his way. I was kind of proud of myself as inside I was dying. I think
he may have expected more clinging than that. nnLater that week after 4 days
he sent me a text saying how are you? I wait 3 hours and say I'm at the
cinema, I'm fine, hope you are, catch you later. Tried to make it out like
it could have been a date but it wasn't.nnRealise after 2 days I can't do
the friend thing without being hurt and him still being in my life without
effort, so I unfriend him on FB and initiate no contact after coming across
your site (thank you Universe). I get a text again after a further 5 days
again saying "Hey how are you?". I have clearly changed my mind about him
being my friend and he knows this because of the FB thing. Feel fairly
strong and with no intention of breaking the NC rule. Sometimes I feel quite
amused at my about-face and wonder what he's thinking. The urge for revenge
is there too because I feel stupid. But I don't beat myself up much because
I am learning.nnHe made his decision not to see me anymore and I want to
hold him to it but not sure if I am fooling myself that he will ever want
more than just testing the water for more sex or FWB situation, which I
won't entertain for a moment and I think he knows that. He is cunning like a
fox, I can see that. What do you reckon? I am trying not to be naive here
and I trust your advice.

Many thanks,
Cat; February 9, 2014 at 10:00 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Cat,
"He said he wants eventually to get married to someone and have children but he wants to do that after he has proved himself."

See ladies...men know deep down inside that they have to prove themselves and secretly enjoy when you challenge them to do so ;-)

"What do you reckon?"

I reckon dear, that you're doing the right thing for yourself. The way he treated you and the things he expected from you and his reference to you as a "booty call" - all made you feel bad about yourself. And we don't want mates in life that bring out the worst in us and make us feel bad about ourselves. We all need mates that bring out the best in us, and make us feel good about ourselves.

Chalk it up to a lessen learned dear. Now you know why it's not good to start off a relationship without making the man prove himself to you first (asking for dates, calling, waiting for sex, taking you out on real dates, etc.) If a man isn't doing that for you dear, then he gets nothing from you.

If a man is doing nothing FOR you - then he gets nothing FROM you - period.

Relationships are give and take and if a man wants to take from your body, then he has to give of himself first. And when they're not willing to do that - they're not worth becoming involved with dear. Hang in there, you're doing the right thing for yourself :-); February 9, 2014 at 10:12 AM
ndashb said...: Wow!!!! This is all dead on about the aries male I've been seeing. I recently ended a half-ass 10 year relationship (if you can even call it that lol) with a Taurus male and I was stunned at how accurate the description on this website was of him! BOTH of these men are very true to their sign, through and through! I will have to share my story about the Taurus on THAT blog.; February 11, 2014 at 10:36 PM
ndashb said...: But back to Aries.... I am a Pisces(strong) female w/ my Venus in Aries and he is an Aries with his venus in Pisces. Its hard to put into words but its almost as if we are chasing each other and I know somehow intuitively that we both want each other badly and that we have both been on the HUNT for someone like what each of us exhibits.The problem is that on some level neither of us want to appear too vulnerable or desperate. Having been hurt by the Taurus male, I am very guarded.Plus, every strong person knows, its not attractive to look needy right? ;) lol HOwever, I am realizing that there is a fine. I moved into to the apts I live in 2 years ago. When I first moved in I noticed my firey hot aries neighbor RIGHT away and I even said, "Dear God, Praise you for putting that fine man across my hall if nothing else to drool at!" The Taurus male I dated was no exception ;-P Well,after living there 2 months I noticed aries was dating this sexy chick, darn. The only other time we ever talked besides "hi" in the hall was once when I first moved in he invited me down to the pool to cook and drink w/ him and his friends and of course I didnt bc I dont KNOW them! AWKWARD. But trust me .....I WANTED TO ;) Fast forward 8 months BOOM BOOM....he BOLDY comes knocking at my door!!! (Im not used to a man being to forward-I did the chasing bf lol) and he tells me alllll about him and his girlfriend breaking up bc he finds out shes a stripper! She had lied for 8 months to him and said she did accounting and since he works graveyards as a police officer (so aries) he didnt know. So I realized then that he had to be some what naive but thats a man for ya.....to not notice tiny details! I'm like how?
So, He was trying to get me to come have a drink with him and his buddy across the hall, and yes he literally lives across the hall from my front door! I know its fate right? HAHAHA!I declined bc I was asleep, no make-up on (it was 10pm lol) we are young so usually Im awake, but we chatted in the hall after I met his buddy & he told me ALLL about how his ex gf broke his heart and lied to him and he just opened up to me. He was asking me if I thought he would ever find a good girl and I said of course you will(smile). All the while in the back of my mind Im wondering why his sexy ass came knocking...OH looking for a rebound chick I thought. Hes like, I feel so stupid like a creeper for asking you to come have a drink and you dont want to. Im like sorry Im just tired he wants to exchange numbers so we do and I go back inside. I dont really run into him much after that.....
Fast foward 3 months later and he comes knocking again, he usually strikes at night since he sleeps during the daytime lol, I remember I have his number and IM like, u knock? and hes like, I want to cuddle. LOL Im thinking, ok hes drunk and he wants sex, he sends me an enticing pic text of him with no shirt and yup sure enuff drunk looking sexy ass hell though! Not even 5 min later hes back knocking again! I open the door and Im SHOCKED to see him standing there in a robe and black boxer brief underwear and nothing else! I'm laughing b/c SOOO much is running through my mind as you can imagine!
Continued.....; February 11, 2014 at 10:42 PM
ndashb said...: ..........Im like, hes so full of himself, is this guy for real, who does he think I am? Is it that easy for men to get laid nowadays? I kept it light & was laughing and told him straight up, "LOOK im not that kind of girl, and honestly I'm wishing a little bit that I WAS that kind of girl right now, but Im not! And if this was any other single chicks door.,..I'm sure she would let you right on in. Ur clearly drunk, u don't know what ur doing, go home, go to bed or ur gonna be embarrassed tomorrow." Im smiling and laughing,Hes like, I know what Im doing, Im not drunk, are you sure ur want me to go?. HAHAHAH YES! SO let the chase begin....DOnt get me wrong....IVE BEEN LUSTING after this man for a year but I didnt want him THAT WAY! I wanted him ANOTHER WAY, MY WAY! And I told myself.....U better play this right if you want this man, but b/c my guard was up, the games insued!!! And let me tell you, no one plays games like an Aries man plays games! Funny enough these games were all an attempt "to catch me" He already caught me....he just didnt know it but the doubt in my mind started as soon as the games did causing my guard to go up more, all the while Im only analyzing his behavior, I'm curios by it bc Ive never met anyone quite like him before!
To be continued.....; February 11, 2014 at 10:48 PM
Valerie said...: Please help me. I am barely able to write this and I hella fucking depressed. LOL. I am a Sagittarius, and I love an Aries, but he treats me like shit. Like he puts me down and makes me feel like I'm lower than shit sometimes. Last night talked to him on the phone and told him that I have something to talk to him about.

He brought u a bunch of things about me that he thinks I'm not good enough at. He called me childish in a way, inconsiderate, blah blah blah. I got pissed, cried, threw the shit in my house, went outside and screamed "FUCK YOU!" and laid in the forest. Then randomly he showed up at my front door and asked me to star gaze with him in a field. I did, and he talked about himself for a few hours. Then he wanted to randomly go quading in the woods, at like 2 am (but that didn't work out because his storage unit was closed).

We are in his truck outside my house, and we start to argue again. I told him once that he was egotistical, and he BLEW UP on me and explained in so much detail how I am actually egotistical and all the reasons he isn't (even though he is). At one point he blew up and said "get out of my truck. We are not friends anymore, I never wanna see you again". And I cried a little. But I explained my side of the story and it reconciled it.

I told him that I loved him and actually wanted to his his baby at one point (which he received well). And at the end of it I felt like we settled the tension in the air. He gave me a long hug, and I knew he enjoyed it. He walked to to my front door and gave me another hug. Then I texted him telling him "I've had you deep in my heart for a long time. I never saw anyone else as better then you". And... He never replied. Then I asked "What do you think about what I said? I feel confused and in the dark." No reply.

I know he is busy, and whatever. Maybe he doesn't wanna be friends still. But I'm starting to think, maybe I should just turn my phone off? Block his number? Text him and tell him "I will never talk to you again" or something? Honestly, I feel like throwing up. He has done a lot for me. I know from his actions that he cares about me, but his words hurt. And last night he said he didn't wanna be my friend anymore because I bring him unnecessary misery that he doesn't need.

I'm not good at playing games, at all by the way. I'm the honest type. Should I remain here, loyal, in love and waiting? Or should I move the fuck on and leave him in the dust? Or try to hurt him? I'm not sure. :(; March 7, 2014 at 5:06 PM
Valerie said...: Thank you for having this website, btw the way. It is awesome and a life saver; March 7, 2014 at 5:07 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Valerie,
"Should I remain here, loyal, in love and waiting?"

NEVER - and I mean never - sit around waiting on a man to make a decision about you dear. Never give him that ultimate type of power in the relationship, as if the entire thing hinges on HIS DECISIONS. If you do that, if you signal that you're willing to do that and then you hand that power over to him, he'll place you on the back burner faster than you can say "bastard" - and he'll see you as "Plan B."

Why? Because you've REASSURED him that you're there, sitting, willing and waiting - and that he doesn't have to do another thing, he doesn't have to lift a finger...for YOU. Because HE'S feeling all great, warm and fuzzy inside and experiencing the security and reassurance you've just given him....while he also experiences the power to leave you hanging, in a state of suspended emotion.

Read this piece here on that very topic:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2014/02/dating-feeling-helpless-what-to-do.html

And then after you read the one above, read this one...this is what you then do next:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/dating-when-why-how-use-no-contact-rule.html

And after you do what's suggested in the link immediately above, he learns a VERY valuable lesson....one of CONSEQUENCES (for his actions):

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/how-to-say-no-dating-life-consequence.html

Read each of those 3 links above and let those concepts germinate in your mind dear - let them grow, embrace them and embrace YOUR power dear :-); March 7, 2014 at 6:27 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Valerie,
I should've explained my back burner theory a bit better. Because I think women think that by giving the man what they ultimately want, what you a woman ultimately wants which is reassurance and security, I think women think this is doing themselves a big favor. When the reality is that it does the exact opposite.

So let me using my back burner theory to explain.

Image a stove dear, with 4 burners going, all lit up. And let's say...you're a pot of sauce. He's brought you to a boil and as a result, in order to quell the situation and turn down the heat on a heated moment, you reassure him that you're there, all is well, and you're waiting to be served, waiting for him to decide when the time is right for you to be served.

So what will he do next with that pot of sauce that was boiling and bubbling, but has now had the heat turned down (he's been reassured)? He'll place the pot of sauce on the back burner, on low heat....and he'll leave it there, to simmer for an indefinite period. He'll do this because he knows that the sauce can simmer for an infinite amount of time without bubbling over again (he's been reassured it won't).

So the pot of sauce (you) goes onto the back burner, left for an indefinite amount of time, simmering on low heat - with him coming along every once in a while and taking two seconds to stir it.

Once he's got the sauce situation under control (you), what will he do next?

He will turn his full attention towards the other 3 pots on the stove, the one's that aren't simmering quietly in the background. He'll tend to the other one that's begining to boil over first, and then he'll keep a close eye on the second one that's a bit more fragile and may burn easily, and he'll also be keeping a close eye on the one that's almost done.

Bottom line: All 3 of the other pots will get more attention than the sauce (you). Why? Because they're not simmering quietly in the background. Instead, they need constant attention and they aren't willing to wait for it, they can't wait for it...if they do, they may burn and never be served (i.e. these 3 pots represent women, meaning, they may walk away).

He knows that if these 3 other pots burn (walk away), he will not be able to serve them (have them).

But you, the sauce simmering quietly in the background, needing very little attention and waiting to be served...may NEVER be served. Why?

Because he has ruined dinner and now the sauce isn't important to him.

Don't be the sauce dear, LOL. Don't be the sauce willing to sit on the back burner, simmering for an indefinite period of time - instead, be the dish that may get burned (walk away) unless the proper care and attention is paid to it ;-); March 7, 2014 at 6:43 PM
Anonymous said...: Dear Mirror, Taurus woman here. First off let me thank you for this blog, your wisdom and insight. You are truly gifted! I have spent the last week reading each post in the comments. Fascinating and eye-opening. I really wish I had read this sooner......because of the following. An Aries guy who I went to highschool with, but never really hung out with, confessed to me about a month ago that he wanted to have sex with me so badly since back in the day. When I asked him why and what took him so long to tell me, he said that he is a very private man and that we never got that close for him to express it and that he always liked to see me. I told him I was flattered but that it wouldn't be so easy. He said he didnt mind that, but that we were both adults abd that we really should'nt play games too long as it would take away the time from us enjoying something that would be great for both of us. He was pretty aggressive about it throughout the rest of the convo. I responded by telling him that if he wanted to be adults about it that I wanted drinks, dinner and convo before we ventured into the physical. Oh before I continue, I need to add that I was not adverse to a 'no strings' attached arrangement as I had no time or interest in a relationship. Hence why I wasnt offended by his suggestion. (plus i thought he was cute and sexy) We exchanged numbers after that initial convo (which was via fb) abd and had a phone conversation after that. As I was treating this like a potential FWB thing...I basically discussed the arrangements and the hard limits with him. I was not interested in becoming friends etc..just in getting the deal ironed out from the beginning. But.....what I thought would be something mutally benificialhad turned out to be a cloak and dagger game. Atleast 3 occasions where arrangements were made(by me) have been cancelled at the ladt minute by him. On one occasion when I texted him after I went clubbing, to see if he wanted to hook up after work, (he is a very popular dj and was working a gig)...he basically told me that he was tired but that I could provide him with some 'oral relaxation' only...and that he was not interested in sex at the moment. I laughed and told him that when he was ready to reciprocate all actions he could contact me. I left it at that. Two days later he texts me 'gm' but I dont answer till much later with 'gm. Have a good day'. The next day..another gm text and now he adds ...'I see ur holding strong'. Hours later I text him that i am not doing anything other than living my life and that I dont have time for selfish behaviour. He becomes irritated and later on the phone we have a 'discussion' about it. It gets settled and we make plans for the week to hook up. Ofcourse he cancelled again and I respond irritated and tell him to bug off.; March 7, 2014 at 11:51 PM
Anonymous said...: Cont ........ A week goes by and through circumstances he ends up coming to my job. We sit and chat in his car for a while and he confesses that he would like to ravish me right there and then but that he has chosen to remain reserved. I dont really respond....but make sexually charged comments and movements to see if he can be moved. He gives in a little and I leave with a smirk.Fast forward to a few weeks later....we are in a pull-push situation. I will contact him and talk to him for a while....and then dissapear and then vice versa. Thing with him is....he doesnt call and rarely texts first...but when I do call we can have great conversation. When I point it out to him he always says that he isnt much of a talker so if people dont call him he wont converse. Of course I tell him that is selfish bs and tell him to miss me with all that. I put him on the back burner and was busy with work till about a week ago when I am walking in town and he drives past me. He slows down and we have a chat. He seems genuinely happy to see me and offers to drive me to my destination. I hop in the car and we chat. We both realize that traffic is too heavy...and he is going to be late for work if we cont to go in that direction. He tells me has to go home to pick up his equipment for work and asks me what I want to do....I tell him I'll tag along....as im in no rush. We drive to his house...and you would think that he would seize the opportunity to make our 'deal' a reality. .but he doesn't. ..he doesnt make any moves, is a total gentleman and I just look around his house while he gathers his stuff. While he is changing Shirts, i seize the opportunity to give him a back massage which he thouroughly enjoyed and then leave it at that. We drive back to town and he drops me off at my destination. Before I get out, I motion for him to come closer. When he turns to give me his cheek I tell him that I dont want that...but his lips. He turns his face..and we briefly kiss. WhomI break away i notice that he has his eyes still closed. I smile and thank him for the drive and leave.; March 7, 2014 at 11:52 PM
Anonymous said...: Later that night i met up with friends at the club where he work. At the end of the night we are standing talking. The club empties out and we are still talking. He tells me about what really goes on after the club closes. Lol.....now that i recall most of our conversations are about him. I leave the club...and decide that i am done waiting on this arrangement cause it is obvious to me that this is all a game to him. And yet throughout it all, whenever we do talk or see each other face to face i would get the impression ( or maybe it was my subconscious) that he was in this for more than just the sex. I got concerned about my mental state ...lol. Monday at the start of my new job he msgs me 'good morning'. At the end of the day i msg him and'good afternoon. U good?. He is tells me that he is good, that he had some serious things to deal with on Sunday. When i ask what that was...he says 'leave it. It's cool'. So i do, we chit chat for a little while longer and then i stop responding. That is the last time i have spoken to him. And i couldn't be bothered. He was just playing and i was just the fool to play along. I think i understand now what you mean about them when you say that they play games for amusement.

Your thoughts?; March 7, 2014 at 11:54 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Mar 7, 11:51 PM,
"confessed to me about a month ago that he wanted to have sex with me so badly since back in the day"

Keep in mind he said he wanted to have sex with you - not a relationship - two VERY different things.

"I was not adverse to a 'no strings' attached arrangement as I had no time or interest in a relationship"

While I understand that dear, I don't advocate casual sex for women. And the reason is because women tend to fool themselves into thinking they can successfully navigate that terrain, but fail to understand that it's like shooting themselves in the foot - because when women have sex (physical contact) with men, their brain releases Oxytocin...and this creates an emotional bond for the woman. However, in men, physical contact releases a large jolt of testosterone, which has the exact OPPOSITE effect (i.e. men do not bond emotionally due to sex or physical contact.)

Here's a bit on that:

"Even cultural and political commentators have touted oxytocin's effects, arguing that the hormone makes no-strings-attached sex impossible, especially for women.. . The way chemicals are released in the brain during intercourse is very different in men and women...In women, oxytocin is released. It's a chemical that makes women want to nurture their young and stay close. Men get a huge jolt of testosterone, which suppresses oxytocin, and that's nature's way of saying, 'Leave the nest and go sire offspring somewhere else.' So when women think they can have sex and walk away just like guys do, they're having to suppress thousands of years of evolution that tells them to cuddle."

"why I wasnt offended by his suggestion"

You should have been though dear...he's asking to USE you :-(

"he basically told me that he was tired but that I could provide him with some 'oral relaxation' only"

Wow, this guy's really ignorant and has a very LOW view of women. He objectifies them, as if they're an object free for his USE, that's there simply to serve him. Next time he speaks to you with such utter disrespect....tell him not to be cheap, to spring a $20 and got get a prostitute to do that for him instead.

"he doesnt call and rarely texts first"

BIG red flag dear - trust me, once this guy gets to use you, gets what he wants from you, he's going to dispose of you immediately afterward and treat you with ignorance. Do NOT be so willing to tolerate this type of treatment from a man dear - YOU are worth a LOT more than this. Never settle for this type of disrespect dear - EVER. Sexual pleasure is NOT worth your dignity :-(

"When I point it out to him he always says that he isnt much of a talker so if people dont call him he wont converse."

He's full of BS. This guy's a straight up player that has no respect for women whatsoever. He expects to be able to use them, he doesn't value them, he most likely disposes of them the minute he gets what he wants - and he expects to be chased by them.

Cont...; March 8, 2014 at 10:46 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: "he doesnt make any moves, is a total gentleman"

I'm not so sure I agree with that dear...he's a player and he's playing the game....hanging back, giving you very little so that you'll try HARDER to win HIM over. It's the players entire game dear - make the woman feel "less" somehow so that she kicks it into overdrive and tries harder with him. It's how a player gets a woman "hooked" and gains the upper hand.

"I think i understand now what you mean about them when you say that they play games for amusement."

Exactly dear - read what I wrote just above this again...it's the game. And in this man's case (and sometimes you'll see this), when a man is secretly insecure (doesn't feel good about himself), he'll overcompensate for that. And this is done by either being extremely "macho" or by touting himself as a real "catch" (something hard to get but very valuable once it's captured).

And what they truly enjoy about that might not necessarily be the sex, sometimes, it may just be the ego stroke. Because the ego stroke that comes from others helps them to feel good about themselves (because secretly they don't) and they suck it up like sunshine like a vampire, stealing your light in dark ways to make themselves feel better. And some can even be sadistic about it, treating others incredibly poorly, watching them work harder to win the man over - and the guy just sits back, extremely entertained by the entire ordeal, and feeling rather good about themselves for simply proving that they can...they can actually manipulate someone into doing so, which gives them great enjoyment.

This guy's trouble dear. He has absolutely NOTHING to offer you here and the only thing he will bring into your life is misery and grief and cause you to second guess yourself and doubt yourself - all very negative things. These folks are very selfish, damaged individuals and as such, you will find that most times, they're terrible lovers as a result - very selfish. Men like this simply aren't worth it dear. Never give them power over you and never be willing to toss your dignity to the wind for them - EVER.

Because what follows, will be an absolute emotional beat down by them, with them eventually discarding the woman like trash and doing some serious emotional damage in the meantime. These are the men that complain the most about all the "effed" up women out there....yet fail to realize that they contribute to the problem by creating all of those emotionally "effed" up women they speak of :-(

He's trouble and he's got nothing of value to offer you - steer clear of this one.; March 8, 2014 at 10:46 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Mar 7, 11:51 PM,
I should clarify that when I'm referencing "men like this" in the above comment, I'm not necessarily speaking of Aries men - I'm speaking of men like the individual you're discussing here....players and the macho insecure types that overcompensate.

When you have an Aries behaving this way, that can get even more complicated. Lots of men behave this way, however, the Aries love of game playing and competition can kick it up a notch is all.; March 8, 2014 at 11:00 AM
Anonymous said...: @ Mirror........Anon Taurus (march 7, 11:51pm) here..... Thank you for your vey quick response. And insight. You are absolutely right about everything you said. I knew all of these things you mentioned instinctually but chose (stupidly) to let 'logic' override it. Guess i needed a swift reality check before becoming another notch on his belt or a 'toy' for his sadistic pleasure. He definetly has objectified women from what I can see. The 'groupie' thing has gone to his head and he assumed (and I inadvertently contributed to this) that I was one as well. (though he will be adamant about the fact that he doesn't do groupie's and has never taken home a girl from the club. Yeah right!!). I guess i figured that if he could so blatantly come out and say he wanted only sex, two could play that game as i only wanted that as well. Though i have done it before, i believe i was overestimating my ability to be completely detached from the act. (it's easier to do when your younger i guess ...lol)

As for him being insecure. ....my gut told me that in the beginning and once again logic cast a shadow of doubt. Which resulted in me playing along far longer then before. I am thankful that we didnt sleep together. (Dodged that bullet phew!).......

"These folks are very selfish, damaged individuals and as such, you will find that most times, they're terrible lovers as a result - very selfish"

Couldn't agree with you more. I abhor selfishness and this guy has it in spades. It would have been a complete let down and i would have been real pissed if the sex had been a one man stroke (pun intended :-)) show.; March 8, 2014 at 12:04 PM
Anonymous said...: Cont ........
"He's trouble and he's got nothing of value to offer you - steer clear of this one."

Sooooo very very true! Am definitely going to follow your advice, as i have already started to steer clear after my last mssg. Funny enough though, as i am busy typing this, i received a mssg from him "Good Morning Stranger.....how are you". *rolls eyes*..... so not worth a response. Its so liberating to have figured out someone's m.o. And be able to deal with it accordingly. I will be going 'ghost' on him for sure and it won't be difficult for me at all. I am sure he will move on very soon and find someone new to go toy with. The only thing i will have to deal with is the occasional bumping into each other at social functions and the club. Which i can keep to a simple 'hey. How u doing' and keep it moving.

Thanks for the 'reality check' Mirror! Appreciate it!

Ps: love the $20 dollar prostitute comment Havana. Wish i had said that instead as it probably would have shoo'ed him away faster.; March 8, 2014 at 12:08 PM
Valerie said...: Wow. Mirror of Aphrodite, you are awesome. I read your reply to me, and it charged me up so much my Aries roommate sensed my energy and came into my room asking if I was ok xD I became so heated, pissed off, and humiliatingly upset when you explained the back burner theory to me. You revealed to me how my ex-boyfriend (the Aries I wrote about) is thinking. He is treating me like the simmering sauce... And it is so disrespectful and aggravating. It really fires me up (since I am a fire sign. This stuff makes engulfs me!)

Anyway, I need a little more advice. So, my Aries man officially said that we are no longer friends. This is the day after we he took me to watch stars, then fought with me.

He sent me a text, way later in the day, saying "I feel sad and lonely. But I need to be alone. I don't want to open my heart ever again. You affected me more than I realized, you got through my barriers. I know this because I've been upset many times from things (he's talking about being upset because of me). I need to protect myself, and it would be good for you to do the same. I hope you can be freer and happy, and not self-destructive. Take care."

So, he officially ended our relationship and friendship in that text. I did not reply at all. I was upset at first, but I got focused on school work (creating a skit) and actually had fun being productive. I pushed him from my mind and decided to not talk to him anymore.

Then the next day HE actually sends me another text saying "I hope you are holding up ok. I also hope that you did well on your skit. As well as getting to go to six flags and all that jazz." (I plan on going to 6 flags for spring break). He is obviously thinking about me and curious as to why I didn't reply to him. He said "I hope you're HOLDING UP OK". Basically he's fishing for a response from me. He wants to know that I'm upset and hung up over him. But because I didn't reply to him, he felt insecure and a little desperate. Maybe the tables are turning?

I plan on not replying to any of his texts for at least 30 days. He hasn't attempted to text or call me since that last text. I read your article on "the silent treatment", and it said that if I disappear, the guy will begin to long for me. Do you think he will start to long for me if I totally disappear? Or maybe he will actually, genuinely move on and lose interest?

I actually am genuinely moving on. I am focusing on school work, making new friends, and feeling a new fire for life again. I think that ending my friendship with him has helped me immensely. no more time spent obsessing over him. (I obsessed about him 24/7, and it was affecting my performance as a student).

(I will continue this in another post).; March 12, 2014 at 4:50 AM
Valerie said...: (Continuation...)

Today I saw him in the center of red square (the main area of campus). He was PROUDLY standing strong, firmly in on stop talking to some random person. I IMMEDIATELY recognized him from a mile away and i hid. (good thing he has bad vision). I hid, freaking out thinking of what I should do. I wasn't ready to talk passed him yet, so I went OUT of my way to Ninja around him. I went a hella weird way, sort of climbing and camouflaging myself in order to sneak by. HAHAH (hopefully he didn't see me, or else I would have looked hella weird).

But 10 minutes later, I looked out the window and he was STILL standing firmly in that same spot! (it kind of pissed me off. Like, seriously? Do you have to be so overly confident and wanting to be seen allll the time??) Anyway, I sucked up my fear and tried to have courage. I walked passed him, trying to look confident and assertive. I might have over-compensated though, and looked over the top ridiculous (hair blowing in the wind, dramatically walking with a hop in my step, possibly shacking my ass weirdly.)

You know when you're on stage and you forget how to walk normally? I was sort of experiencing that xD LOL.

Anyway, I don't know if he even noticed me, since he was talking to someone else. Though, my hair is bright orange and it was a sunny day, so I think he might have glanced and noticed. But I acted totally oblivious of his existence.

What do you think? Should I continue the silent treatment? Should I strut in-front of him one day with a new male friend and make him jealous? Should I try to hurt him by saying "I am done with you and your bullshit"? Do you think the silent treatment is good enough? I am honestly moving on, which really helps. But I can't help but want to regain the power. Maybe only for my sake. A part of me still cares about him and loves him, and another part of me is realizing that he was an ass and I can do better than him. And in a way, I'm actually over him and his lame shit. But, I would love to make him pine over me and feel desperate over me. That would be ironic and awesome.

What do you think, Mrs. Aphrodite? :); March 12, 2014 at 4:51 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Valerie,
"Do you think he will start to long for me if I totally disappear? Or maybe he will actually, genuinely move on and lose interest?"

That's one of the points of that silent exercise dear - not only to help you detach, but to answer those questions. If he begins to long for you and miss you, he genuinely cares. If he doesn't and he moves on, then he didn't. Only time and silence can answer those questions.

"Should I continue the silent treatment?"

If you want those questions above answered and you want to see if he "feels" something for you in your absence, then yes.

"Should I strut in-front of him one day with a new male friend and make him jealous?"

I wouldn't go out of my way to stir any drama. But if it just so happens that he sees you with another man, which I assume will eventually happen, then no harm no foul there.

"Should I try to hurt him by saying "I am done with you and your bullshit"?"

No, that's emotional drama and when men see women behaving like that, they get the exact OPPOSITE impression. Instead of it signaling that you're done...all you end up doing is signaling that you still care. (Because if you didn't, you wouldn't bother engaging him in verbal sparring.)

"But I can't help but want to regain the power"

Silence IS power. By doing and saying nothing...you're actually doing and saying a LOT ;-); March 12, 2014 at 1:58 PM
Valerie said...: I saw him today. I was outside with a circus club (people playing with hoola hoops and stuff) and he walked towards a mutual friends I was talking too. I glanced over and saw him, and I was immediately filled with an intense heat, passion, and intense feeling of being alive. I was like an empty cup, and his energy was so powerful it instantly shot so much hella intense energy into me. I think that must mean he was focusing on me (even though he didn't talk to me). The energy I got from seeing him indicates to me that he was focusing on me, since I was dressed really sexily.

All I heard him say to our mutual was "I'm super busy right now" and he was gone as fast as he came. I never looked at him or acknowledged his presence, except for the quick glance.

But I'm glad you told me to stop talking with him. You are so right, that is my power. Even though it feels passive, it is actually strength.

But right now I have another issue..... There is this other guy I like (who's also an Aries) and we're roommates. He just brought home this blonde chick, and he went into his room with her and they're hanging out now. When I saw her I internally got hella pissed and jealous. I guess I'm just a jealous person. And I feel a little hurt, and I keep thinking in my head "you asshole!". Do you think he's trying to make me jealous? I'm not sure how to react. Should I just ignore him, or try to compete? Maybe I'm not meant to be with Aries guys cuz they're mind games are too complicated. Do I have to act totally uninterested? Do I have to play a cat and mouse game and be the freaking mouse? Hellllpppp ToT

(You are so smart, by the way. I feel like you are my emotional support for dealing with Aries, and it is SO NEEDED!!!); March 13, 2014 at 2:14 AM
Anonymous said...: I'm so glad I've found this page and I've learnt so much by reading most of the comments! I'd like to ask for an outsider's opinion about my situation.
I'm a Pisceas and my boyfriend is Aries, we've been together for 4.5 years. I moved in with him after about two months so. We worked together in the UK but both of us are from other European countries. Everything was great, I felt I met someone who respects me, he was always generous not just with me but with friends and family, helpful and so on, cooks well and is very capable of doing all the housework. He always told me "you get what you see" but only now I start to see that. Anyway just to mention the more important issues. We discussed that we both want to get married only when we find the right person not because of family pressure. I was honest from the beginning that I don't want to have children, one reason is because I'm scared that I'd be left alone, financially insecure. He said he wanted to have children soon because he's getting old (he's now 44 me 38) and I AM running out of time to have children. And that I would change my mind. So I started to stress about it all and felt that I have only a couple of years before I have to do all this and tried to force myself to change my mind. these topics only came up when I brought them up btw, he never initiated. But always said that he'd like to be with me with or without children. When my friends asked us just casually nothing serious about when we'd get married he always blamed me: if he was sure about me he'd had already done it or I'd like such a big diamond that he cannot buy it (btw it's not a problem he has plenty of it and I never wanted any jellewry, which he always buys me). Once he forced me to say to one of his couple friends that we won't have children because I don't want it. But he never discussed these things with me in private. When I confronted him why to blame me he says he had to say something and it's our business. So why not talk about it with me???
And after two years he got fed up with his work because he didn't get promoted, and he hated the whole place. He's from Greece and we both love the country but it's not the right time to come here. Nevertheless he came back to sort out his family pharmacy and was going on about how much he doesn't mind if he doesn't have much money, he wants to live here etc. he said that he can see that the pharmacy is getting better and it could support us. I stayed in my well-paid secure job for a while so we were apart for about 8 months. We agreed that I'd go to Greece and I quit my job, gave up everything. And all the way I was expecting that now he'd make a move towards getting more serious. But nothing...we had short, lovely holidays where he could have done it or anything. He made me an amazing surprise party when I arrived to Greece! And one day over skype while I was at home with my family it came out of me because I was so confused about him and what's going on. He said he didn't realise it was necessary, and that he though it'd be too much for me because I should get used to the country (I had visited so many times, already spoke the language a bit so I didn't feel I had a shock at all), he wasn't in the right mood because of other work issues and that's why he did the welcome party, but I should tell my mother that we get married next summer...?????; March 13, 2014 at 4:54 AM
Anonymous said...: continued...
I didn't feel right about it all. Anyway the topic of course never came up again as if nothing happened. Only once because of someone else and he said that he'd do it when our life is in order...and at the same time suddenly he decided that we have to leave the country because the government is making life unpredictable...I said that's how it had been for years, it didn't start now. Of course no reasoning worked. He got a job in Denmark, asked me if I wanted to get married in a civil ceremony just to make me feel more secure and we could get more money as a married couple. I said no. Then at Christmas he bought me a ring but there was no romance or anything special (he had also claimed that he wanted the engagement to be something special) we were just sitting on the sofa and he asked "So yes or no?" nothing else...I had known about it because it was delivered to us and it said what it was in the envelope. This is so not him...I said I felt strange and he said ok let's wait a bit before we say it to anybody, let's get used to the idea. There hasn't been a word about it at all since...the ring is a bit big and we put it away for security reasons when we went out but I cannot bring myself to wear it at all. I don't feel it was coming from his heart and I don't understand why he did it.
I realised now that he never said he wanted to marry ME. And I start to have a feeling that he's been saying to his friends/family that I don't want to get married. I have no proof yet but now that I can talk to his mum in Greek she asks the question as if I wouldn't want it...have to get proof about it though but if he was pushing the responsibility on me when talking to my friends I can imagine that with his it's even more.
We haven't had sex for a long long time and he didn't want to give me a kiss etc. when I stopped doing it to him he was like "you don't love me anymore" typical...
there are many other things, sorry about my long story. I'm at a point of leaving him because I know he won't take me into account again when HE wants to leave and I can't just follow him and give up my job and life all the time. All this became so obvious after we moved out of UK, I didn't see it so much before.
I feel that he says whatever suits him in that moment but forgets it and doesn't care how much his decisions affect other people's lives. I doubt that he'd change and I'm tired of it all..; March 13, 2014 at 4:56 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Valerie,
"Do you think he's trying to make me jealous?"

I wouldn't read too much into it at this point.

"Should I just ignore him, or try to compete?"

I wouldn't bother competing. Competing gives him your power. In order to compete, YOU need to win HIM over...YOU need to go after HIM...and that's not the way it should be.

"Do I have to act totally uninterested? Do I have to play a cat and mouse game and be the freaking mouse?"

You don't have to do anything dear. If a man likes you and he's interested in you...he'll let you know in one way or another.; March 14, 2014 at 8:39 AM

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