Experiences With An Aries Male

I'm a female Taurus and I'll be honest, every new friend, male or female, I seem to make over the years is . . . you guessed it, an Aries.

It's a funny thing and many say that Aries, in particular, seem to be inexplicably drawn to Taurus folks. Anyone who is versed in mythology knows that Ares (Aries), the God of War, and the Goddess Aphrodite, a.k.a the Goddess Venus (planetary ruler of Taurus), bore a child together - Cupid. Being familiar with the Aries personality, many times I can't help but think it's because they underestimate the Taurus personality and tend to think Taurus is someone who will put up with them - and their giant egos, both male and female.

Anyone who truly knows the Aries personality realizes that I didn't just insult them there. Many an Aries will readily admit that it's all about them and this is especially true for the Aries male.

A previous post about experiences with a Taurus male has generated so much interest and discussion that I thought it'd be fun to explore the world of the Aries. But first, I'd like to note that I'm going to tread into some murky waters here and before all you Aries that are in denial begin to bash me for it, let me just say that I know plenty of wonderful Aries, men and women both. So as you continue to read this, please keep that in mind.

The Aries Male

The Aries male is a "mans man" for sure. A macho type that perceives himself as a knight in shining armor. If you ever hear a damsel in distress wailing for assistance, you can be sure that the men charging towards her are going to mainly consist of the Aries breed. And why is this you ask? My opinion is that it's because of their inflated sense of self. In their mind, if they rescue that damsel, she'll be so thankful for him having done so, she'll place him on that pedestal that he feels he so deserves.

You see, Aries men love nothing more than to be the center of someone's universe. Err, let me correct that. The Aries man loves nothing more than to be the center of - the entire universe. And for those of you close to an Aries male, I'm sure you can agree with that statement and your Aries man, most likely, will too. Aries men carry quite the sense of entitlement and many will readily admit to "deserving" things. Especially anything that they feel they've worked hard for. And work hard they do. The Aries male is no slouch. They like to enjoy the finer things in life and they aren't afraid to work for them. As a result of this tenacity and determination, the Aries man is generally a successful man - and they aren't shy about that. They love to hear themselves talk - about themselves and their successes.

You know the old Charlie Brown cartoons? Remember how it would sound when the teacher would speak? "Wah, wah, wah." That's what the Aries male generally hears when others are speaking - nothing but background noise. But when it comes his turn to steal the floor, and steal the floor they will, the spotlight comes on.

If dating an Aries man, on his good days, you'll encounter quite the gentlemen. He prides himself on this but watch out ladies! Aries men are quite the charmers. He'll be happy to have you by his side, he may lather you up with plenty of wonderful compliments and he'll always pick up the tab. After all, he's "the man." The Aries male will watch out for you, he'll defend your honor, and he'll open doors for you. But there's a price to pay for all of this - and that is that you will be his and only his.

Aries men can go so far with this entitlement behavior that you may find yourself unable to have a friendly conversation with any other male on the planet - ever. Psychopathic behavior and furious rage may ensue and when it does, don't make the mistake of confusing this with jealousy. It's about the competition and beating rivals, it has nothing to do with you. And beware, many an Aries man loves to compete with his best bud for a gal, especially if his best bud really likes her. When this happens, once again, it's not about the gal, it's about the competition. It's simply to prove who the better man is and many Aries men can be downright man-whores.

And ladies, when the Aries male rings your phone, you'd better answer and you'd better make yourself available to him. You could be meeting with the Pope and it wouldn't matter - your Aries man had better come first. These guys need lots of attention, from you and from the rest of the world. You see, he's the superstar in his universe and you'd better be his biggest fan at all times, or someone else will move into your worshipping position and right quick.

And my last point leads me into those murky waters I referenced earlier. What's worse than an Aries not receiving the attention that they feel so deserving of? Absolutely nothing!

Being the first sign of the zodiac, you can liken the Aries personality to the babies of the zodiac. Watching an irritated Aries man act out is like watching a two year old throw a temper tantrum. It's like that old saying, "The bigger the man, the harder the fall." This is particularly true for the Aries male.

Aries Male Game Playing and Story Telling

Which leads me to my next point concerning the Aries personality in general, male and female alike - game playing. Just as children love to play games, so does the Aries persona.

As a matter of fact, it's admittedly one of their favorite ways to pass the time. It's almost as if the world exists simply for their entertainment and everyone in it is a character that can be easily manipulated by them for their own enjoyment.

Many times, without giving any thought to the fact that these people they're toying with are human beings, with real feelings. They don't mean to be mean, it's just that they're so caught up in their own world all the time, they don't ever seem to take much time to consider others.

All the Aries head games we're about to delve into won't come as a shock if you understand astrology. You see, their body rulership is that of the head. Eyes, ears, mouth, brain. So it comes as no real shock that head games are so intriquing to them. And one interesting observation is that many an Aries male keeps his hairdo top o' the list. Many sport the "jar head" look - a crew cut or very finely tuned crisp cut, a military look of sorts. I'd venture to guess that Aries men visit the barber twice as often as the average man.

I have a great example of their zany game playing that's just for kicks. I met this one particular Aries male about 5 years ago during a business encounter. He was from the neighborhood so I was somewhat already aware of his background. I already knew what he did for a living and, as is typical of Aries men, he had a great job and a successful career. You'd think that'd be enough to tout about, right? Wrong. This chap happens by my house one day and we get to talking on the front porch.

Nothing heavy, just friendly small talk. And out of nowhere, he says to me, "I used to be a DEA agent down in Chile." (Really? That's funny because I already know that you were a trouble shooter for a big company nearby.) Before I can get one word out, he's elaborating on this fib and watching my reaction closely. Me, being a Taurus, I chose not to call him on his ridiculousness that particular day. I just let him dig himself deeper as this story of his became more elaborate and dramatized by the minute.

But before I go on, let me back up here a minute. I actually hired this fella to do some work on my home. (Hmm, an undercover DEA agent that moonlights as a contractor - interesting, LOL.) Anywho, the day he showed up to do the job, it was about 58 or 59 degrees out, a breezy Spring day. I saw him go up on the roof, fully clothed, and about an hour later, he was knocking at my door, clipboard and invoice in hand - shirtless.

Yes folks, shirtless and half naked on a 58 degree day - in the clients living room. He's standing there with a big grin on his face and when he sees me approaching, he lets himself in, in typical Aries fashion, before I even make it to the door. And I swear, when he stepped inside the house it was like the Flight of the Valkyries was blaring in his head. "Da, da, da, da, DAH - da, da, da, da, DAH." It was like he saw himself as the lead character in his own movie about to perform his Oscar winning performance.

Needless to say, we were never involved other than business and my friends and I now affectionately refer to him as "the naked contractor." Ok, now back to the DEA story. At a later date, he ended up boppin on by again - another infamous Aries male trait - coming over when they're not invited or expected (to spy on you). Only this time, I decided to confront him in typical Taurus fashion about the DEA bit. I said, "Tell me again what you do for a living?" (Aries translation: Talk about yourself more.) His response? A big smirk began to display across his face, he looked down at the ground like a little boy kicking stones (awe shucks), and said, "I was a trouble shooter." And he just about cracked himself up over the whole thing.

You see, it was all for kicks, a game, and he was gunning for a big reaction to stroke that giant ego of his. "Oh wow! Really?! You were a big, bad DEA agent in another country (which doesn't even make sense in and of itself) - oh boy!! You must be the worlds most interesting man alive!" That's what he was shooting for anyway. That isn't the reaction he got from a Taurus, however. We rarely ever play our cards on the first few rounds.

The Aries Male Dark Side

That particular story is one that relates to playful Aries games. However, they do have a darker side, as do we all, and believe you me, they love nothing more than a good skirmish with someone. A girlfriend of mine that was involved with an Aries for more than 40 years claims that a heated debate can be much like foreplay to them. Like one of those scenes in the old fashioned black and white movies where the woman's telling this guy what she really thinks of him, she's really letting him have it - and then he suddenly and unexpectedly grabs her and lays a long, passionate kiss on her.

That's the stuff of Aries mens dreams. If you want to see an Aries man come alive, start a heated debate. But a hurt Aries male and the games that will ensue afterwards are something of an entirely different nature indeed. Ladies, beware. These guys can be downright cruel, especially during a breakup.

The Aries male motto concerning love and relationships just has to be, "All is fair in love and war." And to the Aries male, love IS war. I've seen many an Aries man, within days of a breakup, strut another woman in the previous womans face - and with great delight, like they just won the World Cup. I've seen them come up with ways to make the previous woman jealous that you wouldn't believe, gunning for that big reaction. You know, the kind where the woman just looses her mind and goes all crazy ape on the guy.

An Aries man won't be put off by that behavior, he'll be thoroughy entertained by it and he'll be sharing that story with his buds. "You shoulda seen her, she went nuts. It was great! I wish you could've seen it!" Yes ladies, these guys will "stoop." They'll play dirty and throw all the rules of etiquette right out the window - and into your face. Speaking of games, other favorite dating past times of the Aries male include doing silly things like sending a slew of texts and then - poof, disappearing for hours once they get you to respond.

They also get a big kick out of making plans and then cancelling at the last minute. Much of this is to test your emotional strength. Will you go ballistic? If you do, they got your number - let the games begin! If you don't, you're a challenge. Again, let the games begin!

Maybe some of the above has happened to you and, dare I say, you seek revenge on an Aries. If so, play it careful, ladies. Once you engage these fellas, it's on.

Aries Male In A Nutshell

Are you getting what I'm throwing down yet? See the theme developing here? Games, challenges, conquering and warrior like behavior tinged with worship. It's even better when it all ends with a "rescue" of sorts.

The Aries male is a true gladiator and when you think things may be going badly, chances are - he's having the time of his life. This one loves a good bit of drama. Which I believe is the reason you see so many Aries/Gemini pairings. We all know the Gemini personality tends to be a split personality of sorts. The continued drama, worry, nervousness and indecisiveness of the Gemini persona seems to keep the Aries interested and continually challenged over the long haul. Drama, drama, drama and a pure love of the thrill of the chase. So much so, that once they catch you - all too often, they then quickly disappear.

Why behave like this, you ask? It's about the challenge. If that disappears and they've figured you out, as much as I hate to say it, you become boring to them. If you're gunning for an Aries male, my advice to you if you'd like to snag him would be to run in the other direction. Just run, run and then keep running from him. He'll chase you like there's no tomorrow and he'll love every minute of it.

What woman is the woman that usually captures the Aries man's heart? This is funny, but most times, a woman that's been with an Aries man for a while will tell you, "When I first met him, I didn't like him." And he knew it - and that's when the chase began, he stumbled - and then fell in love. These chaps are funny, the more you dislike them, the more they like you and the harder they set out to change your mind.

And don't let the macho masculinity of this sign throw you - they love a woman that speaks her mind and isn't afraid to put them in their place every once in a while. You may think you're going to upset them by speaking frankly, but the fact is, they'll be thoroughly entertained by your tenacity and find you even more intriquing.

All that being said, generally, you can always count on the Aries male, regardless of your history together, friendship or otherwise. And once all the game playing and worshipping comes to an end, 90% of the time, you can look back on it together and have a laugh. When you've reached that point, feel free to poke fun at the Aries male for all his zany behavior and crazy story telling - I do it all the time with my Aries friends, male and female alike, and they can, indeed, laugh at themselves.

And then eventually will come the day they actually admit to "the game" - and they'll be quite sad it's all over.

"For Zeus wept when there were no worlds left to conquer."

910 Comments:

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Anonymous said...: I tend not to be attracted to fellow Fire signs. Perhaps it's just as well.
I have an Aries father so I am used to them and being an Aries myself I can see me in them, or them in me. I can understand perfectly well when and why my Aries uncle gets into arguments with people on the tube.No-one else can.
I met a guy through internet dating once and arranged to meet up. He was an Aries,, and unsurprisingly good-looking, economical with his words, a tennis and life coach to boot, and the date was more like a job interview than anything else. It took him all of half an hour to decide he wasn't interested. I wasn't offended though, I had to laugh, because I thought it such a good example of the Aries brutal honesty. Yes it is not particularly nice but at least it is not pretending to be nice in the manner of pulling teeth like some signs I could mention...they all of them do exactly the same thing, just in a longer and drawn-out manner, which wastes time. At least from that point of view we won't waste your time.
From the relationship point of view we actually can be very good providers and very understanding and supportive, however if the other person is pissing us about our patience will not last forever and we WILL dump them if the behaviour goes on too long. It's not that we are not relationship people, but we like quality just as much as anyone else.; March 16, 2014 at 6:29 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi Mirror, I've come on here before for advice on Aries & Virgo men. This time, I am having trouble understanding a Taurus woman in a professional setting. I worked three months at this new job and worked closely every day with a Taurus girl (I am a capricorn girl, scorpio rising). She was very social with all the coworkers, amiable, nice, gentle in giving instructions, very cheerful, very knowledgeable and reliable. Her and I worked closely together just about every day. She would ask personal details about my life and I would reciprocate. The entire time I was trying to distinguish if she was building a real rapport or if it was all superficial to facilitate our professional relationship. Fast forward to three months later, now, and she gets a promotion and becomes one of my two bosses. Two weeks later of her holding this position and she facilitates my being fired. I really don't understand what happened and am left in much mystery. The two reasons I was given are not plausible reasons and it's obvious by them that there is either an element of jealousy or that I was just wanted out. What are Taurus women like - do they play coy and nice until they have power and then their real sides come out? Do they fake trust & loyalty? The sweet girl whom I worked with, and whom I was genuinely starting to see as a friend, turned on me and I am left in complete mystery and trying to understand the true psyche that lies beneath the Taurus facade of being a social butterfly. Please can you provide me some insight?; April 2, 2014 at 1:20 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Wed, Apr 2, 1:20 PM,
"Two weeks later of her holding this position and she facilitates my being fired."

That's unfortunate dear and I'm sorry to hear that, sorry that this has happened to you. However, now that she's management, she's probably being forced to do some things that maybe go against her better judgment, but are for the betterment of the company or to facilitate a new direction the company is heading. I wouldn't solely hold her responsible for this singular event though. She's the new kid on the block so-to-speak in that management circle and probably has little sway there currently as a result, ya' know?

"What are Taurus women like - do they play coy and nice until they have power and then their real sides come out?"

I'm a Taurus female and speaking from my own experience - games are not my forte. Meaning, scheming and predatory behavior and social climbing are generally not Taurus traits. Taurus rarely fakes it and most times, if a Taurus individual doesn't like you - you feel it. They won't always say it, but you WILL always feel it - like a cold brick wall. So my guess here is that her interactions with you were genuine. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have been so helpful. Instead, she would've been stubborn and stood ground with you.

Taurus individuals are more likely to be steadfast, extremely loyal and unwavering (when displaying their light). And my guess here is that her loyalty in the end lay with the company - and not you as an individual unfortunately.

"Do they fake trust & loyalty?"

Like I said, in my experience, they suck at faking, LOL. I'm a Taurus, and I'm stubborn and I don't like insincerity - at all. So rather than be insincere and fake it....I just won't react - period. I won't fake it, I just won't do anything instead, LOL. I won't pretend to like you, I simply won't interact with you much. I won't lie to you, I simply won't say anything at all. And I know about 5 other Taurus females - that are the same exact way. They don't fake and lie and manipulate their way through things...if anything, they'll simply avoid you if they don't care for you - and that's how you'll feel it....through avoidance, lack of response, lack of care, lack of interaction - not fakery.

Now granted, you can't smash all Taurus females under that one personality trait - but stubbornness is a Taurus forte' dear, LOL. It's not when a Taurus is moving around being a social butterfly that you should worry....it's when a Taurus is standing - still - steadfast and stubborn, that they're not happy with you. If they're interacting with you prior to that and you're not feeling any distance there, then that's generally genuine from them because like I said, if it wasn't....they wouldn't bother.

"The sweet girl whom I worked with, and whom I was genuinely starting to see as a friend, turned on me and I am left in complete mystery and trying to understand the true psyche that lies beneath the Taurus facade of being a social butterfly."

Cont...; April 2, 2014 at 5:54 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: Just because a Taurus is sweet dear, doesn't mean she's a pushover. Don't mistake Taurus kindness for weakness. Meaning, even if she's a kind individual and truly does think highly of you....she's still strong enough to do what needs done. And if management is making cuts and you're one of them on the list, and she's new management, she's going to do what needs done dear - regardless of her personal feelings for you, ya' know? She's not going to place herself and her job at risk going to bat for a woman in the office that's an acquaintance ya' know? In that respect dear, Taurus have an unwavering inner strength. Like I said, most people mistake the kindness for weakness but I guarantee you, Taurus have unwavering strength, much like their sign's association to a bull, and they are always prepared to do what they have to do in the end - even if it means doing something that's hard for them to do :-(

I know you feel this was personal but I wouldn't look at it like that. I wouldn't look at it as jealousy, I'd look at it as business dear. This company might be moving in a different direction, there may be more cuts, they may have had to make budget cuts, they may have eliminated the position....you just don't know and frankly, they're not going to be honest with you about the "big picture" view of the company as that's managements insight and it's not for public knowledge.

Unfortunately dear - business is business. And these days, business is a dog eat dog world, just like much of the rest of the world is now :-( Most likely dear this was a business move and not a personal jealousy issue. Think about it...do you really think that management is going to let a newly appointed manager abuse her new position to enact her personal motives without proof of any benefits to the business? Doubtful dear. If she did attempt that, she'd have to justify it on a business level and she'd have to have a good reason for doing so. If the power and decisions were solely hers, then she might have an easier time of doing something like that. But chances are there was more than one person involved in this decision.; April 2, 2014 at 5:54 PM
Anonymous said...: I love my Aries man. He is complicated and wonderful!
I'm Gemini so I can handle anything my Aries can dish out.I would have to say his Honesty is one of his best qualities.They are clever,Aries..he didn't pay much attention to me at first, he didn't compliment me or shower me with much attention in the beginning but gave me just enough to keep me interested. I knew something was there, being a Gemini my curiosity got the best of me. It was strange at first he would seem a bit nervous and would unintentionally insult me..in the beginning he showed very little emotions but I could feel he wanted me around..he would seem sad when I had to leave.This went on for a few months. He said he couldn't get close to me until he could trust me. It's been 7 months since we met and slowly he let his guard down we love each others company. He now showers me with a lot of attention. I think in the beginning they are afraid of being wrong. I'm so glad I hung in there and listen to my instincts. I love him so much and he was worth the wait and testing phase.
Btw. My last relationship was with a Cancer.Big mistake... They are whinney , needy, dipshits...not a good match with Gemini.; May 2, 2014 at 6:36 PM
Anonymous said...: This thread is great! I'm liking the empowerment going one here...

What if your aries male gets hit on by other women? I don't want to appear jealous or territorial knowing that he's a free spirit. What should you do in cases like these?; May 5, 2014 at 2:06 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous May 5, 2:06 PM,
"What if your aries male gets hit on by other women? I don't want to appear jealous or territorial knowing that he's a free spirit. What should you do in cases like these?"

Well, with most men dear, I would not recommend this...but this is an Aries male we're speaking of here, a different breed, LOL. And with an Aries man, I wouldn't concern myself with the attention he receives from other women, nor would I make mention of it.

What I would do is...I'd keep HIM concerned about MY behavior with OTHER MEN, LOL ;-)

If he says things like this to rub your face in it (yes, they'll do that LOL), "This chick keeps texting me and I don't know why, I guess she wants me." My response would be, "Oh funny you mention that, I'm having the same exact problem with some dude I dated a year back."

Or if you're out with him and he's getting his flirt on, sucking up the attention (yea, they do that too LOL), I'd begin to work the room myself and I'd disappear from it with another guy. I wouldn't leave with the man, but I have stepped outside for a smoke break with them before just to see if the damn Aries I was dating way back when at the time would notice and come running...and he did, LOL. He left his "audience" mid-sentence and tore off seeking me out, thinking I went home with this guy, only to come outside in a huff, all red-faced looking at the parking lot...to have me say, "Are you looking for me" with a big smile on my face, leaning up against the building with my new buddy (Aries was so focused on the parking lot he didn't even see us there LOL).

I very nonchalantly introduced them and then said, "So what do you say, you ready to go? Done with your audience in there and ready to get down to business here?"

Needless to say, off we went, and he never even went back inside to say goodbye to his girly "audience."

Problem solved LOL ;-)

And as many would think this is playing games, I will say - it IS. But here's the thing, the difference when done with an Aries...they EAT THIS KINDA' STUFF UP. They may complain and whine and moan and get mad...but later they will admit that they secretly like it, they have a hot woman that others try to steal away, it keeps them on their toes, they enjoy the competition and most important to an Aries male... they'll boast about how they ALWAYS win.

It feeds right into that gigantic ego of theirs LOL ;-); May 5, 2014 at 5:40 PM
Caz said...: Hi MOA.

I wrote on the revenge to Aries topic last year.

I'm actually going through something somewhat similar to last year. Same Aries male. I'm now trying to avoid him and his new gf and focus on our kids. I don't care for the new gf. I'm cordial to him in person but his mom blocked me on FB and I think it's because of the new gf. I'm treading lightly. I was friends with Aries male through his ex-wife. My kids and his kids like each other. We have kids on same baseball team, same church, same church elder, same school, it's nuts. I did like him at first and we have things in common but I think I just shared my opinion too much. I'm a Sagittarius female with mercury in Sagittarius.

I just hope my putting distance between him and I is a better idea. I mirror his behavior more than anything.; May 22, 2014 at 12:07 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi MOA! Thank you so much for writing this article & responding to comments, I've found it to be a fascinating read.
I'm a Pisces-Aries cusp, and I met a lovely Aries man a few months back. The first date we went on was absolutely magical and I wound up sleeping with him because, I don't know, I got carried away. A mistake, of course, but what's done is done! He warned me, after, that he'd either be clingy or distant. Since then I've seen him around once a month or so -- I went on vacation right after that, then he's been traveling for work or fun, etc etc. He texts me every time he's going out of town but he never texts me otherwise. I have texted him twice to set dates, which in retrospect was a terrible idea.
Our last date got a little weird towards the end and I haven't talked to him in about two weeks. I walked away from our last date feeling bad about myself and I don't play that game.
He texted me a few days ago saying "sorry if I've been shitty toward you in any way" and I really... just don't know what to say to that. Like, IF? Homeslice, no. I don't know if I should say something in response or just keep ignoring him or what.
I definitely did not set good boundaries. I tried to be accommodating because I enjoy being helpful but apparently that just signals weakness or whatever. I usually date women, which I have always found to be much simpler, so this is a weird new experience for me. I like him a LOT but I don't know how salvageable this is and I am far too excellent to date someone who doesn't value me highly. I don't know if you have any input for me but even typing this out has helped clarify things for me.; May 28, 2014 at 5:29 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous May 28, 5:29PM,
If it were me, I wouldn't respond to that. I'd let my silence sit with him a while and I'd test him to see if he felt compelled to make things right. If he doesn't, I'd let it go. If he does make an attempt, you can then decide if you feel he's worth hearing out or not.

In the meantime, why not go find yourself a nice gal to take your mind off of him ;-); May 28, 2014 at 5:36 PM
Anonymous said...: Interesting writeup. I am a Capricorn woman who (unfortunately) has been drawn to Aries men a lot in my life. Like I didn't even know their signs and only found out later. I agree Aries men like the chase. However, I've yet to have an Aries man be chivalrous or generous. In fact, I've managed to find the Aries men who are cheap, cheap, cheap! I've had the head games played for sure. I didn't realize Aries men need the chase all the time. I thought that applied to most men -- the male species are hunters, the women the gatherers from a DNA perspective. Well, color me surprised! Aries men are toxic for me; I finally recognize this. Now I need to get over my latest crush--a much younger Aries man. When we met and got to talking I felt such a spark. I was hooked. Only later did I learn he's an Aries. He showed some early interest in me, making a point to chat me up for a long time at a company event. Then nothing. I thought I must have imagined the whole thing. But I don't think I did imagine it. There was a spark there for a mere moment in time and now for him... it's gone.; June 13, 2014 at 7:40 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi mirror,

About 9 months ago, I told you about the date with the Aries Painter who didn't even offer to get me a coffee or tea. It made me feel absolutely worthless like I wasn't even worth $2. I didn't expect to hear back from him after the date, since I cut the date short as I was a little upset over him not treating me.

Well, guess what? He's back! I received 2 new messages from him on the dating site. He wrote the first one so he wouldn't lose my profile, and the second one had a lot of thought put into it. He said he was going to Europe this week, but if I was free he'd be delighted to meet me before he left.

My jaw literally dropped! Men circling around over and over again does not surprise me anymore...but I WENT ON A DATE WITH THIS GUY. He wrote the 2 messages if he has never spoken to me before.

On his profile, he mentioned that he was looking for a serious relationship...and however people defined dating he didn't want that...he wanted a relationship full of joy, happiness, and inspiration.

Mirror do you think this guy really doesn't remember meeting me, or is this some kind of Aries game...? I hate to admit it, but him circling back really makes me feel emotional all over again.

- Vivian; June 16, 2014 at 6:55 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Vivian,
LOL, well...these days dear, it could be either or. He could be playing games, or he could be so very busy dating like a madman online - that he fails to remember those he's already connected with. Sounds ridiculous, but happens often.

The only way to tell is to see if he follows through - observe his actions, forget his words ;-); June 17, 2014 at 5:17 PM
araanza said...: Araanza
Hi Moa, first of all, you're great!! Here is.my long story short, im a leo woman dating this Aries men for almost 2 years, and im very disappointed about all these comments about these guys!! Sadly.but true, my relationship with my aries was like made in heaven ar the beginning!! But always full of arguments, mostly cause his flirtatious attitude!! And the way everything always his way!! And being honest I'm still trying to figure it out, what happened with my "sweet ram"!! Distant, cold and hot, and very very, selfish, and careless, and something that really broke my heart, they can be very, very CRUEL, when they get upset, they dong mind treating you as a piece of trash!! And our last argument, or big fight was because, he started ignoring me and flirting with no respect!!! Im a lioness!! I can easily flirt as well, but since I started my relationship with him im very respectful with him!! So that night he did it again!! There he goes ignoring me and started with his "games" like.he is always looking for reassurance that he is still attractive!! I always told him this!!! ," You're da*##m attractive, so masculine, so sexy, and soooo charming!! And was the honest truth!!! So I was very upset and faced him with these words! " Who the hell think you're to treat me this way!! To ignore me like I didnt exist!!! You're nothing!!! And I close my sentence eith a bad word!! Fk!! I never said bad words before!! He was looking at me.like in shock!!! And he just told me lets get out if here!!! "Im done with this"" and I answered!! " you damm right, were done!! Then I asked him to let me use his bathroom after that I tried to talk with him and he says, please go I font want to see you anymore or talk to you again!! And is been a week and I didn't hear from him!!! Im done with him, but.I feel so sad!! Im in love with this.men, but I know he is not calling back again!! But.as a leo, im not calling either!! Im so depressed but I know probably was the best for us!! I wish one day we can be friends again!!! But still I wish the best always to my sweet ram!!! I have to.move on now my Aries is going and my heart is so broken in 1000 pieces!!; June 19, 2014 at 1:48 AM
araanza said...: Araanza again!!
I'm thinking sometimes about sending a note saying"" I'm sorry!! I know we're over but I reacted so roughly, and I'm offering an apology for that""!! Nooo right?? Is putting" my self and my head right underneath the guillotine!!!"" Lol; June 19, 2014 at 1:56 AM
Anonymous said...: I'm a Taurus woman and I've been dating this Aries man for two months. I wasn't attracted to him at first, wasn't planning to give him a chance either. But he's so persistent, he won't stop pursuing me. As a woman, it kind of became intoxicating so I let him in. Game over. We spent 2 months as lovey-dovey couple. Sex was epic. We made plans for the future. Met his family and friends. He met mine. He made me feel like a natural woman. It was so going all too well, it was too good to be true. Then for seven days, he started to withdraw. Until one day I woke up, he's totally gone. No reason, no explanation, no trace whatsoever. I know he's not coming back. What he did was cruel and very inconsiderate. It hurts so bad.... but I had to let him go, just for self-preservation.... But I love him still.; June 19, 2014 at 2:40 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi MOA everything you say is so correct so glad for this information!
I've been dealing with an aries guy ( I'm a Virgo) we constantly clash and make up but I always have to initiate making up or initiate seeing each other.
I've made so many mistakes thats why I'm in the situation I am now. We argued almost 2 weeks ago and didnt speak for a week I stupidly tried to ring him drunk a week later he ignored my calls so now its another week later and I just wanna ring him and tell him what a p****k he is hahahaha Do I continue ignoring as we are both so stubborn it could be months? but I'm sick of being the one giving in all the time
Help me please I'm so close to contacting and dont want to embarass myself or let him win!
ps - When I ignored him before he did eventually contact me on ONE occasion lol
He's on my mind 24-7 I'm completely obsessed!!; June 19, 2014 at 4:06 PM
Anonymous said...: Looking for the fine line:

I am an Aries woman myself, so I understand being easily bored and enjoying a challenge. I've had an Aries man attracted to me for some time. Seems we can't avoid cat and mouse games. Where is that line with an Aries male who is enticed by the hunt and chase (and likes a woman he can't catch), but loses interest in a snap when the woman plays hard-to-get and keep-away for too long? It seems to me, any female who has caught the interest of an Aires male is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. Am I wrong? How can one remain a challenge to him and use the Law of Scarcity theory without the challenge and the scarcity becoming a source of boredom for him?

Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience.; June 26, 2014 at 1:43 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Jun 26, 1:43 AM,
"How can one remain a challenge to him and use the Law of Scarcity theory without the challenge and the scarcity becoming a source of boredom for him?"

Everyone draws and sets their own boundaries, so there's no real way to know because it depends on the individual themselves and what their personal boundaries are for what they will and won't tolerate and what they will and won't become bored of. I think in the end, it really all depends on the man's level of interest. A highly interested man comes back for more. A half interested one eventually bores and moves on.; June 26, 2014 at 3:37 PM
Anonymous said...: Skipped to the last page hoping you were still responding to this page and I'm so relieved that you are, I really hope you'll take the time to respond back as I really am so very confused and have no idea what direction to go in. I'm a Taurus woman and I've been dating an Aries man for almost two years now. I find that we argue a lot, he gets offended very easily and will often throw fits and yell to the point where I have been a little afraid during fights and find myself trying to tip toe around them. I've also tried being completely calm more recently during them and it just makes him even more upset with me and he'll just say hurtful things and play the victim. I also feel like he wants me to be fully interested in everything he says and does, but he doesn't do the same for me, and the fact that he is so overly sensitive about everything and gets upset do easily makes me feel like I can't talk to him/don't know how and I feel helpless. I know after hearing all this you must be like why do you stick around then, but it's because he acts like a child in all aspects, so he can be as loving and as sweet like a child but also as needy as a child and me being a nurturing Taurus I just want to take care of him, it just leaves me so torn. We're almost broken up already twice but each time he would just break down and cry and tell me how much he loved me (I do love him too) and how I'm the only girl for him and he wouldn't even want to date or be with anyone else if we broke up, even mentioning how he felt suicidal at the thought of breaking up. Like I mentioned I do love him, but I also love the security of being in a relationship with a guy who I know truly loves me and I also feels like he needs me, I can't imagine not checking up on him and making sure he's okay and carrying for him, but I also don't want to get stuck in a relationship where I feel unhappy half the time (or even threatened) because we're constantly arguing. Please help a fellow Taurus woman out! Thank you!; July 2, 2014 at 4:53 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Jul 2, 4:53 AM,
Okay well...I'm getting a bit of a co-dependency vibe here dear. Let me explain:

"as needy as a child and me being a nurturing Taurus I just want to take care of him...I also feels like he needs me...can't imagine not checking up on him and making sure he's okay and carrying for him"

I think possibly...you need to be needed. And as a result, you've drawn an emotionally needy man to yourself. And emotionally needy people are generally insecure individuals:

"he gets offended very easily... he'll just say hurtful things and play the victim...he is so overly sensitive...like a child...suicidal at the thought of breaking up"

Emotionally dear, he is very much a child. His physical age may be that of an adult, but emotionally it appears he's probably operating around the age of 17-25. He sounds as if he's got an EQ (emotional intelligence) of a late teen, early 20's fella.

So you need to be needed, and he's very childlike - see where I'm going here?

You're "depending" on him to need you, and he's "depending" on you to mother him. He'd never admit that (because he overcompensates for it by acting like a brutish man instead to disguise it), but that's the dynamic I believe could be playing out in your relationship. And it's created a situation of co-dependency that keeps both him and yourself attached to one another...possibly for all the wrong reasons :-(

So here's what I would do if I were you dear. I'd detach from that aspect. When he starts acting up like that, you don't feed into it. He does that because he knows you're going to swoop in and fulfill that need for him (give him the attention a child receives when they act up). Again, he doesn't realize this and would never admit it, but he DOES know your reaction to it (that he'll get more of your attention and you'll try harder as a result). So in a sense, he's manipulating you, much like a child manipulates a parent through bad behavior (to get their needs of attention fulfilled by the parent).

So what I would do is when that begins, don't respond, don't engage - remove yourself from the situation. Tell him that you're going to go and when he calms down, he can call you and you guys will talk then. But you will NOT engage him in battle, you will NOT communicate when he is being childlike and throwing angry temper tantrums.

Basically, you break the cycle. By refusing to participate in it as you normally would, and by refusing to fulfill those childlike needs he has for attention in that manner...you break the cycle. And this sends a signal to him that - if he wants that attention from you - he has to behave properly to receive it...because you only reward positive behavior (with your attention), not negative behavior.

Picture it like this dear. If you have a dog and it pees on the floor...do you give it a treat? Do you reinforce that bad behavior by rewarding it? No. Instead, you place the dog outside, away from you. That's how the dog learns to behave properly.

If you continue to reward bad behavior by showering him with more attention and more of your time when he behaves like that, he'll continue to do that - he'll continue to resort to that negative behavior to receive attention and feel in control. Simply removing yourself from those situations and refusing to participate in them breaks that cycle and signals to him that only positive behavior receives your attention.

Cont...; July 2, 2014 at 9:17 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: And once you get into the habit of doing that dear...you will find yourself relieved. You will be relieved of the "savior" role. You won't have to tip toe, you won't have to "fix" anything, you won't have to deal with his tantrums, you won't have to jump through hoops to make him happy once again...because you are now leaving HIM with his own "stuff" during those situations. You are now leaving him alone with it to work it out for himself. You are no longer jumping in to save the day or make things right again just to see him smile once more. And he'll have to learn to behave positively to receive attention. And he'll also learn that controlling others through anger is not the path to having your needs for attention fulfilled. There will be no more "feeding" off of each other's energy in a negative, co-dependent type manner - because you're breaking the cycle.

That may all sound foreign to you and you first reaction may be like, "Huh?" But just take a few days to think about it, process it a bit, reflect back on situations in your relationship...and I think you'll come to understand that basically, in essence, what it appears he's doing here is...controlling you through emotional manipulation (his anger making you feel guilty, making you try harder on his behalf). Again, much like children will attempt to do with their parents.

Children figure out that anger and temper tantrums make their parents jump and fulfill their needs at that very moment, simply so they'll stop acting up. And once a child figures that out (particularly with their mother), they begin to use it as a tactic for attention. Mom isn't paying attention to me? Okay, so I'll throw a fit and receive her undivided attention then. Mom isn't buying me this toy I want? Okay I'll throw a tantrum and she will do what I want. Bottom line...mom isn't doing what I want...so I'll throw a tantrum to force her to fulfill my needs. It boils down to control through emotional manipulation.

I think that detaching from that negative pattern will help you both break that cycle and improve your relationship :-); July 2, 2014 at 9:18 AM
Anonymous said...: MOA, you have given wonderful insights and analysis of an Aries male (and the dating game today). I wonder if you can tell me how I should conduct myself around an Aries man I’ve fallen for. I’m a first-week December Sagittarius and he is a first week of April Aries.

Just a bit of background about me which might give you some context: I’ve been in a 7-yr old relationship (High school crush going onto college) with a Virgo Man who was awesome until the time came to get married. The relationship got incredibly emotionally abusive (he wanted to practically own me and control every decision of mine). Part of it was my fault - when in love, I give give give and eventually he took me for granted. It ended, I moved on to a Pisces guy who just could not make up his mind. We shared great chemistry and were pulled to each other like anything. All our friends saw it but he never verbalised his feelings. I am big on the traditional boy-must-fessup-to-the-girl thing, so I kept giving him encouragement and space (he said he wasn’t ready to settle down without his MBA and job, and I kept supporting him and not asking for a commitment). At this point, let me add that I live in a socially conservative country where the norm is no sex before marriage and dating must lead to marriage. It seemed like we’d get there - except that I left for UK for graduate studies a yr later and a week later, when we skyped, he told me he’s ‘consented to dating’ this other girl who had been stalking him for a few months (and he’d be super irritated by her until then). I was so shattered, I couldn’t trust a man or my judgement of men for the next 4 yrs. Pisces dude however, maintains that he doesn’t love this girl, and unlike me whose relationship with him was the talk of all our friends, no one knows about this girl yet (its been 5 yrs now). He continues to try to flirt with me (we have to meet due to mutual friends often) which gets me mad and I tell him off. Once, he told me that if I used to like him, why didn’t I tell him so? He would have thought about it and given it a go. This, after me having told him a million times I believe the man has to tell the woman he loves her. Anyway, the point is - with the first guy I was taken for granted even after 7 yrs! With Pisces man, although he is with his girl who aggressively pursued him (and yes, he doesn’t seem to value her too much although he’s with her), he made me feel like I missed the boat by being passive and not aggressive. My emotions got hit so bad, I built a wall around me for the next few yrs although I met nice guys and made more guy friends in this time. I just used to friend zone all guys. Period.

cont...

Sag Girl; July 2, 2014 at 3:39 PM
Anonymous said...: ...cont
Last year, at a conference in another country, I met this Aries guy (we are both academics) who was from my city. We hung out together - shopped for family back home together and hit off as friends. By all accounts of him by people in our professional circle, he was a black sheep. Loud, full of himself, braggart, doesn’t let others speak, lies and fabricates the truth. When we spoke, he had a bad word for everyone. He criticised everyone we knew and while his criticisms were spot on - I didn’t like that he was so vocal and public about them and would share them with anyone and everyone (we’d met for 10 mins and he’d lambasted 4 professors and their work!). Yet he was friendly and chatty and sweet in other ways. I felt a sense of vulnerability about him - like he needed validation and was insecure which is why he was being so loud and seeking attention. He made a sexual innuendo the same evening we had met and I shot it down breezily saying thats inappropriate. He apologised and didn’t go in that territory again.

When I returned, I was curious about him. I liked him because he came across as someone outspoken, honest and courageous. I love that about him. He was (very) rough around the edges, but what the hell? Im not perfect either. We met at another conference, after which we were having tea and one of his female bosses (a much older lady) made a nasty personal comment on his sense of style. He ldidn’t comment or reply. But it really hit a nerve in me. I don’t know why, I felt so protective about him, I tried to undo the damage in some small way. Later, I asked him why he has so many enemies and he shared some stories of how his brash, blunt attitude gets him in trouble. He is constantly involved in some controversy or the other. I’m sure part of it is his aggression too - he wants a battle and wants to win it. Now, I used to be like this as a teen - I’d be big on honesty and integrity and would be outspoken and blunt - and I was punished many times by authority figures because of this. But yeah, we are hitting 30s now - not teenagers anymore.

..cont..
Sag Girl; July 2, 2014 at 3:39 PM
Anonymous said...: cont...

Over the next few months, we met on and off at different events. He is extremely intelligent and we have great conversations. We don’t want to end the conversations and say bye! He is like a little lost boy sometimes, cooking trouble for himself and stumbling over and over. But he picks himself right up and shrugs off the failure and moves on. I admire that so much about him. Initially, he kept badmouthing people like his usual self and after a while, I gently asked why he has a bad opinion of everyone? He said coz they are stupid! I said well they may be, but it reflects very badly on you that you do this so publicly. People won’t like you for it. I don’t know if its my advice he’s taken, but he’s stopped doing that in front of me and toned down somewhat in front of other people. At another event, we were walking to the conference hall and he let me walk ahead, open the door and I moved aside to let him enter first, which he did, like a Lord. It just hit me that thats not how it should be so I said ‘that was a test to see if you’re a gentleman’. he said ‘Oh i believe in equality between men and women. Don’t you feminists want that?’ I said ‘who says I’m a feminist?” and he went quiet then. After that, whenever a similar situation arises, he always opens the door and holds it open for me. And if we are leaving for home from some place - he insists on walking me to my car. At every such occasion, I told him I notice his chivalry and give him points for it. He just smiles shyly but I can see he’s happy at being appreciated.

Once, he was going to India for a conference and I asked him to get a special kind of shawl for me if he could manage to (for which I’d pay him). He is a scatter brain though - by all accounts he forgets things, forgets to call and return calls and texts of people. He once forgot to wake up in time for a job interview at a prestigious university. He told me himself that he’s forgetful and if he remembers he’ll bring it. All my friends said he’d forget. We weren’t such good friends then and he owed me nothing. Yet he remembered and did bring it. We met for coffee when he gave me the shawl and he didn’t let me pay for it. He said its a gift! This is when we were barely friends really. We began texting more frequently. He’d ask me if he’ll get to see me at dinners of certain mutual friends. He never asked me out - I mentioned once that we should have lunch sometime to which he said ‘sure’. but no reply thereafter. He does the disappear/reappear thing on texts - but we’re not officially dating. In fact, without my asking him, he once told me he has trouble with relationships because he forgets to text back or call back and girls like bonding over texts which he doesn’t keep up with. He also said he wants an expressive girl who can tell him straight out where he’s going wrong or where he needs to step up because he likes that kind of honesty and doesn’t want to keep guessing. He travels A LOT for work and is supremely busy with several projects so I was like yeah, it can be tedious to have a clingy partner. I am like that myself - i don’t like being suffocated. I can’t stand emotional drama and extreme possessiveness (aka Cancer and Virgo types). So this was music to my ears. Plus, I am very expressive myself sometimes blunt to the point of being impolite. He’s been at the receiving end sometimes but has taken them gallantly . I apologised later and he was very sweet about it and said he doesn’t get offended so easily so I needn’t worry. He said he likes brutal honesty and would like me to say it as I see it.

cont...
Sag Girl; July 2, 2014 at 3:40 PM
Anonymous said...: cont...
A few months ago, we sat together at yet another conference and he’d lean in to talk to me and would keep touching my arm to try to get my attention if I was looking away (which was unneeded since he could say my name and I’d hear him). We were sitting so close on the sofa, I was practically in his lap, I had to shift my weight away twice to keep a decent distance from him. At one point I asked him to stop pawing me and he just gave a naughty grin and had the little boy look all over his face. Like I said earlier, no hooking up was going to happen because its culturally inappropriate and he knew it. So I don’t know how to read the touchy-feeliness there. I could sense we were both being drawn to each other. Like he’d text me or call me before coming to an event but when we’d both be there, he’d ignore my presence for the first half hr. Once, I was miffed at this (i think playing games is stupid) and I ignored him right back and went to talk to another guy friend of mine and within minutes he came sailing over to talk to us and tried to make the other guy look stupid by being sarcastic with him. I was bemused but sided with my friend after which I could see he got even more hyper - seeking my attention.

The problem is the communication pattern - he blows hot and cold. When we meet, its like he was never gone. Its fireworks and conversation flows like a river. He came over to my place for work related matters and he just wouldn’t go. He wouldn’t end the conversation and would keep bringing something or the other up. But on texting, he sometimes takes hrs sometimes days to reply. Oh, after the shawl-gifting-coffee thing, his bday was in a weeks time and he was going to be out of town so I msged him happy birthday. He came online (whatsapp) to see it and went off without replying to me. He never replied to my birthday wish even with a thanks! I didn’t like that. Next time we were at a dinner, I asked if he could drop me home and he said sure.. this was a time we were texting each other frequently… and after dropping me off (super platonic conversation in the car), he seemed to pull back communication. He was going through a tough time at work with his boss on his tail and so he asked me what he should do. I said this needs a phone call and he said he’d call when he gets free and never did. 3 days passed. I got so mad I was beside myself with fury because this is rude and disrespectful. 3 days later he texted me that he wanted me to work with him on a project. I didn’t reply. A few hrs later he whatsapped me the same msg I didn’t reply. At night he msged me again, by which time I was dying to talk to him too, so I replied and he said sorry I just came out of my miserable mood coz of work. I had switched off my phone for 3 days and just switched it on. We talked about work (I rang him up after he said when can we chat) and I said lemme think about it because Im busy with my own work too. He took another 2 weeks to email me the project details. By that time I was busy with deadlines at work. So I took my sweet time and finally a week later I said lets meet to discuss the thing. Anyway, we met and it was amazing chemistry all over again. We’re now working together and I email/call him when I need clarification on something or when I want to run by stuff with him. He is the consummate unprofessional at work. Polar opposite of my work ethic. He is like an undisciplined genius. Super creative and smart but a scatter brain. Then he told me hesitantly once that he loves the way I work - he’s super impressed with me. We had another 2 hr session over work and tea at my place and I noticed he has picked up some manners from somewhere - as i was pouring tea for both of us from the side board, he came over to stand by me and keep me company. The second cup he made himself, wouldn’t let me get up (although in our culture, the hostess does these things). So the rough edges he had which I saw months ago are going away. I love him all the more for it.

cont...
Sag Girl; July 2, 2014 at 3:42 PM
Anonymous said...: cont...

Everything seemed to be going slowly but smoothly but then I think I messed up. He had told me that he had a ‘secret admirer’ (a student apparently) emailing him and wanting to meet him but not at his office etc. He said oh well at least someone admires me. He wasn’t going to reply to the girl in question. A few days later I had to ask him something about work and I thought to tease him about the girl. I texted him late night asking him if he’s up coz I want to talk about something imp. He said yeah? And while i was phrasing my next text, he called me. I was caught off guard and didn’t pick up. I then texted him using the same lines as his ‘secret admirer’ haltingly e.g. I am working up courage to say this. He said’ go on..’ I said I don’t know what you’ll think of me when I do. ‘ He said ‘just say it..like in the movies’. Never had he texted me so instantly before as he was doing that night. Anyhow, I teased him for 15 mins and then said.. I wanted to ask you about this book/paper. He said haha :) . I called him then, he picked up immediately. I was laughing and said hey! did you get what I was doing? He said 'I almost feared you’re backing out of the project !' I said 'no - I was using your secret admirers lines on you to tease you. Didn’t you pick up on that?' He said: ‘oh yeah that! no no I thought you were going to stop working with me. I know you’re not the kind to do that (reg the teasing)” Whatever does that mean? Im not the kind? I can’t tease and provoke? Anyhow, after that he’s really pulled back. We haven’t met after that, its been 3 weeks, although there was a point he could come over but he chose to drop the books i needed when I wasn’t home. And has stuck to only talking about work and ignores any non-work related texts. I call once every week for the past 3 weeks to get updates on work since the project is paused at the moment. He is super chatty on the phone and is friendly as always. I make sure the conversation doesnt veer away from work. I don’t want to look desperate if he isn’t into me. Plus he’s busy with other work. I don’t know how to read the sudden pulling back.

cont...
Sag Girl; July 2, 2014 at 3:44 PM
Anonymous said...: cont...

Now, the problems are these: a) conservative dating environment where you don’t do casual sex. If we date, it won’t lead to intimacy unless we’re married. b) He’s a practicing Catholic and Im Muslim, c) religion matters a big deal in our society and d) he’s supremely busy building his career as am I and maybe is not looking for a long term relationship. He hasn’t said as much - but he keeps saying that he sees (and counsels) his friends on crazy relationship issues and he’s glad he’s not bogged down by a crazy relationship. So he’s single and maybe not looking? But if thats the case, why does he talk about his relationships, asks about mine, asks my views on his friends’ relationship problems? He’s slowly begun to share his personal life’s stories with me. He talks about his family more than before - and (maybe Im over reading it) but on the last few occasions we met he brings up some biblical story or something linked with Christianity as if to broach the subject of religion between us. As if to remind me that he isn’t Muslim, he is very Christian (we’re both in the liberal circles of the academia which doesn’t look favourably upon religiosity). So that strikes me as odd - is it that he’s gauging my reaction to his faith (Christians are a persecuted minority in our country sadly). I have always been open to his stories and his religion-based discussions. We briefly exchanged relationship history (no details, just sketches). He keeps saying he tends to not put a lot of thought into any of his relationships (friendships or otherwise) somehow and regrets it later on and thinks ke oh if I had said this or done this differently, it would have worked out. Which is why he wants an expressive girl who can keep telling me how the relationship is going. I dont know if its just conversation or hes giving me a heads up on what it might be like with him - hes absolving himself of much responsibility.
So yeah, hes pulled back. We haven’t spoken in a week now and I feel I shouldn’t call or text to even ask about project updates. He will contact me when he wants to or needs to. But I miss him terribly and have been obsessing about him and his feelings or what he’s thinking. I feel like I can trust him with myself even though he’s childish and immature and irresponsible. It hurts when he ignores me and keeps his distance but then does that at some level also mean he has unresolved feelings for me too? If we were just friends and work buddies, it wouldn’t be awkward or he wouldn’t pull back - a friend is a friend.

What do you think of it MOA? How should I respond to him now ? I really like him and want this to go to the next level. Im so sorry to be so annoyingly long and detailed in my post :S

Sag Girl; July 2, 2014 at 3:46 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Sag Girl,
"I feel like I can trust him with myself even though he’s childish and immature and irresponsible."

Why would you trust someone who has shown you they're childish, immature and irresponsible. If someone is irresponsible, they cannot be trusted to be responsible with someone else's feelings. If they're immature, they cannot be trusted to act maturely. If they childish, they cannot be trusted to act like an adult.

Childishness, irresponsibility and immaturity are NOT signs of someone who is to be trusted. They will treat you and your emotions irresponsibly, childishly and immaturely.

"It hurts when he ignores me and keeps his distance but then does that at some level also mean he has unresolved feelings for me too?"

No, most likely it means he's being true to himself - childish, irresponsible and immature.

"What do you think of it MOA?"

I think if he wants you, he knows where to find you - and if he's genuinely interested, that's what he'll do. I would not chase him, I would not initiate contact - I would keep moving forward with my own life and let him catch up to me if that's what he choose to do. And if he doesn't, then I would accept that he isn't genuinely interested and I would move on.; July 7, 2014 at 6:06 PM
Anonymous said...: Thanks MOA :) you are so clear headed and give such practical advice! I needed to hear this since I was letting my infatuation color my thoughts - overthinking every little detail. I should mirror his behaviour then, keep it professional and friendly. If he wants to be more than this, he will make an effort. Hopefully. Till then, no more wasting time and energy.

Sag Girl; July 8, 2014 at 2:09 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi MOA, my name is CJ. I found your site about a week or so ago and was completely floored by how spot on you were in describing the Aries male I just met. I am here now seeking any insight you can provide. I am an Aries female, Venus in Aries and he is an Aries male Venus in Pisces.

I met this Aries man a little over a month ago. He was the tow truck driver coming to my “rescue” to help me with my flat tire. He was very professional and helpful. This is not typical of me, but right away I was looking at his hand for a ring, briefly considering dating him, but at the same time not giving to much thought to it. Men don’t typically flirt with me and if they do, I am completely oblivious to it. I didn’t realize he might be interested in me until he gave me his card with his personal cell number and told me to call him if I had any trouble with my tire. I was mystified wondering what just happened. Did he want me to call him? I pondered this the next several hours. I finally sent him a message 4 hrs after I left him thanking him for his help and that I got my tired fixed, etc. He responded to me 4 hrs after that telling me he was glad that I contacted him and the wanted to contact me, but wasn’t sure I would be ok with that. He also asked if he could call me later. It was pretty late at this point, so he said he would try to call me the next day. I didn’t hear from him until 2 days later. Then I didn’t hear from him again until 9 days after that. I attempted to contact him during that time, but received no reply. I had decided to give up on him when he contacted me. He apologized for leaving me hanging and said he was busy juggling moving, preparing his new place and working. We then kept in contact the next 4 consecutive days. He wanted to meet up right away, and he said he had to run an errand and would call me when he got back. He never did. I called him the following evening and he immediately apologized for not calling me and that he got caught in working on his kitchen. We talked about me going by his place or him coming by mine – I think I just wanted to see him again so badly to determine if there was really a connection, that I agreed. Each time he suggested meeting, he would find a reason to cancel. He offered to make me dinner the following night and then changed it to going out to dinner. He said he would contact me the next day around noon and he did. He basically said he didn’t get a lot of sleep and it was busy at work and he would call me later. I knew in my gut that he was going to cancel again. He did. He sent me a message several hours later, apologizing and saying there was no way he could make it. That he was going to bed and he “guesses” he has too much going on right now and that in a week or so he would have more free time. That was almost 3 weeks ago. I let him be for 2 full weeks and when I didn’t hear from him, I sent him a message this past Monday to just say hi and that I wanted to ask him a “handyman” question (he mentioned the day we met that he was also a handy man). As expected, no reply. I get that he probably moved on, forgot about me, or isn’t interested. What confuses me is why he would suggest (more than once) to meet up and then cancel each time. Some additional details about him, he is separated from his wife, currently going through a divorce and this is the first time he has lived on his own in a while. Any insight into this behavior would be appreciated.; July 11, 2014 at 1:09 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @CJ,
"We talked about me going by his place or him coming by mine...I agreed."

Don't do this dear - for several reasons:

1) This guy is a complete stranger. NEVER put yourself willingly into a compromising position with a complete stranger on the first date. You could get beat up, raped, robbed. Never place yourself into a non-public situation on the first date with a stranger - ever.
2) Another reason to not accept a first date like that is - it's not a formal date - it's a "hookup" invitation. If you settle for that, that's all he'll ever consider you to be to him from that day forward. Instead, suggest a formal first date in a public setting, like dinner, a show or event, lunch, etc.

"Each time he suggested meeting, he would find a reason to cancel...why he would suggest (more than once) to meet up and then cancel each time"

I'm not saying this is the reason but, this guy may already have other women in his life - again, he's a complete stranger and for all you know, he left his wife for another woman who is already hanging at his place regularly (and he fears she may show up unannounced and find you there). Just sayin' - you never know, ya' know?

In the future dear, gauge a man's level of interest by letting HIM come to YOU. Don't pursue - men consider this pursuit, "I finally sent him a message 4 hrs after... I attempted to contact him...I called him the following evening... I sent him a message"

Because you see, this man never once initiated contact with you, he only ever responded to your contact. If you read this site, you'll see me many times over explaining that when women do this...the men eventually pull back and/or disappear. Why? Because deep down inside, they like to be in the lead. That's the masculine role (leader). When a woman steps into the masculine role (leads), the man is forced to take the feminine role (submit). They don't like that, many times they don't even know why or realize what's happening, but instinctively, they'll pull away from that because it doesn't feel right to them. And many times, they view that from a woman as desperation. I realize that many women who do that are actually not desperate and only simply attempting to signal their interest. But as a woman, you need to understand that MEN view that behavior from women as desperation and they WILL label you as such, even if they're incorrect. And Aries men in particular do not like to be chased - THEY like to chase. Many of them love a good challenge, it gets their blood running.

Next time this happens, "he gave me his card with his personal cell number and told me to call him if I had any trouble with my tire. I was mystified wondering what just happened. Did he want me to call him?" or next time you meet a man you want to signal interest to....ALL you have to do (and it ain't much)....is give him YOUR number, and invite him to contact you. Your response could've been, "Okay cool. If I have tire problems, now I know who to call. And if you ever wanna' just shoot the breeze, here's my number."

Cont...; July 12, 2014 at 11:16 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: And then walk away, don't pick up the phone and ring him - and see if he rings you. If he does, he's interested - let HIM pursue YOU, and if he asks for a date, make sure it's a formal first date in a public setting - do NOT accept "hookup" invitations or what I call sofa dates from men:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2014/04/new-dating-trend-sofa-date-hookup.html

If you do, they may use you as a "hookup" option from that day forward and never really date you, only sleep with you. If you want a relationship and don't want to casually date or simply "hookup" for sex, make sure the relationship, from day one, starts as a courtship (not a hookup or a sofa date):

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2013/02/courtship-dating-benefits.html

And if he never calls, then you don't give it a second thought, you haven't lost a thing, and you simply keep moving forward with your life :-); July 12, 2014 at 11:16 AM
Anonymous said...: Thank you for your keen and uncanny insight into the Aries sign! I am a Gemini woman who has and currently is dating an Aries man. The first Aries man I dropped very quickly, as the mind games, vanity, and scene making, were becoming a chore. However, this current Aries man seems to have a hold on me. We have amazing chemistry, and interest in similar things we want in life. We've only been dating two months and he's starting to become the disappearing reappearing man. The kicker is, he is moving to another state (7 hours away) at the end of the year. I went into it knowing this was going to happen, and we both agreed to see what happens and have fun together. Well now that feelings have been expressed by both parties, he's introduced me to his family and friends, and he has done most of the pursuing and planning, he has pulled back substantially, and is even ignoring me. Him showing that kind of interest led me to believe things we're going somewhere, but then all of a sudden he's thrown a wrench in it all. I have begun to do the same and mirror his behavior by ignoring him. At first I would attempt to make contact, but now it has been five days since I've ignored him. While this is incredibly difficult, I know it's really only going to help me determine things. Any insight on where to go from here?; July 27, 2014 at 2:43 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Jul 27, 2:43 AM,
"Him showing that kind of interest led me to believe things we're going somewhere"

While I can understand that, I guess my next thought would be - but where? Where would things ultimately go with someone who is moving a 7 hour distance away? At best it's extremely difficult and would require a huge commitment by both parties (with one possibly relocating), and at worst it's a waste of time, resources and energy. Either way - it's not easy, ya' know? It would require a lot more than just "feelings..expressed by both parties." It would require a definitive, permanent commitment - such as marriage or at the very least, engagement for one party to relocate and make all those sacrifices. I would not relocate and uproot my entire life, sacrifice my career and all I've built - based solely on words alone, ya' know?

"he has pulled back substantially, and is even ignoring me"

Then that tells me that he realizes all I've said above dear - and he's probably not ready, or possibly even willing, to make that type of commitment :-(

"I have begun to do the same and mirror his behavior by ignoring him...While this is incredibly difficult, I know it's really only going to help me determine things. Any insight on where to go from here?"

It will help you to determine and clarify where you stand with him - so that you can make an educated decision for yourself about him. And that's the best you can do dear. You cannot control others. You can't force them to want to be with you or love you or want a relationship or commitment unfortunately. The best you can do is what you've been doing.

And in light of his recent behavior, I'd start to mentally prepare with having to let him go. Don't sit around waiting for him to "pick" you:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2014/02/dating-feeling-helpless-what-to-do.html

Keep moving forward with your own life, and begin dating other men (casually, no sex). Because someone who is deliberately ignoring you is NOT signaling a future with them to you, ya' know? :-( So prepare yourself and begin the process of slowly moving on. If he wants you, he knows where to find you. And if it ends up that that never happens, then you haven't wasted a moment of your time on something that will lead nowhere in the end anyway, ya' know?; July 28, 2014 at 4:25 PM
Diamond said...: Hey, I just recently had a fight with the aries man that I'm dating. We've been dating for a year now. He's a good guy, but we have a big problem. The problem is that he lies to me. The lies has been about another woman. I know we're not in a relationship but I can't be with a man that is going to lie to me. I've been accusing him of talking to her for a whole year. Not only has he talked to her, he's has sex with her, but he will never admit it. He told me that he has never talked to her. So, recently I told him that I'm done with the drama and told him if he doesn't want to contact me anymore after what I just said, then cool. He told me not to contact him. I said ok, but something else happened( I didn't say that I accused him of going to her about me), there was drama between me and her so i went to him and he got mad and said think what I want to. I didn't reply back. I just left it like that. Can I say that I will never here from him again?; August 12, 2014 at 4:56 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Diamond,
"Can I say that I will never here from him again?"

I certainly hope you do NOT ever hear from him again. I'd be seriously ticked if I wasted an entire year of my life and my youth on a man that led things absolutely nowhere but to drama with another woman for us. I'd be even more ticked about his attitude regarding it as well.

Being part of a threesome love triangle NEVER ends well - so don't be a part of it. Remove yourself from him, her and the situation entirely. Let her have him, he's a cheat anyway. Sounds like a man that won't commit, so let her have him and find that out for herself. If he cheated WITH her, he'll cheat ON her. And even though you say you weren't in a relationship with him, seriously....seeing a man for an entire year and it NOT leading to a relationship - is a clear sign it's time to move on anyway. And even though he may have not technically been cheating, he's clearly got commitment issues - and that's NOT the kind of man that makes for a good boyfriend, lover or husband - so let him go and be happy that he and all his drama is gone too. He was never going to lead this to anything real or permanent anyway, so don't permit him to waste another entire year of your life. Move on, find a man that appreciates you and treats you well - and be happy dear :-); August 14, 2014 at 8:58 AM
Anonymous said...: Help!
I'm a Libra woman in a relationship with an Aries man for about 6 weeks. I've always had an interest in Zodiac signs but never dated an Aries man & didn't do any reading on the Aries man....which I wish now I would have. Especially since we Libra women fall hard & fall fast & that's not a good thing with an Aries man.
I tried having a conversation with him about emotions and such & he got very defensive & clammed up. We spent some time apart & the following week I found out he was active on the dating site we met on. I asked him about it & he said he was checking his messages, that he's never cheated or lied & that I needed to trust him. That he has his life & I have mine & I said I do trust him but we're a couple & when you're in a committed relationship you don't stay on a dating site because women will think you're available. He said he'd think about it & left. I tried to get him to stay but I was unsuccessful. I was upset & frustrated that he took off & rarely wants to talk things out. I texted him asking him to come back & return something of mine he had in his vehicle & I'd give him his things left at my house. I ended up driving to his house to make the exchange & he wouldn't even look at me. (or talk to me). I told him I enjoyed the time we spent together.
I miss him so much....I miss us.
After 3 days of no contact (I was giving him space I thought he wanted) I texted him asking if we could make a brand new start, like hitting the reset button. Go out as friends. I got no response. I waited another 3 days & texted him again telling him I thought he had enough respect for me to at least respond. Still no response.

Will he come back to me?; August 22, 2014 at 11:16 PM
Anonymous said...: Hello Mirror of Aphrodite,
Let me start first by saying, I am also a Taurus woman who was involved with a Aries man. I could write my extremely long story of my situation, by I'm going to leave you with my boiling question, Are Aries man known for cheating? If so, why do you think that is?; August 25, 2014 at 3:47 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Aug 25, 3:47 PM,
"Are Aries man known for cheating?"

Actually, it's Libra that raises an eye with astrologers. In Sextrology, I believe Libra is known as "The Player" and when astrologers see an abundance of Libra placements in someone's natal chart, for many, it's indicative of infidelity in relationships.

We're all capable of cheating frankly. However, fire signs are exactly that - full of fire. They're intense, passionate and Aries in particular...can't sit still and enjoys a challenge.

"If so, why do you think that is?"

A love of competition and of "conquering" (a challenge).; August 25, 2014 at 4:36 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi mirror of Aphrodite,

I'm also a Taurus woman with a Capricorn man. We broke up beginning of July. This is the situation:
We have a 1 yr old daughter who we love dearly. He completely disappeared emotionally since the beginning of the year but i guess he still wanted to have me around for some reason, I stopped sleeping with him in April because I had the suspicion he was with someone else,and I finally told him it was over in July. He didn't react verbally but started acting weird. Jealous and making little remarks like I was seeing someone else. I noticed that if i tried to contact him though he would act somewhat annoyed so I decided to do the no contact on him. Today is day 17!!!!
Was not easy but I'm feeling stronger. Thing is I'm really avoiding him, I told his mother that I will bring our daughter to her house if he wants to see her ( That way he can't use it as an excuse to show up at the house)....Funny thing happened yesterday: I was driving home from work and I was in traffic...when I looked up he was driving up in the opposing lane...so I pretended I didn't see him, when he drove passed me ..it was as if he wanted me to look at him ..i didn't so he said something like "how is the baby???" I pretended I didn't hear him...so then he called my name...and I looked back and then turned around without saying a word to him as if I didn't see anyone important. ( Mind you it's been 17 days and he hasn't called) I know it killed him yesterday that I didn't acknowledge him...My question is : How long should I do the no contact on him????; August 26, 2014 at 5:09 PM
Dimariem312 said...: I am a single Pisces female dating a single Aries man for over a year now. I am 46 and he is 47. I actually met this man a couple years before we started dating. Every couple of months I would visit family at a local pub for drinks. He was usually there alone or with a couple of his guy friends. I was in a relationship, so although we would occasionally chat there was never any flirting or in-depth personal conversations. However, I would catch him eying me when he thought I wasn't watching. I am attractive and confident and found it amusing. I wasn't necessarily attracted to him. Although handsome and charming, he also seemed kind of argumentative and opinionated at times. To be honest, I sort of ignored him when I visited. Little did I know who and what I was dealing with and what this would lead to!!! Once I became single, he immediately started to pursue. He took me out on dates and was a perfect gentleman. We have common interests galore. He chases and chases and I give just enough to keep the pursuit up. This went on for a few months and we now spend all the time we can together. We hit a rocky patch 4 to 5 months ago when he started to show his controlling behavior. I like an occasional night out with my girlfriends and he started with the Aries antics. Like a two year old he would have these outbursts about where I was and who I was with. I put a stop to that behavior immediately. I am the epitome of Pisces and will let him have his way with just about anything. I am loyal, caring, and supportive in all ways but I will not let a man tell me where I can go or who I can have as friends. I treated his outbursts with dignity and calm and basically told him that we are not teenagers in high school. I would calmly tell him that I love him and have never been dishonest with him and his behavior is completely unfounded. Luckily, he is mature enough to see the wisdom in this and has tried really hard to curb his tendencies. It's almost comical (and I would NEVER laugh at him) to watch him try to curb his possessiveness. Here's the kicker…he is a bachelor, never been married, no kids. We love each other and we don't have any trust issues. Here's the problem...he has definitely had commitment issues in his past relationships and has been very open about it. He has told me that he does not want to get married, ever. He says he is too old for that. I sense that he feels that boat has passed. I have somewhat backed myself into a corner. Early in the relationship I agreed that I was not interested in marriage either. I think I wanted to come across as very independent (which I am) and I didn't want to scare him off. The problem is that after being with him, falling in love and not being able to imagine a life without him in it, I've changed my mind. I believe in the institution of marriage. Although, I am not ready right now I could see us married and living happily together. We've gotten around the bumps and are very happy. He lets me know in all ways that he loves me very much. He is in the process of buying a house. He's included me in the process of selection and asked me to move in with him. He speaks in terms of “Us and our life” in all conversations. I have met his family and friends and they speak highly of him. He glows when we are together. His friends tell me he speaks very highly of me and they are thrilled that he has found someone. But, if I tell him now that I will eventually want to get married it will freak him out. I'm not naive enough to think that he will change his mind and I would never force him into an ultimatum. The thought of bringing it up makes me feel sick to my stomach. I have wrestled with this for a month or so and his interest in nesting and house buying is becoming a reality. I have read through many of your posts and your advice is very sound. Please tell me your thoughts on this Pisces-Aries relationship. What are the possible or likely outcomes of bringing up marriage to this Aries bachelor?; August 26, 2014 at 11:36 PM
Dimariem312 said...: Hi again,
This is Dimariem312. I forgot to add one thing...Twice in the last few months he has pulled out some old jewelry that look like wedding bands and tried them on my ring finger. One was even his Grandmothers!! I am so confused! Why would a man that says he will never marry, do that?? He's not a player and he was very awkward about it. He reminded me of a gradeschooler doing show and tell!!; August 27, 2014 at 1:33 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Aug 26, 5:09 PM,
"How long should I do the no contact on him?"

That's a personal decision dear. But I generally suggest not contacting at all, and not responding at all, until they've attempted to contact you a few times first with an apology or an invitation to "talk" which signals they're ready to get serious about what is taking place.; August 27, 2014 at 10:18 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Dimariem312,
"Please tell me your thoughts on this Pisces-Aries relationship. What are the possible or likely outcomes of bringing up marriage to this Aries bachelor?"

Well, we could speculate till the cows come home dear, so there's really no point in doing all of that. And unfortunately, this may be one of those situations where...you may need to seriously think about whether or not this relationship can make you happy in the long run...versus thinking about whether or not it'll work out simply by a roll of the dice, ya' know?

If you sit around waiting on a man, he's never compelled to take action. He doesn't have to, because he already has what he wants, when he wants it. It's only when something is "lost" that anyone is really compelled to take action. So keep that in mind. Walking away may (or may not) compel him to take action, however, it's a risk and you need to be able to live with whatever outcome may be.

But regardless of what that outcome is, in the end - you'll have a definitive answer as to whether or not there's a future with this man that will actually make you happy in the long run :-); August 27, 2014 at 10:21 AM
Anonymous said...: Thanks for your response mirror....Do you think I reacted correctly by looking back and acting as if i saw no one important and not answering him when he drove pass my car???....What if he tries to show up at my house to see his daughter? How should I act or how should I treat him? I really need him to understand I mean business but don't want to have an argument. I need him to fell he has lost me, i know he thinks he has me because we have a daughter and feels I'm not going anywhere. For now I'm feeling good, I know he noticed a change since no contact for 18 days today. No interest shown by me atleast. Please let me know your thought mirror...I think you are great btw.; August 27, 2014 at 1:01 PM
Diamond said...: Well, I haven't heard from him, but it's drama still going on with this female. She's a gemini. I'm not sure if her and the aries guy are communicating, but I don't contact him. So, if I'm not contacting why is she still making it her business to continue with the drama? He denies her to everyone. Including his friends, but she goes to her friend and tells him that he contacts her. The friend use to tell me. Then I would go to the aries guy. Then the aries guy goes to her. This is what keeps the drama going. I don't know what her problem is. If she has him, then why is she worried about me. I will confess that the aries guy didn't know she was telling her friend anything until I approached him with it. She goes to her friends and tells them things about me. I don't understand this. I took myself out of it, but she keeps doing little things that cause me to run to him. What's her problem? I don't even deal with the aries guy anymore.; August 27, 2014 at 2:19 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Aug 27, 1:01 PM,
"Do you think I reacted correctly by looking back and acting as if i saw no one important and not answering him when he drove pass my car?"

LOL, I may have done the same...it's an easy one to explain away ;-)

(Obviously though, just don't let any of this interfere with his attempts to see your daughter, if he makes any. Because she still needs her father, even if he's a jerk LOL.)

"What if he tries to show up at my house to see his daughter? How should I act or how should I treat him?"

You can tell him that you guys will need to set firm visitation arrangements because you can't have your life or hers put off by unannounced pop-ins for visitation. Explain that you welcome him to see her and you actually encourage that and wish for it to be...but there have to be boundaries in place that need to be followed so that everyone's routine, namely your daughters, is not disrupted.

If he tries to talk to you, gently remind him that he's there to see your daughter and you don't want to take time away from that. And then just stick to those boundaries. Lay out some firm visitation - then stick to it. That will save you lots of grief in the long run and avoid any attempts he may have at trying to take the liberty to use his daughter as an excuse to disrupt your life or spy on you whenever he sees fit. It will also help you if you start dating again as well, because someday, there may be another man in that house and these unannounced pop-ins will be very disruptive to everyone.; August 27, 2014 at 6:45 PM
Anonymous said...: Dear mirror ,

Thanks so much for your response..I will never keep him from his daughter...I will set those boundaries and make sure he respects them. I guess I want to see what his reaction will be when he sees this change in me.
That I'm not chasing him or calling him and just living my life. Will he come to realize that he misses me or will he just stay away? Either way I will have my pride and dignity and that is what I want in the end. I have to set an example for my daughter don't I ?...Never want her to go through this BS.....; August 28, 2014 at 8:18 AM
Anonymous said...: @ mirrorofaphrodite
Hi, I'm a Scorpio girl (28th October) and dating an Aries guy (18th April) for 1year. We love each other, spend quality times and have lots of arguments which are not so serious. My problem is that before me my boyfriend had a 7 year relationship with his childhood sweetheart, who was an Aquarius. They broke up because the girl cheated him when he was abroad. Now he hates her but after our relation he told me one day that he loved his Ex more than me! She holds a special place in his life that nobody can take! I said nothing because that was just the beginning of our relationship. But I was hurt then. Later whenever he tried to talk about his Ex I got furious and then he stopped doing that again.
I also had an 8 year relationship with a Libra man and we both were very intimate. But I never missed him when I started dating my Aries boyfriend. It's our 2nd relation and we both are of same age and physically very attracted to each other. But whenever we fight I feel very insecure and depressed because then keep wondering he'll never forget his Ex and one day he'll leave me! But he is very caring to me and seems very satisfied and happy with me. Sometimes I think that he was more happy with his Ex and I'll never make him more satisfied. Then my heart aches.
His Ex was very pious, conservative and very caring to my boyfriend. My nature is not like her at all. People says I'm much prettier than her but I know love has nothing to do with looks. I can't be like his Ex to make him satisfied. I want to be myself. My boyfriend loves my adventurous nature, my capability to match with any kind of situation and he says that he loves my eyes :)
How can I stick his interest on me forever??? Please answer. I feel pain whenever I remember his words that he said earlier about his Ex :( I wonder why did he said so if he loves me???; September 1, 2014 at 5:17 AM
purenkool said...: As a Gem woman I have enjoyed immensely MMB's story! My experience with an Aries narcissist was just as confusing, baffling and unfulfilling.
Fortunately I broke it off before it got too serious or physical.
Now I am almost a month into my No Contact as a deliberate consequence for his thoughtless, callous, obnoxious
behaviour. I took control of that situation. I got the power. I feel good about myself.
If he circles back into my orbit begging & apologising (his usual MO) I will stick to my guns - No Contact til I decide when. If he does not circle back around - so what! Having time and distance puts everything into clear perspective. The added bonus is my emotional detachment. Logic takes over.
I walked away with my dignity & self-respect intact.
Next!; September 1, 2014 at 6:29 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Scorpio girl,
"How can I stick his interest on me forever?"

I'm sorry dear, but you can't make someone love you. You can't make them love you more than others, you can't make them want to be with you. I'm sorry, but realistically, that's just the way it is dear - you cannot control others...only your reaction to them.

Maybe this will help:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2014/02/dating-feeling-helpless-what-to-do.html

"I wonder why did he said so if he loves me?"

Probably to "trigger" your insecurities, so that he can hold the power in the relationship and push your buttons to upset you whenever he sees fit. Which, by the way, has worked. That's effectively what he's done here. He said that to hurt you, to trigger you and bring your insecurities to the surface, so that he could hold the power in the relationship and make you FEAR losing him. And it worked.

Ignore those words of his dear. And if this man doesn't truly value you as you feel he should, then you may want to reconsider being with him :-(; September 1, 2014 at 2:18 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi mirror,

It's me Taurus girl with the baby daughter. Just want to get your opinion on what happened last...I had already told you that I ignored him in traffic and was already at 18 days no contact, well on day 19 last Thursday he sabotaged me and waited for me when I finished working...I had picked up my kids and had to drive by where he knows I have to pass everyday...he was there with some friends and stopped me on the rd. I basically had to stop because he said he wanted to see the baby....so I stopped and he immediately noticed I changed my hair and asked why I changed it?, For who I did it?...made a remark that if he saw me with someone else it will be trouble (with a smirk on his face) .

At that point I told him I was leaving because I had to be somewhere...and I made it known to him that I need my space ..and if it's not something to do with our daughter not to contact me. He said he didn't agree with that..that he is not going to agree..so I started to go in my car and he screamed that I was still his and so I left.

Since last Thursday he had not called untill today...This call I ignored....Tell me mirror what you think of his reaction? How do you feel I handled it?...what should I do?...do I need to start over with my complete no contact?; September 2, 2014 at 5:11 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Sep 2, 5:11 PM,
"what you think of his reaction?"

He's incredibly arrogant.

"How do you feel I handled it?"

You did well dear, but next time, try not to even stop and give him the opportunity to hold these intimidation sessions with you. It's control through intimidation. If you don't stop, he can't do that.

"what should I do?"

Go to the courts and get a formal visitation agreement in place. Get the courts involved so that he understands his role is now limited to that of father (not father and lover), and that he now has to abide by the law instead of pulling these childish pranks like some kind of thug to intimidate you.

"do I need to start over with my complete no contact?"

Of course that will help you, but in addition to that, you also need to think of your daughter here. You need to go to the courts, you need to file for child support so that you can give your daughter the life she deserves (this is free, it costs nothing), and you need to file a formal visitation agreement with the courts that has firm days in place so that your daughter's life is not disrupted by her father's drama.; September 3, 2014 at 9:16 AM
Anonymous said...: Hello MOA! This is DOA... I'm not sure you remember me from my post of 2-02-2014..
I really need your advice again!!
Update - This aries guy casually called me to his room and in between the random conversation told me that his gf dumped him.. and that he's trying to make it allright! He seemed a little upset but didnt wanna go into the details so I just let him be.. as his friend!
As months passed I could see him evolving into this guy who doesnt believe in love and will sleep around with anyone! He subtly let me know about it.. making fun of me saying "You really thought I was a virgin? haha not everyone's a virgin just coz you are!"
As time passed, he started sexually flirting with me.. telling me how he started speaking to me in the first place because he wanted to sleep with me! But then that night he invited me for the movie , he got to know that I'm still a virgin and sex is something I take very seriously.. so he decided to back off but couldnt help but remain friends with me!
I told him I'm so into him and that I've always been...
He told me that he couldnt imagine getting into any relation ever.. and that his heart is so wounded that he has decided to never feel again! Coz girls come and go and are so heartless at times.. (Gahhh!) The only person he was capable of loving are his parents!
I told him I understand and that I'm there for him.. nobody is pressurizing him into anything! And that I dont expect anything from him..
The last two months while we both were away on vacation to our respective countries, the passion between us grew so strong! he seduced me into sending him pictures of me and told me shamelessly how hard he wants to f**k me haha..
I told him to start dating me and that only then (with commitment) i could lose my virginity to him! He plainly refused and said that it all begins with sex.. and that maybe later we could plan the future..
I didnt wanna lose him, so I agreed..
In between all the sex talk, he would become all wierd and say how with me its different and complicated.. its not like he can just come and do it with me like he does with the other girls.. coz I'm a close person and he cares.. But he just cannot get into any relationship.. not with me, not with anyone!!
SO i told him we're not gonna do it.. that i'm precious and i deserve better.. why should I lose my virginity with a guy who is so sure of not wanting a future with me
Haha and he told me how disappointed he was but that i was right and i must wait for my prince!
He told me he is happy I have strong values.. even though he's the loser in this situation!
(contd...); September 6, 2014 at 5:32 PM
Anonymous said...: (contd..)
Mmmm, we came back to university from our home countries last week! And he's been flirting with me on and offf...! He also came home to meet my parents and he and my dad hit if off sooo well, i couldnt help but fall in love all over again!
Today, in the morning when I joked about the sex, he told me that he's not gonna touch me.. that i'm not ready and that i'm gonna cry in the middle of it and he hates that kinda situation!
I just didnt react..
I soo wanted him to be my first but i didnt wanna come across as desperate!
But tonight.. just a few hours ago, he called me to his room to borrow a "book".. i went there without the book! and he asked me to come in and lock the door.. one thing led to another...
In short, we did it.!
It was quick and I'm not really sure what happened...though he finished!
He acted all wierd after it.. HE WAS SAD!
he kept mumbling to himself, i cant have a relation.. i cant have any feelings... then he asked me - was this really ur first time?
me - yeah..
he - Oh god..
me - whats wrong with you? are you feeling guilty?
he -i really dont want our friendship to change
Me - why are you thinking so much
he - i dont know whats happening.. i have explained it all to you.. I cant have a relationship.. i dont want to have any feelings
me - okay okay just calm down.. nobody is forcing u to feel.. and u cant force me to not-feel!
he - i'm not a bad guy..
me - i know.. i'm glad you were my first
he - stop saying that!
me - alright alright
And he just sat there... pondering... i made efforts to tell him that he hasnt done anything wrong, and that I knew exactly what i was getting into.. that i'm the bad girl here..
he - (to himself) yes exactly! i just called u here for the book.. i didnt plan this!
I felt all awkward so after a while i just left..
And he texted me after half an hour - allright.. so we fooled around and now its done.. its enough!

Arghhh I got so pissed at the text!!!! Fooled around??? WDF!
me - tell me this everyday so i remember it!
he - see.. this is what i didnt want... just calm down and forget it!
me - forget it? why?
he - i dont know
me - my dear, just stop thinking
he - okay

And thats it! we both havent spoken after that..
Please MOA! tell me whats happening???
How should I behave with him from tomorrow morning?
What should be my next step?; September 6, 2014 at 5:32 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Sep 6, 5:32 PM,
"he seduced me into sending him pictures of me..."

Careful with that dear. Don't let a man talk you into doing things for his enjoyment that may someday harm you:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2014/07/never-text-nude-images.html

"tell me whats happening?"

What's happening is that he's pulling away because he feels guilt. He feels guilt because he took your virginity, fully knowing that he didn't want a relationship with you. And he knew deep down inside, that wasn't the right thing to do.

"What should be my next step?"

There are no next steps dear :-( There's nothing for you to do here. He's made it clear he doesn't want a relationship, which is why he's feeling guilty and pulling away. He may remain your friend, but chances are if you start hunting him down or trying hard to talk to him, he'll just run away (out of guilt and not wanting a relationship).

If he changes his mind, he'll circle back around to you. And you, in the meantime, keep moving forward with your life as best you can. The only way a woman can know if a man is genuinely interested in her is if he pursues her. However, you're dealing with an admitted serial dater here who sleeps around. So be very careful. Do NOT trust his WORDS, only his ACTIONS - and know that you're valuable, and worthy, and someday a man will come along that wants the same thing you want - and he'll also be willing to give that to you in order to see you happy :-); September 8, 2014 at 7:40 PM
Anonymous said...: Thanks again MOA! I dont know why I let him influence me like this...
I thought that was it, and that we were never gonna do it again, well atleast I thought he wouldnt want to...
But oh yeah, he's back and circling around me, like you said!
He came to my room the next morning, woke me up and acted like nothing had happened the previous night (apart from asking me if it was hurting 'there')! He asked me to freshen up and come to his room as he needed help renovating and painting his room! So I went, we were all friendly and normal.. and he brought up the topic of his ex.. he told me how he was with her for 6years and had to leave his country to study here.. and he couldnt promise her if they would still have a future together.. she told him that she would wait if he asked her to.. but he didnt, coz according to him.. he cannot promise marriage untill he's finished his studies and settled.. so she just left! I advised him as a friend what he should have done, and what he can do in the future..
He even teased me saying that if she knew I was in his room, we girls would have a cat fight and what a sight that would be! (oh yeah typical aries!)
The day after that he texted me, and asked me to come meet him in his room after class...
Me - for what?
He - well, I just need some help.. what did u think?
Me - well, u need to specify like that! Orelse I might think you're calling me for sex...
He - oh does that mean you wouldnt come? Am I not allowed anymore?

So now, should I show him I'm there for him... or should I play hard to get?

I'm afraid if I act like "If you dont show me you want me, I'm gonna move on without you", he might let me go too.. just like his ex! He's a strong believer of.. "Dont hold on to anyone.. The ones that are meant to stay, will stay.. and the others will leave no matter how hard you hold on to them!
And if I stick around, always available.. waiting on him.. he's gonna have no value for me and take me for granted!

SO how do i behave around him now?; September 9, 2014 at 6:15 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Sep 9, at 6:15 AM,
"should I show him I'm there for him... or should I play hard to get?"

That's up to you dear, it's a personal decision you'll have to make. However, remember...don't give of yourself more than you're getting in return. You don't have to commit yourself to be there for people that aren't committing to you in return. Playing hard to get won't matter with a man that doesn't want a relationship in the first place, ya' know?

"I'm afraid if I act like "If you dont show me you want me, I'm gonna move on without you", he might let me go too.. just like his ex"

Well here's the thing dear - you can't lose something you don't have. He's not committed to you, he's not in a relationship with you...so you can't lose him, because he's not yours ya' know? So don't fear losing something that doesn't belong to you anyway, it's pointless. And be very suspicious of him possibly intending to keep you around as a "friend with benefits" as well. He may be attempting to lead you in that direction. He's an admitted serial dater that sleeps around...so to think he'd string women along, pretending as if a relationship MIGHT happen, in order to continue sleeping with the woman, would not be surprising to see from him.

"He's a strong believer of.. "Dont hold on to anyone.. The ones that are meant to stay, will stay.. and the others will leave no matter how hard you hold on to them!"

Exactly - so don't hold onto him...he's already told you he doesn't want a relationship, he's a serial dater and he sleeps around...so there's a high chance here he may not stay. But I find it interesting that he says stuff like that...when HE is clearly the one that's choosing not to stay. He didn't stay with his ex, he hasn't stayed with any of the women he's dated and/or slept with, and he's already told you he doesn't want a relationship. He's NEVER tried to hold onto anyone from the sounds of it. Which makes me think that's a "warning" coming from him. Makes me think that statement applies to HIM (he doesn't stay), and not to WOMEN (they try to hold onto him).

"SO how do i behave around him now?"

Unfortunately dear, I cannot tell you how to act in every interaction with him you have. You'll have to make those decisions for yourself. Read the articles here, educate yourself and learn to understand that uncertainty heightens romantic attraction, use the Law of Scarcity to your advantage, respect yourself, value yourself, do not put your life aside for his...and take care of yourself as best you can :-); September 9, 2014 at 6:49 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi Mirror, I need your advice cause I’m at a loss.

(I apologise, this is my second post today, I posted one earlier on the “Disappearing, appearing man” article. But I felt I just want to elaborate a bit more…I hope that’s ok 

So….we’ve been dating for 3months, everything was fine, he was spending time with me, letting me spend time with him & his kids at his house after our 3rd date (even though I only slept over once), cause he said he felt uncomfortable about it, he’s not ready for his 14yr old daughter to know that him & I are dating etc). Things were seemingly great, he liked me & I liked him, he only complained about the fact that I smoke, I tried to stop but its hard, so I would only not smoke when I’m going to see him that day…. Right. Fast forward to last month….

The last time I saw him, again, I spent time with him & kids, later on we went out for some drinks, went back to his place & I left. He was a bit distant during that whole week before I saw him anyway, but I thought it’s just work stress. After that, he really became distant, basically, I was the one initiating most of our contacts… Anyway, he was due for a work trip to on 17th Aug (Sun), we were supposed to spend time on that Fri (15th), but on that day, he sent me a message, cancelling & said we can spend time on Sat (16th) & he also suggested that I sleep over & drop him off at the airport on Sun morning for his flight. Great idea, I thought! I agreed. Guess what?! Saturday afternoon, busy preparing myself to go to him, he drops a text (mind you, we haven’t spoken since he made the initial suggestion for me to come on Saturday) – he cancels. His excuse sounded legit but it was lame. He said he had people over at his house & we wont be able to spend time. He further said he will make time to come to my place instead (that’s at 2pm). I tell him I understand & I’ll wait for him to come.

Ofcourse I’m feeling disappointed at that stage, but what pissed me off, is when he didn’t respond to my last message. Seeing that it was getting late (7pm), I started to realise that he wasn’t gonna come & my anger got the better of me lol… I sent him a message telling him that I know he’s not coming & that he’s been acting distant, that if its something I’ve done, he should just be honest & tell me etc… He responded after 2/3hrs & said he’s been busy preparing for his trip & if there’s anything I had to know, I would be the first to know. I felt bad, so I didn’t respond any further. The next day, I sent him an apology & told him I wasn’t thinking straight & he responded almost immediately. He said he ‘has learned not to argue & he doesn’t entertain it either, but he’s fine’. I wished him well for his trip….

It’s been 3 weeks. He hasn’t contacted me since then, neither have I.

What should I do, Mirror? Should I initiate contact or just leave it & move on. Right now, for instant, I have his jacket, but I don’t want to make an excuse to contact him by using a bloody jacket. LOL; September 9, 2014 at 10:50 AM
Anonymous said...: You are precious! I will try my best to implement all that I've read here.. I couldnt thank you enough for all your time, advice and patience!! May God bless you!! :-)
- DOA; September 9, 2014 at 2:38 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Sep 9, 10:50 AM,
I'd wait this one out dear. Give him some space and let him miss you, see IF he misses you. If he does, he'll circle back around. If he doesn't, then you have your answer and you're free to move forward. Don't worry about the jacket. He's most likely expecting you to hunt him down. Don't do that. Let HIM come to YOU, give him some space, and give him no reason to accuse you of being unreasonable by hunting him down ;-); September 10, 2014 at 5:48 PM
pisces girl said...: "let him miss you, see IF he misses you. If he does, he'll circle back around. If he doesn't, then you have your answer and you're free to move forward" I wish moving forward and forgetting about someone was as easy for women as it is for men (sigh...). Aren't there exceptions Mirror? like if you told him to not call you anymore and you sometimes wish you hadn't?isn't he just being respectful of your wishes by doing what you had asked? I know in my heart it wouldn't be right for me to make any contact and I will not but I don't feel like im in the driver seat at all right now I feel like im playing this waiting game day after day...going on almost 3 weeks now. I keep wondering if he will try to call and/or message and if I will even want to talk to him after all this time has passed..after 3 weeks to a month if he does circle back around does he even deserve another chance? I know a woman shouldn't ever be waiting for a man and that she should live a full life and try to forget him but I wish it were that easy. I still manage to look at my phone constantly, check his twitter updates and see if and when he's online and being that way-obsessive over someone who probably isn't even thinking about you- its just pathetic and desperate and sad..... I try to keep really busy with work and the gym and reading and lately cooking but I don't have a big social circle(barely one at all) so I don't have many interactions with people and I don't really care to make new friends at this point in my life. I've been feeling anxious about the future and starting to feel insecure. Ive been finding more grey hairs more lines on my face -I'm not in my prime anymore and even though I feel smarter and more confident and self assured as a woman overall i cant help but wonder if i will ever meet a good man that will want me/love me and cherish me forever.. I never grew up dreaming about a wedding or babies or even having my own family but sometimes I do wonder what it would be like ..I don't know about kids but I at least want the option of being able to have them if i ever do decide to but that option isn't even there because he( a decent man) is not:( I don't know what to do. As much as I try to manage my stress and try not be anxious or fearful of the future I cant help but to be that way sometimes -lately especially and its depressing. Why does it have to be this hard? all of the females who come on here remind me of myself in some way.. loving, caring, big hearts, and we all have so much love to give but it just keeps being met with immaturity, rudeness, or downright rejection. Sometimes i just feel like giving up. If it weren't for this site i would be lost.; September 11, 2014 at 2:23 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi Ms Mirror

Its anonymous "who still has his jacket" LOL

Thank you so much for your advice, its a hard pill to swallow but yeah, it is what is it :-)

I forgot to add some few things; We were introduced by his sister who is a friend of mine. She gave me a backround of what has been happening in his life, and he did confirm some of that information to me during one of our conversations. That he's been seperated for almost a year, going through a divorce & is a single dad to his daughter, he has raised her alone since she was 3yrs old. He'd been married for 5yr & the relationship between his (to-be-ex) wife & his daughter (now 14yrs old) turned very sour & one of the reasons he's divorcing is because he's protecting his daughter. He also has a son with (to-be-ex) wife, they share custody. He has him every weekend. His star sign is cancer & he's a very devoted & loyal person, especially to his kids (which is what I loved about him).

Inspite of all of this, he always maintained that he's doing great, that the only thing he misses is that he cant have boys night outs or have fun cause he's now raising his kids alone. That he needs someone to help him...naturally, I would accept sofa dates & when we did become intimate sometimes (when the kids are asleep), it would be in strange places i.e his car, the bathroom, the balcony...and I would leave after, cause as he mentioned, he didn't want his kids to know what's happening between us - yet. I accepted all that cause I thought since I stay with my mom (I'm a bread-winner), I cant have a man sleeping over at my place either, cause I'd be disrespecting my mom, so the same should apply to his kids.

He said he found this (our sex life) to be adventurous but at times I could sense that it made him a little uncomfortable. But dismissed it as that I'm over-analysing him.

Now when I look back, I think I put him on the pedastal & totally gave all myself to him & disrespected myself & my values in the process....all because 'the kids should not know for now'. Dont get me wrong, I'm not blaming them, I'm blaming myself. He probably thought "Well gosh, this is not the kind of woman I want my kids to look up to! She smokes, she disrespects herself, she'll do anything to please me....let me drop her like a hot potato & go find myself someone else!"

The fact that his sister told me yesterday that she spoke to him and he asked about me, doesn't make it better. She says she told him I was fine & he gave her some excuses about his phone being broken etc...

I've told myself that after the 30day NC mark passes, I'm gonna give his jacket to his sister & move on with my life....but at the same time, I'm confused that I might be moving on too soon & appearing childish by not personally going to give him back his jacket....and then moving on. Which do you suggest is best in this instance Ms Mirror? :'(; September 11, 2014 at 3:33 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi pisces girl, I've read some of your comments before and just wanted to say that I can relate to everything you're saying. You definitely aren't alone. We all have something in common, and we all have our down moments, but Ms. Mirror is an incredible leader/supporter/friend to all of us women here, and no friend has ever helped me out the way she has.

So I hope you feel better about everything soon. You're coming to the right place :); September 11, 2014 at 12:41 PM
pisces girl said...: Hi anonymous @ 12:41- aww it feels nice to know im not alone! this site and reading Mirror's advice to myself and others has been really comforting. It just sucks when someone who you thought was decent and who you had started to develop feelings for shows you through their actions (or inactions) that they really don't care about you. How do you NOT take that personally? even if it was them who caused the issues not you. Then you are left to try and forget about that person and move on. I just hate the waiting game and thinking that maybe they will reappear after so much time has passed by and for what-for them to hurt you again and walk away. I know Mirror says you don't wait -you get busy and live your life but how do you just turn your mind off and stop thinking about somebody?? I have a really hard time with that. I know contacting them is not something I should be doing and I feel more liberated when i'm not the one initiating the calls and texts trying to remind someone that I exist but being alone with unhealthy thoughts is not a good thing either. This one guy from the gym that was interested in me told me that men can get any woman even as they age but for women its different and after a certain age she isn't as desirable by men. I know that's a bunch of crap but sometimes I let my insecurities get the best of me and life just seems to move at such a fast pace and I feel like i'm being left behind. I hate to bring negativity or a Debbie Downer attitude on here but that's just how I feel some days..thank you for your support and understanding-wish you all the best as well xo
also, if any of you have tips to share to improve confidence that doesn't have to do with hair/makeup/body please do share! thank you <3; September 11, 2014 at 8:57 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @PiscesGirl,
"This one guy from the gym that was interested in me told me that men can get any woman even as they age but for women its different and after a certain age she isn't as desirable by men."

HA! That's hysterical - is he a comedian LOL? Figures...another narcissistic meat head at the gym, imagine that.

For HIS information, as MEN age - their performance can take a hit. As well as their looks, as well as their confidence...as well as their overall desirability - just as with women. And many times, although I hate to say this, the "desirability" factor of older men is "security" related. Meaning, their established. They have homes, secure careers, savings built, expendable cash, etc. And guess what? Many women nowadays have the same damn thing.

He's obviously unaware of the fact that many YOUNGER men are now dating OLDER women and finding them just a desirable. Sometimes, it's for the same reason - "security" related. But if you read articles on the matter, much of it has to do with the confidence level of older women as well as the fact that they're comfortable in their skin and their sexuality, and also emotionally not as "excitable" or "anxious" as females tend to be when we're younger.

The meat head at the gym doesn't have a clue what's going on in the real world dear. Honestly, he sounds like a player that was delivering a "neg" there to me - that was meant to knock you down a peg or two while elevating him and his male status up the ladder at the same time.

Don't listen to the meat heads at the gym dear - they spend so much time gawking at themselves in the mirror there, that they don't know what's going on in the world outside it LOL ;-); September 12, 2014 at 2:56 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi Pisces Girl,

I know exactly what you mean/talking about so don't feel alone!

"This one guy from the gym that was interested in me told me that men can get any woman even as they age but for women its different and after a certain age she isn't as desirable by men."

Yeah, I bet this guy is deep down actually super insecure. Guys, in my opinion, don't always look good when they're older. (Sorry guys!) They just look, well, older. Just like women. We all age, that's just a part of life. If you're insecure, and you've got nothing else going on then sure, that might bother you, but I think personality and your overall attitude is a huge factor in whether someone is attractive or not. I know some older people that are yes, older, but I don't focus on that because they have an amazing personality/attitude. I don't find myself focused on their age all the time. That would be pretty stupid anyways. So don't let some insecure guy make you feel insecure too with that comment because it's more a reflection of his own insecurities and/or his wanting to bring you down to his level.

Hope you meet some nice men soon! Oh, and I've found that volunteering for a cause that you're passionate about really helps take your mind off of stuff like this and increases your self-confidence because you feel really needed and appreciated for what you do rather than how you look. It's a wonderful way to make some really good friends too!

Enjoy your weekend!; September 12, 2014 at 3:38 PM
Anonymous said...: @Ladies and for me too!

Quote of the day:

'You won't find the right one if you won't let go of the wrong one'; September 12, 2014 at 4:05 PM
piscesgirl said...: arhghhghghgh!!!!!!!! I wrote a really long post and it got deleted! I hate when that happens! but anyways..Anonymous @ 4:05 pm- I do love that quote- it's is so very true. The universe wont bring you anything better until you are really ready for it and that sometimes means closing some doors completely so that new doors can be opened with new hopes and possibilities. Its just that letting go can be so very hard to do! I even have a hard time letting go of old clothes and shoes! but getting rid of douchebags who are literally toxic is much easier because they are more just like a bad addiction that cloud your good judgement. Its the overall decent ones who actually have shit going for them that are harder to let go of and forget -even if they have disappointed you one to many times. That is really the challenge for me and not having any other prospects I tend to focus in on the one that was last around even if he has pulled the ol' disappearing act on me. Sometimes I do wish that there was no chance of them ever resurfacing because at least then I wouldn't cling on to any hope of that ever happening and wonder about them. i cant help but wonder.
And Anonymous @3:38 volunteering is such a great suggestion. I actually did look into volunteering with an inner city children's program but the time commitment required wasn't feasible with my full time work schedule but I will continue to search for opportunities to do something like that because I think it would be quite rewarding and get my mind focused on something outside of myself and what I feel I'm currently lacking in my life.; September 12, 2014 at 9:59 PM
piscesgirl said...: @ Mirror -he was definitely another narcissistic meathead from the gym lol and also a trainer -goo figure! Very arrogant although he is short, stumpy and take steroids!lol he told me he noticed me in the gym doing yoga moves and he was so impressed but it looked like I could use a lot of work with my form and he offered to give me free sessions with him. He claims his rates start at $100 per session and he is very picky and choosy about which females he takes on to train because he is just soo good at what he does. I never met anybody who brags so much!lol I politely declined his offers though because I know that 'free' doesn't come without a catch and I'm not at all interested. At the time I told him i was involved with long distance lawyer and he told me to forget about him because he sounds like a lame and chances are he already has a girlfriend. I really didn't want to believe that though because he just didn't seem like the playboy type who runs around town with different women. If anything i liked him because he was more on the nerdy side with his big words and glasses. Although i understood meathead's motives he did get me thinking that through all my conversations with Mr Lawschool and all the questions I asked him the one thing I never got around to asking him was if he had someone else in his life. I didn't want to seem like the insecure or jealous type but a lot of guys are of the mentality that if you don't ask they don't tell.....and the truth is if they haven't made a concrete commitment to you than they are free to date around and even have a girlfriend but I would still like to know. I learned with men you just have to ask the important questions to get your answers. Sure, a lot is revealed over time and many men do lie but if they are honest and sincere they will be forthcoming with you and that will help you figure out if they are somebody who could be long term potential. Oh and thank you Mirror i knew meathead was trying to make me feel insecure for his own benefit and gain and coming from him it wasn't working at all so too bad for him! and you are right older women have so much going for them-so much wisdom, confidence and self assurance and that is beautiful! i idolize Halle Berry -48 and still a knockout and its not just her looks its her whole attitude and demeanor. Thanks to all for your continued support -hope you all have a great weekend and stay douchebag free!!:-))); September 12, 2014 at 9:59 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi Pisces girl,

Yes the quote is very apt I came across it and thought hmm I must post that.... Moreover, when I read it was almost like the universe had made sure I came across it. I had been on a night out too recently and often I meet someone I like when I go out but the last time I just didn't feel good about myself. My friend said that she thinks my DM is holding me back and I think if your energies are caught up with someone else then people pick up on that on some level and don't think that you're available and it also affects your confidence. She said that it was like he was a sucking all energy out of me and I do feel like I've been giving which is not much but however, not getting enough in return... Also, hanging on that it might turn into a relationship when this guy is just disappearing and reappearing and I'm just coming to terms with letting go of it now. I'm not going to do anything until he contacts me again but I am letting go in the meantime. I'm not going to give him an ultimatum but I can't have reappearing and disappearing so unless he's going to see me again (I'm not going to ask him to though) then I will have to make the decision for him. Not sure exactly what I'm going to say but I'm just going to make it clear that if it's not going any further in terms of meeting up then I will have to draw a line under it... I understand why you said it was best that your DM didn't contact you again even though you'd like him to turn around and get his act together, it's really a tough one that...

But weeks and months are passing and life is too short and I've tried the on-line dating etc and to date others and it's not worked out and I've always felt I've had him to fall back on and he's the one I want but I can't go on in hope that something is going to happen here ya know....

So it's time to cut ties, move on and hence:

'You won't find the right one if you won't let go of the wrong one' and this is exactly what I've been doing holding on to the hope that things might happen and now's the time to let go and see what the universe has in store for me because it may be someone else...

I read Hopeful's post and she's said that she now has not 1 but 3 dates after letting go of the cyclist....Amazing!! So there you go... and I thought of your post and thought now's the time to post the quote and glad it meant something for you and I definitely think there's something in it and so true!!; September 13, 2014 at 1:37 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi Miss Mirror

Its Anonymous (September 9, 2014 - 10:50) But you can call me 'Pinky' lol :D

A bit of background about him also: He's a single dad to his daughter, has been raising her alone since she was 3yrs old, until he met his to-be ex wife, who he has a 4yr old son with & they share custody. He's going through a divorce but since I got to know him, he's had a few pity parties...which resulted in us having sofa dates. But his excuse was he can't go out often as he'd like to cause he's now a single dad & there is no one to help him.

I have a place of my own but cause my mom is unemployed, I'm taking care of her & she stays with me. So if him & I have to be intimate, it can't be at my place, it'll be a disrespect to my mom. So we do that in awkward places, cause he feels he can't disrespect his kids either. It's a catch 22 situation.

We also met through his sister who is a friend of mine. 3 days ago, she told me she was speaking to him & he asked how I was. She told him im ok. He also said he lost all his contacts cause his phone is broken (excuse much?) She also mentioned that he said things would be easier if I had my own place (meaning, not sharing a place with my mom)

Could it be possible he sees me as not independent just cause he can't visit me, I can only visit him...and he lost interest? Combined with my smoking, he thought im not a good role model for his kids (even if I don't smoke infront of them)? Did he just altogether lose interest? If that's the case, should I just not arrange to give back his jacket & move on with my life?

I'm so confused Miss Mirror...I need closure :-(

~Pinky; September 13, 2014 at 3:36 PM
Scorpiolady said...: Hello Pisces girl and ladies! :-)

Don't worry, you're definitely not alone... and who knows if the men are having a difficult time moving on either! I read about your struggles to move on and forget about these men and it IS difficult. Moving on and letting go is not something you can JUST DO and get over. In fact, every day I miss Aqua :-( I miss the him of the past, I miss the idea of him, I miss the potential of what we could be, I miss the habit of him... and yes, sometimes I miss him. Every now and then throughout the day I check his profile on the chat app just to satisfy my curiosity of him. I used to check his other social media but I've since begun to forget about it... (gasp...)

But what I've found is progress is that my mind is set on not letting him back into my life. Missing him is not the same as leaving space in my life for him to return, i.e. waiting for him. Missing him is not the same as expecting him to turn up or be there. Missing him is not the same as forgetting all that he's done to disregard and insult my pride, causing me to question... no, not whether he has feelings for me or whether he cares for me, because he does of course, they do have feelings for us of course... but how much he RESPECTS me.

And honestly, the time when you feel like you need a man is the time when you most definitely DO NOT want to be involved with him. In fact, if you feel like there's something missing in your life... is the BEST time to just be happy - do what makes you happy! And Pisces girl I know what you mean about not caring to make new friends at this point in your life... I'm at a point where I can't be bothered to try too hard, but nevertheless I do want to make new friends and meet new people because they open up your world and along with it, many possibilities and you come to realise that man, your man, is just... a man.

And I strongly believe that to meet the right man, you have to be the right woman because people attract who they're similar to. So all you have to do is, like Mirror says to invest in yourself!

And one more thing, hopefully it helps. In my opinion, there's always a chance in future to re-encounter the man you miss so much. I tell myself that if I want to talk to Aqua again or whatever, there's always a chance in future... don't worry... right now, I have to make sure I am okay, happy, fulfilled and STRONG. Then when I'm in the best position possible to talk to him, is when I'll talk to him. Logically thinking, it's the most strategic thing to do.

Aqua reached out from time to time. It's been more than a month since I distanced myself from him... I don't know how to describe that moment when I told myself, Finally he's out of my life. I don't talk to him, I am not where he expects me to be, I don't see him.

I didn't expect him to reach out to me, not so soon at least... so at least I know he's feeling the consequences of not having me in his life... maybe guilt, too? Maybe boredom. Maybe for an ego stroke. My guess is that he misses me, but it's not enough. And I reply to his messages for a bit until I stop, and I always delete them away so that I'm not tempted to reply or think of him.

Anyhow, cheerio! Keep your heads up ladies! :-); September 13, 2014 at 11:35 PM
piscesgirl said...: Scorpiolady it's nice to know that someone can really relate to how I am feeling. Sometimes I feel so alone and almost think im losing it because i spend way too much thinking about this guy. I do continue to follow his moves on twitter (of course he doesn't know that) and check his watsapp activities to see when he was last online. I know I shouldn't be checking his social media activities- I'm hoping I will get to the point where like you I begin to forget about doing it and eventually him.

It's been 3 weeks now since I last told him that I think its best that he doesn't call me anymore but I was upset and I don't regret it because he made me feel so unimportant. I just never expected him to not reply to that message or make any contact afterwards. It just proves to me that he really never did care -or maybe he did and felt that I didn't. He did always mention how I seemed so indifferent towards him but I told him I was just trying to get to know him and figure him out. I wasn't about to be all loving and affectionate with him although that is my true nature as a pisces but I was definitely on guard and wanted to protect my heart and wanted him to prove himself first. It's too bad we never got that far but he certainly did prove to me that he is stubborn and prideful and those are qualities I don't appreciate in any man. Yes, forgetting about someone is hard! "I miss the idea of him, I miss the potential of what we could be"
I miss that too-the potential of what could of been. But I'll tell you something I do not miss the late night phone calls when I needed to be up early the next day for work-mind you it wasn't a booty call because he lives in a different city but I did ask him several times to call me earlier and his response were that i shouldn't be placing any restrictions on when he could call me. To me that's just selfish and inconsiderate and showed me that he wanted to do things on his own time table and had a complete disregard for my feelings. He wanted to call me whenever he felt like it and see me when it was convenient for him and the rest of the time he was too busy for me. I don't even really miss him specifically i think it's just having a man to talk to and see occasionally. I miss putting on a cute little outfit and putting my make up on and going on a date and being treated like a lady. I miss just being desired by someone that I'm attracted to! but you mentioned respect and that's what this really comes down to because a man who truly respects you would be considerate of your feelings and would make every effort possible to try and mend things if they were breaking apart or even completely broken. I could be completely off here but I do have a strong intuition and it tells me that he has been thinking about me too and possibly missing me as well but i'm not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he is in my mind space by messaging him or calling him.; September 15, 2014 at 1:04 AM
piscesgirl said...: If someone doesn't make you feel important never make them feel important. You are right, now is the time I need to focus on me and invest in myself. I feel as I get older I become more confident and sure of myself-of course some days I get so insecure and anxious and worried but Mirror said something pivotal that stuck with me-something along the lines of not letting fear steer the wheel. Making contact will prove nothing to him other than that I'm fearful, insecure, desperate, I cant do better/find better than him, i have no other options, i cant stop thinking about him and im wishy washy and cant make up my mind if I want him or not. Given all of that I know I will not contact him myself at any point -the ball is entirely in his court and your right you never know the reasons why they reach out sometimes like you say its just boredom or an ego stroke or they are just curious about you and if you've moved on.I think I am much better off investing in myself for the time being so I can become the best woman i can be and as you mentioned like attracts like. I never again want to feel like i'm not good enough for a man or ill never be able to measure up because he's better than me. No- i want to be strong, confident, self assured and i want that man to respect me above all else. And yeah LawSchool might give in and come back around at some point but hopefully by then ill have no interest in him and/or i will have found somebody else.

Dr. Phil said something once about how you think you might miss someone and you long for them after a breakup and then if you end up back with them it isn't long before you remember why you broke up in the first place! i think like most people i tend to focus on the good qualities about that person instead of the bad but i need not forget the reason (s) for the dissolution in the first place.
I am very happy you reached that place where you really feel like you can move forward in your life without Aqua and im glad you didnt forget the crappy treatment. I hope to be there soon! maybe i will be at the one month NC mark. Im hoping.

Here's a great quote i read thought i would share since i love quotes "when someone treats you like an option, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation. It's that simple."
Also, one last thing i keep in mind is that i probably stand out more by being the girl who doesn't contact him over the girl who is always trying to remind him that she exists since men seem to equate longing with love. So everyday that passes is a pat on the back for me! even though it's hard-it is liberating. I have come a long way! And I guess i will leave my fate in God's hands because whatever is meant to be will always find a way.; September 15, 2014 at 1:04 AM
Grey said...: Oh Piscesgirl! I love the Dr. Phil quote. I will keep that in mind. Your ending statement "And I guess i will leave my fate in God's hands because whatever is meant to be will always find a way." Excellent! Thanks; September 15, 2014 at 5:46 PM
Scorpiolady said...: Yes, Piscesgirl!

So delighted to read what you have to say and share, so together we can become stronger in our resolve.

Firstly, I will say, please continue not to contact him. Remember how he made you feel about yourself, and in such a short time, things will not have changed.

Secondly, I can relate to when you say how you feel defensive around him because you felt the need to protect your heart and you ended up being indifferent, instead of loving and affectionate which is your true nature. I remember the last few days me and Aqua spent together... the more he showed he did not want to care about me, the more I became a burden and trouble on purpose. I know, it's so vindictive and spiteful. And I don't blame any of us... I just know this: being around him brought out the worst in me. I never want to be that person again, so I'm staying away. Dear Piscesgirl, you don't want to be around a person who brings out the bad side of you do you!

And it's all because they hurt us so much that our bad sides are brought out. It's not anybody's fault, it's just bad dynamics.

And about LawSchool, I know he has desirable qualities... same with Aqua... I found him so adorable: he was handsome, intelligent, quirky and when he wanted to, he was so sensitive and caring. At first I thought it's difficult to find another person as special as he was. Yes, he is special. But I've been doing some digging around social media sites... checking out Instagram accounts from friends of friends... and there are LOTS of other guys with similar qualities! Single, too. And these guys, I don't discount that they may turn out to be bad apples too... But one of them, in the big big world out there, will have the most special quality of all and that's he TREASURES me.

Same for you too!; September 16, 2014 at 9:54 AM
Scorpiolady said...: ...cont

I have high standards so it may take a while, also for me to become a high-value lady to attract a high-value man. I'm patient. ;-)

Another thing too, I have a strong gut feeling that Aqua misses me. I kinda got a sense of how things are right now, although I don't know how will they progress. We parted ways on such a bad note and both probably swore one another off for life. For some weird reason though he showed signs of missing me soon enough and wanted to see me when school began about a month ago. He turned up in school, most probably expecting me to be there but I wasn't. Then he texted me, his friendly and chatty demeanor a complete turnaround from his previous attitude towards me. I would reply politely WITHOUT being conversational. I also bumped into him once, saw him looking more dressed down than I last remembered (when I first met him, he was this sloppy kid who couldn't give a damn... then as we spent time together, he changed his appearance and became better dressed... the last time I saw him, he looks like his old self). And he tried very hard to get my attention and me to talk to him. He was acting all smiles and so I did too, but it was all an act once again and I'm sick of acting. Most recently, he texted me again, this time suggesting some reason for us to do work together. I'm wondering what he's trying to achieve with that, but I know there's a possibility if I agreed, our lives would get ENTANGLED together again and boy was it such a looong process for us to finally severe our ties. Meaning no projects, no classes, no ANYTHING for us to "see" one another... here's the thing that is so annoying, he always creates these "conveniences" to be able to see me instead of actually asking to see me for the sake of just seeing me, and his most recent invitation threatens to be another one of them. And it will be so hard on me, yknow?

Anyway, there's so much complicated things going on with him. The last I know, he was still chatting with some girls from his past (exes... not exes...) Recently, I saw him on FB asking a friend if there's any job opportunities overseas because he wants to leave the country. I wonder what's up with that too.

Anyway. It's too long winded. I don't know exactly what he feels or thinks of me... but one thing is for sure is that it wouldn't be in my favour to give him the satisfaction of seeing or even talking to me. Things WILL revert back to where they were. I'll just let his feelings, his thoughts simmer with him. Maybe they will grow stronger, maybe they will dry out. Either way, it's better than contacting him presently.

It's the same for you too. I also believe that your intuition is true too! Let him live with the consequences of his actions.

Cheerio!

All the best,
Scorpiolady; September 16, 2014 at 9:54 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Pinky,
"Could it be possible he sees me as not independent just cause he can't visit me, I can only visit him...and he lost interest?"

Anything's possible dear, but honestly, that's a very selfish statement of him to make. It's another example of a man placing the onus of a relationship onto a woman's shoulders. Sure, it'd be easy. But it'd also be easy if he'd explain to his kids that life goes on, daddy's life goes on, and that a new woman will be a part of that "moving on" process. He's not disrespecting his children by moving on. He'd rather inconvenience someone else, namely the woman, than inconvenience himself...by having to actually "parent" his own children and have a hard conversation with them.

"Combined with my smoking, he thought im not a good role model for his kids"

Umm..okay. And I guess a twice divorced father with 2 children to 2 different women IS a good role model? I mean seriously, I don't mean to bash him...but once again, he's deflecting here away from himself and onto the woman. That statement was not fair of him to make, and people that live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Who is he to judge you, when obviously, he too has his own faults as a human being...as do we all.

"If that's the case, should I just not arrange to give back his jacket & move on with my life?"

It's a personal choice dear. However, I'm thinking that if this man thinks he can do better - let him go and find out for himself....that people are not perfect, including himself.

And chances are...he'll be back barking up your tree again in a month or two anyway LOL ;-); September 16, 2014 at 5:10 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous "Who Still Has His Jacket,"
"I would leave after, cause as he mentioned, he didn't want his kids to know what's happening between us - yet"

Is this man really naive enough to believe that a 14 year old girl doesn't ALREADY know what's going on? And his behavior (actions) do not even align with that statement (words). Think about it dear:

"when we did become intimate sometimes (when the kids are asleep), it would be in strange places i.e his car" - Okay umm, so the 14 year old doesn't hear you two in the garage? Or hear you two speaking out in the driveway? I doubt that. "the bathroom, the balcony" Again, the 14 year old doesn't know what's going on in the bathroom? Can't hear through the walls? Doesn't hear the door opening and closing? Doesn't hear you two on the balcony? Hasn't gotten up to investigate and maybe even spotted you two already out on the balcony?

He doesn't want his kids to know what's happening....yet he's having sex all over the damn house when they're home? That doesn't make a single ounce of sense. Those children could wake at any given moment, they can hear what's going on, and even may have seen it for themselves already and just never told anyone. If he was so worried about his kids, he wouldn't be having sex in his bathroom, car or on his balcony when they were home and he could be caught red-handed at any given moment.

"He said he found this (our sex life) to be adventurous"

I was already thinking that myself. He likes the idea of potentially being caught and the risk of it all. They're clinically referred to as "exhibitionists" and the condition is called "paraphilia:"

"When exhibitionism interferes with a person's quality of life or normal functioning capacity it is considered a psychological disorder...as a sexual deviation called "Paraphilia". Many psychiatric definitions of exhibitionism broadly define it as "sexual gratification, above and beyond the sexual act itself, that is achieved by risky public sexual activity and/or bodily exposure"...it can also include "engaging in sex where one may possibly be seen in the act, or caught in the act."

"Dont get me wrong, I'm not blaming them, I'm blaming myself. "

This is neither your fault, nor theirs. It's his. As a parent, he is responsible to actually parent his children. And part of parenting your children is leading by example, and having hard talks with them about life. It's his responsibility to explain to his children that his personal life will move forward at some point, with a new woman. And it is his responsibility to give his children a chance to voice their feelings about that, and to talk and work through those feelings with them. He's failing as a parent. He's not doing what a parent should do and instead, he's having risky sex all over his damn house while they're sound asleep and could wake and walk in on it at any given moment, instead of in his own bedroom where many parents have sex every single day while raising children. That's what normal parents do - they have sex in their bedroom. They do not have sex all over their house and risk the children's emotional well being by possibly seeing their parents in the act. And that is neither your fault nor theirs - it's HIS. Responsible parents have sex responsibly - in their bedroom. And if he wants to be a responsible parent, then that's what he needs to do, and he needs to explain to the children that a new woman will eventually enter their lives, and he needs to listen to them and help them work through the emotions of that.

"Which do you suggest is best in this instance Ms Mirror?"

It's a personal decision dear. But if it were me, I'd leave his jacket at his home when I knew he wouldn't be there, and then I would institute the 30 days no contact at that point.; September 17, 2014 at 8:30 AM
piscesgirl said...: ScorpioLady-you are absolutely right I have always picked these losers who seem to have brought out the worst in me-made me feel unworthy, insecure etc. and then I would end up questioning myself!
Never Again though- I don't want to question myself and my worth anymore because of a stupid man! That was the old insecure, low confidence me. I remember I would even make statements like "im not that special" to a man I would be getting to know -that was just a couple years ago. I know better now though because the way you see yourself and value yourself is how a man and everyone else in this world will see you and value you. I will even fake it till I make it if I have to. Even if I don't feel my best I will always walk with my held high and never let anyone determine my worth as a woman or walk all over me. "nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
So let us all make a resolve to keep the lowlife losers who project their own shortcomings and insecurities out on us far, far away! and as for the ones like Lawschool and Aqua who have some desirable qualities the fact is we are still questioning ourselves and them.We come on here asking Mirror questions and seeking support. That is totally fine but the way I see it a man who is really making us happy more often than he was making us feel bad wouldn't make us question ourselves because we would be too busy seeing him and spending time with him and feeling valued and important to him.
Now I too have high standards and I told Lawschool that I wouldn't settle for less than best and I think he respected that because he is of the same mentality. I tried my best to show him that even though he may hold a higher degree we are on the same playing field and I don't think he is better than me. Sometimes these men come along thinking that we as women should be vying for their attention because they are the prize LOL umm no-they are not -We Are! and like Mirror says as women we hold all the power. We have that loving compassion and affection they desire. We can add so much value to their lives. So if they don't know what respect or appreciation means or they aren't willing to invest in us early on then they can Poof and Be Gone! And we need to continue acting like they don't exist even if we do think about them everyday. They don't need to know what we are thinking the same way we don't know what they are thinking.
You said Aqua creates conveniences to see you. Sounds like he is too prideful to make actual dates with you so he makes excuses instead. I would avoid seeing him if I were you. You said that it took so long to severe ties why would you want to go right back to square one with him because that's what would happen if you were to see him. I feel like if a man can't appreciate you when you are there then you should let him appreciate your absence. Its hard to know what a man is really thinking and feeling when you're not in his life but now I know that none of that matters it is his actions that speak louder than words and that's all we need to pay attention to.
Anyways, gotta get ready for work! have a great day ladies.
Oh and Pinky! i've dated men with kids and they seem to have so much baggage and like Mirror said 2 kids with 2 different women -C'mon! and he wants to make stupid selfish statements about you and your living situation! I think its admirable that you are helping your mother (I too have been there) and if a man really cares about you and wants to see you and spend time with you then he will accommodate you. Only the selfish losers want us to accommodate them all the time and make their lives easier.
Have a good day ladies!!:-)); September 17, 2014 at 9:23 AM
Scorpiolady said...: Hey ladies,

I'd just wanted to share some of my thoughts today~

A good friend of mine shared a story on FB... it was an illustration and basically the underlying message was to treat your feelings like a precious commodity and not give it all away lest the right person comes along and you are all "used up".

Well, it's a good message for us to be CAREFUL in who we love, but if that were true... I'd be about half used up by now and have to be extra careful about giving love to others from now onwards.

And I don't think that's true. Thinking that way is leading towards a mindset of scarcity and hence fear. We have to have a mindset of abundance. I think after everything that has happened to is supposed to cause me to be worn out, used, tired, jaded... I DON'T feel that's the case. I am more motivated than ever, I feel more purposeful in my happiness too... To simply BE happy (when you realise your happiness does not rely on another person) and to be uplifting, to be inspired and inspiring. Rather than being depleted, I feel like I've been "filled".

I never want to be afraid to love others just because of some people who hurt me and disappointed me.

Osho's words about love not complying with human economics have stuck with me... people treat love like a currency, but it's actually a state of being. Osho said, The more you give love, the more you have love. When you realise that, you won't feel like you'll "run out" of love, you won't lose your ability to love, you won't be damaged, you'll only grow.

So, never fear ladies! Think about how the sun rises tirelessly every morning to fill our land with light... so can you do so for yourself :)

Anyway, I saw Aqua today. Walked past his table and sat with another friend instead. He later came to our table and talked with my friend, but not to me... I think it's difficult for us both to look at one another, although I tried I felt so uncomfortable. He didn't even look at me, and then he left the place shortly after.

Makes me sad but I really think now the only way is to move forward and become an even better person than before. If he matures where he's lacking too, as I am maturing where I was lacking, maybe in the future we can talk about old times... that would really be nice. When we're both at a place where we're contented and stabilised people, we can look back together and go, Ah look at the kids we were... And show each other our real selves as we both did not do in the past because we had things we're ashamed of that we're now not anymore... That would really be the best. "Look how life played out nicely in the end." :)

Cheers!

Scorpiolady

I wonder, what other thoughts do you all hold on to help you move on gracefully too?; September 19, 2014 at 1:19 PM
Unknown said...: Aries men a liars... Are drawn away by others opinions. They will talk bad about you when the relationship ends to everyone trying to get sympathy. My EX Aries moved in with me. His daughters mother controlled his life. He agreed with everything she said even if it was against me. She was a leo. She would call all hours of the night arguing with him. He wanted me to sit back and say nothing. WTH?? It came to a point when I helped him bring his daughter back from Jamaica (they both are Jamaicans the baby was born in the US. She popped up at his job with the baby. She told him when he could see her. Basically just took our entire weekends with out consulting me. She did not even want to talk to me. Siad she don't want to know me NOR Needs to know me EVEN though the 3 year old would be at my house Every weekend. I did not have a problem with the child coming but I felt imposed up on with out having any say so in my own house... So it came down to her asking for my address ( we had not lived together long) I was AFRAID due to her always being a drama queen and him telling me that she put a knife to his throat when he was sleeping. So I felt that we all needed to sit down and discuss the baby coming over and set boundaries. I just did not feel comfortable with her popping up at my house anytime she felt like it. I live in a great neighborhood and above all I too have a son and he does not deserve to see all the foolishness and drama she was planning to bring. Oh Myyyyy... he broke my heart. He told me that if I did not want to give her the address so that his daughter could come over then he was leaving. I expressed to him that we all need to talk to sort things out first and set boundaries. she still refused. from the time I met him she hated me for no reason. I also expressed that we can meet and spend time with his daughter until it works it self out. He said NO I want her here with me I told hi I can't do that I have too much at stake and that she is too aggressive. He left me the next day and talked bad about me to everyone he knew. Lied on me and still does. Would not even answer my calls or text. It hurts because I was there for him when no one else was and when he was sick twice I took total care of him. No one even called to check on him. he is now single living in a hotel and see his daughters only on Sundays. he told one of my friends. lol he also is telling everyone I kicked him out with no where to go. Sorry so long. I needed to tell what happened to me.; October 1, 2014 at 1:39 PM
Unknown said...: by the way I am a Cap ;); October 1, 2014 at 1:48 PM
Anonymous said...: I was with an aries for years. I broke it off and we both went on with our lives. I haven't spoken to him for months. Now, it seems like breaking up was the worse decision that I've made. Now, he's talking shit about me with another woman that he knows doesn't like me. She is doing her best to make it known that he is talking to her. Being with her doesn't matter to me. What don't understand is why does he talk shit about me, when we chose to not speak to each other anymore? Why is he so angry? Why would a grown ass man behave like this.; October 12, 2014 at 8:16 PM
Anonymous said...: I was seeing an Aries man (my first and last time) for 2 1/2 months. In the beginning he would shower me with attention, he would send me flowers spontaneously, he would talk about our future together, he even bought gifts for my son. He even went as far as introducing me (over the phone) to his mom. I thought he was very impulsive and moving too fast (I'm a Taurus by the way). My instinct told me to slow it down and I talked to him about it but he would just insist that thats how he felt and he couldn't help the way he felt towards me. Long story short after a month of talking and courting me, I finally agreed to spend the weekend with him. We spent the weekend together and had a great time. We connected emotionally & physically and I was feeling more secure about our relationship. After we spent the weekend together, slowly but surely the communication slowed down. It didn't take long for me to notice it. He went from calling me 3 times a day to a text every couple days. I called him a couple times and he would not answer. He sent me a couple texts saying that he wasn't feeling good but I didn't buy it. After feeling completely ignored and dismissed I sent him my last text which pretty much stated that I felt like I was bothering him and I would not bother him anymore. I am a Taurus and stubborn so best believe I have not went back on my word. Its been almost 3 weeks and he has not responded back to my text or even called me for that matter. However, I do have him on social media still (I didn't delete him because I didn't want to seem "hurt") but hes still liking my pictures. I posted a few pictures of me out and about with friends and he liked every single one but still no text/call. I feel like this guy is playing games. Its almost like he wants to me go off on him. I feel like he wants me to go back on my word and contact him so he can get a reaction. Not going to happen. I pretty much took it as another lost and am slowly getting myself back together. I did care a lot for him but his recent behavior has completely turned me off and I feel like I was living a lie for those 2 months. Even if he was to contact me again, I will just ignore him. I am a Taurus like I said and these games Aries play do not sit well with me. I know he will try to contact me eventually, its just a matter of time, but until then I am patient. The tables will turn and I cannot wait to give him a taste of his own medicine.; November 7, 2014 at 1:45 PM
Anonymous said...: @Lana Love - Don't be nonsense. Not all Aries men are liars. You met the wrong one, just because he lied to you it does not mean you have to included me. I'm a man too. I understand you don't know my name but you played it safe saying all MEN ha ha ha ha. I am sorry about your boyfriend. I don't know why he's like that. He's suppose to be loyal but not every men who are born in the month of Aries are true Aries.

@Anonymous - November 7, 2014 at 1:45 PM - Do you want vengeance? If i were you i will leave him alone or sort out the mess and be friends or whatever :-P Like you said you're a Taurus and you're trying to play with fire. Why do you want to add more fuel on this fire? Indeed his game is not sitting well with you because he have burned enough of tress in your earth down. Sit back and be patience and allow your earth to heal and put your medicine away...they are fast healer :-D

I love reading you women out. It helps me understand other Aries out there. I am learning from you and their mistake.

I am an Aries. Everybody needs an Aries in their life. Living without one is the worse decision that you have made...like @Anonymous - October 12, 2014 at 8:16 PM said - I'm just saying :-D

@Nelson; November 20, 2014 at 6:30 AM
Anonymous said...: A few months back I met an Aries man, I was not really interested in him...he pursued me like crazy. After a while I started to fall for this man. He suggested moving in together, getting married, having babies. He bought me nice gifts, took me to nice places, spa's, weekend-getaways. He even introduced me to his daughter and he wants to introduce me to his mother and friends. I have been to his place a few times, there I discovered pictures of his ex girlfriend (she broke his heart, by leaving him 2 years ago) I even discovered her makeup (the cremes are dried up, it looks like it has not been used for a few years) We went on a date last week, accompanied by his daughter. He suddenly snapped a picture of us, he told me he wanted to share the picture on his Facebook page. I refused this, I'm a Cancer woman I sensed that he wanted to do so to get back at his ex, I never revealed to him the reason why, I just told him I did not like the picture and I don't want to be publicly displayed. I recently discovered the Facebook page of his ex. She is pre-occupied by uploading provocative pictures of herself, whilst clubbing and she posts quotes like: They think I care, but I don't.... My gut feeling is telling me that i'm his rebound. If we go on a date together, he posts our date publicly on his Facebook page with hearts and roses (he is the CEO of a big company) It is almost as if he is trying to get back at his ex by showing her, he has moved on. Last week I brought up his ex by telling him I did not understand why he still keeps her pictures on his PC and her makeup in the bathroom cabinet, he told me he never had time to clear her images or stuff. It has been 2 year since they parted. Then he blurted out, that his ex is a dirty slut, pre-occupied with clubbing. It seems he still harbors a lot of emotions towards her. I'm almost a 100 % sure that I'm his rebound. I have retreated into my shell the past few days, I have not confronted him yet about this matter. He has noticed my retreat and he has been asking me what's wrong, he told me that I am acting strange. I'm 35 years of age, never been married, no kids. He knows my desire to settle down and have a family. Why would he use me as a rebound tool? What should I do? Just disappear or fill him in about the fact that I know he is still obsessed with his ex? Shall I ask him point blank if I'm his rebound? In the beginning I was so not into him, I ignored his texts for days, and he kept chasing me.....he is extremely sensitive to me going MIA. Look forward to your reply; December 2, 2014 at 6:11 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Dec 2, 6:11 AM,
"Why would he use me as a rebound tool?"

Well, I'm going to hope that he's simply not self-aware here. Meaning, he isn't aware of his own behavior or how it affects other people. Because if that's not it, then this is on purpose, which is a cruel thing to do.

"What should I do? Just disappear or fill him in about the fact that I know he is still obsessed with his ex?"

If he's treated you well in the general sense, then you can tell him why - but don't do it in a confrontational manner. Meaning, don't say "you're obsessed with your ex" because right away, that'll force him to get defensive and Aries can be nasty when defensive. Besides, he'll miss the real message here which is that he needs to be more aware of his own actions and behavior.

So if you're going to walk away from him, just tell him that you don't think he's ready for a new relationship yet, because he still seems to be harboring a lot of pent up emotions and anger that he doesn't seem to have worked through yet towards his ex. If you put it to him like that, it'll come across as more understanding, and it won't make his guard fly up and his defenses come out. (Well, he's an Aries so he will probably still get defensive LOL, but at least the message might be absorbed afterwards.)

"Shall I ask him point blank if I'm his rebound?"

There's no point. It's too confrontational and will lead to a lack of communication - but beyond that, it'll only give him the opportunity to deny and/or lie, and that's just a waste of time.

Expect some blow back here though. When you see a guy, particularly an Aries, referring to his ex as a dirty slut...chances are that anyone who becomes an ex of his gets labeled with something derogatory - and you're about to become his ex LOL ;-)

And whether or not she was really doesn't matter because - she was good enough for him back then, and he still hangs onto the thought of her even now....so she couldn't have been all that bad. Either that or he just digs dirty sluts LOL. Besides, he probably has no clue who she's sleeping with. He sees her being snarky and clubbing and makes a lot of assumptions is all because he's clearly got lots of emotional baggage he's toting around, so don't necessarily "buy what he's selling" you regarding her is all I'm saying.

And understand that you're about the be the next ex - so brace yourself ;-); December 3, 2014 at 5:06 PM
Anonymous said...: Hello Aphrodite,

I was dating an aries man for 6 years. Out of the 6 years we were living together 4 of the 6 years. He would always find a way to move back to his mother's home. If he didn't want to pay rent then he will make up an excuse to go back to mom's house. He is 31 years old and he act so childish. We broke up recently and one minute he is texting me the next he is ignoring me because I am telling him the truth about himself. I guess he doesn't like it. I am an capricorn and I can't help but to real with him. He would lie about the most dumbest things. Now he is giving me the slient treatment as he did so many times. We keep breaking up and making up and I am just sick of doing this year after year. I don't think that I can continue to deal with this childish behavior. But I still got some amount of love for him, but lately it has been drifting away. I don't know what to think or what to do. One part of me want to be back with him and another part of me wants to leave cuz he doesn't deserve a good woman like me. Do you know why he likes to play these childish games with me? I just can't stand playing games.

Thanks; December 4, 2014 at 10:11 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Dec 4, 10:11 AM,
"Do you know why he likes to play these childish games with me?"

Well, sounds to me like emotional immaturity is the issue here. He's simply not ready for a real relationship and what that requires. Also sounds like he might not be ready for adult life period. Because paying bills is a part of adult life.

I think overall dear, immaturity is the issue here and he's simply not ready for the work that a relationship requires. And it seems to even spill over into his personal life as well, because he's apparently not ready for the real work that life requires either :-(; December 4, 2014 at 4:21 PM
Anonymous said...: Thanks for answering mirror you are so right. He doesn't want to be responsible nor grow up. I just hate that he lead me on. His mom and him are joined by the hip. It is like he Nevers want to leave home. He is a big baby. I always felt like the mistress instead of his girlfriend because he treated his mom like his girlfriend if that makes any sense. They have a very odd relationship that i've ever encountered before. She still treats him like a little boy instead of a man. When he would live with me, months later he runs back there to mommy. It is so confusing and just childish for that matter.; December 8, 2014 at 9:55 PM
Anonymous said...: i in love with an aries man who is youger than me. we are in and off three times. after we far away each other for a while, we met somewhere and just talked. i treated him as my friend/my little brother although i still love him. He was mad at me coz i asked his friend about him. i get home i texted him and said "sorry". suddently he texted me that what does he owe me and what do i want from him? i said he dosen't owe from me anyhting and i don't want from him anything and i said i just love him. So he said we cannot be together for many reasons. so i said i undersand and i said he should better know that i don't expect from him anything. He said he doesn't have felling for me. I cannot belive what he said to me. i guess he shouldn't hurt my feelign if he is smart coz i told him that i will help his financial problem( i am not able to help him a lot but i said i will help him whatever i can. Please help me. why he treated me like that? i will respect all your answer.; December 11, 2014 at 2:06 AM
Anonymous said...: continue.. He the one asked me first for trip; He said he want to go somewhere with me for a few days. i don't understand why he said he doesn't have felling for me if he want to go a trip with me.; December 11, 2014 at 2:17 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Dec 11, 2:06 AM,
"why he treated me like that?"

It doesn't matter why he did that dear, all that matters is that he DID it. DO NOT give this man any money, do NOT help him financially in ANY way. He is NOT a good friend. He has told you he doesn't have feelings for you, so now you know not to waste any more time on him. Don't let him use you for trips, don't let him use you for money, and don't let him use you for sex.

Do NOT reward poor treatment with more of your time, attention and affection. He doesn't deserve it.; December 11, 2014 at 7:03 PM
Anonymous said...: Mirror would love some advice! ok so here's my situation. Met an Aries guy at a party. I'm a Gemini. We texted back and forth for around 6 weeks or so. I let him do most of the initiating. I knew how to play it cool. This (he recently said) was one of the things that attracted him to me. Not being too easy. He doesn't go anywhere near women that are too easy. So there were some periods where i wouldn't hear from him for 5 days thinking he had lost interest but then he always texted eventually. he then suggested we meet up as he is soon leaving for a holiday until Feb. He hardly had any time as he had a million things to do. So I said I had a couple of days i could meet but not others. We met up on the weekend for a couple hours and got on really well. He even vocalised this. he shared lots of personal stuff with me about his past, hurts etc, and asked me lots of questions. We found we had lots of similarities. The attraction was intense between us. We kissed and fondled a little. He admitted that the chase is the best part. He was able to have self control even though he was clearly turned on. He was so magnetic that I asked him if we could see each other again before leaving (big mistake I think!). I should've played it cool. He said he had no time, trying to record an album and tie things up before leaving. He said we'll see each other in feb and that the build up would be good. Being an Aries he loves to tease! So we left it at that and he said "make sure you keep in touch". So that was that and I haven't had a follow up text from him. Not really sure what to think. He leaves in a few days. I'm not going to contact except for "have a great trip" just before he leaves. Do you think that's a good idea? I won't contact him after that and will get on with my life and see what he does. Do you think I turned him off? It certainly didn't seem like it at the time. Or is he possibly just a real 'living in the moment' guy. I do know that he has this hot and cold pattern…but still. Maybe i'm just over analysing LOL; December 17, 2014 at 3:12 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Dec 17, 3:12 AM,
"I'm not going to contact except for "have a great trip" just before he leaves. Do you think that's a good idea?"

No - don't do that. And here's why:

"I knew how to play it cool. This (he recently said) was one of the things that attracted him to me....He admitted that the chase is the best part."

If he was attracted to you playing it cool - and he admitted he loves the chase...then why would you change something that's working? Why would you try to fix something that isn't broken?

This is where a lot of women make a big mistake. Once they're attracted and interested, they tend to want to step into the lead role, the masculine role of leader and initiator, to speed things along and try to control the outcome. BIG no no dear.

If you do that, you're going to become like a lot of the other girls out there, and you're going to remove the chase for him, by stepping into the role of the chaser yourself (by being the one to initiate).

This isn't broke - so don't try to fix it ;-)

"So that was that and I haven't had a follow up text from him...is he possibly just a real 'living in the moment' guy"

He's just - a guy dear LOL. They do not carry the sense of "urgency" that women do regarding communication and zipping into a relationship. You can't expect relationship treatment (daily or regular communication) when you're only dating casually (sporadic and irregular). So don't start to push for that, or take the lead yourself, or he'll sense that immediately and he'll pull back.

It's much better to let time pass - and make him wonder why he hasn't heard from you (like all the other girls) so that HE is compelled to contact YOU as a result. Be the different girl - the one that makes him wonder, the one that's mysterious, the one that doesn't chase, and the one that HE has to chase.

He loves the chase - he told you this - so LET him chase ;-); December 17, 2014 at 5:56 PM
Unknown said...: thank you Mirror, you have such great advice! I had a feeling it would be better for me to hold off.
So you think even though I was all "can't we see each other again before you leave" and kissed and stuff I can redeem myself by stepping back?
I just can't seem to figure out if he's a player or not. Even though he says he's not. What do you think? He works with lots of women around him and gets lots of offers but he says it's just too easy so he doesn't go there. And to hold off on the sex thing for a guy - that's just so weird! Maybe he gets off more on the chase than the actual sex haha. I know he has been seeing another girl for a little while on and off casually and he says she wants more but he doesn't. hmmm. He looks like such a ram with the shaved sides and when he walks its more of a powerful stride. But he has this other side that is really quite empathetic and gentle. I can't figure him out! Maybe its early days yet..; December 17, 2014 at 9:29 PM
Unknown said...: oh and thought i'd mention something else. His gf was murdered 2 years ago so I'm wondering if he's being cautious.; December 17, 2014 at 9:30 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi Mirror, and thank you so much for this amazing site! My question is, what would be the best way besides being ourselves to attract and stay in a relationship with an Aries man, a mature one? I mean after the chase of the first periode is over?; December 29, 2014 at 3:08 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Dec 29, 3:08 AM,
"what would be the best way besides being ourselves to attract and stay in a relationship with an Aries man, a mature one? I mean after the chase of the first period is over?"

Well to be honest, it's been my experience that regardless of the current status of the relationship, Aries men are magnetically drawn to a bit of drama, or shall I say, "challenge" of all sorts LOL. Meaning, if things become very predictable, they tend to bore of the situation. That doesn't mean they'll take action on that boredom, but it does mean that they'll view their situation as a bit stagnant.

With Aries men, I think it's best to keep em' on their toes and give them what they truly desire - which is a good run for their money LOL ;-); December 29, 2014 at 11:57 AM
Unicorn said...: Hello there,

I was the lady who send the message on:
@Anonymous Dec 2, 6:11 AM,
"Why would he use me as a rebound tool?"

Hehe, I braced myself, we are no longer an item.

He wanted to know why i withdrew into my shell. So he called me a month ago demanding to know the truth. I told him I would tell him face 2 face but not via phone. He was cool about it on the phone or so I believed. Hehe he was not. It was the last I heard of him. After our phonecall i send him a text asking him how he was....he totally ignored my message. From that moment on, I did the same. No contact since a month...

I am fine with it, I moved on. A man who is 51 and still into playing mind games, no thanks.

I have been very much into New Earth lately by Eckhart Tolle, his teachings helped me cope. I have left my favorite sneakers and blazer at his place...I do want my stuff back, but right now I just don't feel like giving him the pleasure of reaching out to him.

He already ignored one of my messages...what is your suggestion about valuable stuff left at ones places during a no contact period...; January 8, 2015 at 7:25 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Unicorn,
"what is your suggestion about valuable stuff left at ones places during a no contact period"

No material item is more valuable, or as valuable - as your dignity. And the definition of "dignity" is:

". .the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect. . .a composed or serious manner or style. . .a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect."

I would not, nor would I probably ever, reduce myself to asking someone for some material items I once possessed in the midst of attempting to take a stance with them. Because once you do that, they quickly realize they hold some power over you through their possession of your items. And they can, and most times will, hold that over you and manipulate you through it.

Live without the sneakers and blazer dear - because your dignity is worth 100 times their amount :-); January 8, 2015 at 6:13 PM
Anonymous said...: MOA, thank you for this great post.
I'm an Aries lady and I have this Aries friend. It's crazy between us, you can see us laughing then fighting in seconds. It's crazy, I don't know if it is true, but even when we fight I feel a very powerful emotional tension between us as if we both like each other but won't say anything and that what lead us to fight.... I am lost cause I want him to speak up cause he is the man, don't you agree with me??? What is the level of compatibility between both aries male and female?; January 8, 2015 at 11:24 PM
Anonymous said...: MOA, thank you for this great post.
I'm an Aries lady and I have this Aries friend. It's crazy between us, you can see us laughing then fighting in seconds. It's crazy, I don't know if it is true, but even when we fight I feel a very powerful emotional tension between us as if we both like each other but won't say anything and that what lead us to fight.... I am lost cause I want him to speak up cause he is the man, don't you agree with me??? What is the level of compatibility between both aries male and female?

I have to add this too. He always sends me mixed signals, well I think this is typical of an aries man. But they are very childish ones, like making fun of my voice or my outfit sometimes. One day, I was asking him about something and he was explaining it by giving an example on not using very twice, so he said " it is like when I say I like you very very much, it has the same meaning when I say I like you very much" I don't really know if this is a hint or emotional game.... but as an aries woman I felt like it was a hint or something like it what do you think about this one MOA?; January 10, 2015 at 11:40 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Jan 10, 11:40 AM,
"I want him to speak up cause he is the man, don't you agree with me?"

Yep - let the man take his God given masculine role (leader, initiator), and you slip comfortably into your God given feminine role (submissive, submitting to his lead if you chose to do so).

"What is the level of compatibility between both aries male and female?"

Pretty good actually. Aries do well with other Fire signs like themselves, and also with Gemini oddly enough - but I think that's because Gemini can tend to be flighty and Aries loves the chase and the unpredictable nature of Gem.

"what do you think about this one"

I think he's being a typical Aries LOL. They love the game, they love the thrill of the chase, they (secretly) love drama and unpredictability - because it challenges them - and then they become invigorated by the idea of "conquering" - so they begin to play along and "stoke the fires" of "drama" in general - to increase the intensity and their level of excitement. They find that all rather enjoyable and exciting LOL.; January 10, 2015 at 11:57 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi mirror, there's something too good not to share with you!

Last night, after 5 months of not using the free dating site, I went back on out of curiosity. Within *minutes*, I got a message from Aries clubbing guy. (Btw, I'm 99% sure this is his first time trying online dating, otherwise I would have seen him online earlier.)

Just to recap: last summer Aries guy - who approached me during a pub crawl - misinterpreted one of my texts as rejection - and blew up at me calling me weak, apathetic, and all sorts of mean things.

I deleted his number, and we were in NC from then on (since May 2014 until now). I almost initiated a Facebook message months later, but you said that it would tip the power in his favor, and he would forever have the upperhand...so I sat on my hands and didn't do a thing (thank you for saving me mirror).

This time, our convo went like this:

Aries guy: are you ready for a real man? or are you liking your time here on this loser website? (so uh what is HE doing on there?)
Me: I have good energy so don't really notice the losers. Thx for asking though :-)
Aries guy: Hmmmm that could be why you're a 30 year old single woman still looking for the right guy. You should learn to be more critical of men, most are nothing to brag about.

My jaw LITERALLY dropped. I just don't get it. I mean, he's on there to date - why the heck did he feel insulting me was a great idea? As if implying being "30 years old" was over the hill, when he's 30 himself (but he listed his age as 29, ha!).

He also added me to his favorites list. I'm assuming he wants to date me, and is interested... mirror wtf was that response about? Knocking my self-esteem down, so I would be more receptive? Would you have written anything back? I deleted his message, but I don't know if that's really standing up for myself.

I guess it would make sense if he recognized me and still hated me for "rejecting" him...and purposely insulted me to get a rise out of me..but I doubt he recognizes me (we met in a dark venue, plus I cut my hair short recently).

- Vivian; January 13, 2015 at 4:28 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Vivian,
BAW HAW HAW!!

What a jag this guy is. Every time he doesn't get the response he's looking for - he lashes out like a little child picking on the girl he likes on the schoolyard playground LOL ;-)

He's immature dear, and obviously incredibly insecure - to the point that he cannot manage his own emotions regarding rejection. This guy would be an ABSOLUTE nightmare to date, so be glad that isn't happening.

And his comment doesn't even make sense LOL. On the one hand, he's throwing an insult about you still being single at 30 (like that's something to be embarrassed about - NOT). . .but then in the next breath he says, "You should learn to be more critical of men, most are nothing to brag about."

Umm - DAH! You ARE being critical of men. . .which is why you're single (it's a choice). If any ole' man that came along would do, then you'd have walked down the aisle with one a long time ago LOL.

And then the idiot places you on his favorites list.

"Knocking my self-esteem down, so I would be more receptive?"

Yep - knocking down your self-esteem in order to bring you down to HIS level, so that you become insecure and therefore, more attainable to him. If you feel like crap about yourself, then you'll probably date an idiot like this man - and he KNOWS that, which is why he attempted that tactic ;-)

"Would you have written anything back?"

Oh dear God, I have to admit that when I come across blatant ignorant fools like this that take a swing at me. . .I have, in the past, brought the wrath of a Taurus bull in full swing upon them and landed a heavy gut punch.

But by that, I don't mean that I've gotten into petty debates with them. I mean that I stand strong - call them out on their shortcomings that make them behave this way - and then I remove myself from the situation, block them, and have a good laugh about the entire thing with girlfriends.

For example, I went on ONE date with a man once years ago that talked non-stop about all his "last call" girls - the girls at the bar that were desperate and lonely at the end of the night when it was last call for a drink, that he thought made the perfect victims for a one night stand - a hit and run. Blah, blah, blah - it went on and on.

During this horrendous hour of my life, I noticed he was a junkie - he had track marks on his arms. He had two full sleeves of tattoos but he must've thought all the ink covered his tracks. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday and about ten minutes after putting two and two together - I left this date and excused myself from the place.

It was about a ten minute drive home and when I got in the door, my phone had been blowing up in my purse. I looked and saw a series of volatile texts from this man screaming at me about how he could not believe I left and went home and did not invite him home to have sex with me! He proceeded to calling me all kinds of names - and then he called!

Cont. . .; January 13, 2015 at 5:50 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: Now mind you - this man was actually a prison guard at the large prison in the city - so he was big, burly and a bit intimidating - and clearly unstable emotionally. Anywho, months go by, probably five or six, and frankly I forget all about this guy. . .until he emails me one day on the website under a brand new profile only to attempt to insult me by saying "you should change your profile pictures, you don't even look like that anymore."

Well the reason I didn't look like that anymore was because it had been six months since he'd seen me, he'd only seen me once for about an hour, he's a drug addict who probably can't remember anything, and the pictures were only about 3 weeks old. But I knew what he was attempting to do. He wanted to insult me by suggesting that I look older and/or nothing like the profile pics I had up, a complaint that I had never received in the past and actually most men told me I looked better in real life. . .so I knew this was nothing to be concerned about and instead - I decided to deliver a real blow to this ass so that he'd think twice before doing this to another woman.

My response was, "Gee, look who just crawled out from under their rock. What do you want you piece of shit? For a man that supposedly has so many women blowing up his phone and chasing him down, it's really odd that you'd bother to take the time to circle back around to one you met for an hour six months ago. Your actions compliment me rather than insult me. Nice try asshole (excuse me but I don't actually remember your name). Go pull some of this crap on your "last call" girls instead - because you're out of your league here."

So that's how I handled that one. But I don't recommend doing that because honestly, I sat on pins and needles for about 4 weeks after that, waiting for this "crazy" to somehow find me and attempt God knows what. . .because he had a real aggressive streak in him. So having lived and learned, these days I think the biggest way to have the last word with these idiot men like this - is to not say anything at all. It'll keep you from getting wrapped up in some petty situation with them and it'll also help you sleep at night LOL.

"but I doubt he recognizes me"

Oh no - trust me - he knows EXACTLY who you are, which is why he came at you the way he did with an undertone of hostility (and it's also why he favorited you).; January 13, 2015 at 5:51 PM
Anonymous said...: @Mirror,

Every time I read your stories, I’m in disbelief that men that you have encountered actually exist. I’ve met a lot of dumbass men, but I rarely get harassed months later the way you did.

You are so brave to stand up to the prison guard with that message blasting him! I would have fled the country fearing for my life, LOL. If you ever put out a book about all these crazy men…I’ll be the first to pre-order! ;-)

Okay, so I know you said it’s best to ignore these idiots….but…but…mirror, I replied Aries guy.

He sent me ANOTHER message - which I expected to be an insult for not replying.

But he *actually* apologized! AN ARIES GUY APOLOGIZED TO ME. I got overly excited; I didn’t think he would ever be capable of apology.

He said: sorry if that sounded rude at all. You’re so beautiful. What’s your name?

Is this another tactic of his?

If he knows it’s me, why is he asking for my name.

I wrote back saying that it honestly sounded like he was out to insult me rather than connect with me, and accepted his apology assuming it was sincere. Then I gave him my name.

I just felt like being the bigger person, because it finally dawned on him he was offensive, and he did the right thing and apologize…which I rarely see from idiotic guys like him.

I hope you are not shaking your head at me, mirror.

- Vivian; January 14, 2015 at 4:09 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi mirror, thank you for the reply. I am anonymous January 10, the one with both of us are Aries.
I am very confused with him, what did you think about my behavior when he gave that example of " such as when I say I like you very much" ???
He was rude with me lately and now he is mad at me and I really don't know the reason. The last day I saw him, we the girls in the group planned for a girl night out to the movies so we didn't tell the guys cause it was GIRL night our. He knew by coinsidence and he was mad at us and he is still mad after two weeks from that event. We are not in a relationship or anything so I don't know why I had to tell him anything about that girl night out. He is still mad with me and I really don't know why, I am so annoyed so I asked him why are you angry is there anything wrong and he said that he is ok. I just wanna know something cause I am beating myself about it, I really like him but he is confusing and I don't understand his signals sometimes so
do you think if he really likes me, he will have the courage to tell me directly right?
How should I deal with this aries man? Should I ask him again why he is mad with me? Please your thoughts mirror; January 14, 2015 at 4:18 PM
Anonymous said...: @Vivian, It sounds like he's running game on you. Don't be fooled or sucked-in because it's all part of his GAME tactics: Ms. Mirror wrote this under her GAME section:

"It’s basically a roller coaster process of “deconstruction” – tearing a woman down (negs), then lifting her up (comfort) and then pouncing when she's in this confused, weakened state (seduction)."

"What's your name?" Riiiight. I bet he already knows it, and not sure why, but players or game-playing boys love asking this question, often times when they already know! It's all part of their game & playing dumb.

So far your story is following a specific pattern. I'd run if I were you.; January 14, 2015 at 9:37 PM
Anonymous said...: @Anon January 14, 2015 at 9:37 PM

Thanks for your warnings; I'm really glad that the community here has women like you who looks out for others.

I have mixed feelings towards this guy, which is why - a year later - we are still in some sort of game, i.e.:
1) He really pisses me off. The things he says is blunt, offensive, and lacks tact.

2) I'm drawn to brutally honest men like him who say what they're thinking even if it makes me uncomfortable. Guys who are nicer and less opinionated don't create a strong attraction.

3) I like direct men. So many guys dance around when asking me out, but Aries guy was direct in our communications last year - eg. "I want to see you again" "I was serious when I said I liked you". He's not funny nor flirty like other guys, so it felt different.

4) I still haven't forgiven him for the things he said to me last year. Part of me wants revenge, to hurt him.

All of this creates an intense feeling of wanting to continue to talk to him (due to #2 & #3), but also feeling really angry that I am dealing with someone who continually gets on my nerves (aforementioned #1).

Upon reflection, I have realized both of us have not changed...and we just push each other's buttons.

The same scenario will likely play out again in the future: me running away (I have attachment issues), him blowing up (he can't deal with someone's perceived apathy, and perhaps has deep abandonment issues), me regretting that I ran away and wanting him back, him finding me again, and the cycle possibly continues.

I made the right and logical decision in the end: I blocked him.

My emotions disagree (my heart has felt heavy the past 2 days), but I will live with it.

- Vivian; January 17, 2015 at 2:39 PM
Anonymous said...: Wow Every thing you said about Aries guys is true. I have known an aries male for about ten days online. of course I played hard to get but i end up falling for him. We talked for many hours everyday and he kept telling me that I'm a smart girl and he wants a picture of me. He misses me and I'm very kind, romantic and innocent person. He said he would never hurt me. I kept saying no I can't and he insisted then I gave up and did sent him pictures of me and he kept saying that I'm very beautiful but a little bit thin. I kept calling him names because he kept talking about sex and i felt shy and embarrassed. I really liked him and hes like the first man in my life. I have hurt him by talking about guys who don't mean a lot to me in front of him and I kept laughing about it. He was really jealous and kept warning me but didn't listen. In the end he ran off and blocked me. I was scared of him because he kept asking of pictures. I was afraid that would take advantage of me. I wanted him to commit and get married.; January 25, 2015 at 9:07 PM
Anonymous said...: Hey Moa, I contacted you months ago and told you that I have been dating an aries man who slept with this girl, who he kept denying. He denied it to everybody else, too. Your advice was to let her have him. I did. I got tired of the lies and the drama, so I ended it. Ever since I did that it's been pure hell. First off, he went back and told her what I said. He told on his self when he did that because I never mentioned a name. So, that created a big mess. Never ending drama that has been going on for five months. He's been popping up at the job and adding fuel to the fire, by associating with her friends and saying dumb things. I'm getting so sick and tired of his bullshit. I haven't communicated with this guy since September of last year. I just don't get. If you wanted her, then why not just go and be with her? I had a problem with her chasing me around and talking nasty about me, so I mirrored her actions, by telling the truth about her. So, she backed off, but last time that he visited she was staring at me with a evil glare. I'm guessing it's because he didn't speak to her when he was there. What's crazy is that they aren't together.

I don't get it. Why cause problems for someone that you no longer communicate with. Someone told me to call and speak to him, but I just feel that he'll be a coward about it and not answer the phone. What should I do?; January 27, 2015 at 12:40 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Jan 27, 12:40 AM,
"What should I do?"

If he's "popping up at the job and adding fuel to the fire" then you deal with it professionally by asking your employer to please remove him from the premises and/or phone the police and have him removed for harassment. Your employer should NOT be permitting this to happen at a place of business. So my suggestion regarding that is to make your employer take care of him.

As for the balance of it that is taking place outside of work - ignore it. If you respond to it, then you are perpetuating the situation. If people get the response they're shooting for, then they keep doing it.

But when they don't get ANY response at all, and their efforts fall completely flat - they cease the behavior once they realize it doesn't work anymore.; January 28, 2015 at 1:12 PM
Anonymous said...: I never reacted to anything. I ignored it. I'm just tired of the back and forth. Why am I still talked about after 5 months. I didnt communicate with him or her, but they talked about me. So, to clear everything, I reached out to him. We talked and it was cordial. I asked about the kids, he told me about the things that is going on with him and that he's coming back. He just doesn't know when. Then three days later we had a discussion. I asked him a question. He responded agressive and said I shouldn't be questioning him. He raised his voice, I raised my voice. He brought us breaking up because of the girl. I told him, that it really didn't have anything to do with that. He doesn't listen. So, apparently after I stopped talking to him 5 months ago, he went to her and talked about it. She told him that she did, something to me. He made reference to it during our arguement. After the arguement got heated some more, he hung up. I left it like that. The arguement started because I asked him if he has been discussing me with anyone. In the conversation, that he had previously, he told me that he hasn't been speaking to anyone at our job. Which I know he wasn't because his friends said that he wasnt answering their calls. So, something isn't right. Perhaps he's been telling the truth all along. I even talked to his friends about the situation and they said he never talked about this girl. When we ceased communication, one of his friends walks up to me and told me that he does not want her. So, I guess he went to his friend and told him what happened between us. I think it's just her. She has a problem with me. She's involving him in the drama by going back and telling him things that are not true to keep up communication. So, I know what I have to do. I just wish that he would stop letting people manipulate him into believing the lies. Thanks for your advice, MOA.; February 3, 2015 at 8:16 AM
anime said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; February 12, 2015 at 6:50 PM
Anonymous said...: MOA
you are so right about gemini's and aries! We fight about everything and for some reason its a turn on for my aries man!; March 24, 2015 at 6:54 PM
Unknown said...: Omg this is so spot on. I'm an Aquarius and my husband is an aries. Sometimes I want to strangle him. He is all about hardwork, not being lazy, and very entitled. He can be a gentleman but a butt at the same time. I'm learning to be strong and not let what he says effect me since as most Aquarius we tend to be emotional.; April 10, 2015 at 2:32 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi Mirror,
I've been in an on and off relationship with an Aries man. ( I'm a gemini woman). The reason why we have been on and off is because he just doesn't seem to make the time to spend quality time together. His excuse is that he is busy with work, is a home body and doesn't like to go out, etc. ALl i wanted was to spend time, doesn't matter where, but he just doesn't seem to budge. I have told him plenty of times that he is not meeting my needs and that if he can't step up to the plate that he needs to leave me be. About a month ago, I was just fed up, and wrote him an email in which I told him I cared for him but he needs to leave me alone once and for all, since he and I are not seeing eye to eye on how important it was to me to spend time with him, and not to contact me if he doesn't see things changing on his end. I have been doing much better since I have not spoken with him and don't feel like I am being strung along. My question to you is, if he does contact me, how do I handle it? should I just ignore him or should I tell him something like," if you haven't changed leave me alone".. What should I do? something tells me that he is thinking that I will cave this time, but I have never felt so strong that I want to make sure I am prepared for any games he may try to play with me ( you know they love to play mind games!).
Thanks so much!!; May 9, 2015 at 5:41 PM
Anonymous said...: My Aries ex has broken up with me about a month ago and keeps popping back up insisting we stay friends.
I have explained I cannot be friends with someone I have feelings for and to leave me alone and he then starts playing the victim!.I started no contact but after a week he was messaging me ringing me and I gave in agreeing to be friends.
Obviously after a week this "friendship" has fell apart as I am still completely in love with him.
I have told him again today I dont want to be his friend and its unfair on me.
Why would he want to be my friend? what does this mean?
He wants me in his life as a friend but he cant be in a relationship with me?
Doesnt make any sence.
Shall I start no contact again? what do I say when he messages me next time?
Im a virgo and quite obsessive and this whole situation is making me depressed and I cry all the time!; May 10, 2015 at 4:44 PM
Anonymous said...: This is way too accurate. Way way too accurate. I'm a Sagittarius with a Taurus moon, he's an Aries with a Sagittarius moon and the games we've played...!! But now I'm bored, he's possessive, and it's time to move on. Having a very hard time getting him to accept this decision.; May 15, 2015 at 6:53 PM
Anonymous said...: I am an Aries male (3/25) and while I am married I am constantly "wanting" someone new. Its not that I do not live my wife but it is the challenge of a new conquest. Its ridiculous. Like I was at a party with her friend from high school this weekend and I was just like, " I want to have her". I'm 44 not 14.; May 24, 2015 at 7:26 AM
Anonymous said...: Aries male, you don't love your wife that's why.; May 25, 2015 at 12:47 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi all, I have a question regarding aries sun, venus and mars, scorp moon and pisces merc man. I’m Gemini with cancer moon, Gemini venus, mars in virgo and cancer merc.

We've met 6 months ago through mutual friends. We only see each other when we have a night out. I liked him immediately, but he seemed very reserved, not only to me, but to other people he doesn't know as well. But, he would stare at me all the time, watch every move I make, and smile. It turned out that he was seeing someone at that point, but they split so he became more open to me. So one night we kissed and that’s the only time I sensed aries fire from him, I was actually shocked that he is an aries. He is aries.pisces cusp. I was a bit drunk so we stopped there.

My situation is kinda not so good, technically I’m not single, so I’m a cheating, but I wasn't intimate with my partner for 2.5 yrs due to many issues we have. I’m thinking about leaving him, which I told him. I mean to my partner, we’re not married. We have a kid and that’s probably the only reason why I have doubts.

I told all of it to aries man, except the fact that I will probably leave him. He seemed fine with everything I said, and offered to be my lover. I told him that sexless life became very hard, so that is something I need. Also that I’m emotionally unavailable, though he disagreed and told me love is exactly what I need. Anyway, he gave me his phone num to call him. I also told him that anyone can back out any time for any reason, but that we should inform each other if that happens. He agreed.

And I contacted him after around 5 days. For 2 weeks we tried to set up a meeting, but due to my busy schedule and his is not better, we didn't manage. He was very responsive all the time. We also agreed to keep it as a secret for now, but one time he invited me to come to his work, to have a drink. I didn't see that message, and responded after second one an hour later, where he corrected himself, something like don’t worry, I’ll do what is expected from me. He works at the bar and that’s how we all met. I was a bit confused so I had to decline. Everyone would know why I came. And that wasn't part of the deal.

Then after couple of days I sent him a new plan, to see him after his work, but he didn't respond. I was surprised so I stalked his fb – we’re not friends, and before I sent that text he wrote on his wall that his phone broke down. So I have no idea did he read it or not. Probably not. I waited for a week and sent him another one, just when are we going to have that coffee?:P (it was our code) but again nothing. Then I heard from our friend that he heavily injured his leg and he can’t walk, work, basically he is at home all the time. He also has a kid, divorced, and this situation is messy for him, cause I know he is not going to be paid. So I get that the last thing on his mind is fulfilling my needs, it’s just why didn't he say so. It’s kinda important for me that whatever happens, we stay on good terms, because of our friend. I don’t want awkwardness. I also don’t want to involve our friends into this, so I act like nothing is going on with him, though they saw the kiss, and asked me did I go to the bar that weekend. I never go without them, but I just said no. Been busy. I guess they know much more than I think.

So I decided to do nothing more. I think he will eventually make that call, when he gets better, but I’m not sure how to proceed. I don’t want to be taken for granted. Though I’m sensing that he is not really comfortable with the role he initially accepted. So any insight on this astro combo would be helpful.; June 5, 2015 at 6:45 AM
Anonymous said...: I'm a Taurus and had this on and off sexual attractions with Aries he always comes into my job. I love the reaction I get from him when I'm talking to other guys. Like "I'm going now ignore you and make you feel it" type.

I decided to make the initiative to hangout with him. So we met at a bar it was obvious we both intimidate each other because we both thought neither would show. Fast forward the story, the next day I slept with him. In my defensdefense it has been 1.5years since I has sex. Two days later I text him "just so we're clear I'm not looking for a relationship let alone love just one person to have fun with" I don't know why that was my first thought but it was. I'm disappointed for ever sending that tbh.

Now I'm trying to pull back the reigns and have him chase me but idk if I'm going about it the right way or not. Some days I'll say hi, some days I'll ignore him. The days I do ignore him, he shows it gets to him. Although has yet to text me about the offer I put on the table(that shouldn't have) He has yet to text me which kinda sucks because now I'm all ib my head. Probably how he wants it. BUT he still comes in my job all the time, I think to make me see him and think of him.

Basically I'm wondering if there is anyway to get back to the chase and get him or should I just move on. I honestly don't know if ignoring him some days but not others is the right approach but I'm looking for guidance with this one.; August 2, 2015 at 3:08 PM
Anonymous said...: I haven't spoken to the Aries for months. All Aries men aren't the same. There are other placements that are involved. The moon, Venus, and ascendant. The sun sign is just his ego. The Aries guy that I was dating did do wrong by lying to me, but I wouldn't have known what was going on if it wasn't because of the woman's behavior. I'm not saying that all the blame is on her. I wasn't with this guy. We were dating. So, if he decided to communicate or have sex with another woman, so be it. I can't tell him what to do if we're not in a committed relationship. Well, my situation was that he had sex and was communicating with this girl, but he's been doing it with others as well. I heard about it from others. It really didn't bother me, it was just that he was lying about it. It was like he was this great guy to me, but when he wasn't with me, he was someone else. During dating I never asked for a commitment. I barely called or contacted him. I always let him initiate things.

I came here months ago for advice. It was great advice. I got tired of lies and I told him that he did not have to speak to me, anymore(I did this before I asked for advice). I thought it was going to be okay after that. I was wrong because he got real nasty. He went to one of his females and talked badly about me, because she was the one that got him caught. After that, I went to him about it. He denied it, just like he kept denying her. Then got angry and called me names. We argued. Then we stopped communicating for months. I just contacted him recently to ask him about the changes within the company that we work for. He gets mad and said I should be asking about him, not the company. I ended the call. Did he forget about all the drama that he caused me?

What I will say is.... To never seek revenge on an Aries. There's no need for that. Karma always catches up with anyone. That girl that I warned him about, who he talked about me to, had a boyfriend in the beginning. He knew about it, but he didn't know that she was pregnant during that time that he was talking mess about me and pushing up on her, again. So, now she's still with her boyfriend and she's pregnant. They no longer communicate. What's really crazy was that he wasn't the only one that she was messing with, there were others. Do I feel sorry for him...., no I don't. He's been warned about her plenty of times, but refused to believe it because she gave him some when he asked and always agreed with what he said. Thinking with the wrong head.; August 6, 2015 at 8:26 PM
Anonymous said...: Mirror of Aphrodite...please help! Hey, SCBelle here. I've been dating an Aries male for about five months now. I will say that I am separated in the process of getting a divorce and he is married...which makes matters even more complicated. Please do not judge me based on that as I am looking for answers, not criticism. Everything is great between us other than his falling off the face of the earth from time to time....usually on weekends or when he goes out of town with his family. I guess these things are to be expected due to his marital status. This week he worked three twelve hour days so he could take Thurs and Fri off to be with his kids before school starts back. We had a long talk Monday after work and everything was great. He mentioned that he was taking them on a trip for a few days leaving today. He texted me on Tuesday letting me know that he loved me and was swamped at work. He sent me a sweet message yesterday around the middle of the day to which I responded. Nothing since...and I cannot contact him for four days now. He can message me (but likely won't if he is out of town with the family). I have told him that the lack of communication is a problem and he agrees and says that he will work on it...but then we have these incidents where he does not contact like yesterday when he left work to be gone for four days. I messaged him last night at 10:30 with "I am hurt. I want to be mature and honest with you in my assessment of my feelings. We've already talked about this but it's genuinely a sticking point with me. Our lack of communication is a problem for me. You've acknowledged it and agreed with me. But, it seems to keep happening anyway. I was hoping to hear from you today especially knowing the fact that you're off work for four days. I have no "real time" way to get in touch with you during that time. You can get me whenever you like for the most part so the situation is obviously skewed in your favor. I deserve your devotion and respect. If you don't want to talk on weekends, I need to know that so I can decide if I can accept that. I genuinely love you. I share the most unique emotional and physical connection with you that is possible. You are a hot man and you have 100% of my respect. I just want your respect as well. I've got to stand up for myself though and not accept anything less than what I feel is reasonably possible. I know you have personal issues that can get in the way sometimes but a message takes thirty seconds. I would gladly give that to you for your peace of mind regardless of my situation." He has not read the message yet but I will get a notification when he does. I have heard that Aries like for you to speak up so I did. Did I handle this right? If he messages me on Sun or Mon like everything is fine, how should I handle? Do I read message and take a while to respond? I'm not much into games...but I think Aries (and maybe even him) are. I'm a Capricorn. He is 36 and I'm 41.; August 13, 2015 at 5:00 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm a Taurus woman who was on and off with an Aries male. So me and him met 3 years ago and were on and off for 2 years. We were never "official" because he never wanted to commit. He would always say oh im not ready to settle down etc.. we're both in our twenties now. Anyways when he was with me, he would never tell his friends about me or his family members. I was always a "friend" to him. we lived close but he never came down to see me because he was "busy". He said I was too far away, w.e I got tired of always being put down and being hurt by him because he would leave then come back into my life.. I thought he changed but he never did. I thought maybe hell wake up one day and realize that I was always there for him and would want to commit. ..well I was wrong! Although he always told me how much he loved me and how happy I made him , he never showed it. So just last year something happened between us and we stopped talking because I was tired of the same thing over and over again. I hoped he would realize that I distanced myself and expected him to call or even text, he didn't.

just a couple weeks after our 2 year anniversary, he got in a relationship with a new girl! He moved on so quick! never gave me closure, no answers.. just disappeared. He blocked me on all social media and acted like I never meant anything to him. He treats his new girl like a queen. gives her everything (shes high maintenance) and goes sees her all the time even though shes on the other side of the country. He is so proud to have her and shows her off to everyone and im like but why when he treated me like shit? I didn't know that he was that type of person. Anyways, a month ago I noticed im unblocked on all social media again so it made me question what went through his head to do this. at the very same time he finally came down (where I live) to play "soccer". Nothing made sense to me. why did he finally decide to come down after all that time. And even tho its been a year, it still hurts because I never got what I deserved and it always makes me question did he fake the whole 2 years of saying how much he loved me and how he wanted to marry me?? I don't understand what I did wrong.. I think him just leaving out of the blue made things worse because everything was great between us. It sucks because I truly loved him and him doing this to me made me open my eyes and see what big of an asshole he really is!! ughhhh so frustrating!! Aries men are the worst!! Lol.. never get involved with them.. EVER; August 27, 2015 at 5:38 PM
Anonymous said...: Hey
I wrote to you 3 years ago telling you about my aries guy. My name was Virgogirl27 and I'm writing to you again to say you were so right when you said he wasn't the guy for me. Now at 24 years old and he's now 25 so much has happened between us. To make a super long boring story short, we're not together. In fact, I'm so happy I don't want him anymore. He had a baby with another girl who he was just messing with and at first I cared and I was a little hurt but I got over that. He started saying he was in a relationship with her and I did care but I got over that. I pulled away from the aires guy and didnt hear from him for 3 months. Than this gorgeous Capricorn man came back into my life and I was very happy with him. Our relationship was amazing! He was everything I wanted in a boyfriend. The aries guy came into town but I didn't want to see him, I had no reason too. I never called, text or thought about him much. I still care for him but only as a friend, all the feelings I had for him are gone. He found out I was in a relationship and called me and we talked for a while, he said he was happy for me and he said he noticed I don't call/text him anymore. I simply said "I'm busy" which I am. Fast forward, me and the capricorn guy broke up due to him moving away to get financially stable. I'm still hurt over our breakup but I guess things happen. The aries guy now is saying he's a happy family guy and I'm happy for him. But what is making me want to delete him from my life are the petty comments he makes about my ex capricorn guy. He'll try to hurt my feelings by saying my ex is in love with another woman, or my ex isn't coming back or I'm lonely and he's happy and last but not least, he'll say I still care about him and I'm jealous he's in a relationship. Which I find hilarious because I have no type of feelings for him. I told him I was happy for him and I hope he stays happy he than says he's thinking about marriage. I simply said, "she's probably the one for you go ahead and marry her". He'll get quite and change the subject about school which were very close to graduating. Than here we go again, he'll go back to my ex or say he wants to hook up with my best friend or my cousin. I told him to go ahead and do so because your not hurting me, your hurting your girlfriend. He than will shut up and change the subject again. I'm not that girl who wants him, and his comments don't hurt my feelings, it annoys me. He says he's over me, but him trying to make me jealous or get a reaction out of me is making me think otherwise.
Basically you were right and I just wanted you to know.
Thank you for reading, once again lol.; September 28, 2015 at 6:11 PM
PARcival said...: Background: I'm a gay male, Pisces with Aries Ascendant. I like to be pursued, but have absolutely no problem going after what I want. Mirror: It's eery how dead-on your advice is - people are people, so I think your guidance applies to so many types of relationships and sexualities!

I recently had an Aries Summer Fling Moment - I went through most of the experiences you laid out including:
(1) The Lines - Aries men study their prey and IMHO are constantly looking for a weak point. So under the guise of being charming and asking about you, they are looking for the magic words to drive you off, make you lay down with them, or trigger an outburst.
(2) Disappearing Act - wherein the Aries man stops texting for days because they are ‘busy’, need 'space', or because they are dating other people on their rotation.
(3) Wounding Blow - they'll eventually take the info they gained from using The Lines and hit you exactly where you are most vulnerable; they will do it dramatically to see a response, but if you are hurt or are legitimately disappointed, they are surprised because they, at least in my case, didn't really intend to hurt you.
(4) The Hunger Games - if they are still interested, they'll keep up contact, interact with you, tell you how much you mean to them, etc., only to repeat why they broke it off or will blatantly ignore you if uninterested.

After he broke it off, we kept in touch with him getting territorial if I interacted with other guys, while constantly reminding me how much he thought of me. To my embarrassment, I drunk dialed him inviting him to hang out - I was still sorting out what type of friend he would be. To his credit, he actually responded, followed up with me on the cab ride back, and then wished me good night when I said I was turning in. The next day, I immediately apologized via voice mail, sent one of those long texts that we all should avoid sending reiterating that I needed space because too much stress was going on, & apologizing for drunken behavior. I prefer to keep things very light and clear-cut in my relationships to preserve my energy for major crises, and this was the first time I hooked up with someone in my friend circle so wanted to take it to a “that’s a funny drunken story”-type place versus something more serious. I gave up power there, but c'est la vie.

We did have a good sexual connection, but in retrospect, much of this 'relationship' was wrapped up in ego. My ego was hurt because of being 'rejected', but I never considered him a serious prospect so the whole experience was leading me to come to terms with my last relationship. While I do think this Aries guy was completely charming, I definitely think he wanted to reject me to see if I could be lead to perform games to validate something he needed for his own ego - when a new guy was introduced to me, I think there was disappointment on his end that I didn't get cold or snippy...my first thought was how predictable that was, and I didn’t mind interacting with him since I like meeting new people. I admit that thinking of him makes my heart skip a beat, but I recall how many of our conversations involved us talking past each other, maybe being partially honest but IMHO building some dramatic storyline that never felt consistent. Maybe the validation for him was that I gave him an audience, and I was reacting?

Still going through No Contact, but its moreso because I honestly have my own affairs to put into order, and it wasn’t fun to go back and forth with legitimate stuff going on.

I realized I may have been played in some respects, but at this point, it’s more of an amusement to see what his next move will be – I’m not going to directly engage, but I want to see how many more of these traits I can predict since reading this blog.

Please keep writing and giving out great advice! Any thoughts or comments are great – I think he’s on his way to being more mature, but is still in the phase where he is looking for the next new toy to play with.; October 1, 2015 at 12:55 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @PARcival,
"I think your guidance applies to so many types of relationships and sexualities!"

I'm happy to hear that. And I believe honestly, what most situations really boil down to - is respect. In relationships that aren't working, there's a lack of it. And in relationships that do work, mutual respect lies at the heart of their success. Because when you don't respect someone, you treat them ignorantly. And when you do respect someone, you treat them properly.

"Maybe the validation for him was that I gave him an audience, and I was reacting?"

Well, if an ego boost was the "need" he was seeking to fulfill, then what better way to receive it LOL ;-) Being the center of someone's attention, or their world even if only for a moment is indeed satisfying. And it can become an addiction, or a "need" that constantly needs fed. And if/when that happens, a dysfunctional cycle can begin, and a co-dependent relationship can be the end result.

Reminds me of something extremely disturbing I watched last night actually - the secret O.J. Simpson tapes special LOL. I say "extremely disturbing" because honestly, if you watch that and you look at what O.J.'s needs are (coming straight from the horses mouth, his own) - he flat out lays out a looooong list of "needs" and repeats things like "I need attention. I need validation. I need to be liked. I need to be accepted."

That huge NEED from him, that he projected onto Nicole to constantly fulfill. . .turned that relationship into one full of abuse, disrespect, dysfunction and co-dependency. . .that ultimately ended with one of them losing their life.

So what I'm trying to say here is that when folks have HUGE NEEDS that constantly need fulfilled. . .nine times out of ten, they don't make for good long term lovers, husbands, boyfriends, etc. unfortunately. They deplete and exhaust those that they attach themselves to, they become abusive/ignorant in order to get those needs fulfilled, and the ego runs rampant while the soul slowly dies.

When someone has huge "needs" - it should always give you pause.

"it’s more of an amusement to see what his next move will be"

If you can look at your situation, and an Aries in general like that. . .well let's just say that an Aries can keep you amused for a long, long time. They do not suffer a lack of antics ;-)

"I think he’s on his way to being more mature, but is still in the phase where he is looking for the next new toy to play with."

If you sense that's the case, keep a nice healthy distance between you two for now. Don't permit yourself to be used merely so someone else can pass the time by doing so. And you know what's so great about that when it comes to an Aries?

The more you try to avoid them. . .the more they want to dance in your face. "Hey, you who, look over here, see me, remember me, what about me - me, me, me!!" ;-) Yea. . .lots of entertainment there.

I think you've handled the situation well - you've definitely got his number.; October 1, 2015 at 5:15 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm a Taurus co habitating with an Aries man 10 years older than I am. In the beginning everything was great! We communicated we laughed we connected. He moved me and my daughter in with him and for 2 months we were inseparable. Even worked together. When the job ended he found another job and suggested I stay home with my daughter. It works for me because I'm battling an illness. Then he started calling all my friends hoes, arguing when I went anywhere and checking my phone and social media profiles. When I return the gesture, he blows up saying I'm accusing him of cheating. So when I do check his phone and profiles, I become suspicious. I was forced to remove several male friends from my life, yet he refuses. His excuse is he's a photographer and deal with it. I'm a writer, yet I am not allowed to do anything but cook, clean, care for, and well, please him intimately. He doesn't say I love you, but rather says his actions prove it. He does provide for us, and we play occasionally. We still have sex everyday (it's been 2yrs), but if I leave the house and go anywhere even outside to smoke with the neighbors, we are arguing for weeks. I could be on the phone with the president and text him what I'm talking about and he gets mad. I have to call before going to the store, and when I get home. He's not violent and everything is handled. I'm getting weary though. Not hearing I love you, or being able to have a girls night out is frustrating. Any suggestions on how to flip the script? He is all in all a good man, but his possessive behavior is exhausting.; October 1, 2015 at 8:36 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Oct 1, 8:36 PM,
"I'm getting weary though. Not hearing I love you, or being able to have a girls night out is frustrating. Any suggestions on how to flip the script?"

Well one thing, as you probably have already sensed, that flips the script on an Aries is - the removal of control. Yanking control away from an Aries can send them reeling.

However, the bigger issues here as I see it is - why are you permitting yourself to BE controlled?

Because no one can treat you poorly, unless you let them. And please realize, this man's issues are his own and not yours. And you don't have to absorb the consequences of his issues. Instead, HE needs to absorb them. He's a VERY insecure individual, hence his heavy need for control. If he were a confident man, confident in himself as a man feeling able to hang onto a woman without the use of force or control to do so. . .he would not be treating you this way. He's projecting his insecurities onto you, and he's forcing you to experience the consequences of them. Instead of digging deep within himself and asking himself, "Why do I not feel good enough? Why do I feel that if I do not use force to control others - they'll leave me?" He's using force to control his romantic situation with you because he feels that if he doesn't, chances are you'll leave him.

And I will say, extremely insecure individuals do not make for good lovers, husbands, boyfriends or girlfriends - and what you're experiencing is part of the reason why. The other reasons why are because dating insecure individuals is EXTREMELY draining and exhausting. Much like a vampire, their heavy constant non-stop "needs" (for control, attention, ego boost, etc.) are tremendously draining - as you, yourself are already experiencing "I'm getting weary."

Please know that you were not put on this earth to endure suffering so that another may experience happiness. You're entitled to your happiness, and you're entitled to have experiences in life that bring you happiness. Whether that be an evening out with your girlfriends, or 5 minutes spent conversing with your neighbors. And I realize you're battling an illness, but if you can get back to work - I'd suggest you do so. Because while him suggesting to you that you do not do that, and instead stay home and raise your child might seem like a nice gesture. . .the reality here is that it has placed you into a position of being 100% dependent on him.

Translation: He has 100% control over you as a result.

And now he has taken to stealing even more control by withholding on you emotionally, which can be considered emotional abuse. This is very damaging and can leave you feeling worthless, as if no other man on earth would have you except him (which actually may be the entire intention behind him doing this).

I'm sorry dear, I really hate to say this - but this situation is fast becoming one of abuse.

Cont. . .; October 3, 2015 at 1:29 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: It rings with all the tale tell signs of steaming straight towards an abusive situation. And I think you may even be sensing this yourself. You did use this word in your comment - "violent." Abusers follow a certain path when they're "grooming" their intended victim for abuse. And that path is generally:

1) Dominance - This is the first stage and begins with controlling behavior and force of will onto another. (checking my phone, forced to remove several male friends from my life)

2) Humiliation - This can start small with snide, hurtful remarks meant to make the victim feel stupid and shameful. (calling all my friends hoes)

3) Isolation - The abuser then purposefully begins to isolate their victim from friends, family and the outside world. (suggested I stay home with my daughter, I am not allowed to do anything).

4) Threats - Negative insinuations and threats start to enter conversations. (I have to call before going to the store. . .not violent *YET)

5) Intimidation - Use of fear to control. (He doesn't say I love you, arguing when I went anywhere, checking my phone)

6) Denial and blame - Refusal to accept responsibility for their own actions, and instead begin to blame the victim. I.e. "You made me do this!" "You make me act this way!" (saying I'm accusing him of cheating, His excuse is he's a photographer and deal with it.)

I'll stop there - but I'm sure you're starting to see the "bigger picture" here. And please - please - think of your young daughter. Please think of the example that this is setting for her. You don't want to raise her with the instilled belief that men have control over women, and women are powerless to do anything about it. Because if that happens. . .she'll be primed to be a victim to a man as an adult.

These are all BIG RED FLAGS. They are not small things that should be overlooked or dismissed. They are signs and symptoms of something very serious and I implore you to please take some time to give this situation some serious thought. Because the repercussions later on down the road could be very big - and very serious.

If you can - get out - NOW.; October 3, 2015 at 1:30 PM
CiaraPatrice said...: I LOVE that I found this thread!! I've been talking to an Aries man for about 3-4 months now and, WOW, if this isn't him to a T! I wish I had found this sooner! I may have made a few slip ups, but recovered "cooly" (like MMB I'm a Cancer Sun with an Aquarius Moon) very laid back and detached outwardly but yet very emotinal, after reading through this thread I see the games that have been played on me! I fell for some and some I the others I breezed right on through. Which might be why he's still talking to me, but now he's definitely pulling out the stops with the games, its hilarious!

I'm actually talking to TWO Aries men, one (soft Aries) I told him I was no longer interested, he damn near calls me EVERY night asking when he'll see me again, I play aloof and act like our schedules don't mesh... The other (VERY hard) Aries, and I LOVE it. I love a macho man, and I don't know why! But now that I know his game, I'm all too eager to play! He stalks my FB page but doesn't like anything, but when we meet up face to face he can tell me exactly what I posted, and to HIM they're all subliminal posts about him, and I'm like, it's not all about you Lol, but some, some are about you *wink*.... Just this week I was upset about some family issues and I wasn't posting nor had I texted him, oddly we had an "argument" the day before, but I knew it was over that same night as he doesn't hold a grudge... But because I was silent for two days upset over something totally unrelated to him, he was posting a LOT on FB, more than usual, I believe trying to get MY attention, even posted a photo of him t work... And when a "average" looking female commented on his page, he said "hey pretty", Lol, hilarity...

Again, I SO appreciate this post... #LetatheGamesBegin; October 12, 2015 at 1:43 AM
Anonymous said...: I was with an Aries for a couple years and have been broken up for 2... Technically. It's been a big back and forth thing between us (never committed to getting back together but never really stopped talking in that we talk every couple of months). I tried to go no contact a couple of times and he always came back... Even if I ignored his text messages I would hear how he was messaging my sister and hanging out with the one mutual friend we share.

I recently had had enough and really wanted to go no contact. I apologized for my actions in the relationship and after (I had my manipulative and unappreciative tendencies) and left it at that. True to form he pursued and has been trying to get closer to my sister.

What should I do? He's messaged me twice (to which I haven't responded) and I feel like he will again (He is an Aries after all lol). I do still care about him but I want the games to end.; October 18, 2015 at 11:04 PM
Anonymous said...: Hello! I am hoping you can help me with my messy break up situation. I am a Virgo (Aries moon) who dated an Aries. We were friends for a few years, and last year best friends. We go to the same university, so last year we hung out practically every day whether it was doing homework, getting dinner, singing, etc. As friends, we were very easygoing and loyal to each other.

This man quickly developed feelings for me, but I was not attracted to him in that way. Apparently months later, I find out he took this rejection hard. In the meantime, we continued to be friends but I considered dating him. We had lots of fun and he was a loyal friend, so why not?

When we finally dated at first all was very dandy. It was like the friendship, but we fought A LOT. It seemed as if little things would bother me about his immature nature, and communication after arguments never were very clear. I always felt as if our relationship was too much work, as we were both hot-headed and stubborn in arguments. Needless to say, he was sweet to me, though. He would travel and visit me before work for only a few hours, surprise me with little gifts, and Skype me whenever he had the chance. I felt like our love was passionate and very quick-paced.

...; October 26, 2015 at 11:36 PM
Anonymous said...: cont'd

After a long summer, he decided to break up 5 days before he saw me, over SOCIAL MEDIA. I felt completely disrespected, as he impulsively threw away a relationship without discussing any of it with me. His reasoning was that he wanted to focus completely on his career in college, he thought we weren’t compatible, his parents didn’t support us, etc. I could barely voice my opinion, because he said his decision had already been made. After about 15 minutes of conversation, he stopped reading my messages and left me hanging. This was 2 am in the morning for me.

A few days later, he casually wished me a happy birthday as if nothing happened. I ignored it, still enraged. I didn’t want to crawl back to him and look weak; I have a lot of self-respect. I don’t hear from him for a week, and instead, I see on my social media that he added a slew of girls and posted a picture of a girl that was posed in a sultry way. I couldn’t stand the anxiety and hurt of it anymore, so I deleted him. A week later he returns home, and messages me asking if we can “meet up and talk”. After the treatment you gave me, I am supposed to just drop everything and talk to you when YOU want? I angrily responded the next day, he ignored me, and I messaged him again upfront. We finally met and he was a different person. I kind of sensed he was putting up a front. He was very pompous and wore a smug smile on his face. I told him how awful I felt and he didn’t see anything wrong with his actions. I was cool and collected, but I also insulted him many times with truths attached to them. He acted indifferent towards them but I am not sure how he internally perceived it all.

He left me saying it was my choice whether or not we remained friends, that I should just move on already. Also, he shoved it in my face that I had deleted him first anyways. I asked him how on earth can we be friends after he disrespected me, and he said, “fine, we don’t have to be”. This was not the heart to heart conversation I wanted to have.

I miss our friendship and am pretty much over the romantic relationship part. He hurt me very badly with his aloof nature at the end, especially when he did not care in our conversation. But I see him around campus sometimes and wish we could be cordial. Now, I don’t know what to do. Although I am very hurt and feel as though I deserve better, I do not want to burn a bridge with someone I once loved. When we last spoke, I was very angry and could not communicate with his arrogant style. I feel as though if I approach him now, it might look desperate or he might harshly reject me. I have not contacted him for over a month. Is it too late, has the damage been done? I can’t imagine that I mean absolutely nothing to him after all we’ve been through, but he is presenting himself not to care at all. In my peripheral I do notice him watching me at times, I can feel it..; October 26, 2015 at 11:54 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm an Aries female and I've been dating an Aries males for the past two years. all of this is so true and after breaking up with him again I realize its for the best. we have the best relationship ever but he tends to stray away no matter how good things are with us. we been knowing each other our whole lives.; November 14, 2015 at 12:18 PM
Anonymous said...: Anonymous from 10/26: It sounds like you should leave him alone. I don't think you can contact this guy again without looking as if you don't know what you want, or as you said, giving up a lot of power (and self-respect). I say move on, and let him wonder where you went.; November 15, 2015 at 1:52 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm the anon from 10/26 and my response,

I haven't contacted him for over 2 months. Its just weird how he was a big part of my life and now we are not on any kind of terms, or if anything, bad ones. When we last spoke, I was very angry. Could he have been angry, too? Is he not contacting me because he is respecting my space, or leaving it up to me to make the decision?

Also a side note.. I owe him some money from when we were on vacation together. I happily was going to pay him back when we were together, but after the messy break up I was so angry I told him I didn't have the money and didn't want to pay him. I mean is this something I should do? I am a very fair person but now I am not sure if it would be relevant, but it could also be a way to break the silence..

Either way, I have been living my life and feeling much better. As a Virgo though, I forgive over time and just like to have harmonious relationships with others.; November 17, 2015 at 11:02 PM
Anonymous said...: cont'd

I have moved on and feel a lot better. I was angry with him a few months ago, but never actually wanted us to stop being friends. I just wanted him to respect me. In most situations like these I'd let things simmer down naturally, but we are both graduating in a few months. Its just sad for me to look back on my college experience and think I had a friend for years and it all ended over a bad relationship experience (lack of communication/understanding). We were also each first times. I feel like this is the last chance to do something before we part ways..

**Oh and a side note I owe him money from when we were on vacation. I happily wanted to pay him back when we were together. After we broke up I was angry and told him I didn't have the money/didn't want to pay him (he's also very wealthy and spoiled). Should I reach out to him for that, or is it completely irrelevant now? It could be a way to break the silence..; November 17, 2015 at 11:14 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Oct 26,
"I asked him how on earth can we be friends after he disrespected me. . .He hurt me very badly with his aloof nature at the end. . .he decided to break up 5 days before he saw me, over SOCIAL MEDIA. . .Should I reach out to him for that, or is it completely irrelevant now? It could be a way to break the silence.. "

Why break the silence? Why put yourself through this again, or risk possible rejection from him? There's no guarantee that he won't treat you disrespectfully again, and there's no guarantee that he will no longer be aloof about it. He has not attempted to reach out to you, and therefore, I would not attempt contact. Because if may only give him a second chance to swat you away. He said he wanted to be friends, but in truth, his behavior at the time towards you was not "friendly" in any way, shape or form. Instead, he was smug, aloof, and seemed very pleased with himself. What makes you think any of that has changed, if he's not reached out to you himself, ya' know?

I wouldn't bother dredging this up again, because unfortunately, I don't think it would go as you plan. He broke up with you, and he's never reached out to you - so I think it's best that you don't circle back around to reward him for that decision, ya' know?

You may be willing to forgive, but you said yourself that he had an "immature nature" - which means that most likely, he will not handle a friendship, or you contacting him, very maturely - so don't risk it.; November 18, 2015 at 9:16 AM
Anonymous said...: Aries men are such a joke - you might get a chuckle out of this one, mirror.

I've written about this guy before; I met him at a lounge/bar venue in April 2014.

After phone tagging for 1-2 weeks, I said something that he misinterpreted as rejection and he called me "weak" and "apathetic" and later "delete your existence." And we stopped talking. I spent a large part of 2014 trying to get him back (well not by pursuing him, but using affirmations, visualizations).

I gave up and forgot about him until January 2015 when he messaged me on a dating site. He was a bit hostile (implying I was over the hill and couldn't find anyone due to my age). At the time, I think you said he probably knew it was me, but I wasn't sure.

Later I blocked his ass. End of January, he found me on Facebook somehow and added me. I deleted his request.

Months go by and I forget again, until I discovered he added me to his Favorites list end of October, LOL. He does nothing.... until yesterday!!

I hid my profile and removed all my pictures after being exclusive on November 15 - so it's been about a week.

His message?

"Hello there. I like your smile ;) What's your name?"

HAHAHA you got to be kidding me! My smile? How can he see it if I had taken down my pictures for over a week? I was on his favorites list for almost a month. Why message me now? What a joke!!

Anyways that's my aries story. When you want them to stay gone, they just keep circling back.

- Vivian; November 24, 2015 at 3:40 PM
Emily said...: Taurus lady here, been dating an Aries man for over 3 months now. Everything you said is pretty spot on. Its been a roller coaster ride. You're right. I was not about him AT ALL at first. But what can I say. he charmed my pants off (quite literally) and wooed me.

Aries men are an enigma if you've ever met one. And since this thread seems to be painting them in a mostly negative light, I will start with the good side. When I first let myself have feelings for him, he was like straight out of a movie. Prince Charming in Shining Armor. Sweet and completely genuine. Showers me with sincere complements, takes me on dates, he'll even run to beat me to the car so he can hold the door open for me. Helped me in every way he possibly could. Even if I was casually bringing up an inconvenience for the sake of conversation, his immediate move is to find out what he could do to help and do it. I'm not exaggerating. Does not patronize me and is always respectful. Very loving and affectionate. He is also absolutely hilarious and I do act very childlike sometimes (moon in Gemini btw) I can tell he loves it. If i tease him or try to play with him, he has a huge smile on his face and laughs till he's out of breath.
The Downside is the kicker. In a lot of ways, an Aries can be the epitome of the typical male. There has been a couple of times he has been downright shady. Hot and cold, fickle, and even rude. He will say things to make me jealous just to get a reaction out of me. This is truly why he is the "child".
This is where I do feel like a Taurus woman is good for him. We are level headed and patient, but if he starts to get ridiculous we put our foot down that we won't put up with nonsense. Taureans also have a way of "worshiping" the one they love, which is a very good thing.
If you feel like an Aries man is playing with you, tell him you do not want that, and be clear that you are prepared to walk away from his behavior (and be serious about it) If you do this and the Aries comes back, says sorry, and changes his behavior, you may have won him over. But always stand your ground!! This goes for all relationships. Make sure your needs are being met while being tolerant of their flaws (within reason) Because we all have them.; November 30, 2015 at 2:59 AM
Anonymous said...: Omg these are spot on I'm dying! Lol. I'm a libra woman married to the biggest baby Aries. Love him dearly but he sure puts me on a roller-coaster of highs and lows. Sometimes he can make me feel like the happiest most luckiest woman on earth and others I'm a disaster mess asking myself why we got married. I can swear that Aries are the most passionate lovers and the best in the bedroom in my experiences. They are adventurous and fun. They are so masculine and attractive. I am a total sucker for them but they all have similar traits that drive me insane after time has gone by. The beginnings of dating them are so exciting and addicting. They usually seek you out which makes you feel like a queen. Expect them to spend loads of money on you but you'll realize it's just to stroke their ego as they'll want you to wear or tell people what they did or got you just show it off that they have money. They blame everyone or everything for their problems. They exaggerate stories, they instigate issues and bully people. They NEVER apologize nor admit wrong so you'll have to be the 1st and they'll come running back. I am the most chill person as I am a libra but I've been called mean when I try to bring up an issue. It's awful! You have to somehow just deal with their behaviors and not fight. It's just adding fuel to their fire and they ALWAYS have to win. It sucks! They always have means to money which is great but they are so flighty and inconsistent so they don't stay put at a job. They get "bored" and blame their boss. I know this probably doesn't speak for all just my 2 cents; December 1, 2015 at 10:39 AM
Anonymous said...: hello mirror, im seeing this man,, i have known him when i was about 10 years old my family is friends with his family and we are all conservative families so no sex pre marriage will ever be involved here. anyway, i started liking this guy and when i seriously like someone i disappear fearing of rejection, btw im a virgo with leo moon and venus and he's an aries with aries moon and gemini venus. anyway, throught the years im 25 now and he's 28. i saw him in a restaurant i dropped my wallet and he picked it up and gave it to me, it was an accident. so at this point i couldnt resist keeping him hidden in my heart waiting for him to slip away further. btw he hasnt seen me since childhood suddenly he saw me as a grown up woman lol thanks to me for doing this :/ anyway, so i contacted him in social media and i told him remember me ur good old friend he recognised me immediatly and asked where have u been all these years, i have asked my families about u and why u stopped visiting us..etc and he said wow u grew up into a beautiful woman i didnt recognise u at all when i saw u. anyway, he kept hitting on me and we kept texting until he rushed us into dating without me realising it! anyway, he was contacting me 24/7 to the point i was suffocating but i was attentive lets say 90% of the time. anyway, we dated for few times and he kept staring at me and touching my hands and finding excuses to hold or shake my hands.. and suddenly he disappeared for 2 weeks, i was worried af of why he would leave me this way! i call him and he ignored, i texted him said this is too odd why ur doing this? he said i respect u and ur precious but im going through so much stuff right now (btw he's working on his career, starting it) i was like its still not an excuse ur not contacting me at all are u avoiding me and i courted him he said theres nothing wrong, i still find it wrong because afterwards when i talk to him he would respond as if he doesnt wanna talk! and i did the ultimate mistake bursting all my emotions out telling how i loved him all these years and i couldnt resist staying away this much waiting for u getting married and me blaming myself for staying away! but since ur disappearing obviously u dont like me the way i like u and i promise i'll leave u alone. and what i have got? the ultimate silent treatment. so 3 months later with no contact, i saw him laucnhing his career, i texted him congratulating him and showing my happiness, it was so short and sweet, he was like, so welcoming and his voice was too calm and warm and seemed happy and surprised that i came back wishing him good luck.. so once every week or two i initiate a contact and he responds to me 100% the time without keeping me waiting. i always text but decided to try calling and he responded and his voice tone was so sweet and warm, and said whenever u want to contact just never hesistate ur always welcomed, he was flirting and such, i told him i was starting a business and he was very turned on for this step.; December 6, 2015 at 3:46 AM
Anonymous said...: . anyway, our convos were always too short and sweet but im a bit greedy and want to get to know him more, its just i always start the convo not him! its been like 3 months and we have this little talkings, i disappeared for 2 weeks not contacting him, but i see him incidently in public places and WHENEVER he sees me, he stares until forever and always text me! always! anyway, suddenly i started texting him and asked him if he wants to joing me jogging and immediately he joined, and he was touching my hands all the time and kissing me all the time, for the first time. but still he was a bit hesitated, he then told me that he was getting attracted to me sexualy ;s but didnt want to do anything (hence were conservative families) then he mentioned stuff like i wish our families didnt know each other, few minutes later he tells me i want u to always be happy, then he tells me i dont want to do something and regret it later, i asked what did he mean? he said im too horny to answer now :/ but thats the truth i dont want to do anything and regret it. anyway, as always im always the one to contact first, but mirror im kinda unhappy with our situation, he woudlnt tell me whats happening in his life and that i have to guess whether hes going through shit or busy or whatever, and when i text him he 98% responds but sometimes he ignores completely! it hurts me when he does this, and sometimes i tell him im going through something bad he would ignore! and its too normal when he coincidently see me in public he texts as if nothing happened! ;/ when i call him or ask him to call me he says few words then im kinda busy now once im done i'll call u back and he never calls,, mirror im for sure certain that he likes me and attracted to me physically but something is holding him back from being with me, i dont know how to push him and let him start a serious relation with me and have him more caring, btw i never ask him to care, never asked him to be in a relation, i try as much as i can to avoid the word relationship and marriage with him, we never discuss ex's .. bcs i never bring it up. i dont know but i dont think he 'loves' me and he doesnt seem to want to deal with love, but i know he likes me, he has all these signs he unintentionally gives me. please help me! sorry for writing too much, i thought details might be helpful; December 6, 2015 at 3:47 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Dec 6, 3:46 AM,
The only way a woman can know if a man is genuinely interested is to see if HE pursues HER. That's the only way.

If you pursue a man, he will spend time with you. He'll even sleep with you if it's offered. But that doesn't mean he'll want a relationship or a commitment. You can't force someone to love you or want to be with you. They have to want the same thing. You can't force anything on someone, they have to want it as well.

If I were you, I would cease contacting this man and attempting to take control and push things along - and instead, I'd sit in silence and do nothing and I'd wait to see if he seeks me out. If he does, then you have your answer. If he doesn't, then you have your answer.

Either way - you'll have your answer ;-); December 8, 2015 at 8:54 AM
Anonymous said...: Alright im backing off already, i decided not to contact him at all, what if he calls or texts me randomly, especially when he see's me somewhere in public he Contacts me for the fact he saw me -.- how do i act or reply?? How do i make him crazy about me ;(; December 10, 2015 at 3:20 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Dec 10, 3:20 PM,
"when he see's me somewhere in public he Contacts me for the fact he saw me -.- how do i act or reply?? How do i make him crazy about me"

Re-read the article above. Aries love a challenge. They like to "conquer" things (people), and they bore with predictability:

"It's about the challenge. If that disappears and they've figured you out, as much as I hate to say it, you become boring to them. If you're gunning for an Aries male, my advice to you if you'd like to snag him would be to run in the other direction. Just run, run and then keep running from him. He'll chase you like there's no tomorrow and he'll love every minute of it.

What woman is the woman that usually captures the Aries man's heart? This is funny, but most times, a woman that's been with an Aries man for a while will tell you, "When I first met him, I didn't like him." And he knew it - and that's when the chase began, he stumbled - and then fell in love. These chaps are funny, the more you dislike them, the more they like you and the harder they set out to change your mind."; December 10, 2015 at 4:58 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi Mirror,
this is Hopeful. Mirror, I don´t know if I am so stupid, gullible, lacking in experience with men or unlucky (perhaps a combination of all) but I have allowed a man to play with me (again). This man is a part of my work team. We´ve been working together on a special project from the beginning of October to the end of January. I coordinate a team of about 10 - 15 people and he is one of them. I am not in personal contact with the team members, I just coordinate them as a group. Anyway, this man usually sits at the back of the room and as I am short-sighted I can´t see him properly. I haven´t noticed him until about three weeks ago. He was always very quiet, not my type although not ugly, worked on his tasks silently, never asked anything or drew attention to him, in a word - almost invisible. Looked about my age. The only information I learned about him from him was that he is a chess player. I remember thinking "wow, this guy plays chess - a typical nerd". Then about three weeks ago as I was leaving the building in the evening I noticed him standing in the entrance hall inside the building facing me. As I was leaving our eyes met, he smiled, I too, and we said good-bye again. (We had already said good-bye in the office). Nothing unusual, I thought he must have been waiting for someone. Although, in retrospect, it was quite late in the evening (but the building was still open so I didn´t pay any attention to it). And looking back, my impression was that he wasn´t as shy as he appeared in the meetings but I disregarded the thought. Then after the next meeting I returned to the office after the team had disbanded to take something from there and I found him walking around making a phone call. Nothing unusual, only that he could have left the office and made the phone call in the corridor. I took my things and left gesticulating to him to close the door behind him after he finished. He made a facial expression which didn´t say anything to me but somehow at that point he got under my skin so to speak and during the next meeting I started to observe him inconspicuously. Of course, he noticed it and "game" was on. (However, at that point I didn´t know he - or we - were playing). He seemed so quiet, shy and uninteresting that I started to observe him just out of curiousity, he was not my type at all. Mirror,I don´t know if I am so desperate to find a man (I don´t think I am) or so oversensitive or whatever, but to cut a long story short during the following few group meetings I ended up flirting with him, or rather, gradually allowed him to flirt with me in front of the others (more or less unwillingly, slowly but surely my lit Christmas tree was there again after a few exchanges, prolonged eye contacts, etc., and men always can read me so he had a green light even without my consent). By the way, it was unprofessional on my part but hopefully, the team members will think I was happy and smiling because of Christmas time. And Mirror, what is the worst, I believed he was interested, he seemed so genuine to me, I thought he just wanted a green light to be able to wait for me after the meeting and ask me out (he had hinted something in the meeting).; December 20, 2015 at 1:38 PM
Anonymous said...: cont.
Well, what happened? In the last meeting he flirted with other women simultaneously with me and at the end simply left. Fortunately, I was busy with work-related things so hopefully, he didn´t see my disappointed facial expression. I didn´t even realize what had happened, only later did it occur to me I had been played. You know, that familiar feeling of dizziness in the head - you don´t know what is the truth and what fantasy... And when as usual I returned to the office after most team members had left, there were the two women he had been flirting with talking quietly and I was able to overhear the following:"You know, I like to chat with anybody, he is quite nice, but he is... and I have seen him with a blond woman and a child...." I am not sure who they were talking about but since I doubt any team members know each other outside the project, it´s highly probable it was about him.
Mirror, I have already got over this experience, nothing bad happened after all. My question is: How do I behave to him and the group after Christmas? The project is running till the end of January. I can´t know for sure how he meant it but I am sure he had fun playing with me. Subtly, but he did. The worst thing is that I liked it and I quite like him now (although he was "invisible" before). I would like to win this time. I usually lose both battles and wars. Now I have lost a battle but want to win the war. However, my moves are very limited considering the circumstances. Do you have any ideas? Should I try to flirt with other men in the team or just have a poker face and ignore him? He knows I know so I must take a stance, otheriwse I will lose.
I will be looking forward to your suggestions. Thank you very much and have a nice rest of the weekend,
Hopeful:-); December 20, 2015 at 1:56 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Hopeful,
"How do I behave to him and the group after Christmas?"

The same as always, you don't change your behavior - because nothing happened here between you two to warrant that. Naturally, you don't want to participate in flirting anymore, but other than that - keep it civil and professional :-)

"Should I try to flirt with other men in the team or just have a poker face and ignore him?"

Just be yourself - and OBSERVE and do nothing.

Don't begin "do, do, doing" in an attempt to control the situation and try to make something happen. Because this man may be attached, and those women could have very likely been referring to him in that conversation you overheard.

As a result, you need to observe more so that the truth becomes apparent before any moves are made.

"He knows I know so I must take a stance, otheriwse I will lose."

You won't lose - if you're not playing the game in the first place. Meaning, don't get sucked in by all this superficial flirting. Instead, do nothing and observe this man and his background more first. If he's attached, this is all for nothing anyway.

So it's not worth expending any more energy on until the truth about his circumstances is fully known. Once you know more about him, and his personal situation, you'll be in a much better position to decide how to proceed ;-)

But until then - don't jump the gun and make any rash moves. . .because you may unknowingly jump right into the line of fire.; December 23, 2015 at 12:09 PM
Gem50 said...: @ Hopeful,
I don't think you are giving yourself credit and may be forgetting something.

He has no idea what is going on in your mind. He has no idea what your smiles and flirts mean. For all anybody knows, YOU could be messing with him.

I agree with Ms. Mirror, just keep doing your thing. You haven't handed over anything to him; you flirted a bit with him because YOU wanted to. Now that you've seen another side of him (flirting with others), you backed off because you don't want to waste your time with some guy who has shown by his actions that he's not to your quality.

YOU made the choice here, not him. I think you may have already won dear -- in ways you don't realize yet. :-); December 23, 2015 at 2:11 PM
Anonymous said...: @Mirror
Mirror, thank you for your kind words:-). Yes, ideally I should be able to behave as if there hadn´t been any flirting at all. In practice it will be more difficult though because as I know myself, as soon as he starts flirting again, I will be smiling or even laughing in front of the group making a fool of myself. And he will be having great fun at my expenseLOL. The worst is, however, that I felt good in his presence, so overall I will feel disappointed. And that´s perhaps something I should overcome - always feeling so disappointed over lifted hopes which lead nowhere. Maybe that´s my lesson to be learned in this situation. On the positive note, he helped me to divert my attention from the cyclist and boosted my feminine confidence (at least while I believed he was genuinely interested). By the way, I can´t wrap up my mind around the fact that I allowed myself to be carried away and read into it so much, especially taking into consideration that I didn´t even notice this man in the beginning let alone liked him - he must be quite experienced doing this with women I guess. And you are right, he will be attached. Well, I don´t think I will win because I have already lost in falling for his false "courtship" but on the other hand, I am single and if he is not, he is the loser, isn´t he?
Mirror, thank you again for your kind support and help. Christmas is here so I would like to wish you peaceful holidays full of happiness and joy. Have a rest if possible, take care of yourself and pamper yourself. Happy holidays to you (and everybody on this site too):-)
Hopeful; December 23, 2015 at 2:28 PM
Anonymous said...: @Gem50
Thank you for your comment:-). Yes, with hindsight (our first group meeting after the holiday break is next week so I haven´t seen him yet since then) you might be right that he (and the group) can´t be sure what exactly my smiling behaviour meant and that actually, I haven´t lost any battle:-). I am afraid that Mirror is right and he is attached and flirts with women for an ego boost (I have met quite a few attached men online who do the same). Or perhaps just for fun, he is an Aries after all (and almost six years younger than me but looks older - I forgot to write it in the previous post). I was lucky that I didn´t have to see him immediately after my "emotional swing" and have had some "safe" time to process my feelings and return to normal. From my experience when I behaved like this with men they were usually bad news. On the other hand, surprisingly, my gut is okay now and apart from nervous smiling I felt peaceful in his presence. In any case, I am curious myself how he will behave but hopefully, I will be able to keep my distance and an objective view.

I am glad to hear from you, Gem. How are you?
I wish you, Mirror and everyone a Happy (but really happy) New Year:-)
Hopeful; January 4, 2016 at 6:46 PM
Gem50 said...: @Hopeful,
I love your "(but really happy)" comment. I agree. Not just happy, REALLY HAPPY!!

I am fine, thank you for asking. I don't have any real news to share about dating, so I visit Ms. Mirror's site for reminders and support. I continue to appreciate the stories I read, as well as Ms. Mirror's outstanding advice. I still don't know how she does it! But there have been a few pieces where I've felt lately, "Wow! She got that one so right... AGAIN!!" lol

Scorpio still contacts me and we text as friends. Ms. Mirror said a long time ago that she believed he was hurt pretty deep at one time, and that it would take a couple years for a guy like him to trust. I think she got that right as well :)

I have been clear with Scorpio that I am not interested in FWB. I have been clear that I live my life open and honest and I will not be his dirty little secret. I've told him to let me know when he's single and when he wants to take me out on a date. I've been clear to make these statements without judgement and explain these are choices for me and how I choose to live my life, and not my attempt to change him. I also continue to follow my own path.

It's really been a surprise to me that Scorpio has not POOF'd for good, and he has said something three times over the past few weeks I found interesting. When I have rebuked his advances and attempts to make plans to come over for a "sofa date," or for the holiday, he has said something similar to, "Say yes, or just tell me to go fuc* off." As if he is looking for me to push him away. I'm not sure of his reasoning for this: could be so he can walk away without guilt and say to himself, "she told me to leave her alone," or it could be a behavior I've seen in children who are hurting and test, test, test to prove to themselves that they are right about the world and people they get close to who will abandon them, abuse them, hurt them, etc. Or, I could be totally wrong, I'm not a dr. But I've told him I'm not going to tell him that, or asked him why he tells me to say it. He makes a joke of it, but to Ms. Mirror's observation a long time ago about him, I think she's right.

Even so, the bottom line is whatever his issues are, however he chooses to live his life, it's his choice to live it. And it's my choice how I choose to live mine, and who I choose to share my life and body and soul with.

(continued); January 4, 2016 at 8:42 PM
Gem50 said...: 2 of 2
I began reading a book by Vernon Howard this week. It's the only one I could find by him on my Nook: The Magic of your Personal Mind Power. It's good, it's interesting. He suggested that the reader identify specific goals. Once we identify the goal and see the goal, then the path and experiences along the way to reach the goal will also easily be identified and experienced.

I thought of my goals and could only really come up with two: 1. To share life with a man in a partnership.... (that I couldn't truly identify in words) and 2. To retire from my current job in 29 months, walking out happy and content and moving on to my next path in joy -- and enjoying these last 29 months along the way.... (and this I COULD see what it looked like). Because I could see what #2 looked like, I realized why I am not achieving #1. I have been hoping for a damn pie in the sky! A damn pie in the sky to drop in my lap in the form of a man who has all his shit together, is healthy in mind body and soul, who builds/creates, is tall, hardworking, who will love me to the moon and back, cares for my needs as I will care for his, encourages my growth, blaa blaa blaa, a damn man with angel wings to just float down into my silly little life.... and then what? What does it look like after he arrives? What does life look like? How does it feel? I don't know, and that is a problem. How am I going to achieve a goal if I don't even know what it looks like when I reach it?

I can see very clearly what goal #2 looks like - very clearly. Today, I saw that goal in almost everything I did. I found myself saying to myself often and without thinking of it purposefully, "Is this part of your goal? Will this help you reach your goal?" If it wasn't, I stopped myself. If it was, I kept going. And it felt dead on right.

So, that's where I'm at outside of dealing with the everyday family stuff, car problems, home heating problems, work stuff, etc.

I'm not giving up, and coming here helps remind me where I was and keeps me on point with the work involved in taking care of ourselves. For me, a life time of behavior will not be changed in a year or two or three. I'm still at it!

Hugs for all :); January 4, 2016 at 9:13 PM
Anonymous said...: @Gem
I am glad you are doing fine:-). Scorpio seems to be a similar type of man as the cyclist. My update regarding him is that I responded to all of his holiday greetings but keep disregarding texts in which he asks me out. I have decided to do a slow fade by not replying to his invitation texts because I have already broken up with him several times in the past so the only thing I can do now is to slowly disappear from his life. I am done with him because I have finally understood this type of personality and sadly, there are more things about him that I find unappealing than attractive (although he is really great in some respects). He has been hurt deeply like Scorpio in his childhood and also later by divorce but it doesn´t excuse him for treating others poorly. I have understood that concerning women he can only be truly attracted to such who are like him - manipulative and abusive types who will teach him a life lesson (apparently he hasn´t learned his lesson from his divorce). Women like me aren´t appealing to him on a gut level because such women are too nice = weak in his eyes (which is far from the truth but he sees them that way because he has no idea what they are really like). So subconsciously or perhaps at a more mature age also consciously a man like him is looking for a "strong" woman who will put him in place. Whether he will be happy is questionable (I don´t think so) but he will get what he needs. He doesn´t know what love or loyalty or care is (we were "friends" but I don´t think he really understands what it means to be a friend). A good woman feels that and wants to "help" him. But he doesn´t need that kind of support. I have finally understood all of this and accepted it and that´s why I am moving on. Also, I think he will feel relieved that I have made this decision so he doesn´t have to feel bad about himself, so by disappearing I am actually doing him a favour. On several occasions I have noticed that when he behaved decently he was tired (unhappy) afterwards. Whenever he was disrespectful and hurt me he felt good. For me it was vice versa of course. No solution in a situation like this. In the light of my experience I guess what Scorpio needs is a good kick in the butt (he wasn´t lying when he told you).:-)

As for your desire no.1 - I think the most important is that you have it. I don´t think it´s necessary to be able to imagine your dream life with a good man if you can´t - details are not so important I guess, I firmly believe life will surprise you with such details you can´t even imagine now.

Yes, I agree we are definitely on the right path. I once again wish you, Mirror and all the ladies all the best:-)
Hopeful; January 5, 2016 at 1:01 PM
Gem50 said...: @ Hopeful,
Well, it will be Cyclist's loss if you remove yourself from his life for good. It's sad when anyone considers kindness a weakness. Kindness is a strength -- none of us should forget that :-)

I have to thank you. I've been thinking of your post the past couple days and figured out the following:
My ability to easily recognize actions for Goal #2 is due to something discussed when I first joined Ms. Mirror's online posse. Work is pretty much all business for me. I have a job to do, and I do it. So, it makes sense that my decisions at work towards my retirement goal would come easy.

Personal stuff is a different animal for me -- put those damn emotions and feelings in and I can really mess myself up. lol

I think one of the most valuable tools I've learned from Ms. Mirror's teachings is the skill of "hanging back." I think that is the answer to my Goal #1 dilemma. I think I need to just keep practicing my observation skills of people's actions who come into/leave my life while I continue to move forward.

Thank you Hopeful, have a nice weekend.; January 8, 2016 at 6:33 PM
Fire & Water said...: @Hopeful,
"As for your desire no.1 - I think the most important is that you have it. I don´t think it´s necessary to be able to imagine your dream life with a good man if you can´t - details are not so important I guess, I firmly believe life will surprise you with such details you can´t even imagine now."

I want to second Gem's thanks to you for this thought; it's very powerful! It reminds me that if we keep our goals clear, life will show us the path. Or, rather, a number of paths will be there for us. We need our observation skills to choose the right one.
Great discussion, ladies!
-F & W; January 10, 2016 at 12:39 PM
Anonymous said...: @Gem, Fire and Water
I am glad that you found my comment useful. Actually, it wasn´t completely my idea. I´ve read somewhere that "desires are our compass in life. They show us the right direction in life. All our desires have a 100% potential to come true because if they were improbable or impossible we wouldn´t have them in the first place". That´s why I wrote that it´s important to have a desire and the rest will solve itself somehow.

My update: The Aries chess player is really "playing" so it wasn´t my fantasy. Game onLOL. It was him who started it and I am playing too because I have no other option since I can´t leave the room! So far so good. We are flirting but more subtly than before (although I can´t surpress smiling, I just smile and smile at everybody and everything including the furniture). I never know what he will do, what facial expression he will make. It seems he likes me a lot, I guess I am his "type". Last time he waited in the office until the participants had left, then quickly put up the chairs on the tables (for the cleaner - I usually ask the team members to do it but this time I forgot) and silently left. I know because I saw him. He didn´t do it in front of me, which kind of moved me. I continue observing him and am wondering whether he will finally ask me out or not. But even if he doesn´t I like this man. He is quite unusual, very quiet, introverted but at the same time appealing in an undefineable way... I still don´t know if he is attached so I have no idea how it will continue if it does at all. In any case, this time (with all the information on this site and your kind support) I am not going to lose:-)

Have a nice rest of the week and don´t forget to keep smiling.
Hopeful; January 15, 2016 at 10:39 AM
Anonymous said...: Mirror and everybody,
my update with the Aries chess player. Well, as I already wrote, after Christmas he continued expressing his interest in me but more subtly than before. (At least I understood his behaviour as interest - nervousness, eye contact, checking me out when I wasn´t looking, etc.). Also, he was thinner and in good shape. He looked much better than before and I thought: Wow, I didn´t notice before how handsome he was!" As for me, I calmed down and stopped smiling continuously like a fool but felt strong energy between us. I found it difficult to look at him because the chemistry or energy or whatever you call it was extreme.Unfortunately, I didn´t learn anything new about this man because as you know the environment is strictly professional but once he said something about chess and that he was like a monk (?).After our previous meeting I returned to the office as usual when the participants had left. As I was entering somebody rushed past me towards the exit. It was him. For his own reason he didn´t want me to see him. I picked my things and walked out of the bulding. I noticed that it was raining so I stopped for a moment on the pavement to take my umbrella out of the handbag. Suddenly somebody sitting in a car parked next to the pavement hooted the horn briefly. I guess it was him. I don´t know for sure. It was dark and I couldn´t see anything so I didn´t even look, I continued walking. Then the same car started and sped away - it must have been him. Like an 18-year old. In the next meeting he was wearing a new shirt. I was a little inhibited because I couldn´t work out what to think. I guess I had overestimated the level of his maturityLOL. At the end of the meeting I asked the participants whether all of them would come today as we were suposed to finalize the project. They all said they would come including him. And today he didn´t come. The project has ended. Maybe we will cooperate on another one but I don´t know yet. Mirror, could you please tell me your opinion: Did I do anything wrong? Thank you very much, Hopeful; January 21, 2016 at 3:31 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Hopeful,
"Did I do anything wrong?"

I'm not sure how you could have. Most likely, he probably had some prior commitment or an emergency crop up.

One thing I would like to caution you against -- is creating something in your mind with this man that may not necessarily exist in the real world, outside of the mind.

For instance, he doesn't attend this meeting and you ask, "Did I do something wrong." That tells me that you're reading into the fact that he was missing and assuming his absence must have been about you - must have been about whatever is "going on" between you.

But in reality - there isn't anything definitive "going on" between you, ya' know?

As well, you're assuming the car that beeped and sped away was him, yet you don't know that for sure -- but you're already jumping to the conclusion that it was him, and that because you didn't acknowledge him, he got upset and didn't come to the meeting.

That may be true, it may not be. Point is - we simply do not know at this time, and therefore we cannot assume.

Just be careful not to build up too much in the mind about a situation that doesn't exist outside of it. Because you risk building something up in the mind, only to find that nothing happens in real life that lines up with that -- and then you're disappointed.

Try to avoid setting yourself up for disappointment. Stay firmly footed in logic and reality. . .and acknowledge the mind and it's current thoughts about this man for what they truly are at this point - wishful thinking, but not true reality just quite yet ;-); January 21, 2016 at 5:15 PM
Anonymous said...: @Mirror
Thank you for your quick reply. I agree, you are 100% right as usual. I read too much into this situation. Normally, I am cautious to do that, I quite can´t understand how it could have happened. The man got under my skin somehow. I guess what influenced me most were his facial expressions and his eyes - he looked so deeply and lovingly at me that I started to trust him. Now I am totally confused but there were moments when I was convinced he was genuinly interested. Whilst the truth may be that he was just enjoying himself while his wife or girlfriend was waiting until he came home. Another factor was that I am the coordinator so I didn´t communicate with the team on a personal basis and my mind had space to develop fantasies. My experience is that some men flirt with me without being interested just to prove themselves and since I am single and want to find someone I usually take them seriously. And then I am disappointed. And as I am writing this it occurs to me that perhaps those men who are a bit shy to flirt with me would be the right ones for me. With this man I wasn´t interested in the beginning and as soon as he sensed my interest the situation reversed. So basically, what you are saying, Mirror, is that I didn´t discourage him and if he is genuinely interested, he won´t disappear and pursue me.He has that chance. He knows where I am. If he turns up, great, if he doesn´t, good luck to him.

Mirror, I am sorry to bother you over and over again. I have been in such an emotional turmoil recently. I had quit online dating to rest. I had hardly had time to mourn the cyclist when this man got me down. I am very grateful that I can write to you. Thank you again. I wish you a beautiful weekend. Take care:-)
Hopeful; January 21, 2016 at 7:00 PM
Lottie said...: @Hopeful,

Take care of yourself and give yourself a big hug....It's ok.

I do feel what you are saying and completely empathise.

If it helps I went through something similar a few years back. A work collegue who I thought moved to sit next to me...was subtly flirting with me I felt. He was just gorgeous, had an Irish lilt and eyes that danced when he smiled. We talked as colleagues and he never shared the fact that he had a girlfriend.

He did nothing, except maybe ask if we should get a coffee together from the shop.....and when he knew he had me hooked he dropped his girlfriend into the conversation. I don't think he consciously knew what he was doing, but he wanted an ego boost.

He certainly got that...because he could see I was interested in him by now.

All those thoughts I had conjured in my mind, all that energy I wasted daydreaming about him...you don't get that back.

And thoughts are energy. And energy should not be wasted.

And as Ms Mirror says "Stay firmly footed in logic and reality. . .and acknowledge the mind and it's current thoughts about this man for what they truly are at this point - wishful thinking, but not true reality just quite yet ;-)"

I am a firm believer now, not to waste my thought energy. To me, it is the equivalent to physical energy.
So use that energy wisely.

It's hard not to, because it involves discipline and observing your thoughts and knowing that when they arise to sometimes having to knock them on the head, rather than fuel them.

We have I am sure all been there.

I just love this quote: "We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are"

Take care and best wishes to you Hopeful.

Lottie x; January 22, 2016 at 9:35 AM
Anonymous said...: @Lottie
Thank you for your understanding and supportive words:-). It´s a bit sad that we "meet" here on Mirror´s site more or less only when we have some problems. I am sorry that you had to go through a similar experience but on the other hand, experience is the best teacher (if you learn your lesson from it of course). Actually, to me something similar has happened a few times so with this man I tried to tread as cautiously as possible but... with the same resultLOL. And I agree with you, some men do it unconsciously, they simply feel good to get a boost to their ego. (This man doesn´t seem to be a bad person per se either). And we women end up disappointed. I think you are absolutely right - it isn´t good to waste much time thinking about these men because as you say thoughts are energy and there are much better ways how to spend our energy, e.g. on ourselves. That´s what I am trying to do at the moment. To refocus from him on myself. Also, I am trying to track down the moment when my focus shifted from me onto him (because in the beginning I didn´t even notice this man) but unfortunately I can´t remember.

Anyway, I am in a much better mood now than when I wrote here, thanks to both Mirror and you. It did help me a lot to communicate with you. Take care too and hopefully, our next exchange will be more optimistic.:-)
Hopeful; January 22, 2016 at 3:15 PM
Fire & Water said...: @Hopeful,
" My experience is that some men flirt with me without being interested just to prove themselves and since I am single and want to find someone I usually take them seriously."
Don't feel badly...I have this same reaction! With focused people like us, we take love as seriously as everything else...and when others treat it as a game, it feels odd, or even cruel. I second completely what Loretta said and add this thought: learning to not waste that energy on fantasies requires discipline... a lot of it! And discipline has to be learned and practiced. I say this as someone still in the process of learning, since it is precisely what happened to me with A I imagined more than there was. I think we have hope and we have romantic hearts...and also, there are so many stories in film and in print where this is encouraged. They say "oh, you knew he liked you and if in that moment, you had just xyz..if only you had done that, it could have been love". And the reality is that it isn't and it wouldn't. My goal for myself in my next experiences with men is to *not* allow myself to daydream about that person, to not think anything might be starting until the guy actually starts it, does it, creates it. Wishes and hopes about love in general? Those I'm keeping! :-) But about anyone specific? Not 'til ya prove it, pal. All flirting should be considered a game until it is followed by action on the guy's part. All dating should be considered temporary until he asks for permanence. I write it so easily....but it's so much harder to DO it! But we can. I know we can. Hugs to you, Hopeful! Remember in your low moments that you're not the only one :).
F & W; January 22, 2016 at 7:20 PM
Fire & Water said...: woops - Mirror - if you can edit comments, can you change 'Loretta' to 'Lottie' in my last comment? Sorry, ladies - I got my L's mixed!:p :); January 22, 2016 at 7:22 PM
Anonymous said...: @Fire and Water
Thank you for your insightful comment. I have to agree with you 100%. I think daydreaming about love and relationship is not bad, but as you said it becomes undesirable when it relates to a specific person. From experience I can say it is true. It seems that regardless your reserved behaviour on the outside the man in question senses your dreaming about him which diminishes his interest in you somehow. So yes, in the beginning phase of courtship the woman must manage her mind and emotions and allow the man to develop (or not) his interest in her freely. What we women perhaps don´t often realise (it has only recently occurred to me too) that this allowing and not counting on the man right from the start isn´t just to protect us and our feelings but it is also our "gift" to the man as he needs this freedom to feel good about us and himself. So this approach is worth learning and practising although as you said it isn´t easy to learn and master. We just have to connect more to our intuition, that´s all I guess. As both Lottie and you said, we must discipline our mind and communicate with the man more instinctively (actually I think that´s what men consider as "sexy"). I believe we all can master it, the most important thing is never give up:-) Basically, as I see it, at the beginning of dating in a man´s presence while you communicate with him verbally, with your body language, etc., at the same time it´s necessary to maintain the sense, the awareness of yourself (the focus is on you, not on him).

And don´t beat yourself up for any mistakes you have ever made. As you say, it´s a learning process and we are on the right path. When I look back on my experiences with men I now know that I haven´t met the right one yet although at that time I always thought they were the right one. Everything is still open...

Take care:-)
Hopeful; January 23, 2016 at 11:37 AM
Anonymous said...: @Mirror and ladies
I owe you an epilogue concerning the chess player. Today we had a final meeting to assesss the whole project. There were several teams (not just the one I coordinated) so I was in the audience now. Well, the chess player was there too. We met at the entrance and he politely greeted me with an expression of a dead fish. As if he didn´t recognise me at all. Wow, it felt strange. Where had his warm sights gone? He sat quite far from me and several times our eyes met but he definitely didn´t attemt to flirt. Nothing. Then after the meeting had finished, somebody had knocked my scarf off the back of the chair I was sitting on and as he was walking past towards the exit he picked up the scarf and handed it to me politely. I thanked him politely and looked in his face. He didn´t even look at me and left. So there you have it. At least I know that it meant nothing and can move on without any remorse. Wow, very strange experience. He had definitely been flirting before, I am not a fool. By the way, as I am writing this, I recall the dance trainer from last year who disappeared. I was so disappointed as he had lifted my hopes similarly to this man. And now? Now I can hardly remember him. So my intention is to forget the chess player as soon as possible and move on. Hopefully, in a short time I will hardly remember this experience too.

I hope that you all are fine. Thank you for hearing me. Look after yourselves and don´t let anybody spoil your good mood or happinesss. Have a beautiful end of the week,
Hopeful:-); January 28, 2016 at 2:46 PM
Anonymous said...: Thanks for posting this. OMG, you are spot on the money. I am a Libra married 5 years to Aries man and really struggling now that the honeymoon seems to be over and he seems to think he can treat me with disrespect... and when I get upset, he acts like I am the one at fault. He has a really passive aggressive way of trying to get me to do what he wants and it makes me feel like I'm gonna snap. And this is coming from a peace loving Libra. I don't quite know what to do because this all seems like a game... especially after reading this and I don't want to play a game. ..; February 10, 2016 at 9:15 AM
Fire & Water said...: @Hopeful,
I have been thinking about this "And don´t beat yourself up for any mistakes you have ever made." ...and I want to thank you so much for your kindness and concern! I don't believe I am beating myself up, but I also want to make sure the lesson sticks this time. If I have to give myself a kick in the keister or knock on the noggin to make that happen, I'm good with that. I can take it :) But, I'm glad for your reminder as well. It's a balance!

I also ran into this comment on an un-related website that I wanted to share, because if the phrasing: "the wonderful guys who finally conquered our hearts". That word "conquered" was an "aha" moment for me. We should be leaving men space to conquer our hearts, not giving our hearts away like an easy prize. Our hearts should be like a high summit, a trackless jungle, an island amid wide, wild seas: something beautiful and well-protected that men have to work hard to get to.
I think it's a good catch phrase to help me remember not to imagine too much too soon, but to wait for a man to do the conquering :)
F & W; February 11, 2016 at 12:09 PM
Anonymous said...: Hello. This question is open to Mirror or anyone reading this thread that wants to answer.

Has anyone had experiences dealing with an Aries ex whom they haven't had contact with in a while? Its been 6 months since we have spoke and I want to reconcile and be cordial.

The breakup was very messy and brief. There wasn't really any constructive conversation and the only time we met, we were both distant and argumentative. I, especially, insulted him on numerous levels. He initiated the breakup and I was very hurt by his insensitive approach. He commented that we could be friends but I was too affected by his attitude at the time. He appeared cool throughout.

I know a lot of people have told me to not waste my time reaching out to someone who has treated me this way. But half a year later, I have a new perspective. I have grown a lot from this experience and reflected that I wasn't perfect and messed up a lot too. I have been very good and have not contacted at all in 6 months. I feel like a huge problem between us was pride. And pride can certainly destroy relationships. He might not be worth it but I want to feel like I at least tried to make things peaceful. There isn't much time between us and I don't want to regret later. This person had a huge influence on me and was a friend for a while. I do still care about him and I am fine admitting that. I'm not the kind of person to cut someone off. I forgive and like to have harmonious relationships, it is the best way for ME to function (everyone is different). So despite the advice I have been getting to let go of him, I think I need to do what is best for me.

Anyways, has anyone had experience reaching out to an Aries ex, particularly? I know they appear to not care but some actually do. They do not like to dwell on the past. How is the best way to approach it?; February 17, 2016 at 1:04 AM
Anonymous said...: Hello everybody!

Dear Anonymous, I am an Aries woman. As far as I am concerned, I can stay friends if nothing bad happened between me and my ex. By bad things I mean harassing, cowardly acts etc.
Like you, 6 months after a breakup I could see things from a new perspective, so I contacted my ex (not Aries though). He didn't reply, so I cut him off for good (FB unfriending etc.). I had to move on and for me things are black or white.
I cared about him and I had to give it a last try. And I found peace, because I knew I had tried everything. Now I am ready to be friends with him again, but I would never make the first step towards him.
So I would say do whatever you feel like doing (sorry Moa, I know you don`t like women chasing guys), but have no expectations and don`t try to please the guy. Make sure you can handle rejection, rudeness etc. and if he doesn`t appreciate you doing the first step, then walk away. Your dignity will be affected, but at least you`ll find peace.
Good luck!; February 17, 2016 at 9:34 AM
Anonymous said...: @Anonymous 2/17 @ 1:04 AM: What I'm going to write is designed to help you to weigh the pros and cons of the situation--not to be mean. I understand that you've had the new perspective, and that time can really change things for a person. With that in mind, you may want to consider that your ex has already moved on with someone else or will not even respond to you or can think poorly of you and treat you as such...especially if the break-up was messy. Think about it: you're re-appearing after 6 months to extend an olive branch after a messy break-up? I know that you care, but did he actually care about you? I know from personal experience that once an Aries man is done with you, he is really, truly done. I would tread very, very lightly here because real closure cannot be given to you by someone else. It comes from your own acceptance of the situation and willingness to move forward. All my best to you.; February 17, 2016 at 1:31 PM
Anonymous said...: Anonymous,

I have an Aries ex, and was also involved briefly with one (non-exclusively) last year. In both cases, it ended very badly, as in bad fight and they said really mean, insensitive things.

However, in both cases, I never insulted them (I only expressed how I hurt I was).

That might be the reason why after maybe a year (?) later when I contacted the first Aries out of curiosity (and also like you, I also realized I messed up and wanted to make peace), we had a friendly conversation, he seemed to have moved on from whatever happened between us, and we're now Facebook friends.

With the second Aries, I went NC immediately after our fight. 7-8 months later, he resurfaced on the dating site (we met at a club) pretending to not know me.

He was hostile though, so I went NC again. A month later, he added me on Facebook, which I ignored. Another 8 months go by, he circled back and added me to his favorites list on the dating site but doesn't message. I took down my picture (as I started to date another guy), and days later he messaged me. I ignored it and just took down my profile when I became exclusive.

The feeling I get is, they don't care. They move on and they stop caring about the people in their past, unless there were some regrets on their part, or their ego won't let them.

The first Aries still cares about the ex he was with for 3 years; they still keep in regular contact. She's the one who got away and is now married. With second Aries, he just kept circling back because I kept rejecting him, LOL.

So, you can go right ahead and contact him... he'll likely be friendly since you have some history. But I think it's pointless to unless you want to hook up.

- Vivian; February 18, 2016 at 9:09 PM
Anonymous said...: @anon 2/17 1:31pm

Thanks for your response, it was insightful. I know he truly cared and we were in love when we were in love. We were friends for a year or so and then became best friends before we were dating. I really think pride got in the way and made us resent each other during the breakup. I also feel like he is changing and growing in life, figuring out things. Our relationship was also very bad timing. I am not trying to sound naiive, I do realize this could all backfire. Weighing the pros and cons is very good. I just believe the initial hatred of the break up is over and now it is just awkward. He walked by me the other day and sort of smiled. I just wonder if maybe he is not approaching me because I intimidated him and he is respecting my space. I am pretty sure he isn't seeing someone because I know how hard it is for him to get close to people and for other reasons.

I just believe that two people can reconcile after a while. I also am very forgiving and don't like to cut off those I was very close to. I guess my heart is too big!; February 20, 2016 at 12:28 PM
Anonymous said...: I really just want to get this off my chest about my Aries boyfriend that I've been with for over 6 years now. To start off I'm a Sagittarius and I've noticed when reading these forums not many sags stay with Aries men and I know why. They are absolutely so immature and bratty. When he doesn't get his way he comes the most cold and distant person ever. When that happens all I can do to make it better is kiss his ass which is something I will rarely stoop to which causes the tension to last even longer. Recently he got a higher paying job and looks down on me because I haven't decided what kind of career I want to do. I'm finishing up my bachelors degree and I'm terrified. Instead of comforting me and giving me kind warm advice, he speaks to me in a demeaning and condescending manner. He will call me lazy and that I lack ambition and say all of the things my conscious already eats at me about. As a Sagittarius, it hurts me when I can't communicate with anyone and I end up bottling all of my emotions while pretending I'm fine and dandy to everyone else. He's the only one who knows I'm hurt and he doesn't care. Even when I push him away and distance myself after his harsh words, he'll pretend our arguments never happened and will try to buy my affection back. This usually works becaus I'll thing "why would he buy me thing unless he loves me?" I have a Taurus moon and security and comfort make me stay. I'm not really interested in having sex with him anymore and when we do I'm just waiting for it to be over with. I liked to talk about philosophy and life in general and to him that's pointless and he rolls his eyes at me like my thoughts don't matter. He makes me feel so stupid and low but I can't bring myself to leave him. I'm terrified of being single and not having anyone even someone I can't stand. It's almost like he gets off on me being upset and hurt. Everything he says is a complaint and a whine. Despite all of this l, the thought of him with someone else kills me because I know he'd be able to move on quicker than I could. Idk just letting my thoughts meander.; February 24, 2016 at 3:56 PM
Anonymous said...: Weird, so my Aries ex keeps staring at me. We ended things on bad terms (messy breakup thanks to him of course)

I will see him at the dining hall and he will stare at me and my friend. Then when I look up, he looks away. He so dumb obvious, and I don't know what he's trying to do. He doesn't say hi but almost looks at me waiting for me to say it. This happens randomly. Once when I caught him staring, he looked away then sat down to eat. I guess he realized he was uncomfortable because he was too close to me, and immediately got up from his seat and moved.

So weird. Either say hi or look away. Not just stare. He also stares at my friends when I'm not even there with them. Not sure what to make of it, but I guess it doesn't matter because Aries guys are truly something else. I'm just curious if he's staring because I haven't reached out to him and it hurts his pride?; March 6, 2016 at 7:15 AM
Magnolia said...: Holy crap! This is a shot through the heart! Bulls eye! I'm a Gemini woman and yes my man is an Aries. Well, ex-man just recently. And what you have described about Aries male is SO SO terrifyingly accurate! :). He broke up with me and even if he crawls back at me I won't take him back. Him and all his lies can go straight to hell, and I will assure him that's a one way ticket! The game is on. He's throwing his game, bring it on!; March 6, 2016 at 1:05 PM
Anonymous said...: I met an Aries guy from Tinder and he was far from the picture being painted here (but then meeting someone just twice cannot show us who they REALLY are) he was polite,sweet,kind,generous,funny and incredibly smart! (March 27 born) All in all I found him really great to hang out with and that's why I met him for 2 days in a row ( also because he was in my town for just those 2 days) The only 'tantrum' he threw was when I paid for my cab in which I went to meet him. When I meet a guy initially I have no expectations from him but to respect my time and body. And he did both (wolf in sheep's clothing? Who knows) its been 4 days since he returned to his country ( was here for business) and we are in touch as in a friendly banter over messages.Neither of us are pursuing the other. He's an Aries then whats the matter with him? Did he not like me enough? Maybe has a girl back home he's pursuing? Or maybe I gave him an impression that I don't like him and I pushed him into the friend zone as I declined his indirect proposal for a fling/ONS? Right before he left we were even telling each other about our other Tinder matches and he was giving me advice on what to write to them! The thing is I really liked him and would want to take things forward with him. The geographical distance between us is a deterrent in my mind. But I at least want to know his view on it. How can I let him know I'm interested without coming across as unattractive?; March 7, 2016 at 11:06 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Mar 7, 11:06 AM,
"I met an Aries guy from Tinder. . .I found him really great to hang out with and that's why I met him for 2 days in a row. . .and we are in touch as in a friendly banter over messages. How can I let him know I'm interested without coming across as unattractive?"

You are ALREADY letting him know you're interested - you went out with him twice, and you're responding to him when he contacts you and staying in touch. You don't have to do anything else. (Because a woman that isn't interested will not accept a second date from a man, and she will not respond to his contacts or keep in touch with him afterwards.)

He's a grow man dear, he KNOWS what those actions from a woman mean ;-)

"The thing is I really liked him and would want to take things forward with him."

He has to want the same thing. And the only way a woman can know if a man is genuinely interested is to see if HE pursues HER. If he does, you have your answer. If he doesn't, then you have your answer.

Either way - you have your answer ;-); March 7, 2016 at 5:16 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi Mirror and Ladies,

I have an update on the Aries chess player. After the project had ended I didn´t think I would ever write about him to you but coincidentally, I am in a collaborative team with him again (not my choice). We meet once or twice a week on a purely professional basis in an office with about ten other people. This new collaboration started a few weeks ago and some people already knew each other so the atmosphere is more casual than on the previous project. In the beginning he was quiet, didn´t look at me much so I thought "game" was over. But gradually he started behaving... well, I am not sure how to put it... crazily. I´ll give some examples: He usually starts eye contact with me and looks lovingly(!) at me, sometimes smiles. If possible within the group setting he says something amusing and as everybody is laughing he looks at me (lovingly)to see if I am laughing too. In front of the others he behaves as if I was his girlfriend, he doesn´t hide his looks or smiles, on the contrary. To my knowledge he isn´t attached and doesn´t have children, he is a bachelor who likes chess, his freedom, travelling and mountain climbing. So to sum up his behaviour towards me - he keeps observing me and flirting. Now the bad news: He flirts with the other women too but always in such a way so that I feel as if I was his "number one". And he can be very silly. Once after the meeting I spent some time in the office so I left the building later in the evening. I was walking down the pavement when I suddenly saw him walking in the same direction a few metres in front of me chatting happily with one woman from the team (he must have tried hard to delay her to play this act in front of me and I noticed in her body language and reserved behaviour towards him in the next meeting that she was uncomfortable). So, as I was walking past them, he stopped and observed my facial expression. As if he was showing off to me that he could get any woman he wanted. Mirror, don´t worry, I don´t take him seriously or anything. It´s true that in the meetings I laugh about his jokes and despite his silliness I always feel good (energized) when he is present but overall, my emotions are under control (unlike the first project when I thought he was serious, quiet, pleasant... well, he is differentLOL. But I must honestly say, he is never rude, rather he is playful, youthful and...immature). At the last meeting, however, what he did was quite impolite. He was flirting with one woman (quietly but everybody noticed), suddenly she grabbed his pen or a mobile, I am not sure, so he got up from his chair, approached her and leaned over her back as she was hiding the thing from him. He wanted to get it back from her, so they were struggling for a while (everybody was watching with their mouths open, he didn´t care at all, the woman was giggling flirtatiously), finally he got the thing and sat down back in his place. The whole behaviour was rather physical, unapproriate for the working environment. Of course, it´s none of my business to judge how they behaved but I´d like to ask you as I feel he is acting out in front of me, how should I behave? He flirts with me, then flirts with other women in front of my eyes (at this point I am quite reserved although I smile at the whole room generally). His behaviour is disrespectful to me and the women as well. I feel he does it all to provoke my attention, also in this last case he fought with the woman for a while and then he looked at me to see if I was looking and how I was reacting. You know what I mean, you get the picture, he does this all the time. Needless to say, he has never approached me outside the office, let alone asked me out (and I doubt he ever will). Mirror, what would you do, how would you react in general? I would like to show him that I don´t tolerate disrespect but I have noticed that when I ignore him he behaves even more foolishly than before.; March 12, 2016 at 3:50 PM
Anonymous said...: Cont.
Mirror, thank you for your opinion and ideas. These Aries men really do have a childish streak, don´t they? Unbelievable.
Thank you again and have a nice rest of the weekend,
Hopeful:-); March 12, 2016 at 3:52 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Hopeful,
"In front of the others he behaves as if I was his girlfriend, he doesn´t hide his looks or smiles, on the contrary."

I'd call that flirting. I would not read into that as girlfriend treatment because girlfriend treatment would be announcing to others that you're a couple, sitting with his arm around you, holding hands with you in public, etc. Those are actions that a man takes with a girlfriend, while looks and smiles are simply flirtatious behavior.

"I´d like to ask you as I feel he is acting out in front of me, how should I behave?"

There's no need to change your behavior for this man. You don't need to behave differently at all.

"His behaviour is disrespectful to me and the women as well. I feel he does it all to provoke my attention"

He's an insecure, immature man that needs the attention of a LOT of women, as most normally do.

"Mirror, what would you do, how would you react in general?"

I'd have no reaction whatsoever and I would carry on with business as usual. Because a reaction is what this man is gunning for with ALL of you women. He's acting out for attention, much like a child, because he's insecure and immature and he doesn't know how to get it otherwise, as an adult would go about it.

He's not to be taken seriously, nor can any of his behavior be taken seriously. Because it's all for play and all for a reaction and all meant to garner him attention - much like a child. And you wouldn't take a child seriously if he wanted to date you.

Therefore, you cannot take this man seriously, because he's acting like a child :-(

If I were you, I'd attempt to wipe any romantic thoughts or notions about this man from my mind and I would simply view him and his antics as "entertainment" and nothing more.; March 13, 2016 at 10:59 AM
Anonymous said...: @Mirror
Thank you for your quick reply. Very helpful, as usual, because what I often do wrong with men is that I blame myself for doing something or behaving the way that puts them off while the reality you draw my attention to is completely different. What contributed to my self-doubts was also a remark of one team member, an eledelry woman who I overheard say that I am like an unconquerable fortress. So it seems the team is on his side, not on mine. I don´t care what they think but I feel a bit under pressure because he is perceived as a good sport while I as an uptight morone. But the group perhaps doesn´t realize that he is just playing and has never used a chance to approach me seriously. Never mind. Okay, as you suggest, I will behave neutrally and just enjoy him for what he can contribute, which is humourous remarks. Hopefully, he will remain sitting in his place next time instead of fighting with a colleagueLOL.
I wish you all a nice day, take care,
Hopeful; March 13, 2016 at 11:26 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Hopeful
Well, being an "unconquerable fortress" is actually a good thing. Because the opposite of that would be a weak fortress that's easily penetrable LOL ;-)

So take that as a compliment, because that's what it is.; March 14, 2016 at 5:00 PM
Gem50 said...: @ Hopeful,
I read the elder woman's comment last night and thought, "hmmm..."

Today I looked up "fortress" and found this: "a person or thing not susceptible to outside influence or disturbance."

So take her comment as a compliment, and be aware. If her comment was made to this silly boy-man, he may take it as a challenge rather than advice.

This might be a good lesson for both of you. For you: to practice observing and learning how these fools behave. For him: to witness a good and strong woman who sees and does not fall for his ridiculousness.

Who knows, maybe you'll see him grow a little right in front of your eyes.

Stay focused on your path girl. hugs :-); March 15, 2016 at 6:44 AM
Anonymous said...: @Mirror and Gem

Thank you for your kind words of support - I absolutely need them, especially today, and appreciate them so much:-). In today´s meeting I felt vulnerable and weak because I was tired (spring fatigue plus I´ve had a bad day at work) and I found it very difficult to cope with the team members. They watch me now and I try to be nonchalant which is exhausting too. You are right, you see the situation and him as they are. I can now see everything as it is, too. In my defence I must say that although this man is 45 years old he is so childish that I simply couldn´t have imagined what fool I was dealing with. He is really silly. And who is the biggest fool in this situation? Me because I (partially) fell for his tricks. What I still can´t wrap up my mind around is the way he looked at me - sooo lovingly (boldly and timidly at the same time), I really thought at some moments he was genuine. Obviously, I was wrong. Wow, I still can´t believe he pretended it all. The sights, the hints... The way he was "invisible" in the beginning, an introverted, shy chess player and suddenly he is a "tough" mountain climber, sportsman, etc. Thanks to you and your navigation I behaved cautiously, otherwise I would be an object of ridicule now.(Not that I would care because most of the people back him up so they must be similarLOL). I suspect that although he hinted he was single, in fact he is attached (as Mirror suggested right at the start) and he killed two birds with one stone: He had an ego boost plus he killed his boredom. And the worst is that now he behaves as if nothing had happened - he looks me in the eye with a stoic facial expression - well, he is a chess player, isn´t he. I can´t guess to what degree he really doesn´t care at all. On the other hand, it´s not my concern.
Thank you for your support again, I hope you are fine and in a good mood. Take care,
Hopeful

P.s.: For the whole world I can´t imagine I would choose a man in my surroundings and started flirting with him strategically, knowing from the very first interaction it would lead nowhere.
or pretends.; March 17, 2016 at 4:11 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi Mirror and everybody,
I have an update on the aries chess player. Not much to say, however, as he has been as cold as a fish towards me in our group meetings with some exceptions of humour and laughs within the group. But after all, the situation has turned out quite well because I know where I stand. I just want to return to the remark of the woman from the team who said back at Christmas she had seen him(?) with a woman and a child. Well, after our latest meeting I left the building earlier than usual. There´s a kindergarten at the end of the street. Lo and behold, as I was passing by I suddenly saw him outside the fence talking to a little child behind the fence, it seemed she had been waiting until somebody would pick her up, it was about 6.30 p.m. but maybe she could stay longer on that day, I am not sure as kindergartens usually close earlier. So there you have it - he will be (happily) married with a child. Mirror, your gut said it straightaway.

I think I have (finally) learned my lesson from this experience: Never to think much about any man when I don´t know him yet (let alone show him) despite his flirtatious/cordial behaviour towards me. I have made this mistake so many times and I knew I was making a mistake but couldn´t act differently. Hopefully, I will never be so foolish again.

Otherwise I have no news. I am having a break from online dating and just enjoying life as it is.

I hope you all are well and in a good mood.Have a nice weekend:-),
Hopeful; April 1, 2016 at 3:07 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi Hopeful,

The majority of men are players these days.

Enjoy life . Happiness is inside not outside .

Take care and best of luck!!; April 1, 2016 at 4:28 PM
Lottie said...: @Hopeful,
I am not alway active but i do follow. You have been anything but foolish. In fact, I believe you are someone with great integrity and intelligence someone who has a pure heart and is above the game playing that you have encountered.

I like you what you say about "enjoying life as it is"
Take care.
Lottie x; April 2, 2016 at 6:50 AM
Fire & Water said...: @Hopeful,
I second Lottie's comment! It's rotten to experience what you did - this fellow is quite immature ...and sleazy. At least you are learning from it and the experience that way - that positive outlook will always help you!
Keep enjoying life...and stay happy & hopeful! :)
Hugs!
F & W; April 2, 2016 at 3:39 PM
Anonymous said...: @Lottie
It´s nice to hear from you. How are you? Hopefully, all is well with you.
I appreciate that you think I am not foolish:-). A few years ago after quite a long time of total singlehood I started meeting men again and have had various kinds of experience. With this chess player it´s been somehow different and I am still confused about the whole (no)thing. Especially the fact that I let myself be sucked in although I didn´t even communicate with him outside the office. Mentally, I understand he has been playing with me all along (I didn´t write about all his mental tricks here but he was quite active not only in the office but outside it and also outside the building as well) but emotionally, I am still confused. I find it all absurd, almost surreal. And what is worse, I still have to interact with the same group including this man. I try to avoid eye contact with him because I am afraid he will again start his love bombingLoL. And then that horrible coldness will follow. My personal conclusion is that although at first sight he might seem okay, he must have some psychological problems because as I see it, his behaviour is not completely normal. And my gut tells me that he deliberately wanted me to see him with the child (fortunately, I was more or less prepared for something like that thanks to that woman´s remark) and I guess next time he will arrange it so that I will see him with his woman as well.

What I have learned from this is to be very cautious emotionally and keep a safe distance from men I don´t know well yet. Also, I am thinking, really, isn´t it better to be on my own (although feeling lonely at times) knowing that I am relatively balanced and normal and able to enjoy nice things in life? This man might be in a relationship, but I don´t think he can genuinely enjoy it. And that´s another thing I have realized: How pitiable and miserable these men who can play with us really are. Victims of their own ill mind.

I wish you nice Sunday. Take care:-),
Hopeful; April 2, 2016 at 6:22 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Apr 1, 4:28 PM,
"The majority of men are players these days."

Here's what that REALLY means. . .the majority of men are INSECURE these days.

As a result, they lack the confidence and social skills to win a woman over. So they resort to manipulation and game playing to do it instead.

When someone has to CHEAT to win -- it's because they don't feel like they've got the SKILLS to be a winner in the first place ;-); April 3, 2016 at 9:15 AM