Experiences With A Taurus Male

Taurus males. . .smoldering, sexy and attentive. But can it really be that good? Well, based on my personal experiences of 13 years spent with a Taurus man, I can say yes - and no. I guess it just depends on how "progressed" your Taurus male is and how submissive he may be to the stimulation of his five senses.

So before I begin, I'd like to state that there are many, many Taurus men out there that are wonderful husbands, lovers and friends. That being said, I'm sure that you are now guessing where I'm headed with this. . Yep - I'm delving into the "dark side" of the Taurus mans nature as many of my personal observations over the years centered around such activity. So my apologies to all you wonderful Taurus males out there.

Taurus folks, as many already know, are all about the stimulation of the five senses. When these stimulations are of a positive nature, they love music, good food, the outdoors, sensitive touch and all things sensually related.

However, Should A Taurus Fall Prey To The Stimulation Of Darker Senses

Lookout!

It's a folly of gluttony, abuse and self indulgence. Taurus males, in particular, can become steeped in drugs, alcohol, casual sex, gambling and the like. He may cultivate relationships, both sexual and platonic, outside of a committed relationship as a Plan B of sorts.

Taurus men are passive by nature and, being ruled by the planet Venus, that of love, romance and money, have a natural tendency to draw people to them rather than seeking people and relationships out. Taurus is all about security, I should know - I AM one.

Nothing pleases a Taurus, male or female, more than stability, a cushy living situation, and security, both financial and emotional. Due to that nature, a Taurus man generally will not act aggressively towards people or situations that secretly they wish to attach themselves to.

Rather, a Taurus man will somehow manage to draw those people or relationships to him. And our Taurus males, in particular, are very good at doing so.
Sextrology refers to the Taurus males motto being one of "I WILL". . . .have you in the palm of my hand.

And For Taurus Men, That's It In A Nutshell

Strong yet quiet, masculine yet sensitive, sexual yet unaggressive, these guys have mastered the technique. And once he's caved to stimulation of his darker senses this becomes one of his favorite pastimes. He'll spend many a day and hours of time cultivating "situations" that he will ultimately reap rewards from at a later date. Thus making all his time and effort worth it.

A Taurus man will place himself into environments where these situations are more likely to happen and he'll simply sit back and wait. He'll show up time and time again and do this repeatedly until he finally achieves the rapport he's been attempting to build. All the while, he'll be acting coy and clueless in an attempt to disarm you of any agenda you may think he has.

You see, for our Taurus male, that IS his agenda. . . .to disarm you (especially women) and make you think he has no agenda. He wants you to relax and feel comfortable around him, not threatened. And in order to do this he realizes that he must repeatedly make his presence known time and time again so that those around him drop their guard.

And once your comfortable and your walls are down, that's when the real work begins. His plan is now in motion and it'll brew at such a slow and steady pace that you'll be none-the-wiser.

Here's a Tidbit of Insight Into Your Taurus Man

He operates behind the scenes, always keeping his intentions guarded and others in a constant state of guessing. He is a man of reaction - not one of action. He forces others to play their hand before revealing his own, all the while, he's working his angle behind the scenes.

By doing so, our Taurus man leads a rather stress-free life. He hangs back in situations, being the master of all he surveys. This ones like a kid in the candy store of life. A huge appetite for pleasure, but lacking the inability to exert abstinence or self-discipline, he's all about the stimulation of the five senses. A come hither kind of guy. His lifelong goal is to be idolized, idolized, idolized - and worshipped by others.

Therefore, Taurus men play a rather submissive role in life and in relationships. If you ask a Taurus man where he'd like to go for dinner that night, most likely, his response will be, "Wherever you'd like to go." He's not much of a decision maker and, honestly, doesn't prefer to wear the pants in a love relationship. This behavior gets Taurus men farther in life and without much effort having to be placed into it. He finds that he usually doesn't have to fight for that which he wants. He waits, he watches, he evaluates. He's a strategist.

Once his goals are securable and within his reach - he charges straight for them. He's not a risk taker by nature. He plans and plots, waiting for his desires to ultimately reveal themselves to him. Our Taurus male tends to build his own small harem of worshippers in life. He may pal around with younger individuals that look up to him in some way.

He may develop a harem of female admirers on the side, of whom he will always refer to as only "friends. A dating pool of sorts, from which he can pull from at his leisure, if need be, or if his preferred stable relationship should happen to sour in his eyes.

And by souring, I mean - if you stop worshipping him and the idol that he envisions himself to be. So ladies, if you find yourself involved with, or gunning for, a Taurus male you may find one of the nicest, most attentive and sexual guys on the planet - or you might find yourself trapped in a sea of confusion and self doubt.

When dealing with a Taurus man it might pay to ask questions and study body language. Most important of all. . . .find out where's he's spending most of his time. That will give you a glimpse into his motives and the situations that he's attempting to attach himself to.

I'd like to hear from women who have had experiences with Taurus men. Where they positive or negative? Can you relate to any of this?

Additional Food For Thought

How, What, When To Text Men

He Is Not Into You: Relationship Red Flags

What Is A Player: Signs You're Dating A Player

The Disappearing Reappearing Man: What To Do?

Men Disappear And Reappear: The Aftermath

Women And Relationships: Reclaiming Your Power

Dating: What Does It Mean When He . .

What Is Nagging And Shifting Blame?

Experiences With Other Signs

Experiences With An Aries Male

Experiences With A Sagittarius Male

933 Comments:

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Formerly Sagg in Distress said...: ***Aphrodite Bull or Jay R please give feedback:

I have been on this site before sharing my roller coaster ride with my Bull whom I met 11.2011 on-line. He was fast at first--too fast asking by the 3rd week if I wanted him to stop seeing other women--I'm a bit traditional and slow to move so said no we've just met am still getting to know you--he felt rejected soon after moved away--I felt remorse chased after him- turned into the convincer--served to push him farther away-- he was/is not ready to be in a "real" relationship with a"real" woman. Nonetheless, I felt connected even with only having had one passionate kiss (great chemistry was obvious no sex again am traditional). I knew in my heart he was a good man at the core but like most Bulls complicated, stubborn, closed, with many layers to be pulled back before you can see the man at the core. Being a Sagg is synonymous with impatience,not much tolerance, and the need for adventure. He needs a PATIENT woman more than anything. For some reason I kept in contact with weekly texts to him and though he had essentially "cut me off"(no calls, no visits) more than a year ago he would always respond to my text even be nice when I exploded emotionally during the convincing/pushing stages. I never quite understood why.
BIG DEVELOPMENT: Within the last 3 weeks he reached out on a level that was SHOCKING! Initiated texts beyond the superficial saying his uncle had a massive hard attack and that he was "so scared" (his exact words!) and wanted me to pray for his uncle. Days after he opened up about issues he has with his mom not raising him and the belief that has affected his relationships. Even shared info about some financial difficulty he is having. WOW! Am still in shock because he is a PRIDEFUL man, one that thinks he has to figure it all out on his own. Now if that wasn't enough after 1 year of not seeing me he came over (talked for 4 hours) and shared he moved away from me because he felt that I would not accept him with fallacy, would judge and reject him. Says he doesn't know everything but working to be a better man. Said every time I threatened to never contact him again he thought in his head I'm not letting her go but only so far refusing to sever the cord. Told me I am special,different from any woman he has met, says he is attracted to me on so many levels. The next day he texted thanking me for letting him speak the truth without judgement; said it was a weight lifted and he still can't believe he shared so much with me; said he's never done that before. I don't know if this means he will move forward in wanting to date in the near future but I am hopeful. Should I be? Truth be told I am still in love with him and have not given anyone else a real chance. He has said he wants to see me more. Time and his actions will tell because he also shared he isolates himself when he is going through life toils. What does this all mean? Mr. Non-talkative was just the opposite in sharing his feelings when he came to my home. I am usually the talkative one. Does he think of me as simply a friend or more? When he left from his visit he hugged me, kissed me on the cheek and a soft kiss on the lips nothing sensual but still nice.
Please advise on if I should get involved again noting that even though I still love him I had distanced myself some emotionally. With him it's been a process nothing I've ever experienced before. I don't want to get wrapped up just to get disappointed again. In the past your advice has always been dead on. Thanks in advance so much for your feedback.; April 27, 2013 at 10:42 PM
Anonymous said...: @Sagg in Distress
Your story rings the bell! I´m a Sag too and my man is a Taurus. I´ve had a similar experience to yours with him. In my opinion when a reserved Taurus opens up, it´s a very, very good sign. In my case he started to be more open and trusting after a few months of dating, during which I continuously doubted his intentions.Then suddenly he changed 180 degrees and I feel he is seriously interested. I think the Sag - Taurus is quite an unusual combination but it´s definitely worth the effort. I wouldn´t change this man for anyone in the whole world.; April 28, 2013 at 12:03 PM
Formerly Sagg in Distress said...: @ Anonymous
Thank you...I am hopeful but guarded at the same time and want so much to be there for him.; April 29, 2013 at 1:39 PM
Leo Woman Liking Taurus Male said...: @MOA

Just thought that I would update you on what has become of me and the Taurus male, I posted back in January 2nd, 2013. So it turned out that all along this Taurus male has a gf the whole time. Where there any signs? Nop. Only the fact that we wouldnt communicate on a daily basis. It took me 6-7 months to find out and of course found out over fb. I told him to lose my number and that was that until I ran into him on college campus and I confronted him. He denied that he had been with this other woman in a relationship with her claiming that they were only friends just as me and him and that eventually things started gettin serious with her.. I looked at him like really.. so you both became serious when you both went wine tasting this past weekend because as far as I know we just had sex just a week ago... Anyways I ended the convo and walked away..

Ladies beware of Taurus men!! They live double lives!! If you don't want them when they want you then they will seek somewhere else and drag you along...; May 3, 2013 at 1:31 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi MOA, I posted here some time ago about my experience with a weird Taurus. We dated for a few weeks, no physical intimacy, almost no kisses, he was quite reserved. However, he often brought up the topic of sex but it was only a verbal exercise, as I understood later. I always told him I needed more time to get to know him. Then later I broke it off, you advised it too, by the way, because it was obvious it was leading nowhere. Now a few weeks have passed and he´s back. He´s been very courteous on the phone so I finally accepted his invitation and went for a trip to a different town with him. It was a surprise, I didn´t know where we were going. And it was something totally different to our previous dating. He was nice, romantic, caring, gentlemanly and much more open about his previous life, talked about his emotions, private life, no mention of sex at all, a true gentleman, etc. I don´t know how it happened, I am a logical woman and I didn´t expect much of him after the previous experience, I just thought it would be a friendly trip, but towards the end of the date I felt like I was falling for him and even like there would be a future with him! I was like drunk. At the end of the date he came nearer to me, leaned toward me, I thought he was going to kiss me, I even closed my eyes I guess and he only smiled and said he would phone me. After a few days he indeed did phone and asked me for another date but it was a last minute call so I politely refused. A few days have passed and I think he´ll call again but my intuition is very uneasy. I felt so special on the date but now I don´t seem to be feeling anything but confusion. Is he lying to me? Is it possible that he didn´t swallow the breakup and wants to prove to himself that he can get me? Does he want to be my friend only? Isn´t he impotent? Please shed some light on my situation and say whether I should give him a second chance. I know, it was only one date, but maybe you can already see what it´s all about. I wouldn´t like to fall prey to a man who will play with my emotions. Thank you in advance.; May 5, 2013 at 2:29 PM
Anonymous said...: i belive the leo above . i have known this taurus male for more than two yrs . only been to his house 1 time he say he not in the mood to entertaine. lol but he always want to come to my house . as leo did i told him BYE but he thinks im not gone ,well time will just have to tell; May 5, 2013 at 5:46 PM
Shanghai Lilly said...: hi... My Bf and I have been fighting non stop , both stuborn etc... i keep braking up because I feel thats the only way as when i express it lasts for that moment and I am promised all but as soon as i get convinced its back to normal. He always came after me when i broke up however I wanted space several times just to ckear my head, but he said he cant di that and we would grow apart which was strange to me even then... he said he wont do it. so hence i always went back but i felt uncomfortable in the back of my head and i feel thats why i prob was resentful and we fought bout anything and i kept braking up etc. so now.... i broke up with him because i am fed up with his excuses amd his stuborness and his argumentitive nature when he is found clearly at fault. by the way he is a taurus.... me capricorn... good match but this ugly side is quite crap to me. i wanna do the NC but I feel he will keep sending msgs and call and if i dont answer will come to my place. wat then ?

thank you in advance and thanks to everyone sharing their stories, some I can relate and makes me feel I am not alone feeling such way. (mean it in a good way); May 8, 2013 at 6:42 PM
Formerly Sagg in Distress said...: Update...Taurus Male, Aphrodite Bull, Sagg/Taurus Pls Give Feedback

My Bull has really started to open up and told me a few days ago he owed me an apology for not being the friend he should have been to me. Said he comes with no words only that from this point forward his actions will show me that he sincerely wants to be there for me. Shockingly he said he was ashamed of himself by letting his own issues/frustrations isolate and keep him from being the friend I deserve. He kept saying "I love you to death" and "you just don't know" but would then stop himself from expressing more completely. Because of that, I'm not exactly sure what he meant by that perhaps only deep appreciation for the friend I have consistently been to him. If Aphrodite Bull or a Taurus male can shed some light that would be great. Immediately, after this conversation he showed me by his action he is serious. I will be having an out patient procedure done and he offered to take me to the hospital, stay while I am in surgery and then take me home. He will take off work to do that and I am floored at the offer though not sure I will take him up on it. He has really come clean about his money issues and career frustrations which I know was so hard for him to share with me or anyone for that matter. I have offered to help financially for the ER things that he needs to take care of if he allows. I made sure to approach the subject very sensitively as my Bull is a "man's man" and likes t figure things out on his own. It is important to note that since we reconnected there has not been any hanky panky. We have never had sex only soft kisses on the cheek or lip when we greet one another. With that said do know we are very attracted to each other. Please tell me what you think of this, does he only sees friendship or if he feels more. One more thing, he shared (I think almost by mistake while talking) that he had spoken to his cousin about me and how he needed to show me he would be a good friend. Can't wait to hear feedback.; May 13, 2013 at 6:48 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Formerly Sagg in Distress,
Honey, there's no real question to answer here. You're seeking an opinion and it's really one that I cannot give because only time spent can reveal that.

You're simply going to have to spend time observing him and his actions to decipher his intentions.; May 14, 2013 at 8:26 AM
The Irony said...: I agree with Mirror of Aphrodite. If you want a Taurus man, eraf the book "Why men love bitches". That's exactly how I got mine.; May 16, 2013 at 3:17 PM
Formerly Sagg in Distress said...: Aphrodite Bull

Thanks I will do exactly that-observe his actions and decipher his intentions. I hope to report good progress and positive news in the coming months.; May 16, 2013 at 3:45 PM
Anonymous said...: Post this question, but unsure if you got it....

Quick question...

Please explain why Taurus men blow hot and cold...I know they're known for this.

I've known a taurus for a bit, but never saw him in that way, also because he had a gf (they broke up some months ago). After our softball game Monday night where our teams played against each other, we all ended to a bar for some drinks. There, he monopolized me and spent the entire night talking to me. Literally we turned around and the bar was empty...no one was in there anymore. I asked about his ex and he stated they broke up because he just didn't feel the connection with her. We left and didn't exchange numbers, as I won't pursue a man.

I saw him again on Fri...and he was talking with some friends. However, he just gave me a head nod and wave as a hello, didn't spark convo with me, and didn't say bye to me when he left -_- LOL. I was like oookaaay...this is weird.

SoftballScorp; May 19, 2013 at 11:46 AM
Anonymous said...: Sagg n destress that sounds Just like the Taurus make i have been talking to . financial issues ER bills job and all WOW; May 22, 2013 at 1:10 AM
Anonymous said...: Hey I am a Virgo and I have dealt with two taurus men before. I can say overall they(some) can particulary sensitive, but then that depends on the environment they grew up in and etc. My issue with these particular taurus is that yes they seem to always want to have a case to prove it's kind of like " I am the male, let me take care of you and handle things". My issue is lets be a team/partnership. One in particular in front of their peers they tend to be one way and play this mind game with ppl to have them in their backing corner no matter their own mistake or part in case things go sour.In the end charming: Yes Loyal: Depends on whats going on in their life. Honest: Yes -just enough to make you comfortable. Cons: sometimes don't know what to say. Have to be in charge.; June 3, 2013 at 3:07 PM
Anonymous said...: I went for the jugular with my Taurus friend after I mistakenly thought he had pulled a disappearing act but found out after the fact I was wrong. Of course, by that time I had for lack of better words "gone off" on him using what he shared in vulnerability in attacking him. I am so sorry and regretful and do no want to lose him when he had just started to open up around me on some many very private levels. I am a Sagg and you know how cutting our words can be period and in anger it goes to another level. He said he could not be around me "after having bashed him and I did that" were his exact words. He wouldn't even accept the birthday gift I bought him saying he "don't need anyone doing anything for him and then risk them throwing it up in his face." I have apologized over and over again but he won't talk to me or respond to my texts. I feel so bad and sad and explained it was the hurt talking and I didn't mean any of it. I didn't realize that they can be so extremely sensitive with such a hard exterior. And let me say that he did not handle the situation well which is why I thought he had disappeared in the first place and to that end he admitted his part and even said he deserved it and more BUT cannot get passed this. He is having financial strain and I threw it in his face during my attack. Please tell me what to do. I keep texting but he won't answer. I can't lose him.; June 6, 2013 at 7:08 PM
Anonymous said...: @Anonymous June 6, 7:08 PM
I am a Sagg too and my boyfriend is a Taurus. When he feels offended, he can sulk for days or even weeks. You have apologized, so now it´s his turn. However, he will most probably continue sulking. I think the best solution is to let him be for a while and when you feel free from pressure, just send him an innocent message like "How are you, I am fine, there´s a good film on, wouldn´t you like to see it?" I am sure that he´ll respond positively, he just needs some time to swallow the feeling of hurt. Good luck!; June 7, 2013 at 2:42 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi MOA, I´ve been dating a Taurus male and he has told me to feel free to contact him whenever I felt like doing it. I am an independent woman and it is okay for me me to take the lead from time to time. However, I try to pursue not more often than about 50 % of the times we meet and let him initiate and make plans the other 50 %. So far it´s been working. Whenever I propose something, he is willing to join me and do what I suggest. My question is whether you think it´s risky for me to continue initiating like this despite the fact that the relationship has been progressing fairly smoothly. We´ve been together for 7 months and I have behaved in this way since we met, for instance he asked me out the first time and I invited him the second time. The reason I am asking is the fact that I made a lot of mistakes in the past and you recommend not initiating... Am I asking for trouble? Thank you for your advice.; June 8, 2013 at 3:16 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous,
Yes dear, to an extent I think you may be treading a fine line here - one that could easily tilt towards him taking you for granted. Because unfortunately, it appears that being too available and too "nice" with men tends to invite poor treatment from them (being taken for granted) and they become lazy about the relationship then.

However, if there isn't currently a problem and nothing's broke - then don't try to fix it. Don't create a problem where there is none.

Continue with the balance you've created and deal with any potential problems only when and if they arise.; June 8, 2013 at 4:57 PM
Anonymous said...: @Anonymous June 8, 3:16 PM
Thank you very much for your encouragement. I´ve read your blog and it´s full of wonderful advice; I´ve already applied some. I must confeww that unfortunately, I´ve never persevered with NC. I´ve started it but I always surrended and contacted him. It´s helped though and he changed his behaviour. But on the whole I can confirm that Taurus men are relatively passive and they quite often expect the woman to make the first move, not bacause they aren´t manly enough but rather because it´s their way of relating.; June 9, 2013 at 12:05 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi, I'm a scorpio seeing a Taurus guy. I have a different situation and I'm trying to decide if I'm more of a booty call or my Taurus guy really likes me.

We've been seeing eachother for a year now. We text every day and mostly all day long. We've only gone out (date) a couple times. We do heavy heavy flirting via text. He is very busy with work but I've been saying we need to make time to spend together. It is just not happening. Although we get together from time to time for some "fun".

The other thing is, he got me in a part time job that he has. So he wants me around and texts all the time. He got me in his circle of friends. He is very protective of me and can tell he wants me taken care of and happy but yet he's not giving me more.

I'm very confused by him. He has been very slow with the affection and doesn't take me out but at same time he is attentive(Some days not), protective and takes care of me.

Any comments is really appreciated! :); June 11, 2013 at 3:43 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous,
The description you provide about the energy of the relationship between you amounts to a "casual" relationship dear.

"We've been seeing eachother for a year now. . .We've only gone out (date) a couple times."

"We do heavy heavy flirting via text."

"I've been saying we need to make time to spend together. It is just not happening."

"we get together from time to time for some "fun"."

"he's not giving me more."

"He has been very slow with the affection and doesn't take me out"

That's a "casual" affair - it's not dating - it's "hooking up" which is entirely different from dating. When dating:

1) The man actually takes the woman OUT ON DATES.

2) He makes time for her.

3) He has a desire to spend time with her both inside and outside of the home.

4) He is consistent in the attention he gives the woman.

5) The relationship "builds" towards something.

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but this is a casual hook up at best dear :-(; June 11, 2013 at 3:58 PM
Anonymous said...: Thank you for your comments. Yes I can see it as described as casual hookups.

It just feels more than that due to the constant communication and he brought me into his inner circle with the job we work together. It's not like we just hook up and that's it. It's just very confusing...; June 12, 2013 at 9:50 AM
Anonymous said...: to scorpio above you cant think he is all about you when he has a circle of friends he got to give them booty calls also. i cant understand why women allow man to treat them that way when the woman has all the power . us it dont give it to a sorry man . my goodness; June 12, 2013 at 10:41 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Scorpio,
"It just feels more than that due to the constant communication"

It "feels" like more because you're emotionally involved. And regarding the constant communication, while nice, it's still just a bunch of words. When dating, ACTIONS speak louder than words. And action would involve actually invitations for dates and outings and special treatment.

"he brought me into his inner circle with the job we work together"

That's work related dear. He's being civil there and you can't lump it in with dating him as it only applies to work and not your personal relationship with him.

"It's not like we just hook up and that's it."

Hmm, I don't know about that one dear. I think you're reading into this a bit too much. Because all I see here is a hook up:

"We've been seeing each other for a year now. . .We've only gone out (date) a couple times."

One full year and only a FEW dates and no request from him for exclusivity and/or a commitment??? That's a red flag.

"We do heavy heavy flirting via text."

That's purely sexual in nature - i.e. "hook up."

"I've been saying we need to make time to spend together. It is just not happening."

If it were true that that you didn't only hook up, then things would be progressing by now, one year into it.

"we get together from time to time for some "fun"."

That just SCREAMS hook up dear :-(

"he's not giving me more."

Yet you claim you don't just hook up?? If you did more than simply hook up - then he'd actually be giving you more.

"He has been very slow with the affection and doesn't take me out"

Doesn't take you out? Again, hook up :-(

I think you need to put all of this into perspective dear. You're reading into a hook up scenario and your confusing it with dating. Hooking up and dating are two different things and you can't read more into it than it really is.

If this were more than a hook up, after one year of involvement, he'd have asked you for a commitment by now and made those intentions clear. He'd have also told you he was in love with you by now. Not that "he loves you" - but that he's IN LOVE with you. You can love your brother and sister and mother and father and friends - but being IN LOVE is entirely different.

If a man hasn't asked for a commitment by about the 6th month of dating and he hasn't expressed any feelings for the woman by then, such as falling in love - then he's not going to dear :-( A year's time with someone is plenty of time to know whether or not you want to be with them. And if he's not expressing that in any way, shape or form - it's not a relationship and a relationship is not going to happen most likely :-(; June 12, 2013 at 11:06 AM
Anonymous said...: Ok, Thank you so much! :); June 12, 2013 at 2:04 PM
Anonymous said...: I talked to a taurus male for 2.5 years he has been going though alot but i couldnt take it anymore so i lefted .He told me i was his angle but i dont know what he ment. But i still pulled back its been almost a week of N/C Mirror what do you think that mean?; June 12, 2013 at 10:03 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm a pisces in a relationship with a Taurus for 4 months. We met like 2 years ago and he was into me right away, i didn't take it serious and played it off also because i was in a relationship at that time. I kept seeing him around and he always kept looking at me i guess pulling me in. After i notice not seeing him around anymore, as i found out later he had moved, i went to look for him online. I found him and we had casual contact nothing serious nothing loving as he knew i was in a relationship. After a year and few months passed, the relationship i was in ended. I was single and TM popped in my head that we haven't spoken for awhile, i send him a message to see what was going on with him and we had short chats like normal. Round december things got more personal. We chat like before and he asked me for my number and he called me right away, we were still not living in the same city. As soon as we started talking and even that night it felt like something magical happen i guess the Taurus spell. From since then we had contact every day! He wanted me to come and see him and didn't want to take no for a answer. I had nothing to lose so i went and see him, it was our first time seeing each other after 2 years, he treated me like a queen, i had nothing to worry about. Somethings did pop up when i was at his place of another female and even a text. But he explained to me that it was a ex and he had disappeared on her after seeing her with another guy. He said that she probably got the word of me being there and now she wants him back. I didn't make it a big deal out of it seeing that we just started seeing each other. When i had to go back it was the hardest thing to do not knowing when we will see each other again.nnAfter a month and a few weeks he was able to come to me and in that time from the day i left him we had contact every single day. There was no day that we didn't talk over the phone or message each other. In the mean time i also got to know his family and he had made it clear to them that i'm his girlfriend. When he came back to be with me, we were together everyday, even though we argue everyday and it mostly came from me, because i wanted everything to be perfect and how i had in mind and i was not happy with the fact of him abusing my kindness from time to time. nnWhen i found out that he was talking to one girl in a way how he talks to me. I was furious and could not believe he could do something like that, i just didn't understand it. I felt so betrayed and my trust in him was damage. He confessed about the other girls. He deleted them from his phone and i decided to move forward from this as i wanted to make this relationship work. We moved on but still had a lot of arguments and again coming from me a lot and not feeling the trust was there. I would sometimes ask him if he still has contact with these girls and he would say no. I even went through his phone to check and i didn't see nothing. But recently i got this feeling because he was still keeping his phone close to him and i decided to check his online messages instead and there it was again, he was still talking to the same girl, telling her he's not with me and she didn't believe him but he was trying to convince her. And there were a few more.; June 13, 2013 at 12:15 PM
Anonymous said...: I just got into a rage again, i left went home and he came after me, when i reach home he was at my door 5 min later. We talked/argue and he apologized and admit that he had make a mistake and explain that it was the old him coming back and he thought it was gone. I then even suggested for a time apart so he can have his freedom and do whatever he wants to do but he didn't want that. Saying he would miss me too much and would not want to go back how he used to be. So we decided to make it work, but i was still very upset. He stayed over by me and didn't go to work the next day he decided to spend the whole day with me, but that was short after i notice he was charging the phone and that pissed me off because thats where it all started so why does his phone needs to be charge when your trying to make things work for us. We had a big argument and it ended with him leaving in a rage and he then send me a message saying f.. love and to leave him alone etc. He wanted me to untag him from the pictures we had and i gladly deleted them all as for me it was over and done. At the end of the day when i cooled down i did start missing him, but i stayed strong and stubborn and didn't reach out to him. The next day i had think about the situation and decided to be the bigger person and reach out to him. I asked him to meet me so we can talk and his answer was ok baby. I knew he wasn't mad anymore. When we talked he explained to me the reason he reach out to these girls is because we argue so much and he doesn't feel like he can talk to me. I felt bad because i'm not that kinda person and i don't want him to feel like that. We was gonna change that. I also asked him to delete/block these girls so this will stop and he would get defensive about that every time i bring it up. He also told me that it's nothing serious with these girls, he doesn't want to be with them. I just didn't understand that he could not see that he broke my trust and for him to get it back he will need to be open with me but he claims he has a privacy. Thats when i started searching about Taurus cheating and i end up here and it was a sure eye opener. I understand him more and i would not even make it all a big deal. If i know that i'm really his girl and not just one of the ones he talks to. Because besides all that and the arguments we have a great relationship, when we good we are very good it's just me and my trust issues with him now that keeps bringing it up. nnAll i want to know is, is he serious with me or is he playing games with me. Because i am willing to make it work if the talking/flirting with the girls thing is the only bad Taurus side he has. I do feel if i accept that for now it will eventually blow over as he will be happy with me and he has no intensions to reach out to anyone else. It's not what i'm used to but it's basically a wake up call for me to also get my act together and not argue as much. He always say to trust him and love him. He never did the disappearing act on me. He even told me once that he's still here with me because he wants to make it work, he has been in relationships before that he just left like that. But he's showing me that he's still here. I'm seeing that we can make it work but i don't want to mess it up by missing the chance to be really happy and in love with him. He always talks about the future, marriage and children. I also have to make clear every free minute he has he spends it with me. Or makes sure to message me or Skype if he cant come and see me. So he does make sure that we stay in contact every day. One time i went home straight from work and he didn't like that i didn't come and see me. Please help me out so i can know what to do :/ Would also like a Taurus
man help if possible. Thank you; June 13, 2013 at 12:16 PM
Anonymous said...: @ June 13, 2013 at 12:15 PM

I think you may be misinterpreting the article a little. The article doesn't say a Taurus man in a committed relationship has a harem of women around him....rather it says when you are in the initial dating phase with a Taurus man, he may have admirers.

When a man loves and commits to you, he does not contact other women. Do you see what he did? he is blaming YOU for HIM being dishonest and you're now actually accepting it. Doesn't he have family or friends he can confide in if he can't talk to you? You've mentioned that you saw some of these texts and he was trying to convince a woman that he was not with you. BIG RED FLAG.

Why will he suddenly stop contacting these women (and possibly hooking up with them?). Has he had any consequences for his actions? No. you keep going back and actually apologizing for his bad behavior. So unfortunately he will keep repeating it and will continue to push the envelope to see what he can get away with..; June 13, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Anonymous said...: @June 13, 2013 at 12:54 PM

Ok i see what you mean so in that case what should i do, leave him? Is that the consequence to give him.

No he's not that close with his family or friends to talk too. I notice he enjoys spending time with me and calms down. At his family its always a war zone and towards his friends he doesn't want to show any weakness.

I don't want to apologize for his bad behavior, it's tearing me apart because normally i will never put up with these things, but i'm tired of running off and have no relationship to work. I feel we have a good connection and we can make it work as we can over come this issue i just need to know how. I'm not perfect and he is not either so instead of just letting this die, i want to make it work.
I also told him numerous time that he is not ready for a relationship and if he wants his freedom i will not hold him back i will understand that. As he is still young and younger then me. He disagrees with me and says he wants to be with me.

I just want to make a choice so i can either move on with or without him. I have no problem being alone as i have been single for long periods of time. But at the same time i feel its time to put effort in a relationship instead of just calling it quits because he's not perfect. The relationship just started and we basically still in our dating phase and with these actions i feel like he is showing me that he is not ready to be committed even though he treats me like his girl.; June 13, 2013 at 2:37 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous,
"i'm tired of running off and have no relationship to work."

This shouldn't be an issue dear. You don't "need" a man in your life and if you're settling for less than you deserve just to keep on around, then that's a sign of co-dependency.

"we can make it work as we can over come this issue i just need to know how."

WE? No - HE needs to work on this, not YOU. HE is the one misbehaving, not YOU. HE is the one with the issue, not YOU. This is HIS problem to overcome as HE is the one who created it, not YOU.

You can't "fix" people dear. They are who they are and nothing YOU do is going to change who HE IS.

"instead of just letting this die, i want to make it work."

That's great. But it won't work if he isn't working at it - it takes two. You shouldn't be attempting to carry the weight of this entire relationship all on your shoulders without any effort from him being placed into it.

"He disagrees with me and says he wants to be with me."

Yea, but those are just WORDS. His ACTIONS are SCREAMING something else - and ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS.

"i feel its time to put effort in a relationship instead of just calling it quits because he's not perfect."

It's one thing if someone's not perfect - but it's entirely something different when cheating, lies and betrayal are involved. That shows a lack of character, loyalty and integrity in him - all of which are needed for a healthy relationsip - and none of which he has.

"with these actions i feel like he is showing me that he is not ready to be committed"

Then there's your answer. You haven't invested that much time into this as you've stated it's still in the early dating phase. If he's acting this poorly this early on. . .BIG RED FLAG dear.

Walk now. If you stick around, you're going to find that this man is not going to change who he is and you're going to really get hurt here :-(; June 13, 2013 at 4:29 PM
Anonymous said...: @MOA

Thanks for the reply,
It's not that i'm desperate to be in a relationship but i just want to make it work instead of just giving up and yes it's not me that has to be caring all that weight on my shoulder. Well i've been thinking and i decided to tell him to take time apart so he can think about what he really wants. I can't deal with all this stress and worry if he is or not talking to this girls again. As long as he can't show me a change this how it will have to be. Because him being stubborn is what im dealing with right now. He wants to be right and selfish and not think about me and our relationship. I'm not gonna put up with that. Like i told him before i deserve better and yes he treats me good but not good enough to do be disloyal to me. I always say no need to buy me things or buy my love just be loyal and honest to me.; June 13, 2013 at 4:59 PM
Anonymous said...: It's Anonymous June 13, 2013 at 12:15 PM again

MOA is right on!

You need to distance yourself from this man and let him work through his demons, if he ever will.

Re this:
"i decided to tell him to take time apart so he can think about what he really wants"

A recurring theme in your posts is the fact that you're putting all the power in his hands. Do what is best for YOU and being with a man who will lie and carry on with other women is not what is best for you, I will assume.

Go with his actions girl. He has proved himself to be untrustworthy and the "consequences" for his actions is that he doesn't deserve you so you distance yourself from him.

This is of course your decision to make so you can decide to let him know you're taking time apart but if it was me, all he would hear is crickets chirping off in the distance when he tries to contact me. 30 days at least for this disloyal man. Get some clarity for yourself! He may change during this time and show you that he is genuinely interested(which is a big
maybe) but let him work to deserve you.

I hate that he actually tried to blame you for his actions. SOME MEN! Very immature.; June 13, 2013 at 6:20 PM
Anonymous said...: @ June 13, 2013 at 6:20 PM

Thank you for your reply.

As soon as I read your message I decided to indeed ignore him, he just send me a message with a hug and I didn't reply. I ignored him before and he will be calling me and texting me like crazy and come with sad stories I know the same thing will happen again.

He has no clue why I would ignore him at this moment because we were ok for the day.

My question is though what to do when he comes at my place asking me why I'm not talking to him. Shall I tell him what's my reason or just continue to ignore him.

I know I've been to nice for this guy and he just mistreated it.
Right now he's calling me and I'm not answering. I have to say its very hard not to do so but I have to stay strong.
This will indeed show if he's willing to change for me, if he really loves me how he claims then he will not get so defensive when I asked him to delete/block these girls. And even if he does I will keep wondering when the next group will come.

As long as he can't be open with me and show me that I can trust him instead of just his damn word then we can't be together. He needs to realize that the hard way now because I'm tired of talking and being patient.

Another thing that got me thinking was that I think his name is Jay was saying that if we don't show a TM enough love he will go look for it somewhere else well I showed this one enough love but I would not tolerate for him to walk all over me and use me. I help him out all the time and it even got me frustrated. I need a man in my life not a boy, I need someone to add onto my life and not make it worse. I made this clear to him several times. But it's like when I talk its nagging to him. So I just tired of talking right now. Like you said I will do what's best for me even though this part is hard right now to ignore him I'm saying it honestly because I do have feelings for him and that don't just shut down like that. I just keep reading your reply and the other ones.; June 13, 2013 at 10:15 PM
Anonymous said...: He has no clue why I would ignore him at this moment because we were ok for the day.

Oh he will know. He will recap everything that has transpired between you and will come to a realization. Men KNOW when they have misbehaved. He probably breathed a sigh of relief when you accepted him back with open arms and he didn't have to take any accountability for his actions.

My question is though what to do when he comes at my place asking me why I'm not talking to him. Shall I tell him what's my reason or just continue to ignore him.

No contact means no contact. You don't owe him any explanations. Letting him into your place = contact. If he finally has an epiphany sends an message apologizing and asking to talk, then you can do that but you need to let him talk and listen...see what he is remorseful for and what changes he is willing to make and then OBSERVE if he follows through.

The point of No contact is give yourself room to think rationally and decide on what you want. I wouldn't go back to this guy (yes- I know it's difficult. He may very well never apologize or ask to talk but if you decide you want to give him a chance, you can "tap" him after your no contact period and take it from there. OBSERVE HIS ACTIONS. TREAD CAUTIOUSLY.; June 14, 2013 at 2:27 PM
Anonymous said...: I´ve decided to contribute my two cents on Taurus man although they aren´t directly linked with the latest posts.

What has happened to me. I met a Taurus male online and I liked him. I thought it might lead somewhere. He was consistent, we met regularly but he put a lot of pressure on me to be what he wanted a woman to be, at least I felt that way, so we argued a lot and finally broke up. I was sorry about it because generally we got on well and he seemed a nice person. That´s why I contacted him after some time - you know, I am an impatient Sagg, so I couldn´t wait for too long - and asked him whether we could continue going on hikes as friends. He agreed so we continued meeting regularly as if nothing had happened between us and I put up with the fact we were and would be friends only. After about next three months of going on trips and behaving like friends he once tentatively kissed me on the cheek to say goodbye.I kissed him on the cheek too but diddn´t consider it anything special. All the time we´d been meeting I had been stressed out at work, so I was greteful to him for the nice outings and moments of relaxation and I honestly didn´t expect anything more. But an unexpected thing happened - after about 7 - 8 months of knowing one another he really did make a step forward. It happened when in my mind I had written him off as a potential partner at least 1000 times. He needed so very much time to move forward, unbelievable. Now we are good friends,the relationship feels safe and is developing further including all pleasant things... After 8 months of no "move" whatsoever. Taurus men seem to need plenty of time indeed.; June 15, 2013 at 3:35 PM
Anonymous said...: There are so many post here and so little time...I was wondering...Would a Taurus man try to make a girl jealous to get her interested in him? I know that is childish but I would like to know if anyone here had that experience....Thanks; June 20, 2013 at 4:38 PM
Anonymous said...: MOA. I'm new here and I'm dealing with a Taurus now. What's the point of them talking with you then all of a sudden ignoring you? Do you think Women should give up on TM?; June 21, 2013 at 4:06 PM
Nicki said...: I would like to know whether a Taurus can have a nice relationship with a Saggi girl. Does anybody have any experience?; June 26, 2013 at 12:36 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi, Scorpio girl really liking a Taurus guy. We have starting out as more as FWB relationship. I'm trying to bring it to the next level and it's not progessing.

Really appreciate some advice. We are in constant communication text and phone but texing is predominant. He confuses me because we do text morning through night and if I don't respond right away he texts "U there?" We work together and there's constant flirting and he makes sure I'm taken care of in many ways. Seems he doesn't just care about the sex. Mixed signals all the time. If I'm not just for the sex, why does he want to be in constant contact? I can't seem to bring it to the next level.

Please help :); July 9, 2013 at 11:25 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous July 9, 11:25AM,
"We have starting out as more as FWB relationship. I'm trying to bring it to the next level and it's not progessing."

I hate to say this dear but. .that's probably not going to happen.

Many women are erroneously under the impression that giving men what they want, sex, is going to lead to a relationship with that man. When the reality is, the exact opposite is true. Giving a man sex with strings will lead you to a hook up situation, not a committed relationship. Because psychologically, once a man sees you as a sexual object, he'll be hard pressed to suddenly develop respect for you and see you as a human being. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound nasty, but you're asking and this is the reality. Men secretly lack respect for women who permit themselves to enter into a FWB situation. They will have sex with them, but they will not marry them :-(

It somewhat goes to the "madonna/whore" complex that many men carry - upon a first meeting, you'll most likely either be labeled madonna or whore. One is for sex and friendship and short term companionship and one is for a relationship, commitment and long term companionship. And once you've been deemed the whore, it's hard to become the madonna. (I'm not calling you a whore, I'm simply explaining the concept in depth is all, these words are harsh, I know and I apologize :-(

"why does he want to be in constant contact?"

Several reasons as stated above:

1) Sex
2) Friendship
3) Short term companionship

"I can't seem to bring it to the next level."

Regretfully, this isn't something you can control dear. He has to WANT this himself and if he doesn't, nothing you do will change that :-(

My suggestion would be to pull back a bit and emotionally detach from this before you get burned dear. You need to see if he's stringing you along as a sexual option instead of making you a priority and the only way to test that it to pull back. If he wants to know where you're at or if you're there, it could just be a control/ego thing and not be a signal of genuine interest. You need to pull back to see if there's a genuine interest there or not :-(; July 9, 2013 at 4:30 PM
Anonymous said...: Thanks. I will pull back and I've thought about the same things you said. Just not so easy :( but I do want better.

Thanks so much :); July 9, 2013 at 7:02 PM
Anonymous said...: I need some insight, if possible. I WAS dating a Taurus for 3 months until just recently. While we were dating I allowed for him to initiate most if not all of the contact, but I was always distant and I also had a hard time showing that I cared, and almost never initiated affection partially because that’s me and partially because earlier on our first date he made the joke that he was going on a trip for a wedding in a couple months and that he was expecting it to turn out a lot like the movie Sideways (where 2 guys go out and basically hook up, never saw it, but I believe that's the gist). I thought, "ok, he's letting me know off the bat that he may not be that serious about this, I'll keep my guard up" and I did. He never did make a comment like that again, but I also didn't forget it. I didn't know if my distance bothered him, but I felt him pulling back near the end, which I could only assume was partially due to me. But he always made an effort to contact me and brought me around his closest and oldest friends.
A little more background, before we actually started dating, he told me he doesn't have the balls to break up with the girls he dates, and instead just starts becoming a douche until they break up with him. As well early into the second month of dating, one night when he was drunk he called me and basically told me he really likes me and this is big for him because he doesn't care about most girls he's dated.
The night before he left on his wedding trip, we hung out and he took my pic and when I asked why, he hesitated and said because when people as if he's seeing someone, which he said he is, he now has a pic to show people when they want to see me. I debated strongly if I should contact him when he returned 4 days later, I didn't, but he contacted me when he got back in that night, the next day I responded, and the day after that he asked if we wanted to hang out on the coming weekend. I said sure...and that's when things got weird.
We didn't talk for the next 2 days (which wasn’t that unusual), I texted him the day before we were supposed to hang out because I wanted him to come over to my place. He said sure, but then he stood me up the next day! And barely even apologized for it. The following day, I texted him to see if we could hang out that next week, he said sure, but he was cold and distant and he all he told me about the weekend of him standing me up was that he was out partying. Because I could sense his growing distance, I just decided to do something risky and wrote him an email and threw myself out there and told him despite my past actions, I do really like him, he's one of the best guys I've been with, but that I could tell he's lost interest and that I understand due to the way I've been. I told him that I still want to see him and see where this could go but felt that he didn't feel the same way and to make it easy for him since I knew he doesn't like to end things, that he could text me to hang out on a certain day and that if I didn't hear from him, I would regretfully leave him be, but that I wished him well.
I never heard from him. I guess, I'm having a hard time understanding all of this. Especially since there was such a drastic change in his behavior in literally one week. I know you're not a mind reader, and I'm so sorry for this being so long, but did I mess up when I opened up to him with the email? I was just trying to be true to myself and didn't think we would ever talk about it the way things were going and I just wanted him to know how I actually felt so I wouldn't be left with the "what if?" Any other insight at this point? Thanks a bunch!; July 12, 2013 at 6:10 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous July 12, 6:10PM,
I don't think this had anything to do with you and everything to do with him. That bit that he told you early when dating about intending to score at the wedding? That stuck with you because it was a bit of his true self showing through.

This man isn't ready for a relationship and he's signaled that in several of the things he's said:

"he was expecting it to turn out a lot like the movie Sideways (where 2 guys go out and basically hook up)

"starts becoming a douche until they break up with him"

"he doesn't care about most girls he's dated."

"he stood me"

"the weekend of him standing me up was that he was out partying"

If you read between the lines there. . .you end up with a player. A partier that doesn't care about the majority of women he dates, treats them disrespectfully, and that looks forward to hookups from situations.

I would not have mattered one bit if you had been more caring, loving, etc. And he proved that to you when you DID open up, and got zero response from him. None of this was the result of anything you did. He is who he is and nothing you do is going to (or would have) change him.

I imagine this was all for the best dear. Because had this gone any further, there's a very high likelihood he would've slept with you - then disappeared without explanation as much of his behavior when dating him indicated he's seeking a good time as opposed to something serious.

I believe you dodged a bullet here dear. Be thankful for that ;-); July 13, 2013 at 9:09 AM
Anonymous said...: Yes, I suppose that sadly, that's what I have to accept. Thanks for your honest response. PS, he did end up responding later in the day that I told him not to if he didn't want anything to do with me and he said, "hey, just sanding down a deck. Thanks for the letter. It was encouraging, funny, complimentary, honest, loving, lovely, and ultimately true. Sorry for being a dickface!" Well, I wasn't exactly sure how to interpret that, it seemed a bit ambiguous to me (at the time), so I responded after several hours with, "it's all good, I'm also sorry. Well, I'd still like to see you one of these days, but not sure where you're at, maybe you want some time or..." And no response for nearly a week now, which I know that cruelly, his silence is his answer. I just don't understand why he flipped the switch so quickly - deep down I really believed he cared, I don't know why he doesn't now. Anyway, I also haven't contacted him, but just curious, do you think he'll ever contact me again or do you think this one's gone?; July 17, 2013 at 3:45 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous,
The longer you stay "gone" and remain silent, the higher the likelihood that he'll get curious and resurface ;-); July 17, 2013 at 4:42 PM
Anonymous said...: Me cancer, my bf taurus. Sometimes, hes waiting for me to initiate contact, not always him. But it tooks me a lot of courage to do so. Since im a cancerian afraid to do 1st move.; July 22, 2013 at 2:30 AM
Sagg Need Help said...: Am trying to figure out if I should completely break tides with my Bull. We have been friends for almost 2 yrs with no progression to relationship or even serious dating. Why in my opinion? Because he is going through financial difficulty, just starting to let me in to his vulnerable side, and doesn't feel he deserves me. Bottom line I am so in love with him and have been a long time but feel equally I could be wasting invaluable time. Do I let go and if anyone can help give me tips on how to move on...I am in turmoil...feel like crying all the time. Last week when he wanted to come and see me I said no and then texted "I appreciate your efforts. You got your own stuff you are dealing with.You're in no position to try for more with me and believe it or not I get it. But it leaves me with the short end of the stick. And we're losing this." He responded "You still got me M--"He's even said he loved me via text and he is not good on expressing emotions at all. Looking for any advice...am feeling really down.; July 28, 2013 at 8:11 PM
Unknown said...: I'm hoping you can help me. I'm in the same position as the poster above me but I feel like I'm at my end. Anyways, my Taurus and I have been friends for over 3 years. One time when he was "confused" and I wanted more I stopped being friends because I was the one getting hurt. We stopped talking for about a year. In the meantime, he would contact me here and there and I would say "no" and I kept it up for a year until we saw each other again and started to slowly become friends again. Anyways, earlier this year we became really close again and it seemed we were headed for a relationship but because of our past I backed off because he doesn't come out and say directly what he wants he talks in this passive agressive way where I'm trying to figure out what he's saying and then I misinterpret what he's saying.

Recently, a friend of mine told him I had strong feelings for him. They are friends also and this conversation was done without my knowledge. We still talk and interact as usual but not as heavily as we were before anyways I was out of town and he emailed me he "couldn't wait for me to return and he could feel I was gone" I thought, ok, he really misses me and you don't say something like that for nothing...I get back and nothing...crickets. Mind you, I'm a Taurus also with Aries moon he's Taurus with Scorpio moon.

So then after talking with one another I said to him in a nice way. In the future, if you know another person has feelings for you don't send emails like you were sending me because it made me like you wanted something more when you didn't. It felt like a game or leading me on and I know your better than that but be careful with people's hearts when it comes to that behavior...I guess he didn't like it because he hasn't responded since LOL..

We work together but in different office so I was back to "business" at work and he ignored my email today but I know he's going to have to answer me eventually so I'm not worried about it. I'm not going to contact him until he contacts me but if he has no interest and he knows me well why would he say those things?; July 31, 2013 at 1:58 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Mickey Lewis,
NEVER listen to a man's WORDS dear - only his ACTIONS.

"if he has no interest and he knows me well why would he say those things?"

For several reasons:

1) Men have a tendency to tell women what they think they want to hear - so they can receive sex from the woman at some point in the future. Which is why as a woman, you ignore the WORDS, and you pay heed to the ACTIONS of the man instead.

2) Evoking positive emotions in others is influencial behavior. Behavior that can influence another - to do the will of the other.

3) He knows if he is blatently honest with you, it will hurt you and he will not be able to receive sexual benefits from you as a result.

"you don't say something like that for nothing"

Yea, people do dear. They do it every single day. When your intention is to use others, you say what you have to say in order to achieve that. Which is why WORDS have little value. The real value is through observation of his ACTIONS.

And when a man's actions do not align with his words - big red flag (bullshitter).

Additionally, that type of thinking, "you don't say something like that for nothing" is more of a woman's type of thinking - it's projection of how YOU think and how YOU feel onto another. Women think, feel, process and experience things differently than men. So you can't take how a woman thinks, feels, process and experiences things and then project that onto a man by assuming he thinks, feels, processes and experiences the same.

Men and women both will say things like that that are necessary to achieve their goal, if their intention isn't pure. And when you hear a lot of stuff like that, another big red flag. It amounts basically to "convincing" another human being and over-doing it in your attempts to do so. Too much of a good thing is actually bad and a signal that something is amiss.

Think about it, how does a player get laid repeatedly by multiple women? He zooms in on "willing" victims, women who WANT to believe the WORDS, and then he spoon feeds them over-the-top compliments, he plants seeds of a "future" in the woman's head and he insinuates he has strong feelings for the woman - all via WORDS.

But then his ACTIONS dictate the opposite. He says your pretty, but he gawks at others openly in front of you, making you feel "less." He says he wants a future, but he chooses a night out with the boys instead, and he insinuates he has strong feelings for you, but he makes you cry every other day via his thoughtlessness and ignorance - his ACTIONS will ALWAYS speak the truth dear, while his words are. . .well, just words.

"Hear" the ACTIONS dear, ignore the WORDS.; July 31, 2013 at 10:49 AM
Unknown said...: Thanks! We've been around each other for three years but we've never had sex or kissed because he knows I'm not doing it because of my faith and he of the same.

So I guess his BS is just for the sake of it.

He finally called me at work today but he didn't address the Text.We spoke about other stuff we needed to attend to and he even offered to help me with it if I so choose but I think I'm going to pass on his assistance and just get it done.; July 31, 2013 at 3:36 PM
Anonymous said...: Dear Aphrodite, I enjoy your advice very much. Thanks. I'm a Leo in mid-40s talking to a mid-50s Taurus. We live in different countries and met online for 2 months and have met once in person. We are both busy professionals but he's more than me so it's difficult to find time for the next date. He flirts a lot on text and I guess I've started to do that, too. While in the short term, I keep thinking whether I should sleep with him next time we meet or not (which, from your advice above, guess I should not), what worries me more is what I can expect in the long term from him. He said he wants to have an independent partner who does well in her career and he's too mature to want someone waiting at home. But that is exactly what I want from a relationship - I want to have someone to build a family with and grow old with, you know, I'm not young anymore. Should I leave this issue for now, Dear Aphrodite, since we've just at a very early stage of dating? Or should I ask him to figure out what he really thinks about me - will that scare him away ? And, as you are a Taurus yourself, what would you advise me to do in the short term to keep him interested if I don't sleep with him soon ? Will he go away ? From confused mature Leo :-(; August 13, 2013 at 9:33 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous,
This is a perfect example dear of how women need to take RESPONSIBILITY for THEIR happiness. You know what you want and what would make you happy. . .why then, are you willing to consider settling for less?

When you date, you need to be responsible. You need to qualify men as dateable or undateable, as a match or as a non-match. You want to be happy, right? Don't attempt to take a man that's not a match and somehow change him to become a match - that's not realistic and it doesn't work.

Instead, qualify men as appropriate or inappropriate for yourself and then take CONTROL of your dating life instead of being a VICTIM to it, ya' know?

"He said he wants to have an independent partner who does well in her career and he's too mature to want someone waiting at home."

"But that is exactly what I want from a relationship - I want to have someone to build a family with and grow old with"

There it is right there - this is a non-match and he is not an appropriate partner for you. He will NEVER be able to make you happy, because you both want DIFFERENT things out of life. You both had DIFFERENT goals and as a result, you will never be on the same path.

If you continue to date him, the relationship will be akin to trying to pound a round peg - into a square hole. It will be lots of work and you will be forever unsatisfied (unhappy) with the relationship. Why make a choice like that for yourself, ya' know?

"should I ask him to figure out what he really thinks about me"

What he thinks about you is of no importance here. It doesn't matter what he thinks about you. What matters is whether or not you two are a match and whether or not this man can make you happy and fulfill your needs. And because he wants something different from you - the answer right off the bat to that is - NO, he will not be able to make you happy, he will not be able to fulfill your needs - because he'll never try - he wants something entirely different than what you want. As a result, you two will be working at cross purposes constantly.

"what would you advise me to do in the short term to keep him interested if I don't sleep with him soon?"

What's the point in a need to keep him interested dear? Why are you trying to pound that round peg into that square hole, ya' know? You don't take a man and try to make it work, instead you find a man that it will work with. You don't sit and wait around for a man to decide if he likes you or not, you take CONTROL of your life and RESPONSIBILITY for your happiness - and you use your free will to make a wise CHOICE for yourself instead. You have the ability to make a decision here, you do not have to sit around and wait for him to decide what direction your life is going to go.

Do not be willing to easily become a victim of unhappiness. Instead, take control of your happiness yourself, make the right decisions for yourself in life - and go after what will make you happy, instead of toying with the idea of settling for something that won't :-); August 13, 2013 at 10:04 AM
Anonymous said...: Dear Aphrodite, thank you very, very much for your prompt advice. I really appreciate it. I will keep that firmly in my mind - what really makes me happy, not what he thinks. Aphrodite, will you object to me slowly pulling the plug, instead of just cut it off quick ? I don't feel that it's his fault that he doesn't want the same thing as me and so far he has been quite a good gentleman? Slowing down contacts won't be difficult as we are not in the same countries anyway. But someday soon I guess I will have to tell him frankly :-( And yes, it's true to stop now than let it continues in the way that is not what I want. This was the first time that I get out and meet a man after a very, very long period of no relationship. I guess I've given up on trying to find a good man now :-(( Thanks for your help anyway, dear Aphrodite Bull. From Sad Leo.; August 13, 2013 at 11:05 AM
Unknown said...: Alright, well I've just started "seeing" a Taurus man. He's 34 and I'm 21. He has told me on several occasions that I'm an "old-soul". I'm assuming this is a good thing. But, we had a lot to drink the first time we hung out and I slept with him. He wanted to cuddle afterwards and wanted to sleep with his head on my stomach. I went home a little bit confused. He's been texting me almost everyday. He's the one that keeps asking to see me. I'm just afraid that he's only going to look at me as an easy lay and nothing else.; August 17, 2013 at 7:21 PM
Anonymous said...: Sorry Carrie but chances are he sees you as just that. Once a Taurus puts you in the category of his harems then that's where you will be.; August 19, 2013 at 9:53 PM
Anonymous said...: I would like to seek for an advice or some inputs in my current situation. I am an aquarius dating a taurus. I am 28, and he is 24. We have been going out for almost a year now, having sex, go for dinners, movies, he invites me to his place with his friends for some bbq parties. The thing is I like him, and I could say that he likes me too, but I am not sure to what extent. I dont have much guts to ask, or maybe, Im waiting for him to bring it up, after all im still a girl.. I dont know where wil this lead to. I may consider a relationship with him, but I dont know if he is willing to, he’s younger, and seems to be just enjoying what we have.

I wanted to talk it out with him but I dont want to scare him away.. Im hoping he could give a postive response, but I kinda have a feeling he’s not ready to commit. I dont know if it’s just me overthinking.. gosh, we have been dating for a year now, and i think it’s way too long. I dont want to lose him, even as a friend. I dont know what should I do.. When shud i still hold on to this, should I ask, tell him how I feel, or just ditch this?

If I tell him my feelings, i dont want him to be pressured, oull back and disappear.

Based on what I read taurus takes his own pace, Im so confused what do to. Anyone to guide me and help give me some clear thoughts? :(

Well, Im pretty much traumatized i guess as my ex, before I met this guy was also a taurus..; August 20, 2013 at 2:43 PM
Anonymous said...: While I was partially reading these comments on this thread, I couldn't help but wanting to give out advices to the people who are having some 'issues' with the Taurus male. Now, before I am quick to judge, I am indeed a Virgo, who has the initiative to help others. Also, I have dated a Taurus as well, so I kind of understand how you guys are feeling. As I am reading the comments above, I'd like to respond to the Anonymous who posted a comment on 8/20/13 @ 2:43 PM. So, Aquarius, I have been reading online that Aquarius and Taurus that they DO have a possibility of making a relationship work. However, romance may or may not be there.

When you say that you have a feeling he's not ready to commit... Well, that is where you're wrong. Taurus's are one of the signs who seeks for a long-term relationship, but he's a very slow and steady type of person. He wants to reassure that the relationship is stable. And as you've mentioned, you guys dated for almost a year (or a year). From my insight, a relationship for a year isn't THAT long. For me, a relationship has to be eternal (or until I decease from existence or him). But, you have to have patience with your Taurus. They have patience, but they also have stubbornness.

If I were you, I would tell him how you feel, even if it does scare him or not. I'm saying this because Taurus's needs all the attention that they need. And if they know how the other person feels about them, they'll be reassured and they'll think that they are needed. Sure, Taurus's seem to disappear and then reappear, but they are just thinking things through, (basically, they are giving their minds some clarity of what to do next).

Don't fret, Aquarius. I know it seems difficult to handle situations like these, even though we are having trouble understanding, but I am glad that you're seeking help.

:)

Sincerely,
Virgo; August 25, 2013 at 11:59 PM
Anonymous said...: Need Help with this Puzzle:

What does it mean when a Taurus has shared he's not ready for a relationship with you bec he is trying establish financial security BUT says you just don't know I love you to death. In response you say Ok then I have to put you in different category and fall back bec I am falling in love with you. Then he comes back with I don't want you to cut me off. I need you to continue to be my friend as you have until I am in a position to even consider something more serious. You are a great friend and I have not been the best one in return bec I have not been happy with myself and want to be a better friend to you. Is he asking me to wait? What if I start dating another would it kill any future chance with him? Important factor to note--we have been friends for almost two years with no sex but the chemistry is +10 revealed when we kissed passionately once so we don't even go there. Completely platonic but both care for each other. I know he sees other women but not seriously just for "pleasure" and am not really concerned about that bec that will never be me. Help me figure out this puzzle.; September 2, 2013 at 12:21 PM
Anonymous said...: I am a Cancer and I dated a Taurus for about 18 months. In the beginning he was so nice. But than about 2 months in he got real slick. Always putting me down. Dumping me. Wanting me back. Dumping me. Wanting me back. I ended up falling him. I guess falling for the "nice days." He could never tell me he loves me. And whenever I asked him how he felt he would tell me, "I'm with you arent' I?" Yet he always wanted to know if I missed him or loved him. He was not really patient with me and could curse me out over the smallest thing. I finally had enough and blocked his calls. I don't like to generalize but I doubt I will deal with another Taurean and the roller-coaster ride they call love. Ironically, his best friend told me he was sick about hearing about me every other minute. Real Jekyll and Hyde if you ask me. Good luck to the rest of you.; September 10, 2013 at 2:12 PM
Heartbroken Cancer Gal said...: I posted on the 10th of September. This is so painful for me. We went on vacation together. He cheated on me and I forgave him. I hung out with his friends. We did so many things. Went to so many places. I always went above and beyond for him. And for him to talk to me like doodoo under his shoe was too much for me to bear. I know I am not perfect but I do my best and am genuine. I have not spoken to him since the 8th of September. How can be okay with not speaking to me? He wanted to move in together. Have kids. And now, he would rather not apologize to me and let what we had end because of his pride. I am just so heartbroken.; September 16, 2013 at 2:25 PM
Anonymous said...: ohhhhhhhhhhh was kind of nice to read as i like this taurus guy , when i told him i have fallen for him , me gemini ,he started ignoring me, Me being gemini i guess i was quick to figure out , rather then telling me on phone or just that we could catch up and talk it out he simply backed off , emailed me saying he needs space and a needs a break here as it will result in mess because we are from different faith :/ but i feel he is inscure , has inferority complex coz he was dating some girl from different faith and she had dumped him . he was my childhood friend and we happen to come across each other after good 13 years . I am drawn towards him like hell OMG i cant describe , am sad he i guess left . help , leave some comment ..; September 23, 2013 at 12:10 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi there :)

Two years ago, I met a taurus man at work - we clicked very well, but I always thought of us as friends (although my ex boyfriend was quite jealous of him because he would, for example, comment on my FB photos saying that I looked cute and never really got along with my ex).

Anyway, we were a good bunch at work and once when he had a football match, I drew him 3 huge funny posters, which he probably took as a sign that I liked him and he started to pursue me. I didn't really object - we have a LOT of similar interests, he is funny, ambitious, good looking, sporty, good at everything he does - in short, I felt like I finally found a guy who was worth being with.

We were taking things slow, but at the same time I didn't feel the need to play any mind-games. I felt very compatible with him and comfortable showing him affection (don't worry, I wasn't all over him as I like my own space too, but when we were together I liked being intimate). But this was probably a mistake... as I found out from this article, taurus men like to take things slow and analyse people and now I feel like I might have scared him a little bit. Also, I had a few pictures of my ex on my wall which I didn't take down purely because I didn't want to have about 15 gaps on my wall and he knew it was me who ended the realationship and that I had no intensions of getting back together with that guy, but I remember one night when he starred at those pictures for good 10 minutes. Another thing is that we both knew I was going abroad for a year in like 2-3 months time.

Long story short, he started to act a bit distant, he said he had problems with family, so I told him he can talk to me anytime, but gave him space nevertheless. Later I found out it was because he hooked up with another girl from work and when he came to apologize he said doesn't even know why, that nothing was wrong between us and that his feelings were genuine. He also said that we weren't official (which is true) and that he is sorry because I told him I don't sleep around. I am a very loyal person so I didn't want him back and that was the end.

He was then basically forced by our colleagues to date that girl and it lasted them about 2 weeks, and even during that time he kept seeking my company, was a bit touchy etc, but nothing happened because I didn't show any interest.

Now I came back from my year abroad and I saw him again, he asked for my number and texted me the next day that it was nice seeing me and that I should come to the party he was at. I had other plans so I said no, but we kept texting for another two days, exchanged quite a few flirty texts and he invited me again to a different party in a week's time to which I said yes.

My questions is: I like this guy, he has a lot of 'husband qualities', but I am not sure what his intentions are. Did I scare him before or is he just playing some mind games with me? Thanks :); September 30, 2013 at 4:38 PM
Unknown said...: Jewel Blaze here. I posted March 5th, 2013 about my back and forth long distant relationship with a Taurus male. Just wanted to write an update on my situation to give some hope to others who are in similar situation. After my last visit with my Taurus male in February 2013, he came to visit me in June. He actually confessed that he had too loves me and that he had fallen in love with me as well. He spent 2 weeks with me in my hometown. We had a wonderful time together in which I got to know him and understand him a lot more. I in turn went back to visit him again in August. Again, we spent time together and shared more wonderful moments. It is now October 2013 and I have sold all my possessions, packed up and moving to be with him in in his state in just a few days. We are talking about marriage and a definite future together. I have watched him grow so much and changed so much towards me over the past few months. He is more attentive to me and my needs and treats me with the love and respect I believe I deserve. Its a huge step for me to pack up and leave my home state but I have faith and I know that our future is strong together. He says that he cannot wait to not only see me but to not have to say goodbye or take me to the airport again.

In conclusion I would like to say that even though things were rocky and uncertain in the beginning. I have learned that he was mostly afraid of the vulnerability that came with falling in love with me. His exact words "you have no idea of the power you have over me right now". We have to understand that men-not just Taurus males, are sometimes just as afraid of rejection as women are but with a little patience and understanding if that person is right for you, guards will go down and things will work out the way they should.; October 7, 2013 at 12:46 AM
Anonymous said...: I had the best afternoon reading your comments. I am a Capricorn lady. Taurus men are the perfect match for Capricorn women - these 2 zodiacs were made for each other and from what I have read are the most compatible of all the zodiacs, which is probably why you don't see as many Capricorn ladies on her voicing their issues with Taurus men :))
My Taurus is sun in Taurus, moon in Aries (May 8th)! The Taurus men comments in this forum to be great. Maybe because I like how logical these guys are but their comments were very valid and spot on.

Here are my observations:
1. Be patient. You kind of have to sit back and see what he does next but you have to lead him there from time to time. So basically reach out to him (don't chase him) but contact him see how he's doing,but always be genuine. He will react and this is how you build interest - keep luring him in till he can't take it anymore and makes you the ONE :). They love security/safety and marriage provides them just that so yes they do like to get married. 2. Be funny! These guys love it when you are light hearted and funny. Disarm them :) 3. They are popular with the ladies. If he wasn't you would think hmm...no one wants this guy so he is not so desirable. He should see that you also have many suitors therefore desirable but playing games will not get you far with a Taurus I think. They go through many partner to find that special one. 4. Be vocal. My Taurus wrote me a list of things he likes about me. I laughed when I read the list and said thank you :) He is kind of telling you "am I worthy of you"? All men like the chase and to feel that they got the prize - YOU! 5. They like beauty. LOOK damn good in every pic you post on Facebook, Twitter, Istagram etc.He may have disappeared and not talking to you. During that time don't post stupid quotes about shity men and how men suck and how to move on etc. Dumb move! Think Kate Middleton :))) When Prince William broke up with her she went out and looked good. Btw she is a Capricorn lady! 6. Remain "cool".DO NOT BE that "Crazy girl" men talk about to their friends. After all you are a hot, smart, intellectual woman with a busy life (This is why he liked you in the first place) so stay busy during this time. 7. Do not put out easily with men especially Taurus men. These guys are possessive/jealous etc. They do cherish and respect women who don't put out easily. Some of you have said they are sweet, great lovers. Yes they are and they know it. Now try to be that special lady they can't easily get and watch HIM eat out of the palm of YOUR hands. 8. Be honest and damn straightforward. If he complimented another girl to me I would jokingly say flat out "hey hey now I am going to get jealous...". Within nano seconds I would get the reassurance I need. Remember the key here is patience - you ask 10 questions they answer 6 for not but eventually they will trust you and answer all 10 without you even asking! 9. How to tell if he likes you? They are possessive if they like you and will express it. If a Taurus likes you, you will know! They will tell you. Sometimes in the form of "be mine" "my....(insert your name)". "I effin love you". They are not shy to express this to the one. 10. Now I found this funny. If you tell a Taurus you like him too (remember he has to tell you first how much he likes you) and that he is your number one or whatever praise you give him, he will STICK around not run away. Most men from other zodiacs run. My advice make him feel safe that he is always on your mind, that he is your one and only, better than the other guys you guys may happen to bring up...reassure him. You do all the above ladies and within time you will find him by your side and unable to go anywhere else!; October 26, 2013 at 11:32 AM
Anonymous said...: To Anonymous (Spa manager) who posted on December 12, 2011 12:36pm about the Taurus she met while he was on vacation...

Did your Taurus get back to you? Maybe he has a gf and she wasn't on vacation with him. What industry was this guy in work wise since you said he had contacts? Banking? Entertainment?

Your story sounds just like my friend's! I wonder if it is the same Taurus guy....; October 26, 2013 at 11:36 AM
Anonymous said...: To the girl who posted on September 30, 2013 4:38pm (Anonymous). What is your sun sign?

You said you have not slept with him yet? If you have not, then the ball is all in your court just play your cards right. If you have slept with him, it is also okay but you have to play the cards differently. He is obviously interested but tread slowly. He cheated with that coworker before and you got hurt. This time don't always accept his invitations like you already did but definitely accept some to show him you care about him. Do not ignore signs/things he says. Most women ignore red flags. For example if he says "I am not really into marriage" "I am not ready for something serious". RUN. Most Taurus mens' goal from what I understand is to find the ONE. They spend their life looking for that perfect ONE to show off to others. I am curious to know what your sign is. As for your ex don't worry about the pics. Just don't bring up your ex. They hate that and will tell you "okay enough about him already". Going forward post pics of you having fun :) Just make sure your friends in the pics aren't too hot lol; October 26, 2013 at 1:38 PM
Anonymous said...: Play his mind games back at him and make him think he's in control.; October 26, 2013 at 1:38 PM
Anonymous said...: Response for September 23rd, 2013 12:10 pm Anonymous....

You and many other women on her say you can't get enough of these Taurus men, and that you are so drawn to them, can't get enough of the sex blah blah when in reality your ego is probably hurt that he rejected you or left you and like all humans we want what we can't have. So either try and play a game to get him back - if he is slightly still interested or was ever interested it would work. Otherwise forget it...who wants someone who doesn't want them anyways! It will take sometime to heal but as my mom always says, takes a new love to forget an old love. Give yourself sometime to heal, understand what happened and NEVER EVER thing it has something to do with you unless you killed someone from his family, destroyed his house etc. Most of us blame ourselves for the failure of a relationship or when someone rejects us when it takes 2 to break up. I remember back in College I would get so upset when a guy didn't want me. Now looking back I laugh and think thank God he didn't want me, I got really lucky. If things are meant to be they will be and things will fall into place! Making a relationship happen or work shouldn't be completely effortless but it also shouldn't be so consuming emotionally. Also from what I understand about Taurus men is once they are done with you, they usually are done and if they want you, they want you. They will pursue you to get you and then you also have to make them feel "safe and secure" by also pursing them a little. Unlike other men these guys like it when a girl messages them/shows them interest. I remember once telling a Taurus man "sorry if I am bothering you, you seem busy". I did it to see his reaction. And just like I thought he would do he reacted very sweetly and politely etc. Remember just like you are worried about losing them, they are twice as worried about losing you Ms. Hot Thing!; October 26, 2013 at 1:51 PM
Anonymous said...: MOA are you still with your Taurus man? Sorry I am curious.

Every book on Astrology I have read says Taurus is a ONE woman man who spends his life looking for a wife! Not the Taurus you describe with a harem of women,; October 28, 2013 at 5:52 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous, October 28, 5:52PM,
No, we're not together, I filed for divorce many years ago. We were together 12 years, married 7 of those. I'm a Taurus and he was a Taurus - and honestly, it was a relief to rid myself of him.

Those pieces you're referring to on astrology are very "vanilla" fluffy type pieces that don't explore the nitty gritty of the signs, meaning, the darker tendencies they have. We all have the dark and the light and those pieces do a poor job of representing the dark, while unrealistically glorifying the light. It's not realistic to give the impression that there's 90% good and 10% dark. To discuss the good things for 20 minutes while spending 10 seconds on the bad, ya' know?

So yes, by nature, Taurus are generally very loyal folks - when they are exhibiting their "light," their good tendencies. But when you bump into someone who is in a bad place in their life and exhibiting their "darkness" instead, their bad tendencies, there's very little out there that covers that topic.

So you can look at this as an exploration into the "dark" tendencies that Taurus is capable of exhibiting when unevolved and exhibiting their lesser qualities.; October 29, 2013 at 7:33 AM
Anonymous said...: MOA I am following both of your posts the Disappearing Reappearing Man and this one. I really love what you are doing here. So many times we see people write off a woman as being "psycho" and "crazy" without realizing an actual person is hurting on the other end and when you are hurt and emotional you can't control what you do which is why you get so many women over communicating with men who dumped them. I have 2 brothers and I often hear this "man she won't stop calling me" - my brothers are actual good guys so imagine with the dicks are saying when you cal. I love the posts from the girls who recover from a bad breakup or get rid of an asshole who was treating them badly.

Here is a question. So a Taurus in late 30s, hot, successful who was in long term relationships before so I wouldn't call him a player but these days you never know. We met online all is good he turned the relationship from heading into friend zone to lover zone :) He is extremely open about his feelings and sometimes goofy which is why I found him charming - wow a guy comfortable enough to compliment me and share his feelings! Score...well not quite. He is a very busy guy I get it but he does the disappear and reappearing thing. Being online makes it way easier for guys to basically click "log out" when they want to disappear.

Now he is used to me responding pretty quickly and being nice and chatty. So the next time he messages me do you think it is OK to just send a smile back or just be short with him instead of mirroring the amount of time he disappeared (2-3 weeks). So basically wait a day or 2 or even 3 and send a simple ":)" if he says "hi" or whatever. This would be out of the ordinary since he is used to me being chatty and funny with him. Thoughts?; October 30, 2013 at 9:58 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous October 30, 9:58AM,
You're free to do as you please dear, but as for me, no, I would not do that. Particularly with a man who has a habit/pattern of disappearing and reappearing.

You see, with men like that, once you respond - you basically send them away again, instead of creating curiosity that draws them closer to you. Why? Because men like that are generally only "checking in" to see if they still have you, right where they want you - available to them and waiting. And once they are reassured that you're still there, ready, willing and waiting - off they go again.

I liken it to a stove top. Imagine a stove top with 4 burners going. The pots that are being stirred, the ones receiving your attention, are the ones that need it - meaning, the ones that are boiling over (not reacting as expected). The one's that are simmering along nicely, behaving as expected, are moved to the "back burner" where they are kept warm (maintained very little).

Be the pot that's boiling over (not behaving as expected and troublesome) instead of the one that's simmering along nicely as expected (requiring none of your attention). Otherwise, each time you reassure him you're still there and welcome him with smiles and open arms. . .he's going to place you on that "back burner" and direct his attention elsewhere.

Don't give him the reassurance he's seeking - stay quiet, behave unexpectedly, and see if that draws him closer over time and piques his curiosity and interest in you (about a month or so). If it doesn't, then accept that it wasn't meant to be and move on gracefully :-); October 30, 2013 at 12:04 PM
Anonymous said...: Thanks for the advice will follow it. I think you are right and love the stove analogy. Yup I do not want him to get that comfortable feeling anymore. He has had it for too long, time to light the fire under his ass. And if nothing happens then so be it. Will wait about a month before responding. I always worried about doing this - didn't want him to be like "ahh she is playing mind games". He knows I check my messages on my phone etc. That said time for a game changer :)

Sorry another questions. Should I open the message (which shows I read it) or leave it unread :); October 30, 2013 at 12:08 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous October 30, 12:08PM,
Leave it unread - and really get him thinking ;-); October 30, 2013 at 12:17 PM
Anonymous said...: Where can I go to understand what any of this means? I tried to calculate my rising sun and moon signs because apparently it is important in astrology :)

Sun in: 26°57' Capricorn
Moon in: 14°13' Virgo
AS in: 11°36' Leo
MC in: 4°14' Taurus; October 30, 2013 at 12:19 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous October 30, 12:19PM,
AS is the Ascendant: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ascendant

MC is the Midheaven: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midheaven

Your Sun is in Capricorn and your Moon is in Virgo. For full definitions of each, you can search "sun in capricorn" and "moon in virgo" on the Net.

But I will warn you, astrology is very complicated. It's not something you can study and gain a full understanding of without investing years into it. So if you'd like a full in-depth interpretation of that, I'd hire a professional astrologer to interpret it. (Warning: It's not cheap, LOL :-); October 30, 2013 at 12:29 PM
Anonymous said...: Thanks a million for your response. Yes super interesting stuff. I found the Capricorn Sun / Moon in Virgo interesting.

I probably won't hire someone. Ironically I get along very very well with all Taurus men and female so when I looked up the compatibility report between the two I wasn't really that surprised.; October 30, 2013 at 1:10 PM
Anonymous said...: Unread huh? Will do. Issue is this is on Facebook so if I leave it unread I will have to be careful to not "like" "comment" or post anything otherwise he will know I am active on there.; October 30, 2013 at 1:11 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous October 30, 1:11PM,
"otherwise he will know I am active on there."

You're missing the point dear. The point is to signal to him that you have moved on and that you are deliberately not giving him your attention - and then see if he worries at all about WHY that is.

So be active on Facebook as you normally would - and do not give him your attention and leave that message unread. This will cause him to question what you're doing - and why you're doing it, which will then jump start the psychological process of thought he needs to go through asking himself why you're doing and what did HE do to cause this.

He NEEDS to think like that - to reach the ultimate conclusion that he was responsible for it ;-); October 30, 2013 at 1:27 PM
Anonymous said...: Thanks for the explanation. If I remember correctly you said when I eventually do write him back to act like nothing is up and that I was simply busy. Basically don't say "well you disappear for a month and then write me..."; October 30, 2013 at 1:46 PM
Anonymous said...: Do you think people can back peddle and regain power through NC and mirroring? Say he chased and chased so you felt comfortable and began initiating contact, contacting him, being available - I know mistake. So he disappears then reappears like all men in this post etc. Or do you think once a man loses value for you, it's over? He is a Taurus and no we have not been intimate.

Ironically I went to a psychic (very interesting lady) - a well known one (Born on an American Indian reservation). Not sure how many of you on here believe in them but she described him to a T. His birthday, year, initials etc. I sometimes think she Googled him when we were sitting there and found his birthday because she did check her iPhone for the "time" she said - I doubt she did :) It was just so accurate. Still get goosebumps when I think about it.

She actually told me don't worry you can trust him etc. but try and communicate less. So if he sends me a text, wait till he sends another one before I respond. Did I listen? Of course my excitement about him got the best of me and I didn't. That said, he is still "appearing" so I guess not all has been lost? Btw MOA what do you think of psychics?; October 30, 2013 at 2:00 PM
Anonymous said...: Can someone help me understand this? I read this online about Taurus with a moon in Aries.

"Emotions threaten him, too, so look for a good fight if you provoke any. It’s not easy to get next to him with the soft, sharing aspects of relating because it’s so hard for him to own up to those parts of himself. For him, sex may be a sublimation of the finer facets of intimacy."; November 1, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Anonymous said...: Taurus men are the zodiacs male love objects, we are natural lovers; November 18, 2013 at 12:11 PM
StillHeartbrokenCancerGal said...: I really just need to move on. I am tired of this roller coaster. I am the Cancer Girl that commented September 10th and September 16th. He cursed me out on Saturday. Ignored me. Posted a pic on his IG page and said Keep Calm, It's Over. I calmed him and he didn't answer. He knew it would hurt me. I know he does care for me but apparently not enough to be respectful. That hurt so much. How should I proceed? Just lose hope and move on?; November 18, 2013 at 5:20 PM
Anonymous said...: StillHeartbrokenCancerGal

I would say move on and let him catch up if he wants to. Seems like a trend with Taurus men. They go off and think about what they did. Natural lovers? Haha...slow lovers.

Cancer girl be careful how you react to Taurus. They tend to really mean Keep Calm because from what I know about them when they walk away the best thing to do is to not go crazy. If you can manage to stay composed and calm I believe they come back. I need to go back and read what you wrote but seems like you are still talking (Saturday). Try NC with him...; November 19, 2013 at 4:22 PM
Anonymous said...: StillHeartbrokenCancerGal

I just went back and read your September comments. I have to ask you girl why are you heartbroken over a guy who cheated on you, treated you poorly, speaks to you disrespectfully amongst other things you said he does. So what exactly do you like about this guy? So why did he curse you out on Saturday? Did you ask him to get back together and that was his answer?

He doesn't sound like a typical Taurus. Taurus men are usually faithful to the ONE. They love to settle down and get married and rarely do they stray. They are pretty logical and calm so this guy sounds very different. They tend to be jealous and possessive but still....; November 19, 2013 at 4:26 PM
Anonymous said...: @ Anonymous I guess I wasn't the ONE and was NOT too bright. I just wish I could move on. We are the same ethnicity and I really hate that he will be everywhere I want to be. I am doing NC, though the coward way. I blocked his phone number from calling my job and cell phone. Made my IG page private. We were still okay on Saturday until Saturday night. But this happens so often. Too often for me to tell you how many times. I am embarrassed.

I guess he is not so different but just not in love with me. In the almost 18 months of us being together he said it about 4 times. I have just been a fool. This is StillHeartbrokenCancerGal.; November 19, 2013 at 5:05 PM
Anonymous said...: @StillHeartbrokenCancerGal

Don't be upset time heals everything. It takes time to heal and fell better about it all but the longer you are with someone who is NOT in LOVE with you the less likely you are to meet someone who IS IN LOVE with you :) so girl dress hot, get out there and meet a hot man only to watch him crawl back to you in time and you will not even notice that you are actually doing NC. That's the beauty of NC. I am telling you it works for many reasons but think about it. If you do contact him, text him, call him, email him, Facebook him and you get no response what happens? Well you get emotionally tangled up, obsessed and it becomes a vicious cycle. If you do no NC first few weeks you get upset, hurt, wait around and obsessed but with time you forget and slowly you move on like in drug rehab you feel clean! At least you will feel dignified that you didn't chase him. I had a guy who was chasing me so I got comfortable and started to contact him right away back when he contacted me, then I became obsessed and started to initiate. Well with time I got used to hearing from him so I started to do the initiating aka chasing. Well poof he started to disappear. Now I am doing NC and there is a chance I won't hear from him but if past behavior predicts future behavior I will hear from him again and this time I am much more prepared!; November 21, 2013 at 4:03 PM
hopless with taurus said...: Hey Mirror, first off love your articles, your insight has helped more then you know... ok, i am in a desperate situation. I've been with my taurus man for 19 months. He seeked me out through a mutual friend and called me after i gave our friend my number to give to him... we spoke and seen eachother for a week, then i made the mistake of sleeping with him on the 2nd week, and in my defense, I was single for 1 1/2 years prior and he was the first man i gave a chance to. So after we did the "deed" we stayed in contact, and even moved in together within the month, then he pulled a disappearing act and did not come home one night, so i packed all my stuff and left, and instead of initiating no contact, i basically begged him to take me back... we started talking again and then i found out he actually moved another girl in and was seeing her for like 7 months. in that time there was barely any contact, well he ended up losing the house and his job, and he came back and said he wants us against the world, blah blah blah and i gave him another shot which has been perfect. He is now working but he isn't making the money he is use to making, so i have been paying for everything if we go out b/c his money is for his bills, which is getting to me, b/c i feel like he could offer and not expect me to pay for everything but whatever... then he's pulling these disappearing acts for days/weeks at a time and i always end things which lasts for about 2 weeks before i miss him and give him to the opportunity to start fresh and we end up back together and it's always great for a month or two then he pulls the disappearing acts, not calling, etc... so this time i told im im done, i told him i feel like i'm unappreciated for everything i'm doing in terms of paying for everything, and never through it in his face about his financial set back, in fighting for this relationship when he could care less, etc... i have had no contact for 2 weeks and he doesn't seem to care, is he expecting me to initiate contact again or should i just continue on with my life???????; December 2, 2013 at 11:44 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @hopless with taurus,
"is he expecting me to initiate contact again or should i just continue on with my life?"

It's simple dear - contacting him will give you more of the same, a repeat all over again. Moving on will give you a fresh new start at a chance with a different man that won't use you and will make you happy.

The definition of insanity dear, is doing the same thing over and over and over again - yet expecting different results.

I think it's time for something different - move on, cease speaking to him and leave him in your past. He's not a good man, he's not ready for a real relationship, he's taken advantage of you, he's treated you poorly and he's cheated. Why wish for that in your life?

If you go back, you'll have more of that in your life. If you don't and you move forward, you won't ;-); December 3, 2013 at 8:31 AM
Anonymous said...: @hopless with taurus

MOVE on...actually RUN as fast as you can. I just read your comment on her. I am shocked you put up with his immature behavior for so long. Ok maybe the sex was amazing because people who fight a lot say the make up sex is better than the normal sex. Either way he has been bad from get go by cheating on you.

Why would you take him back? I think Taurus men can be weak and love to be pursued. When they are pursued and will love it. I think this is where they differ from the other zodiacs. They will go out and will be with a woman who chases them. I have seen some who even marry the woman who gives him a home and chases him but deep down they yearn for that girl who will make them chase her which doesn't come often because it is THAT girl who will make them get their ass up and provide for her and treat her like a queen.

Kick his ass out and find a MAN who will not only pay for your on a date because it is not just the material part that he effed up with you on but this disappearing appearing crap he pulls on you. Where the hell does he go?

Write a list of why you should stay with him and a list of reasons why he is not good for your sanity :); December 17, 2013 at 8:04 AM
Anonymous said...: By the description all men must be Taureans.; December 26, 2013 at 2:17 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous December 26, 2:17PM,
This is the "dark side" of a Taurus that has given way to his more negative tendencies. Not all men have this type of personality and not all men act like this though. There are still good men out there :-); December 27, 2013 at 6:01 PM
Anonymous said...: So far negative!! Although he seems really nice, funny, and affectionate, he's also very distant and unresponsive whenever i contact him when it's just to say hello, he doesn't respond to my texts sometimes, and the only time he does respond is when i say i'm done with being ignored and that i'm moving on. He's so confusing because when we are together i feel so special, the sex is amazing and he likes to hug afterwards which is rare in a man, then the next day i won't hear from him...........and sometimes days after until like i said i say it's finished.

He's terribly tight too, always asking me to bring alcohol whenever we arrange to meet. I've been seeing him (having sex with) him for 3 months now and we haven't been out once, i've been waiting to see if this will change........and i'm still waiting. I like him considering these flaws but whenever i've brought up how he feels and what he wants he doesn't give me an answer.

I'm a Cancer female and don't know what to do, i've been thinking he's not really interested in a relationship he just wants sex, and if that's the case then i'll be ending it for good. It's such a shame he's the way he is because i see such a great person in the making. I'm even afraid to text him as i don't know if he'll reply to me it's like walking on eggshells and it's really hard to say what i feel to him now, i don't want to push him or put him under pressure so i say nothing now. But as a person this can't last for me as i'm an emotional person and say what i feel, i'll probably have to lick my wounds soon and try to make a better choice in the future, it's all about learning.; December 28, 2013 at 1:49 PM
Anonymous said...: Some of us Taurus guys collect fine pieces of art, Some collect fine pieces of china...but real Taurus men collect fine pieces of ass..LOL

To be honest I'm/were not out to hurt anybody its just hard to pass on something so easy to have. It's what Taurus is all about, the zodiacs male love object...would you really want it any other way?; December 29, 2013 at 9:55 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Taurus Male,
"its just hard to pass on something so easy to have."

Straight from the horses mouth ladies, LOL ;-)

If you want men to man up and "buy the cow," don't continue giving the milk away for free ;-); December 29, 2013 at 11:17 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous December 28, 1:49PM,
Do you see the comment from the anonymous Taurus male beneath yours dear?

"its just hard to pass on something so easy to have."

Again, if you want a man to man up and fulfill your needs, you have to signal that to him by withholding until he does so. Again, if the man is receiving the milk for free, why then would he buy the cow?

"I've been seeing him (having sex with) him for 3 months now and we haven't been out once, i've been waiting to see if this will change........and i'm still waiting."

What are you waiting for dear? He's not going to suddenly feel compelled to provide you with something that he's not been required to provide you with in the past - unless you demand that for yourself. And I don't mean by literally being demanding, I mean by learning to set healthy boundaries for yourself by saying "NO" and issuing CONSEQUENCES for poor treatment:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/how-to-say-no-dating-life-consequence.html

"I'm a Cancer female and don't know what to do"

You start saying no and you start issuing consequences. If he balks at that and/or disappears, then so be it. He wasn't genuinely interested anyway. That's how you filter men to see if they're even capable of having a real committed relationship and/or if they're even capable of it emotionally.

"I'm even afraid to text him as i don't know if he'll reply to me it's like walking on eggshells "

You shouldn't be texting him anyway - HE should be texting YOU and being the man and taking the lead. Stop texting him and see if he seeks you out. When he does and he invites you to come over for an exciting evening on his sofa (sarcasm there :-), you say NO and instead, you suggest that you'd like to meet for dinner. If he makes up an excuse and/or says no or that he doesn't have any money, etc. - then you simply say, "Okay I understand, maybe next time then." And you do NOT see him again until he is WILLING to fulfill YOUR needs first. Stop fulfilling his needs for sex until he STARTS fulfilling your needs for proper treatment.

If you can be strong and do that for yourself dear - you'll suffer a lot less emotionally :-); December 29, 2013 at 11:26 AM
Anonymous said...: Your damn right I want my milk for free...Trust me, We do not "need" to play that game nor do we put up with it for long...Your wasting 31% of your time even trying that, Maybe you can figure out what i'll be doing with the rest...LOL.; December 29, 2013 at 8:43 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Taurus Male,
Careful with your over-confidence and that hefty sense of entitlement my friend, LOL. Realize this. . .as you grow older, you're going to find that your success with women wanes. I'm not being mean, it's simply a fact. While men are young, they tend to become easily over-sexed, but as they grow older and they begin to expand in the middle and lose their hair and suffer insecurities and performance issues and maybe one or two jaded romantic experiences, watching all of your friends settle down, get married, having kids and starting adult lives and having earned a reputation in town and in your social circle of a player and watching women suddenly steer clear of you and then. . .guess what?

You end up on the other end of that stick you're wielding - the short end.

And you may find yourself later in life all alone, part of the "woulda, shoulda, coulda" club, sitting in the recliner, thinking and drinking and ruminating over what "woulda" happened, what you "shoulda" done and what you "coulda" had.

Just sayin' - seen it time and time again, over-confident men plow their way through women without conscience for decades of their life, not investing in anyone or anything but themselves and the fulfillment of shallow sexual satisfactions, never creating anything meaningful for themselves - if you think it can't possibly happen to you, it does.

Someday your luck will run out my friend and you will be humbled and brought down to size just like everyone else that's human (and not invincible). So I guess you should enjoy it while it lasts, because when the milk runs out, you'll find yourself one day thinking, "Damn, I shoulda' bought that cow, if I woulda' just bought that cow, there was a day when I coulda' bought that cow". . . .just sayin' LOL ;-); December 30, 2013 at 10:33 AM
Anonymous said...: Don't help the jerk MOA! Let karma take care of his ass. He'll fall one day, they all do.; December 30, 2013 at 1:54 PM
Unknown said...: Mirror ....I need your help!!!! My boyfriend of two years is exactly how you described him....I am a Pisces 49, he is a 52....he has a HUGE pool of f$@k buddies he calls just friends....he spend all MY free time with me....and he is the most wonderful of boyfriend, he loves my kids as well...but when I am not around he picks for one of his friends, who are happily spending time with him....(he is retired so he has LOTS of free time on his hands)....I have just found out (he is oh SO honest with me)that he has this chick on the side who he is trying to do business with and invest in another Country with her...the problem is that she is in love with him and doing her best to get him involved with her .....He told me that she was told he is in an open relationship (open for him...I am not "open" at all....).....This is killing me....passing flings is one thing....have a business relationship with one of these women is another.....
He just told me to trust him...he told me he loves me dearly....he told me I am perfect for him ...he introduced me to his family, his kids....makes plan for the future....BUT he told me not to try to change him because will not have a woman tell him what to do....
I keep busy with work and with my kids....but this is killing me...I am in love but dont know how much of this sh@t I can take .....He is a user? does he uses me? does he uses these women?.....Mirror in your experience do I have a hope of being happy? people who know him told me he is absolutely wonderful and he if he is honest with me then I can cope...people who do not know me say to take my heart and run for the hills....I give myself another six month to sit and watch.....; January 3, 2014 at 8:32 AM
Anonymous said...: Blah, Blah, Blah...Why do men die?...they want to; January 5, 2014 at 3:28 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: "Blah, Blah, Blah...Why do men die?...they want to"

Blah, blah, blah...why do women disregard entitled men with bad attitudes after a length of time...because of boring, mindless drivel like that.; January 5, 2014 at 3:38 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Antlnella,
"he told me not to try to change him because will not have a woman tell him what to do...."

That's okay dear, you don't have to change him. You simply have to accept that this man is NOT relationship material. He does not have the skills nor the willingness to make the woman in his life feel secure, happy and loved. Instead, he likes to keep women feeling anxious and uneasy, always on the "edge" emotionally, which gives him the power in the relationship. And that is NOT a man that is relationship material dear :-( That is NOT a man that will make you happy in the long run. Instead, he'll keep you in a suspended state of anxiety and emotional turmoil.

So instead of trying to change him or thinking he will change, I'd suggest that you accept the fact that this man is not relationship material nor is he a man willing to make the sacrifices necessary to have one (like cleaning up his act and ridding himself of his "buddies" and not rubbing your face in them.)

"I am in love but dont know how much of this sh@t I can take"

You won't be able to take it dear and neither would any other women, which is why this man is being touted to others as "in an open relationship." That right there says a lot about him and his character as a man dear :-( And it also says he's not a relationship type of man.

"Mirror in your experience do I have a hope of being happy?"

Well dear, you're clearly UNHAPPY right now - so what makes you think that will change, ya' know? This man is driving you crazy emotionally as it would any woman, nor does he appear willing to change. So knowing that, no, you will not be happy with this man because he will not change and this will continue to go on. Which is why I suggest that you accept that he is not relationship material dear and save yourself and end it with him :-(

"people who know him told me he is absolutely wonderful and he if he is honest with me then I can cope"

Yea but HOW do they know him dear? Have they ever been emotionally involved with him? Because knowing someone as a friend is completely different from knowing them romantically. Guys can be one person with their friends, and a completely different person emotionally with a significant other. Men who cheat are still nice guys to their friends - because they not cheating ON THEIR FRIENDS, ya' know? So people who aren't on the receiving end of his emotionally abusive ways will naturally say he's a nice guy because he's not hurting THEM. But his significant other who's sitting at home being cheated on - is hurting.

So if they don't know him in a romantic way - it doesn't matter what they say or think of him because they're not on the receiving end of his treatment.; January 5, 2014 at 4:05 PM
Anonymous said...: MOA How are you? I was reading about how Taurus Men can make any woman fall in love with him even if she has a bf or sh is married. Is this true MOA?? Is TM that good? If he is, what kind of spell does Taurus Men have that other zodiac signs don't have? Thanks; January 9, 2014 at 1:51 PM
Overthinking as usual said...: Hi Mirror, I need your advice.. Taurus male asked me to be his girlfriend two years ago but I wasn't ready for a relationship then. Unfortunately, we stopped talking and the only interaction we had were "liking" each others' posts on social media. It was then I realized I like him too and recently finally mustered up the courage to initiate a conversation with him again after so long. We clicked as usual, as if we had been speaking everyday and he said he was really happy to catch up with me. But also found out through social media that he had been meeting up with his other female friend of few years very frequently and has been surprising her with gifts. (read the comments above and thought he might be interested in her) Asked him about it, but he kept emphasizing how he hasn't met any other women he adored, and was extremely curious about my relationship status (i indicated my availability- shamelessly haha)

Not sure if i should distance myself from him -- i am really happy to speak with him again and would like to see if things will work out again this time. Is he still interested or he is just keeping me on the leash while he pursues his female friend? I am a Virgolibra Cusp while he's Aries-Tarus Cusp, if it would aid in the analysis. Thanks in advance, I appreciate your efforts in replying the comments! Thank you! :); January 14, 2014 at 11:17 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Overthinking as usual,
"Is he still interested or he is just keeping me on the leash while he pursues his female friend?"

That depends - is HE contacting and pursuing YOU, or is it the other way around? Because the only way a woman can know if a man is genuinely interested is to see if HE pursues HER.

"Aries-Tarus Cusp"

I'm a Aries/Taurus cusp and just so you know, it's considered the "Cusp of Power" (and sometimes, it's incredibly strong. Hitler was an Aries/Taurus cusp, as was Queen Elizabeth II, Catherine the Great and Lenin just to name a few, LOL ;-)

http://sylviasky.hubpages.com/hub/The-Unstoppable-People-Born-April-21-24

"hard-wired to win any argument and vault any obstacle. They combine boldness and cleverness with staying power. Competitors should prepare for defeat or just let them win. . unstoppable, even if competing for the title of "the most evil" or "the most pathetic."

http://xstrologyscopes.com/articles/aries/aries-taurus-cusp

"the Aries/Taurus combination is one you do not want to fight against. I say this because you may never win; a fire/earth combination is never easy to beat. Aries is a fiery and impulsive sign. They charge forward even where angels fear to tread and have no problem doing what needs to be done to obtain their objective. The Taurus part of this combination grounds the impulsiveness and provides an air of practicality and endurance. It is like a tug of war and the feel of both involved is set in concrete. The Aries Taurus combination is truly dominant and capable of being a force you cannot control. Make no doubt, they will be a leader wherever they end up being and you will do their bidding. At home or even at work, they are the established principal and do not like submitting to someone else’s authority."

I'd proceed slowly with this one and with caution. This cusp can be used for "good" or for "evil" purposes, depending on how evolved the individual is. It basically amounts to an individual with some serious staying power and with some hefty influence when they decide to wield it, again either for good or bad purposes.

I'd suggest that you not rush into anything here and simply sit back, observe and see if he pursues and if he follows through with action on his promises. If you do that, you'll remain at a safe distance, LOL ;-); January 14, 2014 at 4:56 PM
Anonymous said...: Hello. This msg is for MOA too! I (like many on here) have that confusing TM (I am an Aries woman, not sure if I am a cusp being both on the 18th of April). I will make and keep my little story short. TM came into my world about 6 or seven years ago and I would not give him the time of day. I just had no interest. One day on my Twitter acct, he appeared but I honestly had no recollection of who he was. He just didn't appeal to me at all. I wasn't attracted mentally or physically, and didn't have a care of what he had to say. He would be all over my tweets and always had something to say to me. I am very polite so I would converse back. He of course was a flirt, but again, I was not interested. Somewhere along the lines, I kind of fell. At first it was a rebound (I think) because I had just got out of something with a VM, and his attention was keeping me from thinking of that ex. He actually helped me finally stray away from VM as it was always hard to do. Long story short, I ended up falling for him. I shared my number with him and not long after we began exchanging racy images and videos. We would talk on the phone for hours and I would actually enjoy it as I am not a phone person. We often talked about what we would do to each other and confirmed that intimacy would indeed happen. I did not give him the no strings attached option. We finally decided to meet with me going to where he lived (hour plane ride). It was me that chose the date and the length of time I was to be out there. I can't say he reeled me in because I used him to get over the ex more than likely. He was that one that called me, and I was the one that texted even though he said he really didn't like texting (he still did it tho to speak to me).; January 14, 2014 at 10:51 PM
Anonymous said...: Part 2
Anyway, I went to his place for nights and 4 days, and he was wonderful. When I first got there I went into his bedroom and began going through my things, and he stopped and stared at me for a good 5 seconds and said " your very pretty!" I thanked him because it was of course polite. We did indeed have sex that evening, but again, this was something we both knew we would do. The next morning, he cooked me breakfast. Nothing extravagant, but I thought it was still sweet. I bought lunch by choice that day. It was enough to last until dinner. WE didn't go anywhere. I was OK with that. We stayed in the house the ENTIRE TIME and watched football games (he taught me a little), movies, documentaries, and series. He made me laugh and we both really had a good time. He went out and got breakfast and just bought me what he thought I would want to eat even though he knew that I had no appetite thanks to a lactose issue. I pretty much just chilled out in his home for the entire time and not once did we have any issues. He told me he was glad I was there because he as able to think clear. He did get a bit spoiled with me massaging his shoulder and rubbing his upper body down, but I didn't care, I liked rubbing him. His kisses we as if he was telling me how much he loved me with every meet. They went the quick pecks, they were these long lingering pecks. When I would lay on the couch he would come over and put my legs across him and just rub them. we even sat next to each other the day I was to go home holding each other sitting cheek to cheek. He ldld me rather tight too. He doesn't have much, doesn't have the fanciest clothes, no car, not a lot of money, and is not perfect, but I still like him.
So...I get home and I am just in total awe. I thought " yea he likes me, were gonna start something!" I was expecting him to say I miss you. nope. He told me he had an extremely good time with me the weekend. OK. Ill take it. My mind was raging and I just had to let him know that OK, I am interested in you. I told him that I was writing him a message and he replied with an awkward "O...K." I told him that I was interested in him and that he was the best in bed, I told him that his kiss tore through my soul and that he was the first man to dominate me in bed (mentally but I don't think he understood that). I pretty much praised him because I read that TM like that, plus it was true. He replied to me "thank you for the kind message but I just took what was given to me lol. I really wanted to take you out of your situation and give you rest and peace because you don't have that right now but hopefully not for long." WTF?!? I...was...floored! I felt like a straight fool! Like, did I just spend a magical weekend with you only to feel like you did me a service? I mean I really thought he was interested in me. Anywas I responded calmly. I told him "Im good. Thank you" And left it at that. The next morning I sent a msg that said good morning, I hope you have a good day. He responded to me that evening saying hey sister whats good. The dude called me sister! I said" Sister?!" and he said "sister, home slice, baby girl, all of that". So now I'm siting here like a big fool wondering ifs he is testing me or if he played me even though that entire weekend was perfect. I deleted me Facebook and twitter account because I feel as though I could be doing more to better myself, but I honestly want to know what to do about this man in order to turn what he might think about me around. I like him and would love to get to know him more than I do.
Any help i SOOOO appreciated!; January 14, 2014 at 10:51 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Jan 14, 10:51 PM,
"I shared my number with him and not long after we began exchanging racy images and videos. . . We often talked about what we would do to each other and confirmed that intimacy would indeed happen."

If you start off giving the impression that it's all about sex dear and that you're willing to enter into a sexual situation right away dear...then it's going to head towards "casual" or "hookup" territory quick :-(

"We finally decided to meet with me going to where he lived (hour plane ride)."

NEVER go to a man first dear - EVER. If you do that, it's like a man ordering up a pizza, only he's ordering sex. He's ordering up sex, and it's arriving on a big jet plane, right on his doorstep :-(

"I used him to get over the ex more than likely."

Not good dear :-(

"I went to his place for nights and 4 days"

When meeting like this dear, it's best to stay somewhere else other than his home. This guy's got it too easy here. He didn't have to WORK at any of this to PROVE to YOU that he was genuinely interested :-(

"WE didn't go anywhere. I was OK with that. We stayed in the house the ENTIRE TIME and watched football games"

Not good dear. You shouldn't be okay with that. You DESERVE more than that. You deserve better treatment than that. Don't be okay settling for that from a man dear, because if you do, that's as good as it will EVER get. The man won't step up to the plate to ever offer you better, because you've "settled" previously for less, ya' know?

"He told me he had an extremely good time with me the weekend."

Ugh, that's because the whole thing was approached from the lens of sex and came off like a brief fling :-( I'm sorry, but that's how men look at that dear.

"thank you for the kind message but I just took what was given to me lol."

Ugh, see what I mean dear? It was too easy for him and because of that, he took it for granted and didn't value it because he didn't have to put any work or effort into it :-( He basically dialed up for sex, it landed on his doorstep, he didn't have to lift a finger for you the entire time you were there and never once even took you out and treated you like a lady, he got back rubs and loads of attention...he got off scott free here :-(

Cont. . .; January 15, 2014 at 7:50 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: "WTF?!? I...was...floored! I felt like a straight fool!"

I know dear :-( And that's completely understandable. But if you pull back for a sec and look at the reality of this, I think you'll have a better understanding of what happened here. Being overly eager and too available and to "ready" to people, has the opposite effect of what one might expect. Instead of them valuing that and appreciating it, when people don't have to work for things or earn them and get them for free, they tend to take them for granted. It's the Law of Scarcity dear and manufacturers use that psychological tactic often. There's a reason that the latest and greatest gadget is produced only in limited quantities during the holidays. Because manufacturers know that the "less" of something there is, the more scarce it is, the more people will attempt to earn it by chasing it down and spending a lot of time trying to locate and acquire it. The more scarce something is, the higher the value that's placed on it psychologically. If you stood on the corner and gave 100,000 of them away for free everyday, no one would want one because the market would be flooded with them and they would be considered cheap, free gadgets. That's how the Law of Scarcity works in manufacturing and the economy dear, and it works the same in dating as well :-(

"I mean I really thought he was interested in me."

The way to know a man is interested in you dear, is to make him work to earn you and your trust. He has to call regularly, ask you out regularly, take you out and treat you like a lady, be consistent in his actions, make sacrifices to see you, make time for you, etc. - he has to SHOW you that with ACTION and not just a bunch of flowery WORDS.

"So now I'm siting here like a big fool wondering ifs he is testing me or if he played me even though that entire weekend was perfect."

I think he looked at it as a hookup dear, a brief fling, because it began like that and kinda went down like that. And I imagine he probably thought you were looking at it the same way since you seemed fine with it :-(

"I honestly want to know what to do about this man in order to turn what he might think about me around."

Nothing you do or say can make someone want to be with you dear. Save yourself the grief and pain, chalk it up to a lesson learned and create a new approach the next time around. It's all you can really do dear. If he wants you, he knows where to find you. But when he comes looking, and I imagine he will (do NOT contact this man, he'll view that as you pursuing him, so let HIM contact YOU), don't be so willing, don't be so available and don't be so accomodating - and see if that draws him towards you. See if he starts to wonder why YOU are pulling away, and see if that pulls him towards you. It's really all you can do at this point dear. Don't beat yourself up over this, we've all been there and you can see by the comments all over this site - you are NOT alone dear.

Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and start anew dear - the best revenge is doing WELL ;-); January 15, 2014 at 7:50 PM
ME said...: THANK YOUSO MUCH, MOA!
I did feel bad at first but after reading your words I feel much better. Im chalking it up just like you said. I think I will indeed pull away and not be so available. I agree with everything you said. Its weird that he would just look at the who weekend as a hookup. I mean, who cooks breakfast for someone they just want to hook up with? I think Ill be 100% fine as long as I keep myself busy. Ive never been treated like this before and I have never "hooked up" like this before either.
My next question (if you don't mind) is, when he does come lurking around, how do I reverse that "I got her in the palm of my hand" thought being I told him I was interested in him I was and how wonderful he was that weekend? I thought to pull away and sporadically converse with him (after he contacts) or not entertain those convos we had prior to being together, but Ive already dealt my best card (sex) and nothing really trumps that. Has there even been hope for a woman who slept with a man too fast where she ended up turning the tables and he came chasing her? I keep thinking of the movie Boomerang when Robin G totally whipped Eddie M, but she didn't reveal her feelings, he did lol.; January 15, 2014 at 9:24 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @ME,
"Has there even been hope for a woman who slept with a man too fast where she ended up turning the tables and he came chasing her?"

It's tough dear, I won't lie, to reverse first impressions. But it can be done, although there are no guarantees. My suggestion would be to distance yourself, not contact him and let him come to you and when he does, don't always be available to him. See if that draws him towards you. If not, don't try harder, just try to accept that this one wasn't a match if that happens :-); January 16, 2014 at 9:59 AM
Anonymous said...: omg.. Like I had to look up about Taurus men because as of right now I am dealing with 3 of them!!... Ok like one is my boy friend.. and the other two are my Co workers... and all are charming but sad to say I have a huge crush one one if my Co workers; February 3, 2014 at 7:28 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm am a Cancer female and I fell head over heals in love with a Taurus man. I think it's safe to say that he kept my head spinning. The beginning was unlike anything I've ever experienced before and now almost 7 months later. Granted, I did push him away. I also commented on the No Contact article about that experience. I'm still not over him yet, not by a long shot I'm sill just really confused by the whole experience to be honest.; February 5, 2014 at 5:49 PM
anonymous said...: I've been at my job since 2012 January and I'm not a guy that comes in here who is also a Taurus he's been married for 40 years I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 10 years almost 11at first we just talked casually then we started talking about how we don't have sex with our mates anymore I'm very rare one thing led to another and now we've done it 3 times together and been fooling around for about a year now don't really know where this is going I guess we'll just have to wait and see if anybody has any opinions on this situation please let me know what to doanother there in time somebody says they are because I can't quit thinking about this guy; February 17, 2014 at 8:38 AM
Anonymous said...: Absolutely insane. I met a Taurus man two or three years ago who has played with my emotions mercilessly since. Well that isn't really fair because I sort of played with his sometimes too in revenge. But I'm honestly not that type of person, I just can't help but fight fire with fire when it involves him. He made it clear to me and even his best friends that he was interested in dating me. We hung out, it seemed pretty great, he stuck around for a few days then disappeared. The first time all I could think was that it was the strangest thing ever to happen to me. I assumed he wasn't actually interested and stopped trying to communicate. But of course two weeks later he came back like nothing happened. It was fine the first time because we didn't really know each other so I couldn't be angry.

Two years later it was just ridiculous. I think over the span of almost three years we only actually saw each other ten times. We never had sex, he was always respectful. He invited me to his parents house once, and introduced me to his friends on other occasions. Each time we'd talk for a few days or weeks and then he'd be gone again. I'd text or give him a call and he'd never get back to me. I wouldn't expect him to always respond same day but come on, he could have answered at some point.

I spoke to him last about seven months ago. This time I wasn't having it. I didn't try to call him out like other times, I just told him everything in my life had been fantastic and I was glad to hear he was well. I tried to put him and his craziness out of my mind, and I thought things were looking up for me.

But then I found out he has a girlfriend. (mindblown)

Now I can take it personally? I thought maybe he just couldn't commit but I guess it was just never gonna work between us. I don't even feel played. Sometimes I really believe it just came naturally to him to act that way. I'm weirdly heartbroken.

This article actually made me feel better because I could connect his behavior to his being a Taurus. Maybe. I don't know, I just needed to vent because I have no where to turn right now.

Craziness.; March 4, 2014 at 10:54 PM
JerksGirl said...: Mirror, Everyone, thank you so much for this site, I have been reading for hours.

I have been in love with a Taurus for quite some time. Both in our 40s. I left my husband for this man, for an online long distance relationship of 2 years. Add 3 1/2 years living together (He moved across the country for me) and last week he tells me he needs a break. This past week was rough as he was being distant, so I was letting him do his thing and I backed off as not to crowd him. It was making me crazy while he was distant but I knew I had to let it play out. (I am Saggi and not your ordinary sag either - I am a homebody too) I can elaborate on what I believe are the reasons hes not happy if I need to. I was happy (maybe not 100%) probably because there was no sex for a year. (medical issues for both of us)

He's still affectionate, still telling me he loves me (but is doing all the things I hear are "Im going to break up with you" red flags-too bad I missed them) and we are still being kinda normal. Content is what I feel. Well, this past weekend, I worked away (he was out playing with friends) and I came home late and he fixed me a surprise dinner. Then he gets on the phone to mother and i go to bed... the next morning he makes me coffee... totally being sweet, and he starts getting dressed and says hes going to run some errands - would i like to get a bite after... WHY the hell I teared up I will never know... WHY didnt I just tell him sure, sounds great. No I gotta shed a tear and THEN......".I am not in love with you anymore". Um, yeah, okay, where did that come from? I also get a "I resent you because you "baited" me out here, and I also get a "I wish I could crawl under a rock, sell the house I bought for us and move back home....:" I guess I really did this guy in and Im really not sure how. This is not in anger either, its sincere. He goes out for errands and doesnt come back til midnight (thats also another story where he was) and he leaves at 2 am to stay in the house he bought for us a year ago, he also said hes felt this way for a year... seriously blindsided. Hurt. Confused.

So by the way, I have always thought a break was not a break. A break is go out for a few mins and its back to usual when you get back, I think hes trying to let me down easy. Says he needs to find himself. Wants to decide if he wants to be with me. Tired of hurting me. (I am OVER sensitive to a lot of things he says because they are usually about my mom, kid or my dog- the main reasons hes unhappy) I feel like if you have to think about whether you want to be with me - you probably dont.

I said lets give it a week no contact ( I have to have him out of that house this weekend for a project) and maybe we can try a text. Go from there. I have tried very hard not to contact him and I have to admit i have done better than expected. I will need to txt him or something just to tell him when. I said if need be, give it another week. Then we can try to talk.

By the way, as he was leaving, he kissed me, said he loved me and told me its not permanent (yeah, right, we will see) I also did not say anything to that, I just let it go. He said "i'll call you" and I drove away.

Any ideas??? I just need something positive to come out of this. I feel like he lied to me about all those things, to make me feel better for him leaving. Because he KNEW he was killin' me.; March 5, 2014 at 11:17 PM
JerksGirl said...: Oh, and after I gave away all my power, and begged like a child, I also offered to work on the relationship with honesty, understanding and compromise. He declined. =(; March 5, 2014 at 11:23 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @JerksGirl,
"I am not in love with you anymore". Um, yeah, okay, where did that come from?"

"I resent you because you "baited" me out here, and I also get a "I wish I could crawl under a rock, sell the house I bought for us and move back home....:" I guess I really did this guy in and Im really not sure how.

You didn't do him in dear - he's blaming you - but the reality there is that he's ticked off at himself for the decisions he's made, which HE is responsible for, NOT YOU. A grown man needs to take responsibility and accountability for HIS OWN actions, and not be a baby that blames everyone else for his own decisions in life.

"he also said hes felt this way for a year... seriously blindsided."

Hmm...why so surprised dear? Not to be rude but "I was happy (maybe not 100%) probably because there was no sex for a year." That should've been a red flag dear. Men don't want roommates, they want lovers, they want physical contact - it's very important to them - and sex is what keeps the bond between two individuals alive. Lack of it is an indication that something is wrong. And when medical conditions are present, two individuals can usually work around that to some extent. It may not be 100% where it needs to be, but two people can still provide physical affection to one another in some form, even if minor, under those conditions.

"I have always thought a break was not a break. A break is go out for a few mins and its back to usual when you get back,"

Not in a man's world dear :-( A break means exactly that to them - "break"ing up, "break"ing apart, "break"ing away. When a man says he needs a break he's talking about a break up. If he just needs a moment alone, most times that'll be a "need to clear my head" moment. But breaks...are break ups to them nine times out of ten.

"I also offered to work on the relationship with honesty, understanding and compromise. He declined."

Well, if he's not willing to work on the relationship dear - then it's over, ya' know? :-(

One person cannot hold together a relationship. Particularly when there isn't any physical contact to aid them in holding it together. When folks are physical, it releases endorphines in the brain (the same ones that drugs release) and it creates the state of love...being in love. It's a mindset, a phase that the brain goes through, and physical interaction aids in this feeling because it prompts the release of the endorphines.

Without it dear, not only is there no physical bond, there won't be a mental "love" bond either :-(

There's no "glue" here holding this together, other than the obligations you feel towards one another and a "roommate" status, ya' know? And to be honest, when someone feels obligated to another, feels somewhat responsible for another's happiness, it can cause exactly what he claimed....resentment :-(

Cont...; March 6, 2014 at 8:56 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: I think some time apart is definitely what you two need at this point. If you don't miss him, that should tell you something - and him the same. When a relationship reaches that stage, it's died a very natural death (I'm sorry) and it's come full circle. Most times, a mutually agreeable part is what follows, with neither side feeling jilted or hurt, but simply "done" ya' know?

I'm sorry, I know this isn't probably what you wanted to hear...but you're not missing him right now and you haven't been physical in some time...so it kinda is what it is, ya' know? Rather than fight that reality, I'd suggest embracing it and then doing what needs to be done so that you both can find your own happiness here.

It's better to be single and alone, than miserable and coupled up. And you can still be with someone and feel alone, lonely. If that's the case, you're better off being single and at least giving yourself the chance at happiness with a new man that may appear in your future as a result of a break up, ya' know?; March 6, 2014 at 8:57 AM
Anonymous said...: I’ve been with a Taurus male for 4 years (I am a female Taurus) and our relationship had been amazing. His kids love me to death and call me mom, he loves me, great sex life, great fun together. We don’t live together (he lives with his mom due to employment issues and raising his kids) but have made it a goal once he gets on his feet. I always trusted him and he trusted me. I.e. he gives me full access to his email, facebook, phone, everything and tells me he has nothing to hide. His family says I am the best thing to ever happen to him.

In December I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and I received a text at 3.30am in the morning (remember we don’t live together) saying,

Him: ‘When can we meet up?’
Me: ‘Huh? Are you awake?’
Him: ‘Always, sounds like you need sleep.’
Me: ‘I woke up to go pee, why are you up?’
Him: ‘Lol, another time.’
Me: ‘Huh? Another time?’
Him: ‘Sorry honey Im half asleep. But I’m up with the kids. I was thinking of you when I was asleep and still thinking of you.’
Me: ‘Who were you gonna meet up with, lol?’
Him: ‘You I thought’
Me: ‘Night’

I was blindsided......Immediately I said good night and went to bed with my mind racing. I was not sure how to react or what to say. Just the thought of him meeting someone else in the middle of the night threw me completely off kilter. I went to sleep didn’t speak to him (he texted a few times with ‘hi honey’ ‘how are you?’) That evening I confronted him and accused him of messaging someone else, he denied it till he was blue in the face and told me to walk. I couldn’t believe he was ready to throw out everything, let me walk, all right before xmas. I was even moving in a couple weeks to move closer to him. He insisted that it was ME he was texting that night and there was nobody else and he wanted to see how I was. WTF.

Finally I (stupidly) gave him an out and said, ‘OK fine you were texting me.’ My suspicions were on high alert. I went through his email and found a photo of a girl I never met. So a couple weeks later I casually asked, ‘Hey why don’t we go to that strip club we used to go to with our friends a couple years back?’ He says OK. We go and I see the girl in that exact photo I found in his email. She walked up to us and said hello. Immediately something in me told me he slept with her. He claimed that she been his friend for years (and why have I never met her?) and nothing ever happened between them. The entire time I was talking to her my gut kept telling me things I didn’t want to know. I noticed she has a Scorpio tattoo on her wrist and she told me she was.

We left that night and he had been drinking and said some things I will never ever forget that brought me to tears. We always had a great sex life and enjoyed each other, butt when he was in the taxi with me that night while I was questioning about her he commented, ‘Taurus and Scorpio have GREAT sex.’ I said, ‘Whats her zodiac sign?’ and he tells me to hush (he says, ‘Shhhhh’) I’m like WTF. I was shattered. He regretted that comment and I think wish he never said it.; March 6, 2014 at 3:01 PM
Anonymous said...: CONT'D

Believe it or not, I became obsessed with knowing the truth once and for all and demanded to go to that strip club nearly every Friday to see if I could find out something from her or sense anything. Every time it’s a huge fight between us and I leave feeling horrible.

Ever since he has been denying and telling me I am far off from my suspicions. That I can talk to her and ask her and she would confirm nothing happened between them. That he loves me forever and wants me and only me. But I’m gutted and thinking he did sleep with her or had relations with her behind my back. I have zero proof except for the text he sent me and (possibly) that photo. I wish I stood my ground back when I got that text but allowed myself to be blinded by love.

At this time I will never know if he did anything. But more than anything I just wonder does he really love me? Does he really want me or just waiting this out till something better comes? I thought I was a good girlfriend and his family loved me. I even became obsessed with looking up Taurus-Scorpio relationships and sex, and feeling inadequate and comparing myself to her. Even looking for some similarities between her and I.

Now I am guarding my heart and keeping my eyes open and working on improving and healing myself. I have no idea where this relationship is going to go. He constantly tells me he loves me and begs me to believe him and he doesn’t want to lose me. It’s like he refuse to admit it but acting as though he did.

And this has changed my perspective completely on Taurus men! To be frank, your excerpt on the Dark Side of Taurus Males did help much, lol.; March 6, 2014 at 3:02 PM
JerksGirl said...: @mirror

I appreciate what you said, and while I have had time to think and re-read my post, I really left some stuff out. About the baiting, I agree totally. When I met him I was a lonely jobless housewife who lived with her mother until she got back on her feet. When he moved out here to be with me I was still a jobless, and living with mother til I got back on my feet. Still - yup his decision and I even remember trying to talk him out of coming.

You didn't do him in dear - he's blaming you - but the reality there is that he's ticked off at himself for the decisions he's made, which HE is responsible for, NOT YOU. A grown man needs to take responsibility and accountability for HIS OWN actions, and not be a baby that blames everyone else for his own decisions in life.
Again, you are 100% correct. He has been this way as long as Ive known him. Always blaming others for something. Nothing is ever his fault.

“Hmm...why so surprised dear? Not to be rude but "I was happy (maybe not 100%) probably because there was no sex for a year."”

You’re by no means rude, but I should have said I am unhappy because we are still in my mothers home 3 ½ years later. (and no sex) ;)

“ That should've been a red flag dear. Men don't want roommates, they want lovers, they want physical contact - it's very important to them - and sex is what keeps the bond between two individuals alive.”

It was a red flag. I even told him I felt like a roommate.A year ago...when things slowed down. I was asking for once a month. He promised it was not the case. He just gave excuses. I was tired of being rejected in the bedroom, honestly, I thought we were closer than that. I am the one who never stopped the desire, but I did give up on the initiating.

Medical conditions = for him I believe was low-T. No desire. He showed me more affection than I knew what to do with and I Loved it – every minute of it. It just wasn’t sexual. Intimacy in the way every woman wants yes… snuggling, holding each other going to sleep and endless kisses and touches. It was bliss. I asked him to stop searching for the snake oil sellers online and in the radio commercials and seek real help from his doctor. He just would not go.

“If he just needs a moment alone, most times that'll be a "need to clear my head" moment. But breaks...are break ups to them nine times out of ten.”

Thats what I kept telling him. Why did he lie to me and keep saying, ‘I need some time, I need some space, I need to miss you…’ I am the one who kept saying “YOU ARE BREAKING UP WITH ME!!!” he would say “ no… I need some time”… Why do you think he denied this if he knew I KNEW that’s what he was doing? Makes no sense to me. Coward? Guilt? But why be a douche and lie and just kill me further?

“Well, if he's not willing to work on the relationship dear - then it's over, ya' know? :-(“

I believe its because most of them are irresponsible cowards, who "solve" problems by running away. I am still hopeful. But being an optimist, thats what I get. (sagitarius)

Cont…; March 6, 2014 at 10:04 PM
JerksGirl said...: “I think some time apart is definitely what you two need at this point. If you don't miss him, that should tell you something - and him the same.

I'm sorry, I know this isn't probably what you wanted to hear...but you're not missing him right now and you haven't been physical in some time...so it kinda is what it is, ya' know? Rather than fight that reality, I'd suggest embracing it and then doing what needs to be done so that you both can find your own happiness here.”

I DO miss him... in fact I am terrified about how much I miss him… I am trying so hard to hold it together and I just want to scream. I feel like an addict who cant find her crack pipe.

I did tell him before he left that if he cant walk out of here without feeling any hurt at all, and no regrets walking out, then we still have something. It probably didn’t mean anything to him but I gave it a shot. He said what if I cant give you what you want… (not sure what he meant there – sex maybe? God he must think I am a nymph or something - ppht…hardly) I said we can work on it together.

I am doing no contact -- but again, only because this is a "break" (his words) Im not sure about the text after a week. Who should initiate? Its only been about 5 days NC. He is off work tomorrow. I have a feeling he will want to get his things. Not that I'm trying to hold them hostage, but am I supposed to make him wait? 3 day rule should he contact me?

I know I have to see him at some point. His belongings are here. His house is filled with my things.

and you rock by the way. You give awesome advice ;); March 6, 2014 at 10:27 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @JerksGirl,
"Why do you think he denied this if he knew I KNEW that’s what he was doing?"

Because this is a guy who doesn't take any responsibility for his own actions and decisions. He's in constant "deflect" mode - deflecting things off of himself is his first instinct. So when you confront him with the reality...his gut reaction is to deflect (it off of him) and swing into denial.

Breaking up IS what he's doing, it IS what he's referring to there...but he doesn't want to actually take any responsibility or accountability for that decision. So when presented with the reality, he begins to deflect and deny.

"Who should initiate?"

Let him do that. Let him man up here and be responsible for that. And let him do it when he's ready, once he misses you as he claims.

"am I supposed to make him wait?"

You do whatever feels most natural to you dear. Don't place him first, place yourself first. Meaning, don't be forced to do anything you're uncomfortable with. If he can take some space, so can you, no harm no foul. If you're ready to face him, then that's what you do (but don't do that in a heightened emotional state or it will go south quickly dear). If you're not ready to face him and you need more time, then you do that. Whatever YOU need to do....you do :-); March 7, 2014 at 7:46 AM
JerksGirl said...: Thank you again for that.

I actually reflect back and you are so, so right. He does not take responsibility for a lot of things. I am thinking back on a lot of his ways, he's also selfish, he's a whiner (complains about everything) and he is a bully. It really makes him feel better to pick on those smaller than he is. And nothing but self-loathing if he messes up about something. (very traumatic if he would cut his toenail too short)

However, The Taurus in him was totally selfless towards me, would never bully me, supported me in everything and was the sweetest man I have ever known. I think I was even spoiled to a point. My happy-go-lucky attitude was a blessing to both of us. I always try (and will always) try to see the greener pasture. Hell, even this grass would be greener with a little fertilizer. (don't let my positive attitude fool you- I want him back and want to fight for what we had or start over - I miss him bunches)

I know those are horrible traits, for any worthy man to have. He never used those (except for the complaining) towards me and if I was treated like that I would have been gone long ago.

What I meant by am I supposed to make him wait, I guess I was asking, do I need to wait the 3 days after he initiates contact? (This will probably be to get his things) I Do not want to see him if I am "in a mood" for sure, (getting his things would probably put me in that mood) but I also dont want to jeapordize any future possibility that we could re-unite later down the road. I want him to figure out if he wants this, and I want him to figure himself out too. I am far from selfish. I may realize too that this is better and we are better people for it.

I've already starting the "road to me" recovery. Not sure what in the world I am supposed to be doing. Not that I dont just break down at a moments notice, but I am stronger than this. Hey, thats the same thing I told myself when I was quitting smoking. I AM stronger than that. I will not let this control me. And I didnt. Perhaps I can use the same techniques.

The last time I was "dumped" was back in 1990... before texting and social media. It was a helluva lot easier to move on back then. I WISH for the life of me I could remember how I did it!; March 7, 2014 at 9:20 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @JerksGirl,
"do I need to wait the 3 days after he initiates contact?"

If I were you dear, I probably would. Realize that you have free will here so you can choose to do as you please. But if it were me, I would not jump on that call/contact. Because if you do, he's going to sense that you're too eager.

And in this case, he wants to "miss you"....so let him do exactly that ;-); March 7, 2014 at 6:48 PM
JerksGirl said...: @Mirror,

OKay well, I am going to do what you say. I cancelled my thing that was supposed to happen at his house for today. I just didnt feel right about being there without talking to him about it. And he hasn't called, I am even beginning to wonder if he will ever even want his things. I did tell him after a month, that the house would be cleared out (and unfortunately that would leave him with absolutely nothing) and he would be free of me. he bills will be put in his name and I hope he can "afford" to do what he wants to do and afford to live alone.

I am still so sad, and I am still trying to wrap my head around who I want to be. I want so desperately to reach out and get an answer even if its not the one I want. =(

Thank you for talking to me too, I have no one to turn to and no friends to speak of. Since my medical condition I have been bound to stay home for some time and don't go out or get out much. So I really appreciate the time you take to say a few words to me.; March 8, 2014 at 11:36 AM
JerksGirl said...: me again, I hope I didn't screw things up too bad. I went to the house to go pick up some things as I knew he would not be there because of the the thing this morning that I cancelled, I went around back and when I came back a truck was pulling in with some furniture on it. He pulled in and says Hi... he's lost sooo much weight. Looks skinny. Pale. I said Hi back and he walks over and asks how I'm doing. I said I've been alright. I was not prepared for this meeting. I wanted to be positive and almost happy - but I was extremely nervous and was sweating. He moved his things inside - we spoke a few words, I asked if he'd figured anything out... he said he'd call me tomorrow (which would be the week no contact) I do not want to push this man any further away from me. I got into my car, and he walked over to it and said i looked like Id lost weight too. I have... talked about how we need to take care of ourselves. I said something along the lines of when you're happy you take care of yourself and thats why I had suggested that we work together to get better and that way I can help be there for you and something....and still give you space... Baahhh... I heard myself and shut up immediately... Wow, I am such a bonehead. So, Im not going to sit by the phone, but I do feel the need to talk to him tomorrow since he did say he'd call... I'm just not sure how to handle this. if I listen to my gut, it says talk to him. Just dont answer his call and call him back in couple/few hours. and be nonchalant. Happy go lucky. Thats normally my attitude with everything.

He wasn't thrilled to see me obviously (he did call me hun- probably out of habit) I certainly could have handled this way better. -- signed, kickingmyselfinthepants; March 8, 2014 at 1:48 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @JerksGirl,
You know what you need to do dear? Because you just nailed the REAL problem you're having on the head and you don't even realize it:

"I am still trying to wrap my head around who I want to be."

Honestly, this has VERY little to do with this man - all that you're going through, particularly emotionally. But what's happening is, you're not sure where to place these feelings so...you're projecting them onto him, ya' know? I'm not saying this is your fault, that's not my point here and let's face it, it takes two to tango. But what I AM saying here is, all this sadness you're feeling and confusion - it has very little to do with him dear - but it has EVERYTHING to do with YOU. And it's precisely what's fooling you into thinking this man is so very important to you dear. While I'm sure he does hold a place of importance in your life, I also believe that...if you had a fulfilling life of your own, full of friends, activities, experiences of your own...it wouldn't seem like the end of the world that this isn't working out with him, ya' know?

This happens a lot with women and it's actually a dangerous thing to do because it's self-defeating. When a woman makes her ENTIRE life about a MAN - then naturally - when that man leaves, it's like her entire world's collapsed. It's co-dependency dear. Your life is dependent upon him. Your life experiences are dependent on him, your happiness is dependent upon him, your future is dependent upon him, your decisions are dependent upon him....get what I'm saying here? You're trapped in a co-dependent cycle right now that you need to break free from - that you need to become independent from.

And that independence will come from you having your own life experiences, you having your own friends and you making your own decisions that don't depend on a man being involved. When that happens dear, your life is FULL. And when you have a full life, when one piece of it falls away....it's not nearly the blow that it is when you don't have a full life and everything hinges on this one man being in it - and that one man leaves...leaving you with nothing to fall back on when that happens.

You may not understand this right now dear, but your goal should NOT be to hang onto this man and this relationship right now. Your goal for yourself should actually be for you to fill your life up - with friends, with new experiences, with travel and with activities that better yourself.

And you can begin to do things for yourself that help you along with that - in very small steps, that's all it takes. Imagine this because this is how it works dear. Imagine taking a class somewhere and in that class, you make twp new girlfriends. Then those girlfriends invite you out for an afternoon of shopping, coffee and lunch. Then the next weekend, you all decide to go out for an evening of dinner and drinks. Then during dinner and drinks, you all meet a couple of men and participate in conversation. And during that conversation, you connect with one of these men. And then he asks you out on a date....get what I'm throwing down here dear?

It only takes a few small tweaks in ones life to experience GREAT CHANGES and FULFILLING EXPERIENCES :-)

Cont...; March 9, 2014 at 10:19 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: Imagine if you took a few classes and made five new friends. Imagine the new experiences that would await you. Imagine the happiness that could bring. Imagine how fulfilling life could be a year from now.

That's what you need to focus on dear - YOUR future - YOUR happiness. And you need to realize that your future and your happiness do NOT depend on this man dear. They simply do not. It doesn't matter whether this man's in your life or not - happiness and fulfillment are attainable WITHOUT him and should be sought out by you.

Don't sit around waiting dear, get out there and LIVE:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2014/02/dating-feeling-helpless-what-to-do.html

Once you begin to do that, you'll see...you're going to feel SO much better and you're going to realize just how bright your future can actually be...with just a tiny bit of effort and a few small tweaks on your part to help yourself :-); March 9, 2014 at 10:20 AM
Anonymous said...: Thank you for sharing your experience with us, MoA! I love your blog, it really helped me!!
xoxoxo; March 17, 2014 at 5:08 PM
Anonymous said...: Careful with your over-confidence and that hefty sense of entitlement my friend, LOL. Realize this. . .as you grow older, you're going to find that your success with women wanes. I'm not being mean, it's simply a fact. While men are young, they tend to become easily over-sexed, but as they grow older and they begin to expand in the middle and lose their hair and suffer insecurities and performance issues and maybe one or two jaded romantic experiences, watching all of your friends settle down, get married, having kids and starting adult lives and having earned a reputation in town and in your social circle of a player and watching women suddenly steer clear of you and then. . .guess what?

You end up on the other end of that stick you're wielding - the short end.

And you may find yourself later in life all alone, part of the "woulda, shoulda, coulda" club, sitting in the recliner, thinking and drinking and ruminating over what "woulda" happened, what you "shoulda" done and what you "coulda" had.

Just sayin' - seen it time and time again, over-confident men plow their way through women without conscience for decades of their life, not investing in anyone or anything but themselves and the fulfillment of shallow sexual satisfactions, never creating anything meaningful for themselves - if you think it can't possibly happen to you, it does.

"Someday your luck will run out my friend and you will be humbled and brought down to size just like everyone else that's human (and not invincible). So I guess you should enjoy it while it lasts, because when the milk runs out, you'll find yourself one day thinking, "Damn, I shoulda' bought that cow, if I woulda' just bought that cow, there was a day when I coulda' bought that cow". . . .just sayin' LOL ;-)"

1) I have no "sense of entitlement".

2) I am older and the only reason it "wanes" is because I choose to.

3) I have all of my "hair and teeth"

4) "performance issues" That's funny, You do understand what your dealing with i hope.

5) "reputation" Like you have a clue

6) "player" We do not need to be players, That's weak anyways.

7) "the other end of that stick you're wielding" Some women are not keepers...sorry its sad and true, But unless you try you will never know right?

8) "over-confident" Really? that's just wrong!

9) "without conscience" Could not be farther from the truth...

10) "Someday your luck will run out" Luck has nothing to do with it. (See #7)...

Thanks for the insults, My Blah Blah Blah line was me Joking....Just another Taurus thing, I dont think you get.; March 22, 2014 at 1:03 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Taurus Male,
"1) I have no "sense of entitlement".

Really? Are you self-aware? Meaning, are you aware of the image you're projecting about yourself here then? I mean, you claim to have no sense of entitlement, yet you come here previously and you state this, "Your damn right I want my milk for free." What's that then? Because it sounds to me like you feel entitled to receive something for nothing from others there?

"as you grow older, you're going to find that your success with women wanes."

"2) I am older and the only reason it "wanes" is because I choose to."

Or maybe it's because of the entitled image you project? "Your wasting 31% of your time even trying that, Maybe you can figure out what i'll be doing with the rest"

"4) "performance issues" That's funny, You do understand what your dealing with i hope."

Sure do, I'm in my 40's. I'm not a twenty-something who hasn't had those life experiences yet.

"5) "reputation" Like you have a clue"

I got a clue when you came here and dropped that nonsense above.

"6) "player" We do not need to be players, That's weak anyways."

Sure is - yet YOU came and willingly gave that impression about YOURSELF here "Your damn right I want my milk for free"

"7) "the other end of that stick you're wielding" Some women are not keepers...sorry its sad and true, But unless you try you will never know right?"

Agreed. However, when you set out with this intention "Your damn right I want my milk for free" you're trying to get something off of others for nothing. If a woman isn't a keeper that's one thing. But when you set out from the get-go to USE HER and to try to get something off of her for nothing, then yea...you're weilding a power stick there.

"8) "over-confident" Really? that's just wrong!"

Hey don't get mad at ME here bud. If that's the wrong impression, then YOU shouldn't have given it about YOURSELF. YOU ARE THE ONE that CAME HERE and said thsi, "Your damn right I want my milk for free...Your wasting 31% of your time even trying that, Maybe you can figure out what i'll be doing with the rest." When you talk like that and you willingly give that impression of yourself...what do you expect people to think??? Again, self-awareness comes to mind. Are you even aware of the impression you gave of yourself here?

Cont...; March 22, 2014 at 11:21 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: "9) "without conscience" Could not be farther from the truth..."

Really? Because I see no remorse or conscience in these statements whatsoever "Your damn right I want my milk for free...Your wasting 31% of your time even trying that, Maybe you can figure out what i'll be doing with the rest...blah, blah, blah."

"10) "Someday your luck will run out" Luck has nothing to do with it."

Meaning, if you continue to talk and think like this, "Your damn right I want my milk for free" - it's only a matter of time before your luck runs out and women won't even want to date you to give you the opportunity to get something for nothing off of them.

"Thanks for the insults"

And I and the women here can say the same exact thing about this "Your damn right I want my milk for free." That's insulting and disrespectful to women, just sayin' - in case you weren't aware of the impression you gave.

"My Blah Blah Blah line was me Joking....Just another Taurus thing, I dont think you get."

Maybe so. But in case you don't get it, it was also another sign of disrespect - you mocking us. When someone is repeatedly disrespecting us and insulting us and then mocking us - how is that to be construed as a joke? And it brings to mind an old quote from Mahatma Gandhi:

"First they ignore you, then they mock you, then they fight you, then you win."

You're mocking us here (Blah Blah Blah) and you're fighting me now as we speak...can you guess how this will end, LOL ;-)

And hey, don't get mad....that "line was me Joking....Just another Taurus thing, I dont think you get."

And BTW, I'm a Taurus female.

Cont...; March 22, 2014 at 11:21 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: And now I just have to ask....you've come here not once, not twice, but three times. And the first two times, you showed disrespect and dropped insulting comments about women. Now you come back a third time...under the guise that it was all a joke, and you signal that I should somehow feel bad "Thanks for the insults."

What makes you think it's okay to be disrespectful, mocking and insulting towards others and the women here, and then turn around and try to manipulate me into feeling bad about simply pointing out to you - the impression that YOU GAVE US of YOURSELF???

If you don't like what's going on here, I would kindly ask you to look closely at how this began, "Your damn right I want my milk for free...Your wasting 31% of your time even trying that, Maybe you can figure out what i'll be doing with the rest."

YOU engaged US in this and YOU led that engagment with disrespect and insulting insinuations. Then you showed up a third time to follow it up with mocking behavior - and now I'M supposed to feel bad for insulting YOU???

Sorry. I'm too old to be falling for that childish prank. I'm going to agree to just disagree here. If you'd like to respond, go ahead, feel free and I'll publish it...but I won't be responding to any more of it.

I've made my points....and you've unknowingly also made my points here for me. Ladies, pay heed...; March 22, 2014 at 11:21 AM
Anonymous said...: The whole "damn right i want my milk for free is the truth...or do you somehow think we should pay some eternal dowry? After all you should know what a turn off that is for people of my sign. Do you bother to ask questions or do you just assume you know everything?

Here's all the ammo you will ever need...Darling

5/18/66, 10:32 PM Detroit burbs

Sun - Taurus
Moon - Taurus
Mercury - Taurus
Venus - Aries
Mars - Taurus
Jupiter - Cancer
Saturn - Pisces
Uranus - Virgo
Neptune - Scorpio
Pluto - Virgo
Node - Taurus

BTW...You seem a little jaded yourself, maybe i can help with that...LOL; March 23, 2014 at 10:56 PM
Anonymous said...: Hey MOA Taurus female here. Did you have anything to say or advise re: my March 6, 2014 situation? As it stands, we are planning on moving in together this summer as he wants to. But I am still constantly thinking now what his friendships with other women are really like and how he feels about them compared to me. Like I look for signs, interpret every freaking action and word of his to mean something. It’s no way to live and I’m losing a lot of energy. HE says he loves me, wants me to be with him and his children. At this point I am not sure how to move forward. What do you think? (P.S. I sent the first comment from my google account, can you please use anonymous cause I rather remain that way? Or just use the name Jess? Thanks so much!); April 24, 2014 at 3:30 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Apr 24, 3:30 PM,
I've already responded dear :-); April 24, 2014 at 3:54 PM
noirflower said...: Hi MOA,

I love your site and desperately need your WONDERFUL advice. I met a Taurus guy online (match) and he treats me very well. I've followed everything you've said and its worked. However, he is not the most attractive guy but he treats me well in every way.
So I have been dating him for about 2 months and talking since late Feb. He is 7 years older than me (im 21) and lives with a male roommate who I have met.
The thing that bothers me is that his ex is still in the picture.
Backstory: He has "supposedly" only been in one or two relationships. The last one with her lasting 6 years and ended in 2011 (which was actually 2012). They lived together for a bit and had a dog. I asked him if he still talks to her and he said not really but has her as a friend on facebook. He said they are still friends because they were friends before they dated. He broke up with her in 2011.He posted a picture 10 hours ago with her, himself, another close female friend. I've been cheated on before and one of the things my ex did was have no trace of me or us on his facebook but we were facebook friends. I didn't make it a big deal then.

The guy im dating always wants pictures, wants me to hang out with his friends,so its strange that he mentions facebook (in funny things he has seen) but never asks to add me. I did my "research." I looked at his facebook and I saw recent pictures of them at a place we went together near my university with the dog (that is sometimes with her and sometimes with him). She actively comments on his posts, likes it, along with other friends (some female), he comments on hers. Her friends make comments that she needs to find a good christian man (so she is single). But I've told him that I thought it was weird to hang out with your ex (not telling him I researched). The reason it bothers me is because he lied. He lied about how frequently they talk, that they still hang out (even if its with other friends). We have been getting closer and yesterday more intimately. However, I haven't slept with him. I'm not willing to give myself physically and emotionally to someone I can't trust.; April 25, 2014 at 3:12 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @noirflower,
Hmm, I'd be leary of this situation with him as well dear. When a man's actions and his words do NOT align, something is wrong, it's a red flag. Additionally, I think it's a red flag when a man spends that amount of time with an ex and share's a pet as well, as if they're a "family" of some sort, even if a dysfunctional one, LOL.

Lying is a big N-O. Meaning, it shouldn't be dismissed or overlooked. He's had plenty of time to be honest with you about his relationship with her, yet he made the choice not to be, and that's troubling. And he made the choice to be dishonest about it because....he KNOWS it's wrong. He KNOWS how you'd react, he knows how ANY woman would react, and he knows it's strange to do what they're doing - and that's why he keeps it under wraps and doesn't friend you on Facebook. And while they very well may be only friends, it's still wrong to be dishonest about that because hey, if you are JUST friends, then why hide it, ya' know? I have male friends and I'm civil with an ex of mine (civil, not friendly or hanging out, just not hating on each other anymore LOL) - and I don't LIE about that. Why? Because I have absolutely nothing to hide there, that's why.

I wouldn't confront him about this, if you do, you can expect it to go horribly wrong because he'll be on the defensive and you won't get the truth because of that. Additionally, you'll come across as insecure and he'll hit you with that in his defense. You'll also have to fess up about "researching" him online and his FB page, to which he'll also use in his defense, shifting blame onto you for being an insecure stalker. So don't do that here.

Instead, pull back. Start to pull away from him, don't jump on his texts and take your time responding and returning calls. See if HE comes to YOU to find out what's wrong. If he does that, then you can open up a bit about this. You can tell him that FB threw him up as "someone you may know" and you clicked his profile, and saw what you saw. But you don't make accusations or blast him for it, don't act insecure about it. Instead, explain to him that when you saw that, while you understand that they're friends of sorts apparently, you don't like liars - and liars aren't something you want in your life. And then don't say another word - nothing. Sit, in uncomfortable silence, and let HIM be uncomfortable as well - and stay silent until HE says something about it. Don't explain you've been cheated on, again don't display insecurity. Stay silent and don't focus on the girl, focus on the real issue here....the LIE. And if he attempts to bring up the girl and insinuate that you're over-reacting and being insecure, immediately CORRECT him on that and say, "No, this isn't about her, I don't even want to talk about her. SHE isn't the issue here, YOU are the issue here - YOUR LIE is the real issue here."

Cont...; April 25, 2014 at 8:34 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: And you keep deflecting anything he tries to stick on you relating to insecurity. You keep deflecting the girl and always steer it back to HIS LIE. Do NOT permit him to use the girl as an excuse because if you do that, he'll surely say, "See! This is why I didn't tell you - look how you're acting! I knew you'd be insecure." Do NOT give him that opportunity - don't give him that "out" here. Do not talk about the girl, only HIS lie. And then leave him sitting in an uncomfortable silence with it - and walk away if you have to. Leave him with that as the very last thought in his head - the thought of "you lied." And do not give him anything from your past to blame your behavior on because honestly, this doesn't have anything to do with your past. Any woman dating a liar would feel uncomfortable in doing so, whether she's been cheated on or not, so realize that this has nothing to do with your past - but it has everything to do with HIS LIE.

Only focus on the lie, not the girl - and be prepared to walk away if need be dear. Be prepared to dump him. Because the reality here is that he's a liar, he's hiding something (an existing relationship with an ex), she's clearly still in the picture and even if they're not a couple...she WILL be an issue here at some point, either through interference, poison talk in his ear, influence, attempts to tempt him away from you, jealousy, history together...she'll be an issue dear. And the last thing on earth you want to do is compete for a man with an ex who has history with him, and a permanent foot-hold in his life. So be prepared to dump him if need be :-(; April 25, 2014 at 8:34 AM
noirflower said...: Thanks MOA! Usually he would do almost anything I asked of him. But when I tell him that I think it's weird on 3 occasions he gives me the impression that its not going to stop. Considering that he likes me- he should be talking exclusivity before sex.Not saying possessive things as if we are already a couple and asking where he stands. He tells his family and friends about me. I can only imagine how that can backfire. I don't have the feeling that he will leave after having relations but I honestly don't want to be his gf. Esp after finding out that they tag each other on Facebook and she was at his father's bday a month ago. I am prepared to walk away. Thanks for your answer! :); April 25, 2014 at 11:34 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi Mirror, I totally love your blog and appreciate all you do for us! I need advice on a taurus guy, I would love to hear your opinion. We have been texting almost every day for about a month. I have known him for a while bc I had a fling with one of his best friends...After that was over, we started texting. He is a cute guy and we have just been friends throughout the whole time and our convos and chats have been friendly as well, no flirtation, no ambiguous remarks at all. But it was kinda unusual to me that a guy texts me almost every day but not even trying to flirt with me, but I thought he just wants to be friends. I still dont know his intentions. He just moved into a new place and texted me the other day suggesting that I should go see him and check out his new apartment. I was kinda expecting that he is gonna ask me out or something bc why would a guy talk to you online for a month? But im still not sure. I still havent responded. I want to see him bc he is cute and i enjoyed talking to him but why did he invite me over to his place? Obviously he wants sex, that crossed my mind first, but he didnt seem that type of guy and all the convos we had so far were purely friendly, about movies, music, work etc... My friends suggested that I should tell him that im willing to see him on a proper date. But I dont want to tell him that bc he might not want anything like that, maybe just be friends and I feel it would be too straightforward and I would feel like a fool asking him to take me on a date instead...What is your insight Moa? Do you think think this guy wants to be just friends? What would be the best response to this invitation? Thanks a ton!!; April 28, 2014 at 7:07 AM
Anonymous said...: Oh, forgot to say he is a Taurus, that is why I posted the question here :) (the guy who asked me to see his place); April 28, 2014 at 7:18 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Apr 28, 7:07 AM,
"I want to see him bc he is cute and i enjoyed talking to him but why did he invite me over to his place?"

Probably for a "hang out" that he hopes might lead to a "hook up."

"Do you think think this guy wants to be just friends?"

Anything is possible - but probably not, LOL.

"texted me the other day suggesting that I should go see him and check out his new apartment...What would be the best response to this invitation?"

Well, me being me LOL, I would probably respond with something ballsy that clears the air here before I wasted my time. I'd probably respond with something playful like, "Are you asking me out on a date or are you just dying to hang out with your new BFF - me, LOL"

That way, either response received clears the air. He has to pick one - BFF or date, LOL, and neither response is wrong but his answer will give you better insight as to how to proceed because he's doing a terrible job and making things clear LOL.

If it's a date, I'd respond with something playful yet again like, "I'd prefer you at least take me out to lunch before you try to get down my pants - how about lunch and then if you're good, MAYBE I'll come see your new place ;-)" If he agrees, I'd only stay at his place long enough for a tour and then I'd make an excuse to leave, but I'd also thank him and invite him to call me so we can get together again, "Your place is awesome, I think you'll be happy here. I'd love to stay and chat but I've made plans to meet friends. How about giving me a call tomorrow, maybe we can plan the next get together."

If he wants a new BFF, then you're free to go visit him at his place, again only staying a very short while and then leaving (in case he's fibbing and hoping to get you there cornered and pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.); April 28, 2014 at 5:09 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm gemini female who live with my Taurus man for more than 5 years. It has been the longest relationship ever since both of our families are closed friends. I never feel enough excitement with him, although he's very nice and very protective even more than my parents. Since he never share his thought and life, I feel like living with a stranger. I always hope that we would be better in communicating towards each other or just end up the relationship. It turns out that he proposed marriage to me but then much more lazy and less atracted to me. Living with this Taurus man is truly heart challenging.; April 30, 2014 at 3:45 PM
Anonymous said...: Gemini Gurl...let it go...Sometimes Taurus men will do Anything not to let you down...Including staying...What MOA dosent get is we will stay reguardless of our well being to keep you safe....the reason being is, He love's you....if he dosent share enough, ask more...ask about love...and why...being open is key...We need to be loved and depend on you too...for that, it's what matters...

Hey MoA when i said "it's hard to pass on something so easy to have"...i had ment that, even tho it's true...I do...; May 3, 2014 at 12:20 AM
Anonymous said...: I am a scorpio woman and I feel like I'm in love with this man. We dated for like 2 weeks seeing each other almost everyday. Then he was looking for a place and poof gone. Then sent me a FB message saying he would explain. Still haven't heard from him. Then a few days ago he says on FB that he hasn't forgotten about me and will be attending my graduation in a couple weeks. I send him this today: I feel like an idiot telling you I miss you and practically begging you to call me. If you're not interested anymore just tell me. You keep telling me you're busy but you can't even take two minutes to let me know how you're doing. I don't know what to think Curtis. I don't even have you're phone number!!! AHHHH!!! still no response. I'm 28 and he's 32. what's going on? Oh yeah before he disappeared he told me "I know you have options but consider us." WTF?; May 4, 2014 at 1:45 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Sun, May 4, 1:45 AM,
I think you need to read this dear:

http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/06/disappearing-reappearing-man-what-to-do.html; May 4, 2014 at 8:45 AM
Anonymous said...: Hello MOA
Thank you for your kind attention. I am a Cancer, met Taurus male online three months ago. He was very forward with his thoughts and feelings for me, loved my pictures, said I was becoming very important in his life and just wanted to meet me and see me. He said it was driving him mad because ha couldn't be in my presence (we live 200 miles apart) I did say that I was having similar thoughts but that the reality of meeting each other could be the check we both needed and may not be as expected. He said to trust in the future, all would be fine etc, etc. But me being my cautious self, said "I hope so but we will see what happens"
I have relative in his area and had planned a visit already so arranged to meet up with him during that time. I got the feeling when we first met that he was disappointed when he saw me, he didn't react in the way he said he would so I backed away to see what happened. We had a meal, talked all the time, arranged another day out and things seemed fine. We went out two days later, made arrangement for the next day and when he took me home the car was blocked on the road and I got out quickly so that he could get out of the predicament before it got worse. We waved bye and three hours later he called to say that he felt very unwell and that he didn't think we connected and that he had expected 'more' He said that I couldn't wait to get out of his car earlier and I said it wasn't because of him, it was the situation on the road I was stunned and bewildered but said 'okay, if that's how you feel, don't worry about it.' I thought he had thrown a 'strop' He said he thought I was a lovely, bubbly person and had enjoyed our time together and was sorry but we didn't connect. I left it for a few days and wrote him as I was puzzled by his actions. He wrote back saying he was glad I had emailed him, apologised for ruining our meeting and my visit, and said that his medication was to blame, he'd seen his doctor who said he'd had a panic attack on top of the illness he suffers from (high blood pressure) and his lack of enough medication had caused a problem. He said he couldn't cope when he met me (new relationship, feeling ill, nervous etc) and felt therewas no going back from this because I deserve someone who puts me first and wouldn't let me down and he didn't want to hurt me because I am a lovely person. I wrote back and said that if he didn't want to be in contact with me for all the right reasons he should be honest and say so but not because he felt his illness might cause him to let me down. I told him I have never felt let down or hurt by a person because of their ill health. He phoned and said he was sorry for his behaviour, and that he realised that I am exactly as I say I am, no pretence, nothing fake and could we meet up again to which I agreed. We had a really nice afternoon together, he reached for my hand as soon as we met and held it all the time, had a few lite kisses and he said he wants to visit with me soon and has kept in daily touch with me since always by phone every day. But, there are no more personal, romantic emails or texts and conversation are just about our day and other topics, no talks about where we are at or the future. So, I have mirrored his actions as I am very unsure of his intentions. I like him very much but have not yet emotionally invested in him, I am wondering if he is genuinely interested in me but maybe thinks that he has to tread carefully because of what happened or if he doesn't want to be the one who says he's not interested and wants me to make that decision? I want to ask him outright but could do with a bit of moral support before I do as I don't want to jeopardise something which could be heading in the right direction. We are both mature people and time is not for wasting for either of us. What do you think?
Thank you in anticipation of your response; May 20, 2014 at 10:36 AM
Anonymous said...: I am a Scorpio and I dated a Taurus. I hated him at the beginning but as time went on I couldn't help but be so attracted to him. We eventually started dating and when it was good man was it good but when it was bad? That was a whole other ball game. I love/ hate him and we've been broken up for over a year I just feel like he left me so fast just threw me to the side like I didn't matter. Those groups of 'friends' that were girls was just to much to handle. From what ive experienced with a male Taurus is that its a roller coaster ride and your never know what your going to get. But I will say this one thing when they love you they really love you and ill remember those moments forever. My Taurus wasn't loyal at all and his actions weren't all that good either. Makes me doubt his feelings for me sometimes. Does anyone else have that problem?; May 21, 2014 at 3:02 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous May 20, 10:36 AM,
"I am wondering if he is genuinely interested in me but maybe thinks that he has to tread carefully because of what happened or if he doesn't want to be the one who says he's not interested and wants me to make that decision?"

I wouldn't worry about those issues dear, because they're all focused on HIM. Those questions are all focused one what HE thinks about YOU and what's going on in HIS head. And the reality dear, is that he doesn't matter. What he thinks or what he feels about you doesn't matter. What matter is what YOU think about HIM, and what YOU feel about HIM.

Getting in touch with your own feelings here, not his, is what matters.

Do you see a future with a man that has anxiety issues or may suffer from insecurity? Do you think that would be a satisfying relationship for you? Or do you think that would constantly leave you guessing what he's feeling and worrying more about him and his happiness than you do yourself or your own happiness?

Does he make you feel special? Would you like to see more of him, or is he simply just a man that's willing to date you, so you're willing to settle for that? Meaning, do you feel HE is SPECIAL to YOU? Or do you simply like the idea of dating someone, anyone, that's willing? Are you willing to jump through hoops to overcome the physical distance between you and the logistical problems that would create when dating him?

I think you need to answer questions like that first dear, before making a decision about this man. Because right now, you're so focused on him and what he's feeling and what's going on in his head....that you're not really touching base with your own feelings on the matter, which may be causing the confusion here and creating the questions you're asking.

I think if you explore how you feel about him and the situation, and whether or not this would fulfill your needs and make you happy, the path forward will come to you. If you don't feel strongly about him, then there's already enough here to suggest that pulling away may be necessary. On the flip side, if you are experiencing very strong feelings for this man or at the very least, a deep desire to get to know him better, then that would suggest that continuing forward would be the path to take. But either way, you're not going to reach a decision on how to proceed until you explore your own feelings about the situation, so I think that's the best place to start :-); May 21, 2014 at 3:19 PM
annom. said...: Hi! Its funny, but ive come here it seems just about once yearly for the past 3 years and commented, all about my only ever TM. It was enlightening to read last years comment. I had forgotten how freaked out I was by what he did! Im Gemini sun Pisces moon woman, he a Taurus sun Cancer moon man. I can see now it has been quite the life changing experience for both of us.

Lol, but confoundent if this man just can not verbally express emotions can he?

I know he does. The way he holds my hand when we sleep spending the night together. He uses my favorite sent for everything at his house, lol he even switched to my coffee brand. I wouldnt even switch coffee brands and im a Gem, I love changing things up..... thats huge ;-) there is no question he loves me and I love him and he knows that as well.

So, why cant he say it?!!? Ugh.

Any thoughts or suggestions on how I could coax him into allowing me to hear it just once a month? Say on the third Tuesday of every month at 10p?; June 2, 2014 at 2:53 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi I am a Capricorn women and I have recently begun a relationship with a Taurus male and so far it has been great. He is very persistent with his approach to pursuing a relationship with me. We met while at school and I think that brought us closer because we both know that we are both reaching toward a goal/career to better ourselves. I feel that we "click" at all times even when we disagree. I have been reading up on the compatibility of a Capricorn and a Taurus and so far I have read nothing but positive things. I feel that relationships are a serious thing and therefore I take them seriously and I think its nice to find someone who takes them just as serious as I do. We have not been involved intimately yet being that we're a new couple, but when we are around each other you can feel the tension there between us. One day we were simply kissing and an entire hour and a half went by in what felt like seconds. I do have my guards up but as he slowly opens himself up to me I open myself up to him. We are very open with everything so I can see this being a long term relationship.; June 2, 2014 at 3:44 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Jun 2, 2:53 AM,
"there is no question he loves me...Any thoughts or suggestions on how I could coax him into allowing me to hear it just once a month?"

Well, if he's not saying it, it's not safe to assume it. Additionally, there's a difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone. You can love people in the same way you love sisters, brothers, family, friends, etc. - but that's completely different from being IN love with someone. So unless someone tells you that they are IN love with you, it's not safe to assume it. Someone can love you in their own special way, but unfortunately love is complicated and that doesn't automatically translate to them being IN love with you necessarily. Particularly if it's been 3 years. If I understand your comment correctly, you've been with this man for 3 years and he has NOT told you he's in love with you? He may love being with you, love spending time with you, love you as a person...but if he's IN love with you, he should've expressed that by now and it's a bit concerning if he hasn't because that then begs the question, are you wasting your time on him? Are you wasting years of your life on a man that isn't able to fulfill YOUR needs? Or possibly on one that loves you as a person, but isn't in love with you on a romantic level?

I don't feel you can coax these things dear, I feel the individual's involved must be ready, willing and able to express that naturally and be compelled to do so all on their own, of their own true feelings and not because it was forced or manipulated in some way. Because if that's the case, you'll never know if it was genuine or not, ya' know? As well, if you feel you need to coax a man to share his feelings with you, then it causes one to wonder...can this person really fulfill my needs, if they can't even express themselves genuinely after 3 full years? Because after 3 years, the individual's involved should feel comfortable sharing emotionally with one another and secure in doing so.

I think maybe rather than trying to figure out how to coax him to share, it may be better to figure out if this man is/will be capable of fulfilling your needs in the long run - because it may turn out that he's emotionally unavailable and if that's the case....he may never be capable of sharing emotionally :-(; June 2, 2014 at 11:11 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi MOA.....

I was an anonymous poster back in March where I discovered my Taurus male was cheating on me.

Now I've taken a very apathetic attitude towards my (likely soon to be ex) taurus male. I.E. I stopped "worshipping" him (referencing your article lol) and started doing things for me and myself nowadays. Going out on my own, doing things to keep me busy. I started to become apathetic when I found a bunch of condoms in his truck three weeks ago (after I had been badgering him about cheating). He did his usual defensive dance and I just did not care, I was like not even surprised and at peace.

When I started having trust problems with him, a friend of his from high school started coming around and texts him....a chick I never met before. I learned they were best friends in high school, they ended up separating after high school due to (insert sappy rehashed pukey lost love story here). She is recently (3-4 months ago) single heartbroken and devastated. He's confided to her our relationship problems and she's been giving him all sorts of advice. Their kids get along with each other so well. He texts her and she texts him but they seem to keep their friendship away from me. If my gut is telling me correctly, they have chemistry and they are pursuing something.

There's a high school reunion next weekend....he's going, and she's going. They went to the same high school. As for me I'm not attending (he doesn't know yet). I have zero interest in going and I'm trying to step out of the line of fire. My guess is at the reunion they will rekindle their romance and end up together. LOL. She can have him. Oh she seems sweet and kind and just 'perfect' for him..... wait till he gets bored. He he he.....; June 2, 2014 at 11:53 AM
Anonymous said...: I've been seeing a Taurus man on and off since 2011. Things didn't seem so serious in the beginning, though withing several months of us dating, I became pregnant. Sadly, I miscarried and we never spoke about our feelings. Forwarding to this year, we've been having some issues since June. It became to the point where I started insulting him at times because it just seemed that he was not paying attention to me. A few days ago, he brought up the pregnancy issue which clearly means that he is hurt. He is stating now that he does not want to continue our relationship anymore because I insulted him daily and that's where he draws the line. He told me he is not willing to talk about issues, he wants to go through them on his own. He asked me to never mention the thought of a family to him because the only thing he wants is his late child. He told me he's not sentimental, he has no feelings and he will never be affectionate. I admitted to him that I loved him and he responded to me by saying he will not tell him sentimental things because he doesn't even tell his mom he loves her. He said that if this relationship really means a lot to that he would reconsider things but that as of now, things do not look well. I apologized for disrespecting him but it seems as if he is really angry and does not want to talk, compromise, or work things out.

For any taurus out here, should I let it go? Should I give him space? Will he ever forgive me and want to try again?; July 22, 2014 at 12:01 AM
Anonymous said...: Dear Mirror,

I have been reading your blog for a long time, thanks for all the help, guidelines and advice you are giving us! It is so powerful reading your articles. I would like your opinion on my situation. I lived abroad for a while where I met a Taurus guy; he is 29, I am 31. We started seeing each other 2 months ago and things went well, he initiated contact, was nice and seemed and still does seem, interested. However, during these two months he never introduced me to his friends or family, though he talked to me about them regularly and asked me about mine too. Somehow, it still seemed a red flag to me but I didnt want to mention it to him bc 2 months is not a long time. He never asked me for commitment either, I mean officially...We never said that this is a relationship, though we acted as a couple, we talked ever day, saw each other 4-5 times a week, he took me out for dinner, or cooked at his place and we had regular sex.

Two weeks ago I had to leave that country and came back home. We agreed to "stay in contact" and continue to "see each other". He texted me almost every day since then, but no call or skype. I know I shouldn't have done that but I just felt that I was not sure what was going on so in a text, I asked him where he thinks this was going, whether he wants to go towards a relationship or just stay friends. I aso asked him to tell me about his feelings. No response...he never ignored my texts before...So I left it at that and the next day texted him again about something different. Then he responded immediately to that...Since i just couldnt stand this uncertainity anymore, I asked him again the same question a few days later, how he sees us and all, what he thinks about this relationship etc plus I wrote a bit about my day as well. He responded to the second half of my text about my day, but completely ignored the "where is this going" thing! I just got mad so I texted him saying he has been acting weird and distant. Then he took a day to respond and finally said that he was not trying to be distant just feels sick and has some infection and has been sleeping a lot....My gut tells me it is BS but Im not sure. I also asked him to come and visit me in my country and he said he is not sure bc he can't really take time off now bc work is busy (which might be true bc things got tense in his job around the time I left).

Reading your advice and articles, I know I shouldnt bring this up anymore, I shouldnt have done it at all, but the whole thing has been so frustrating...Especially that last week another guy asked me out on a date...And this is what Id like your opinion on. I kinda like that new guy and want to talk to him and say yes to the date, no sex of course, but on the other hand, I feel I would be cheating on my Taurus guy. But since he refused to talk about our "relationship" and kinda withdrew and refused my invitation as well, I feel I Im free to date other guys and as you usually say, if he wants me, he knows where to find me...I just think I would feel guilty not telling him about it...But I dont want to break up either, bc I like him a lot. What would you do Mirror? Would you wait for him or start dating other guys without telling him? I really appreciate your advice :) xx; July 22, 2014 at 6:59 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm a capri girl and I've had some bad experiences with these men. They crave attention like a toodler,very selfish ways, cold mechanic sex. They play these games just out of insecurities, nothing more. Women that sticks to their games either suffer from low self-stem or are just inexperienced. Taurus women on the other hand are wonderful creatures. George Clooney is a good example of a bad Taurus man: when i see Cloney and his new fiance, i have to ask myself what the f** is wrong with this poor woman? she is way better than him in many ways, a muslim waiting for the right man, with intelligence, career, and he is just old tired used material with empty head.- for me, he has no real charm because charm is a part of higher intelligence.
He already took out his years of love, thers nothing left and she will leave him anyway.; July 22, 2014 at 7:25 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Anonymous Jul 22, 6:59 PM,
" I asked him where he thinks this was going, whether he wants to go towards a relationship or just stay friends. I aso asked him to tell me about his feelings. No response...he never ignored my texts before...My gut tells me it is BS but Im not sure."

Always listen to your gut. His silence IS your answer dear ;-(

"I kinda like that new guy and want to talk to him and say yes to the date, no sex of course, but on the other hand, I feel I would be cheating on my Taurus guy."

You cannot cheat on a man that you're not in a committed relationship with. YOU are emotionally invested in HIM, but HE isn't as emotionally invested in YOU - his silence about that question tells you that. Nor has he formally committed to you. Therefore, you're not in an exclusive relationship with him and you are free to do as you please.

"I just think I would feel guilty not telling him about it"

That's all in your head dear - guilt towards a man that hasn't committed to you - it's in your head. You owe this man no explanation. Particularly when he's NOT providing YOU any explanations.

"What would you do Mirror?"

I would take his silence on the matter as my answer and I would move forward with my life and begin dating other men. I would NOT wait around on this one, because his silence signals he feels no future here :-(; July 25, 2014 at 9:04 AM
Anonymous said...: Im.a gemini and i surely agree taurus men are complicated; August 16, 2014 at 11:30 AM
Anonymous said...: Very interesting.I was enjoying reading your post.My friend is also Taurus that's why i was reading this with great eagerness.I think Taurus guy are somehow very crazy and rude.; August 27, 2014 at 4:06 AM
KK said...: Mirror,

I need some help with my Taurus. I can't do NC with him - but I feel as though I need a break because I'm not getting what I need at the moment. Any alternative?

I haven't written much about him as things have happened. Every couple has their issues and ups and downs. I found we got through it ok and was fine dealing with it on my own. Now though I feel like I'm at a loss.

Just last week, we had plans together, both had things to do but we were going to do them together. That was the whole point. He ended up leaving me behind and doing his own thing while I did mine, then meeting, going separate ways again, meeting and then coming home to my house for dinner. It felt like he didn’t want to be with me or around me. He snapped at me in the car - he was miserable all day. Exhausted from work, whatever, it gives him no right to take it out on me.
Once we were home, it was tense. Later in the evening he got snippy again and actually told me to "shut my f**king mouth". He has never spoken to me like that before, I told him to leave. I'm not going to tolerate being talked to like that in my own house. He was halfway out the door and continued - talking about respect... yet disrespecting me. He ended up storming out and being really aggressive - almost taking my front door off the hinges. I did absolutely nothing to deserve that.

Before he left, he made another remark about the weekend prior and how I 'forced' him to the bedroom. He sounded resentful.
Some info that may be important here: We didn't have sex for 6 1/2 months. He was checked out by the Dr and Specialist, we tried everything, I took it personally, etc. I backed off, was patient, supportive, understanding, etc. We finally just had sex again 2 weeks ago - no pills, no help... just magically happened.
My only reason (do I even need a reason?!) for 'dragging' him upstairs was to reciprocate. He wasn't complaining at the time. But he threw it in my face 3 days later. He has free will, he could have said no. What man bitches about getting attention from his girlfriend? Don't men usually complain they never get 'any'? Can't seem to win with this one.; September 1, 2014 at 10:09 AM
KK said...: Mirror,

I need some help with my Taurus. I can't do NC with him - but I feel as though I need a break because I'm not getting what I need at the moment. Any alternative?

I haven't written much about him as things have happened. Every couple has their issues and ups and downs. I found we got through it ok and was fine dealing with it on my own. Now though I feel like I'm at a loss.

Just last week, we had plans together, both had things to do but we were going to do them together. That was the whole point. He ended up leaving me behind and doing his own thing while I did mine, then meeting, going separate ways again, meeting and then coming home to my house for dinner. It felt like he didn’t want to be with me or around me. He snapped at me in the car - he was miserable all day. Exhausted from work, whatever, it gives him no right to take it out on me.

Once we were home, it was tense. Later in the evening he got snippy again and actually told me to "shut my f**king mouth". He has never spoken to me like that before, I told him to leave. I'm not going to tolerate being talked to like that in my own house. He was halfway out the door and continued - talking about respect... yet disrespecting me. He ended up storming out and being really aggressive - almost taking my front door off the hinges. I did absolutely nothing to deserve that.
Before he left, he made another remark about the weekend prior and how I 'forced' him to the bedroom. He sounded resentful.
Some info that may be important here: We didn't have sex for 6 1/2 months. He was checked out by the Dr and Specialist, we tried everything, I took it personally, etc. I backed off, was patient, supportive, understanding, etc. We finally just had sex again 2 weeks ago - no pills, no help... just magically happened.
My only reason (do I even need a reason?!) for 'dragging' him upstairs was to reciprocate. He wasn't complaining at the time. But he threw it in my face 3 days later. He has free will, he could have said no. What man bitches about getting attention from his girlfriend? Don't men usually complain they never get 'any'?. Can't seem to win with this one.; September 1, 2014 at 10:29 AM
KK said...: (Continued)
He really hurt my feelings by all of that and more. And he knows it. We have a rule to be honest with eachother and be open when it comes to communicating like adults should. I told him how he made me feel and even ignored him for a bit.

I find he has been secretive recently too about his work schedule/availability. He doesn't inform me of anything important I feel I should know. Yet he wants 'open communication'. He's a bit of a two face. He also complained I don't call or text him enough - he works 12hr shifts some days (when I know the schedule) Why would I call or text when he's at work? I can wait til he's done and home and relaxed and ready to talk. I've let him come to me. I'm trying to show him respect by not being clingy or needy and annoying him during a workday. Or anytime. It's a fine line. He wants me to cross it - but then will complain about it too?

I've been under stress lately and had some health issues this past week after he blew up at me. He wasn't there for me after the fact. Yet I was still reaching out to smooth things over. I'm 'with' him, but I actually feel alone.
He was all talk and no action, saying he was worried about me and did care... but I didn't see that.

He has also asked what he could do to make me happy - I've told him. He refuses to do any of it. Its little things, I'm not asking for one of his kidneys.

In 8 months, I have seen him use his phone in front of me maybe once or twice. He hides it the rest of the time. I don't know why. I've asked. He says "he doesn't want to be rude". I call BS. I use mine when I need to, in front of him. I have nothing to hide. We talked about it and he said it would be rectified - it's been a couple months since that talk. I still see no phone. I'm not asking to look in it. But it is odd when he constantly runs to his car to make a call or text or check email. Am I wrong?

With the 'hiding' and no sex and everything else, I did suspect cheating, but didn't accuse him. He denied it. Again, said he would be more open with me and give me that 'security'. Doesn't actually do it though or follow through.

I had a message from the dating site we met off of, I don't respond to my messages at all. I don't need to. But I checked anyway.
Taurus and I had an agreement a long time ago about taking our profiles down - we didn't need them anymore. I thought he kept his word. I kept mine - except I couldn't remove it due to technical issues, so I modified it instead - made myself 'unavailable'. I went to check my message and it appeared to be an 'update' or something from the site itself. While there, I got curious and wanted to check Taurus' profile to see if he actually took it down or made changes. He didn't. It says 'single'. So much for 'security'.
I talked to him about that too - he didn't think it was a big deal, brushed it off. Same as having pictures together or letting the general public know that he is a taken man. And that maybe he's proud to have me as his girlfriend?
It just hurts.; September 1, 2014 at 10:34 AM
KK said...: (Last one)
His stories never add up, or he changes things around multiple times and acts like a two-face. This is the only time I've ever wanted a break and to possibly be single. I feel taken for granted and disrespected and feel single, left out all the time, so then I might as well have that 'title'. I've told him this too. That finally scared him enough to initiate a talk.

We made plans to talk just the other night - nothing is solved. I voiced my feelings and concerns and so did he. He still thinks he did nothing wrong though. He apologized once for the "shut your mouth" comment.
I have made the decision I won't be doing anything else anymore. No calls, No texts, No 'affections', Nothing. It’s never appreciated anyway.

He even saw me get upset and cry a bit - and did nothing to comfort me.
He said to 'wait til tomorrow (today), he'll show me" - have no idea what he means by that. He left and wished me a good night, no attempt at a hug or kiss or even an "I love you".
Just cold and condescending and stubborn as always - like this is somehow my fault and I'm being punished. He even said if I told him to ‘fuck off’ he would. Wouldn’t put up a fight? Maybe gave himself away there.
I had talked about other ‘options’ if he can’t treat me better and for him to enjoy the crickets and enjoy being alone – he pissed me off. He says last night “I wouldn’t be alone honey” in ‘that’ tone. That made me think he could be picking from the pool off the dating site – why else would you advertise that you’re single?

Mirror, what do you think of this? Are my feelings valid? - I feel like they are, but he also makes me feel like they aren't. It's up to him now obviously. But if anything, what do I do?; September 1, 2014 at 10:38 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @KK,
"I can't do NC with him - but I feel as though I need a break because I'm not getting what I need at the moment. Any alternative?"

Pull back on him. Grant him limited access to you, respond to half his conversations and take some space.

"What man bitches about getting attention from his girlfriend?"

Is this man on drugs dear? His behavior is looking similar to it, "leaving me behind and doing his own thing...then meeting, going separate ways again...meeting and then coming home to my house for dinner." Sounds like he was running around all day trying to score some dope or something.

And if he is on drugs and he's having performance issues, or if he's had performance issues for another reason or some medical condition taking place, he may feel extremely insecure right now about sex...which is why he would avoid it.

"We have a rule to be honest with each other and be open when it comes to communicating like adults should"

That only works if the man is emotionally mature enough to abide by it dear.

"I find he has been secretive recently too about his work schedule/availability...he works 12hr shifts some days (when I know the schedule)"

Something's up here dear. He's got an awful lot of missing time.

"He wasn't there for me after the fact. Yet I was still reaching out to smooth things over."

Why are YOU doing all of the WORK to keep this relationship going dear?

"He was all talk and no action, saying he was worried about me and did care... but I didn't see that...He has also asked what he could do to make me happy - I've told him. He refuses to do any of it."

Big, red flag when a man's words do not align with his actions :-(

"In 8 months, I have seen him use his phone in front of me maybe once or twice. He hides it the rest of the time."

Big red flag.

"it is odd when he constantly runs to his car to make a call or text or check email."

BIG RED FLAG.

"he would be more open with me and give me that 'security'. Doesn't actually do it though or follow through."

Big red flag.

"I had a message from the dating site we met off of, I don't respond to my messages at all. I don't need to."

I disagree dear. I think you need to start responding to other men, and get this shady, lying, lazy, sneaky, dishonest one...out of your life.

"His stories never add up, or he changes things around multiple times and acts like a two-face."

Big red flag.

Cont...; September 2, 2014 at 9:03 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: "We made plans to talk just the other night - nothing is solved"

That's because everything is all talk, talk, talk here between you two dear - there isn't ANY ACTION. Talking does not rectify things, ACTION does. I'm a big advocate of bypassing the useless talks and taking action instead. You need to take action here and cease all the "talks" because they'll never change a thing. All that happens when you do that, is you give him continued opportunities to lie to you, manipulate you and continue to string you along. Your gut is sounding off all kinds of alarm bells and instead of heeding its warning...you're continuing to move forward with this man and somehow thinking "talks" will solve all of this. It won't dear, those talks won't solve a thing. They'll only give him the opportunity to continue stringing you along.

"He even said if I told him to ‘fuck off’ he would. Wouldn’t put up a fight?"

Why are you tolerating this treatment from him dear? Tell him to F off then. Save yourself a lot of grief. This man's doing a number of your self-esteem and you confidence...and you're letting him. You're sticking around and letting him inflict more damage. WALK AWAY dear. This is not a good man, he doesn't deserve you, and he doesn't treat you right. WALK AWAY.

"He says last night “I wouldn’t be alone honey” in ‘that’ tone. That made me think he could be picking from the pool off the dating site – why else would you advertise that you’re single?"

He's flat out told you that if you told him to go away, he would. Now he's flat out telling you, warning you, that he's got other women just waiting in the wings. Other women that he's possibly already seeing. Why are you not WALKING AWAY from this man dear? Don't stick around and let him do more damage to you, walk away. He doesn't appreciate you, he never will and no amount of "talking" is ever going to change that. You don't need this man to make you happy. This man is making you MISERABLE - get the hell away from him.

"It's up to him now obviously. But if anything, what do I do?"

Why are you handing all of this decision making power, and the power of the entire relationship...over to HIM? Why are you waiting on him to make a decision or to do something? Why aren't YOU doing something dear?

It's NOT up to him. This is YOUR relationship too. This is YOUR life as well. Your future is NOT up to him. Do not hand that type of power off to a man and then sit and wait for him, particularly one that's treating you so very poorly. Set your emotions aside and use logic and common sense here.

If a girlfriend told you all of this...that the guy cursed at her, disrespected her, disappeared without explanation regularly, never took his profile of the dating site, insinuates there are other women, tells her he'd gladly leave if she told him to...would you advise her to stay? If you're honest with yourself, then the answer is that...no, you would not. So why do YOU stay?

You need to take control of your own life and happiness. It's obvious that this man is not capable of making you, or any woman for that matter, happy. He's ignorant, inconsistent, insecure, cruel, callous, arrogant, selfish...he is NOT Prince Charming. And "talking" to this frog, will NEVER turn him into a prince. He is who he is. And he's a lying piece of shit. Take control, stand up for yourself, do not wait on him to make a decision about you - and dump him immediately. Walk...no wait....RUN from this one dear, before he really does a number on your confidence and self-esteem. If you LET people treat you poorly, then that's the exact type of treatment you'll receive from them. Run dear...; September 2, 2014 at 9:03 AM
KK said...: MOA,

Thank you. I’m on the same page with your suggestions. I have done just that; pulled back and not given him ‘more’ of me until I get the same as I put out. There have been times before where he’s been ignored and not spoken to for days. I can do it again. I think I needed to hear I was doing the right thing or on the right track.

He has actually just turned around somewhat and has started agreeing with my points. Stubborn at first and then actually admits things or ‘owns it’.

I actually LOL’d when you asked if he was on drugs, I thought you were making a joke!
Honestly, I don’t think he is. It didn’t even cross my mind. He stays far away from that or anyone who is associated with substances. He himself won’t even drink more than 1 drink. His mother was/is an alcoholic.
I haven’t gotten to the bottom of his ‘running around’ that Tuesday. He would usually not do that and instead accompany me. His work schedule didn’t permit much time either. He works 3 jobs – because he’s stubborn!
That may have had something to do with it – not enough time. Regardless, it doesn’t justify how he acted.

The performance issues - he may feel extremely insecure right now about sex. I agree with that statement completely. I know he is. I’ve had to learn just how hard that does hit and it does affect men deeply. He’s always been fearful. He was getting better over time managing that.

“Why are YOU doing all of the WORK to keep this relationship going dear?” – I know... I caught myself saying it to him and asking myself why. Then I decided on no more DOING. I recognized it right away.

“dump him immediately.” – I did. Last night. Basically told him to ‘walk the walk’. He claimed he was committed to me and this relationship and is trying, claims I’m the ‘priority’. That’s when he was agreeable and said I was right about him having his head stuck up his ass, agreed he needs to do 1, 2 and 3...
I didn’t respond to any of his messages and he texted me again this morning after he was done work. He was done at 10am, very informative. Wanted to come over in the afternoon. Knew I had a Dr’s appointment and offered to go with me. Was begging, asking “please”. I wasn’t answering due to being busy and he basically just showed up – or followed through?

Nothing exciting happened today. I was still a bit cold with him, matter of fact. He came to the Dr’s with me, asked to help out with other things. I said “sure, go for it”. He took care of dinner, he was attentive and apologetic. Sat and hung his head after each apology. Informed me of his evening and week ahead. Then told me he went to see someone Friday...; September 2, 2014 at 9:38 PM
KK said...: I ask who, he tells me: “A counsellor”. Hmm... for what exactly?
He answers “For why I snapped Tuesday, why all the anger/resentment. It’s not right and I don’t understand it yet. I don’t think I have a ‘problem’, but it is concerning to me. I’ll never be able to apologize enough to you”. Then he hung his head again.

I listened, but was nonchalant too. I didn’t get all excited about it – it’s good he sought some help, on his own and acknowledges it wasn’t right. But does it solve everything and make everything perfect? No.

He tried for a hug and a kiss when he left, but I told him I couldn’t right now. His response was: “It’s ok, I understand”. He wished me good luck for tomorrow with something I have to do, told me to enjoy the rest of my night and that he’ll talk to me tomorrow. He followed it with an I love you and all he got back from me was: “Mhm” – Cold, doubt.

Actions from him today are good... but it’s a onetime thing. I understand he could just be doing it because he’s in trouble and he wants out of the proverbial ‘doghouse’. I need more consistency and more actions that I have already asked for.
It’s true the more we pull back, the more the men push towards us. I understand actions are louder. I think the ‘talking’ is what partners should do too though, to work through problems. Then follow it with actions. But if I don’t allow him any room to SHOW it and prove it to me, then what chance is there? That’s where I find myself getting stuck.

BTW – I did change settings and information on the dating site profile. I’m listed as Single just like Taurus is now. I received a message right away. Nothing special – this guy who’s only a few years older than me.

Stranger: “Hmmm wow you seem to be overly confident” – It wasn’t a compliment, it was with attitude, like I’m such a ‘princess’ or something. A neg? I studied it for a bit.. had a chuckle to myself and then hit reply.

Me: “Hmmm well you must not be man enough or confident at all if you can’t handle it and you’re complaining already. Thanks for taking the time to message me though. Just proved confidence is sexy and attractive isn’t it? Good luck to you!”.

Stranger replies within minutes just as I’m logging out, “Whatever”. – LOL. I wonder how long he’s been single...; September 2, 2014 at 9:43 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @KK,
"I think the ‘talking’ is what partners should do too though, to work through problems."

Well, here's the thing about those talks dear. When the woman initiates them BEFORE she takes action herself (i.e. pulling back), they are ineffective generally. Because it's a one-sided conversation. The man doesn't see any change in the woman (because she hasn't taken action), therefore, he chalks it up to her emotions, kinda' blows it off and during the conversation, he's half listening...waiting for it to end. He's not engaged in the talk on an emotional level because nothing has trigged him to "take notice" (i.e. actions from the woman). And once the talk is over...he continues on as if nothing happened.

Those talks are ineffective because the man is not READY for the talk. He's not ready because he doesn't understand the seriousness of what's taking place. And he doesn't understand the seriousness of what's taking place because....the woman has taken no serious action.

If the woman instead takes action (i.e. pulls back), makes herself unavailable, and is not as receptive as she normally is...the man takes notice. Once he notices the changes, if he cares, he'll be "triggered" emotionally by them. Once he's triggered emotionally...HE will come to YOU to initiate that talk. And THAT is when those talks are effective - when the man is emotionally invested in the talk, engaged in the conversation and "present" for it - participating in it and wanting it as much as the woman.

But when a woman talk, talk, talks and then DOES NOTHING...men don't take that seriously. And quite honestly, no one takes "all talk and no action" seriously. It's like the little boy who cried wolf. It's all empty threats in a sense, because no action is being taken by the woman. It ends up being similar to, "I'm gonna'" and "we need to" and "If you don't do this"....and what??? Then what??? He knows you're not gonna' leave, if you were, he knows you would've pulled back already. So the woman says things like, "if you don't do this, I'm gonna' leave" and the man secretly thinks, "Yea, yea, yea. You're not leaving me. You're not going anywhere. If you were going to do that, you'd have left already...instead of having this talk. You're having this talk because you DON'T want to leave me."

They see right through that dear. They don't take those talks seriously at all unless ACTION by the woman is taken to back that talk up. Otherwise, it's just talk and they know that. They are the kings of "all talk and no action" - they know exactly what that means. To them, it means that nothing's changing, it's just a bunch of talk. But when you TAKE ACTION first, and skip the talk....if they truly care about you, THEY end up taking you seriously, coming to YOU, and initiating that talk THEMSELVES. And THAT is when a talk like that will be effective - once you've got their attention.

Trying to get their attention by "talking" doesn't work. You have to get their attention through ACTION first, and then talk once you've got their attention - and they know you mean business.; September 3, 2014 at 9:02 AM
Gem50 said...: @ KK and Ms. Mirror,

KK, thanks for sharing your recent experience. I am sorry you are going through it, but I'm hearing some much needed wisdom from your and Ms. Mirror's discussion. Thank you! :).

Ms. Mirror, I had to laugh AT MYSELF reading your last post to KK with the explanation of a woman’s “talk.” Scorpio and I are still texting. He is still purely after sex, yet some of what has fallen into the mix of texts has been surprising -- but it really doesn’t matter because it’s just words: he needs me, he doesn’t know what to do, he’s asked several times for me not to stop texting with him and recently he said he thought he saw my vehicle and was hoping it was me so he could see me (that last comment sounded kind of desperate at the time). But in reality, the content of his texts are mostly sexual.

Last week he was texting late and I was asleep. He sent several texts over a couple hours; one included > I don’t understand why you can’t be happy with the way we started…

I saw it when I got up for work and responded at 4:30 AM . This was the second time in the three months that we’ve been texting that I just let my thoughts out, doing the female thing of “explaining,” and “talking.”

And the response I got back from him later in the morning is just as you explained: He did not take me seriously.

Scorpio > Lol wa wawawawa wawawawawa I’m a male… (and then sex talk).

At first I was angry, but any anger I feel these days evaporates just as quickly as it comes.

I waited until my lunch time and responded > Lol who r u saying is crying? Me or u?

Scorpio > Not crying. It’s the Peanuts teacher, remember wawawawawa

Me > That’s what u hear? I was digging real deep for that lol.

Scorpio > I didn’t mean it to make u mad. I meant it to be funny I hear nothing (and then went on with sex talk)

And that is a perfect example of your explanation Ms. Mirror of what happens when a woman does the "talking" with a man who doesn't care to listen. They don't hear a thing. So don't waste your breath, or your mind, or your anything ladies -- watch, observe and take care of yourselves.

Thanks again ladies! I don't know what I'd do without you all :)

(hugs); September 3, 2014 at 6:56 PM
KK said...: @Gem and Mirror,

"This was the second time in the three months that we’ve been texting that I just let my thoughts out, doing the female thing of “explaining,” and “talking.” - See, I'm not the only one LOL. I am learning to stop that with men, but we've become so used to doing it with our close female friends, our sisters, our mothers, with the other ladies here... it's just natural to do, and then we think it's fine to do the same with men.

"He did not take me seriously." - Same thing with Taurus here.
Then Gem felt angry, and so did I. It's a learning process - and even if we think we've 'got it', we slip up sometimes and need a reminder or a kick in the ass, and then learn all over again.

I've learned my lesson here for sure. I think what I did with Taurus was the reverse of what I should have originally done. I talked, he didn't take notice or take it seriously. So then I did the opposite - didn't "talk". That's when he noticed and probably said to himself: "Woah, I better get busy". Thats when I saw the 'shift' in him and he suddenly became more attentive and in tune and did take action. I can't discredit that. He knew it was serious and he knew exactly what to do, I don't have to say anything anymore. He KNOWS.

Other men probably wouldn't even bother or even try. They would just 'talk' some more.

And Gem, that's what I notice about Scorpio in your posts, all 'talk'. If he actually 'needed' you (regardless of the NEED), he'd SHOW it right? But instead he just talks. I'm sure you know that already and have noticed it.

What I'm trying to do here is clarify my stance on things and point out a major difference in the two men.
But don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning what Taurus did and of course I still am 'going through it' - I just SEE a difference. Taurus has always been a man of action - and as of recently, who knows - maybe he got lazy, or comfortable or didn't take me seriously or whatever. Then the 'turnaround', followed by actions. While Gem's Scorpio hasn't taken any action in a long time.

It's a lesson for both of us ladies I'm sure, but one man tends to override the other in a sense. It just seems the advice is contradictory and conflicting.

I'm sure that anyone else following both stories would probably feel confused at the end. I know I do.; September 4, 2014 at 11:11 AM
pisces girl said...: ""And he's a lying piece of shit." hahaha you are soo awesome Mirror! this is literally one of the first sites I go onto once I get into work in the morning and I just love your responses-there is no sugar coating here or telling us ladies what we want to hear -its the truth whether we like it or not! and as much as it can be hard to realize that the man we thought is a prince might actually be a frog its better to find out sooner than later. I find coworkers, family and friends don't always tell us the right things even if their intentions may be good-they'll say- call him, or don't let him pay for everything it should be 50/50, or gone are those days when men treated women like princesses and your standards are just too high. I used to buy into that BS but not anymore and thanks to you and this site-I am finally realizing my worth as a woman and how very important it is to not settle for crap treatment because that signals to men how you value yourself. It's not always easy and sometimes I do get lonely or feel like I need male companionship so I end up making mistakes that ill usually end up regretting but I cant be too hard on myself because at least im not where I used to be and im making far fewer mistakes than I did just a couple years ago. The Big Red Flags that you talk about I am now getting much better at spotting early on. Seeing through the lies and deception and arrogant entitled asshole games puts me in a position of power and better equips me in staying one step ahead and allows me to play even better than the most seasoned game player himself so he's the one who will end up losing.; September 4, 2014 at 9:11 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @KK,
"It just seems the advice is contradictory and conflicting."

Nothing is ever going to be a guarantee dear. You can't guarantee how everyone will react because a lot of it depends on whether or not they truly care. So you have to look at taking "action" as your best case scenario for success. Will it guarantee it? No. Will it increase your odds? Maybe. Will it protect YOU? Definitely. Will it help you get a better feel for whether or not the man is the RIGHT man for you? Absolutely.

Men are different creatures, plain and simple. And they're action oriented creatures, it's how they're wired. So if you want to get through to one, you're best chances of success are to learn their language - and use it. And their language is "action." When a man isn't interested, nine times out of ten, he doesn't go to the woman to "talk" about it. He leaves. He takes immediate action. He either pulls the slow fade, disappears altogether or does a dump and run.

He doesn't stick around for long goodbyes or possibly reconciliations through talking. He makes an immediate decision - and then he follows it up with the appropriate action.

So if you want to increase your odds of success, your best chances of being truly "heard" are to speak their language.

If they don't respond to that, then you know they're not the right guy for you. They're either lazy, seeking to use you, looking for something easy, not willing to man up, or they're simply not interested. Either way, you'll have your answer - whether it works and they take action or not.

In Gem's case, she's dealing with what I believe she already knows is a selfish man that's looking to have his cake (his girlfriend) and eat it too (Gem LOL). And when she's ready to call this quits and has learned all she can from him and the lesson is over...she'll close that chapter with him when it's time.

But regardless, the advice is generally always the same...ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. Take action first, and if HE wants to talk after, then YOU decide if that's agreeable to you or not - because YOU are now in the power position. That one single move (action) of walking away or pulling back has just placed YOU in the position to decide if HE is worth your time or not. It has shifted you to the top and YOU are now the one calling the shots...will I speak to him as he's requested? Or will I just keep walking? Either way, choice is yours, power is now yours. This keeps you from getting run over and left for dead.

That doesn't mean the outcome will always be the same. But it will give you more information about the man you're dealing with to make an informed decision from and it will empower you in the situation ;-); September 4, 2014 at 9:22 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Pisces Girl,
"there is no sugar coating here or telling us ladies what we want to hear -its the truth whether we like it or not"

Yea, I can be a ball buster, I know LOL. I like to shoot straight though. If I told everyone what they wanted to hear, it wouldn't be helping anyone. Friends and family are for blowing smoke up your butt - not MOA, LOL.

And many times, those hard talks are what propels us to our next level of growth. Believe me when I tell you...I've had these same exact hard talks with myself. I spent well over a year holding these discussions in silence in my head, beating myself up to all hell and back LOL. And what I've learned is that the truth hurts...but it WILL make you stronger. And I believe in empowering women to find their strength.

"sometimes I do get lonely or feel like I need male companionship so I end up making mistakes that ill usually end up regretting"

We all do dear, you're not alone there. It's part of the human condition and there are many relapses on the road to recovery LOL ;-) It's a long journey, not a race to the finish line...so mishaps can be expected.

"I find coworkers, family and friends don't always tell us the right things even if their intentions may be good-they'll say- call him, or don't let him pay for everything it should be 50/50"

I just had a very dear friend today share with me something her father told her many years ago. When she started dating, he had a "sex" talk with her. It was short and sweet. He told her:

"Men are going to want to try things with you. And you need to understand that it's their job to do that - and it's YOUR job....to say NO."

Even dear ole' dad knew how the game was supposed to be played LOL ;-)

Our society tries to fool us into thinking those base instincts have changed. But our DNA is still coded exactly the way Mother Nature coded it eons ago...nothings really changed, we just try to make believe it has....and THAT'S what's landed modern women where they're at today when dating. If we'd have just left well enough alone and simply embraced our newfound freedom instead of suddenly taking it to the max and trying to BE MEN when we were liberated through the feminist movement of the late 60's, early 70's...we wouldn't be experiencing what we're experiencing today - an explosion of lazy, entitled men.

Our liberation was to liberate us from confines that restricted women from certain rights. It wasn't meant to turn us INTO men and liberate us from actually BEING women.; September 4, 2014 at 9:39 PM
pisces girl said...: I couldn't agree more! When dealing with men I now keep these 3 things in mind-be confident, don't act desperate and let a man be a man. We are just used to doing so much all the time to make things happen but you are absolutely right with men you can't be that way because its playing out the man role and most men ive met have told me they like feminine women.
Come tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since ive had any contact with mr long distance after my attempt to spontaneously go to his city was pretty much shot down. Despite his attitude and some of his ungentlemanly attributes part of me regrets telling him that I think its best he doesn't call me anymore because he hasn't and to say im not at all bothered by his unresponsiveness would be a lie. So my question is when you tell a man this is it pretty much a guarantee that he will never contact you again or will nothing keep him away if he really wants you? Thanks Mirror Xo; September 5, 2014 at 11:30 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Pisces Girl,
"So my question is when you tell a man this is it pretty much a guarantee that he will never contact you again or will nothing keep him away if he really wants you?"

I believe it a man wants you - he'll come get you, come hell or high water. I've seen it happen.

But with men who are secretly insecure or carrying chips on their shoulders, feeling like they have to prove themselves all the time as men through forceful, arrogant or ignorant actions that are ego related...they are not mature enough to do so. They secretly don't feel confident enough to do so. And their ego and pride get in the way.; September 6, 2014 at 10:25 AM
pisces girl said...: that makes perfect sense Mirror..it seems there is a great deal of ego and pride covering up some deep seeded insecurities particularly in many educated professional men. Could it be that these men who excel in the academic/professional arenas believe that this is all they really need to secure a woman and keep her? I suppose this is why so many of them are not happy and don't have fulfilling relationships. Mr Law School told me all he wanted was to be happy which in itself is an admission that he isn't happy and he was waiting for the right woman to bring him that happiness. I suppose he didn't realize that he needs to put in the time effort and energy required to make a woman happy because his credentials alone wouldn't cut it and I told him this. I'm sure it doesn't help that these men probably have a herd of women chasing after them because they are professionals and our mothers always told us to snag the lawyer or doctor or engineer... but I choose to stand out this time and not be like all those other women and chase- ill do nothing at all and if that doesn't get his attention than its clear that he was never as into me as he claimed to be.
Thanks Mirror xo; September 6, 2014 at 12:26 PM
Gem50 said...: @ KK,
I am sorry, I wasn’t matching Taurus’ and Scorpio’s behaviors. I appreciated your posts because Ms. Mirror’s responses to you brought me clarity regarding Scorpio’s comment (I hear nothing) after I did the talking.

Scorpio has been very clear with me about what he wants (sex, period), as I have with him (a relationship with an available man). Now, after each interaction, I expect to never hear from him again, but then I do -- and I’m always surprised as I can’t figure out why he continues to contact me.

I purposely did not add an explanation to his “need” comment in my previous post. I think I understand what that need is tho, it’s not the need that women can easily relate to. I think his need is a diversion – a sexual diversion – from the day to day reality of his life. The comments were just a few of several that he has unexpectedly dropped in amongst the sexting.

I have become a little wiser from this latest experience with Scorpio. He has shown me behaviors I’ve never been aware of before. I feel the dots are almost connecting for me. I’m working through this, and as Ms. Mirror has commented, once the lesson has been learned (I think the lesson is not only mine), it will be. :)

Have a great weekend all!; September 6, 2014 at 2:15 PM
pisces girl said...: thanks Mirror..that is unfortunate so many people are ego driven nowadays trying to show themselves up and prove something but shouldn't love be stronger than pride? Sade sings about it and I believe it but it doesnt seem to be that way with a majority of men nowadays-in fact just the opposite! "They secretly don't feel confident enough to do so" you are a very wise woman Mirror and Gandhi said it so well too "a coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave." I wish there were more brave, confident men and more fathers who could teach their young sons so many important lessons about life and love and everything in between. I don't like to have any kind of prejudices but I find that the most messed up men that us women encounter either had a very strained relationship with their father or no relationship at all.. A good man doesnt just develop overnight it takes years to build and positive influences especially strong, mature male influences. That's why I know that if I do ever decide to have children it wont be with a broken man because I would want my future children to have a father who is fully present in their lives and able to give them what they need to grow and flourish into pretty amazing people.; September 7, 2014 at 1:11 AM
KK said...: MOA,,

"Men are different creatures, plain and simple. And they're action oriented creatures, it's how they're wired. So if you want to increase your odds of success, your best chances of being truly "heard" are to speak their language. That one single move (action) of walking away or pulling back has just placed YOU in the position to decide if HE is worth your time or not. It has shifted you to the top and YOU are now the one calling the shots..." - Exactly, I wholeheartedly agree, I do. I am still understanding MEN in general and how they 'operate' differently from us. I feel as if I have gotten better with that subject but I'm definitely not perfect or at 100%. It's still and probably always will be a process.
The point where you said "It has shifted", really resonates. I know it has because I have made it 'shift'. Taurus also pointed that out to me - those exact words flew out of his mouth, he sees it/feels it/senses it. He knows and I don't have to explain anything. He has said he is worried.
I've been trying to follow the advice (pulling back, being less available, not DOING anything, not explaining/talking, etc..) It's not easy because I have never had to do this with Taurus ever. This is the 'big one'. Any other troubles/issues before were resolved very quickly and smoothed over.
I was just very hurt and still am, but I'm trying to work through my own 'stuff'. Coming here for help is really all I have at this point, no one else seems to understand fully. A close girlfriend of mine that I would have normally confided in is not really 'up' to listening or is completely selfish and I emotionally can't handle being in her 'negative' environment. That's disheartening on it's own. So I tend to rely on the ladies here more.

At this moment I am being observant and watching Taurus and his 'moves'. There have been a few, but not all that I have 'required' have been met yet. He was there for me (emotionally and otherwise) last week when I needed him to be. He says he's trying, he says he isn't 'done' or doesn't want to be... so again, I'm just watching to see if both words and actions align properly. Consequences follow... No words needed. And eventually, he gets it.

I read another post you wrote to someone talking about those ACTIONS, and the man being 'committed' and emotionally mature and exactly what that means. I appreciated that - as it helps me in my situation too.; September 8, 2014 at 6:57 AM
KK said...: Gem,

"I wasn’t matching Taurus’ and Scorpio’s behaviors." - No I know that, I opened the door and went there myself.
I hope you understand it's nothing personal towards you or even MOA.
My issue at the time was with MOA's insights to the both of us in regards to both men and how the advice seemed to conflict. She has taught us that:

1) We should avoid those men who only seek us out for sex or as a 'backup'
2) We should only accept proper treatment (proper dates, calls, etc)
3) MOA herself does not advocate things such as: cheating/affairs, 'game playing', etc
4) To only focus on the ACTIONS of a man instead of his WORDS
and the list goes on...

I was just confused and honestly a bit angry, knowing that we're being told these certain things but then MOA is (almost) encouraging you to participate in the opposite it seems. Do you know what I mean? - That's not really fair. So that's when I felt the need to compare both men.

But again, at the same time, I also understand the point of that 'encouragement' (sorry, I don't know what else to call it right now) with Scorpio.
It's a lesson for everyone I think. I get that. Just at the time - my emotions were heightened anyway. It was a "WTF" moment LOL.

Gem, I do see that you are learning and getting to where you need to be. Sometimes I wish it could happen sooner.. but I'm also glad any comments or additional posts help you..

I have to say only one thing about this: "Now, after each interaction, I expect to never hear from him again, but then I do -- and I’m always surprised as I can’t figure out why he continues to contact me.".

He continues because he can... because he knows you'll be there. You've always been there (and I'm not saying that's a bad trait to have, but with certain people... they take advantage of it, you know?)

It goes back to the saying of: "What you allow is what will continue".

Just my two cents.; September 8, 2014 at 7:41 AM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @KK
"I was just confused and honestly a bit angry, knowing that we're being told these certain things but then MOA is (almost) encouraging you to participate in the opposite it seems. Do you know what I mean? - That's not really fair."

I'm not sure if you've read Gem's entire story or the portion where I explained WHY I suggested what I did with her...but the bottom line is that her story is a bit more advanced, and for Gem to truly get over Scorpio, I felt it was necessary for her to see him in his true light. I felt it was necessary for her to see, first hand, the type of man he is. So that once she sees that, she can leave this all behind, it will free her from her attraction to him. I'm not suggesting she "play a game" here out of malice. I'm suggesting that she listen to Scorpio's desires, so that she can see him for who he truly is - to help her. I get that it's got a controversial vibe to it, and I would only suggest doing this to women who I feel are strong enough to see it through wisely.

And as much as I hate to say this dear, if you're in disagreement and it's angering you, then I'd suggest that you cease returning to the site. Because being angry and revisiting won't help your situation or your mindset. I realize my site is not for everyone, and I accept that.

Gem is experiencing a life lesson here and she's agreed to do it publicly so all can learn from it. But it's also one that requires great strength and self-discipline. It's not for everyone, and not everyone needs this particular lesson - this is Gem's personal lesson being shared with all. She's not having an affair with Scorpio. She's not reciprocating anything he's suggesting. She's not returning his desires verbally. She's constantly reminding him of his girlfriend and of her desire for a committed relationship with a man who wants the same. And that's the reason she suggests that each time she does that, she's suprised he comes back - because she's not reciprocating any of this. She's not with Scorpio. She's simply listening to him, his desires, shooting him/them down with reminders of his girlfriend, and seeing a whole other side of him to learn from in an attempt to finally break free of her attraction for him.

Once you see how "ugly" someone is, your attractions decrease. And sometimes, you don't get to see just how ugly they are, unless you witness them rolling around in the mud. Gem is bearing witness to Scorpio's non-committal ways. She's not reciprocating those ways - she's a witness to them.

Now whether or not this has helped Gem in the manner it was intended to, only she can answer that. And only she can decide when enough is enough. She's got her lines drawn clearly in the sand, she's set her boundaries strongly, and she's stood her ground. So when that time comes, I know she'll do what's best for her.

I realize this path is not for everyone. I also realize the controversy surrounding it. But this is Gem's lesson and she's been kind enough to share it with everyone. And if it's angering others, then as I stated above, I would suggest those angered cease visiting, because it won't help their situation to be in that mindset and/or feel that way towards me. I'm not here to create that type of angry energy and I don't want that type of energy invading the site either.

So if this has angered others, my apologies, I wish them well. But it's probably best those folks seek their path elsewhere if they're angry and/or jealous and feel it's unfair that Gem is receiving encouragement to accept contact - while they're receiving encouragement not to.; September 8, 2014 at 9:33 AM
Peter said...: @The ladies and KK,

A long time reader on the site I'd just like to add a little word of advice to those who see conflicting advice to others.( I don't comment as much as I used to but I read all the comments just the same and I am here to provide advice when needed from a male point of view).

First remember that MOA does this to help all of you. KK please remember that she does this of her own kindness and free from of charge. Getting angry at those trying to help is the least contructive of behaviours you can have.

But just to give everyone a friendly bit of advice that will put them in the best frame of mind when reading comments on this site:

1.Read as if you are learning or researching. Focus on your own questions and finding answers. It will help remove any negative emotion that may cloud your perspective if you focus on learning lessons.
2.First know each others individual situation before you procede as this will help you put everything in context.
3.Every situation is different. Remember every woman on here is at a different point in their own journey to progressing and they also had different starting points from which they began. As such every bit of advice provided will be different to each person.

I hope it helps you avoid negativity and respond with more thoughtful, understanding and patient inputs.; September 8, 2014 at 11:28 AM
KK said...: MOA,

I've been here for over a year following everything. Yes I do know Gem's story.

That's all I was trying to say basically - that yes it's controversial. I never said I disagreed with it. I was trying to clear things up because things get misconstrued quite easily.
I'm actually glad its her participating - because she is strong. I think I praised her in a post before. Not every woman can do what she's doing. And I never said she was doing anything "wrong".

My list of examples, was just that. Any "game-playing" or "cheating" are actually things you advise against. They don't even relate to Gem - more so to Scorpio in my opinion.

Again, whatever "anger" was there is now gone and I've explained it, it was a moment and that moment came and went. I'm only "revisiting" now because I'm being misunderstood and reprimanded for having thoughts/feelings/opinions on a public forum.; September 8, 2014 at 12:00 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @KK,
"I'm only "revisiting" now because I'm being misunderstood and reprimanded for having thoughts/feelings/opinions on a public forum."

You made yourself pretty clear dear - I angered you and you felt I treated you unfairly. My intention was to HELP you. My response was to clarify the situation. And my suggestion for you to possibly not revisit the site was for YOUR emotional well-being.

If I'm not helping you and instead, you feel you're being treated unfairly because I'm not telling you what you want to hear, and it's angering you that I'm telling others the opposite, then maybe I can't help you, maybe I'm not the one to help you, is all I meant.; September 8, 2014 at 5:29 PM
Gem50 said...: @ All,

Peter, I’m so glad to know you are still here.

KK, I’m ok with your feedback. Peter gave me some pushback ages ago when I shared that I don’t care what others think of me or other’s rules of how I should live my life. The same still applies.

You are absolutely correct in your “because he can,” feedback.

But you are not correct regarding Ms. Mirror’s “encouraging” as not being fair. I don’t believe fair exists sweety. I am sorry. To me, the idea is a fallacy.

This experience is giving me insight and understanding, not only about Scorpio, but these types of men in general, and maybe just as important, insight and understanding of myself.

I believe Ms. Mirror’s site is not only about recovering oneself AFTER dealing with unhealthy individuals, but also a resource for people to learn how to date in the crazy times we now live in, how to take care of our selves, and how to identify behaviors, etc. I am in awe at what Ms. Mirror has built here; the support and love (which includes tough-love) is amazing. After picking myself up and healing with the support of this community, it has been my attempt to contribute (even if just a tiny drop) with my experiences, to pay back and help others.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I tripped-up when I did the “talking” to Scorpio. I shared what happened because this man, this soul, this Scorpio, clearly demonstrated Ms. Mirror’s explanation of what happens when a woman “talks” before a man wants to/can listen. You can’t get much clearer than, “I hear nothing.”

If I had run from Scorpio (which is what I wanted to do) when I learned he had a so-called girlfriend, I don’t think I would so easily sit back and observe men as I do now.

The day of my last comment, Scorpio had been texting me, still trying to convince me to pick up where we left off. One thing he wrote was very telling:

Scorpio > Granted u didn’t know if I was single before…

Wow! My gut immediately told me: he WASN’T single before. Explains a lot.

My response > I know now. I was very naïve before. If u weren’t single back then, then I am truly sorry for putting u in that position.

And before anyone pushes back on me saying I should not have apologized, yes I should -- because I didn’t ask! I assumed what he had told me when we first got together was the same throughout the 6 months we were seeing each other the 2nd time. I didn’t do the work that I should have (that I learned here), plain and simple.

What was Scorpio’s response? He didn’t take the bait by responding to it. He breezed right over it, which just confirmed to me that my gut was right. What did it teach me? You bet the next time I become involved with a man, I am going to make sure he is single.

I’d like to be clear. Ms. Mirror did not encourage me to become involved with Scorpio. Ms. Mirror encouraged me not to run -- to instead stay in contact w/Scorpio as a friend, for him to show his true self and for me to see it. Ms. Mirror believed it would help me move on – she was right.

I think Hopeful did the same thing with Bicyclist.

This thought just came to me: Some of us HAVE to get into the cage with the tiger.

The good news is: Some of us don’t.

Hugs to all!; September 8, 2014 at 7:13 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi Gem,

I like your 'get in the cage with the tiger' analogy! I think things seem to be working for you this way currently. It can feel very trapping when you can't shake a guy off but this process sounds like it's being successful so far in illuminating his character and when you've finished you will be free of him and the attraction will disappear.

I also think that this way of dealing with him is suited to the overall personal situation and dynamics, learning etc. It's not for everybody like Ms Mirror has said but I think it's right for you at this time... Although I'd be strong enough to carry this out it's not appropriate to the finer details of my situation at this present moment with this particular guy but I have a handle on things and I think I've found my route out of this hold this guy has over me but it's all working progress I must say!

It sounds to me that Scorpio is trying to break you down, I don't think that he is a bad person or anything but he obviously has issues with real intimacy...I think there's loads of learning to be had for him also here in this situation. I think that he is probably attracted to the strength you are showing and he is also finding that stimulating as a challenge hence the trying to break you down...

He's trying to justify and state a case, convince you otherwise to give in, go back on your convictions 'Granted u didn’t know if I was single before'… saying in effect well you didn't know if I was single then type of thing so what's the difference now LOL nice try!

but that's all in the past...I think that when you start changing that people will really up the anti to try and pull you back to where you were...to try and break you down. He wants to have fun Gem but probably lurking underneath all of that is a person who is afraid of intimacy and it's quite sad really if he never deals with that so he can go on and have a real intimate relationship with someone.

I always read your posts and I remember you saying that he keeps dropping in communication other than about just the fun sex angle. It could be that you're seeing behind his defenses but equally those things can be said to mislead the ladies and as we all know they're only words so you're right to stand strong and not be fooled...

Keep doing what you're doing, keep your head on and feet on the ground, stand strong in your power. You don't need me to tell you those things :)

As regards to the not checking if he was single in the first place. I've done this many times over in the past and maybe it's naivety but I also think that we are good people and you presume that if someone is interested in you that they're automatically single.

I used to have it happen to me that I guy would chat to me in a bar only to find out later that he had a wedding ring on, it sounds really stupid and naive but it never crossed my mind as a first port of call to check out the wedding ring finger! Of course many don't wear one and they're not necessarily married but could be shacked up with someone etc. I suppose it never really crossed my mind to check out if they were single because I must of thought it was a given that they were to be chatting me up in the first place and the thought never crossed my mind. Not any more though, of course you learn and become more savvy and Ms Mirror has helped many enormously...

So going back to what I said earlier about Scorpio, when you said that you couldn't understand why he kept coming back, it struck a chord with me and I thought about it that I would be thinking exactly the same and puzzled... and that's why I decided to write on what I thought might be going on here...

Keep up the good work and looking forward to hearing your posts!; September 9, 2014 at 7:18 AM
Anonymous said...: Hi Mirror an everybody,

personally I don´t see any contradictions in Mirror´s advice. The aim is to help the women here to avoid or get rid of unhealthy relationships with men or people in general. In order to do that the woman should be able to assess the relationship as realistically as possible and there are different ways how to achieve that - some women will achieve that by distancing from the man, others by observing him without emotional input.

My update: I haven´t heard from the cyclist for many weeks now and I am not sure if he will ever contact me again. I can honestly say that I am over him. I have learned my lesson and I don´t think I will ever be attracted to this type of man (selfish, immature, even abusive if I had let him). In my case spending some time with him helped me to understand what he was about and drop my expectations.(However, we were never intimate, so it was nor so difficult. Listen to Mirror and if you are not sure about the man don´t sleep with him). What is interesting is that almost immediately after I came to this understanding and accepted internally that he had disappeared for good perhaps, several quality men contacted me on the dating site (which never happened while I was meeting the cyclist although I was on the same dating site all the time). So in the next three weeks I have three dates planned. Unbelievable. It seems that I am really moving on.

For Lottie: I am with you. I am very similar - used to be shy, overcame it in the course of the years, but I hate conflicts and almost never speak up. But yesterday my boss blamed me unjustly for her mistake and I told her in a raised voice (she´d made me angry): "I am not going to shoulder the responsibility for something for which I am not responsible!" (And supported my statement by explaining underlying facts). And when she continued blaming me I said:"The responsibility is yours and although I am sorry that such a thing happened, I can´t do anything about it as I am not responsible for it!" (It continued like this for a while and I was like a broken record, I didn´t give up. I stuck to Mirror´s advice - facts, facts, facts). I was uncomfortable as I hate such tense situations. She clearly didn´t expect such a reaction of mine as she was visibly taken aback. Well, we´ll see whether she will try to revenge for my opposition because she is very revengeful. This exchange was a lesson for me because the fact that she was so astonished by my response showed me that her impression of me must have been of a person she can step down on, which is not true. Hopefully, it was a lesson for her, too.

So let´s continue learning our lessons. Because one thing is certain: Once we learn what we are supposed to learn, life will bring different (hopefully more beautiful) experiences to us.
Hopeful; September 11, 2014 at 3:57 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Hopeful,
" What is interesting is that almost immediately after I came to this understanding and accepted internally that he had disappeared for good perhaps, several quality men contacted me on the dating site (which never happened while I was meeting the cyclist although I was on the same dating site all the time). So in the next three weeks I have three dates planned. Unbelievable. It seems that I am really moving on."

Good for you dear!!

"This exchange was a lesson for me because the fact that she was so astonished by my response showed me that her impression of me must have been of a person she can step down on, which is not true. Hopefully, it was a lesson for her, too."

Another win dear!! Be prepared, she may circle back around with you in her sights...but just stay professional and stick to the facts - people cannot argue facts. They may try, but in the end, others will see right through them and know exactly where the problem lies.

And whether she'd admit it or not, she has a newfound respect for you right now too.

You're making great strides dear - give yourself a pat on the back, you deserve it :-); September 11, 2014 at 5:19 PM
Anonymous said...: @ Mirror

Thank you for your praise and encouragement. :-) "Speaking up for myself" requires courage and involves an element of risk. In fact, I am risking losing my job (I work hard but there are too many people so some will be made redundant, hopefully the retired ones but I can´t be sure). Maybe that´s why I kept silent for so long. And now I risked it because I have had enough of it.. We´ll see what will happen. But I certainly don´t regret that incident and I feel relieved.

Thank you again for everything you are doing for us ladies. At present everything seems much easier for me but when I came here over a year ago I felt really helpless and confused.

Have a nice day :-)
Hopeful; September 12, 2014 at 3:11 PM
Anonymous said...: Hello Ms Mirror/Hopeful/Ladies.

@Hopeful, that is great news. I know how difficult conflict can be and I certainly try to avoid it because it really does upset me, but there are times when it is unavoidable. You did really well holding your ground.

I had a situation yesterday. I’m involved in sport and work as a volunteer as part of a club. An elderly gentleman whom I work alongside with had made an error and caused some damage. He knew he had made a mistake and said he would deal with the consequences. I knew there would be repercussions.

Anyway I got the phone call as expected. I didn’t answer because I knew the guy would be angry and not listen to reason. Anyway he texted me about the damage saying that “he was fed up with telling us”. I texted back and said the elderly man had made a mistake and to call him to discuss it to sort it out.

I wasn’t passing the buck, this was one too many times that the elderly man had made a mistake and I had been the one who was reprimanded….believe me the elderly man knows better and he can certainly stand up for himself. This chap said he didn’t want to call him because he didn’t want to be rude to an old man.

I am responsible ultimately but I was fed up of taking responsibility for everything and everyone. Anyway he called me again,…. as I expected he was still very angry and was shouting down the phone at me.

Do you know what Ms Mirror, I didn’t care about the situation or what had happened, I was so p**ssed off that this man was actually raising his voice and shouting at me . That’s what ticked me off. I thought he can’t upset an old man but he can upset me.
I raised my voiced and was really stern and said I had given him an option to sort it out and to go do just that and to call me when he had calmed down. He muttered that he tried to call the old man…but nobody was answering. I said
“ right I am going to text you his other number…CALL HIM NOW” . I felt calm and brazen, not flustered at all.

Anyway the old man called me and said this guy had been on the phone to him He apologized to me saying he was really sorry I had been caught in the middle of it.

I texted this guy back saying that I had heard that the old man had apologized to him. I also said I would come and help him sort out the mess.

He said he would sort it out himself.

I texted back saying the old man had sincerely apologized and I offered to come and help …and I meant it . I finished off the text by saying “don’t use me as a punchbag bag for your anger”

He called back ½ hr later…all cheery, making light of everything…saying I didn’t know him….and that was not him being angry…and that I should see him when he was really angry. I said you could have fooled me and shortly ended the conversation.

Normally conflict really upsets me. I can barely get the words out to respond. I then berate myself later thinking about all the things I should have said at the time. This time I didn’t feel a thing. I completely deflected it. I felt totally in control. What a difference that feels.

Lottie x; September 12, 2014 at 8:42 PM
Anonymous said...: Virgo On A Journey: Part One
Mirror of Aphrodite, could I trouble you to hold up your mirror for me? Although to warn you, I’m afraid my story is oh so similar to many recounted here, a double-edged sword, which is both a relief and a curse! But it’s all too close for me to see. This is my Taurus tale…

Six or so years ago I met the Taurus male in question through a mutual friend on-line (although back then I had NO idea that he was a Bull, it’s only recently that I’ve discovered this). Before our first meeting we struck up a very amiable level of banter. He was quick, witty and great fun to wordplay with. He made me laugh and smile and with such ease! Roll on a couple of months and he makes the trip to see said mutual friend (who I might add had a big crush on him, so for me at this point he was off limits), I was also invited along to meet him. I was excited, thinking great we can have some fun, laugh, joke and tease each other, like we’d been doing on-line. Not so, I remember being very surprised, he was shy and reserved, bashful, fun yes, but nothing like the person I thought I was going to meet, given all of the witticisms we’d exchanged. At this point I didn’t feel drawn to him, plus in my head he was off-limits. That weekend my friend realised there was no chemistry between them and so the path was now clear for me…

Despite at first not feeling an attraction after meeting in person, I then slowly got hooked as our banter continued on-line and I found myself committing the cardinal sin of chasing (I have never chased in my life!!). In hindsight, I was being drawn in, well and truly drawn in!! Although I never came right out with how I felt about him, I managed to be coy enough I think, but he knew back then he had me. This went on for four/five/six months, with him disappearing and re-appearing to claim me (in part I respected the disappearing, he was studying for important exams and I liked his discipline). He never made a move though, nothing, it was all so slow, with big chucks of time sometimes between communication.

Drove me nuts, but patiently I waited it out. My goodness I’d never spent so much time at the gym to burn off excess energy! The rollercoaster wore me out and gradually I managed to let him go and developed a thick skin, a level of immunity to his incredibly well balanced words. Just to note, he’s a very clever cookie, academically and in the career that he was then beginning to pursue, although at this point he was very financially unstable because of very long stretches of studying.

Having managed to let him go and convince myself there was nothing there (around four/five months after having met him), despite all the pretty and witty words, I started to date. Then up pops my Bull again, by this point I was feeling quite blasé, so I gave him quite a direct suggestion that I liked him. He acknowledged this in a jokey way but then went quiet for three weeks. I thought hell, that’s it, enough is enough, he really, really isn’t interested in me like that. He re-appeared, but he still didn’t make any moves. Then I met someone, a Gemini, and my goodness it was a breath of fresh air, this man chased me and claimed me with persistent gusto all in the space of three weeks, oh the relief!!!!!

However, when the Bull saw that I was now “in a relationship” WOAH, complete 180, he charged and he chased!! I kept my cards close to my chest, I did (I think now), exactly what I should have done at the beginning all those months ago and I sat back and watched him, let him come to me, held off replying. But it was too late for him, he made a number of attempts to come and see me none of which I whole heartedly encouraged and none of which materialised, but this seemed to make him keener. He started saying things like “well in this relationship", "I want you now" etc. By this point I was swept up with my Gemini, and both equally amused and furious with this Bull for chasing now, why couldn’t he have done it before I asked myself, AARRRGHHH!! FRUSTRATED, FURIOUS, SPITTING FEATHERS!!; September 18, 2014 at 6:31 PM
Anonymous said...: Virgo On A Journey: Part Two

My Gemini got pissed off with the Bull’s advances (which continued on and off for 4 months) and made me draw a line with communication. This I did, out of respect for him and because the relationship was developing. My Bull deleted his FB account and that was the last I heard from him. So roll on four years and Mr Bull contacts me again, a chatty email to see how I’m doing. As always it made me smile, but I didn’t reply, I was still with my Gemini, it wouldn’t have felt right. Cue five months ago, I catch my Bull stalking from afar, he didn’t mean to get in touch, but with the internet now being what it is I was alerted, and so we made contact. I’d split from Mr Gemini nine months previously and was just re-emerging from the abyss that follows a break up. I shook my head in disbelief, Mr Bull there at the beginning and Mr Bull arrives back at the end!

He hooked me back in in an instant, infuriatingly. We’ve been exchanging banter, just like we used to since then. I was on a high, he made me laugh, it was like no time had passed. He was cautious, kind, dirty, ever so subtly flirty but guarded and careful. Friend zone with a hint of more. I’ve been drawn back onto the roller coaster ever since. On the most part I’ve been initiating the banter, because I was so pleased that he was back, treating him like a friend with some flirting as well, with the possibility of something more. I should also add, he’s now living about four time zones away from me (ridiculous I know) but might be back sometime next year.

Three months ago, and after doing a bit of internet searching, I stumble across a range of websites that deal with the Taurus male, I thought wow!! This is EXACTLY like what I had experienced. I ask this chap, in a round about way, when his birthday is, and low and behold he’s a Bull! Oh so much makes sense in retrospect!! I’ve read and read and read the articles and posts on this site, they’ve been a life-line for me, so thank you to you MoA and also to all the previous posters!!

I’ve realised I’ve been initiating too much with him. So I cut instigating conversation, he’s had it too easy so far. It’s been a month since I’ve heard from him. He is a bloke first and foremost, and star signs aside, the chase is important, although he is the only guy I've ever felt the need to chase. I feel his pull now. I’ve resisted the urge to spill the beans and be up-front with him, I’d sound crazy?! My question is, am I just being a fool? Does it sound like there might be something there with him re-appearing after all this time? Should I continue to hold out and see if he makes some moves? This after all will give me an answer one way or another. I feel like I’m on exactly the same roller coaster as six years ago!! Do you have any advice on how I should play this? THANK YOU!!; September 18, 2014 at 6:32 PM
The Mirror of Aphrodite said...: @Virgo On A Journey,
"Does it sound like there might be something there with him re-appearing after all this time?"

Anything's possible dear. However, and I don't want to burst your bubble here, I just want to be realistic is all. But...his behavior hasn't really changed. He's doing the same thing now that he did then pretty much. And in light of that, the best you can probably expect at this point is a friendly conversational relationship.

"Should I continue to hold out and see if he makes some moves?"

It's the only way you'll know if he's interested romantically.

"Do you have any advice on how I should play this?"

I'd do exactly what you did last time dear, which is - don't sit and wait for this man. He's not making any moves and it looks as if his behavior hasn't changed at all and that will most likely lead to an exact repeat of before - which you're already feeling. So don't expect too much from this man, and don't sit and wait on him. There's distance now as well, which won't help either.

Respond and keep the friendship floating along, but don't wait on this man as far as a romantic partner is concerned. Not unless he starts to take action. If he simply wants another text/email buddy as he did last time, that's fine, but just see that for what it is...which is friendship. And don't pass opportunities by simply because he may or may not be interested. Keep living your life and moving forward. If he wants you, he knows where to find you and he can catch up, just like he's already done :-); September 20, 2014 at 8:57 AM
Unknown said...: Good evening. I'm a newly wed and my husband is a Taurus. He is very stubborn and bullheaded.
when ever I am not happy with something, he gets mad and instead of finding the key to the problem and solving it, he says'' We can not do it anymore, lets split up'' Just like he has someone else in his pocket ready.

He is also telling me with you are with me you should feel safe and secure.but he locks his phone and sets his phone the way that doesnt show his texts when he gets one.

He always expects me to go and apologize even though he made a mistake.

he never show me affection and when I want to talk about an issue, He talks to me judgmentally. Could you please tell me how to treat him when we are arguing to make him understand he has to apologize and do the right thing if he makes a mistake?

Thank you very much; October 6, 2014 at 10:37 PM

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